"Thanks.'' She quips as he hands her the pasta box, smile never leaving her lips. She's so happy to be here, with him, to see his beautiful face again that she doesn't notice the longing, the sense of awe that he has in his eyes.
''I thought I'd never see you again.'' She looks up, and all she sees this time is the love in his eyes, and she can feel her own heart swell with love for him. Her eyes falls to his lips and she needs to feel him again, to make sure he's real. And by the way he looks at her, she can tell he feels exactly the same.
Both leans in at the same time and Sara has a small smile on her lips again, glad that he's feeling the same, relieved he there is no sense of hesitation or ackwardness between them.
Their eyes closes as their lips meet, and for a moment, both forget all the pain and longing they've been through, all they can feel is love and passion, Michael presses his lips against her, wanting to feel the sweet taste of her again, the one he thought he'd never feel again. He takes her lower lip between boh of his and Sara respond to the kiss just as passionately, there is an urge both can feel, the urge to feel each other. Michael slows down, passing her lips delicatelt between his to savor the feel of them.
And then, he pulls back, not out of breath, but overwhelmed with the feeling of her lips on his. Her presence alone had been a terrible daydream till an hour ago. But as his lips leave hers, Sara felt her chest tighten with the fear of losing him again, she just wants to feel him. She hung her arms around his neck and pull him close to herself as she takes his lips into hers again, he kisses her back, passionately, and a small moan leaves her throat, delighted to have the feel of his lips back.
Both pull out, to breath this time and while her hands are still hooked behind his neck, she looks at him contently, she stares at his lips and is contemplating her next move, kissing him again. She never wants to stop kissing him.
Michael watches the beautiful woman he's almost lost and smiles at how flushed she looks, he wants her too, oh so much. But Michael is scared, seeing her, holding her and kissing her has already shook him, he was scared his heart won't bear more. But as he thought of his heart, a tender feeling envelopp him at the pure thought he's had all this time in Sona, when he still thought she was alive.
Michael had dreamt of her smile, of her rich laugh. And each time he recalled the moment he's seen her smile and blush when he gave her the origami flower, it had been the most beautiful sight of his life. His LLI brain quickly recalls he has that flower on him, the one he held and cried upon for nights, it smelled of her handbag, of her.
Michael simply wants to see her smile like his beautiful memory again, for a second, he doesn't want to think about their complicated relationship or the cruel destiny of their fate. He just want to makes her smile again, before time snatch the ocassion again.
''I have something for you.'' He murmurs and smiles, amused at how surprised she looks, his eyes lighten seeing the 'caught' expression on her, she had wanted to go on with kissing and maybe..more.
Sara watch him smile and she's suddenly just amazed he's here, with her. She cups his face, running her palm tenderly over his cheek, she loves this man with all her heart, her chest tightened and she felt hapiness to just, be in the same room as him again. It's scary, because it's all she's wished for and looks like a dream come true, she's afraid she might lose him again but she shakes away that fear by a nervous laugh.
''Okay'' She smiles, feeling she'll cry if she doesn't, she shifts, bringing her knees closer to herself as she watch his beautiful fingers fumble through his pocket. He is so beautiful, he's all she ever wished and she can't believe he's here.
''You left this behind.'' Michael hands her the flower, satified to see her smile.
Sara's eyes fall on the piece of paper, and her heart sinks, her little rose has been her symbol of Michael, it was the only thing she had been holding onto, she would feel its presence in her palm and it had felt as if Michael was there. She had been so glad she'd stopped to compose herself out of the police station when they'd taken Michael to Sona.
She had retrieved the flower from her brown handbag and had held it to her heart, trying not to break and repeating herself to have faith. Sara was so glad she'd kept it in the back pocket of her jeans, not in her bag again.
Because it was just minutes later when she took a turn on the next street that she'd been hit on the head and had felt darkness envelopp her. Sara had held the flower close to her heart on nights when she was held, trying to be strong, for Michael.
When Lincoln had came over, she was unfortunetely holding it in her palm and it fell when Gretchen's two bulks yanked her off the chair and into a van, her next destination was that shack in the jungle, where she'd craved so many times to just have Michael's flower with her to hold and kiss when she was deperate. And to have, at least the flower to hold onto when she died in that dark place, alone.
