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You & I (together and apart)

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The plane wasn’t due to land until 2:30, but Sirius couldn’t sit still for long enough to stay in the flat any longer. She found herself in the tiny airport Starbucks by 1am, looking at the tired faces around her curiously before going back to picking at her flaking black polish on her nails. To pass the time she ordered a venti mocha, which stands in its takeaway cup with steam pouring through the small drinking hole. Before, she used to drink black coffee with one sweetener, but the chocolate in the mocha was her compromise; it reminded her of Remus and her chocolate obsession.

Sending a quick text to both Jamie and Remy to let them know that she had made it to the airport, she settled down with her notebook and shitty biro to try and drain some of her feelings out into writing so that she would be lighter for Rem’s return. Sirius had been, for lack of a better word, lonely the last two months. Rem has been in France as part of her degree programme, now returning for three weeks over the Christmas break. Three weeks wouldn’t really be enough for either of them, but it would have to do.

Their studio flat with its terrible plumbing and shoddy central heating has been even colder, not simply due to the fact that their windows’ lack decent double glazing. Without someone else there, without Remus there making her constant cups of tea, curling up around Sirius at night, pressed to her side on the sofa while they watched re-runs of The Great British Bake-off while criticising every poor decision even if neither of them could cook. Well, Sirius felt her absence in every space, and had become morose because of it. Jamie was the only one to know about that, as she didn’t want to worry Remus.

Of course there were the calls, the long skype calls, the old fashioned love letters they had been sending one another. It wasn’t enough, but it was something. Sirius had always been a needy person, had craved attention where she couldn’t get it from her own parents. Being alone was difficult, being without Remus was harder. Maybe it would have been easier if she had something other than work to occupy herself with, but there was only so much room in her schedule and what she didn’t spend working behind a greasy bartop she spent feeling sorry for herself and chain smoking at the window by the kitchen counter.

All of this, these negative spaces that felt liminal in their unreality as she tried to understand how and when the void opened up. She should have been more careful. Remus would be mad at her for the tiredness of her eyes and the weight she had lost, considering that every time they talked Sirius reinforced the mantra of I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. Well, those things were unimportant. Remy was going to be here so soon, and those spaces would be stitched up neatly, so that they wouldn’t need to be talked about.

2:30 had arrived. Sirius had finished her mocha, thankfully, and all but leaped from her chair when a text came through from Remy to tell her they had landed. Her messy handwriting stared blankly up at her as if waiting for a conclusion, and she snapped the notepad shut in answer, stuffing it into her tote bag and going to the counter after righting her chair. She didn’t really have the money to buy Remus a proper welcome-home gift on top of a decent Christmas present, so a venti hot chocolate would have to do. Remy would need it after the flight - even if it was short, Rem was afraid of heights so flying made her tired and antsy. Chocolate would make her feel better.

Waiting in the arrivals lounge, Sirius felt those pent up nerves she had been harbouring since the date had been within a fortnight start to reach the brim. How could she wait a minute longer, without seeing her girlfriend? The moment couldn’t come fast enough. When Remus trudged through the wide set double doors towing her battered suitcase, Sirius let out an embarrassing squeal and nearly dropped their drinks due to the speed of her near-sprint for the haggard girl in her oversized cable-knit.

They collided messily as was to be expected, some hot chocolate spilling out onto Sirius’s wrist though by now it had reached the far side of ‘hot’ to be just warm enough. At least it didn’t burn her, but even if it had she wouldn’t have noticed. She was too busy burying her nose into the crook of Remus’s neck and drawing in deep heaving breaths as she found herself close to tears, pulling back on the reins to try and steady herself. That musky coffee scent Rem said reminded her of Sirius when they sampled it in the shop, the clean vanilla of her hair products, the light traces of terrible on-flight tea on her breath. All of it warm, comforting, enveloping Sirius in a sense of security she had been barred from by something so ridiculous as distance for months.

“I missed you so much,” she choked out, feeling pathetic for wearing her emotions on her sleeve. A comfort was that she could feel the flutter of Rem’s breath on her neck, doing the same as she had done to her - taking in her scent, re-acclimatising herself with the smell of the other half of her heart. Bitter coffee laced with chocolate from the mocha, her favourite cologne that was reminiscent of a woodfire, cigarette smoke. A bouquet of smells that all spoke of home.
“I missed you too,” Rem finally managed to reply, pulling back just enough from their hug to nuzzle her nose against Sirius’s pointier one, a hair’s breadth away from kissing but not quite, holding off for now because she felt if she finally kissed Sirius after this long she wouldn’t be able to stop. Sirius seemed to understand, disentangling from her girlfriend’s gangly arms.

“I got you hot chocolate,” Sirius offered with a crooked and awkward smile, profering the takeaway cup as she slyly slid her hand around the handle of Rem’s suitcase, taking its weight from her. “I parked outside. Let’s go.”

Remus told her everything as Sirius drove; the kids she taught, the difficulties with dialect and accent, the amazing food and the handful of other students she dormed with. Sirius took it all in steadily, focusing on the road ahead of her, intent on getting them home, finally home, as quickly as possible. When their car pulled up into the car park outside their apartment building and she took the key from the ignition, able to look to the side and see Remus there, backlit by the streetlamps with her curly hair and prominent cheekbones, it felt like something was unlocking inside of her. She reached over the gearbox and clasped Remy’s hand tightly, mouth pulled into a tight smile so she didn’t betray how close she was to breaking down in sheer relief.

Maybe the feeling was mutual. Remus clambered out of the car faster than her long, folded legs allowed and she nearly hit the ground face first with her ankle stuck through a loop in her seatbelt. Sirius caught sight of her stumbling and they stared at one another, perplexed, Remus with her leg suspended a foot above the ground by the seat belt. Suddenly they were both laughing, howling almost, faces turned up to the moon as tears gathered in the corner of their eyes, tears of relief, tears of humour, tears of mutual sadness. They stumbled into the building, Sirius tripping over the wheels of the suitcase repeatedly as they bumped up the steps only serving to set them into further fits of giggles. Someone opened a door a couple of floors up and shouted an obscenity into the stairwell, demanding they shut up. Shocked into silence for a brief moment, Sirius glanced to Remus and saw her lower lip quivering as she tried to suppress laughter, before they both spiralled into giggles again.

