She wasn’t sure how she felt.
Everyone told her that she was supposed to feel like something was missing, but she never truly did.
It wasn’t like they had been close anymore. They had been drifting apart for years, only brought back together by necessity. Even then they’d spent most of their time apart.
Her parents had survived.
Fled the first chance they got.
She didn’t blame them. She would have done the same.
They blamed her though. Said that she was the smarter one, that she should have protected her.
She didn’t blame them for that either. They hadn’t fought in a war, so how would they know what battle was like.
She thought that she had been mostly untouched.
Luck, mostly. Some skill too.
Made her parents leave her. She didn’t mind.
She thought it was funny that surviving could be so bad.
She should have checked up on people.
She never really did though. She didn’t really care to. She didn’t care to do a lot of things anymore.
She didn’t really talk to people anymore either. Maybe that was why.
She was pretty sure that it was supposed to hurt. That was what she had read. It was supposed to be a normal response.
The hurt didn’t come. She wasn’t sure why.
It had come for other people. They had grabbed at her, cried on her. Everyone just thought she was just slower to react. They were only half wrong.
She wasn’t sure where she was. She didn’t really care. She usually figured it out eventually. Or someone figured it out for her. She ended up in other places when that happened. She didn’t know where those places were either.
She ate more when she was at the other places. She wasn’t really sure how long it had been since she had eaten either.
It didn’t matter anyway. It all worked out eventually. Or maybe it didn’t. She wasn’t really sure anymore.
Everything seemed very bright. It was a very sudden change, and she wasn’t too fond of it. She didn’t really care enough to do anything about it though.
She was okay with just lying there. Where she was seemed like a perfectly fine place to continue doing that. She didn’t really know what all the noise was about, but it didn’t really bother her. She had heard worse.
The touching would have to stop though. Usually she wasn’t touched so much, and she was sure she didn’t like it. She wasn’t really sure how to get it to stop anymore though. Maybe if she was irritated enough with it then it would stop. If not she would probably get used to it though. Just like how she had everything else.
She wasn’t sure how long it had been. Time had passed, that was certain. She was in too many different places for it not to have. She just wasn’t sure how much time had passed anymore.
It didn’t matter much really. It probably should have though.
She could have tried to protect her. She didn’t even watch her back.
It was easy to see her fall though.
She screamed her name. Then she was torn apart. It hadn’t looked like she died slowly.
It fled too quickly after for there to even be a chance at revenge. She wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. She also didn’t know what she would have done.
She should have felt responsible. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened then. She didn’t know.
She didn’t like it at first. She thought she saw it for what it was and tried to fix it. No one helped her though, so she stopped trying. If no one else cared about it then she shouldn’t either.
It was better this way. She didn’t know why they tried to help now. She thought it was funny.
They didn’t care about it when she did, but when she stopped caring they suddenly did. It was like only so much caring could happen at one time.
Maybe she should have tried harder to keep them from drifting apart. That might have fixed everything in the first place. But maybe it wouldn’t have. She wasn’t the only reason that they drifted apart in the first place anyway. That was both of their faults.
They were too different, but too similar at the same time. That was probably the main reason. It didn’t matter anymore though.
Everything was still too bright, but it had dulled a bit. She wasn’t sure why it had, but it was nice.
The noises were still there too, but they were quieter now. They seemed to be coming faster though. She still couldn’t make out what they were.
She certainly couldn’t feel the touching as much anymore. That was definitely good. It was still there, but at least it wasn’t so obvious anymore.
They had been close when they were young. They didn’t think enough then to be different. They did everything together, and could always feel each other. It changed later, but that was always there.
It didn’t make sense when she couldn’t feel her.
After she couldn’t feel that, she couldn’t feel much of anything. Nothing else mattered as much as that, and since she couldn’t feel it, she shouldn’t bother caring. It made perfect sense to her.
She thought that she wanted to care, but she wasn’t very sure anymore. It all seemed to blend together, and she didn’t care if it was real or not.
If it was real enough that she could not care about it then it didn’t matter.
It was supposed to feel like losing her reflection. It didn’t feel like that though. She didn’t know what it really felt like, but that seemed wrong.
That didn’t make any sense anyway, because a reflection is a reversed image, and she knew she wasn’t completely different.
She didn’t care enough to figure out what it truly felt like though.
Everything had calmed down now.
It wasn’t too bright anymore.
The noise wasn’t too loud.
No one was touching her.
She liked it like this. Maybe she could stay like this. At least here she could finally tell how she felt before.