Sara smiles, pushing the dark memories away, she had to smile or she would break down into heavy sobs and tell Michael how thankful she was to have the flower back, wait, to have him back. So she laughs, looking at the piece of paper in her hands instead of him, it was crazy how happy this little object made her and how important it had become to her.
''Is that what this is about? You just getting me my rose back?'' She jokes her voice hoarse, she's still staring at the flower, not him, never him. But her heart swell when he holds her sheet clad knee and rub his perfect fingers across her skin.
''Yeah I guess I'm done now. I can retire.'' Michael attempt to make her smile again, it feels too much to think she was the beautiful, amazing woman he's almost lost. Losing Sara. It was a thought he couldn't go back to.
She's staring at the flower but all she can focuss is the gentle movement of his thumb on her knee, and her heart break, the fear of losing him is suddenly back again. She laughs loudly again, not wanting to give in her fears, to actually think she's gonna lose him now that she's just gotten him back. But her smile falls as she realises, he's going to prison. Leaving her alone. Again.
''How much time are you looking at?'' She asks, her heart envelopped with fear, dread and knowledge. She knows they're gonna be separated again.
Michael watches her and takes a deep breath, she's afraid, and he is too. Seeing her safe and sound has relieved him so much but he still knows, that he's gonna lose her. And that doesn't matter for a while, as long as she is safe, his heart doesn't agree with his mind and he had to look away because watching her makes the prospect of leaving her so much more difficult.
''They're saying 15 years.'' Sara looks at him, and she knows he's the only man she will ever truly love, that he's the one, not the one who's a perfect match for a perfect life but the one she loves so much she'll never be able to replace him. She takes hold of the hand that's been on her knee and rubs her own thumb across his smooth skin, repeating his movement of affection.
"I have to find out for sure.'' Fifteen years without him seemed like forever, and her heart sank at all the moments they would miss again.
But somehow, Sara knew that it was him or no one else, so she knew, she would wait, wait for him. She keeps on doing the caress of her thumb, looking at his beautiful hands and trying, despite everything, raking her brain for another way. Another way out of this mess, where they could be together, even if it mean both locked up in jail together. She didn't want freedom, she didn't want safety, she just wanted him.
''I heard Lincoln say something about a deal.'' She looks up questioningly, wanting to know, what other option there could be. She was ready for anything at this point, she just couldn't see her beautiful, innocent Michael in a damned place like Fox River or Sona again.
''No jail time, in exchange of taking down the Company.'' Michael knows she would want to give it a try, but he wouldn't put her in danger again, never, losing her once had been enough. He'd go through 15 years of prison with the knowledge of her safety and maybe, the privileg to see her from time to time, it was already so much to him, he's thought her dead afterall. A shot at few visitation and her safety was so much more than the option of her death. He wouldn't put her in that risk again.
''How?'' Sara looks up, almost already going with this alternative, she would do anything for this man, she could fight the world. She just would be heartbroken with the knowledge of him paying for crimes he wasn't responsible for.
''Exactly.'' He doesn't leave room for further discusssion, crossing away this option, he wouldn't put her through hell again, she deserved so much more. She leans against him, biting on her lip and trying to think, she wasn't ready to watch him go to prison. She wasn't ready to lose him.
''I love you.'' Michael needed, wanted her to know that, no matter what happened. Sara closes her eyes, her heart tightening at his confession, she loved him too and she couldn't lose him again.
''That's all I know right now.'' Michael looks at her and Sara looks up, all they can see in each other's eyes is love. And both take in the presence of each other again, Sara's lips curves into a small smile again, relief, hapiness of actually being there with him in this moment.
She knew what he thought, she wanted to forget eveeything too and just live the now, now this moment, with Michael.
He bends down and takes her lower lip in his mouh again, Sara responding by nipping on his upper lip. It's slower than the ugre of the first kiss, Sara traced his lips with her thumb, still mesmerized by the beauty of this man.
Michael kisses her again, allowing his hands to free her hair. She chuckles and breaks the kiss looking at him with adoration, he takes in her beauty, threading his fingers through her now lose, longer, redder hair.
''I know you like it this way.'' Sara smiles and he smiles too with knowledge, she'd seen him watching her red hair in Fox River, he'd subtly, just as she entered the infirmary pay a glance to her hair and the way she'd styled it for the day. Sara remembers him smiling fondly but with a sense of loss as he had seen her with short darker hair, and she knew, Michael preferred the old style, and she was glad, because it's the one she herself identified her personality with.
