The first time Amanda falls asleep at Olivia’s is a Friday night. Jesse and Noah had played happily together on the floor, surrounded by a wealth of love and toys. The two detectives, off duty for once, no phones ringing or emergencies to be had, enjoyed a glass of wine together and had talked idly about everything and nothing in the soft lights that Olivia had furnished her apartment with.
Amanda had fallen asleep; her past few nights with Jesse having been rough, and before she knew it her head had lolled onto the back of the sofa.
Olivia smiled at her friend. Yes, Amanda was her friend, not just a colleague. Trust; hard fought for, time and time again. She put the kids to bed. Noah and Jesse both fit well enough in Noah’s crib, maybe a little snug, but for one night it would be quite safe and comfortable. They went down with not much fuss, and Olivia spent some time telling them both a little story, stroking their hair and kissed both on the cheek before she exited Noah’s room.
Amanda hadn’t moved, but Olivia could see neck pain waiting to happen. She sighed, soft in the soft light, and brushed her hair behind her ears, before moving to stand beside Amanda.
Olivia knelt, and gently lifted her detective’s legs up onto the sofa too. Amanda doesn’t wake up, and instead murmurs contentment when Olivia drapes a quilt over her. She stops herself from instinctively reaching out to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind a pale ear, and goes to bed.
“I’m so sorry,” she’d bluntly told Olivia in the morning, and then she hadn’t mentioned it again as she’d tried not to be too obvious about rushing out that morning.
Olivia smiles and shakes her head and tells Amanda it doesn’t matter. And they get on with their day.
It was a rough one.
A rough week.
And Amanda’s sister didn’t help anything.
Olivia could see the strain behind Rollins's eyes, could see her smiles getting more feral. She touched the younger woman’s elbow in the quiet after the dust settled and the case was closed.
“Wine,” the blonde nodded.
And Amanda ended up curled up on her sofa once more.
This time Liv did tuck Amanda’s hair behind her ear.
“Does your bed have teeth or something, Rollins?”
This time Rollins had turned up at her door well after the sun had gone down. Liv could smell the liquor rolling off of the younger woman.
Rollins swayed and smiled, that slanted southern smirk that Liv found so engaging - not that she really thought about it.
“Kimberly is driving me up the wall, she’s staying the weekend - your couch free?” The blonde drawls, leaning into the doorway.
Liv doesn’t know what makes her stand her ground, and allow Rollins to lean in close. She can smell the bourbon, but she can also smell Amanda’s perfume and sweat.
Her throat was suddenly dry, and in her shock, Liv let Rollins in with no comment.
What was that ?
And she makes herself the consummate professional who will not be having any kind of sexual feelings for her coworker.
Rollins trips on her feet and falls into Liv, because of course that’s what happens to herself. She doesn’t let her hands linger like she normally would, doesn’t do anything that in her book means intimate.
“Why you so stone cold, Liv?” Rollins murmurs as she rights herself, not looking at her savior.
Olivia checks on Noah and returns to observe the lightly snoring blonde from the door of her bedroom. She catches herself examining the way she’s looked at her colleague previously.
Okay so Amanda is attractive. She sighs and shakes her head, and retreats to her bed.
She absolutely does not have vivid yet unfocused dreams about blonde hair and blue eyes.
In fact she was going to prove to herself that everything was fine.
“Just get in here.” Olivia sighs and rolls her eyes from her bedroom door.
Rollins eyed her with that deer in the headlights look she did so very well before scuttling after her boss.
“You may as well sleep in my bed or you will get a sore back sooner or late,” Olivia stated, eye raised, handing the blonde some pyjamas.
They’d woken up tangled together, Olivia’s arm draped over Amanda’s warm belly where her shirt had ridden up.
They didn’t talk about that either.
Benson purses her lips when she thinks about it.
That bastard Duca had put Noah and Jesse in the limelight and Amanda had to talk Benson down from flaying him alive.
They’d sent the kids off to Lucy’s parents and okay, drinking had probably not been their brightest idea but they were both exhausted and strung out with anger and Rollins had arrived at Livs door with a bottle of whisky and that feral smile she had when she was stressed.
And now they were half the bottle down, sitting on the couch, and Rollins's shirt was unbuttoned at the top to the point where shadows and the alcohol were playing havoc on Liv’s ability to concentrate.
“My eyes are up here, lieutenant…”
Olivia’s eyes jump up to meet a slyly smirking Amanda’s and she holds eye contact tensely for a few seconds longer than appropriate.
“Oh hell,” Liv mutters.
What’s appropriate anyway?
Liv surges forward and the way Amanda’s breath hitches before she kisses her is forever going to be carved on Liv’s soul. Something inside blooms as Liv just… lets go. And she pushes Rollins down on the couch, settles between eagerly parted legs and lets her weight rest on the younger woman.
She knows she shouldn’t be doing this.
It’s wrong - they are colleagues - they have a power dynamic - and Olivia knows Amanda has had a problem here before. She pulled back, breathlessly asking for consent - for some confirmation that this was okay.
Benson might have been the boss but she still needed guidance sometimes.
Amanda practically growled and hooks an arm behind Livs neck to pull her down again.
“Touch me, stop thinking ” she breathes, hot breath playing across Liv’s already overheated skin and Liv is a pleaser. She finds her way under Amanda’s shirt and into her panties - neither taking the time to undress - and Amanda keens when Liv’s fingers slip deep inside her.
And it’s not long - Benson attends to Amanda fiercely, pulling her shirt down so her lips and teeth and tongue can attack the blonde’s shoulders and chest - some part of her reminding her of visible hickeys. And she fucks Amanda into the couch, the frame creaking, savouring the erratic breathing and powerful legs tensing and - Amanda comes against her hand, groaning and swearing and looking utterly dishevelled, her nails digging into the small of Liv’s back where she’s pulled her shirt up. .
Liv sits up whilst Amanda licks her lips, very much the cat that got the cream, and Liv has an attack of ethics for a moment before Amanda touches Liv’s chin, and pulls her around to face her.
It takes a moment for Liv to look at Amanda.
“Hey,” the blonde prompts, “It’s okay.”
Olivia feels a hell of a lot more sober than she did a moment before, and she meets Amanda’s gaze.
“It’s okay…” Amanda swallows and Olivia can’t help her eyes darting to Amanda’s throat.
“I uh-” Liv trails off.
“You did nothing i didn’t want, and i want to return the favor,” Amanda intones gently, moving closer to the brunette until their legs are pressed together. She cups Olivia’s cheeks, not giving her the room to look away. “This doesn’t have to go any further, and it doesn’t have to go anywhere after tonight.”
Olivia looks at Amanda, and hell - right now she’s a goner and it’s been so long since she’s had a body pressed against hers.
And it’s Rollins, she trusts her.
She drags Amanda into her bedroom.