Teddy was a sensible person. He was reliable. He didn’t take advantage of people and he definitely didn’t shag men who were too young to know when to say no.
He also liked control. He needed it. He depended on it. He was a man who was rarely not in control.
The problem was James Sirius Potter.
James had always been the problem. Teddy didn’t let himself look at him; he didn’t let himself think about him. He definitely didn’t let himself be alone with him.
But Harry liked it when all the family was together. You too, he said to Teddy often. You are my son, too. Teddy always grimaced. Please don’t say that. He loved Harry, but he didn’t want to be his son. He didn’t want to be James’ brother.
The tension between them had started early, probably too early, but it had always been something unsaid. As a child, James had followed him around. He’d idolized him. Teddy had liked it. James was likeable. He was funny. He liked people, and people liked him.
Teddy had always thought of himself as one of many who liked having James around. He never thought he was special to James, that James would ever develop feelings for him. That all changed when James was sixteen.
The day had been wet. Teddy was at the Potters’ but everyone was stuck inside. He sat by the window alone, like he liked it. He traced the raindrops on the glass. Sometimes he found the Potters overwhelming; sometimes, when all the children were yelling and Harry and Gin were debating, he sighed and wished he was with Andromeda instead.
“Hiya.” James grinned down at him.
Teddy faked an eye roll. “What the hell do you want?”
“Oh, sorry, am I bothering you? I don’t want to ruin all your deep thinking.”
“You wouldn’t know anything about deep thinking.”
James’ grin didn’t break. “I know some.”
“I wish it wasn’t raining.”
James sighed. “Me too. I wanted to show you some of the new tricks I learned.”
“I don’t know why you insist on me watching you ride your broom; I was never into Quidditch.”
There was a moment of silence. James looked away, and suddenly he radiated nervousness. “Will you come up to my room? I want to show you something.”
Teddy’s stomach twisted, which usually meant he shouldn’t do it. He gazed up at James’ slightly averted face, not understanding his nervousness.
“I shouldn’t,” he said quietly.
“It’ll only be a moment.”
“I know, but I want to be here if your dad looks for me.”
“He’s playing chess with Uncle Ron. He doesn’t care if you go up to my room.”
It’s wrong, Teddy wanted to say.
James now looked at him again, pleading. “Please. Just for a sec.”
Teddy opened and closed his mouth. He stood up. “Just for a second.”
They went up to his room, not speaking. There it was again. The tension. Teddy didn’t know if he was making it all up. James made him feel so many things.
James closed the door and sat down on his bed. Teddy hesitated, not sure how far into the room he should go.
“Will you sit down next to me?” James looked up at him hopefully.
Not trusting the situation one bit, he sat down on the unmade bed. James scooted just a little closer.
“Teddy,” he said, and his voice sounded too much like a whisper.
“Come on. You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”
“I don’t need to know.”
“It’s not bad.”
“Of course it’s bad.”
James tilted his head. “You worry too much, you know that?”
“I’m the adult in this situation. I have to act like it.”
James frowned. “I’m not a kid anymore.”
This made Teddy laugh. He laughed so much that his stomach started to hurt. When he looked up, James’ frown had deepened.
“I know what I want, Ted.”
Ted. The only person to ever call him that was Harry, and it wasn’t very frequent.
“Stop mimicking your dad.”
“Is that why you’re acting so weird? Because of my dad?”
“I’m not acting weird.”
James sighed and flopped back on his bed. He was muscular and sinewy and painfully young. Teddy moved away a little.
“Stop doing that.”
James groaned. “You know what.”
He tried to stand but James bolted upright and grabbed his hand.
“Let go of me.” He tried to shake off his hold.
“Jamie, why am I here? Why did you want me to come up here?”
Not releasing his hand, James stood up and guided Teddy back on the bed. Teddy sat down, watching him, not sure what to do.
James towered over him. He had grown so much over the past couple of years. Teddy stared into his pretty hazel eyes and waited.
“Teddy,” he whispered.
“Let go of my hand.” Panic rose in him. He tried to twist out of James’ grasp, but James just held on tighter. “This is wrong.”
“No, it’s not.”
“You’re going to regret this.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Jamie,” he said in warning.
James leaned down and kissed him. He froze, slow to understand. James was kissing him. A sixteen year old boy was kissing him. He felt how much it scared James to do so; the poor lad trembled from head to toe.
Very gently, Teddy pushed him away. He finally wrangled his hand back and stood. James swerved toward him, breathing hard.
“I thought you felt the same way,” James whispered.
