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Won't Say a Word

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Sheldon reached for Honey Puffs. It was that kind of morning. He considered sighing in contentment. Why not? Sheldon sighed in contentment. He heard the light footfalls of his roommate approaching.
 
"Good morning, Leonard!"
 
A moment later, Leonard appeared.
 
Sheldon dropped his Honey Puffs.
 
"Where are your clothes, Leonard?!"
 
"I am wearing clothes," responded Leonard in a low and husky voice.
 
True, he was wearing boxer shorts. Sheldon scrambled to pick up the spilled Honey Puffs. His eyes kept straying to Leonard's exposed legs and occasionally higher.
 
Sheldon's face was flushed. The rest of the blood in his body went straight to his crotch. He couldn't possibly stand up.
 
Leonard's face was suddenly inches away, he was prying the Honey Puffs from Sheldon's grip with one hand while the other rested on Sheldon's shoulder. He wasn't wearing his glasses. How could he see?
 
"Calm down, Buddy. I can help you," Leonard whispered into his ear. His hand slid down Sheldon's shoulder, down his back and came to rest on his buttock.
 
Sheldon looked into that familiar face. The square jaw, penetrating dark eyes, a wild mop of curly dark hair. He must have just taken a shower. Everything Leonard wore seemed aimed at drawing away from his natural handsomeness. Leonard smothered his attractiveness with too much hair gel, too many clothes... Leonard wore far too many clothes.
 
"Would you prefer I walk around like this?" asked Leonard with a sweep of his hand. Sheldon admired the broad chest and slim waist. Squatting in front of Sheldon put a strain on those Superman boxers. Just the slightest shift in position and all would be revealed. Sheldon felt light-headed, he leaned into his friend and roommate for support. Leonard lowered Sheldon to the floor and leaned over his prone body. Sheldon felt shy.
 
"There's no reason to be shy with me, Shelly. I'm your best friend."
 
"How do you know what I'm thinking?"
 
"I am skilled at reading facial expressions and other social cues that continue to baffle you."
 
Leonard's mouth was so close and so inviting. So sensual.
 
"Do you want me to kiss you now, Sheldon?"
 
"I'm feeling conflicted on that point."
 
"Why? You find me handsome and sexually arousing. Observing my body in a state of semi-undress gave you an erection. You know I'm skilled at coitus."
 
"That's only a theory."
 
"Sheldon," whispered the Bizarro Leonard, his breath hot on Sheldon's cheek, "You've heard the noises coming from my bedroom. You've heard the moans of ectasy, you've brought yourself to orgasm manually while listening to that rhythmic pounding..."
 
"You can't possibly know that!"
 
"You have no secrets from me. I know you want to engage in sexual congress with me. You long for a tactile examination of my features. You want me to stimulate you orally and digitally and perhaps penetratively..."
 
"You are demonstrably heterosexual."
 
"You know I'm a slave to social convention," Leonard stroked the side of Sheldon's face. His eyes were dilated with arousal but still held that warmth that soothed Sheldon. Leonard's eyes were always warm, even in this erotic heat.
 
"Are..." Sheldon couldn't finish the question, not out loud.
 
"I find you attractive. I enjoy your impressive height and low percentage of body fat. I find your disportionately large head arousing," Leonard paused, looking unsure, "Oh, and you have blue eyes which is a recessive trait and far less common than brown eyes or mutations of the brown eyed gene. And there's your Java applet writing..."
 
Sheldon tentatively pulled Leonard's mouth to his own.
 
"Leonard!!!"
 
It was out of his mouth before he was fully awake. Sheldon did a quick check to make sure he had not ejaculated during the dream. The last time he'd done laundry when it wasn't laundry night, he'd been subjected to a very concerned and probing Leonard. He had ended up yelling at Leonard for being neurotic and running away.
 
Sheldon pulled his comforter around his body, protectively. The dreams were getting worse, more blatantly erotic. He longed for a return to the train dreams that began this ugly chapter in his sleeping life.
 
