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Anything Like This

Summary:

My previous summaries were shit so here are some basics:
Scarlett Trevelyan can't open up emotionally
Commander Cullen can't open up physically

Now that she's Inquisitor, every shit person from her past suddenly wants to come back to haunt her.
Cullen pledged himself to the Inquisition. He needs to be strong, even if the nightmares are getting worse.

Scarlett could have never imagined a former templar helping her, nor Cullen a mage.

(New chapters sometimes come irregularly but expect me to update on weekends)

Chapter 1: First Impressions

Chapter Text

 

The tear in the veil was gone, the air around him no longer surrounded with green magic and demons. The rift was finally sealed and Cullen was relieved to spot Seeker Pentaghast wiping a sheen of sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand.

He approached her eagerly, "Lady Cassandra, you managed to close the rift? Well done."

She sighed and looked away to his confusion, then turning to reveal a woman, staring at her hand as it pulsed with a bright green glow. This was the prisoner he's heard so much about.

"Do not congratulate me, commander. This is the prisoner's doing."

He saw that it was a mage slowly walking towards him, yet her eyes were soft, surrounded by and array of freckles dotting her pale skin. She looked overwhelmed.

"Is it?" he said, "I hope they're right about you. We've lost a lot of people getting you here."

She scoffed, "You're not the only one hoping that."

"We'll see soon enough won't we?"

He turned his attention back to the Seeker, "The way to the temple should be clear. Leliana will try to meet you there."

"Then we'd best move quickly. Give us time, Commander."

The other soldiers began to scurry, and he hurried to catch up with them.

"Maker watch over you-- for all our sakes."

That was on the field, a brief second after battle where Cullen barely had time to study this woman, that they now call Herald of Andraste, properly. He didn't see her much again until they called for a meeting in the chantry with all advisors present. The Herald and Seeker Pentaghast walked into the room. Again, this woman looked overwhelmed, but engaged, nonetheless.

Cassandra motioned to him, "You've met commander Cullen. Leader of the Inquisition's forces."

"It was only for a moment on the field," Cullen tried to give a genuine smile, "I'm pleased you survived."

She raised a brow, as if she was surprised to hear him say such a thing. Can she tell he was a ex-Templar already? Cassandra introduced Leliana and Josephine before moving to the matter they met here to discuss. Half the time, the Herald was staring at him in a way he couldn't describe. She must've suspected his background, for it wouldn't be the first time a mage has sensed him out. Most of the mages he came into contact with so far distrusted him immediately. The eye the Herald was giving him right now wasn't much different than the expressions seen by many of those mages. It unsettled him temporarily, but didn't distract him. He had enough to worry about at the moment, and they could learn to get along some other time.

 


 

Scarlett Trevelyan was particularly intrigued by this Commander Cullen. He seemed dignified, a classic military man, very handsome too, she might add. It was no shock to her he was a Templar either, she could tell even when they first met on the field. The way he fought, or simply carried himself on the training grounds, surveying the soldiers, screamed of a former life in the Circles. She decided to talk to him, to sate her curiosity of him by asking him some questions, if he'd let her.

"We've received a number of recruits-- Locals from Haven and some pilgrims," He wasted no time. It's as if he saw her approach he started so fast, "None made quite the entrance you did."

She hummed and shook her shoulders, "At least I got everyone's attention."

Falling from the damn fade is some entrance, alright. Scarlett was still a little shaken up about it.

"I was recruited into the inquisition in Kirkwall myself. I was there during the mage uprising-- I saw first hand the devastation it caused," he told her as they strolled toward the other end of the training grounds. A messenger quickly handed him a slip of parchment and he began to examine it as they went, but Cullen kept on talking as if it was nothing.

"Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the templars to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse."

"The Conclave destroyed, a giant hole in the sky-- things aren't looking good."

"Which is why we're needed," Cullen then began to give her quite a speech, "The Chantry lost control of both templars and mages. Now they argue over a new divine while the breach remains. The Inquisition could act when the Chantry could not. Our followers would be part of that. There's so much we can-"

He paused, rubbing the back of his head, "Forgive me. I doubt you came here for a lecture."

She smiled. In some weird way it was... endearing- how passionate he was about all of this. The Inquisition must mean a lot to him. He looked pretty cute as he scratched the back of his head. Scarlett had already flirted with Cassandra prior to this moment. What's the harm in teasing this fine commander? Maybe he'd even like it, Templar or no.

"No, but if you have one prepared I'd love to hear it."

He chuckled, "Another time perhaps."

Scarlett expected another response, but nothing was coming forth, so she kept grinning until her eyes landed on the scar above his lip. That part of him is pretty hot, too.

"I-ah..." the Commander cleared his throat. Aw, being shy now, is he? That's rather adorable, "There's still a lot of work ahead."

"Commander, Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines," a soldier but in.

Cullen smirked as he turned from her, moving on to see this report, "As I was saying..."

Scarlett couldn't deny how hot that little movement was. Dammit, she can't be distracted so much by this Templar-- she's got work to do!

____________________

 

The Herald of Andraste was an enigma to Cullen. Scarlett Trevelyan always seemed so sure and so smug for every little thing she did. Everywhere she walked she acted liked she owned it, and left a permanent mark. Her being a mage didn't frighten him as much as he thought it would. She was a decent person at the least, confident and clearly unafraid of her magical abilities, but didn't boast, and cared for others needs just as much as her own. It was the little things, helping someone pick up things they dropped or held the door open, that told him that. Varric told him one day he should pop by the tavern when she's there because of how fun she is when she's drinking and flirting with pretty boys. Cullen decided he would possibly consider it... carefully.

He only hoped Varric wasn't speaking of him.

Speaking of flirting, Cullen would also overhear the chantry sisters and female recruits gossip in hushed whispers about her-- how she was almost too pretty to be in her situation, that she looked more like a whore, rather than a symbol of the faithful. He didn't agree with them though. Sure she was a beautiful woman but if she were a whore, she'd already have been completely slandered and chastised by every chantry member at Haven, chancellor Rodrick especially.

Cullen was thinking about these things as she approached him one day after she returned from the Hinterlands.

"Herald," he greeted, sounding a bit colder than meant.

"Hello, Commander. Are you well?"

"Yes, thank you. Did you need something?"

"I've been meaning to ask you something, though I think I know the answer, I just want to be sure."

"Of course," he tried to make those words more light in tone.

She tousled her mid-length locks, revealing a long scar on the side of her face, just past her brow. He wondered how it got there

"Am I of any trouble to you? Being a mage and all, I know the Herald of Andraste being a mage probably isn't your best thought."

Cullen expected this would come up. Luckily, he had a response ready for her,

"No- not at all. I'll admit, I've treated mages with distrust, at times without cause. That was unworthy of me. I will try not to do so here, with you most importantly."

"Thank you," she seemed at a loss for words, "I... think that may be the nicest thing a Templar's ever said to me."

"I'm not a Templar anymore, my lady."

"Let me take what I can get."

Cullen beamed, before turning his attention to a recruit who just fell on his bottom due to a blow from a shield. He barked an order before tuning back to the Herald, stumbling upon the awkward silence that had formed. He tried to change the subject,

"You traveled some distance to reach Haven. You're from the Circle in Otswick?"

"I was. It's exciting-- being away from that life, being somewhere new. Maybe that's selfish, given what's happened."

"Cullen didn't agree. People should take what good things they can from troubled times like these.

"No it's... only fair, I suppose. We are grateful for your assistance,"

He doesn't know how, but they then got into talking about the templars-- his life as a Templar, specifically.

Cullen found he enjoyed simply talking to the Herald. Perhaps she was just easy to talk to, and perhaps why the others grew a liking to her.

"The knight-captain spoke to my parents on my behalf. They agreed to send me for training. I was thirteen when I left home."

"I was too, when I was forced into the Circle, I mean."

"What a coincidence."

Scarlett quickly countered up, "I wasn't sorry to leave home, not necessarily."

"Why not?" he asked, "You are noble. Didn't you have your family?"

"Just my father. My mother died when I was very young."

"Oh... I-I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I was only five when she died. I don't have many memories of her."

Cullen thought it'd be normal to mention his parents were gone as well, "My parents died during the blight. I was stationed in Ferelden's Circle at the time."

Her eyes lightened up in curiosity, "You were in Ferelden during the blight? What happened at the Circle tower?"

"Few who survived the blight have fond memories of that time. I... would prefer not to speak of it."

She looked down, brows furrowed, "Oh, I didn't mean to pry."

"It's alright."

He stared around aimlessly, now that the air was tense with no other words being shared, not until the Herald coughed, walking backward slowly.

"You should... get back to work. I'll see you later, Commander."

Cullen nodded, watching as she headed for the stables. Memories from the Circle began to vaguely flood through his mind. The demons, the blood, the screaming. He felt it again, the thirst. His mouth was suddenly too dry to bear, and once again desired the taste of lyrium. He shook his head, trying to think of something else, anything else. It wasn't very long until the sounds of clanging swords and shields brought him back, the new scent of cold, mountain air. It always did, eventually.

Chapter 2: Nicknames

Summary:

Varric notices something about the commander and the herald

Chapter Text

 

When Scarlett first met the Commander, she thought she'd read him like a book just as she had done everyone else so far. She did at first, but as she talked to him and got to know him better like she did the other day, there grew this nagging feeling that there was something else about him. Scarlett couldn't pinpoint it directly, but something inside her was trying to tell her something whenever she'd spot him around Haven or at the war table. He was fun to flirt with, with how flustered he would get, but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary either. She flirted with everyone, so there was no telling why there was that funny feeling.

The night before she and her party were to leave for the Hinterlands again, Scarlett was drinking at the tavern, as she'd done almost every night since she arrived. She sat alone at a table, tankard in hand before Varric approached her and took an empty seat.

"So, your Heraldness, I have some nickname options for you. Usually, I don't let people pick, but for you, I'll make an exception."

They were talking about this about a week ago. Scarlett noticed Varric called Cassandra 'Seeker', Solas 'Chuckles' and Iron Bull 'Tiny' ironically. She asked Varric if he'd give her one, and he said he'd think about it. She honestly thought he'd forgotten about it by now, but apparently not.

"You can choose from these three names: Lioness, Red Velvet or Freckles."

She scrunched her nose, "I get the other two, but why is lioness an option?"

Varric shook his head, "Tsk tsk tsk, I don't think I should tell you."

"...Why?"

"...reasons."

"Well, now I'm too curious."

The server came by with a drink and placed it in Varric's hand.

"Is it because I'm powerful? Frightening? Like a lion?"

"Uh... sure, yeah that's it," he said before nearly shoving half his face into the keg.

"You're lying but whatever. I'll go with..."

Scarlett thought about the things her friends called her in the circle. Most of the boys called her 'red' and some of her close friends called her 'freckles' when they wanted to tease her a bit. Lioness though. Out of every powerful animal there was why would Varric go with a lion in particular?

Is it becaus- wait a second...

Scarlett went to bring a message to the commander last night in his quarters. What did she discover there?

He had a fucking lion helmet to complete his set of armor he wore every damn day.

Thank the Maker she'd never seen him wear it. Varric must've seen the realization in her face because he began to laugh as he sipped his drink.

"You're a little shit, Varric. Could you imagine the look on his face if you called me that right in front of him?"

He was laughing much harder now, nearly out of his chair at this point, and Scarlett couldn't help but giggle along.

"C'mon that'd be a nice nickname for you, we know he's interested in you at the very least."

"Is that right?"

"He looks at you whenever you're near like a helpless puppy. I've seen a lot of expressions on Curly, but not that one."

Scarlett didn't think he'd stare because he was interested, for other reasons maybe. Nice ass, nice chest, all that rubbish. But... Curly?

"Wait... you call him Curly?"

"Let's just say I don't think the Templar's used any hair products other than soap and water in Kirkwall."

She laughed because it was funny to imagine a man so disciplined as the Commander secretly styles his hair.

"If you're going to call me Lioness then wouldn't you at least change his nickname to Lion or something?"