The apartment door shuddered open and then shut again, Remus’s hand pressing it back into place and turning the latch with such familiarity that Sirius was hit by both the sensation of Remy’s prior absence and the strange feeling that she had never left. Shedding their shoes and coats in intervals, Sirius hung in the balance for a strange moment as she weighed up whether she should offer food, sleep or if she should follow her instincts and step closer, pull Remus into her and fill the gaps that had opened up over the space of two months.

Remus made the decision for her, stepping forward and taking Sirius’s fine-boned hands into her own and running the pad of her thumb over the backs of Sirius’s knuckles. Like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle sliding into place, the two of them shuddered at the shared warmth of their skin, breathing twin exhales weighted with difficult, tongue-tying words. The need to be together and to be close was heavy and intense and somehow Remus’s usually articulate vocabulary failed her.

“I… I missed you so much, but I don’t think I knew how much,” Rem admitted quietly, eyes dancing over Sirius’s features and then to the floor as if she was afraid of the onslaught of her emotions. Sirius stared back with an even and firm gaze.
“I knew how much,” Sirius reaffirmed almost grimly, and Remus ran her gaze over the deep bags under Sirius’s eyes and the way the bones of her hands felt more prominent than they had two months ago, the peculiar hollowness of her cheekbones and in the divets of her throat.
“You’ve been keeping secrets,” Remus accused, but with no heat. Sirius’s mouth pulled into a smile, but that deepness, that grimness remained.
“Maybe. But I have other things on my mind.”

The path to the bed is short but somehow drawn out, by the way Sirius paused regularly to pass her hands over Remus over the several layers of her clothing. The winter was cruel to Remy, or maybe Rem was just weak to it, and she always bundled up so securely it could be called overdoing it. It was part of her charm, to Sirius; the care she took to never get cold, because a cold Rem was a grumpy Rem but then again, so was a Rem that was too warm.

Remus was far from resigned to the touches of her girlfriend, her body arcing to meet Sirius’s hands, pressing herself into it. She dipped her head to Sirius’s upturned face, sliding her lips over a high cheekbone and then the other, the bump of her long nose where it was broken when they were 18, skating over her skin to the curve of her sharp jaw. Sirius stuttered out a breath, tipped her head to one side as she walked them backwards to the double mattress that had been occupied as a single for two months, her bare feet hardly feeling the cold of the aged wood. The mattress, still set on the floor after all this time, touched the back of her ankles and she lowered herself onto her knees on it, pulling away from Rem’s touches only to slide her hands purposefully up her girlfriend’s thighs.

“I want you,” Sirius informed Remy, rather redundantly. Rem smiled down at her, full of arrogance so irregularly displayed.
“Then take me, baby. I promise I’ll return the favour.”

Fingers hooked into the belt loops of Rem’s jeans, Sirius grinned up at her before leaning in and taking her zipper between her teeth, tugging it down with one graceful arc of her jaw. Remus’s breath hitched then smoothed into a satisfied hum, her tongue slipping out over her lower lip and finding it chapped from the air-con on the plane. She didn’t have time to follow that train of thought when her jeans were tugged down jerkily, exposing her hips and thighs to the cold of the room. The hem of her oversized jumper slid down with her jeans to cover some of her modesty as she stepped out of them unevenly, kicking them aside so they wouldn’t be in the way. Clothes were the last thing on her mind.

“Looks like you’ve been thinking of me,” Sirius hummed, satisfied at the dampness of Rem’s soft underwear, a black pair with lace trimmings that Sirius had bought her. She nuzzled her nose between Rem’s thighs, breathing in and groaning as Rem let out a small whimper, shuffling on the spot.
“How could I not?” she grumbled in return, though the effect was spoiled by the choked off whine as Sirius pressed more insistently, snaked her tongue out and ran it against the fabric of her underwear. She lapped at it a couple more times, the taste only just coming through to her, before she grew impatient and pulled at Remus’s hips, steering her onto the mattress to lie down in a fairly ungraceful manner that drew a sharp breath out of the girl. Sirius smiled at the sound, giggling and apologising under her breath before sliding her panties to the side, running her fingers up her slit delicately in an almost unkindly slow manner.

“You fucking tease,” Remus hissed, face contorting into a scowl at the feather-light touches Sirius was giving her. Sirius looked up at her with an innocent smile and honest-to-god batted her lashes at Remy, tilting her head just so.
“Can’t I take my time on you?” she asked, clearly aiming for saccharine obliviousness. Remus growled low in her throat and pushed herself up on one elbow, extending her other arm to fist her hand in Sirius’s shaggy black hair.
“No,” Rem returned with a heavy dosage of snark, yanking on Sirius’s hair, only able to see her blissed out expression as she moaned for a split second before she all but dragged Sirius’s mouth to her pussy and held her there insistently.

Having Remy take control was a major turn on for Sirius, who hummed contentedly against Rem’s folds as her tongue automatically got to work sliding over her opening and teasing it cruelly before pressing a soft kiss to her clit. It was hard to be considerate and gentle to begin with when Rem was pulling her face fast to her cunt, but Sirius was nothing if not determined. The moan Rem let out when Sirius drew a stripe up Rem’s pussy was frankly pornographic and Sirius’s hips twitched against the mattress, her hands sliding up to Rem’s thighs, her nails biting in. Rem had always loved the pain, but she liked inflicting it more despite her usual almost caregiving ways. As she licked up and over Rem’s clit she scratched patterns into her thighs and hips, leaving red lines in her wake.

“C’mon, fucking eat me out, stop messing around,” Remus ground out with considerable effort to make her words coherent. Sirius simply smirked and fucked her tongue into Rem before bringing one hand away from her hip and under her thigh, delving two fingers deep inside her without warning.
“Impatient,” Sirius mumbled in between her thighs, muffled by the skin pressing against her lips, the wetness that had started dribbling down her chin to send courses of droplets down her neck and onto the bedsheets. Rem just grunted and tugged her hair a little harder, the roots straining at her scalp with a fiery sort of pain that made Sirius buck down against nothing but the flat of their mattress, seeking some form of friction the seam of her jeans couldn’t provide despite how close they were nestled to her crotch.

“Poor baby,” Remus cooed, tone dripping with condescension. Sirius shuddered, realising this might mean she’ll get something in return sooner than later. She had thought their first time having sex after all of this might be soft and passionate but it was turning out hard and rough; Remus had obviously missed punishing her girlfriend, despite their absence from one another. She was consistent in her tastes, Sirius would give her that. “All confined in her tight, tight jeans. Like she wanted to tease me… But I guess that backfired, huh?”

