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Roach and the CheeZe Wheel

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Roach shuffled along the barren street, he kicked up dirt and hummed softly, his throat ached and he’d kill for a water bottle.

Or a slushee.

A nice cold, green apple slush puppy sounded great right about now he thought as he wiped the sweat out of his eyes. The sun was beating down on his back through the trees in a way that reminds him of life pre-z, reminds him of summer school and working in his granddaddy’s garden... Damn... he missed his granddaddy. But he was glad he died long before the Zs. Then again that old bastard could probably rack up a kill count to rival the great flood.

Speaking of floods when was it gonna rain? Roach hadn’t seen rain in freakin months! Maybe the apocalypse changed the weather... maybe the weather changed pre-z. Either way he missed rain a lot. His ma ‘n him used ta dance in the rain together during the summer and durin’ the fall she’s make hot coco and they’d watch the rain together... they’d have raindrop races. Damn he missed his ma too...

Wait...

What was he thinking about again? He was supposed to be thinking about something.

He paused his trek to retrace his train of thought. It had seriously been too long since he’s had any form of medication so he was really struggling with keeping his mind in one place...

Roach took a deep breath, turning his eyes up to the sky as he rethought of everything, he was so lost in thought that he barely heard it. He didn’t know what the hell it was until he turned around.

“What the... WHAT THE FLYIN’ FRICK?!” Roach screamed, stepping backwards so quickly he fell flat in his ass. He was fucking hallucinating was all he could think as a giant, zombie covered, wheel of cheese rolled down the street just barely missing him.

Roach watched it in awe for many seconds before standing up so suddenly his vision blurred to chase after it.

‘Why not?’ Roach thought to himself, ‘I’m gonna die of dehydration anyways. Why not see where that cheese wheel is rolling to!’

It took him a while to catch up with it, but when he did he watched the cheese roll right off a bridge into the creek flowing under it.

“FUCKIN’! DAMN!” Roach hollered, bolting over the edge. He lands with a solid thud on his feet, his eyes wide in wonder as he takes in the sight in front of him.

“Damn... zombie-cheese...” he cut himself off, cackling, “ZOMBIE-CHEESE!! That’s gross.”

Roach made his way over to the growling dairy, a bit surprised at how many zombies were still alive.

“Is that a cow?!?” Roach nearly fell over trying to pull out his face mask and a can of spray paint, he only had three left so he had to make them count, and tagging a cheese wheel that was full of zombies (and one cow?) that sounded great!!

“Okay so what color do y’all want?” He should mercy these guys, especially the cow,- it looked a lot like his granddaddy’s cow, Elenor-, but... he hadn’t talked to a living anything in so long... he almost rarely saw zombies anymore for some reason... he was lonely... and zombies were the living dead so it was the closest he was gonna get to.... a person...

Roach shakes his head to clear out the bad thoughts. He wasn’t that lonely. He wasn’t.

“So, I got.., ‘vegan’ which I ain’t, I got principle- no, ‘pineapple’, and I got ‘purple cow’...” taking another look at the zombiefied cow, Roach nodded, “‘purple cow’ it is.”

Roach held his hands out at arms length, doing the thing that artist do with their hands to square the picture. He stands like that for a long time, pondering his next piece. He could do what he and his friends,- RIP guys, RIP-, did to Mt. Rushmore, to the Liberty Bell, to all those white things statues and monuments to tag... or he could do something pretty... he didn’t just want to tag it though...

Then it hit him.

Roach climbed on top of the cheese, thankful that it was laying mostly flat on the creek bed and careful not to mess up his dairy canvas with his boots.

God the smell was awful, he gagged a little as he put the mask over his face,- it was always good to wear while painting but maybe it’d help with the smell. He hated the smell of cheese. After a few inhales and a couple of spritz of paint he could barely smell the cheeZe and he could focus on his art.

Well mostly, he also kept an ear open for any Zs approaching cause you can never be too careful in the apocalypse. After a good hour and a half, Roach finished his piece.

Across the canvas was an artfully done piece of a cow getting abducted.... By a wheel of cheese.

