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Easy Money

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Listen. Not everybody can handle a fast food job or work in retail. After all, both those things required customer service skills (i.e. allowing yourself to get shat on by the general republic to make a sale) and a willingness to work hard hours for minimum wage (i.e. yeah, I don’t I have a clever response, but I felt the need to put this here to keep up the parallelism for this sentence.)

Yoongi wasn’t about to be playing these part time job games if he could find something better. But was is a better option for a seventeen-year-old high school student not willing to put effort into something that he doesn’t enjoy? His mind tells him to sell drugs, but his best friend tells him to sign up for a sugar baby dating website.

“Come onnnnnn, Yoongi! Being a sugar baby isn’t as bad as everybody makes it out to be. All you have to do is show up, shut up, and show out. Easy peasy.” Jimin, the previously mentioned best friend, has been pressuring Yoongi to hop on the dating old men bandwagon since the beginning of the semester. His newfound philosophy of life is, “why work for money when you can have sex with old people for some quick cash?”

So far, Yoongi has refused to respond to Jimin’s umm… helpful suggestion? Yoongi recognizes that he is a beggar and therefore should not be such a chooser, but, come on. Even he has to have to draw the line somewhere. Jimin seems to think differently though.

“You need money too, don’t you Yoongi? Why are you being so stubborn? I only want what’s best for you.” Yoongi still doesn’t reply, so Jimin figures he just has to delve deeper. But digging for a way in is only going to end with him meeting an iron wall. “Yoongi, I know your family needs the money after your dad got laid off last June. Don’t you want to help them?”

That stung. Yoongi would have been taken aback if it was anybody else, but he knows Jimin, and sometimes Jimin operates by hurting those he was intending to help. Yoongi just sometimes needs to remind Jimin that you can’t give CPR to a person who’s only sleeping. Because when that happens, your attempt at saving a life ends up with you breaking that person’s ribs and them ripping you a new one when they take you to court.

Jimin pouts daggers Yoongi’s way, (how is that even possible, Yoongi wonders for the nth time) when Yoongi chooses to ignore Jimin again. They were only ten minutes into the school day, but Yoongi was already debating on whether or not he should skip and look for a new best friend. Preferably one who doesn’t want him to lose his virginity to someone older than his father or reminds him that he’s a bad son who doesn’t care for his family.

As Jimin’s pout intensifies, Yoongi finally decides to formally shoot down his friend’s request, lest Jimin’s oversized doll lips decide to actually fall off from the intensity of his lip puckering. “Listen, I know you meet up with men and they pay you and it’s all good and great, but I’m not you. I can’t…I won’t stoop that low for money,” Yoongi pause and tacks on thoughtlessly, “I rather not be a borderline prostitute.”

Jimin sniffs. He’s probably mad. “Fine. Call me what you will. Call me some stupid, worthless, good for nothing whore who gives out his ass too anyone who looks at him for more than two seconds, but, whatever you do, don’t call me your friend!” Jimin stomps out of the class. He’s definitely mad alright.

Jimin stomps back in,” Also, there’s no way you can stoop down any further because you’re so short already!” Jimin stomps away again.

Well that part was just uncalled for.

Yoongi slouches in his seat as the homeroom teacher glares at him.

“If that spectacle is over with, I would like for everyone to return their attention to the board please. Also, Yoongi, I would like you to inform Jimin that the two of you will be serving detention today after school.”

“That sounds great and all teacher person, but We’re clearly not on speaking terms at the moment. So, can you ask someone else to do it?” Yoongi rather not go down that rabbit hole with Jimin today. Getting chewed out for the first sentence he spoke today was already mentally exhausting. He’s going to need a power nap when gets home today, he can feel it in his bones.

The teacher clucks at him threateningly, “It wasn’t up for debate. Besides, the two of you have a reputation for breaking up by first period and reuniting by lunch, so I suggest you see to it.”

“Well that doesn’t sound healthy,” Yoongi replies flippantly, already writing down, ‘make up with Jimin at lunch’ on his daily planner. Followed by, ‘learn homeroom teacher person’s name.’

But teacher person is right. Yoongi has known Jimin since they were in diapers. Their whole shtick revolves around their touch and go friendship jammed pack with emotionally unstable outburst that end with forgiveness or at very least, a compromise. Honestly, the whole thing was kinda draining, but looking for friends was harder than you think.

So, naturally, the best course of action is to just deal with what you got. And Yoongi got a friend that wants to convert him into the sugar baby lifestyle. Why couldn’t Jimin just be a more normal bad influence? Like a drug dealer. Being pressured into a gang sounds easier than pleasing older gents.

