Kin-bonds are incredibly important to the Jotnar, more important than almost all else. Even for Loki, whom knows not of his origins, this is an undisputable truth. It matters not if somebody is kin by blood, adoption or marriage, if they are weak, defective or unusual, when somebody is family they are family. End of story.
And Family should come before all else, before everyone else. There should be unconditional love, and respect because all are equals in kinship. These things are instinct, and they are immutable, Loki knows this to the very marrow of his being…So why the hell does Thor act the way he does?
Others say that Loki is jealous of Thor, but they don’t have it quite right. Loki is jealous of those Thor interacts with. The way he is always so loving, friendly and respectful to his stupid friends and the thrice-damned Einherjar. Even strange maidens that he plans to use for the night get treated to this side of the beloved crown prince.
Thor is his family, and yet Thor only loves Loki when he wants something, any other time its ‘Know your place brother!’ Which doesn’t even make any sense! If they are brothers Loki’s place is beside him, yet…Thor says it as is the opposite were true…
He act’s as if Loki and his skills are worthless to him, ‘Tricks’ he calls them, Tricks! Spending years risking his life and limbs to master teleportation and then using it to save Thor's life in battle is just a trick?!?! Yet when Volstagg eats a whole boar it’s a Valliant feat! Worthy of sagas!
And Thor is always the first to join other in laughing at and belittling Loki when he should be defending him! And Loki…Loki just doesn’t understand! Why does Thor do this! It’s Wrong, his behavior makes no sense! It’s just wrong! wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong……..
Often Loki gets overwhelmed by the screams of wrongness in his body and mind and needs to seclude himself to calm down.
Loki spends a lot of time secluded.
His father upsets him too sometimes, but Loki reassures himself that it's probably accidental. The King is after all a very busy man, and it's normal for people to forget about quiet Loki when golden Thor is around hogging all the attention. But still it hurts…a lot… perhaps more than when Thor hurts him because he can’t anticipate it.
He has rituals to help calm him down when he gets to upset or overwhelmed. Sometimes he re-orders all his things in his room, especially his books, or he lines things up in neat little rows by size and color. It is very relaxing.
Other times he rocks himself like he’s still a baby being held be somebody. That’s the best. But his parents taught him very young that he must only do that in private. Loki doesn’t understand why but he obeys because he doesn’t want to disappoint them.
Loki makes sure to hug Sleipnir lots so that his son does not need to pretend.
His precious boy is such a bright and happy child. Still too young to speak in sentences, unable to understand the cruel things people say about him and Loki. Once he does, he will have a very hard time growing up in Asgard, which Loki feels immensely guilty about.
Loki shouldn’t feel guilty as his mother always reminds him, everyone knows that the builder raped Loki. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t want it, Thor even killed the man for his crime. Yet a few months later, some idiot made up a stupid story about Loki being fucked by the builder’s horse. Years later everybody still carries on as if it were the truth! Even Thor joins in when he knows it to be a lie, and that believing otherwise would mean that he murdered an innocent man.
Many times Loki has thought about leaving Asgard behind to raise Sleipnir elsewhere. Lots of people move away from their families, Loki knows this, he could love them just as much from further away. Yet… it just feels too wrong. He doesn’t want to leave his family, just the rest of the Aesir. He shouldn’t have to leave them, but his family isn’t doing a very good job of protecting him and Sleip, which then makes him itch to seek out a new home…. It’s all deeply conflicting
It has been a particularly slow day in the throne room;
Odin is hearing the common peoples petitions as he does once a month.
Thor is standing to the right ‘learning’ about his future duties. He’s not even pretending to listen, which is beyond rude in Loki's opinion, and defeats the purpose of Thor even being there.
Loki is… well Loki is there to keep up the pretense of him being second in-line to the throne. Even though he knows that the royal court would commit treason before they let him near the throne.
Loki spends this time listening to the common people and learning about their lives. They are much nicer and more interesting than the nobles in the palace. Sometimes Odin refuses their requests but Loki will go fix their problems with his magic later. Last month the free-school needed a new roof but the All-father refused to cover the cost. Loki went there the next day and used transmogrification seidr to turn the old roof into a strong ‘new’ one. It was a long and complex work but the people were very thankful, and many of the children were eager to play with Sleipnir despite being older than him. Sleip so rarely has playmates at the palace.
The last petitioner of the day was announced, Lady Fulla, which finally made Thor straighten up and pay attention. It was no secret that she and Thor were 'involved' earlier in the year until the lady moved to Vanaheim. Thor must be hoping to find his way back into her bed now that she has returned.
The lady makes her way determinedly down the aisle followed by a trio of servants toting baskets. Despite her grim expression, her golden hair and skin shine, combined with her generous curves and storm blue eyes she is a perfect match to Thor. Loki must fight to suppress a snicker at the realization that his narcissistic brother is attracted to women that look like him.
She curtsies low before the dais as do her servants whilst depositing their loads off to the ladies side.
“Lady Fulla, daughter of Jord. Rise and state your business” proclaims the All-father after a lengthy pause
“All-father, I am here today to permanently relinquish my claim of these here babes, children of Prince Thor.”
Children of Thor? Thor has babies? Oh this is wonderful! Loki exclaims delightedly inside his own mind.
His eyes zero in on the three little babes and the rest of the hall dims into the background. He did not even noticed his own feet carrying him over until he is crouching down to the left of them, leaving plenty of space for his brother.
The infants are a bit unusual looking but that matters not. There is a loud commotion behind him; talk of monsters or some such, but Loki isn't listening. His mind is already racing ahead to dreams of Thor and he raising their children together. They are cousins to Sleipnir and will be the best of friends! Thor will come to Loki for help and advice and Loki will teach Thor all he knows as the more experienced parent. Thor will mature and become kind and thankful, he will respect Loki for his assistance. Sleipnir will never have to be lonely!
The babes themselves are all adorably chubby and look so cozy in their little basket-nests. Loki simply cannot wait to snuggle with them!
Thor has not held them yet so Loki looks to his side to ask his brothers permission, or perhaps offer assistance. Loki can recall how afraid and unsure Thor was holding Sleipnir when he was this small and fragile.
But…Thor is not there next to him.
Thor is still up on the dais with their father talking to Lady Fulla
“The matter is settled then” began the King. “Neither of you shall face trial for incest, but all relations between you two are forbidden hence forth. The monstrosities resulting from your union will be cast out to Midguard, where they may be taken in by mortals or pass on mercifully to Helheim.”
Odin raised Gungir, but before he could strike it upon the ground to seal his ruling Loki found himself crying out to intervene.
“Stop! Stop! What are you talking about? These are Thor’s children!”
“Those disgusting things are no children of mine” Sneered Thor
“But…” Loki looked back at the triplets, eyebrows furrowing in confusion “They’re just babies, they haven’t done anything wrong…”
“They are deformed Loki” admonished Odin “Mottled skin, covered in hair, one blind! They are sick creatures from a sick union that should not have been. They have no place on Asgard. It is more merciful to let them go. My decision is final!” Gungir boomed on the marble floor, sealing the proclamation before Loki could utter another word.
Loki remains numbly kneeling there on the floor whilst the servants again took up the baskets and everyone exited the hall.