It was awesome!

“What do y’all think? I ain’t one to brag but it looks pretty damn nice!” Roach grins at the closest zombie, it’s legs kicking about.

“I know, right!”

Roach wiped his forehead off with the back of his arm, smiling at the cheese for a moment longer before getting to work mercying the Zs and cow stuck in the cheese with a hunting knife. A lot of them were dead already or just plain impossible to get too without some sort of long pike but he did his best to get them all.

After he was done he took one last look around. His eyes landed on something he missed not thirty feet away. Just past the wheel was a pickup that crashed in the ditch. And in the back was a four wheeler.

“This day keeps getting better and better,” Roach whispered, pulling out his hand gun. There wasn’t enough room around here for his thunderball but he had just enough bullets left if he was careful. He shouldered his bag and made his way over, his grin got wider as he took in what else was in the back.

Several backpacks, most of them had nothing in them but one had two bottles of lime Gatorade,- the best kind-, and an energy drink that he popped the tap open on right away and chugged it. It wasn’t water but it was something that would help his thirst and maybe even how out of it he felt lately.

After he was done he crumbled up the can and tossed it into the truck bed. Now it was time to figure out how to unload this four wheeler.

If it had gas... he need to check that... After doing what he usually did, checking the gas, seeing if he could syphon gas from the wrecked pickup into the atv, he thought about how he was gonna get the thing out of this ditch.

It took some struggling, it took some blood, sweat, and tears, but he got the atv out of the ditch eventually. Roach grunted loudly as he pushed the vehicle up the hill. It was harder than he expected, but once he got it to flat ground. He was panting heavily as he fumbled with the keys he found before dropping them when he remembered it.

“I forgot to sign it!!” Roach shouted, scrambling to grab his can of green paint and sliding down the hill. “God, that would be embarrassing to forget!”

After getting back the the cheese he picked the lower right hand side to paint out a little green cockroach among the yellow and purple canvas.

“Now, now I can go.”

Roach hoped on the four wheeler after one last check of the surrounding area. He was gonna have ta think about this, he learned to ride a four wheeler pre-z,- he also learned to ride a dirt bike pre-z and was better at it but that ain’t neither here nor there-, and he only... rode one in the apocalypse like... once. Ridin’ bitch with his friend...

“Come one... just like ridin’ a bike,” Roach whispered, slowly edging forward before accelerating, “yeah, yeah! I got this!”

Roach grinned to himself as he set off down the dirt road in the direction he was heading before the cheese wheel came along.

Now he had a ride, he had something to drink, got to tag something awesome, life was going good!

The only thing next was to find something else to tag.

 

 

“Hey-hey! Guys! Stop!!” 10k shouted, grabbing onto Addy’s sleeve so she couldn’t keep walking.

“What is it, 10k-oh my god...”

“Is that the...”

“Aw, it didn’t make it down to the Mississippi... wait... Someone tagged the cheese!!” Doc laughed, leaning over the railing of the bridge, just beside where it was broken.

“Probably the same jackass that got the liberty bell and mt Rushmore,” Warren shakes her head, looking unimpressed.

“Someone tagged Mt Rushmore? And the Liberty Bell?” Vasquez asked, quirking an eyebrow at Warren.

“Mmhm...” Cassandra hummed right beside Addy. “Probably a lot more places too.”

“Defacing public land marks...” Murphy shook his head, “the youth these days.”

“Hey! I think it’s awesome!” 10k ignored the looks the older people in his group had, he really did think the designs and the tags were cool! This one is coolest by far.

“So What is it?” Murphy asked, squinting just a little at it, “is it a cow? Getting abducted by...”

“There’s a cow in the cheese!!” Doc pointed, there was one, a dead one, but there was a cow. “And there’s a cow getting abducted by cheese on the cheese!!”

Warren laughed and looked behind them, “as amusing as this is, we got some puppies and kittens... following us, we should go.”

10k took one last look at the cheese wheel before following after his friends. He hopes he can meet whoever does these tags one day, he’s like to watch them paint.