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asshole for hire

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Steve never thought anybody would actually contact him when he put the listing up. Or if people did, there would only be a couple. 

Surprisingly, a lot of people want to hire Steve to inconvenience people they know. From annoying bosses and frenemies to best friends and significant others. 

It was one of Steve’s last ditch efforts to make some money, because being a poor art student really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Late one night, Steve was scrolling through Tumblr when he came across one of those Signs as Minor Inconveniences posts (his was setting his alarms for pm instead of am, in case anyone was wondering). Minor inconveniences can be some of the worst things ever, they’re annoying and they make people’s lives just that much harder. 

That isn’t to say there aren’t people Steve think deserved to experience some minor inconveniences, because he could think of several. 

Which became the thought that started it all. 

Following through on that, and making some very 3am decisions, Steve opened Craigslist and put up a listing. 


You know how annoying it is to have gravel in your shoe that you just can’t find? 

Or to have woken up late and realized you set your alarms for pm instead of am? 

Minor inconveniences sure can make your day just that much worse. 

Maybe someone you know deserves to have some deliberate minor inconveniences thrown at them. 

Your professor who gave you a D on a paper you should have gotten a C on, your neighbor who won’t quit it with the loud sex, your coworker leaving you with all the work while they slack off.  

Here’s the offer: 

Contact me, and I’ll instigate some minor inconveniences. 

From just a few, to constantly. 

Nothing mean of course, but enough to annoy the hell out of them. 

Steve went to sleep and woke up the next day not thinking anything of the listing. 

At least until he checked his email. 

After sifting through various messages asking if he was a sex worker (Steve probably should have rethought the headline), he came across someone looking to hire Steve to mess with their slacker coworker. Steve set up a meeting. 

Eventually, the listing got expanded publicity thanks to Steve’s roommate Natasha printing it out and pinning it up all over campus. There were so many responses that Steve had to bring Natasha in on the business. She had quirked her lips up in her subtle excitement. It was probably her plan anyway.

College kids really want to mess with people they know. 

Which is how Steve finds himself in a pizza shop, sitting across from Clint Barton, who looks a bit confused. 

“I thought a redhead put up the posters. That it was her offer.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “That’s my roommate, we do this together. Anyway, you have someone you’d like to inconvenience?” 

Clint doesn’t speak for awhile, so Steve takes a few bites of his pizza. 

“...Yes. I’d like you to mess with my roommate. His name is Bucky. He… took my Nintendo DS and never gave it back.” Clint nods at his answer, as if deciding it’s a good one. 

Steve shrugs, he’s not one to pry. “Okay, how long would you like me for?”

Clint takes a moment to think. He chuckles. “A month.” 

“You want me to inconvenience your roommate? For the whole month?” 

A month seems kind of drastic for something as small as not getting a Nintendo DS back, but Steve’s not the client. A month would get him some pretty good money. Maybe enough to buy those expensive pencils he’s been eyeing without feeling guilty. So, Steve leans forward and snatches another piece of pizza before leaning back and smirking. 

The guy probably forgot the DS was ever Clint’s to begin with. 

“So, a month. How often would you like me to make your best friend’s life a pain?” 

Clint smirks. “I want him to know he’s being messed with.” 

Steve grins. 


When Steve leaves the pizza shop, he has a sheet of information about one James Buchanan Barnes, access to his and Clint’s apartment (provided Clint is there), and a whole lot of ideas. 

Barnes is 20. 

Third-year engineering major. 

Taking mostly general education classes this semester, according to the copy of his schedule. Coincidentally, Steve’s taking one of the same ones. 

Drives a 2010 Honda Civic. Blue. 

Hates country music. 

“Bucky” Barnes doesn’t know it yet, but he’s about to have a very frustrating semester. And all because he didn’t give a Nintendo DS back to Clint.