"You can never just change nicknames, once they're there, they stick forever."

"Well, you're not calling me Lioness forever. I honestly prefer 'The Almighty Herald of Andraste' to that."

"That's too long and complicated, I think Lioness may just have to do," Varric said sarcastically.

She groaned "No, don't start."

He shrugged his shoulders,  "Too late, I've decided. When you're happy, maybe I'll call you 'Freckles', if not, 'Lioness' it is."

Varric then proceeded to grab his tankard before leaving the tavern, giving Scarlett a smug wink as he went through the door into the cold. Well, shit. Now she had to make the effort to keep her and Varric's conversations as far away from the Commander as possible so as to avoid any perpetual embarrassment.

Chapter 3: The Iron Bull

Summary:

The Commander visits the tavern one evening, stupidly, and witnesses something that makes his blood boil.

Chapter Text

 

Cullen didn't really want to go to the tavern that evening, but Varric somehow managed to talk him into it, or should he say bothered him until he finally agreed. He hadn't had a drink in what felt like ages anyway, maybe it'd take a bit of the edge off for a while.

When he first walked in, it made him remember why he hardly ever went to the tavern in the first place.

Sera was on a table, yelling about Maker-knows-what and it gave him an immediate headache. He never understood a word she said anyway, not since she arrived with no clear purpose or profession. The Iron Bull's chargers were nearly about to knock another table over, but oddly enough, their leader was nowhere in sight.

Varric patted him on the back before joining Sera at her end of the tavern, perhaps to calm her down.

He spotted Josephine and Leliana sitting at a nearby table and made his way to what seemed like the only group with half their mind still intact.

"Ladies," he greeted.

"Good evening, Commander," said Josephine, extending out the chair next to her.

Both women had drinks sitting in front of him, prompting him to order one for himself once he sat down.

"I didn't see you as the type to drop by," Leliana commented.

"I can indulge every now and then."

The server came by with a very full tankard, more than he wanted, but he drank the contents appreciatively.

Cullen scrunched his nose when he spotted the Herald walk in and approach the bar, Iron Bull following close behind. He almost lost his footing trying to keep up with her, and when she turned around it was clear she was short-tempered. Bull grabbed her shoulder for only a moment before the Herald swatted it away.

Varric motioned her over to where he was, and she approached gladly, drink in hand with Bull still on her tail. Then he saw Bull lick his lips as he stared at... her bottom?

"I was gonna ask you something, but I think this guy's trying to get something from you," Varric said.

She leaned over a chair on her forearms, "Just ignore him. He's wasted and doesn't know a hint from a rage demon."

Bull laughed, "Rage demons are reeeed, boss. You know what else is red?" He slouched himself over the table, nearly falling on her.

She took a sip of her drink and answered with heavy sarcasm, "I have no clue, apples?"

"Your head. Did I tell you that I loooove redheads."

"Didn't I tell you to let me drink in peace, please?"

"Boss, I've seen the looks. You can't say you haven't flirted; you flirt with everyone."

"So? That doesn't mean I automatically want sex. Can't I just call it being friendly? Funny?"

"It's called teasing."

She scoffed, "Only when I want it to be. And I'm sure as hell not wanting to tease you."

He stood all the way up, towering over her with his massive Qunari frame, "You say that now, but I give you one week before you're begging to ride the bull."

Bull then wrapped his massive arm around her waist, trying to pull her closer to him, but the Herald, not as drunk and not that dumb, whipped around and grabbed the arm firmly. Fire seeped from her palm and he jerked his arm away as soon as he felt the flames. Not even enough heat to give him a mild burn, but enough to make him pull away.

The Herald stepped away, "Touch me without my permission again and you're dead," before storming out the door and in the snow, alcohol in hand, drinking much faster.

That whole scene made Cullen's blood boil. He didn't understand men who couldn't see rejection when it was so clearly in their face. He gave the Qunari some leeway because he was drunk, but that could only go so far, if hardly at all.

Meanwhile, said Qunari was shaking his head while Varric looked slightly terrified by it all.

"And now you know not to seduce her while drunk." he couldn't help but laugh.

The words fell out of Cullen's mouth before he could process them,

"Sounds like she doesn't want you to seduce her at all."

Varric took notice of his bothered tone, "Jealous, are we, Curly?"

Bull came up to his table and leaned on it.

"She'll come around. No redhead as sexy as her is gonna resist for too long."

Leliana chimed in, "But she is the Herald of Andraste, you know?"

"Well she's not some holy saint either. Bet she's never done a Qunari. I'd be a good first for her, and she knows."

Bull downed the rest of his drink, "That and I've never done it with a mage before, makes me wonder what else she'd burn with that magic of hers."

Soon after one of the chargers, Krem, came by and dragged Bull away from to join his own group, but not before he started stumbling and laughing again, "Mhmm, redheads!"

Cullen suddenly wanted to drink even more than before, regretting even more that he complied to Varric's request. He wasn't jealous as he had teased because that'd just be childish. Cullen could care less if Bull... did anything with the Herald. Of course, he wouldn't advise it if that did happen, but he had no say in the matter.

He was angry, but he wasn't jealous.

He couldn't be, right?

Chapter 4: The Seeker

Summary:

Scarlett usually can't help but notice and tease the attractive people she meets in Haven. Today, the attractive one happens to be Seeker Pentaghast.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett woke up the next morning with a mild hangover. The drinks she had last night didn't help her forget that shitty harassment from yesterday. She only hoped Bull had acted like that because he was drunk, because she actually quite liked him before. He was charming, funny, and hotter than any Qunari she'd seen, not that she'd seen many. That all might be ruined now, but thankfully, Scarlett didn't have to worry about it for long.

As she was heading toward the gates to speak with Cassandra, Iron Bull stopped her in her tracks.

"Hey, boss. Got a second?"

She didn't face him yet, for she wasn't exactly pleased with him right now.

"This better be good. I'm not-"

She heard him move closer, "I know, I know. I fucked up last night, I'm sorry. Varric told me most of what happened because I barely remember any of it."

He scratched the back of his head, and his expression showed genuine concern. It eased Scarlett's mind a bit.

When she turned around to face him, they were only a few feet apart. His frame surrounded her effortlessly, but she didn't feel threatened like she did last night.

"Look, I like consent, I need consent. You'd find me dead before I hurt anyone in the bedroom..." His tongue pressed against his cheek and he looked at her steadily, "Not unless they want me to."

A blush tried to creep up on her face, and Scarlett resisted it as best she could.

"... I believe you, I suppose, but harass me like that again and I'll give you worse than a burnt arm."

Bull put his hands up and smirked, "Of course," before heading up the stairs towards the chantry.

Scarlett still wasn't too sure of this Qunari, but Maker was he sexy. She mentally hit herself as she though about it. In the two weeks she's known him, he'd never done anything to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable, even when she flirted. It must've just been a drunk thing. Which was good, because Scarlett would've very much liked to keep enjoying Bull's company.

As he went, she found herself looking at his back, those huge arms, maybe his ass.

...Great.

She managed to snap out of it and return to her original task at hand, making her way to the training grounds. Scarlett found the Seeker by the dummies, as usual, but was sitting on the ground instead of wacking them with her sword. Cassandra had gotten to know Scarlett, but Scarlett knew almost nothing except she was a seeker, a warrior, hated Varric, and constantly looked like a storm cloud. She was pretty damn hot, though.

Ever since things started becoming semi-normal between them, she couldn't help but notice how incredibly attractive the Seeker was. Scarlett didn't get her hopes up because she something told her she didn't seem like the kind of person who'd be into the fairer sex. That didn't stop her from some friendly flirting, though. She'd pushed her buttons a couple times before, and the reaction was always amusing. The Herald and Cassandra talked for a bit about their next excursion before Scarlett decided to change the subject. It occurred to her she barely knew anything about the Seeker.

"I'd like to get to know you better," she stated. It wasn't a request.

"You would?" she almost spat, like that it was surprising to hear.

Scarlett laughed, "Is that a problem?"

"Not entirely. I'm just curious as to your motivation."

"Is there any harm in us becoming a little closer?"

"Plenty."

She stepped forward slightly, prompting Cassandra to stand up, "Is that right?"

"Ugh. As you wish..."

Cassandra began to tell her the basics, where she's from, et cetera. They got into what she did as a Right Hand of the Divine, how she became the Right Hand, where Scarlett was prompted to ask,

"But what is the story about you becoming the right hand?"

"Sweet Andraste do you really want to hear that? It was what-- eighteen, twenty years ago? Some still discuss it like it happened yesterday. The tale gets bigger each time it's told. I barely recognize myself within it now."

Scarlett smiled, "I'm sure you're just being modest."

The Seeker snorted, "I was there. I think I know what happened. To hear others tell it, I alone saved Divine Beatrix from a horde of dragons sent to assault the Grand Cathedral. Rather impressive for such a young seeker, wouldn't you say?"

"And the truth is?"

"I stumbled upon a conspiracy to kill Beatrix. A Templar knight-commander was at its heart. And there was a dragon battle at the Grand Cathedral, but I had help from loyal mages who rallied to the cause. They freed the dragons from magical control. Without them, the Divine and I both would have died. Yet I became the right hand, and they are forgotten."

Cassandra seemed like a raging grump on the outside, but inside she was modest and selfless. Beautiful too, Scarlett wondered if she knew that. It wouldn't hurt to tell her.

She sounded more breathless than she meant to, "You're delightful, you know that?"

The Seeker scowled, "No, I do not know that."

"Mm-hmm," Scarlett bit her lip teasingly.

Cassandra clearly wasn't amused, "I object. There is nothing "delightful" about me,"

Scarlett couldn't tell if she was flustered or annoyed.

"I beg to differ."

She sighed, "I think I preferred you in the stocks."

Scarlett couldn't hold back the laugh that came forth as she spoke, "I'll let you get back to work."

The Seeker shook her head and walked in the opposite direction, far away from training ground, presumably, if Scarlett were to continue her teasing. As she stood and watched her storm off, she suddenly got a nagging feeling. There was a pair of eyes on her, and out of the corner of her eye, she could've sworn she someone was looking at her. Her head turned to see the Commander on the other side of tents, a grumpy expression stretched across his face. He was surveying the soldiers rather oddly, glancing quickly from one to the other, as if he wasn't really watching them at all, trying really trying hard not to look at anything else.

Did he see them talking, perhaps? Though, that couldn't explain why he was acting so weird...

Notes:

Ooooh, jealous Cullen???

Chapter 5: Staring

Chapter Text

 

Cullen couldn't sleep without nightmares of Kinloch, Kirkwall, and other fears manifesting inside his mind. Though he couldn't escape him, they always sneaked up on him somehow: the screams of his friends as the abominations tore into them, the demons sifting through his thoughts, tempting him with the one thing he always wanted but could never have...

He woke with a strangled gasp, sitting up and grasping at bed sheets to confirm this was real, that he wasn't back at Kinloch being tortured, not watching his fellow templars die. He wasn't a Templar anymore, he was a Commander and he was in Haven, not the Circle. When he was sure he wasn't dreaming anymore, he sighed and flopped on his back again, arm draped over his face.

Cullen thought, when was the last time he didn't have bad dream?

He couldn't recall such a time.

The majority of his morning was spent trying to shake his mind off of the previous evening. For once, he hoped that someone had a pile of reports waiting for him so he could keep his head occupied. As Cullen approached his usual spot, he saw that the Herald and her party were preparing their horses and supplies. They were heading to meet the mages in Redcliffe. He watched as she was bantering with Iron Bull and Sera, laughing about Maker knows what, but his eyes only focused on her expression.

Her laugh was bright and warm, and suddenly he couldn't focus on anything else despite how hard he tried. Cullen thought she was attractive before by any physical standards, but now he was realizing the true extent of her beauty. It wasn't long after he started looking at her that he found himself smiling.

There was a feeling in his heart that he couldn't explain.

Wasn't there something he wanted to take his mind off of?

His eye caught Bull, who was pointing at him and smirking at the Herald. She followed his finger until she saw Cullen and began to laugh again.

