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You're a Mean One, Endeavor!

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Despite what most people believed, outside of the teaching staff, Class 1-A didn’t stumble across the idea of a burning wicker statue unintentionally. They actually got the idea from watching the Nicholas Cage version of The Wicker Man during the class’ movie night every Saturday. Of course, everyone called out Kaminari for his horrific choice in movies after watching that and banned him from being allowed to choose the movie they watched, not that anyone was complaining since his next choice in movie was going to be The Bee Movie. Movie night had been a staple part of dorm life, ever since Todoroki revealed that he never really watched movies in his household and Uraraka had wanted to get him acquainted with Star Wars.

With the common room adequately covered in blankets, cushions and bean bags, the entire class gathered around in their pyjamas with a horde of snacks to share. The two class squads were keeping to their respective sides of the sofas, with the neutral party creating a barrier in between them. Mostly to keep Bakugou from trying to explode Midoriya for accidently muttering during the film, but somewhat because that’s what was the norm from the beginning of the movie nights – before the two squad leaders began to patch up their ‘friendship’. Before the films began, Iida and Yaoyorozu used a random name generator to pick the three class members whose movies would be played that night.

“Alright, listen up,” Their class president announced loudly, causing the chattering to become silent within seconds. “Today’s movies will be from Aoyama, Asui and Satou respectively. Can those three get or ready their chosen movies please, we’d like to start as soon as possible.” Whilst some groaned that they weren’t picked, at least anything was better than Kaminari’s movie collection. Aoyama, to no one’s surprise, had a lot of classic films made for French or English audiences, but came with the choice for Japanese subtitles. And his choice for tonight was no exception.

“Since we are heading for the festivities of the winter season, I propose… this!” Aoyama held up a DVD box with a monstrous green figure on the front of it with a confused looking dog. “Comment le Grinch a volé Noël!”

“And in Japanese?” Sero asked whilst the others blinked blankly at the most… sparkly member of their class.

“Ah, mon amie,” Aoyama didn’t seem phased at all by the call out. “It means, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Christmas is more widely celebrated in the country of my birth, so films like these are… ou you say… popular.”

“I still don’t believe he’s French.” Jirou muttered under her breath as Aoyama set the DVD into the player and set up the subtitles for Japanese. What surprised everyone, or not really as the case may be, the film was actually in English, it was just the box art that was written in another language.

Everyone settled down after the film began, although some did laugh at the cartoonish styles of the humans in the film. It was filled to the brim with cheesy lines and cringy dialogue, but it was made so in a charming way that not only kids could enjoy. Everything was going smoothly until they reached the most self-centred song in the entire soundtrack.

“From the way it’s made, you’d have thought this was a roasting song,” Kirishima’s voice cut through the silence as the Grinch complimented himself on his most horrible attributes. “But no, he’s seeing it as a compliment!”

“Now I can see why Aoyama likes it so much,” Ashido teased. “He sees himself in the vain traits of the Grinch!” Most of the class laughed at this, but Aoyama paid them no heed as his eyes and concentration were glued to the TV.

“Apparently it was originally made as a song to show how horrific the Grinch’s behaviour and attitude was,” Yaoyorozu commented knowledgably. “Dr. Seuss, the creator of the story, apparently wrote it himself.”

“How do you know that?” She was asked by the person who originally brought up the main point about the song, which was coming to a close as they spoke.

“Well, as I was learning English, my mother thought it was best to get a range of children’s books so see how native speakers would learn the language with images helping them to understand the situation,” she answered instantly. “Dr. Seuss’ books were amongst some of my earliest reads so I had to learn more and looked him up.”

“That’s Yaomomo for you.” Jirou chuckled with a soft smile on her face.

However, their conversation had set the gears turning in one student’s mind, their face scrunching as they began to think of a plan to use that song, or a version of it, for it’s original intended purpose.

