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Anguish

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When Britannia reached the gates of Skyhold, she couldn't remember how she even got there. The journey was a blur. She felt both numb and pain. It was simply overwhelming. The hurt within her chest made it hard for her to even breathe. If only this was a wound that could be healed, but there was no cure for a broken heart.

She glanced up at the early morning sky. The beautiful mixture of pink, orange, and blue only seemed to make the ache within her chest worsen. How could today be filled with such beauty when she felt so miserable? Tears began to burn within those sad azure eyes. So many thoughts and questions raced through her mind. She had the answer to none. It was more than she could bear.

As she made her way through the gates, she headed straight to her quarters. She wanted to be alone but yet she didn't. She knew that the one person to make this hurt go away was the one who caused it...Solas. His name was enough to make her already broken heart crack a little bit more. She had no idea that their trip to Crestwood together would end so tragically.

His words still echoed in her head. The look of anguish upon his face as he made the decision to end their relationship burned behind her eyelids when she closed her eyes. She felt so many emotions. Confusion. Anger. Despair. There was one question she kept asking herself over and over...Why? It was clear it hurt him just as much as it hurt her, but why did he leave? It was question she desperately sought the answer to.

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She slowly climbed the stairs to her room. They seemed neverending and her feet seemed to get heavier with every step she took. She knew once she reached the top that Solas wouldn't be there waiting for her like he always was after a long day. It left a hollow feeling in her chest at the thought.

When she reached the top, she searched the room for any sign that he was there or had been there. There was none. She felt her heart sink into her stomach. The room was eerily silent. It was empty and lonely much like how she felt. She felt a stray tear trail down her newly-bared cheek. The elf wiped her cheek quickly. She was trying to stay strong. She refused to break.

She padded softly into her room. The only sound was her feet on the stone floor as she neared her full length mirror. She paused in front of it to truly take in her reflection. To finally see herself with no Vallaslin. She barely recognized herself. Her hands came up to trace her cheekbones where her markings once graced her face. She felt like a stranger within her own skin.

She knew she made the right decision when she chose to have them removed, but another part of her wished she kept them. She felt as if she betrayed her people because she was blinded by love. She felt disgusted with herself and her treacherous heart. She wished she didn't feel so deeply. She wished she could despise him for what he had done, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him. If anything, she loved him more even when he walked away.

The storm of feelings raged inside her. She was so conflicted. It was maddening. She let out a scream of rage and despair as she drew her hand back and punched the glass, shattering the mirror into pieces. She dropped onto her knees as she began to sob. She could no longer hold herself together.

She felt herself fall apart with nothing but the walls around her to hear her sobs. Her hand was warm with blood but she didn't care. The only pain she felt was her heart. Her anguish.