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Confessions

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Rafael Barba was 45 years old and here he is pining over a detective that was 15 years his junior. Dominick " Sonny" Carisi Jr had been a pain in Rafael's ass since his first day, when he first met the detective, the guy bothered him, he was a kiss ass. Rafael didn't really care for the guy, put up with him just cos he was colleague.

Things started to change over the next couple of months, Rafael had noticed a change in  the detective's appearance and boy did Rafael like it. For one he shaved off that god awful moustache. He can remember when he started developing feelings for Sonny, Sonny had walked in to the precinct, hair soaking wet from the rain outside.

"Morning Counsellor"  He had said, giving him a dazzling smile.

Rafael could just remember thinking at how  good he looked with wet and  Rafael had the sudden urge to run his fingers through the detectives hair and that is when his attraction to Sonny started.

That was over two years, he was still hiding his feelings for the younger detective, a long time ago Rafael made the decision his feelings a secret, Sonny would never feel the same way, Sonny had never mentioned dating men so Rafael assumed he was straight, even he was interested in men Sonny would never go for him.

The squad made jokes, of course they did. Teased Sonny about his " man crush" on Barba,  Rafael laughed it off but every time his chest would seize and his mind would say "God I wish". 

It was really got him down, he tried to get over it. He tried dating other men but he could never commit  cos his mind was always on a certain detective. 

Rafael heard a very interesting conversation one day, he walked into the precinct to hear Amanda and Sonny in deep conversation.

 "Yeah I broke up with him, too clingy"  He heard Sonny say. Rafael stopped in his tracks, Sonny had said him. He was interested in men!.

A little hope in his chest flickered which was ruined by the voice in his head, "He'd never date you". Rafael shook away the thought, he walked into the room, smiled at both detectives. "What you guys talking about?" Rafael asked as if he hadn't been ease dropping in on their conversation.

 " My terrible taste in  blokes" Sonny laughed. " Barba's available, and he isn't so bad" Amanda said, winking at both Sonny and Rafael.  Rafael's face was bright red, he was lost for words. 

Sonny chuckled, " Well, I think we'd made a  very good looking couple don't you Counsellor?" Sonny said, winking at the ADA. Rafael laughed, Sonny had no idea that as he walked out the door, Rafael's heart felt like it was going to come out of his chest.

 

 

Their last case had been a very hard one and a long won but they won it in the end. Fin told the squad, he'd be buying the first round so the squad headed to the bar. "You were incredible Barba, I mean it man" Fin said, shaking his hand. Barba smiled at praise. 

" Oh don't tell him that, his ego will be so big his head won't fit out the door" Amanda joked, "but seriously, good job Counsellor"

 

A few whiskey's later, Rafael was definitely tipsy, no that's a lie, he was drunk, so drunk that  he watched Sonny at the bar, ordering more drinks "He's so fucking gorgeous, he doesn't have to even try" 

The squad looked at him in shock, they knew about the ADA's feelings for the detective and that the feelings were mutual for Sonny. Rafael lay his head on the table. About thirty seconds later, he looked back up at the bar, eyes on the detectives ass.

"I know as an ADA of sex crimes, i shouldn't objectify someone, especially a colleague, but his ass, god its gorgeous isnt?  Rafael looked at the squad, waiting for an answer, Fin, Liv and Amanda were still in shock. 

" Okaaay, that's enough whiskey for you Rafael"  Liv said, taking the drink out his hand.  

The table was silent as Sonny walked over with another round of drinks, "So what are we talking about? He questioned.

"Uh, nothing.."  Amanda said. 

Sonny looked at Liv and Fin both shaking their heads, Sonny looked at Barba who had his head on the table, Sonny looked back at Fin, Liv and Amanda confused. 

When Barba suddenly said "Your ass"  Sonny's eyes went wide, looking at the other members of the squad,  Liv and Fin looked horrified, Amanda on the other hand was grinning from ear to ear, nodding her head.

"We were talking about how much I LOVE your ass Detective, especially in those trousers" Rafael carried on, laying his head back on the table.

Sonny laughed,  " Gee thanks Counsellor, I'm flattered" Sonny said, blushing.

 

 

*The Next Day*

 

 

Barba woke up with a killer headache, how the hell did he get home?, he didn't remember leaving the bar. He slowly got himself from his bed, picked up his phone from the bedside table. 