“I don’t.” Teddy wouldn’t meet his hurt gaze.
“But I feel it. I . . . know it.”
“You are wrong.”
There was a long, painful silence. Teddy was afraid James would cry, but when he glanced at him, he found him dry-eyed and determined.
“You’re a stupid coward.”
“No, you are! You know that I want you. You know that I fancy you. And you - you know that you fancy me.”
“I don’t fancy you.”
“No? Then why do you refuse to touch me? Why do you refuse to be alone with me? I know you stare at me when you think no one is paying attention. I might be only sixteen, but I’m old enough to know what all that means.”
“What do you want from me?” Teddy was tired.
“I want you to be honest with me! I want you to be honest with yourself!”
Teddy moved away from him. He wanted to go to the door, but instead he headed for the window. Puddles dotted the garden, dark and muddy. He caught sight of a bit of his reflection in the glass and his cheeks were flushed. Merlin.
“I refuse to take advantage of you. You are too young to know what’s good for you.”
“You are so frustrating!” James came closer, his chest moving up and down. “Is it my age then? You won’t touch me because I’m too young?”
Teddy closed his eyes briefly. “Yes.”
“Then what about when I’m eighteen? Would you be with me then?”
Teddy turned around. He eyed James for a moment. “What exactly does ‘being with you’ mean?”
James raised his chin. He was blushing, but he didn’t look away. “I want you to be my first.”
“You heard me.”
Teddy jerked toward him. “What?”
“I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”
“Stop being ridiculous.”
“No, it’s true. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.” He looked at Teddy so earnestly that Teddy almost believed it.
Teddy laughed again. He couldn’t help it. “One day you’ll look back at this conversation and be mortified that you said such a thing to me.” He tried to move past James, but he grabbed his arm.
“You don’t get it,” James said quietly.
“No, you don’t get it. That’s why it’s wrong.” He pulled away and headed for the door. James didn’t try to hang on.
“What about when I’m older? Will you . . . want me then?”
Teddy gulped. He put his hand on the doorknob. “I can’t promise anything.”
“If I’m eighteen and still a virgin, will you have me then?”
“That’s not going to happen. You will find someone your age. You will forget about me.”
“But what if it does happen? Will you be my first then?”
Teddy shook his head and opened the door. He glanced at James. “That’s never going to happen, but sure, if somehow you turn eighteen and you’re still a virgin, then I’ll be your first.”
James’ eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Sure,” Teddy said, and gave one last laugh. He went back downstairs to watch Harry and Ron’s chess game. The moment he was away from James, he breathed easier.
Harry had managed to cook a roast, which he was very proud of, and Teddy showered him in compliments throughout dinner. Harry beamed and asked if the potatoes had enough salt.
The children were back from Hogwarts and James was between commitments for his professional Quidditch team. Teddy made sure to sit down the table from him.
“Do you really have a telly?” Lily asked him.
He smiled at her. “Yes. You’d be amazed at how dramatic Muggles can be.”
“I can imagine! My friend Georgie has a telly. We watched it together last summer. Muggles like to murder each other and then pretend they could get away with anything.”
“Wizards like to do that, too.”
“Wizards and witches.”
“Yes, and witches.” He winked at her.
“I miss telly,” Harry said from the other end of the table.
Teddy glanced up at the ceiling. “You should get one. I’m sure they could fix it so that magic won’t interfere with it too much.”
“Nope. Tried it twenty years ago. Didn’t work.”
“A lot has changed since then.”
“Christ,” Harry muttered, and cut into his roast. “Time flies.”
Teddy focused on his own plate for a moment. He looked up and found James staring at him. Teddy couldn’t drag his eyes away. James looked confident; he looked like he could eat Teddy alive.
“Give us an update, Jamie,” Gin said. “I’ve heard enough in the office, but I waited to give the full details to the rest of the family.”
James tore his eyes away from Teddy. He pushed his food around on his plate. “There’s not much to update. I was promoted to starter, but you lot already know that.”
“Will you stay a starter?” Harry asked.
Teddy cut into his meat slowly. He had only gone to one of James’ professional games, and it was damn near torture to see his beautiful face, his perfect body, on the big screen, projected to thousands of people.
“How’s your exciting Auror career, Ted?” James called down the table.
Teddy shrugged. “Not that exciting.”
“Oh, come on. Tell us the dirty details.”
“Jamie,” Harry said in warning.
“What? I just want an update.”