 
 
The first dream had been so pleasant. Sheldon and Leonard riding along, hearing the clickey-clack, discussing Stephen Hawking's latest book, and then came the tunnel. A seemingly endless dark tunnel that the train was unable to pass through because it was too small. Or perhaps the train was too big. The train kept backing up and trying again. Each time they got a little farther but the tunnel was simply too small. When the locomotive finally pressed its way through, the roommates cheered and Leonard threw his arm around Sheldon's shoulder. He had the dream several times before mentioning it to Howard and Raj.
 
Raj's jaw dropped, "Dude..."
 
"Um, have you told Leonard about this dream?" asked Howard, his voice cracking.
 
"No. It hasn't come up."
 
Raj and Howard both laughed and then fell serious again when Sheldon demanded an explanation.
 
Apparently, Sheldon was having a recurring Freudian sex dream. About a man! His best friend! The man he relied on to provide half the rent and utilities!
 
"How do I stop them? I may never sleep again... You know I can't yawn in public! I need my rest!"
 
Raj suggested he look into a book of dream interpretation. Sex dreams could indicate a need for closeness or intimacy. Perhaps the dreams were indicative of an emotional need going unmet in Sheldon's id. Hokum.
 
"I had a crush on my cousin once," whispered Howard. It was difficult to hear Howard over Raj's laughter and repetition of the phrase 'your cousin' but Sheldon had near Vulcan hearing.
 
"So I didn't want to think of this cousin in that way so I paid her three bucks to eat a spider. Then the idea of kissing her was disgusting," Howard finished between glares at Raj.


 
Sheldon took deep breaths, thought of Leonard's grandmother naked and carving a turkey. His erection had nearly dissipated when Leonard knocked on his door.
 
Sheldon sat very quietly and hoped his friend would go away.
 
Knock, knock, knock.
 
"Sheldon?"
 
Knock, knock, knock.
 
"Sheldon?"
 
Knock, knock, knock.
 
"Sheldon! I'm coming in!"
 
Leonard burst through the door, his eyes wild. He grabbed Sheldon's chin and tilted his face into the light. His face was inches away, his breath was hot on Sheldon's nose. He was wearing Superman boxer shorts. Sheldon pinched the arm attached the the hand currently cupping his chin.
 
"Ow! You pinched me!"
 
"I wanted to make sure I wasn't still dreaming."
 
"Then pinch yourself!"
 
"Don't be silly, Leonard. You know how easily I bruise. Why are you on my bed and why were you touching me?"
 
"You yelled my name but you didn't come knocking on my door. I thought something was wrong. I thought maybe someone broke in again or you were sick or you fell..." Leonard's voice trailed off. Sheldon tried to read his face. Some form of discomfort.
 
"I just had a disturbing dream. I'm fine now."
 
"Good. I'm glad you're okay," he said while patting Sheldon's leg. Sheldon pulled his leg in to his body so abruptly that he made the smaller physicist jump.
 
"You seem a little jumpy," Leonard pointed out, "And that's taking your baseline jumpiness into consideration. Are you sure you're all right?"
 
Leonard's eyes were so kind and patient. He stayed with Sheldon for all these years. Everyone else had moved out right away. He was Sheldon's best friend. His first real friend.
 
"I'm sorry I fed you bugs."
 
Leonard looked surprised. Surprised at the apology or the change in topic?
 
"Why did you feed me bugs? And don't say for science!"
 
"It was something Howard said about his cousin."
 
"Not the one he had sex with?"
 
"Howard had sex with his cousin?"
 
"Uh-oh. I forgot you weren't there that night. Don't tell anyone, " Leonard pleaded. He put his hand on Sheldon's shoulder and looked him deep in the eyes, "please don't say a word."
 
"I won't say a word," Sheldon promised. Tomorrow he would do a google search on dream interpretation. Why had he ever imagined Howard Wolowitz could offer him a helpful suggestion? Howard a) thought with his penis and b) only had a master's degree.