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Yesterday

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I sighed contently as the wind blew my hair back from my face. This was all I needed a guitar in my lap, beautiful weather, and John Lennon sitting next to me singing.
"I'll do anything for you
Anything you want me to
If you'll be true to me"
His face was in utter concentration. His eyes fixated on the fretboard before him. Every chord he played slowly being sown into our history. Our early days. Of course, I didn't realize it at the time. That the man next to me would be my future. That four boys could become the fabulous Beatles. John noticed I had zoned out. I nudged my lightly with his shoulder.
" Oi Paul, don't start day dreaming on me. We need to work on this song!" I shook my head and blinked. The sun shone through his hair making it a glowing auburn.
"Sorry, just lost in thought" he nodded then looked off into the distance of the field we were sitting in.
"Hey Paul?" I could see a sadness in his eyes. I wished he didn't have to hold such sadness.
"Yes John?" Finally he turned to me. His eyes were welling up behind his glasses, which I had told him to wear for MiMi sake.
"Do-Do you think she'd be proud of me? If she could hear us play this song, do you think she'd be proud?" How could he ever think she wouldn't. Julia loved him so much. I put a hand on his shoulder.
"Of course she would be, she would have been dancing away as you played your guitar. I'm sure that no matter what you did she'd be so proud. John, she looked very you very much" he nodded. He pushed the guitar down and feel into my arms. He held me tight and sobbed. I could feel my shirt growing wet as John finally let go what I'm sure he'd been holding in for far to long.
"I miss her so much Paul" I rubbed his back shooshing him every so often.
"I know, I know" he held tight to my shirt and looked up at me.
"Paul, I want you to promise me something"
I nodded ready to agree to whatever it was " no matter what happens, don't want you to ever leave me. Please don't ever leave" I knew it was more of a statement then a question. And I knew what he meant. No matter what John don't die and leave me behind. I nodded. I should have asked him the same. Instead I picked up his guitar and started playing whatever he had been playing before.
"I promise, always John" he sighed, content with my answer. He sang along with me.

 

"In spite of all the danger
In spite of all that may be
I'll do anything for you
Anything you want me to
If you'll be true to me

In spite of all the heartache
That you may cause me
I'll do anything for you
Anything you want me to
If you'll be true to me

I'll look after you
Like I've never done before
I'll keep all the others
From knocking at your door

In spite of all the danger
In spite of all that may be
I'll do anything for you
Anything you want me to
If you'll be true to me

Yeah!

In spite of all the heartache
That you may cause me
I'll do anything for you
Anything you want me to
If you'll be true to me
I'll do anything for you
Anything you want me to
If you'll be true to me"

 

Those memories had been so long ago. Never had I imagined that what I was hearing over the telephone was true. John Lennon had been murdered. I was speechless, shocked. It hadn't really hit that I was all true until I had reports right outside my recording studio. Then it hit me in really time. Once I was home that night and watched the news on the television, surrounded by my family. That's when I felt the tears and the loss kick in. I had lost John. He was gone. He had left after our promise years ago.
The next day I had talked to Yoko. I need a familiar voice, some one close to him. The first thing she said to me was "John was very fond of you" I recalled my last talk with him over the phone. We were happy again. Still best mates. And now we'd never get to rekindle that friendship I longed for. I was on my own. I knew that I could talk to Ringo or George about it, but it just wasn't the same. They weren't him. The man behind the mask. He used to take his glasses down, those granny glasses, and say, "It's only me." Behind all that, it was just John. My John. The man who worried what MiMi thought of him, and wondered if his mother was proud. The man who'd sit me in a chair and play music with me until the world around us didn't seem to matter. My heart clenched at the thought that I'd never see him again. I'd have to rush to the bathroom for air. To cry in peace. And when I finally started playing live again, I always wondered if John was proud of me. This would alwayscause my voice to crack as I say 'Here today'. My body shook with every fiber of my being would I would hear that voice I missed so much as it sang beautiful boy. I hope John knew I was proud of him.