When the bell finally rang, Yoongi slipped away with only one more pointed reminder about detention and trailed down the hall.

Speaking of having a hard time looking for friends, a boy was putting up a missing person poster on Yoongi’s locker.

“Are you planning to pay me for taking up ad space on my locker?” It was a half joke. Yoongi didn’t want to be a sugar baby, but he really was desperate for money. And this boy definitely looked like he had money, seriously, who wears that much Gucci at once? Is it possible for Gucci to clash with Gucci? Because this boy has accomplished it.

Startled, the boy jumped part way to the moon. A very small part way, but part way nonetheless. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realize there were people who actually use their lockers.” The boy pulled out a thick wallet out of his back pocket, his eyebrows crinkled in concentration before pulling out a colorful card. “Sorry, I don’t keep paper money on me, I only have a couple of credit cards, but this should work, right?”

The kid hands Yoongi a buy one get one card for frozen yogurt. Yoongi stuffs it in his back pocket without a second thought. “Why the fuck would you need credit cards plural?”

The kid blinks owlishly at him. “Isn’t that normal? Don’t credit cards get lonely if there’s only one? My mom gets me a new one every month.”

“I guess I never thought about my credit card getting lonely, because I don’t have one.” And I’m not insane Yoongi leaves out.

“Oh,” gucchi kid mutters. “Sorry to hear that.”

“Me too.” Why is this still happening, Yoongi wonders. What started this again?

“So, my friend is missing.”

Oh, yeah… that. God, maybe he should just carry his textbooks the rest of the day.

“That’s a bummer.”

“Yeah, it is, so, could you like, maybe tell me if you see him?” The boy is looking at him strangely, like he’s expecting something from Yoongi.

This has to be the most awkward conversation he’s ever had. “Sure, but who even are you?”

“My name is-“ the sound of the tardy bell drowns out the boy’s name.

“What did you say?” Yoongi asked when the bell stops, but Gucci kid was already walking away. Yoongi squints his eyes in disbelief, what kind of movie cliché bullshit was that?

Defeated, Yoongi trudges to class with all of his stupid textbooks still shoved into his bag. The missing flyer poster on his locker conveniently forgotten.



At lunch, Yoongi sat across from Jimin, who was making a show of not looking at him. Jimin always caves a little when he get caught in Yoongi’s gaze. The tricky part is getting Jimin to actually face him.

“Are you still mad at me?” Yoongi questions, already knowing the answer but decides he’s going to have to start somewhere if he wants someone to go with him to the frozen yogurt place after school.

“I don’t know, am I?” Jimin huffs, angling his body away from Yoongi. “Should you even be talking to someone who you think is such a slut?”

Yoongi swivels his head to the left. “That’s not what I said.”

Jimin counters it by swiveling his body to the right. “That’s definitely what it sounded like.”

Yoongi pushes himself halfway across the table. “You’re right, the last part was uncalled for and I’m sorry.”

Jimin turns around to face the fucking wall. “You said that last time. How do I know you really mean it? You won’t even consider making an account, don’t you trust me at all?”

Yoongi gets out of his spot and moves to stand in front of Jimin. “You’re my best friend. Of course I trust you, but how am I supposed to trust random strangers on the internet who are into high school kids looking for a quick buck.”

Jimin drops to the fricking floor, clearly just being a sulky baby who doesn’t want too loose. “You’re not supposed to tell them you’re a high schooler. And it just, it makes me feel like you don’t care about what I’m into and don’t believe I have your best interest in mind. I mean, have I ever really gotten you hurt before?”

Yoongi gets on all fours and grabs Jimin’s head. He finally has Jimin’s eyes on him, but still feels very much like he’s lost when he says,” If it really means that much to you, I’ll make that stupid profile on your stupid sugar baby dating app.”

Jimin squeals and gives him a hug. And by a hug, Yoongi means that Jimin wraps his arms around his torso and squeezes the remaining life out of him. “You’re not going to regret this Yoongi!”

Yoongi, desperately in need of a compromise, comes up with,” don’t expect me to actually get any replies. This is me just giving in because we have detention together after school.”

Unfazed, Jimin smiles at him, his eyes crinkle into little crescent moons. (Has Yoongi mentioned that he really can’t stand how stupidly cute his best friend is?) “That’s perfect! We can set up your account while we’re in detention. Besides, with today’s power of photoshop, there’s no way you won’t be getting floored with messages!”


Jimin, still smiling, has the nerve to say,” your butt isn’t exactly sugar baby material. But don’t worry! I know just the trick to up your wow factor.”

Yoongi takes out the paper in his back pocket and rips it in half. Fuck the coupon. They’re going to get frozen yogurt today and Jimin is going to pay every fucking cent.