Sara smiles and takes his lips in hers again, it takes no time before they're skin on skin, their clothes scattered on the floor and she's falling for his inked chest again while he discovers her body, with his perfect hands, his lips. He's on top of her and Sara, who previously hated this position, is so glad to feel his weight on her, it's all she wants. Michael is amazed at her beautiful body and he adorns her just the way she deserves. It's passionate thought, not rushed but passionate. They never stop kissing, Michael looks at her and there is no need for questions or doubts.
When he enters her, it's the most amazing thing Sara's ever felt. It had been a while, but feeling him inside her felt so amazing, it didn't hurt, and even if it had, she had doubts she could feel it by how aroused she was. She had been wet the second he's laid on top of her and sneaked his hands inside her chest. This felt meant to be. Michael kisses her again, and both are driven with passion and pleasure as he thrust into her rhythmically, earning low moans he knows would be louder if it wasn't for his brother sitting outside, he swallows her whimpers and she holds his shoulders, both are so engrossed into the heat if the moment that they barely realise the intimacy and meaning of the act of making love. Michael whispers her name as he begin to thrust faster, legs entangled and hips colliding, the feeling of her hot core around him is almost blinding.
And it's when she feels that particular pleasure feeling in the pit of her stomach, that it begin to crumble. Michael, her Michael is making love to her. It's something she never imagined would be real and as he pounds into her, whispering her name over and over and it's too much. Sara cling to him, afraid with the enormity of the moment and her pleasure is accompanied with an emotion she can't name, but it's making her heart melt and her eyes prick. Michael watch as her face scrunch, previously thrown back in pleasure, her head is now pressed against his shoulder and he can feel wetness on her eyelashes.
His heart breaks and even if it seemed physically impossible, he would stop if that's what she needed. He didn't think he was hurting her but maybe she hadn't been ready, he was so enveloped at how perfect and right this felt that maybe he hadn't noticed her hints of hesitancy.
''Sara?'' He looks down, his movements not stopping as she hold onto him and presses their bodies even closer.
Sara closes her eyes, it was beautiful, and she'd never felt anything like that, it was too much, she'd longed for Michael, she missed him and she loved him so much. She wasn't weak, wasn't emotional. But making love to Michael Scofield after having seen the edge of death was too much for her. And it was at the same time, all she wanted. Her moans were teary and her voice broke.
''Michael..please....don't stop.'' It was all she could muster and he kissed the side of her head while he moved into her. Making sure she was provided with pleasure, her warmness was enough to bring him on edge, he was holding in for her, wanting her to feel the same as he felt, wanting for their first time to be as good to her than it was to him.
Sara stilled, letting out a sound that he couldn't differenciate from a moan or a sob and she was crying his name over and over again. She'd never felt something as good. This was something outstanding, beautiful, and even if her past sexual life had been a disaster, Sara knew no one could ever make her feel as good as Michael just did. The pleasure came in waves and she could only moan Michael's name as her heart was aching and her insides shuddering with pleasure. Michael watched her in pure bliss and it was the call for him to let go too, he cradled her head to him as he called out her name and grunted his release.
''I love you.'' He heard Sara's heavy voice and pressed her further into him as his movements stilled, Sara gasped deeply affected by the physical and emotional intensity of the moment. Michael let her come down from her high before he pulled out of her, she instantly turned her back at him, lying on her side and finally opening her eyes. It's too much, and she's feeling she is going to crumble into pieces and break down if she lets him hold her so intimately in the aftermath of their lovemaking. So she bends over the edge of the bed, grabs her shirt and slip into it, she takes a hold of her shorty and sits up, pulling it upto her legs.
She hastily leaves the bed and makes her way to the small couch, she sits there, panting and breath hitching, she sobs and crosses her arms around her own body as she press her face to her own shoulder to muffle the sound of her crying.
Michael still doesn't realise, he'd never felt anything so perfect, he had thought her gone, he's cried over her beautiful face, he's cried over the feel of her soft hands, he's cried at the memory of her sweet smell, he's cried, sobbed over the thought of the pain she might have endured, he's cried imagining the state her beautiful body might have been left in.