Teddy sat back in his chair and wiped his mouth. “It’s good. I’m making a difference in my community, which is important. It’s also important not to think it’s up to me to fix everything.”
Harry whistled. “Don’t I know that feeling.”
After dinner, the family moved up to the lounge. Lily and Al flopped down in front of the wireless and listened to the nightly news.
“Don’t you want to put on a comedy program?” Teddy asked from a chair near the fire.
“Nope,” Al said.
James hovered a few steps away. He was watching Teddy.
Harry looked from James to him, then caught Gin’s eye. “Care for a game of chess in my study, darling?”
She nodded and headed for the door.
“There’s beer in the fridge,” Harry said to them before following.
Once they were gone, James inched closer. He kicked Teddy’s boot with his toe. “Come up to my room?”
“Why?” Teddy said lowly.
“You know why.”
“Still? We haven’t seen each other in ages.”
James stared down at him. “Remember what you promised me.”
Teddy’s mouth fell open. “You’re lying.”
“No. Come up to my room.”
Laughing uncomfortably, Teddy stood. They went up to his bedroom, which hadn’t changed even though James no longer lived with his parents.
“I’m surprised they haven’t turned this into a guest room.”
“Me too.” James locked the door and stalked closer. “I’ve been waiting. Dying, really.”
“No way,” he said faintly.
“It’s true.” James hooked his finger in Teddy’s belt loop. “I told you I wanted you to be my first. I’ve waited for you.”
Teddy trembled. “But - you’re a famous Quidditch star now. You’re you.”
“Yes, but I’m still the same boy who’s been in love with you since I was thirteen.”
“Please,” James whispered.
He placed his warm hands on Teddy’s chest and leaned in, his mouth a mere whisper away. “Please.”
Teddy kissed him. He didn’t even make the choice. James moaned deeply and threw his arms around Teddy.
For a moment, Teddy was shocked, his brain slow to catch up. When he felt James’ tongue swipe along his lips, asking for permission, he finally broke completely and kissed him deeper.
The kiss turned hard, desperate. Teddy buried his hands in James’ shirt, twisting, angry at both of them. He’d never wanted this to happen. It was wrong.
“Please,” James whispered again, knowing now exactly what to say to break down Teddy’s defenses.
“Shut up,” Teddy said roughly. He dropped to his knees and tore at James’ jeans. There was no way he was a virgin. There was no way this fit young lad hadn’t known a mouth on his cock.
Teddy took out his cock, stroking it, staring and staring.
James’ knees shook. “Oh, shit.”
“Don’t talk.” Teddy sucked him into his mouth, deep, moving his head up and down quickly. James cried out and stumbled back. Teddy followed, his knees starting to ache on the hard floor.
“I’m going - I can’t -”
Not believing him, Teddy took him back into his mouth. He sucked harder, deeper. James convulsed, crying loudly, and flooded his mouth with warm come.
Teddy swallowed it all, but he was confused. Surely, James had been joking?
He stood and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. James’ chest heaved, his face flushed red.
“I’m so embarrassed,” James moaned.
“Don’t be . . . I just didn’t expect it.”
James hid his face. “I told you I wasn’t experienced.”
“Oh, Merlin,” Teddy said, and pulled him into his arms. He kissed his cheek tenderly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand. I’ve mucked it all up.”
“That was brilliant,” James breathed.
Teddy moved back to survey his face. “Really? It wasn’t too much for you?”
James laughed and whispered in his ear, “I want you to suck my cock again . . . and again.”
Shivering, he whispered back, “What about your arse?”
James tipped his head back, his eyes fluttering. “Fuck.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Say it again.”
He dragged his hands over James’ bum, squeezing. It was such a nice bum. “I want your arse.”
“For how long?” James stared into his eyes, challenging him.
Teddy looked back without flinching. “You know for how long. Now take off your clothes and get on the bed.”
“I knew you’d be toppy,” James said with a cocky grin. He flung off his clothes without hesitation and then crawled onto his bed, his thighs wide and ready.
Teddy, taking a deep breath and trying not to think about the rest of the family just downstairs, cast a Silencing Spell and took off his own clothes. He paused at his pants, suddenly nervous about James seeing his cock.
“Come on,” James said. “I want to see you.”
Teddy slid his pants off and kneeled on the bed. He reached for James, but James surged forward to touch him first. His hands moved over his chest, over his perked nipples, then down, down. He wrapped his hand around his cock, weighing him, feeling him. The expression on his face was almost surprised, like it shocked him to see Teddy starkers.
Teddy let his hands rest at his sides. He knew he was blushing but he didn’t try to cover himself up.
