It put most of human behaviour in perspective, joining them on the ground. One of their kind. Taking part in their dirty struggle for survival.
Truly. The fact that during their short lifespan they could find the time to be kind to strangers was remarkable. Newly human, Cas was amazed to find himself the recipient of much of that magical kindness.
One aging woman went out of her way to give him an old sweater. It used to belong to my late husband. It’s not doing anyone any good lying in my closet catching dust. The local soup kitchen provided one warm meal a day, and a place to let some of the chill seep back out of his bones for just a bit. A nice young man bought him coffee every so often as long as he listened to his lecture on biblical verses. Castiel was happy to listen, and his diligent ear seemed to please the man.
But kindness could only get him so far. Dean’s money had run out weeks ago, and his now very needy vessel could not survive with just one meal a day. Not if he ever wanted to learn the skills that would make him useful to Dean.
He had to make more money.
Street corners, late at night, became his haunting grounds. Men who did not have kindness on their mind became his benefactors.
At first, every minor ache had distracted him. The way his stomach pestered him for more food, even though he had none. The way the cold made his fingers slow. The itch of the tag at the back of his sweater tickling his skin. But now, most were filtered into the background and ignored. It all remained a constant annoyance, but not it no longer hindered his work. He couldn’t fix them anyway.
His feet though. Those were hard to ignore. They ached, and didn’t stop aching. Every step reminded him of the fact that he was human.
A weak, unwanted, useless, and faded human. And as he kept to his corner, he was getting progressively more ... dirty.
He’d known about sex as an angel. Spend even a second on earth, and organisms were multiplying through sexual intercourse all around you. It was natural. It was a good thing. There was nothing wrong with having sex.
But selling the body God had granted him over and over again felt wrong. He was hijacking a process that was about pleasure and reproduction, about closeness, into a badly planned money making scheme.
Plus. He was sure Dean would disapprove.
Not that Dean had ever expressed a dislike of prostitutes or other sex workers. No. the hunter had respected them as he did any other profession. Had even lamented on how dangerous the job could get. Lone prostitutes out at night were often amongst the first to fall victim to monsters; be they human or creature.
Cas was just sure that Dean had expected him to find a way to survive that didn’t involve begging for money and food with his mouth and ass. He was failing at playing human. He’d failed before he even really started. That much was obvious.
Dean had known he’d be terrible at this. Had sent him away because of it. No need to keep someone around when all you have to do is continually teach them the most basic skills. He was a hunter, not a babysitter.
Cas glanced hopefully at the car slowing to a stop next to him.
“How much for a fuck?”
“50 dollars, sir.”
It was way too cheap, Cas realised when he saw the man’s eyes light up with greed. But he needed the money. He needed food and water that hadn’t been collected from a garbage can and a drainpipe.
No one else had stopped by yet tonight.
The car door opened.
“Get in. You got a room?”
“No sir.” Cas tugged the car's door shut behind him. The heat pushed through his clothes, and Cas focussed on that pleasure instead of the sour cigarette and rotten take away smell that permeated the cramped vehicle. “But I usually go to the Blue Moon motel.”
The man nodded, getting the car back in motion before claiming Cas’s thigh with a thin hand. Cas stayed still. He was a product now. Almost sold. He needed the money.
It was a short drive. The seedy motel too close by for the heater to drive the chill from his bones, but too far that the cold didn’t bite him once he got out of the car again.
He recognized Jake behind the counter. Jake was nice. He let Cas stay a full night in exchange for a blowjob once.
“Half an hour.” The John spat. Hurried. Shifty.
“One hour minimum, sir.” Jake always sounded bored, and the honorific sounded wrong. Probably meant to be ironic. Cas wasn’t sure.
The guy whipped out his wallet, and picked out a twenty on the first try - Cas always had to check the numbers a couple of times before he knew how much he’d been given - shoving the bill across the counter in exchange for a key.
“Third door on the right. Enjoy your stay.”
Cas followed meekly behind the thin man. Counting the doors as he passed them. One. Two. Three. One more at the end of the walkway. The door hidden behind a broken light.
“You got lube?”
The guy asked as he shouldered the door open to reveal a room identical to every other room in the motel. Boring. Blue. Castiel nodded, reaching into his pocket to pull out the bottle. It was expensive. He tried to use as little as possible each time.