Oh no, this is bad. He needed to escape. Before he could a soldier approached rather quickly and put a report in his hands.

"From Lady Pentaghast, ser," he said before moving on. Paper in hand, Cullen walked as fast as he could further into the camp, cowering behind one of the tents to avoid dealing with the notion that the Herald had saw him staring at her and laughed. For a moment, he was safe behind the tent, as he heard no footsteps approaching him, just the sounds of the swords and shields clashing in front of him. Cullen buried his head in the report, trying only to focus on what Cassandra had wished to inform him of. Then Trevelyan's head poked around the corner, "Morning, Commander."

He jumped back, and the report flew out of his hands he was so startled. It landed softly in the snow, but it'd probably be soaked by the time he picked it up again. Meanwhile, she just continued laughing her head off. Cullen rubbed the back of his head, and he couldn't even manage to look the woman in the eye.

"Hello, Herald," he said grumpily

She came around the tent, hands behind her back, taking slow steps with a wide grin.

"Did I scare the Commander too badly?" she said jokingly.

He bent down and picked up the piece of paper and shook it out, "I just... wasn't expecting it."

"Mhm. Well, I hope I don't scare you too much."

Cullen finally looked up at her and still was that smug smile, "You... ah-"

"You can stare at me all you like. I don't mind."

She winked. Backing away slowly, that cocky expression lingered on.

"I should be off. I'll see you when we return?"

He wanted to nod, say yes, anything else, but he suddenly couldn't do anything after she had just winked while looking at him like that. She returned to the stables after that and Cullen couldn't help but hit himself mentally. There was a snigger from nearby, and he darted his head towards the noise.

The soldiers had stopped in their tracks and were staring at him. Staring at him and sniggering.

"Get back to training, all of you!" he barked, and the soldiers turned away almost immediately. Now he'd embarrassed himself beyond compare. He watched as the Herald and her crew mounted their horses and set off. When they were past the camp and out of his line of vision, Cullen still smiled to himself about one thing despite being humiliated in front of his soldiers.

Though she'd strutted away with confidence and satisfaction, there had been a deep red blush across her cheeks.

Chapter 6: Free Mages

Summary:

Scarlett and Dorian begin their epic best friendship, Cullen is angry boi

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett was very happy with her decision to accept the Mages at Redcliffe as free allies. It was the only good part of that day, considering the rest was spent time traveling in their supposed bleak future. The dapper mage that came along was pretty decent too, however. Though she knew her choice wouldn't be popular with everyone, the reaction was anything but what she expected when they returned to Haven.

"If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best, tyrannical at worst," she overheard the ambassador as she approached the group.

Cassandra was obviously annoyed, but that wasn't unusual, but Commander was beside Josephine, looking like a storm cloud just flew over his head

He saw Scarlett and spat, "What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The veil is torn open!"

She was a little surprised to see him this angry. What about what he had said, that he'd treat mages better?

"We need them to close the breach. It's not going to work if we make enemies of them."

"I know we need them for the breach, but they could do as much damage as the demons themselves!"

"Enough arguing!" The seeker cut in, thankfully, "None of us were there. We cannot afford to second-guess our people. The sole point of the Herald's mission was to gain the mages' aid, and that was accomplished."

A voice was heard from behind the seeker. Out from behind one of the chantry's beams came Dorian.

"The voice of pragmatism speaks! And here I was just starting to enjoy the circular arguments."

"Closing the breach is all that matters," said Cassandra, looking back at the Tevinter mage.

Scarlett figured this was the time to emphasize on that thought, "I got a taste of the consequences if we fail. Let's make sure we don't."

"We will not fail."

"We should look into the things you saw in this ‘Dark Future.’ The assassination of Empress Celene? A demon army?" Leliana brought up.

Dorian cut in dramatically, "Sounds like something a Tevinter cult might do. Orlais falls, the Imperium rises. Chaos for everyone!"

Cullen said something else about preparations, but her mind had tuned out by then until the point when he started speaking to her again, "Join us. None of this means anything without your mark after all."

Just the mark?

"And I'd hope to sit out the assault on the breach. Take a nap, maybe go for a walk."

"What is it they say?" he said quieter, "'No rest for the wicked?'"

"I'll skip the war council, but I would like to see this Breach up close if you don't mind," Dorian suggested.

Scarlett turned to him, surprised, "Then your... staying?"

"Oh, didn't I mention? The south is so charming and rustic. I adore it to little pieces."

She couldn't contain the smile that formed.

"I guess there's no one else I'd rather be stranded in time with. Future or present."

"Excellent! But let's not get 'stranded' anytime soon, yes?"

She was happy to see he too was smiling with her.

Cullen was the last to speak before they split up, "I'll begin preparations to march on the summit, Maker willing, the mages will be enough to grant us victory."

Dorian and Scarlett stayed behind as the rest of the advisor's headed to their respective offices.

He stepped closer to the her and asked, "Amazing, don't you think?"

"What is?"

"I've watched the way you show yourself. You were thrown into all this, quite literally, yet you simply get up, brush yourself off, then walk and talk like the whole room bows to your every tiny whim.”

"And you find that particularly amazing?"

"Your entire life was changed with a blink of an eye, an actual blink, I must emphasize."

"Varric's already asked me about that."

"And your response?"

"I have no fucking clue what's happening anymore, honestly."

Though that was still partly true, things have gotten easier for Scarlett to comprehend as time's gone on. Maybe it was the long, sleepless nights in the Hinterlands where she'd just lied there and thought about everything that's happened within the past month alone. The past year had already been enough.

Dorian laughed, "Wonderful! Our great savior is just as baffled as the rest of us."

She was beginning to really like this Dorian fellow. The way he fought, talked with her and the inner circle, it almost reminded her of Nerianna. She would speak to the senior enchanters and Templars in a similar tone... Scarlett quickly pulled her thoughts away from the elf, as she had almost mastered doing at this point.

 

Later that evening Scarlett grabbed a drink with Dorian at the Tavern to take a breather and get to know him better. She didn't find it rather odd a Tevinter wants to aid an Andrastian organization in the south. He was probably declared a heretic in his homeland. Though, it wasn't so far off from what the Inquisition was not long ago.

"Ah how the world is changing," he began, leaning over the bar, "The Inquisition supports free mages. What's next? Elves running Halamshiral? Cows milking farmers?"

The bartender pushed a tankard in Scarlett's direction as she chuckled, "Give me time. I'm sure I'll surprise you."

"I suspect that's untrue... unless you strip yourself naked and allow the Chantry to flog you into repentance. Now that would surprise me."

It would be rather amusing and satisfying for Chancellor Rodrick, but maybe without the naked part.

Dorian continued, "I simply wonder if you've considered what this support of yours will do. For mages in general, I mean. The Inquisition is seen as an authority. You've given southern mages license to... well, be like mages back home."

"If they're anything like you, then I approve."

He laughed, "There aren't many mages back home like me."

"I'd believe that."

"I'd never fit in. Bloodstains are so difficult to clean, you see."

"So we're doomed to a future of blood magic, then?" she joked as she drank.

"Not at first, but you'd be a fool not to see where this might lead."

"I don't consider myself much of a fool, so I think we're in luck."

Scarlett's eye caught a man standing just outside one of the tavern windows. The Commander was talking to some messenger, scratching the back of his head.

"Thing is, the Imperiu-"

Dorian paused and followed her eye-line.

"Distracted, are you?"

"Hm? No! I just..."

"-happen to fancy strapping young Templars? Very peculiar for someone who just freed a bunch of mages."

She groaned and took another long drink, "I meant to talk to him earlier, make sure he still isn't cross with me."

"Cassandra seemed rather cross, too, but that's just her demeanor, isn't it?"

Scarlett nodded, "Yet she's so hot at the same time."

"Is she even into women?" he asked.

She shrugged, "I don't think so, but what's the harm in flirting if she lets me?"

"Perhaps a punch in the face. I saw her an hour ago swinging her sword at a dummy like she wanted to eat it's heart out. I don't know if I want to find out what she's like in a real fight."

Scarlett turned her eye back to the Commander, and saw that the soldier he'd been speaking to was finally leaving. This was her chance.

"I'm going to go talk to Cullen and pray he doesn't rant on about 'what I was thinking'."

Dorian laughed, "Good luck."

She grabbed her drink and left the tavern, barely catching the Commander's attention as he was walking the other way. He stopped in his tracks when her heard her say his name.

He turned and said coldly, "Yes, Herald?"

She paused for a moment, "I just wanted a word. I know you don't like my decision about the mages, but-"

"You're the Herald," he stated, "And Seeker Cassandra was right, we did achieve our mission."

In his eyes and the way his shoulders tensed she could see he was bothered. Scarlett was going to say something else, but Cullen just turned back on his heel.

"Goodnight, Herald."

She couldn't even say goodnight back he walked away so fast. So much for him not being cross with her. She'd just have to find a way to appeal to him tomorrow, perhaps...

Chapter 7: Teases and Truffles

Summary:

If you like awkward Cullen and a (mostly) smoother than a fresh jar of skippy Inquisitor, this chapter is for you

Chapter Text

"Commander?" Cullen heard a soft voice say to him, an unmistakable voice.
He continued to sort through his reports on the table in his tent, refusing to let himself look at her.

"Yes, Herald?"

He felt a little disappointed, maybe a little angry with the Herald after she had come back with news she was letting the mages join as free allies. It simply didn't make sense to him, after everything they'd done. He wanted to stay at least mildly upset with her for a little while longer, but he found it to be difficult.

"Still sour, are you?"

It was only after she said that when he realized his tone was already rough and bothersome.
"I didn't mean to be rude yesterday. It's only-" he was about to explain why, but she cut him off,

"Don't worry about it. I get why you probably don't like me at the moment."

He turned and looked in her eyes, but was confused when he glanced down at her hands and saw a bowl of...
Chocolates? Were those chocolates? The Herald saw he was staring.

“Want one?” she asked, taking one from the bowl and offering it to him, "A peace offering, maybe?"

“Al-Alright... I suppose it's difficult to stay mad at you for long, after all you've done for us."

Their fingertips brushed ever so slightly as he took the small piece of chocolate.

She opened her mouth to say something but as their fingers met her mouth closed shut again.
It occurred to Cullen it was the first time they had ever touched at all.

“I wanted to ask you about something, actually,” he said.

“About the mages?”

“Not exactly.”

She quirked a brow, so Cullen explained, “I know we talked about how you don’t bother me, being a mage and all. It occurred to me I never asked if I was an issue to you.”

“Because you’re a Templar?”

“Yes. I see most of the mages here are not fond of me. I’m practically used to mages disliking me on principle I was hoping you didn’t feel the same.”

“Well... I never disliked you on principle.”

“Oh... T-thank you.”

“Why do you care?” the Herald asked, taking another chocolate into her mouth, and before he answered, Cullen first had to ask that question to himself. He couldn’t tell her that she wanted her to like him, no. That would be taken the wrong way...
Cullen didn’t want the pause to grow any more awkward so words fell from his tongue before he could catch them,
“I... was thinking... hoping we c-could be friends, despite our different backgrounds. I-If that’s what... If that sounds agreeable to you?”
Embarrassed stuttering, Cullen decided, would be the death of him.

“Friends? Is that a breach in decorum I hear?” she laughed in between words and Cullen wasn’t sure if she was laughing at him or if it was some friendly humor.

“I’m sure no one would pay too much mind.”

“I don’t think so either," she said,

“Then, you don’t mind?”

She giggled again and Cullen’s heart swelled.
“It just strikes me odd that you feel as if you need to ask for my friendship.”

Cullen stepped closer to her,
“It’s not that I feel it’s odd, to be friends with you, that is. I’m only making sure you're comfortable with it.”

"You know, you're pretty cute when you're flustered."

"I-ah... what?"
Scarlett slipped the words in so smoothly he could hardly process them.
She moved until they stood only a few feet apart and Cullen could feel the heat rising in his cheeks when she brushed a finger over her lips to wipe away a smear of chocolate from the top one.

