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I'm loving the pain (I never wanna live without it)

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Harry bit his bottom lip as he stares at the figure across the small room, then he looked down at his red wrists remembering what had happened last night, he probably shouldn’t stare at that man.

But Harry’s eyes traveled back up at the figure that was still putting on his clothes, his back facing Harry. 


“Stop starring, faggot, it’s not polite.” Louis spatted, Harry quickly looked back down to his fingers. “Do you want a repeat of last night?!” 


Harry whimpered at that, curling closer to himself, he was sat on his bed with his blanket wrapped around himself. He was half asleep when Louis got ready, it was when he saw Louis undress in front of him that he was fully awake. 


“What's wrong? Can’t talk now? You had such a big mouth last night. What happened to your loud self, huh?!” Louis smirked, cupping Harry’s cheeks with his palms, his fingers digging into his cheeks. 


Harry squirmed, holding onto Louis’ wrist; trying to push Louis’ hands off of him- it was nearly impossible for Harry to push him away even though he was bigger than Louis, the shorter man was somehow stronger. 


“Let go!” Harry muffled, still trying to push him away. 


“Or what?” Louis chuckled, evilly. “Your gonna tell your little boyfriend and make him defend your ass?I’d like to see him try.” 


That’s when Louis let go, Harry didn’t said anything, he just glared at Louis and watch him put on his jacket and grab a book from his desk. 


“See you later, fag.” He told Harry before leaving their small dorm. 


Harry stare at the door Louis left shut, sighing. God, there was something about him- everything with Louis was complicated and it always will be.


Sharing a dorm with a homophobic bully was something, having a huge crush on that homophobic bully was something else. 


It was unfair to Harry, he should have feelings for someone who actually care about him- like his boyfriend. It was also unfair to his boyfriend, Niall, he was so sweet and kind he deserves so much better than Harry who doesn’t even have mutual feelings for him.


The only reason Harry was still seeing him was because they had been friends since the first day of uni and Harry didn’t want to lose him, he was scared he will lose Niall if they break up. Besides, it was nice to know he’s always there when Harry needs a cuddle or a kiss or even a cock inside him. So, it’s not like there’s something wrong about seeing Niall. 


After awhile, Harry finally decided to leave his bed and get ready for his first class today. His first class doesn’t start till eleven today, If it wasn’t for Louis being loud this morning, Harry would’ve still be asleep. 


Harry did had trouble sleeping after what happened last night, it was awful to remember but somehow it made Harry’s cock twitch when he thinks about it- Niall had just left their dorm when Louis told Harry the next time he wants to “gay out” do not do it in their room, and all Niall and Harry did was study!


So of course Harry had to defend himself and told him they weren’t doing anything and even if they were Louis shouldn’t be uncomfortable with it, Louis snuck in girls all the time and Harry never said a word!


That’s when Louis took both of Harry’s wrists, clenching on them so tight and before Harry knew it he felt a punch on his right arm, then again on his left.


Louis didn’t hesitate to threw Harry into his own bed, making Harry squirm inside his blanket like a scared little boy. 


It wasn’t the first time that Louis would threw punches at Harry, hell, it was too often sometimes Harry didn’t understand why he was still alive.


Liking Louis is wrong in every way, and there’s no way Louis would ever like him back. Louis was straight and for some reason hated Harry’s guts.



“Who’s that girl with Louis?” Harry asked from across the hallway, squinting his eyes to get a better view of the girl’s back and Louis’ hands wrapped around her waist. 


Sarah, one of Harry’s closest friend, followed Harry’s gaze and laughed at the pair. “Oh God, you’re jealous of her-“


“I’m not! Why would I?” Harry cuts her off, turning to face her as they continued to walk down the hallway. “I just don’t want to be surprised when I see her in our dorm tonight.” 


Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Harry, stop denying it- we all know you like him, which, I think is stupid but we know! Okay?” She always said everyone can see Harry’s heart eyes for Louis but Harry will never admit it to anyone. “Leave him to it, babe, he’ll never drop a girl for you- no offense.” 


“Ew, cut it out- I have Niall and he’s an ass.” Harry lowered his voice as they walk past Louis and the girl.


Louis was too busy with the girl, he didn’t notice Harry passed him. Thank goodness. 


“Love,” Sarah linked her arms around Harry’s. “You’re worth better than him.” 


“I don’t like him!” Harry lied for what seemed to be the hundredth time since he met Sarah. 



Harry had work after his classes, he worked part time at a small cafe nearby campus. There’s at least three other part times who also was students at his university. Most of the students would hang out there as well, Harry thought he gets to know more university people from this cafe than in class. 


He was cleaning table number three that was at the outdoor part of the cafe when someone dropped their pack of cigarettes on the table, Harry looked up about to greet the new customer only for his smile to drop from his face when he saw who it was. 


Shit, he looks good with his messy hair due to the wind, a cigarette between his lips and his coat wrapped safely around himself. While Harry was standing here looking like a complete mess who needs at least ten hours of beauty sleep. 


“You should’ve told me you’re working today.” He said as he sat down while Harry continued to clean the table. “I could’ve fuck Alicia if I knew you were gone.” 


Harry didn’t said anything to that, instead he just took out his little notebook and pencil and asked. “And what will you be having?” 


“The usual.” Harry hates the fact that he knew Louis’ usual by heart, and it’s not because he came here often, Louis didn’t come here often anyways. 


Harry would purposely mess up his order but knowing Louis he would make a fuss and Harry would lose the title of being the best waitress for never screwing up people’s orders.


“And for you?” Harry turned to Louis to see him looking up at someone who was just walking towards their way. 


Great, another girl- and it’s definitely not one from earlier.


“And this must be Alicia?” Harry asked trying to be nice only to watch the woman’s jaw dropped in shock. 


Harry didn’t know what he did wrong!


“Do you take Alicia here often?!” She asked, she sounds offended and Louis exhaled loudly, glaring at Harry before turning back to the girl. 


Harry wanted to smirk in success. It was obvious this girl was jealous of whoever Alicia is. 


“No, we were just talking about her!” 


“Why were you talking about her?!” 


“Uh- Harry and Alicia both major in accounting.” 


Harry snorted. “I major in arts.” 


The girl glances between Harry and Louis. Louis wanted to punch Harry for not playing along, this girl doesn’t need to know what Harry majors in! 


But then she scoffed. “And Alicia majors in English lit! You’re lying!” 


Looks like someone won’t get laid tonight. 


“I’m sorry I hate to interrupt but is there anything you want?” Harry gave her a sarcastic smile, she turned back to Harry and shakes her head. 


The two boys watch as she stood up and walk away without another word. 


Louis glared at Harry who has a satisfying smile plastered on his face. 


“I hope you’re happy.” Louis mumbled but it was clear enough for Harry to hear. 


And boy, was he happy.


“Trust me, I am.” Harry turned on his heel, walking inside the cafe to place Louis’ order but also to celebrate his success on making a girl walk away from Louis.