“Like what you see?”
James looked up at him, open-mouthed. “I can’t believe it’s finally happening.” He leaned forward to taste him, but Teddy blocked him.
“No, I want to last for you.” He urged him onto his back. He kissed his shoulders, his neck. He kissed down to his belly and tasted the hair there. It was mad, utterly mad. “You’re impossibly fit.”
“Just because of my work.”
“You must’ve had to fight blokes off you.”
“The fans can get quite handsy.”
Teddy ran a gentle finger up his straining cock. It was flushed nicely, a good size. It was mouth-watering. “You could’ve had anyone, but you waited for me.”
“I’ve already told you: You are the only one.”
“Oh, Jamie.” His voice broke with emotion.
“I like it when I make you sound like that. Is it because you want me so much?”
“Yes, yes.” Teddy sat back on his heels. He ran his hands over James’ strong thighs, nervous, trembling. He was now having a hard time meeting his eye.
“You don’t have to be nervous. I’m not.”
“Only a little.”
“Get on your front so I can prepare you.”
James bit his lip. “But I want to see you.”
Hesitating, James turned over. Teddy had to take a deep breath before parting his cheeks. His hole was so tight.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t care. I want it.”
“But - you need to be ready.”
James looked over his shoulder at him. “Teddy, stop thinking so much. I want you to fuck me, so just do it.”
“Okay.” He squeezed his wonderful arse. Merlin. “Okay.”
He dipped down to taste his hole. James gasped and widened his thighs more. Encouraged, Teddy licked him using his flat tongue, drooling. He licked and licked, moaning as he felt James opening.
“Yes, yes! I want you inside me.”
He sat back again and pawed for his wand. He Conjured lots of lube before pressing a gentle finger into James.
He moved his finger. “Is this okay?” His voice was weak, breathless.
“Yeah, but I want another one.”
“You’re too tight. I’ll hurt you.”
“I’ve fingered myself before. Trust me.”
Exhaling loudly, he added a second finger. He wished he could see James’ face; he wanted to see the pain. He moved slowly, watching his back for tension. James rocked into him, moaning.
“Another one,” James whispered.
Teddy wanted to tell him to slow down, to wait for his arse to loosen up more, but he ached with need, too. He added a third, and this time he felt a tremor of pain go through James.
“I’m hurting you.”
“It’s okay.” James said this through gritted teeth.
“It’s not,” Teddy said, but he sped up his fingers, twisting, curling, wanting to hit his prostate.
“Fuck me. Oh, Merlin, fuck me.”
Teddy withdrew and slicked up his cock; then he was pushing into James, almost painfully slow. He’d promised James to do it the other way, but he was too desperate to pull out.
When he bottomed out, he paused and tightened his grip on James’ hips. “All right?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Yeah - Merlin, yeah.”
Good, Teddy thought, and began to move. James felt so damn good, warm and slick. He thrust quicker, feeling James opening to him, and he dug his fingers into his hips to steady himself.
“Ted,” James moaned, his face buried in his arms.
“Again,” he panted.
“Ted. Oh, Teddy.”
Stupidly, he thought, I love you, and sped up his thrusting. His bollocks were tight, so fucking tight. He was going to come soon, too soon.
“Fuck,” Teddy said, his voice high.
“Come inside me.”
“Please - I want to feel it.” James pushed back, gasping. “I want to feel you fill me up.”
Teddy slumped forward to take James into his hand, stroking him in time with his thrusts. James cried out and squeezed around his cock.
“Are you close?” Teddy whispered.
“Good.” Teddy’s thrusts lost rhythm; he pressed his mouth to James’ slick back and came hard, his eyesight going black.
James cried out again and spilled over his stroking fist.
A little later, they lay together in James’ sheets, limbs intertwined. Teddy played with some of James’ unruly hair and breathed in the scent of his neck.
James kissed the side of his jaw. “Thank you.”
“Why? It’s the truth.”
Teddy thought for a moment. “I’m glad it was good for you.” He framed James’ face and kissed him deeply.
“I want us to date,” James said once they moved apart.
“You don’t care if your dad knows about us?”
“Why would I care? You’re the one who thinks it’s a problem!”
“It doesn’t have to be a problem,” Teddy said slowly, his heart pounding.
James blinked at him. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Teddy ignored the fear churning inside him. “You’re not the only one who’s been waiting.”
“Oh, Ted.” James peppered kisses over his face. “I’m so glad you were my first.”
Teddy smiled. “Me too.”