"Want me to say it again?"

Maker, yes...
NO, he meant no, no no no no no

"I could be more... direct, if you want, or are you still set on us just being 'friends'?"

Cullen was on the edge of saying it. He could taste the word in his mouth screaming at him to let it be released.
"Y-y... I-"

The flap to his tent swung open to the side and Cullen was nearly blinded with the light from the sun...
The person who opened it groaned and Cullen didn't have to look at the stupid Qunari to realize it was him who halted their... conversation.
"Red, can you h-"

The Herald was turned around and Cullen couldn't see her face, but he could tell she was giving Bull some sort of evil death stare from the way his face froze in place as he spoke.

"...help me with this?"

He pointed to the blood spewing, gushing gash on his hand that Cullen didn't want to know how it got there.
"Can't you get Dorian?" she asked.

"I think he's still asleep..."

She scratched the back of her head and ran her fingers through her hair. It was something Cullen noticed she did whenever she was frustrated. A little bit like what he did, maybe.

"Fine," she sighed, "but you're lucky I'm nice, you shit."

"Such hospitality..." Bull groaned again while he motioned her out of the tent.
The Herald stopped a moment to glance back at Cullen, but barely acknowledged him, "I guess we'll talk... later, Commander."
It almost looked like she was too embarrassed to meet his eyes for long.

Cullen found he had not moved a muscle since Iron Bull stepped in the conversation. He wasn't sure if he should be glad or mad that it was intervened.
He couldn't understand why wanting to ask her for her friendship turned into this... mess
Not a bad mess, necessarily, just a horribly confusing and conflicting one. One side of his head was hammering at him, scolding him for developing childish feelings for a woman he's known less than two months, and feelings for the Herald of Andraste no less. The other side whispered to him that it all wasn't so bad as the other was telling him. It may not be wise, sure, but it didn't feel wrong. There was another part of him though, this one was worse and more prominent than the other two.
This side reminded him this wasn't unusual behavior for her.
"She flirts with everyone," he recalled Bull saying in that drunken stupor of his a couple weeks ago.

That was all it was, he supposed. Casual, platonic flirting that couldn't lead anywhere...

Chapter 8: Intensity

Summary:

You may have noticed the new tag...

Chapter Text

"Casual flirting? That's what he called it?"
Scarlett was surprised Cullen would even go that far.

"You believe I'm here to bullshit you?"

"Hmm," Scarlett chewed her lip in thought.
Scarlett had Dorian do a little... investigating into her and the commander's discussion the other day.
She was curious to see if he had any intentions of a one-night stand, possibly? Now she was on the verge of thinking he had none.

Dorian laughed, "You have a plan, I presume?"

"A plan?"

"Yes, a plan, where you have an idea in mind to complete certain things in succession to reach a certain goal."

"What 'goal' do you think I would possibly have? Or have to do with the commander?"

"I hope you'd want to court that beloved commander and make him blush like an innocent schoolgirl."

Scarlett smirked to herself before she spoke, thinking about if she can make him flustered so quickly as she had, then how easy would it be for him to come undone under her touch...
"The blushing part I've already done, but I have no intention to 'court' him."

"That's a shame, considering your eyes seem to lock onto him in a trance whenever he's within forty feet of you."

"I could say the same for yourself," she said.
Scarlett didn't have stupid crushes as silly little girls did. She liked to love them, or fuck them she should say, and leave them.

"But you'd be mistaken. I can actually control my sights impulses."

"You-.... ah- mm..."

Dorian's laugh brightened up the whole room, save for Scarlett's expression.

"I'm going to bed, I'd like to not have so many hangovers before we have to seal the Breach."

"Yes, of course that's the reason..."

She didn't even bother looking back to see that probably smug-as-shit face of his.
She marched down the path to her cottage she had been calling home for the past month. The little house wasn't the nicest place she'd ever stayed in, but it suited her. Not very big, but everything she needed to live comfortably was at her disposal, unlike her previous homes. It always felt too crowded at the circle, too big at her childhood home, or uncomfortable sleeping outside as she had been doing much more of as of late.

She fiddled with the reports on her desk even though she knew she wouldn't be able to focus on them at all, and eventually put them all into a neat stack, but all together, they were nearly tall enough to be a book.
She sighed and scratched her head in frustration.
Everything that's happened this past year was catching up to her at a pace she wasn't sure she could handle. Stress came over her at the worst times. Her head ached every day, except when she drank, and the mark kept her up every other night, suddenly pulsing and stinging when she was on the edges of sleep.
Scarlett turned away from the pile of papers and began changing from her usual attire into her soft cotton nightgown, longing for some much-needed rest.

As she grabbed said nightgown from the chair, someone knocked on her door.
She froze, butt-ass naked and almost scared out of her wits.
Nearly yanking the article of clothing on her, she asked who it was.

"Cullen. Do you have a moment?"

NOW?!?!

Scarlett hastily ran over to view herself in the mirror, making sure she wasn't revealing anything he wouldn't probably want to see right now.
The gown wasn't too short, the straps were thin, but they held...

Shit, shit, he would see the outline of her nipples through the fabric...

That's okay, she can cover up with her arms, if he truly did only want a moment.
Something in the back of her mind was hoping he was here because of their talk the other day...
She crossed her arms over her breasts and realized it did seem a bit like an unnatural pose.
Oh well.
At least her face still looked alright, and she thanked the Maker she hadn't taken her makeup off yet.
"Y-yeah. Come in."

The commander stepped inside, head buried in a report.
He wasn't wearing his usual armor, though, Just some dark trousers and a tan shirt with the sleeves rolled up. It was buttoned down juuust enough to see a small bit of his chest. Scarlett spotted small bits of blond curls threatening to poke out. She almost didn't realize he was speaking she was so lost in her reverie.
"I was wondering if-"

He looked up and Scarlett could already feel this may be the most humiliating moment of her life as she stood in nothing but a tiny nightgown.
Just act like it's nothing

"Yes?"

"I didn't realize... We're you about to-"

She moved closer, trying to bring on the impression she wasn't too bothered by him seeing her in this small state of undress.
"Sleep? Yes, but it's fine, go ahead."

"There's just these two reports," he presented them, "Leliana insisted you take a look at them at some point."

Scarlett rolled her eyes and took them, making sure to keep her breasts covered.
"Another addition to the pile..." she complained, plopping them on the stack.

The commander's eyes went wide as he saw just how many reports she had.
She laughed, "I know. I might as well have a novel at this point."

He moved over to the desk to investigate, brushing against her ever so slightly as he went.
"It will take you weeks to go through all these."

"Unless I dedicate a whole day or two to them, it will."

"Y-You know, I could always read them with you, make the burden a little easier."
He turned to face her, eyes darting from her eyes, then to the suspicious position of her arms...
Awfully generous, she thought.

"You don't have to do that. I'm sure you have plenty of work on your own."

"My men assist me with a good bit of my reports. You don't have that option."

"That's true..."

His gaze went back to where she was covering herself and Scarlett felt the inevitable approach.

"A-Are you hiding something?"

Fuck

She looked down at her arms, and back up to meet his confused expression.
It was funny how his tone made it seem like he had no fucking idea that it could be her tits she was hiding.
How conveniently innocent...
Just be cool, Scarlett.

"Err, sort of."

His lips quirked into a little grin, a purely innocent grin.
"Alright..."
He picked up a report from her desk and glanced at it.
The fuck is he doing?

"This one, in particular, is more a commander's specialty. It discusses how we should stick the mages in towers so they won't hurt anyon-"

"What!"

Scarlett snatched the paper from his hands and saw that it said nothing of the sort.
What she didn't realize was he made the perfect diversion so he could see exactly what she had been covering.
It was his soft, "Oh" that snapped her out of it.

Scarlett's limbs went to mush before they practically shoved the report onto his torso,
"You clever little shi-"

He couldn't suppress his laughter if he tried,"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't think."

She smacked his arm again playfully.

"Exactly, you didn't think. That oblivious innocence is what being a pure-minded, virtuous chantry boy gets you."

Still laughing, he managed to take hold of her wrists with both hands before she could cover up or hit him again.
His grip glided down until his fingers held her by the backs of her hands. His fingers did not touch hers, so not as to hold her hand, but to hold her in place where she stood. The intensity of the moment caused Scarlett's mind to cloud up and all she could feel was Cullen's touch and her heavy breathing.
"I'm not completely innocent," he almost whispered before leaning his head in ever so slightly.

He tried to keep his gaze purely on her face, but couldn’t help but go back in forth to her breasts.
Scarlett watched in a daze, a few moments that seemed to stretch on for hours.

Dorian may be right...
Perhaps she does want to 'court' the commander...

His slowly let up his hold one of her wrists and her hand immediately fell to the bottom of his neck before trailing down to the collar of his shirt. She could feel a few hairs from his chest on her fingertips and that was when she knew she was already too far gone.

He moved in close enough so their foreheads were only an inch apart and Scarlett felt the urge to close her eyes, but just when she thought Cullen would lean in that little bit further, his body froze up and he turned away.

He was at the door before she knew it.
"G-Good evening... m'lady," and then he was gone.

Scarlett couldn't think straight and her head felt foggy still...

What just happened?

Chapter 9: Flirtatious Flame

Summary:

previously on unresolved sexual tension...

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

What in Maker's name had he done? The moment swept him away and it prevented his conscience from reminding him his actions had consequences. When Cullen reached it, he paced around the hollowness of his tent which now felt ten times more empty than it did yesterday. He went to bed, but it took an hour or so for him to actually fall asleep as he lay eyes wide open, thinking about how things could never again be entirely normal between them. There was no early war room meeting scheduled that day, so Cullen had time to prepare his mind for an inevitable conversation with the Herald. He headed to the Chantry to drop something by Josephine and prayed he wouldn't cross paths with her on the way.
He went to the door and his ears picked up female voices coming from the other side. He made out Josephine first, Leliana, then The Herald.

The conversation he overheard was quite intriguing.

"But you did nothing?" Leliana asked.

The Herald said in irritation, "No, I just stood there like a bumbling idiot as he left."

"You were embarrassed. It sounds like he was too." added Josephine.

"That doesn't happen to me though! Why does it change all of a sudden?"

The other ladies giggled,
"It apparently does happen. It's reasonable to be flustered around a man like the commander."

"Now you sound like Dorian."

"Are you going to talk to him about it?” said Leliana.

"Uh, no."

"Why not?"

"That'd end very badly.”

"How can you be certain?"

Cullen felt a surge of confidence as he smirked in satisfaction. It was clear to him she was just as nervous and embarrassed as he was by the ordeal. Maybe he'd have a bit of fun with that knowledge...

"What would I say, exactly? Hello, sorry for caressing your chest as you stared at my tits through my nightgown, what do you-"

The shutting of the office door broke her attention and they stared at Cullen blankly before Leliana and Josephine nearly began to cry from laughter. Andraste's Herald looked like she was preparing her funeral.
She turned away from him, insisting on staring at the wall instead.
"Did I miss something?" he asked playfully.

"You tell us..." Leliana got out in between laughs.

"This isn't a special war meeting you didn't invite me to?"

“Very special indeed.”

"I could've sworn I'd heard something about caressing, and being... flustered?"

"Don't act smug now!”
The Herald nearly screamed at him.

Leliana shook her head and teased, "No, no. It's entertaining to see the Herald of Andraste like this. Maybe you should be smug more often, Commander..."
Cullen laughed, smoothly delivering the reports to Josephine's desk, smirking all the way there and back to the door.
"I could, perhaps. I'll see you this afternoon, ladies," and then he walked out, feeling very proud of himself.

He listened at the door for just a minute more, though it was everything he expected, he couldn't help it,
Josephine started, "Now you have to say something."

"Maker no." The Herald groaned.

"That's a shame."

"He could still be out there you know."

The final giggles he heard afterward was the best indication he'd gotten the exact reaction he'd hoped for.
It may not have been wise of him to add fuel to the flirtatious fire, but at that moment, he didn't quite care.