Michael loved Sara Tancredi so much, he'd hurt with physical pain when he thought her dead. And never ever did he imagines he would be seeing her again, hours before he wasn't even sure she was alive and making love to her made him realise how much he had actually almost lost.
She was beautiful, perfect, the passionate way she kissed him, the roll of her hips against him, her moaning his name. Michael's mind reeled with all the happenings, they had actually made love and it was hard to realise, because they'd both thought they'd lost each other. This was heaven, and he would love and cherish his Sara this way forever, if fate let him.
But he knows something is wrong. More wrong than the possibility of him ending in prison again which he knows, is already a lot for her. But something's worst than that, because each time he's tried to sneak his arms behind her, to pull her into his chest, to keep her closer, she'd just grabbed at his hands with a desperate intense hold and he's squeezed her hands instead. She didn't let him hold her, and Michael's LLI identified it was not the proximity she was dreading by the way she pressed him into her, no. It was as if she actually didn't want him to touch her back, each time he subconsciously tried, she'd redirected his hands to her stomach, to her round breasts. He'd barely noticed in the heat of the moment but know it seemed ridiculously obvious to him.
''I thought I'd never see you again.'' She'd thought the same. Oh god. She thought the same. She had thought she would die, and never see Michael again. Sara's mind wasn't healed from the nightmares of her time in captivity of the Company.
When she'd been laying on the dirty floor of a shack in the middle of nowhere, hungry for days with fear eating her insides, she thought she'll never see her Michael again. When Gretchen had latched out on her, with each strike of the cold whip, each scream she'd let, she'd thought she would never see her Michael again. When the pain of being skinned all over her back had make her whimper endlessly with pain, sounds she was barely aware she was making while she laid alone to agonize, she had thought she'd never see her Michael again. When the smell of blood and heat was invading her senses to points of making her retch, that the fever made her delirious and headaches barely let her breath, she'd thought she'll never see her Michael again. When her body had grown so weak, so stiff she wasn't feeling it anymore, when she felt like a dirty corpse and no one came for days, she'd thought she'll never see her Michael again.
Michael. He had been her only thought. Her only strength and her only weakness. At times, the thought of him and the will to be with him would make her feel so strong she would face Gretchen with pride and even confidently tells her she would make it. But at others, the thought of him, of his blue eyes, his adorning lips, his beautiful hands, his smell, his hugs..it all broke her and she cried with the thought of never being able to see and feel all that again.
It had been worse than any rehab, all she had was time to think and she was alone, desperate. All she thought was Michael, and she loved him so much. She'd imagined so many things, at times, she was even okay with death if she was just accorded to be with Michael again, just even, one minute, just to hold him and tell him how much she loved him.
Sara had missed him, she's wanted him to be there, so terribly. When she felt lone and scared, she needed him to hold her, when pain numbed her thoughts, all she needed was Michael to hold her, when hunger had tore her insides, she needed Michael. And he was never there, and Sara thought he'll never be. Still, the thought of him was the only thing she held onto. If it wasn't for Michael, Sara Tancredi knew she might have died in the middle of nowhere, at an undefined time, Panama.
And now, she's tried to be okay with this, she was strong when she saw him, when he kissed her, when he hugged her. But she wasn't okay with Michael Scofield making love to her so wonderfully, that it broke her all over again. She wasn't okay with feeling his beautiful lips all over the body's that has been tortured and dirty. She wasn't okay with feeling him deep inside of her, with feeling the bliss of pleasure and the overwhelming swell of love he gave her. She hadn't yet adjusted to the idea that he was indeed, here. And he had already made her feel things she'll never forget.
Letting him hold her would be too much for her little heart, she wouldn't be able to let go, and she knew fate would take him from her again and it was too much. So instead, she wraps his jacket over her legs, and play with the buttons she knew he'd touched to tie, it smells of him and even that it too much.
If Sara had been handed his jacket in that hell of Panama, she would be hugging it, smelling it, kissing it, and maybe when things were at their worst, even talking to it as if it was Michael. Because she's longed for Michael so much, she's been so desperate, that even Michael Scofield's jacket would mean the world to her. And now too, it's almost overwhelming.
