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Sally Kendoo Is Asexual

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For as long as Sally Kendoo can remember, she’s wanted to perform. Her mother loves telling the stories about how, when she was six months old, as soon as she could stand and make sounds, she wanted to sing in front people. She shows home movies of her performances and while those videos tell a different story, over the years Sally has embraced that narrative. She wants to perform and be a star.

For a long time, her weight kept her dream at bay. No one wants to see a 200 lbs 10 year old sing and dance. So, she lost a lot of weight through hard work and became skinny. Now everyone loves her more. She tries not to dwell on those fat years.

When she became skinny, suddenly guys were all over her, showing interest. She thought she would do the same. That she would want of those guys and life her live happily ever after. But she didn’t. She just didn’t want any of them. But no one will root for a single girl to remain single, and her mother kept pestering her about her lack of dating. So she chose William Williams, because Willie claimed to love her the most and he was simple enough to keep satisfied without too much effort on Sally’s part. It was nice to be loved as she is, but she couldn’t really return the favor. But all’s fair in pursuit of stardom, right?

After many, many tries, Sally finally makes it to American Dreamz, her favorite show and she just knows she can win this thing. But now that stardom is near, she is getting really sick of Willie and breaks up with him. Certainly a nice guy like him will eventually find someone who will love him? But Willie won’t move on, and once he becomes an injured war vet and still wants to be with her, who is she to say no? America loves this type of shit.

So, Sally moves through the competition, being the American sweetheart the public wants, bringing out Willie any time she needs to proof her good Midwest girl image while also being pretty sure she could use Martin Tweed if she gets really desperate. She doesn’t understand romantic love, and sex is a transaction, so she doesn’t mind. She just wants to win this thing.

Finally, she makes it to the finale and Willie wants to propose to her, he’s willing to do it on air, in front of millions of viewers. It’s everything a girl like Sally should want. And in some ways, it is. Everyone will love and vote for her once they see how much Willie loves her. But it doesn’t hurt to have Martin in her corner too, so she has sex with him. It’s good enough, and she doesn’t care enough about sex to be bothered by any of it, she just gets ready for her next performance, the final one. Soon, her worries will be over, because she will be rich and Mrs. Williams. That’s all a girl like her wants, right?

But somehow, Willie finds out about the sex and finds a bomb and everything is chaos until the bomb goes off and takes Willie and Martin with it. Sally gets swamped with interview requests, her role now the grieving almost-widow of the nation. She gets offered the job as host of American Dreamz, and well, that’s even better than being the winner, a most likely one hit wonder swallowed into obscurity after the new season starts.

Sally Kendoo becomes the new host of American Dreamz and she knows that dreams do come true.