The man grinned. The same greed from before etched into his face. He didn’t touch the light switch, and Cas knew better.
“Get on with it. I’m not paying you to stand around.”
Cas nodded. Stripping down quickly. Each item of clothing hung carefully on the room’s single chair. He knew the floor was dirty. He’d been fucked on it once. The gritty surface had burned his cheek and knees, but he’d been able to rinse that off in the shower afterwards. He didn’t have the time to wash his clothes.
As he pushed a couple of lube slick fingers inside of himself, Cas focussed on what he’d do with the money rather than what he was about to do for the money.
A hot meal. That’s for sure. Maybe some coffee. Another bottle of lube and some new condoms. He was down to his last three.
Luckily, the thin greedy eyed man had his own. Rolling the thin latex down his exposed dick. It looked like the rest of the man. Thin. Stretched out, and pale. Greedy.
“That’s enough. Want you to be nice and tight hanging from my cock.”
Cas nodded, bending over the bed when the nameless man pushed him towards it.
Penetration was quick and rough. Cas hissed at the burn, but he didn’t move. He’d agreed to this.
He’d agreed to let this man use him in exchange for 50 dollars. In exchange for food. For an hour out of the cold. For a shower. For clothes he was saving for. For drink that didn’t make him sick.
“Love this, don’t ya?” the man panted sweaty hands grabbing at his waist, and jeans scratching at his legs. “Bet that’s why you barely charge.”
Cas took the pounding, whining at the pace. He’d not used nearly enough lube. Stupid. But he couldn’t afford to ask the man to stop and use more. If he stopped this, he wouldn’t get paid. He needed to ge paid.
“Bet you’d do it for free.”
Cas shook his head. No. He needed the money. He didn’t do this for fun, and that made it worse. Dean wouldn’t think twice of having sex for fun.
“Bet you’d beg for it.”
He recognized the command there. Unclenching his teeth, he tried to obey.
The man’s thrusting grew erratic, his breathing puffing cold against Castiel’s back as he swore and exhausted himself coming deep inside the man he’d picked up under a flickering street light.
Cas waited. Not all his customers wanted the same thing. Most told him what they needed. Get dressed. Turn around. Get out. Clean up, whore.
“Ten dollars to lick me clean?”
Ten dollars. He’d have earned sixty tonight then. It was late. Perhaps Jake would let him stay if he blew him again.
He nodded, sliding off the bed and onto the carpet. The darkness made it less obvious that no one could tell what colour it had once been.
He stripped off the used condom, tying it in a quick knot and dropping it next to the bed. The taste of latex clung to the man’s skin, but at least he’d learned to take off the condom in such a way that most of the sperm was gone by the time he started licking. Latex was better than come.
Masked the stale sweat and musk on his tongue.
“Yeah. Get it clean. Don’t want my wife to smell your tight ass on me, do you?”
Cas didn’t know how to respond to that. Knowing that he was now a party in cheating made him feel sicker than the man’s unwashed cock did.
“Don’t want to lose a repeat customer, do you?”
Cas shook his head, licking diligently till he was shoved away. If the man was telling the truth, he’d have around 60 dollars a week. On top of his sem-regular customers - most only wanted a blowjob - he might start earning enough to save some money. Maybe he’d be able to actually buy his next sweater instead of stealing it.
“Yeah, you loved this. Can’t wait to get back on my dick. Fucking whore.”
Unsure of what he was meant to say to that, Cas just nodded, still on his knees in front of the other man, and acutely aware that he hadn’t been paid yet. Thick wallet still stuffed in the guy’s back pocket.
“You think I don’t see you eyeing my ass?”
Cas yelped as he was grabbed by the jaw. Thin face shoved into his own to spit cruel words at him.
“You think I’m ever falling that low, that someone like you gets a chance to fuck someone like me ?”
He tried to shake his head. All he cared about at the moment was getting paid, begging for a free night from Jake, and buying some real food.
“There’s a hierarchy here, bitch! And you’re at the bottom. Sex and drug addicts like you are barely even human.”
It stung. The truth usually did.
“You think you’re anything else than a tight ass, you fucking whore?”
“No.” Tears pricked at his eyes, and Cas felt just how vulnerable he was. Naked. On his knees.
