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The Piggy from the Supermarket

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           “Gimme’ a call if ya ever need drug money, babe!” His customer called as the spider demon strutted out of the motel room. Angel turned, poking his head back into the room and giving the half-naked lizard an innocent face, before promptly flipping him the middle finger and slamming the door behind him. Stuffing a wad of cash in his pocket, he walked toward the motel’s check in, having noticed a vending machine there earlier. He stepped in front of it, pulling one of the twenties from his suit and straightening it out and shoving them into the machine’s cash slot, and typing in the code for cocaine.

            “That’s right baby, come to papa Angel.” The spider demon purred, rubbing both sets of his gloved hands together. The small noise of something hitting the metal base of the machine sent him bending over and reaching into the compartment with all four hands, pulling out a small, plastic bag filled with a white powder. He pulled out some rolling paper, poured out the drugs and rolled it up, taking a spare lighter from one of his extra pockets. Lighting the end of his improvised cigarette, he walked along the sidewalk, inhaling the smoke.

            Angel strolled through the streets of hell, wandering past anyone else utilizing the sidewalk and occasionally exhaling a mouthful of smoke. He wandered for a bit, occasionally retracing his steps and eyeing the various clubs and bars. With his drug cigarette nearly used up, he eyed the bar he stood in front of, looking for a sign with the name of the thing. It was a medium sized building, with a broken window on the side, partially boarded up. The only neon sign was a yellow and blue margarita, with a spray-painted wooden plank hanging from the side of it. The place had declared itself ‘The Lucky Lady’ despite how worn down it was. The spider-demon hummed in satisfaction, grabbing the chipped door handle and letting himself in.

            On the inside, the building was decently laid out for such a small place. There was an actual bar in the middle of the room surrounded by evenly spaced out tables, with a few TV’s set up just overhead, each set to different channels. The floor was carpeted in a gritty red, cigarette butts, crumpled receipts, and a random canine tooth littering the place here and there. Angel stepped over most of the garbage, before making it over to the bar and scooting onto one of the pink-cushioned stools.

            He handed his cocaine cigarette to his lower set of arms, setting the upper pair down on the table and resting his chin in the palms of his hands. As Angel glanced around the bar, he eyed the other customers. Most of them were so drunk they’d passed out, or they were getting high, or were otherwise preoccupied. The spider demon sighed in disappointment with half- lidded eyes, bringing the cocaine to his mouth again. Raising his hand, Angel snapped his fingers, trying to get the bartenders attention. The cobra demon who approached him wore a baggy, tan sweater, with clear bags under his eyes and a pair of bright red glasses sitting at the base of his snout. He was a dully colored creature, his dark red and pink scales complimenting the color of the place as a whole. Angel opened his mouth, about to ask for a glass of liquor and maybe offer his services, when a voice called behind them.

            “Hey!” The familiar tone and pitch caught him off-guard. “Spider-slut!”

            Angel turned, planning to punch the weirdo who dared call him out and tell them to screw off. He paused upon seeing their face though, greeting them with a smirk.

            “Nice to see ya too, cyclops-bitch.” Angel spoke in a playful tone.

            Cherri giggled, punching her partner-in-crime in the shoulder and dragging him back over to the bar. The pair sat next to each other, the bartender having turned away to wash a glass. The cyclops girl raised an eyebrow at the bartender, before leaning over a bit to whisper at Angel. “Da Hell happened to that guy?” She asked, giggling. Angel shrugged in response.

            “I dunno. Maybe his girl broke up wit’ him or somethin’?”

            “Doesn’t surprise me! That guy looks like he locks himself in a basement during the exterminations.”

            The bartender suddenly slammed his hands in front of the pair, looming over them as if he were somehow twice their size. “Are you two going to order something, or not?” He asked, not bothering to hide the fact he’d already had enough with them. Angel raised an eyebrow, smirking.

            “Two of ya best liquors, barkeep,” The spider-demon purred, sliding a twenty-dollar bill on the counter toward him. “and keep ‘em comin’. That’s for the first round, and I want the change.” Angel paused for a moment, before his smirk widened. “That is, ‘less ya wanna pay me and we can do somethin’ fun together.”

            The cobra sighed, pinching between his eyebrows. “Sorry to disappoint, sir, but I’d hate to steal you away from your lady friend.” The cobra took the cash on the counter and walked away, going to prepare drinks and quickly tend to his other customers.

            “One ‘a those nights?” Cherri asked, taking a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of the black leather jacket she wore.

            “Just on the hunt for some cash. Shit's been kinda tight lately. 'Sides, gives me a chance to unwind. You?” The spider-demon asked, gesturing to her lack of a ponytail and the jacket.

            “Felt like takin’ a walk, got thirsty, take your pick.” She gave him a toothy smirk. “Last movie didn’t do so hot?” The one-eyed woman teased, inhaling the smoke from her cigarette.