Sirius groaned her agreement, writhing on the bed as she continued to fuck into Remus’s dripping cunt, tongue lapping at her wetness and over her clit again and again, desperate to earn her reward. Moaning lowly, Remus rocked her hips against Sirius’s mouth once, then twice more.
“My little bitch,” Rem hissed, quivering as Sirius crooked her fingers just right to press against her g-spot as she suckled on her clit, knowing just what to do to drive Rem crazy. It was impossible not to become intoxicated with it, to deny herself that pleasure that Sirius was so eager to provide. “My little bitch in heat,” Rem murmured, before tipping her head back to suck in a deep breath, her impending orgasm licking up her spine in white heat.

“Please,” Sirius moaned against her pussy, her thighs quivering as they pressed together to allow her some relief. Remus looked down at her and their eyes met, Sirius’s eyes blown wide and hazy with lust, her pupils dilated enough to almost swallow the deep grey irises. That crazed look, so desperate for some form of release, tipped Remus over the edge with one more stripe licked deft and hard over her clit. She came with what was almost a howl, head thrown back as her hips bucked up into Sirius’s skilled mouth, her hair becoming a wild tangle over the mattress. Sirius let out a high whine at the sensation, loving the way she could feel as well as see Remy, her Remy fall apart.

As soon as the last, shallower waves had passed over Remus, she pushed herself up on slightly wobbly arms and seized on to Sirius’s shoulder, dragging her up to kiss her hard. Their teeth clicked together slightly awkwardly until Sirius changed the angle to let their lips slide together with ease, opening her mouth to Remus who took what she offered without a second thought. Their positions changed by increments and then Remus put Sirius flat on her back on the bed in one sharp movement that threw the air out of her lungs.

Together they worked on undoing Sirius’s jeans in a hurried fashion, their movements jerky and uncoordinated in their rush. Once the jeans had been thrown away in a trajectory that lands them by Remus’s jeans, Remus quickly did away with her underwear, tossing them aside in a blur of black silk. Finally able to get at what she had been waiting for, Remus leaned in and pressed her face between Sirius’s thighs, generous mouth lapping at her and all but devouring her on the spot. Sirius moaned loudly, legs spreading apart with ease without thought only to whimper in neglect as Remus pulled away, casting a sinful smile up at her desperate girlfriend’s lewd visage.

“Be patient, you fucking slut,” Remus gloated, leaning over Sirius to stroke her face almost tenderly before a look of inspiration crosses her expression. “You just don’t know how to do what you’re told… Get me off once and think you make the rules, hm?”

Remus shifted to sit with her legs stretched out over the floor, off the mattress from her knees down. Sirius propped herself up, lust-glazed eyes taking in the sight of Remus who is pulling her jumper and tshirt over her head, unclasping her bra and sliding it down her elegantly sloped shoulders. Just seeing Rem naked for her like this, her gorgeous body on display, each scar shining silver against the slight golden tint that still clung to her skin despite the lack of sunlight, sent a shiver through Sirius. She had been craving this for so long, and now her dreams were here in the flesh, the girl she had fantasised about to bring herself off when she was here so painfully alone, thinking back on the beautiful things Rem could do with her tongue. Her distraction meant that she didn’t quite get the meaning of this change in position, what Remus meant to do now.

“Come here,” Remus demanded, tone brokering no nonsense. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

Sirius almost fell over herself in her rush to do as she was told, not wanting to irritate Remus at all. She wanted to be good for her girlfriend, wanted to receive the attention she was craving. Awkwardly, she crawled over to Remus and draped herself over Remy’s thighs, her torso pressed into the mattress with her spine in a pretty arc that settled her ass onto Rem’s lap, legs stretched across the other side. Rem hummed her approval, stroking one skillful hand up and down Sirius’s thighs, enjoying the way they shook at her touch. Her fingers dipped to Sirius’s inner thigh, then up to her ass to grope her harshly, loving the way the already-pale skin turned completely white in her grip before the blood rushed back in. There would be far more than these small red blushes once Remus was done. Before she started her true purpose of having Sirius like this, she traced her fingers over Sirius’s pussy, murmuring softly in approval.

“Pretty baby,” she breathed, and Sirius whimpered again in such an animalistic way that it drove Remus half mad just hearing it. Her strictness lessened by her need, Remus pushed her fingers deep into Sirius’s cunt, her left hand pressing on the small of her girlfriend’s back to hold her down while the other fucked mercilessly into her. Sirius whimpered, outright moaned and eventually reached a crescendo into almost a scream, writhing under Remy’s thrusts. Her hips attempted to buck in futile jerks, her legs quivered as they attempted to curl in on themselves. The lewd noises being pulled from her cunt were hardly audible to her over her own gasping breath but to Rem they were musical, making her own pussy throb with want. Sirius could barely make a coherent noise or form a coherent thought as an orgasm loomed over her, and Rem seemed to sense its nearness as her fingers were suddenly gone, leaving Sirius’s walls to clench around nothing.

“Why?” she whined, wanton, her voice choked with tears of pleasure and now upset that she had been denied. Remus huffed out a cruel laugh and smoothed her slicked hand up the back of Sirius’s thigh again before lifting her palm almost thoughtfully. Sirius was so out of breath, her heartbeat flooding her ears, that the first smack landed on her without any warning she could have comprehended. The heat blossomed over her rear slowly after the sharp sting, and Sirius moaned brokenly at the pain. Hoping to please by submitting easily, she lifted her ass from Rem’s lap by pressing up through her knees. Rem laughed again, so lacking in compassion in this moment once she was in her headspace. With one steady hand she pushed Sirius flat onto her front once more before bringing her other hand hard down on the other cheek, watching the distinct handprint bloom over her girlfriend’s milky skin.

“Because I decided to,” Remus replied after a moment, letting Sirius come down from the last smack only to supply another with vigour. “Because I decide what we do, and you let me,” she added, smile growing. “Because you like getting punished.” Remus bent over at the waist to press a feather of a kiss to the knoll at the base of Sirius’s neck, tasting the sweat there. “Because you’re a whore for me, aren’t you? And you do what I say.” To punctuate the end of her explanation, she rained down a series of spanks on Sirius’s pert ass, before repositioning the now weak-limbed girl to lie on her front on the mattress fully once more. Nudging her legs apart with a careless hand, Rem got on her knees in the space she created and distributed her weight through all fours, inclining her neck to press a soft kiss to the redness that had spread over Sirius’s ass almost completely. She could pair pain with pleasure as well as any expert of Sirius’s body, though that list was limited to one. Rem knew just when to pull back on the punishment to show her some tenderness, and knew when to take her warmth away to replace it with scalding heat instead.