4 messages from Liv.

1 message from Rollins

1 message from Fin

2 messages from Carisi

Barba looked at his phone, puzzled. He had never had this many messages before, he checked Fin's message first.

Fin

How's the head?

After replying he checked the other messages

Rollins

Wonder if Sonny is wearing those trousers again ;)

Oh dear god, what had he said last night.

Liv

Rafael, did you get home okay? x 

Oh i bet youre sleeping, Night Night Rafa x

How's the head this morning?, Don't worry i've called Carmen to let her know you need LOTS of coffee

We need you for a case

What an angel, Rafael thought. Now to look at what Carisi had sent, why was Rafael so nervous?

Carisi

Do you honestly think i'm gorgeous?

I'm drunk and can't stop thinking about it.

Rafael locked his phone, what the hell had he done?, he was going to lose his job, Sonny would get him fired for sexual harassment. He had better face the music, he put on his suit and tie and then he made his way to the precinct.

 

Rafael avoided the other members of the squad as he made his way in, especially Sonny. Sonny looked at him with a small smile, Rafael ignored him, totally avoiding eye contact with him.

As he walked into Liv's office, he quickly shut the door. 

"What the hell did I say to Sonny?" He asked, worryingly. 

" Good morning to you too Rafa" Liv replied. 

Rafael smiled, nodding his head slightly, as if he was saying sorry. 

Liv sighed, pinching her eyebrows together, "You told him he was gorgeous and that you liked his ass"

Rafael groaned, he sank down onto the sofa, putting his head on the arm. Liv sat next to him, putting her hand on his back.

"So, this is when you and Sonny talk about it, I can't have this getting away of the case. You need to sort this Raf" Liv said. 

With Liv's serious tone, Rafael lifted his head off the arm, nodding his head. 

" Yeah, Yeah I know" Rafael said, his voice  so soft as he said it.

Liv got off the sofa, headed to the door. "I'll send him in, give you a bit of privacy"

Rafael put his hands in his head, then run his fingers through his hair. 

 

"Counsellor?, Lieu said you wanted to talk" Sonny said, practically whispering. Barba looked at him, nodded his head, signalling to the younger detective to sit down. 

Sonny sat down on the sofa, pretty close to Rafael, placing his hands on his legs. They sat in silence for a few moments but Rafael was the first one to speak.

"I'm sorry about what i said, it was very inappropriate, I completely understand if you'd like to make a complaint about me" Rafael said, not looking at the detective, he looked straight ahead. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sonny's hand, edging closer to his. 

"Did you mean it?, when you said I was gorgeous?"  Sonny asked, looking at the older man, desperate for answers.

Rafael looked at him, nodding his head slightly. Sonny smiled at him. He turned his body so he was completely facing Barba, he placed one hand on Barba's hand and the other on his knee. Rafael had no idea what was happening but he did not want to move. He wanted to stay there, with Sonny's hand on his forever.

"You're so fucking hot when you argue in court, you know that?, I've always thought that. When ever I see you in court all I can think of is kissing you right there and then" Sonny said, looking straight into Barba's eyes. 

Barba was completely thrown, but Barba being Barba he responded with a cocky comment, "What about now?, You want to kiss me now Detective?" 

Sonny looked at Barba's lustful eyes, "So fucking much Counsellor"

 

Rafael placed his hands on Sonny's face, kissing him hungrily, Sonny kissed him back very very eagerly. Sonny was the first to break contact. "As much as I'm enjoying this, I don't think it's a good idea to do this in Liv's office" He said, laughing

Rafael smiled, his hands still on Sonny's face. He nodded.

"Maybe we could continue this at my place, tonight?"  Rafael asked, hoping it wasn't too forward. 

Both Sonny and Rafael made their way to the door, with Rafael's back to the door, Sonny backed him against the door and kissed him again. "I can't wait".  Sonny said.

 

 

As both men opened the door, the whole precinct had their eyes on them. Amanda grinning, Fin and Liv looking horrified. Liv raised her eyebrow at Barba, he nodded his head signalling that they had sorted it. 

" Can we please get back to work now?!" Fin said, impatiently.

The rest of the squad laughed. 

Rafael smiled, he had a date with Sonny, how was he meant to concentrate on work now?!