            “No shit! Damn thing crashed and burned.” The spider-demon grumbled, tossing away the remains of his drug cigarette. “Probably ‘cause they just used me as a cameo character. Apparently they 'couldn’t afford' me for the lead.” He eyed Cherri’s cigarette for a moment, before the cyclops girl smiled and pulled the carton back out.

            “Thanks.” Angel sighed, pulling out his own lighter and trying to spark it, only to find he couldn’t move it. Furrowing his brow, the spider inspected it for a moment, only to groan, dramatically slamming his head into the bar counter and tossing the yellow lighter behind him. “Can I borrow yours?” He asked with a grumble. The cyclops girl handed him a box of matches, smirking.

            “Forgot to re-fasten your drug baggie, eh Angel Dust?” She asked, blowing the smoke in the opposite direction of her companion.

            “Aw shut up, Cherri,” he grumbled. “In my defense, I was fresh ‘offa a job.”

            “Sounds kinky.” She replied, taking in a bit more of the cigarette’s smoke.

            “Oh! Oh, this one’s rich!” The spider demon whispered, but emphasized. “So this lizard guy comes up to me, hands me, I shit ‘cha not, a hundred bucks, and asks me to suck ‘im off.”

            Cherri stared at Angel for a moment, before bursting into laughter. “Are you fucking serious? A hundred bucks and that was all the guy wanted? What the Hell?”

            “I know right! I almost started cacklin’ like a fuckin’ witch!”

            “Ha! I swear, the newbies just keep getting dumber and dumber!” Cherri laughed heartily, blowing more of the smoke from her lungs.

            The bartender approached the pair with a slightly soured expression, setting down a pair of shot glasses. Cherri winked at the bartender, who narrowed his eyes and turned away. Angel slipped the cigarette and the matchbox in his other pocket, before trying to call the cobra back.

            “Hey! Hey ya swindler! Where the fuck’s my goddamn change?” The spider demon demanded, slamming a hand on the counter. The bartender turned, holding a bottle of liquor.

            “Since you asked to ‘keep them coming’, I figured it would be more convenient to simply give you the bottle and allow you two to serve yourselves. This,” he stated flatly, gesturing towards the liquor, “is valued at about thirty dollars. Even though you gave me twenty, I would happily take the rest in either money, or cocaine, seeing as how you apparently have so much of it it’s lining the inside of your pocket and its left a decent coating of itself on your cash.”

            Angel glanced over at Cherri, before turning back to the bottle. “What’d ya think Cher? Drugs or cash?”

            The cyclops woman studied the bartender childishly for a moment, bending her neck to look at him up and down. She hummed in thought for a moment. “Drugs.” She answered firmly, putting her hands on her hips. “This guy looks like he needs it.” Angel nodded, pulling out the plastic baggie. It was definitely more empty then when he’d put it in there, but not quite.

            “This much work for you, barkeep?” The spider demon asked, using an opposite hand to point at the drugs.

            “Plenty.” The cobra replied, setting the bottle down in front of them. He took the bag, tying it off and walking away. “Enjoy.” The bartender said as he headed toward the exit to the oval counter, towards the bathroom.

            “What 'cha thinkin'? Snorter or smoker?” Cherri asked.

            “Snorter, I bet.” Angel replied, picking up the bottle of liquor. “Want me to poor ya some?”

            “’The fuck you even asking?” The cyclops woman replied, tossing the butt of her cigarette away.

            “Just checkin’.” The spider-demon opened the bottle, pouring some out into both glasses. He picked his up, smirking. “Cheers?” He asked, holding his glass towards the cyclops woman.

            “Cheers!” She replied, bumping it against Angel’s and immediately downing the entire thing. The spider demon attempted to do the same, only to stop halfway through and start coughing.

            “God dammit,” He murmured.

            “Ha!” Cherri laughed. “Maybe I ought to take ya drinking more often spider-slut, give ya time to practice!”

            “Sure thing, then I can show up drunk off my ass on set.” Angel groaned.

            “Says the one who’s notorious for showing up on set so high this one time, they had to throw in a scene of his character getting high at the last minute, and everyone since's been doin' the same thing as a precaution!”

            Angel smirked, sipping on his drink. “’Least I’m makin’ use of my hobbies on set.”

            Cherri shoved the spider-demon in the face, grabbing the liquor bottle and running out of the building. Angel rubbed his eyes, having spilled some of his drink on his shorts. He forced himself to down the remainder of their drinks, before jumping off the barstool and beginning to pursue her. He was about to open the door, when he turned back, noticing the bartender had returned. The spider-demon took out a five-dollar bill, rushing back over to the bar and snapping his fingers a few times. The cobra demon approached him, looking rather annoyed. Angel shoved the cash at the bartender, before running back to the door. “Thanks for the liquor pal! Have a good night!” The spider-demon called behind him, before rushing out the door, leaving the bartender speechless.

