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Codex: Her Worship

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There's a dry brown parchment nailed to a wall in the Skyhold kitchens. One would think that because the kitchens are so large, a piece of parchment might go unnoticed, but the Head Cook's Second has read the note aloud to the entire staff a few times in the past two days, trying to make sure everyone who can't read has at least heard it. The following is written, in tight, shaky letters:

Just because I'm ill doesn't mean things should go to shambles in my absence. Our lady Herald should not even notice a hiccup in the kitchen's activities! You all know how to conduct yourselves, you've proven that. A few notes as a reminder:

  1. Her Worship dislikes milk and won't want much in any food she eats. If you know it's food for her, and you should know, avoid using milk as an ingredient. A little would be okay if perhaps she was some mere lady, but she's the Herald of Andraste and I expect you to keep milk out of her food! I don't care if she accepts your apology and smiles at you! Don't do it!
  2. Someone make sure the server on rotation for Her Worship's meals or banquets has a pitcher of cider, not ale or brew of any sort. She won't consume spirits or wine either. Cider or water only unless otherwise requested. So much as a twitch of distaste on her face and I will know, and I will rise from my sickbed to chuck your sorry arse off the battlements!
  3. For the love of Andraste, don't ask about the larvae.
  4. Her Worship will insist that the finest of the meal ingredients be prepared in her guest's food instead of her own, if she dines with one. Only listen to her if that guest is Lady Josephine Montilyet.
  5. If the Lady Montilyet requests breakfast in bed for the two of them, Her Worship will typically be abashed and tell whatever server brings it up that they didn't have to go to all that trouble just for her. She tells Lady Montilyet this as well. Do not listen to her. Go to all the trouble. I don't care if it takes accursed blood magic to prepare it— get it done!
  6. For those of you who are new she has never once thrown a goblet or plate or any such thing at a servant, not once. Not even you elvish lot the rumors are true; she herself is an elf. You're going to be just fine. 

However, don't forget no matter what race you are, I will throttle you if you so much as spoil the air Her Worship breathes. 

I'll be well again soon. Hop to it.