Sure, he could probably call out for Jake or try to reach his phone to call the police. But he wouldn’t get paid if he did. And if he got the police involved, he’d be spending time in jail as well.
It was probably best to just ride this out and hope he didn’t end up too hurt.
“No! You’re a whore. A fucking whore. A fucking hole to fuck.”
He was spitting in his face again, flecks of spittle making Cas flinch. The guy’s fingers dug in harder.
“A hole for fucking hire. You piece of filth. You’re nothing without my dick inside of you. Nothing!”
He should have see it coming. Really, it was his own fault for being this stupid and careless. Cas yelped in shock as he was dragged up and shoved back over the bed.
“Legs wide, you useless waste of space. Wide!”
He was getting fucked again. Ok .Ok. He could do this.
The blunt press of the man’s cock like a livewire.
“Condom! Please. A condom.”
His own small stash of wrappers was too far away, useless to him under the man’s pressing weight. But the man paused, dick retreating even if he didn’t back up an inch.
“You’re right.” the crinkle of a wrapper was salvation. “Wouldn’t want to stick my dick into some dirty used up hole without protection.”
Cas now really regretted not using more lube earlier on. Didn’t regret splurgin on the silicone kind though. It had meant he hadn’t eaten that day, but it didn’t dry up nearly as fast. Penetration still burned. Already sore from the first fuck, this time it rubbed him raw.
It hurt. Good God it hurt. It hurt . It hurt. It hurt.
“Say thank you, bitch.”
The guy shoved his head down into the filthy covers, probably couldn’t even hear him parrot back the words.
“Better be fucking grateful for this. Taking the time to show you your place. Useless. Degenerate. Deviant.”
He couldn’t breathe. Pinned down and squirming like demon on the end of an angel blade.
“I’ll fucking ruin your ass. And then you’ll be nothing. Fucking nothing!”
The dull smack of jeans on skin echoed around the room, and Cas wondered what the other motel guests thought. The next door neighbours had to be able to hear him ranting.
“Addict like you. I could lock you in my basement and no one would miss you. One less mouth begging for food at the soup kitchen.”
Cas went limp, focussing his energy on breathing. Body jolting with the man’s punishing thrusts. He didn’t even care about the money anymore. He just wanted the guy to leave him alone.
Was it wrong to pray to your father in gratitude that someone else came inside your ass? Was it wrong that he was grateful that it was over? Elated?
He sucked in sweet air - another reminder of how far he’d fallen - and rolled off the bed; landing on his knees.
“Give me that mouth.”
The guy pulled off the condom, tossing it uncaring into a corner of the room, and took advantage of Cas’s need to breathe with his mouth open.
It was worse this time round. Latex and the chlorine tang of come bright on his tongue. A hand held him in place. Forced him to lick and suck till he was satisfied. Pushed him away with a disgusted sound, and Cas was happy to be let go at last.
To be left leaning against the bed with tears, snot, and come streaked across his face.
“Too bad our lovely hour is coming to an end. Or I’d teach you some more.”
Cas had never been more glad to pay an hourly rate for room. Panting weakly as he watched the man stuff his dick back into his jeans and zipping himself up again. Barely even looked like he’d broken a sweat.
Cas knew he looked terrible.
“You need me to drive you back to your spot, sweetheart?”
Cas flinched at the nickname. No way was he getting back into that car again. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.
The guy grinned.
“I give you everything your filthy mind wanted? Satisfied your crude desires?”
Cas didn’t answer, just licked his lips and waited. Jake probably wouldn’t mind if he went over the time limit a tiny bit to take a shower. The thin man reached behind himself again, pulling out his wallet.
“What was it again? Fifty for a fuck?”
He literally couldn’t remember what he’d asked, so Cas just nodded. Fifty was good.
“Really should be paying me for the privilege. But we all need to tell ourselves some pretty lies, don’t we?”
Cas didn’t move when bills rained down onto the floor. Singles. Fives. Twenties. He didn’t care.
“I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.”
The door dragged loudly as it opened and closed again, and Cas sighed a breath of relief. Wincing, he picked himself off the floor. Locking the door with the key, and the chain. Just in case. He’d look at the bills later. All he could handle right now, was a shower.