Michael had heard her sniffs and it has taken all his strenght to fight the overwhelming need to hold her, console her, pull her to him. Go after her. He'd been hurt at first, when instead of laying with him and discussing casualties in post-coital bliss, she had left their bed and he was left alone with her side growing cold. But now, her silent cries clearly indicated something was wrong. So wrong. In Sona, Michael had been thinking of her all the time, watching her picture, and thinking, what she might be doing, where she might be sleeping, how the bastards of the Company treated her.
And seeing her well and safe today had relived him, for, he'd imagined her wounded, frightened, hurt, broken. And seeing her okay relieved him, but now, Michael realised, maybe she wasn't that okay. He knew Dr.Tancredi was so good at hiding things, she'd hidden her addiction, and if Michael hadn't searched her, he wouldn't know half the things about her. He would have never guessed she was the governor's daughter, nor that she worked in a high security penitentiary.
Michael waited, wanting to give her space. Knowing it wasn't good to push her. She sat for almost half an hour, crying silently and when Michael finally allowed himself to glance at her figure, he couldn't hold back anymore. He put on his underwear and jeans and sat up, he bent to retrieve his top and slipped it over his head. Michael looked over at Sara's hunched figure again and his eyes were glassy with emotion for the woman he loved so much.
To Sara, Michael had became a thought, all this time, whether she thought of him or imagined him by her side, he was a figment of her own thinking. He was never gone, he was there, always, she'd seen him shout with horror when Gretchen whipped her, she'd heard him whisper soothing nothings when she was scared, she'd feel him hold her when she cried in despair. Anyone could go crazy if kept alone for days, fed once in a while, and tortured. Sara thought she kept her sanity, but her brain had started to imagine the only thing she had wanted. Michael.
Most of the times, she knew Michael was only a thought she could seek confort in, but at others she would see him or hear his voice, imagine his feeling. And for a couple of times, it had been worst, Sara could vaguely recall sobbing hopelessly and begging Michael aloud to hold her and take her away. She had actually been talking out loud, telling him she was hungry and ached all over and that she needed him. Sara suspected it was when the pain was too intense or fever too high and she couldn't differentiate times she was awake, sleeping and unconscious.
But over the time, she forgot he was an actual second person being there with her. So when Michael put his hands on her shoulders, Sara's instinctive reaction was to gasp in fear. Could she be blamed, after being locked alone with her thoughts for days with the only people coming in as enemies, Sara wasn't used to this.
Michael's doubts confirmed when he saw her startled at his touch. Sara wasn't okay, and he could only imagine what the monsters of the Company had done to her. How much cruelty had been done to his Sara, all because of him. Michael ached with guilt again, he should have never involved her. His heart was aching but he kept composed for her, he had to be gentle and calm.
Sara closed her eyes in relief and taking into the feeling that he was here and this time, he was real. Michael. He was here, holding her, her Michael. She immediately took hold of his hands, keeping him around her, she was physically scared he would be taken away.
''Sorry. Didn't meant to scare you.'' Michael whispered gently, looking down at her for a reaction. Michael dreaded the worst, all kind of thoughts passed his mind. She had started being off during their intercourse, was it possible that she was raped? Oh god. Michael didn't knew how much abuse towards her he could take, without wanting to kill himself for having put her there.
Sara closed her eyes and sighed, she was so relieved Michael was there, all she wanted was to hug him, burry herself deep in his chest and tell him about everything, tell him how scared she's been, how lonely she's been, how unwell she's been. Her heart had worried all the time for him, she wasn't there but during her captivity she had nightmares of horrors being done to him in Sona. She wanted to let it all out. But holding him, that already seemed like a lot. She bent and kissed his hand, ashamed of her behaviour.
''I'm sorry.'' She meant it, she was sorry for everything. For leaving him in Gila, for letting Mahone catch her, for him taking her place in Sona, for possibly ruining their first time together even if to her it had been amazing. For leaving the bed after lovemaking. For being scared of his touch..
Michael melts, he didn't knew what happened to her, but she didn't need to say sorry, not to him, not to anyone. As he watched her emotional state Michael needs to know what happened, what is making her this upset.
''Do you want to talk about it?'' He asks. Even if his LLI was making him go crazy with possibilities and it was killing him not to know, he wouldn't force her to talk.