Notes:

I love little moments where Cullen gets that little surge of confidence. When she's not ready, they make my Inquisitor blush until her face looks like a tomato.

Chapter 10: In Your Heart Shall Burn

Chapter Text

This was shit, complete and utter bullshit, shit shit shit shit.

One moment Varric was patting her on the back after she'd destroyed half an angry Templar army, next she was blinded by a burst of fire that pinched her skin and blinded her vision. Just when they thought they'd succeeded, wham, a motherfucking dragon appears out of thin air.

She, Varric, Cassandra, and Solas rushed into the gate and Cullen closed it behind them. When he turned around, Scarlett had never seen such worry on his face.

"We need everyone back to the Chantry! It's the only building that might hold against that beast!"

If his expression didn't scare her, the frantic tone of his voice sure did.

"At this point, just make them work for it."

 

Nothing made sense anymore. Well, as if things had been making sense since she arrived at Haven. Scarlett closed the Breach, fulfilled her special little purpose and everything in life was going to go to a nice, somewhat calm, semi-paced normal.

But when was anything fucking normal, anymore?

As the group headed to the Chantry, every swoosh of wings above her head made her shiver inside, and it wasn't simply the snow mixed with the sudden brush of cold air against her skin.

 

Scarlett never thought she'd even be slightly relieved to hear Chancellor Rodrick's voice, but as she briefly saw the state he was in she couldn't help but feel a small bit of empathy.

"He tried to stop a Templar," said Cole, the strange boy that warned them at the gate, "The blade went deep. He's going to die."

"What a charming boy."

She spotted the Commander out of the corner of her eye just as he had spotted her as well.

He nearly ran to her, "Herald, our position is not good. That dragon stole back any time you might have earned us."

"I've seen an Archdemon. I was in the Fade, but it looked like that," Cole commented, but left Scarlett confused, slightly terrified if this was indeed an Archdemon. 

"I don't care what it looks like! It's cut a path for that army- they'll kill everyone in Haven."

"The Elder One doesn't care about the village. He only wants the Herald."

"If you know why he wants me just say it," Scarlett said.

"I don't. He's too loud- it hurts to hear him. He wants to kill you. No one else matters, but he'll crush them, kill them anyway. I don't like him."

Cullen scrunched his eyebrows.

"You don't like...? Scar-Herald, there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide.

"We're overrun. To hit the enemy, we'd bury Haven."

"We're dying, but we can decide how. Many don't get that choice..."

A heavy silence fell over the group. Scarlett's heart twinged and ached at the idea that they'd all be buried, that all she's done would be cast to the snow.

Cole looked off to the side before speaking up and ending the tension,

"Yes, that. Chancellor Rodrick can help. He wants to say it before he dies."

"There is a path. You wouldn't know it, unless you'd made the summer pilgrimage. As I have."

He stood, clenching his side as his voice trembled with each word, "The people can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could... t-tell you."

"What are you on about, Roderick?"

"It was whim that I walked the path. I did not mean to start- it was overgrown. now, with so many in the Conclave dead, to be the only one who remembers... I don't know, Herald. If this simple memory can save us. This could be more than mere accident. You could be more."

"What about it, Cullen? Could it work?"

Scarlett felt a strange feeling on her tongue, and she realized it was the first time she'd ever said his name.

"Possibly, if he shows us the path, but what of your escape?"

Another silence, although this one wasn't heavy, it was painfully bone-crushing.  

"Perhaps you'll surprise it, find a way..." 

"Honestly, I-I don't believe I'm that magical."

His face fell at her words, but she saw he was deflecting any emotion he felt when he turned away to bark orders to follow the fallen Chancellor through the Chantry. Cole draped Rodrick over him as he told Scarlett the last thing he'd ever say to her,

"Herald... if you are meant for this, if the Inquisition is meant for this... I pray for you."

Scarlett faced the gate, preparing to take her leave and face what most likely would be her death, but the Commander paused her in her tracks to tell her about the plan, loading the trebuchets, keeping this demon thing's attention.

"If we-if you are to have a chance, let that thing hear you."

She went to step through the door and managed to open it before a firm grip was on her forearm, making her look up at him.

Neither of them really knew what to say, what to do. Neither was still sure of how they felt about the other. 

Scarlett, figuring this may be the last time she would ever see him, moved forward, cupping one side of his face with one hand and placed a quick, tentative kiss on the other stubbly cheek. His face was smooth but chiseled and a little prickly at the same time. The small touch gave her some of the comfort she needed. 

She didn't look back to see how he reacted before closing the door behind her as she stepping into the snow again.

Chapter 11: Cold And Empty

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Cold and empty, that's all Cullen felt as he twiddled with his fingers, which felt just the same.

His heart twisted and ached as he looked around what remained of the Inquisition.

Low for morale would be an understatement.

That boy that was helping Chancellor Rodrick, Cullen couldn't recall if he had ever said his name, walked over to where he sat on a flat, snowy rock.

"You hurt, an empty, festering pain. It's a hurt you can't explain. You want to, but you don't think there's a point in trying."

"What are you talking about?" he asked irritatingly.

"You feel like everyone else, but it's deeper for you. You're confused, but so is she. It's alright."

Cullen softened his tone this time. He was trying not to be rude, "What? What are you talking about?"

The boy stopped, looked down and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, that was wrong... Let me do it again. You won't remember me, so don't worry."

"Y-you're speaking of Sc.. The Herald?"

His face brightened, and he sat next to Cullen as he spoke,

"Yes... You... you want to say her name. Why don't you?"

"She is... was Andraste's Herald. It wouldn't have been... appropriate."

"She doesn't mind. It'd be different, for her, comfortable, a nice feeling."

Cullen's scowled in confusion.

"How would you have known that? She's gone."

"That's what you believe."

"No one could've survived that avalanche."

"I can help you. I can tell you, then she'll be given back to you."

"W-what? That doesn't make sense..."

"I know, not to you. I'm sorry. When she gets here, you'll forget all about me. I'll have helped you. You'll feel better."

"You actually think she's coming back?"

"She is..."

He stood and quickly stepped over to the edges of the camp. Cullen followed, curious as the boy looked up towards a small clearing in the mountains.

"Cold. Snow soaking my feet, my legs. Where is there not snow? I've never been so cold in my life. Fire spell barely gives me anything, but I could use it. If they're out there, they could see me. Maker, you're probably not real but please let this work."

After the boy finished, a small, red spark flew up in the air somewhere behind that mountain clearing he was facing.

An array of red-orange sparks fluttered in the air, scattering until the cold wiped them out and turned them to dust.

He and Cullen weren't the only ones who witnessed it. Cassandra and Leliana rushed past the two.

"What was that?" The seeker asked frantically.

Cullen turned to the boy, completely and utterly stunned.

He was right...

Leliana drawed her bow, "We need to investigate. Commander?"

Cullen nodded before the trio began the ascent up the snow-covered hill.

When a small, slow-moving figure came into his line of sight, he sighed with the most relief he believed he ever felt in his life.

The boy was righ-

Boy... boy?

What boy?

Cullen couldn't recall, but didn't really care as he started moving faster and faster to reach her.

"There, it's her!"

"Thank the Maker."

She dropped to her knees and Cullen steadied her before the rest of her would follow suit.

You could've mistaken her fiery red locks for white there was so much ice covering them.

"Hey..."

She smiled, no, smirked. Cullen seriously wondered if she could possibly be smart-assey or smug in the state she was in.

"You'll be fine, we're going to bring you back."

He wasn't sure if he said that to her or himself. He took her in his arms and they began back down the hill.

Cullen could feel the knee he was clutching was fractured, or broken, and one of her wrists was at an unnatural angle, but her heart was still beating. That's all that mattered.

 

The snow was still as deep on the way back as it had been on the way up. By the time they made it to the camp, his bare feet were soaked underneath his boots. Dorian was there to meet him, and he directed him to one of the healer’s tents.

There was a small cot inside when he entered, and the healer immediately ordered him to put the Herald down on it. Cassandra and Leliana entered the tent soon after he lay her down. 

“Is she alright?” The seeker barker.

The healer was too busy stripping her of her armor to answer. The ice on the leather crunched as she undid the fastenings, and Cullen winced every time he heard the sound.

“Someone grab me some blankets. As many as you can get.”

He turned around to do so, but Leliana was already ahead of him. Cassandra sat on the ground next to the cot, bugging the healer with more questions she still wasn’t answering. Trevelyan was fully unconscious by this point, head lolled to the side, eyes closed, yet relaxed at the same time. There were a couple more crunches and tears, but the armor finally came off. Cullen thought he should leave, but when the Herald’s torso was bare to him he couldn’t pull his eyes away. 

The skin was so many different shades of yellow and purple he barely even paid attention to the mass of freckles on her stomach. Little scars dotted the faint lines of her abs, leading down to something that made his heart ache. A wood chip had impaled her side, just above her hip. It wasn’t very large, but it still must’ve hurt. The healer yanked it out without a moment wasted, and the sound of the flesh as she pulled forced Cullen to turn his head.

Leliana came back not long after with at least three large, furry blankets in her arms, and she and the healer splayed them out over the Herald.

The healer turned to the three of them as they stared at her aimlessly, “Out, all of you. I will tend to her.”

Leliana was the first to go, and Cassandra hesitated for a moment but left them be. Cullen may have wanted to move his feet, but they seemed to be locked in place where he stood. He studied her face, surrounded by a melting array of ice in her hair. Her expression seemed too calm and peaceful for what had just happened. 

“Commander, I must ask you to leave. The Herald will live.”

Cullen snapped out of it, and his legs finally gained some feeling back. Though he wished to stay, he followed after Cassandra and Leliana, who were waiting for him outside.

 


 

Even though her knee was still sore and she could hardly hold anything with the hand that accompanied her broken wrist, Scarlett felt somewhat better, and that was something she didn't expect to feel considering their current situation. She felt certainty in where Solas was leading them, and grateful that they finally decided to stop for the night. She couldn't walk for more than thirty seconds without pain in her leg, so she was forced to ride a horse for the time being. The horses deserved rest too, after all.

Many of the soldiers worked together to pitch a big, private tent just for her, and that's where she sat: on a warm cot, with plenty of warm blankets. If there was one perk to being worshiped as the Herald of Andraste, having all your soldiers and followers kneel before you as they sing a hymn from a religion you don't even believe in, is that they spared no expense for your physical comfort.

A stream of light from one of the fires entered the tent, and Scarlett was surprised to see Iron Bull pulling back the flap of her tent.

"Bull?"

He hit his horns on the top of the tent and almost had to bend himself backward to get inside. He sat down across from her, checking carefully that his horns weren't about to knock anything over.

"I just never checked to see if you were good before. I know those healers popped your bones back in, but you gotta be sore."

His eyes went to the bandage wrapped around her waist. The funny thing was, Scarlett hadn't even realized she'd been impaled until the healer told her. It must have been so cold, she couldn't even feel it.

"I'm alright. I've gotten worse wounds in the Circle."

He smirked, "Really?"

"Mhm. There was one time during a training exercise, a girl burned half the skin off my shoulder. I had to be with the healers for a week while they put all my skin back in, mostly, the correct place."

"Damn."

"Why do you ask? If I'm okay or not, that is?"

Her eyes went down, "I-I don't know..."

Scarlett looked up at him, and could see his face contort with something she couldn't explain. One half seemed like confusion, but the other was something different.

"I've seen some shit. But this Corypheus, he's unreal," he looked back up at her, "I couldn't imagine facing him alone."

"What are you saying?"

He couldn't actually care that much, could he?

"You have balls, Boss, but there's more than that. I know you walk around like nothing happened but you know that's not true. While everyone was singing that Chantry song, you looked like you wanted to puke."

"That's because I don't want people worshiping me, I've already said that."

"My point is, you're not fine. No one in your situation would be fine after what you've seen."

She groaned and shook her head, "Bull, don't stress over me, I'm fine."

They sat in quietness for who knew how long.