Gasping minutely at the change of pace, Sirius lay there as still as she could with her face pressed partially into her pillow, her muscles convulsing of their own accord. Remus trailed her fingers delicately over Sirius’s thighs while she continued to pepper her rear with soft kisses. Then, she delivered a quick slap to Sirius’s flank and sat back on her haunches. Sirius glanced at her inquisitively over her shoulder, face the picture of totally fucked-out and dazed.
“Well, don’t make me do all the work. Hands and knees, Siri,” Rem ordered, stretching across the expanse of the bed to fish something out of the small set of drawers they had put up by the mattress despite neglecting to buy a bedframe. She tossed the fetched items onto the bed but slapped at Sirius’s flank again when she tried to crane her neck to look at them, determined to keep it a surprise. Remy returned to her position behind Sirius with a heady mixture of want and pride, taking in the view Sirius offered with her ass in the air, the slope of her spine a steep curve to where her chest touched the sheets, arms bent in brackets around her head, facing the left and occasionally straining her neck to try and peek at Remus. “Pretty,” Rem offered, slipping one long finger down the cleft of Sirius’s rear, teasing at her tight, untouched hole.

Sirius clenched and then forced herself to relax, spreading her thighs a little further, finding herself flustered and blushing at the attention her ass was being given even though they had done this many times before. The vulnerability of the position was something she grappled with every time, but if there was anyone she could give herself up to it would be Remy. Rem, who had never hurt her when she had been given every opportunity and sometimes reason to hurt Sirius, had never hurt her in a way she didn’t crave. The proof was here, in this moment, the way Remus looked down on Sirius’s fragile position and leaned down with the air of confidence she always possessed at this, as she had always been a natural.

First there was one long and even stripe licked over Sirius’s hole, which twitched minutely at the sensation. Sirius let out a soft moan that was by halves filled with insecurity and want. Then Remus indulged her, laving at her ass with direct intent, teasing it and opening it until Sirius was falling apart beneath her. It took very little time for Remus to work Sirius’s hole open so she could fuck into it with her tongue with ease, thrusting in and out in quick motions. For now, she let Sirius thrust back against her, the movements of her girlfriend were cute in how frantic they were, and Remus wanted to show Sirius just how much she missed her.

Reaching for the items she had grabbed from their bedside, Remus slicked two fingers with lube before pressing them both against Sirius’s hole at once. Again, she knew the right time to take away her warmth and trade it for hellfire; the prep with her tongue was almost enough for this to be comfortable, but not quite. The stretch made Sirius whimper and wiggle her hips, and this time Remus dug her free hand tight into Sirius’s waist to make her stay still.

Her fingers moved fluidly inside of Sirius, stretching her out and pushing her walls until they submitted to her will. Picking up the glass plug Sirius had bought on a whim last year, she positioned it at Sirius’s entrance and started to slide it in as she removed her fingers. As the plug slid in, Sirius groaned softly and pushed herself up more on her forearms, head hanging limply between her arms. Her ass clenched once, twice around the new intrusion before relaxing, allowing it to sit pretty like Remy wanted it to.

“Such a good girl, Siri,” Rem praised, pressing a kiss to each cheek before clasping her hands tightly around Sirius’s hips turning her to sit properly. Sirius wiggled her hips a little at the new angle, whimpering at the pressure put on her stretched rim. She looked at Rem with wide, teary eyes, hopeful but hardly daring to expect more. “Be good for me one more time and I’ll look after you so well,” she promised, pushing Siri down by the shoulders once more to lie on her back.

There was hardly a moment to think as Remus crawled up the bed and looked down at Sirius with a small smile one last time, petting her cheek softly before she stretched upright and used the leverage of her hands on the wall behind them to straddle Sirius’s face with ease. Siri moaned hungrily, craning her neck up to press her tongue against Remy’s sensitive clit, enjoying the feeling of her girlfriend twitching above her. It was just like Rem to be so greedy, to want to get off twice but deny Sirius so far, but then again it was just like Sirius to be so greedy to be straining to dip her tongue into Rem’s folds, pushing inside her to taste again.

“Oh fuck, baby,” Rem hissed, grinding her hips down onto Sirius’s mouth, making it easier for her to push her tongue up and in more, even more. It was an endless sea of wanting, of craving more of the feeling of Siri’s tongue stroking over her and pressing into her in all the right places. She was still sensitive from before but she wanted, no, needed this. Spreading her legs a little further so she could have her hips pressed in close to Sirius’s waiting mouth, she stretched back and reached one hand behind herself, feeling for the ready opening of her girlfriend’s legs and humming contentedly when she found it, her fingers moving over the needy slickness there. Immediately Siri whimpered against her folds and lapped at Remy with more fervour, her legs beginning to shake of her own accord as Rem centred her attention on her clit. Sirius returned the favour, sucking on Rem’s clit once more and running her tongue over it in smooth circular motions, infrequently pulling back to blow cool air over the delicate bud.

“Please, please Remy, please, I want you,” she groaned, arching her back to get her hips set more firmly on Rem’s hand. Remus laughed gently and rutted her pussy down onto Sirius’s begging mouth to shut her up, tossing her hair over one shoulder. Of course, Siri sounded so good begging but Remus felt there was a time and a place for that, and when her cunt was aching with need that time was far from now. Still Siri prevailed, the muffled mumble of “I want to cum,” reverberating up Rem’s spine. Remy used her free hand to fist Sirius’s hair and yank it upwards, once more pushing her lips more firmly to her clit.
“Eat my cunt or you won’t get to cum,” she threatened in a gravelly voice that spoke of how much this power play was turning her on. Sirius moaned long and low against Rem’s clit before doing as she was told, not wanting to risk being denied her orgasm again.