0~o~0

Shouto was starting to get worried. Ever since the movie night, Izuku had been acting very strange, to say the least. Whenever he could, the fluffy haired national treasure would shut himself up in his room and wouldn’t come down for anything, not even for food or water. By now, Shouto couldn’t take this behaviour anymore and decided to end it once and for all. He would find out why Izuku was being suspicious and he would resolve the matter or his hero name isn’t Shouto.

Yeah, he really need to put more thought into naming things.

So, four days after the movie night, he barged into Izuku’s room, after checking it was unlocked of course, only to find him slaving away at a notebook with headphones on. Not what Shouto had expected at all, if he was being honest. He was used to seeing Izuku working on his hero notebooks out in the open, which he was now writing in code due to the fact that he could lose one and that would mean that a villain who picked it up would basically hold the secrets to ending a pro in their hands. Aizawa-sensei was the one who demanded that Izuku began using a code, which led to 15 new notebooks, all written in code with updated notes and better sketches and the old notebooks being burnt with the most recent giant wicker statue of the old coot.

Whatever Izuku was listening to must have been on at full volume because he didn’t even hear Shouto come in, or he was just that focused on what he was doing. That and his bin was full to the brim with crumpled sheets of paper written in kanji. Okay, so that eliminated hero notes as the cause of the sudden behaviour change. Of course, the only way to truly find out was to ask the person in question, so Shouto nudged Izuku’s shoulder. That, in turn, led to the shorter boy jumping out of his skin screaming in a pitch that put the girl’s screams at horror films to shame.

Upon seeing who it was that nudged him, Izuku began to take deep breaths to calm himself down. “Oh, Shouchan. It’s only you…”

“Who else would it be?” Shouto took a seat on Izuku’s bed, crossing his legs together as he did so.

“You have no idea how many times Iida-kun has tried to barge in when I’ve overslept,” Izuku was chuckling nervously, having pulled the headphones – surprisingly not All Might (cough cough, Izuku’s dad) themed – down to hang around his neck. “So, umm…”

“Izuku, this is an intervention.” Shouto interrupted his fluffy haired boyfriend. “You’ve been acting incredibly strange and I am not having another night without us cuddling on the sofa.”

“You only do it there to piss off Kacchan.”

“I may enjoy calling him out on his hypocritical nature,” Shouto said, his face resting in it’s natural bitchface appearance as he spoke with a bland tone. Still, it made Izuku laugh all the same. “But seriously, this is unnatural for you Zuku, so tell me why.” Izuku frowned nervously, stuttered for a while before sighing and giving in.

“I’ve been thinking about that song from the movie night…”

“You mean the roasting song that isn’t a roasting song?” This puzzled Shouto, since he never really picked up on it. “Go on.”

“Well, I’ve been re-writing the lyrics to make them into a roasting song…” An embarrassed blush formed on Izuku’s cheeks. “… About your father.”

“Wait,” Shouto was trying to comprehend exactly what he had just been told. “You mean to tell me you’ve been shutting yourself up in your room…”

“Uh huh.”

“… For most of the day…”

“Yeah.”

“… For the past four days…”

“… Shouchan.”

“… To roast my father using a song from an American kid’s movie?”

“… Yes.”

“Zuku, marry me.” The flustered mess of stutters and rapid flapping arm movements was worth it.

“You can’t say something like that out of the blue, Shouchan!” Izuku cried out, hiding his bright red face behind his hands.

“Yes, I can,” his boyfriend smiled back. “Also, can I see what you wrote?” Izuku handed the notebook over with a squeak. Shouto skimmed the lines, his smile widening with every line. Some lines would do better with curses in there, something which he hoped he would be allowed to add, but overall it was a masterpiece. “I see you’ve kept it clean. After all your years of growing up with Bakugou, I would have expected you to have learnt some swear words.”

“Nah,” Izuku was turning a deeper shade of red, if that was even possible. “Mum told me to ignore it, and I thought it was just Kacchan spewing trash,” Shouto snorted at that. “So, I never listened when he went on long tirades. I almost picked up a bad word from All Might, but Mum stomped that out pretty quickly.”

