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Blinded By Love

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Rafael was nearing 50, He had turned 48 earlier this year. He had noticed a few more grey hairs when he looked in the mirror. Rafael felt like he had to keep up his appearance, he had a younger man to impress. Dominick 'Sonny' Carisi Jr, Rafael's partner of 1 year. Sonny was 15 years younger than Rafael, the age gap had never bothered him before but the past couple of weeks, it had really got to him. He had always come across as this confident guy but inside?, he hated the way he looked.


Rafael had started working out more, eating smaller portions and he had stopped drinking coffee, well that's a lie, he had cut down. He didn't want Sonny and the rest of the squad putting up with a Rafael without coffee. 


Rafael had noticed that his eye sight hadn't been the best over the past couple of days but Rafael being Rafael brushed it to the side, nothing to worry about, he said to himself.

The squad were all in his office, one day when it became clear he couldn't keep pushing his deteriorating eye sight to one side. Rafael had been squinting at the laptop screen when Sonny asked "Rafa, you okay?, you've been staring at that screen pretty hard". Rafael shrugged it off, " I'm fine, just going through all the information again, making sure I don't miss anything" He replied, the topic of conversation changed after that, Sonny and Fin were talking about the latest baseball match or was it football? Rafael wasn't paying much attention. Had he really been staring that hard?.


One day in court it got really bad, Rafael had this excruciating pain in his head, again he shrugged it off. " Mr Barba?, anymore questions?" He looked up at the judge, She was blurry, he turned around to the squad, a mixture of concern and worry on their face. " Uh, No Your Honour." He looked down at the paperwork in front of him, he couldn't make out  what it said.  "Oh God"  Rafael lent forward, holding his head, the pain was getting worse. He could hear cries of people asking if he was okay. "I'm okay, I'm okay. Too much coffee" He laughed, nervously. He felt Sonny rubbing his back, he easily calmed him down. "Jesus, Raf, don't scare us, don't scare me like that!"  Sonny said sighing, still rubbing Rafael's back. He looked up at him and smiled, he was so gorgeous, Why was he with an old man like him? Rafael thought. "You guys go bring in Johnson, he's up to testify next, i'll be in my office" Rafael said, he kissed Sonny's cheek and before the worried squad could say anything, he was out of the courtroom. "Something's up with him" Fin said, to no one in particular "Well done for stating the obvious" Amanda replied sarcastically. Liv rolled her eyes at the pair of them, she put her hand on Sonny's back who was still looking at the door. "He'll be fine, he just needs to eat something, you go get Johnson, i'll take him some food" Sonny looked at Liv, giving her a weak smile "Thanks Lieu".

A couple of hours later, Fin, Sonny & Amanda were in the courthouse, preparing Johnson for the stand. "Where are they?" Amanda said looking around, right on cue there was Liv rushing through the doors. Sonny looked behind her for Rafael but no sign of his boyfriend. Liv shrugged her shoulders, "Carmen said he hadn't been back to the office, i called him, no answer. you guys go find him, if he's not here in  30 minutes the case will get thrown out"

Sonny was worried, he called him and no answer, he was in the middle of calling him for the 16th time when he finally answered "Raf?!, Raf talk to me, I'm so worried, please tell me what's going on" Sonny rambled on, "Sonny, I'm okay, i promise, everything will make sense when I see you, I'm sorry" and with that he hung up. Sonny stared at his phone confused, the rest of the squad joined him "Any luck?" Liv asked. Sonny nodded his head "He said he'll be here soon"

Sonny and the rest of the squad took their seats in the courtroom, all of them looking at the door every time it opened. "Where is Mr Barba?" The Judge asked the squad. Sonny stood up to answer her when his boyfriend walked through the big doors of the courtroom "Here, Your Honour, Sorry i'm late" Barba said placing his brief case down. The Judge nodded her head " Are you free to continue Mr Barba?" She asked, "Absolutely Your Honour" Rafael said nodding his head. 

He turned around to look sheepishly at the squad, they looked at him with very confused faces, he locked eyes with Sonny, he couldn't quite tell what emotion Sonny's face was.

After the court case was won, the squad walked over to him, big smiles on their faces " Great job Counsellor" Amanda said, offering her congratulations on the case, "Nicely fought Barba, and can i say?, nice eye wear" Fin said, raising his eyebrows at Rafael's new glasses.  Sonny stood at the back, obviously mad. After a hug from Liv  she said, " He's been worried Rafa, you need to explain. He nodded his head, walking past Liv towards his boyfriend. As he got closer, he could hear Sonny muttering something in Italian, he couldn't quite make it out.

Rafael and Sonny found some where to talk privately, Sonny stood with his arms crossed, clearly waiting for an explanation, Rafael took a deep breath. "I got glasses" He said. Sonny scoffed, "I can see that Rafael" Rafael didn't like it when he called him that, that meant he was very, very mad. Rafael looked at the floor. Sonny continued, " I've been worried sick, especially after in court, i thought you had collapsed  somewhere and all you needed was glasses, which means you've been keeping this from me for a while, why?. We don't keep secrets Rafael" Sonny shouted, his Staten Island accent became very clear when he was mad.  Rafael looked at the floor again, " I was embarrassed" He mumbled. "What?, couldn't hear that Rafael" Sonny said, arms still crossed, foot tapping excessively on the floor. "I was embarrassed!" Rafael shouted. "I'm nearly 50 Sonny, i've got grey hairs and wrinkles everywhere and now my eye sight is failing me!"  Rafael let out a sigh, he finally got it off his chest. He looked up at Sonny, waiting for the inevitable. 

Sonny stood there in shock for a second, then he unfolded his arms and walked over to his boyfriend, he placed his arms each side of Rafael's waist, " So?"  Rafael looked up at him. " So what Raf?" A look of realisation came over Sonny's face, " You thought i'd leave you didn't you?, you honestly think I'd leave you cos you need glasses. God Raf" before Rafael could answer, Sonny was kissing him, hard and full of passion, they both stumbled till Rafael's back was towards the wall. 

Sonny backed away from Rafael, breathlessly he said "I'm never gonna leave you, we're both old and grey Raf and the glasses?, they make you look fucking hot" A big grin spread to Rafael's face "Hot huh?" Sonny nodded eagerly, "My first thought when you walked into that courtroom was that I wanted to kiss the shit out of you, the second was that I was furious at you for not telling me, it was very confusing" Sonny said laughing, Rafael laughed too, "I'm sorry, no more secrets, i promise you" Rafael said, grabbing Sonny's hands. " Good, now come here"  Sonny said, pulling Rafael in for another kiss. As Sonny kissed his neck Rafael tried to say "Sonny, we're not having sex in the courthouse store room"  Sonny pulled away from him, "You gonna boss me about Counsellor?" He said, with lust in his eyes. " You really like the glasses don't you?"  Rafael said laughing. Sonny nodded his head " Really, REALLY like them, and you need to make it up to me, for keeping secrets" Sonny pulled his best fake pout. Rafael laughed again, " I suppose I do".  Sonny smiled and nodded his head.


Rafael would never keep a secret from his boyfriend again, he was so goddamn lucky, this man would be the death of him and as they made out in the courthouse storeroom like horny teenagers, Rafael thought " These glasses are the second  best thing to ever happen to me"  Sonny being the first, of course.