As Siri had listened to her after only one further order, Rem decided not to punish her. She worked her fingers over Sirius’s clit in quick little circles aided by the slick Siri’s cunt was so readily producing, moans spilling from her lips as she was brought closer to her climax. Determined to give back as good as she got, she started to press her fingers just the way she knew Siri liked, alternating between hard rubs and gentle quirks of her fingertips. Sirius’s hips were starting to twitch upwards involuntarily, and for a moment Rem considered denying her once more, just to force those beautiful desperate whines out of her for longer. However, she was also getting close now thanks to the pointed attention to her clit from her girlfriend’s soft tongue, and as she began to rut down in reckless abandon her fingers moved faster until she heard Sirius let out a long, strangled moan.

Rem took advantage of Sirius’s open mouth, rolling her hips to rub her clit on Sirius’s lips and chin, the stimulation along with Siri’s hot breath enough to bring her to her orgasm. Sirius was whining, writhing underneath her, trying to move her tongue still over Rem’s throbbing pussy as they both came in tandem. It brought Remy even higher and the waves of her orgasm overtook her. She pressed her hips down once more then another time after that before her whole body stuttered with overstimulation, Sirius’s hips making a similar jerky movements as Rem overworked her with her lithe fingers.

Both of them heaved for breath, Rem being the first to move as she dismounted with trembling legs, hardly able to hold up her own body weight. Sirius stared up at her, expression awestruck and full of a surplus of love. Rem returned the look with one just as tender, curling in on herself to reach Siri’s lips and give her a soft, sweet kiss. She could taste herself on her girlfriend’s lips and tongue, relishing in it and the primal desire it fed into to mark Siri as hers. There had been times when Siri had not been hers to hold, not exclusively at least, and the smugness that often reared its head when she could wreck Sirius like this surged within her. One soft kiss bled in to another, Remus trailing them from Sirius’s lips to her chin and jaw, then to her rapidly fluttering neck.

It couldn’t stop there. Remus simply wasn’t ready to stop, despite the bone deep exhaustion she could feel coursing through her. She littered kisses down Sirius’s neck and onto her chest, paying special attention to her most sensitive spots on her clavicles and sternum. She crossed from there to one breast, circling her nipple and then the other before finally paying them attention in the form of kitten nips and licks. Sirius’s chest heaved up into her ministrations, unable to help herself although she felt well and truly spent. Whatever Rem wanted to give her, she was willing to take.

The kisses continued downwards over her stomach, where Rem was thorough in kissing all over, noting the changes in the terrain with a carefulness that could only be named as devotion. The places that had been smooth and soft with a fine layer of fat were depleted now, giving way to lean muscle that had hidden under the skin from years of athleticism, and more bone was now defined beneath this. Sirius stared at the curly mop of hair descending her torso, then up to the ceiling as she continued to try and catch her breath. Networks of goosebumps broke out over her abdomen at the soft kisses placed there and she found her cunt stirring again in want. How could she stomach more when she was so wrought out after being edged like she had been?

Regardless of her considerations, Rem placed one chaste kiss to the patch of hair on her crotch and Sirius felt her legs fall open even though she hadn’t been asked. Remus smiled up at her, her previous meanness gone and replaced by sweetness, almost apology. Siri extended one hand down towards Rem, carding her fingers delicately through her girlfriend’s curls, showing her forgiveness. For that, Rem leaned in and tongued at her folds, stroking around her clit gently. Knowing Siri was sensitive, she took her time going down on her, holding her hips in soft and warm hands, stroking her fingers over them. Siri moaned, rolled her hips and felt her legs drop fully to each side to allow better access.

“You don’t need to be gentle with me,” Sirius groaned, wiggling her hips a little against Rem’s mouth. Rem laughed softly against her skin, tasting it gently as she did so before pulling back a small amount.
“Then what do you want?” Remy asked, tone lilting and playful. Siri smirked and hummed in thought, tilting her head back to look at the ceiling again.
“I want you to fuck me with the strap on and make me beg. Then you can eat me out,” she informed calmly, uncaring that both of them were fatigued beyond measure. Rem snorted and pulled back, sitting up on her haunches to stare down at Siri in disbelief.
“You’re insatiable,” she grumbled, even though she was already scrambling over the bed for the harness. Siri watched her put it on, the way her limbs moved awkwardly as she struggled with the harness straps. Leaning up, she took the straps in her own hands and tightened them to fit snugly around Rem’s hips and rear, looking up into Rem’s dark eyes. They stared into one another’s eyes for a long moment, drinking in the mutual lust there, before Rem rubbed at the slick of Sirius’s pussy and used it to wet the length of the dildo. Sirius moaned at the touch and lay back, legs spread again automatically. This time, Remus crawled between them and in one fluid motion pushed inside of her.

Looming over Siri like this, Rem smirked down at her and leaned in for a long, wet kiss. Sirius returned it generously, pussy tightening and loosening around the length of the toy as she got used to the depth of its penetration. They both moaned softly as they pulled apart, Remus looking down at Sirius fondly before doing as Sirius had asked.

First her hips rolled slowly in and out, giving Siri time to adjust to the stretch. Then, after a minute or so of that, Remus began to piston her hips faster, fucking harder and deeper into Sirius without mercy. Siri began to buck up against each thrust, meeting Rem each time. She could feel herself losing control, gasping for air as sweat dripped steadily down from her temples. She was deaf to the pitiful whines and whimpers she let out, her legs hooked around Remy’s hips, the skin of her calves rubbed raw by the rough material of the harness. She threw her head back as her cunt started to convulse, an orgasm already building at the base of her spine and the pit of her stomach. The plug in her ass shifted with each thrust, stretching her rim even more. The stimulation was a lot to cope with, and Rem watched in awe as Sirius’s eyes began to roll back in her head, limbs twitching on the mattress as she took everything Rem could give her.

It was a miracle that there was this much energy left for Remus to use, but maybe two months of separation would do that. It was as if she was using this vigour to reconnect them and make up for the lost time they could have been doing this in, the times their calls had derailed into phone sex coming together in one cloth. As she saw this come to be, she fucked Siri faster, pushing all of her feeling in to it, all of the frustration at being apart.

It was animalistic, the way the mattress springs creaked beneath them, the whines and moans Sirius let out in a chain she didn’t realise was being pulled from her, the sweat crawling down Rem’s back. She stared down into Siri’s eyes, possessing her as she pressed closer to her, as close as she could. Once Sirius had shuddered through a strong g-spot orgasm, hips bucking frantically and legs twitching, Rem pulled back, undid the harness and threw it aside before lowering her head to Siri’s clenching cunt.