“Your dad almost taught you how to swear?” The half and half Quirk user asked rhetorically. “Lucky, I had to teach myself since my father was inadequate enough.”

Instead of flustering, Izuku sighed and his shoulders sagged. “How many times, Shouchan? All Might isn’t my father.”

“But you wish him to be your father?”

“Well, who doesn’t?!” Now Izuku was on the defensive. “I mean, he’s All Might! The Greatest Hero Ever! Who wouldn’t want him to be their father?!”

“I’m just asking a simple question, Zuku,” Shouto was grinning like the cat who caught the mouse. “No need to get defensive over your father. I won’t steal him from you.”

“SHOUCHAN!!”

~0~o~0~

After Shouto had changed some of the lines, and they had managed to have Jirou agree to be the lead vocals – since Shouto knew Izuku couldn’t be forced to say the word “fuck” unless All Might (his father, Shouto wasn’t going to let that go) told him to do so – everything was ready. Yaoyorozu agreed to record and edit the audio alongside some of Ashido’s edits of Endeavor onto multiple garbage cans for visuals behind the lyrics. Whilst the video was loading to Izuku’s Herotube account, the four squandered their time by chatting about their days and how life has been which ended with Jirou asking Shouto where would be best to take someone on a restaurant date.

“You two are dating? Congrats!” Izuku beamed, instantly getting the connection which was helped by Yaoyorozu’s own blush.

“Thanks, but can you please not tell anyone?” Jirou asked them. “We don’t think it’s safe to reveal the nature of our relationship with you-know-who around.”

“Of course,” Shouto answered only to turn to Izuku and whisper loudly enough that the girls could hear whilst he was pretending to be quiet. “Mission: Class Cleanse of He-Who-Must-Not-Get-Laid a-go?”

“Affirmative.” Izuku replied in response, which caused the girls to drag them into a group hug. Once the video was up, they all went their separate ways, to get an early night’s sleep. As in, Bakugou levels of early.

Meanwhile, the staff room was randomly empty, with only Kayama, Yamada and Toshinori in there doing any work. Every now and again they would ask each other questions but other than that, they worked in silence. That was until the door was kicked open with a loud bang to reveal Aizawa standing behind it. This cheered them up immensely. Normally, when Aizawa did this, that meant there had been an Endewhore roast, and Aizawa was usually the one to deliver the good news.

“Go on, go on!” Kayama could hardly contain her excitement. “What was it this time?”

“The Problem Child has outdone himself,” Aizawa was grinning creepily, as he always did when he attempted more than a small smile. “He went and set the bar even higher.”

“Oooooooo,” Yamada smirked, leaning across his desk to where Aizawa had plopped himself down. “What is it this time? An art piece? A comic?”

“Nope,” Aizawa fiddled with his phone before holding it out for the three to see. “He went and created a parody song.” The song started up, crediting the song as “You’re a mean one, Endewhore” a parody of “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch” from the 2000 made movie.

“You're a mean one, Endewhore

A callous evil grump

You're a nasty pussing ulcer

A bloody cancerous lump, Endewhoooooore

I can't tell the difference from your face to your rump!”

The office burst into laughter, picking up the dual voices of Midoriya and Jirou in there, hers drowning out the mumblings of his when it reached more crude terms. Yamada was especially pleased that Jirou was getting involved in more musical activities since the Culture Festival. She was a great musician and singer, and he didn’t want a talent like that going to waste. Yes, she would be an amazing hero in the future, but singing and making music as a side job/hobby would help her out in the long run.

“You're unsightly, Endewhore

You have no heart, you twisted prick

When you're not a whiny child, you're a parasitic tick, Endewhooooore

You're-a 118 kg flaming pile of dog shiiiiit!”

“That’s funny,” Kayama wiped a tear from her eye. “I thought he was well over 200.”