Of course she wasn't fine. Scarlett knew he wasn't lying. Ever since Nerianna, Scarlett taught herself to conceal her emotions from others. There'd be no chance of getting hurt again. It's been forever since she let someone in, and still, even after Nerianna, Scarlett felt she had barely let her in at all. So much has happened since the Circle fell.

Iron Bull's fucking Ben-Hassareth training could peek through those walls she built around herself. He could barely see anything, but he knew something was there that was ripping her apart inside.

That wasn't good.

She couldn't let him, or anyone she's met here break through, however.

"We have plenty of other shit to deal with," she said.

"This is exactly what I mea-"

"I didn't hire you to be my damn therapist, Bull."

"Boss, you don't-"

"Stop. I'm not talking to you about this anymore. Get out, now, please."

Bull didn't say anything else thank fuck, but the look in his eyes was unnerving. He huffed and stood up slowly before leaving her tent. Perhaps she can relax now, maybe get some rest without him bugging her with her troubles.

Why did she hire that Qunari again?

Notes:

I thought it was kinda weird that when your Inquisitor sees the camp, Leliana, Cassandra, and Cullen are just... there?
Considering how far away the camp was, they wouldn't have seen the Inquisitor before she reached that little cut in the mountain. Anyway, just my opinion, and that's why I added the little spell thingy.

Chapter 12: They Make My Heart Flutter

Summary:

Scarlett's beginning to feel attracted to two drastically different men

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett didn't know how to feel about being the Inquisitor.

Being the Herald of fucking Andraste was enough, but now this?

She always felt more comfortable as a leader rather than a follower, but this was bigger than anything she could've imagined. So many things were being thrown at her at once she could barely process her own mental state. Luckily though, all those dumb reports she had back at Haven were destroyed, and probably irrelevant, so she had time to spare for the first week they arrived. She'd already written all she knew about Corephyus on the way.

Bull pulled her aside, seemingly forgetting their previous conversation, and had her get acquainted with a few of the soldiers. It was kind of weird since she had no idea what he was doing until they started, but fun. She also dealt with the boy, Cole, and ultimately chose to let him stay, despite Vivienne's objection. Solas seemed better suited to pass judgment upon spirits or demons considering he spent so much time in the fade.

The next day, Scarlett was coming down the steps from the tavern and spotted the Commander in the little makeshift office he made by the tents where the healers worked. If you could even call it an office.

Scarlett found it odd he had just... put a desk in a random place, began his work on it, and used it as a post while every soldier flocked toward it. She approach and patiently waited as a soldier was giving him some updates.

She'd been wanting to speak with him since Haven anyway.

Scarlett would never admit it out loud, but she was relieved that he had made it out of Haven alive. That everyone made it out, but something inside of her was particularly worried about him for some reason.

She vaguely remembered being in his arms as he carried her down the mountain, and it made her feel all tingly and gross. There wasn't a time in recent history where she had ever felt more relieved, comfortable even, despite freezing her ass off while bloody and bruised, bones broken. At least, up until the point she passed out. It had occurred to her she never got the chance to thank him. They didn't speak much on the way to Skyhold.

She intended to do that right now.

The soldier scurried off after Cullen barked something at him, and Scarlett took her chance to approach.

He immediately began a conversation, "We set up as best we could at Haven, but could never prepare for an Archdemon or, whatever it was. With some warning, we might have..."

He sighed and ran a hand along the back of his neck. She noticed the bags under his eyes were more prominent than usual.

"Do you ever sleep?" she joked.

"If Corephyus strikes again we may not be able to withdraw, and I wouldn't want to. We must be ready."

Scarlett shook her head and rolled her eyes when it was clear he didn't pay any mind to what she just said.

"Work on Skyhold is underway, guard rotations established. We should have everything on course within the week. We will not run from here, Inquisitor."

"How many were lost?"

"Most of our people made it to Skyhold. It could've been worse. Morale was low, but it's improved greatly since you've accepted the role of Inquisitor."

Inquisitor...

She cringed a little bit. It was almost as hard to get used to as Herald of Andraste.

"Inquisitor Trevelyan. It sounds odd, don't you think?"

"Not at all."

"Is that the official response?" she scoffed.

"I suppose it is, but it's the truth. We needed a leader. You have proven yourself."

It was close to the same thing everyone else had said so far. It really didn't help put her mind at ease, but hearing it from him wasn't so bad. He looked at her with certainty, not saying just because it's what she may have wanted to hear.

"Thank you, Cullen."

There was that feeling again, the one she got before the mountain came down. She found herself liking the taste of his name on her tongue. That was probably bad.

Scarlett was about to tell him what she had planned to say, that she owed him for carrying her down that mountain.

What came out was a jumble of random words that just started rolling out of her mouth, "Our escape from Haven, it was close. I'm relieved that you- that so many made it out."

That wasn't what she meant to fucking say at all.

Cullen stared off to the side, "As am I," a sort of solemness had quickly grown on his face.

Now, it's time to escape. Fucking leave before you say anything stupid again...

As she tried to, Cullen put his hand on her arm ever so slightly. It made her whip around almost instantly.

"You stayed behind. You could have..."

She expected his touch to leave, but it didn't. It lingered softly as he tried to find the words.

"I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again. You have my word."

Scarlett, for once, had no witty comeback, no smooth, flirty comment to pull on him. She just stared at him, mouth slightly gaping as nothing would come out of it.

It only took a moment for her to start staring at that scar on his lip again.

This time though, he noticed.

 

That evening Scarlett found herself drinking at the tavern again, staring down into the empty tankard as she daydreamed. She'd hoped the drinks would help her get her mind off of what the fuck that Commander was doing to her head. The bartender asked if she wanted a refill, but she declined. It wouldn't do anything anyway except give her a hangover tomorrow since the drinks weren't doing what she wanted them to, anyway.

Just as she was getting lost in thought again, a seven-foot Iron Bull approached the bar.

"This seat taken?" he asked , patting the stool next to her.

Scarlett realized she probably looked pretty pathetic. Alone, empty drink in hand and slumping over the bar like she was depressed or a drunk.

"I don't think Andraste's got a hold on that stool. I suppose you're alright."

He slithered his way next to her before ordering a drink.

He bit his cheek and looked at her, "Listen, I know we talked, but-"

"I know, I know... I'm sorry about that, by the way."

Scarlett knew what he was going to say and wasn't going to let him continue that poor conversation they had. Best to just apologize to him so they could forget.

But he insisted, "No, it's alright."

"It wasn't. I was rude and I shouldn't have been. You were only looking out for me."

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess you're forgiven?"

They sat there in a comfortable silence while Bull got himself a second drink.

Something else came to Scarlett's mind that she had been keeping at the very very back of her head for a little while now.

"I sorta wanted to talk to you about something actually. Though, it's a bit odd."

"Oh?" He took a big swig.

"It's about sex."

"Mmmm, naughty," he growled.

She smacked his arm playfully.

"Don't get any ideas, I'm serious."

"Well then, spit it out."

"I've heard you've cozied up to the serving girls, along with some of the chantry sisters at Haven, no less."

"Yesss."

"It's just... is that always how it's been for you?"

"How what's been?"

Scarlett didn't know how to phrase it without it being terribly awkward, but that was almost impossible.

"It's... When the circle rebelled, and we were all split up. I was stressed, tired. When my group stopped at a local village, tavern, or brothel even, I'd usually get piss-ass drunk and then before I knew it I'd be hooking up with some stranger. Whores with chips on their shoulders, men and women alike, mostly women though."

"That's hot."

Of course. What other reaction did she expect?

"Some of it was, but most of the time it wasn't anything real. It was just a way to blow off steam."

"That's usually how it is under the Qun."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's not a big deal like it is here. It's like... I don't know, going to see a healer? Sometimes it's this long, involved thing. Takes all day, leaves you walking funny... Other times you're in and out in five minutes." he clicked his tongue, "Thank you, see you next week!"

"...Damn."

He gave Scarlett a seductive look and she knew what he was about to get at,

"But the sad thing is? The Qun doesn't really have any redheads. Not like here..."

She rolled her eyes.

"But you've never really... made love?" she could've vomited in her mouth at the words.

The next ones she said very sarcastically, "Connected with someone in both body and soul? That's what I'm trying to get at."

"I don't know. One time they used this thing called the saartoh nehrappan. It's a leather-wrapped rod on a harness... That wasn't really my soul though. Also, there were more than two people."

"Ah."

"Why? Have you?"

Scarlett was wondering the same thing herself. She was still trying to figure out if what she had with Nerianna was real or...

"I-I don't think so. I'm not sure."

"Hmph," Bull banged on the table and the bartender got the hint.

Scarlett all of a sudden found herself watching Bull's lips as he brought the third drink to them.

The conflicting and agonizing thoughts she'd been circling in her brain washed away just for that moment.

With the way all the women would speak of him, there were probably many things that mouth could do...

Bull noticed and put the tankard down.

"Looks like you want to experiment on that, sometime."

She hit him again and he just laughed.

Notes:

watch out for smut next chapter, but it's probably not what you're expecting...

Chapter 13: Fickle and Fleeting (NSFW)

Summary:

smutty smut smut and a pinch of angst

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett felt the soft brush of Nerianna's lips on her neck, pressing against the sweet spot just below her ear and sucked, causing all arousing thoughts to regenerate.

Finally, they were alone. The quarters were empty and they had all the empty space to themselves...

It just occurred to Scarlett that she was naked, and so was Nerianna, who was currently on top of her and grinding against her thigh, sliding her tongue across the expanse of her freckled skin. Her hands caressed the sides of her breasts before deft fingers toyed with her nipples. Scarlett let out a deep moan and threw her head back.

It's been so fucking long since she knew that feeling...

Arousal was flooding through her veins, down to her core and Scarlett just wanted Neri to taste her already, but that wasn't how things went for them. First came the excruciating teasing.

"Yeah, moan for me like that. Tell me how much you love it when I play with your tits."

Scarlett could barely breathe, let alone speak, so she groaned again, raking her nails across Neri's arse, squeezing and pushing her clit down harder on her thigh.

Nerianna moved down to replace her hands with her mouth and Scarlett gasped when her tongue flicked again and again. She smirked on her breast after she was done ravishing it before giving the other the same attention. As her mouth continued to worship Scarlett's breasts, her fingers glided lower until they reached her wetness, which she gathered on her fingers, then gently slid them to her clit so agonizingly slow, teasing the sensitive bud with her slick thumb.

"Fuck..."

She moved her hips to reach her hand and increase the pressure on where she was rubbing.

"You want more?" Nerianna said on her breast, picking up the pace of her finger and teasing another just barely inside her.

Scarlett all but begged, "Stop teasing!"

"Answer me," Nerianna removed her hand entirely, much to Scarlett's disappointment, and began to suck each finger one by one, slowly and seductively pulling them from her mouth.

"Yes, more. Neri, please." 

She laughed before kissing down her stomach, eyes trained on her intended prize.

"Good girl..."

Good girl

The words ringed in Scarlett's head, but she wasn't sure if she enjoyed that term as much as Nerianna liked to say it. Right now though, she couldn't possibly care as her mouth began to assault the skin of her inner thighs. 

So fucking close...

When she felt the first touch of Nerianna's mouth on her, she gasped and sat up, clenching at the bed sheets.

Her eyes shot open and she glanced around to every inch and corner of the room. The air smelled of cold and burnt wood and that's when Scarlett saw a smoldering fireplace across the room. She looked down between her legs, which were covered by a warm, plush bed sheet.

Where did Nerianna go?

Why was the room so big and why was her bed so much softer than it'd been a couple seconds ago? Scarlett saw snowy mountains through the opening to her balcony and she realized, finally...

That... wasn't real...

A dream.

Just a fucking dream.

Though there had been no hands on her body and no mouth on her core, Scarlett still felt as if there must've been something. She throbbed with desire and it made her brain rack with guilt and displeasure rather than the good feeling she should be experiencing. She got out of her bed and paced around wondering why the fuck she just dreamed what she did. She told herself over and over since it happened that she'd moved on. 

Nerianna was dead...