“Oh fuck, Rem, I don’t know if I can,” she slurred, turning her head away as her rapid breath continued to be punched out of her.
“You can, baby. For me.” Rem shot Sirius a devilish grin before lapping at her pussy in earnest, drinking the juices with a greedy mouth that was tireless in its aim.

Sirius held on to Rem’s hair for dear life, her clit hard and pussy swollen by the abuse of the strap on. Remus lapped at her until her slick was running own her chin and her jaw felt strained and tight. She continued even when she felt cramp coming on, pressing her tongue past Siri’s folds and fucking into her cunt shallowly, taking the taste in. She stroked up to Sirius’s clit, drawing a strangled cry out of her as she lavished her attention on it, feeling her girlfriend’s heels digging into her upper back. It didn’t take long, despite already having come twice. Sirius found herself crashing through another orgasm, spending the last of her energy with such force she started to cry half way through, sobs wracking her body mercilessly as she all but melted into the bed.

Once she had ceased going through the initial shockwaves and mellowed through her climax, Sirius’s sobs became softer but still frequent. Remus crawled up her body, wiping the wetness from her chin as she went, and curled around Sirius’s stretched out form protectively, nuzzling her nose in against her neck as she had at the airport.
“Hey, hey, I’ve got you,” she murmured, placating Sirius with a hand stroking through her girlfriend’s now wild birds’ nest of hair. She knew that Siri was overwhelmed, that sometimes she got like this after they had gone at it for a while, that the overstimulation took its toll on her. It was no surprise that Siri was feeling like that now, after two months of nothing, no touching, no holding, no kissing. This was a large jump, from zero to sixty.
“I missed you s-so much,” Sirius hiccuped, sobbing up to the ceiling before finally mustering the energy to roll onto her side to face Rem, curling against her.

It broke Remus’s heart to hear Sirius so bent out of shape like this, and the things she hadn’t quite put meaning to before - the carved out appearance of her ribs and the knobs on her spine, the dark purple bruise-like bags under her eyes, the bitten down nails - now came together. Sirius had been taking this badly, had struggled more than she had cared to let Rem know, and now it was pouring out as if through a crack in a dam. Soon that dam would crumble, and neither of them could control what would come through that opening.

“I missed you too, Sirius,” Rem whispered, feeling intensely guilty. She hadn’t perhaps considered quite how hard this had been for Sirius; for her it was not as difficult, considering the fact she had been kept busy with her placements. Sirius had been here after a major upheaval, having just dropped out of her law degree, alone mainly apart from a handful of close friends, working a job she hated. One of the only pieces of stability life had afforded her moved across the map, leaving her foundations teetering unstably. How could she not have thought of it like this?

Sirius was scrambling for purchase on Remus’s sweat slick body, fingers curling in as her nails bit into flesh. Her respiration rate was soaring, her eyes squeezed shut as if she were afraid that to open them would be to reveal that none of this was real. Remus stroked a hand up and down Siri’s back, the other still tangled in her hair, and brought her through it with soft whispers and careful ministrations upon her sex-spent body. Once Sirius emerged from the other side of the boiling temperatures of her emotions, they were both ready to pass out from exhaustion, Remus’s hands moving at a sluggish pace, Sirius’s tremors slowing down by virtue of having no energy left to spend.

“I missed you,” Sirius repeated, voice slurred with fatigue. Remus tilted her head to press a gentle kiss to her girlfriend’s parched lips, dotting another to the tip of her nose and another to her forehead.
“I know. I missed you too. Let’s sleep.”

Sirius slept better than she had in two months without the help of alcohol or drugs to lean on as a crutch. When she woke up to the weight of Remus draped around her she could have cried again in relief, finally feeling well rested and secure in her bed. At some point in the night they had rolled so that Remus was spooning Sirius, a secure line of warmth running down her body from shoulder to thigh. Now, Sirius turned slowly to face her girlfriend and looked at her sleeping face, the faint glow of her skin thanks to their ‘exercise’ the night before. A fond smile spread over her face unbidden, the previous fears and worries still nipping at her heels but not quite fast enough to catch up with the overwhelming surges of love Sirius was then feeling for Remy.

At some point she must have dozed back off. When she woke up, the mattress by her body was cold and the duvet peeled back. Confused and groggy, Sirius sat up and looked around in quick motions, fear setting over her like an ice bath. Then, the smell of coffee and something cooking in a pan reached her and her limbs unfurled again, relief quelling her initial nerves.

It took considerable effort to drag herself out of bed, picking up the t-shirt and jumper Rem had worn yesterday and yanking them on to ward off the cool that had seeped into the room throughout the night. Shivering a little, she padded through to their small kitchen and felt herself light up when her eyes set on Remus standing at the stovetop in one of Sirius’s oversized band tees and a loose pair of shorts. As if sensing her, Rem turned around and smiled warmly.
“Morning,” she greeted, removing one hand from her cooking - eggs, bacon and sausage - to hold her arm out to Sirius. Sirius went to her side and snuggled in, leaning up on tip-toe to kiss Rem’s cheek and then down to her jaw.

“You’ve been smoking in here,” Remy pointed out after a moment, gesturing to the old chipped mug set on the windowsill. Sirius grumbled and hid her face in the crook of Rem’s neck, mumbling something unintelligible. Remus grinned and craned her neck to kiss the top of Sirius’s head. “Cheeky.”

Remus cooked their breakfast while Sirius pottered about with the dishes she had left over from the last couple of days that she hadn’t gotten to yet. Once the food was plated up along with a couple slices of toast, they went to the tiny table pushed up against the kitchen window and sat across from one another. A heavy silence had fallen over them, broken only by the clattering of their cutlery against their plates. Sirius’s mind was swirling a little bit at the three weeks ahead of them, seeming infinitesimally short from this perspective. Remus watched Sirius eating, glad to see her devouring the food she had put in front of her. Last night she had taken some time to fall asleep, holding Sirius in her arms and tracing her fingers over the hollows of Sirius’s body where there had been none two months ago. The guilt was eating at her, and even now that she was so hungry due to not having eaten since before her flight the day before, her appetite was pretty low. She poked at her eggs absently with her fork, looking between Sirius’s face and then down at her plate.