“You're a foul one, Endewhore

All you say is poppycock

You kill the air with every breathe

And it's more noxious than hemlock, Endewhooooore

You're so rancid and corrupt, you desecrate every speck of earth you walk”

 "Isn't that the truth?" Aizawa muttered, remembering the multiple times Endeavor had left a trail of charcoal and ash behind him, leaving the other heroes to clear it up. 

“You're a vile one, Endewhore

You're a festering sore!

If you had a soul at all, it'd be rotten to the core, Endewhooore

The 2 words we think of regarding you are as follows, and I quote

"Fuck, Endewhoooore"!”

Yamada and Kayama chanted the lines with the two students, raising their fists in the air as if they had just been asked to yell “Plus Ultra!”. Aizawa was still grinning, although it was turning into a soft smile of pride as time passed on, making it more bearable for the others around him.

“You're a monster, Endewhore

The most fetid, destructive blight!

You care only for yourself, you complete piece of shite, Endewhoooore

Whether it's being a hero, a father, or just an all-around fucking human being with common decency...

...Never will you ever beat ALL MIGHT!!”

Toshinori coughed loudly, spluttering blood into his handkerchief that had been raised to his mouth the entire time of the performance. He cleared it up instantly, so that he can proudly grin at his student’s hard work. It was nice to know that they still appreciated him, even as he was now, no longer able to do heroics but still a hero in their eyes.

“You nauseate us, Endewhore

You really fucking suck

You're a vile good-for-nothing

Your very sight makes us up-chuck, Endewhooooooore

Do us all and the entire goddamn world a favour, and become a eunuch!!”

The cover ended to a standing ovation from all three of the teachers who hadn’t seen it before, Yamada even whistled whilst Kayama yelled for encore when the credits came up. Jirou was credited for both musical editing and main vocals; Yaoyorozu for filming and video editing, Todoroki for last minute lyric editing, and finally Midoriya for vocals and a clean version of the lyrics. There was even a special thank you at the end to Ashido for providing the Photoshop images of Endeavor’s head on multiple forms of garbage disposal used throughout the video.

“We have talented children,” Kayama was literally crying, whipping the tears from the corners of her eyes. “We are so lucky to be their parents.”

“They’re my kids,” Aizawa scowled at her. “Get your own.”

“OI! I’VE SUPPORTED THEM WITH THEIR ROASTING CAREERS AS LONG AS YOU HAVE BUB!” She yelled, shooting straight up from her chair. Aizawa followed suit with his capture tape at the ready when Toshinori intervened.

“Please, stop!” He nervously tried to make them see common sense. “We can all be parental figures, it doesn’t have to fall under one person’s duty…”

“Oh crap, you’re right.” They both said at the same time, before promptly taking their seats.

“You know, if Midoriya wrote the clean version, than that means the line about All Might being a better father was in that version too, right?” Yamada pointed out. “Awww, that means he really does see you as his father figure, Yagi!” Instead of being spluttering and stammering out excuses, Toshinori was just sat with a huge smile and closed eyes, flowers and a pink aura floated around his head. “Umm… Yagi?”

“Leave him be,” Aizawa groaned, not wanting to be anywhere near the overly proud parent on the other side of the desks. “He’ll forget about this by Saturday or we’ll be dealing with him talking about how great his son is tenfold for the rest of the week.”

“Are we sure they aren’t biologically related?” Kayama asked him, placing a finger against her chin.

“It would be so much more easier for me if they were,” Aizawa groaned again, banging his head onto the desktop. “Cause then I’d know where the stupid self-sacrificial trait comes from.”

“Doesn’t that still come from Yagi anyway?”

“Oh crap, you’re right!” Aizawa shot across the table, toppling Toshinori from his chair before a cloud of dust formed around their fighting occasionally showing limbs and body parts. Kayama and Yamada watched for a moment, before getting up and leaving the room calmly.

“Wanna watch it again in my classroom?”

“Yeah, best leave them be.”