Taking a seat on her couch and staring at the ashes in her fireplace, tears began to fall from her eyes. All the emotion she kept in from all those years ago came back to her again, now with bitter grief adding to the overflowing pile. It was so confusing, conflicting and heartbreaking at the same time.

As she sobbed, Scarlett knew one thing: she sure as hell wasn't getting anymore sleep that night.

Chapter 14: Connections

Summary:

Cullen notices something wrong with Scarlett when she's supposedly "sick" one afternoon.

Notes:

I'm not dead!!! Just busy as fuck.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Cullen heard the soft sounds of birds chirping as his eyes slowly peeled open. He expected to be in his bed, but no. He looked around the room, then down at his feet and rolled his head when he realized he'd fallen asleep in his chair at his desk. A small stack of reports was close by amiss the clutter, along with two papers still on his lap, gracing his fingertips. Those must've been some interesting reports...
Cullen scratched his head before picking up the one that was ready to fall off his leg and read it. It was one from the Inquisitor, about her preparations to venture out into the Storm Coast again. Odd, this report was obviously a few days old or so. The Inquisitor, Dorian, Bull, and Varric left this morning. Cullen ended up spending an unusual amount of time just... studying her handwriting. The way her cursive was much curlier than his own, maybe even curlier than Leliana's or Josephine's for that matter.
Someone knocked at his door and he groaned before answering. It was probably Rylen or something.
"Come in, door's unlocked."
He threw the reports with the others before looking up, surprised at who it was that just stepped in.

"Cullen?" said the Herald.

"Inquisitor?"
Cullen, figuring he looked like a slob, considering he'd just awoken, hurriedly got up and brushed himself off.
She closed the door behind her.

"I thought you had left this morning?" he said.

"No um... I wasn't feeling too well so we decided to reschedule."

"Ah."
The Inquisitor shook her head and looked around like she was trying to remember why she came in here in the first place.
"Oh. Solas said he wanted to talk to you about something. He's busy with something so he asked me to tell you."

"Alright. I just need to finish up here."

The Herald went to the door, but Cullen stopped her with a question:

"What are you sick with? Do you know?"

Scarlett turned around and sighed. Her expression was alarmingly solemn.
"I'm not really sick, to be honest."

"No?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

Cullen's heart twinged, and he felt confused.
"Of course."
Cullen began to sort through the papers and was waiting for her to leave, but she didn't. She just stood there, and something must've been racking her brain because she kept pacing.

"Can I ask you sort of a personal question?"
Cullen decided it was best to just quit the reports for now. Something was obviously bothering her.

"Mhmm."

"Do you have nightmares? I know you were at Kirkwall during the mage uprising and served during the blight."

He hesitated a bit, unsure of why she would ask that, and unsure if he wanted to tell her.
"I... yes. More often than I'd like to admit."

"Are they weird?"

"Weird?"

"About... loved ones or things like that?"

Cullen took a moment to think. He can't remember the last time he'd ever had a nightmare that involved his siblings, or Margaery Amell... Most of his nightmares were giant pools of demons of all kinds, ripping people to shreds and spraying blood in every possible crick and corner. His finger twitched as he answered.
"No... I can't recall."

"Oh. Okay... nevermind then."

"Are you alright, Sc- Inquisitor?"
He asked without impulse, stepping closer to where she was hugging herself. She turned around and reached the door as she spoke.

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

"You can talk to me, if... if that's okay with you, I mean. If it's not then-"

"I could."
A weak, but genuine smile poked at the corners of her mouth when she faced him again.

"You... could?"

"Not about sappy, personal shit, but..."

"Something different?"

"Anything different."

Cullen looked down before slowly nodding.
"Alright. What do you want to talk about?"
He sat back down at his chair while The Herald perched herself upon the corner of the desk.

She pondered for a while before coming up with something.
"What are your hobbies? What does a Commander like to do when he's not commanding?"

"Well, um..."
In his mind, he scoured every possible pastime that he's ever done, but could only think of reading, chess and... fighting? If that could even be considered a hobby.
"I enjoy chess from time to time."

"That's not surprising."

"I can't think of anything else... Is that bad?"

The Inquisitor laughed, "Maybe, but I'm sure you could find something else that you like."

"With how busy we are lately, I'm not so sure."

Cullen liked where this conversation was going, even with how simple it was.

"What do you like to do?"

Cullen and The Inquisitor talked for at least another hour, just about the simplest things. It was getting very apparent that the distraction worked, for them both. They went from hobbies to fighting techniques, to their shared hate of Orlesians, which neither were sure afterward how the conversation led to that.

"I remember when my father and I were invited to one of their galas. I was seven, I think, and I hated every minute of it."

"Did you hate anything in particular?"

"Wearing a frilly dress was horrible, and the second worst would probably be the masks. I was so creeped out by them. I feel bad for the children who have to see their parents wear those pieces of shit."

"Now that I think about it... I can't ever recall going to a ball or party that wasn't about Templars," Cullen said.

"Lucky you, though I sure would like to see you in one of those ridiculous outfits." she started giggling again.

"With the tights? Maker, no."

The laughter that filled the room was practically contagious. During her laughing fit, the Inquisitor must have placed her hand on the desk at some point to steady herself, because it startled Cullen a bit when he accidentally put his hand on top of hers. The giggling subsided and both looked at eachother, then to their hands, not really knowing what to do or how to react. Cullen felt a little disappointed when she suddenly took her hand out from under his.

"Um... We'll have to do this again sometime soon, Commander," she said.

"Yes, we should. I'd like that."

"I'll see you later, I'm sure."
After that, the Herald left just like that, and Cullen declared it a miracle that not one soldier stepped in their conversation the entire time. When he looked back down at his desk, he groaned. Reading reports was the dullest task in Thedas compared to a long talk with Inquisitor Trevelyan.

Notes:

Hopefully, I'll post more now so...
Coming soon to an Ao3 fic near you---------Cole gets more involved in the shit and I'm so excited cuz he's my babaayyy

Chapter 15: Think About These Things

Summary:

Cole and Scarlett have a chat

Notes:

YASS here comes the precious cinnamon roll we all know and love

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Perched upon the wall, overlooking the courtyard by the gate, Scarlett stared up at the stars which illuminated the dark sky. A chilly, but not entirely unpleasant breeze brushed over her every so often. It was the one night she decided not to go to the tavern.
She didn't know why the feeling changed. She loved drinking, watching Bull, Sera or whoever involved in their own shenanigans.
Maybe it was the talk with Cullen somehow... or the dream from last night?
She heard a sort of whooshing sound come from behind her, and a few leaves blew forward.
Scarlett turned around and saw Cole approaching.
"Hi Cole."
"Hello."

Scarlett wasn't too sure about this boy, but he seemed kind, selfless, and helpful, spirit or not.
The way she saw Cole try and help the lady the other day assured something in Scarlett's mind that this strange individual wasn't here with harmful intentions. It genuinely seemed Cole was attempting to do exactly what he said he was: helping.

"It's a bit strange. No one usually remembers me, but now you do," he said.

Scarlett told Cole early on after that incident that he wouldn't make her forget him. She wanted to become friends with him, ask him about his unusual abilities. She couldn't do that if she was constantly forgetting him.
"What are you doing here Cole?" she asked.

"You're troubled. An aching feeling, an ache, dragging and pulling and it's been there since you can remember. You can't get rid of it yourself. I know you don't like talking about it, but you should. People will listen to you, they want to, but they don't know. "

"I appreciate it Cole, but I don't need help that bad."

"Maybe you don't, but Bull may also have a point,"
Cole's voice got very deep all of a sudden, like he was imitating said Bull, "There's something up. No one can be this tough for this long. How she acts like she's perfect all day doesn't make sense. If I ask, she might indulge a little."

"Is that what... he was thinking?" she said.

"Yes. He can see, and he wants to help. Not how I want to help, though."

Scarlett had an idea of what 'help' he meant, and like hell she wasn't going to ask.
"Again, the gesture's nice, but I really don't need help."

Cole stared down at the ground doing nothing for about a minute before picking up a pebble on the ground. He sat next to Scarlett and fiddled with it in his hand.
"Rough biting, quick, pinching touches. Not sure if I like it, but unsure of what to do otherwise. Does she love me? Do I love her? Hurting, confusing questions I can't answer-"

"Cole, stop."

"You think about these things a lot, but you don't have to."

"What do you think I should do instead?"

Cole dropped the pebble and let it fall to the ground.
"Think about... Cullen."

Scarlett laughed, "Cullen?"

"...Yes."

"Why... Why Cullen?"

"He made you feel happy."

"Is that right?" Scarlett shook her head, but smiled.

"You know he does. He keeps you away from the thoughts that hurt you. When he told you that you can talk to him, a bright, comforting feeling. A natural feeling when the words left his lips. He doesn't know why, but he does at the same time. You do too."

"I..." she sighed.

"Safe and inviting, warm and right. This feels right. Her laugh is warm, her talk is inviting, presence is safe and touch is... right."

"You're making this way deeper than you realize, Cole. Cullen and I just had a talk and got to know eachother," Scarlett said as she picked up another pebble from the wall.

"Yes, you're right. You talked about normal things, but he still felt. You did also, less, but still felt."

"Felt?"

A long pause. Cole took the small pebble from Scarlett's hands and dropped it like he had done the other.
What he said next Scarlett didn't hear.

"What was that Cole?" Scarlett said.

"Let go and feel more. Warm, inviting, safe and right."

There was an idea in the back of Scarlett's mind. One she didn't want to think about. The little flirts she had with him would always be pounding at her head to be released, and Cole saw this. Best to leave it, forget it, and deny it.
"Sounds like Cullen and I will be great friends, then."

Cole opened his mouth, but hesitated before actually speaking, "You will be great friends, but-"

"Exactly. I'll see you tomorrow Cole."

Scarlett hopped off the wall, but Cole stopped her.
"Wait... Do you want to forget?"

She looked back at him and shook her head,
"No, Cole. Don't make me forget."

She went towards the main hall and left Cole alone. He stood there for a while in the cool breeze, staring up at the stars overlaid against a black-colored sky before vanishing.

Notes:

I'm on a roll here-a chapter a day! That's probably not gonna last long tho...

Chapter 16: Lyrium

Summary:

Confessions of a lyrium addict

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Cullen tapped his fingers nervously on his desk, glaring down at the small box that lay on top.
Maybe a week before, a million nerve-racking thoughts would've been racing in his mind, but it wasn't so anymore. He had a strong feeling that she'd be okay with it and accept it, no matter how much it hurt him.
The door to his office opened and she stepped in with a curious expression.
"You wanted to see me, Commander?"

"As leader of the Inquisition, you..." he sighed, "There's something I must tell you."

The Herald's face contorted, "You're being especially serious today."

"I know..."
He took a deep breath, "Lyrium grants Templars our abilities, but it controls us as well."
Cullen looked from her, to the evil little box again.
"Those cut off suffer--some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the Templars here. But I... no longer take it."

Her voice surprised him, "You stopped?" It wasn't judgmental or filled with concern.

"When I joined the Inquisition. It's been months now."

"Cullen, if this can kill you-"

"It hasn't yet. After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn't. I will not be bound by the Order or that life any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it."
He looked back at her at was eased to see she was listening intently and saw none of the judgment he could have feared.
"But I would not put the Inquisition at risk. I've asked Cassandra to... watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty."

"Are you in pain? I've seen how withdrawal affects Templars before."

"I can endure it."

"Well, thank's for telling me. I respect what you're doing."

"Thank you, Inquisitor."

"But do you honestly believe you'll need to step down?"

Cullen had thought deeply about this too...
"I pray that it won't be necessary, but whatever happens, if something happens, I will defer to Cassandra's judgment."

"It better not be necessary. I like you as our Commander."
She's smirking, oh no.

"I... thank you," he said. This was a better reaction than he could've hoped for.

 

 

Late that evening as Cullen was finishing up, one of the messengers came in with nothing but a tiny slip of parchment.
"Who's it from?"

"I don't... It was in my hand..."