“So… What do you want to do today?” Remus asked, just to break the silence. Sirius looked up at her with a mouthful of bacon, blinking out of her reverie. She was taken off guard by the question, having been floundering for the duration of breakfast so far on what to talk about. Sirius and Remus had never struggled with conversation, but she felt awkward all of a sudden by the obviousness of the lies she had been telling these past couple of months. That mantra of I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine had fallen through like a roof with a leak, and she almost felt she had betrayed Remus by keeping it up even when she had reached crisis point. She could hear Jamie’s ‘I told you so’ in the back of her mind.

“Um,” Sirius replied eloquently, swallowing her bacon and taking a drink of orange juice with an exaggerated gulp. Her eyes were comically wide and Remus bit back a laugh at the sight of her, leaning her chin in the cup of her palm with her fingers brushing over her quirking lips.
“We can just stay in if you want?” Remy offered after the silence had drawn out, Sirius looking like the cogs in her brain were working overtime. At Rem’s suggestion she nodded quickly, snatching up the opportunity with both hands.

Sirius washed the dishes and Remus dried, putting everything away in a more timely manner than they usually managed. Again, Sirius didn’t say much and Rem was starting to think that she was avoiding conversation altogether. Maybe they both felt just as guilty as one another, unable to enjoy the relief of being back together as they realised that neither of them had truly grasped how it would feel to be apart.

Instead of heeding Rem’s earlier admonishment, once the dishes were done Sirius crossed to the window and perched on the kitchen table, lighting up a cigarette and eyeing Remus as if challenging her to complain. Remus followed her to the table and plucked the cigarette from between her fingers, taking a drag for herself and smiling sweetly at her girlfriend, blowing the smoke out of the open window. Sirius accepted it back, watching Remy closely with interest, wondering if she was going to say anything.

Rem sighed, stroked her hand up and down Sirius’s bare thighs thoughtfully and looked up at her girlfriend through her eyelashes. Sighing, Siri spread her legs and wrapped them around the back of Rem’s, pulling her in close so they were as close as possible, sharing the cigarette between them. After a while, Sirius sagged forward and rested her head against Rem’s chest, staring blankly at the worn out pattern of the t-shirt she was wearing and trying to get her thoughts to work together so she could find something to say. The silence was dragging on, punctuated by small sighs and the inhale and exhale of smoke. Rem crushed the butt into the mug Sirius had been using, finally pulling away from Siri to do so. When she returned she remained a step away, placing a finger under Sirius’s chin and tilting her face up to force her to look at her.

“Are you mad at me?” Rem asked after a moment of scrutinising Sirius’s face, which looked vaguely despondent and guilty. Sirius didn’t want to feel upset or anything negative at all right now; by all accounts she should be ecstatic, with Rem home with her and after the mindblowing sex they had had the night before. All the same, her pessimistic nature was taking hold and she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about the fact that this blissful period would be cut off in a few weeks with Remus getting back on a plane and disappearing to France again for at least three months. Even if Sirius were to visit her at some point during that, if she could scrape together the funds, it wouldn’t be the same. They wouldn’t be at home, they wouldn’t have the same amount of privacy or normalcy. Sirius ached deep within her chest, searching for the excitement she had felt the night before but finding herself a little hollow.

“No,” she replied at last, completely honest. She looked into Remus’s eyes and bit her lip, and when Rem removed the finger under her chin her head sagged forward to sit her chin against her chest. She felt ridiculously small and was furiously berating herself internally for being such a downer.

Remus watched her try to fold in on herself before wrapping Sirius up in a tight hug, cradling the other girl to her chest and stroking her back softly.
“I’m sorry,” Rem breathed, mouth pressed against the top of Siri’s hair which was still sticking up in every direction from the night before. “I didn’t think about how hard it would be for you, and I should have called more often and I should have asked you more often if you were really okay instead of taking it at face value…” Sirius shook her head against Remy’s sternum, face screwed up as she tried to keep her emotions in check.
“You should be able to trust me to tell the truth about it,” Siri grumbled, wrapping her arms tight around Rem’s waist and holding her close, never wanting to let go. Remus hummed and nuzzled her cheek against Sirius’s hair.
“You were trying to look after me by keeping it quiet. I get that.”

They stayed there, holding one another for a long while until Sirius finally pulled back to look up into Rem’s face, bringing one hand to the back of Rem’s neck to tug her down into a gentle kiss.
“It’s hard without you here,” Sirius explained, at last. Remus nodded and kissed her again chastely, leaning their foreheads together and looking down at her, waiting for her to elaborate. “I want you to enjoy your time away and have fun, but I miss you and I don’t really… I mean it’s a rough time at the moment is all,” she mumbled, looking anywhere but Remus as if she was embarrassed by her own weakness.

“Have you been seeing Jamie and Petra much?” Remus asked after a bit, hands carding gently through Siri’s hair. When her girlfriend simply shrugged, Rem frowned and stood back to force Sirius to stop hiding her face against her chest. “You said you wouldn’t hole up in here all the time…”
“I’ve been working,” Sirius pointed out tiredly, shuffling back on the table and bringing her knees up to her chest, resting her chin atop them. Her guilt was clear to see on her face, regretting ever lying to Remus out of misguided protection. Perhaps she hadn’t been honest to look after Remus’s enjoyment, perhaps she had been keeping it to herself because she felt like the burden wasn’t one she ought to share. Something she deserved and should hold close to her chest so that she couldn’t be accused of shrugging it off.

“You’ve at least enjoyed France, though, right?” Siri asked, looking for the opportunity to redirect the attention away from herself. The truth of anything she could say would likely be too pathetic, and she had already ruined the mood enough. Remus flushed a little, feeling bad to talk about the fact that yes, she had really enjoyed her time in France, even though she had missed Sirius. She knew she shouldn’t lie though, so she bit her lip and looked into Sirius’s eyes and nodded.
“It’s been pretty good,” she confessed, voice quiet and Sirius managed a brave smile, genuinely happy that Remus had at least been having some fun. “I’ve missed you a lot, though.”
“But you didn’t know how much, huh?” Siri asked, voice teasing as she parroted back what Rem had said the night before. Remus scowled and flapped a hand at her, trying to dismiss the cheekiness Siri was still treating her to even though they were having some kind of ‘moment’.
“I guess not,” she sighed, pushing away from the table and wandering to the counter, starting up the coffee machine to make them both a cup. Sirius pushed herself off the table, hesitating before binning the ash in the mug and putting it in the sink, going from there through to the room.