            “Hey Cherri! Cherri wait up!” Angel called, doing his best to catch up with the cyclops woman. Up ahead, she howled in delight, pausing to take a drink. Angel ran past her, snatching the liquor bottle away. He cackled, taking a shortcut through an alleyway. He hid behind a dumpster, taking a look at the open bottle. He brought it to his lips, chugging as much as he could from the bottle as quickly as possible, draining it until there was nothing more than a third of it left. He was about to finish it, when someone tugged it from his grasp. Cherri downed the remainder of the bottle, Angel staring at her as she drank the last trickle.

            “Aw come on!” Angel grumbled. “I thought I’d get to finish it!”

            “Sorry spider-slut, but you know I always win!” The cyclops woman sat down next to him, fixing the straps of the red tank top beneath her leather jacket. They sat there in silence for a moment, catching their breathe as vehicles fought through traffic in the background. Angel began to cough briefly, Cherri patting his back roughly. “Deep breathes pal, deep breathes.” She spoke encouragingly. “Geez Angel, you been sick lately?” She asked, raising her eyebrow.

            “Nah,” the spider-demon replied, “but I may’ve picked up a cough or somethin’,” he trailed off, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knees.

            “Huh.” Cherri thought aloud. “Here, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we drop by the store, go get ‘cha some cough drops or something, and we can hang out for a while, okay?”

            The spider-demon sighed, closing his eyes gently. He nodded, allowing his friend to help him up. He half-heartedly pulled his arm away, the pair going to the sidewalk, and flagging down a taxi.

            “Where t- holy shit is that Angel D-?” The driver gasped, his eyes going wide. He was cut off upon noticing the spider-demon's companion.

            Cherri had pulled a handgun out of her pocket, narrowing her eyes and cocking the hammer, glaring daggers at the gray owl demon. “Grocery store.” A hiccup interrupted her demand. “Drive.” The cyclops woman demanded, before rolling up the divider in the middle. The driver nodded, stepping on the gas and driving towards the supermarket.

            “Hey, Cherri?” Angel asked in a slightly slurred voice, staring out the taxi’s window. “Thank,” he hiccupped before he could continue, “you for takin’ me to the store. You’re a real,” another hiccup, “pal.”

 

 

            “Cyclops-bitch! I found some,” Angel hiccupped between his slurred sentence, the biggest smirk on his face, “blue raspberry cough drops!” The spider-demon was pointing to a plastic bag, filled with bright blue breath-mints.

            “What?” Cherri asked in a sickly-sounding voice, leaning on a shelf. She covered her mouth, a brownish liquid dripping from her chin.

            “I said,” Angel hiccupped again, sticking the breath-mints in the cyclops-woman’s face, “I found some cough drops.”

            Cherri groaned, rocking herself slightly against the shelf.

            “You,” the spider-demon hiccupped, feeling the bile rise in his throat. He forced himself to swallow it, before continuing. “Shit, you feelin’ okay?”

            “No,” Cherri slurred, coughing for a moment before managing to cover her mouth.

            “Fuck,” Angel murmured. “Do ya think,” he hiccupped again, “maybe we drank that liquor too fast?”

            “Maybe,” Cherri groaned, sitting down. “You go get your,” she was interrupted by her own hiccups, “your meds. I’ll meet ‘cha outside,” she trailed off, before running in the direction of the nearest restroom.

            Angel walked towards the cash register, throwing a five-dollar bill on the counter without a cashier, and walked outside. He sat down on the curb, taking out the cigarette and the box of matches. He lit the cigarette, smiling as he opened the package of breath-mints. He threw two of them in his mouth, letting his saliva dissolve them and swallowing them. The spider-demon looked around, before noticing a foldable table and a cardboard box nearby. An exhausted looking lizard-demon sat on a folding chair to the side, dozing. Angel got up, moving towards the box. He looked inside curiously, before smiling gleefully.

            “Oh my god!” He reached into the box with both sets of arms, pulling out a tiny, pink and gray piglet. “Who’d leave a sweet little puppy here?”

            “Buddy.” the half- asleep lizard demon grumbled, not even bothering to look up. “Ya’ll want the pig, you’re gonna have to pay for it. That little runt is gonna be-”

            Angel didn’t wait for the lizard demon to finish, slamming every cocaine- covered piece of cash and every coin on the overall-wearing demons table, and walking inside.

            “Excuse me ya buncha’ shitheads!” He announced. “Since you sons o’ bitches decided to abandon this sweet little pup outside like a trash bag with an even bigger son of a bitch,” he was interrupted by a coughing fit and more hiccups, “I’ma’ takin’ him home and not payin’ for him! Thank you!” He walked back outside, the one working employee staring at the door from the second isle in confusion.

            “Hey,” Cherri spoke, her words slurred to a nearly unrecognizable point. She stood behind the cow-demon, who glanced at her but still stared at the door. “You guys have a puddle o’ barf,” she hiccupped again, “on the ladies room floor, ya might wanna clean that up.” She stumbled to the door, walking outside to find Angel.