If you know one thing about Sebastian Debeste, it is that he is a nervous wreck. His anxiety disorder leaves him permanently on edge, his heart rate always a bit too fast, and makes him jumpy and prone to panicking. If someone doesn’t know this, they call Sebastian pathetic and annoying and make him want to cry. But if they know (and they’re not horrible like a certain father he doesn’t want to talk about), they… they’re so considerate with him.
One day, Sebastian sits in his office at the prosecutors’ office, slumped at his desk. He studies a case file, trying to read it. But no matter how many times he reads the same sentence over and over again, the words won’t stick in his brain. Sebastian grips his baton tightly with gloved hands, bending it and letting it snap back against the palm of his hand, a repetitive stim born from stress. Why can’t he focus?
He’s useless, isn’t he? Even after all the help from Justine and Mr Edgeworth and everyone else a few months ago, he is still a nervous wreck. Life is so much better now, so why can’t he move on? Why does he still have to have this anxiety disorder making his brain malfunction?? Why can’t he be happy?
Ugh, he’s so useless. Sebastian’s heart rate gets faster, drumming inside his chest. He starts to rock back and forth in his seat, despite knowing people think he is weird when he rocks in public. He tries to breath but his chest goes tight, and Sebastian gasps. He hunches in on himself, gritting his teeth. Is this a panic attack?
He hates panic attacks so much, but he’s never able to stop them. He just has to hope to get somewhere private and ride it out. They’re kind of like his meltdowns in that respect, except that he was born autistic – he has these panic attacks because people hurt him until his became scared of everything as a way to help him stay safe.
Sebastian groans, heaving in shallow, irregular breaths. His skin gets damp with sweat and he rocks and rocks, trying to calm down. Calm down calm down calm down. He tries his breathing exercises (breathe in for five seconds, hold for five seconds and exhale for seven seconds) but they don’t work, and he just shudders for breath and hugs himself and hopes it will be over soon. He’s so useless.
And things only get worse when someone knocks on his office door. Sebastian jumps, his stomach jolting, and he hopes he won’t be sick.
“Sebastian, are you in there?”
It is Justine. What is she doing here?
Still, if anyone has to see him, he wants it to be Justine. She has helped him through many panic attacks, letting him bury his face in her neck and cry and then rubbing his back afterwards. She’s like a mother to him, and… he’s so grateful for everything she has done for him.
“Uh… y-yeah,” he says, barely able to get his words out.
“Are you all right?”
Sebastian heaves in a jagged breath. “N-No. Come… in.”
Justine opens the door and stares at him. “Oh, Sebastian, what happened?”
“Please s-stay,” Sebastian whispers, and he breaks down sobbing.
She crosses the room and stands right beside him. Instantly, Sebastian hugs her around the waist, burying his face in her robes and heaving in his breaths.
“Just try to breath, and you’ll be okay soon,” Justice say, rubbing his back.
And even though he’s having a panic attack and feels so scared and weak and useless, having Justine’s arms around him helps in a way he can’t possibly explain.