Siri needed a shower but right now she couldn’t really be bothered to take one. Showering in this flat took some perseverance considering the water took a good five minutes to get decently warm and after that it was still temperamental enough to keep you on your toes. Peeling off Rem’s dirty tshirt and jumper she had thrown on, Siri changed into sweatpants and a tank top before curling up on the bed. Even though she valued Remus’s honestly, it still stung to be told that she hadn’t been missed as much as Siri had missed Rem. It made sense, and yet...

“I can hear you thinking from in here,” Remus called through, shattering the silence and jerking Sirius out of her train of thought. Probably a good thing, seeing as she had been getting emotional. They shared coffee on the mattress, curled up against each other. Even if the silence was still heavy, it wasn’t quite as uncomfortable.

The following weeks passed in a blur of long conversations and lazy mornings, meeting up with friends, engaging in the festivities surrounding them and trying not to talk about the impending deadline of Remus’s flight. Sirius was avoiding that topic with such strength that sometimes by the glow in her eyes and the unbridled joy evident in her smile, Rem could almost believe she had forgotten it. Remy never seemed to forget it, forging a cast of guilt for herself throughout the days as she thought about the weight Siri was just gaining back thanks to the non-stop food on the go at everyone’s houses, and how she would lose it once Rem had left. Thinking about how she was sleeping so soundly but that if Remus woke up at night and got out of bed, sometimes Sirius would begin to whimper as if without Rem’s warmth next to her, the bad dreams could get in with ease. It was a weight on Remy’s shoulders that she couldn’t shake.

It was Jamie that came up with the plan. Rem and Jamie met up just the two of them when Siri went to meet her little sister for a pre-Christmas coffee and lunch. Jamie confessed to Rem that even though she had tried to look after Siri, Sirius was notoriously difficult to take care of. However, she had an idea and pitched it to Remy as soon as they were alone.

At Christmas time it wasn’t exactly an easy plan to execute, and Remus had to deal with the bureaucracy of the landlords and whatnot. It came together, but not without stress and not without plenty of prying questions and curious looks from Siri, who wanted to know what was so important that Remus was so busy so often.

Remus went out early one morning, before 8am to go into town. Sirius woke up only ten minutes before Remy’s return, confused and startled by waking up to a cold flat, alone. There was no noise, no smell, no nothing to betray where Rem might be, and she checked her phone for clues but found none. Having a cigarette at the kitchen window, Siri looked down into the street below and thought she saw Rem’s familiar curly mop down below, but only caught a quick glimpse of it before they were too near the bottom of the building to see from the sill.

Waiting impatiently at the table, Sirius sent several texts to Remus over the next couple of minutes, scowling at her screen as it continued to show no notifications. What the hell was going on? Remus had been acting so weird, busy on her phone almost constantly even though they had promised to spend as much of their time together during these three weeks as possible. She fired off one more text, starting to get truly pissed off now, only to hear the sound of Remus receiving the notification on the other side of the front door. Raising her brows and looking up, Sirius watched for Rem to come in. She could hear the girl’s voice, quiet on the other side of the thick wood, shushing someone before she unlocked the door and pushed in.

Before Sirius saw Remus, she saw a bundle of black fur barrelling towards her with an excited bark. Sirius gawped at it, then up at Remy, before her face crumpled.
“You… You got me a dog?” she stammered, feeling her eyes burn as tears welled up. Was this what Rem had been doing all this time, trying to set this up for her? She sunk down onto the floor on her knees to pet the dog which had been busy sniffing around her ankles. The dog was immediately responsive to her, excited to see her. It was a bloody huge dog, all shaggy black fur and big adorable brown eyes, its tail long and bushy as it whacked at the kitchen table.
“Her name is Padfoot,” Remus explained with a sheepish grin, shutting the door behind her and taking a few tentative steps towards Sirius, who was burying her face in Padfoot’s fur and sniffling. Padfoot was wriggling, trying to move to lick at Siri’s face but still lapping up the attention. She was clearly a very sociable dog. “She was the runt of the litter and got abandoned. She’s been in the shelter since.”

Sirius’s eyes widened, looking up at Remus in shock. Rem bit her lip and opened up her huge jacket to reveal a little caramel coloured dog, curled up against Remy’s chest.
“This one is Moony. Padfoot’s been looking after her, so I didn’t want to separate them.”
“Oh my god,” Siri choked out, tears finally spilling over. Padfoot caught sight of Moony and barked at Rem, demanding the little dog to be put down. As soon as Remy did so, Padfoot picked Moony up by the scruff and brought her over to Siri, dropping the tiny dog into Sirius’s lap.

Remus sat down on the kitchen floor in front of Sirius, patting the two dogs as they came to her and watching her girlfriend closely, basking in the happiness radiating from her.
“They’re really for me?” Siri asked, scrubbing the tears away from her eyes roughly before picking up Moony, who licked at her face cutely. Rem nodded and grinned, scratching Padfoot behind the ear.
“So long as you want them, then yeah,” she agreed, and Sirius let out a little sob before crawling forward into Rem’s lap, having to navigate around the dogs to do so. “I thought you’d like the company while I’m away.”

It took Sirius a little while to get used to having to run around with Padfoot and Moony, seeing as she had been pretty much an indoor cat these past couple months. But once she was used to it she started to love it, spending hours a day out with the two dogs. She found a couple dog parks to bring them to, and they played well with others though Padfoot was always intensely protective of Moony. Once, when Padfoot was play fighting with another big dog, Moony decided to jump in between the two of them and do her best imitation of a snarl. It sounded more like a squeak, but Padfoot had seemed to appreciate it all the same.

Of course, Jamie and Petra couldn’t stand to be left out and so Jamie ended up getting a labrador puppy she called Prongs, and Petra got a tiny chihuahua that looked vaguely rat like and called it Wormtail. Now that Sirius couldn’t stay inside all day every day, when Remus returned to France Jamie, Petra and Siri met up at least twice weekly to walk their dogs together. And when Rem got back, it was well and truly a full house.

Padfoot and Moony had gotten used to sleeping in bed next to Siri, who no longer had nightmares every night with the dogs curled up against her. After falling off the bed one too many times, Rem and Siri scraped together the money and finally bought a bed frame in a bigger size, along with a bigger mattress.

The only downside to having the two dogs was that now whenever Siri wanted to get laid, Padfoot and Moony were always watching. It took a little while to get used to.