Sara bites her lip to stop another flow of tears. She knows he's worried and she wants to tell him everything. Her heart beg her to tell him all from A to Z but she doesn't want him, to live, even by storytelling, what she lived through. So not knowing how to explain, she reaches for the bottom of her shirt and pulls it up. Michael knew something was wrong with her back, but he'd never imagined this.
He gasped seeing her beautiful perfectly smooth skin in an abused state. Michael traced the scarrs marking her back and his mind analysed everything, how much days had it bled, with what were these done, the pain she had endured, the conditions in which Sara was kept in. They weren't only marks, they were a story, a nightmarish story she would remember each time she looked or touched her back. And his face contorted with the thought of being responsible of this.
Michael looks at her, his heart aching for what she's been put through and guilt eating him. This was all his fault. She sniffles and his heart bleed again. If the mere memory of it was terrifying for her, what had the actual thing been? What had these inhuman monster made his Sara endure? How could he let something so awful happen to someone so good as his beautiful Dr.Tancredi.
Sara turns, and she knows by the dejected look on his face that he is blaming himself. She reaches for his arm, for his, as well as her own confort. ''It's not your fault, it's not.'' She assures him. He's been her strength, the one who saved her from this hell, the one who give her the will and power to keep running under the Panamanian sun when she's escaped, if it wasn't for him, she would've probably collapsed from dehydration and her wounds, she would have maybe died on the side of a dusky road.
''Tell me what happened?'' Michael's heart aches and he's so in love with this woman, god. No one's ever cared for him this much, she's been through hell and she was caring about his guilt? What else had been done to her?
Sara finally allow herself to seek confort in him, like so many times she's imagined or dreamt of, she presses her face in the crook of his elbow and let the tears fall. At his question, she sniffs swallowing her tears, of relief and pain. He caress her hair slowly, and her heart break thinking about all the time she'd been alone and afraid and she'd longed for him to hold her like that.
And suddenly, she doesn't feel like telling him about the horrors she saw anymore, her heart might will it, but Michael. This man loved her so much, if he knew the intensity of her desperation and pain, he would hate himself. And Sara couldn't bare the thought of that.
''It's just the Company...it's just what they do.'' She tells vaguely, proving to him that they did this to her. Not him, never him. She doesn't want guilt to eat him for whatever happened with her.
Michael looks away, not being able to look at her hurt face again. He hated the Company, they had taken so much from him, hurt so many people. And they could tear his heart out, kill him for all he cared. But hurting Sara in such a awful way wasn't something he could take.
Sara's heart aches for what they've done to them, all they'd taken from them. They've destroyed her life, killed her father, she recall the scared adolescent with her and the innocent brother of the man she loved, she had almost cried when she saw Lincoln on the chair, and the pain in Michael's eyes.
''And it wasn't just me. God. It was you and LJ and..and Lincoln..'' Sara can't complete as she thinks of her deceased father, of Veronica, LJ had told her about the innocent determined woman who died to save the one she loved.
Michael would go to prison, for things he didn't do. And the Company? No one would ever pay for the lives they're destroyed. For her life with Michael, that they're still willing to take away. She cling to him pulling him closer. She wanted this to end, for them both to be granted peace, they needed that, they deserved that. But she knew, they won't get peace, the Company would never let them be together and she ached for that.
She sobs and Michael looks down, at her pained face, he was so sorry she had to bear all this, he would want to take her someplace safe and never have to run again.
''And they won't stop, and I don't know how to deal with that.'' Her voice breaks. She wants to go away, with Michael, have a life with him. She can't bear this anymore, she can't take the separations and the fear of his safety again. Sara's heart break thinking they'll never be granted that, even their time together right now might be counted. She holds onto him harder and Michael pressed his hand into her shoulder to show his support.
She couldn't be separated from Michael again, she couldn't lose him again. Sara pressed her face in the crook of his elbow again, sniffing. She was scared for him, for them.
Michael hears her cries and he looks down, he can't take it anymore. Sara deserved everything in the world and if there was one he could give her right now, it was comfort.
''Hey, come here.'' He nudged her. ''Come here.'' She sniffed and Michael for his own sake, just wanted to hold her in his arms. He'd longed for that.
''Come here.'' He repeated more insistently and turned her over, Sara sobbed and reach for him. She hid her face into his stomach and Michael held her to himself.
They knew things could fall apart again but just for one second, they were holding each other and that was more than what was granted to them in weeks.