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Where The Hell I Went Wrong

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It's 8:00 at night, and Van is seated on Earn's crotch. Her arms are around his neck, and her eyes are looking deeply into his. Earn's irises jolt around, taking in everything in this very moment. Van's jaw clenches, even though she's not even on his cock. What am I doing, she thinks, breathing in sync with Earn underneath her.

There's no denying that both parties want the other, but to what extent? The ridge of Earn's cock gently slides back and forth against her, involuntarily, as she's just sitting there. She can feel how hard he is through his jeans. She's wet, too. But she wishes she wasn't.

They had been in this position for 4 minutes, following a very messy, very sloppy make out session. The scent of her coconut shea-butter mixing with his must and faint traces of cologne make her dizzy, but all the more aroused.

Finally, Earn says, "Van, do you want to do this?" It scares her, snapping her out of her thoughts. Earn's expression changed to that of slight concern, and why wouldn't it? They had technically broken up not too long ago, just a few weeks prior. And Earn came to her apartment again to look for something he left behind.

And in the midst of helping him, suddenly her hand was in his hand and his lips were on her jawline. She sunk back into him.

She wants to say she's not sure, because in a sense, she's extremely mad at this man. He broke her heart too many times, and didn't give her what she wanted out of this relationship. He used her, essentially. And she was more than that.

And she wasn't just going to use Earn to fuck just because she hadn't fucked in a while. That was messed up.

But then, a slight throb of Earn's cock makes her jolt up right, her eyes closing in bliss. Earn muttered "Shit" underneath his breath, holding onto either side of her waist. More shameful spools of wetness trickle down either sides of her womanhood before she knows it. Without thinking, she says "Yes, I'm sure."

Earn's eyebrows rise, then fall, and he moves her back slightly to undo his pants. She breathes harshly, her fingers lightly grazing into his shoulders. He's out of them in a second, and his cock points up to where it wants to go. Earn's calloused, dark toned hands push the light blue of her panties to the side. He gently slides her onto him, and the moment the tip meets her spot, she clenches around him and sighs.

Earn bears his teeth, furrowing his brows. "Ahh, fuck, baby.." He moans, burrowing his nose into the crook of her fragranted neck. His cock fills her up in all the right ways, just like it did the first time. Her breasts meet his chest, and his hairs welcome the bare skin.

She can feel him breathing on her neck, and how the roughness of his beard scratches against it. She pulls him closer, not denying one second of this. "Goddamn," She whimpers softly. Her hair, which had been pulled back into a messy bun, was starting to fall down into her regular thick natural look.

Then, Van feels elevated upward, all the way up to his tip, and then pushed back down slowly. Her juices race down his base like honey from a spool. She kisses the top of his forehead with her soft lips, and he kisses her neck, marking little trails as he moves her up and down on his cock.

She doesn't feel anything but lust and arousal, and she feels like shit because of it.

I wanna be in a committed relationship where I'm valued as a human being and not as an accessory you can fuck.

Her mouth opens wider when Earn plunges deeper into her, still not going fast, but going slow. Why are we fucking, she thinks. Earn came here to get some boxes, and now we're fucking like Touch my Body.

Mariah Carey's vocals pop in her mind.
"I can't sleep at night, when you are on my mind.
If there's a camera up in here then it's gonna leave with me when I do, I do.
You make me feel so....high....

This, this whole thing, she thinks, reads like a substance-less porno. She groans, rocking her hips into Earn's cock. Earn suddenly gasps, gripping tighter into her hips. Sweat drips off the corner of his eyebrow.

Her nipples harden, and once they do, Earn takes it as a sign to suckle them. She arches into his mouth, unaware how shameful and downright filthy she looks in the mirror. Her eyes are all the way shut, closing her self out of this regretful situation, and her rosy lips part often to let moans sneak from her throat.

A hand leaves the side of her waist, and grabs onto her left thigh, gripping tightly.

This definitely feels like a trap.

Van thinks to herself that she'll never do this again. Never ever. And she'll never let Earn do this to her again. And she'll never think about Earn, or cry about how used she felt in this relationship. And she'll never let a finger into her womanhood, curling and thrusting as she thinks about him. She'll never think about his smile, or how he sounds.

But then that hand from the thigh goes to that same area where she fucked herself with her hand nights before, his finger presses her clit, and she twitches, almost cumming onto his cock. He sees how she feels from it, and does more to her clit than pressing.

It's not a trap. It's no bullshit.

Maybe it wasn't a trap. Maybe it was an open invitation.

"Are you...are you gonna cum?" Earn asks, breathing in between. He doesn't sound passionate at all. He sounds just as lustful as she does. Just as blank and distant before, but still with that warm touch. But the way his voice can go deep and high at the same seductive.

"I'm clenching around your cock, what the fuck do you think?" She asks, angry at herself, and angry at him. He likes that anger, as apparent by his cock twitching deep in her walls.

"Well, I know Imma cum pretty....pretty...suh-sooon, oh, here it comes." He says, closing his eyes tight and pressing his lips against hers as his cock engorges inside of her, then releases, deep within her walls. Her walls clench tighter, desperate for the cum, desperate for all of him back. "Fuuuuuck, Vanessa..." He says her entire name, his lips then returning for more of her kisses.

She kisses back, still tight around his cock, and still mentally screaming at herself for her degradation. "I love you," She accidently says, unaware of what Earn would say, or wouldn't say back. She meant it.

I'm angry, but I still love you.

Earn pulls back from the kiss, raises his eyebrows, and kisses the side of her cheek, holding her close as he pulls out from her.

Wait a minute, this is too deep. Too deep....