"Hmm."
He took the paper from her hand and read it, "She understands lyrium. They wrapped the head in chains, but she can break them away..."
Cullen had no idea what to make of this.

"You have no idea who it's from?"

"No sir. You don't either?"

He scratched his head and went down the list of possible senders. None worked, except...
There was someone else, a little girl? No...
A boy?
"No... I feel as if there is someone, but I don't know who."

"You want me to just leave the message here?"

"Yes, and thank you. I'll tell you who I believe sent it if I can begin to comprehend what this even means."

"Yes sir."

Cullen read it again and again but still couldn't quite place his finger on what he was trying to remember.
It was the tone of the letter that sounded so familiar, he knew he'd heard it somewhere...

Notes:

Please leave a comment if you want, I really appreciate the feedback!! ♥

Chapter 17: You Flirt With Everyone

Summary:

Scarlett isn't as smooth as a fresh jar of skippy anymore

Chapter Text

That same night, the tavern was busy and loud, just how Scarlett enjoyed it. She eagerly got herself a drink before hearing a thud. It was Iron Bull with a serving girl draped over his shoulder. Quite literally. He was actually carrying her up the stairs and presumably to his bedroom. Scarlett shook her head before taking a sip from her keg. That's when she spotted Varric and Sera in a corner, Varric motioning her with a finger. Sera was laying on her back on a table, head hanging off and swaying from side to side. Scarlett approached them with a questioning expression,
"Varric."

He replied with something she hoped he'd forgotten about by now, "Lioness."

"No, don't"

"Lioness?" asked Sera, "That's daft."

"But I have an explanation and a pretty juicy one at that," said Varric.

"Let me hear. Heraldness did something embarrassing, didn't she?"

"You could say that."

Scarlett wasn't going to have this, "Varric if you tell her I will drag you out of this tavern by your ear and strangle you."

"So defensive! Why can't Buttercup have the tea?"

"Because..." she groaned, "She will march her ass up to his office and tell him before you can even finish the story."

But whatever attempt to keep Sera oblivious would've been in vain, "It's 'bout Cullen isn't it? I saw the helmet he keeps."

"Great."

"I know the way you look at him, your face lights up like a... uh..."
All the blood that rushed to her head must've gotten to her because she suddenly decided to just roll off the table. She hit the ground a little harshly, but got up quickly and brushed herself off.

"Cullen and I are just friends. I don't know why everyone keeps teasing me about it."

"It's fun! High and mighty Inquisitors don't usually get all blushy, but you do!"
After Sera spoke, the Commander walked in and Scarlett nearly choked on her drink.
"Freckles, there he is!" Varric said, imitating a ten-year-old girl or something.

Scarlett smacked him on the arm, "Don't talk about this anymore. You'll fuck it all up, Varric."

Cullen must've seen the Herald and them talking because he decided to drop by and say a super fucking convenient hello.
In midst of her hitting Varric playfully, he approached and Scarlett didn't notice until Sera half-yelled half-singed, "Oh Cully Wully!"

"Fuck me!" she almost yelled when she saw him standing directly in front of her. She dropped her drink and it splattered all over their feet. She froze in place, one hand keeping her steady as she stood in a slightly unnatural pose.
When she saw his face, she swore she'd never seen anyone more confused than he was in that moment.

"C...Cully Wully?" he asked, causing Sera to burst into a crying fit of laughter.

Varric chimed in, "That's her nick-"
Scarlett nearly shoved her hand into Varric's mouth so he'd shut the hell up.

"I... was only going to ask you about this."
He held out to her nothing but a small piece of parchment before pulling it back.
"But you appear busy, so-"

"No, I-"
"Oh no, Curly. She's not busy," Varric interrupted too happily.

"Okay... but it's alright. I will speak to you in the morning about it."

"That'd be fine," she said as he stepped over to the bar and finally away from them.

Now she can kill Varric.
"You're a little shit."

"So you've said."

"And I mean it."

Sera butted in, "Well, now we know you'll definitely see him tomorrow, won't you? You excited?"

Scarlett picked up the keg she dropped, "Thrilled."
She began her ascent up the stairs, leaving Varric and Sera alone to laugh. Her goal was her quarters, where she'd go to sleep and hopefully forget all about this ordeal the next morning. She also hoped to not run into Bull on the way, Maker knows what he's doing with that serving girl still..
When she got to the third floor, Cole suddenly appeared in front of her, almost making her fall down.
"I'm sorry. You're not happy again."

"I'm annoyed, but I'll be fine Cole, thank you."

She opened the door to the outside but what Cole said next lured her back,
"You flirt with everyone."

She turned to face him, "...I do flirt a lot."

"You say you flirt with everyone. Like Iron Bull. It's easy, emotionless but it's the exact opposite. For Iron Bull, but not for you."

"Flirting with a lot of people makes everything easier. No strings attached."

"That's not what you want."

"You're wrong about that one, Cole."

"You want it to be easy, so you can forget. Quick and rough, numbing nights. The easy numbs the pain, but only for a little while."

"Goodnight Cole," Scarlett said as she turned on her heel and walked out. She didn't need to listen to him anyway. He was wrong.
This was the way it'd been for her always. This is how she likes it. Easy flirts that can be used and discarded at her whim.
Cullen's just a phase. She flirts with him sometimes, sure, but she won't let it become this big, complicated ordeal if she can.
Varric and Sera certainly aren't helping, though.
Cullen and Scarlett are friends, and they'll always be friends, but nothing more.
The flirting with isn't special, obviously.
She flirts with everyone.

Chapter 18: A Simple Game

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett woke up late with a small headache. The extra sleep wasn't enough to cure it, apparently. It was the early afternoon and she remembered she was going to meet the Commander to talk about... that thing, she couldn't recall. As she made her way to Solas's room so she could cut through to his office, Varric winked at her before she covered her face because obviously he didn't forget any tiny detail of what happened last night. The dwarf just laughed as she kept going. 

When Scarlett reached her destination, she knocked on the door but heard no reply.

So she entered curiously, and there was no Commander. Confused, she searched around his desk a bit, yet there was no sign of where he ran off to. They didn't have a war room meeting, did they? A messenger entered and saw The Inquisitor looking around,

"Inquisitor, if you're looking for the Commander. He's gone to the garden."

"The garden?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Did Cullen hit his head?"

The messenger laughed, "I don't believe so."

"Someone must be with him then. I can't imagine the same Cullen I saw yesterday would go to the garden for the hell of it."

 


 

"Gloat all you like, I have this one," said Cullen as a slow, cool breeze came over him, swaying the trees and plants in the garden from side to side.

"Are you... sassing me, Commander?" Dorian smiled in amusement, "I didn't know you had it in you."

Why he agreed to abandon his duties for chess with this man, he had no idea.

He was so caught up in the game he barely noticed The Inquisitor as she approached Dorian and him.

Cullen rolled his eyes, "Why do I even-- Inquisitor!"

As soon as his eyes met hers he nearly bolted from the chair, knocking a few pieces over, but her puzzled expression made him freeze in his tracks.

Dorian chuckled at Cullen's expense, "Leaving, are you? Does this mean I win?"

Slowly, he positioned himself in the chair again and composed himself.

The Herald looked at Dorian and teased, "He's taking this rather seriously."

"He is, isn't he?" he said before moving one of his pieces, "You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory. You'll feel much better."

Cullen, on the other hand, smirked before saying, "Really? Because I just won, and I feel fine," and it was true, his final move made him the victor.

Dorian put both his hands up in defeat.

"Don't get smug. There will be no living with you," he said before leaving.

Now only Cullen and The Inquisitor were left. Figures he might as well offer her a game. He'd enjoy postponing his work a little while longer, "I should return to my duties as well... unless you would care for a game?"

Scarlett giggled a little before shrugging, "Alright. Prepare the board, Commander."

As she sat down, he couldn't help but begin a conversation. After their talk the other day, Cullen looked for openings to speak with the Inquisitor almost every day. Not about work or Corephyus or Red Templars, but about the normal, non-threatening things. He only hoped she enjoyed it as much as he did, which he realized may have been a bit too much. It seemed his mouth couldn't stop the words that came out he wanted to say them so bad,

"As a child, I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck-up grin whenever she won--which was all the time. My brother and I practiced together for weeks. The look on her face the day I finally won. Between serving the Templar's and the Inquisition, I haven't seen them in years. I wonder if she... still plays," he finished his sentence with the moving of a piece.

"You have siblings?" she asked, and it occurred to Cullen that he never even told her.

"Two sisters and a brother."

"Where are they now?" She made a move, not a great one, he might add. It appeared she may not have played chess in a long time. Maybe he'd go a little easy on her...

"They moved to South Reach after the Blight. I do not write to them as often as I should," he got so caught up in talking he became distracted again, "Ah, it's my turn."

When he looked down at the board, he could've sworn a piece was on a space that it hadn't been before.

"You're about to relive those childhood defeats. This game is mine."

 

After a while and many moves later, the Inquisitor was trying to decide where to move next. Focused, she played around with the piece with her fingers before resting it on her bottom lip. Cullen's eyes followed the piece and ultimately found themselves in the same place. Her lips were a palish rose color and plump, but not that big. He wondered if they felt as soft as they looked...

Finally, she moved the piece, and Cullen decided to speak again,

"This may be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition, or related matters. To be honest I appreciate the distraction."

"We should spend more time together."

What he said next nearly caught in his throat he was so taken aback, "I would like that."

"Me too."

Cullen managed to avoid thinking out loud, but the thought went from his head and past his lips too quick to catch,

"You said that."

She stared at him with an expression he couldn't quite describe. He only hoped it wasn't a bad one.

"We should... finish our game, right. My turn?" he tried as best he could to focus on the game after that.

Cullen shouldn't be surprised, the Inquisitor's friends with Dorian. Of course she would cheat. She got away with it for a little while but the signs became clear towards the end. He moved his final piece in satisfaction, which declared him the winner.
"Well, I believe the game is mine."

Her eyes grew wide and she studied the board in confusion, "Wait, what?!" 

"Dorian cheats at this as well," he laughed.

She sighed in defeat but smiled all the same as they began to reset the board.

Chapter 19: Vishante Kaffas

Summary:

It's time for----A day in the Exalted Plains w/ Cole, Dorian and Iron Bull

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The mark still glowed bright green, pulsing as the rift finally exploded in front of them. The air settled, and the last trace that remained of a demon-spewing portal of hell was a small pile of ashes on the ground. Scarlett shook her hand as the pain subsided and turned to Cole, who took a hit from one of the demons and was currently wincing and playing with it. She went over to help him, but overheard an amusing conversation as she did so,

"Watch where you're pointing that thing!" said Dorian frantically.

Iron Bull laughed, "Dirty."

"Vishante kaffas! I meant your weapon!"

Scarlett mostly healed the wound on Cole's arm, but he needed a bandage...

"Can you stop flirting and lend me a hand here, Dorian?"

The look he gave her was priceless.

He pointed straight to Bull, "That oaf is the flirt!"

"Just shut up and help me."

He went over to where they were standing and patched up Cole's arm, and Cole thanked them eagerly. He said something next that Scarlett didn't really understand, "The magic is kind, it helps, like you do."

Dorian stepped in, "Magic doesn't have feelings, Cole."

Cole touched his bandaged arm and smiled,

"No objects have feelings, but they make us feel something. Perhaps a present, and it makes us happy, or a sweet, and it makes us hungry..."

Cole continued on as the group trekked through the scorched, flat and nearly-lifeless grounds of the Exalted Plains.

 

Eventually, he reached a topic that definitely amused the other two party members...

"What about plants, Cole? Plants are living things, so do you hear them?" asked Dorian.

"Sometimes. It's not clear though, however. Dancing, small and light. Not like people. They whisper little noises, but don't speak words."

"Interesting..."

"That's why I like the garden, in Skyhold. The plants sing a nice song."

"You don't go to the garden very often though, Cole," said Scarlett.

"Not during the day. It's loud. People interrupt the flowers' song. Like you and Cullen."

"Li... What?"

"You and Cullen, you disturbed them. You liked talking to him, but you didn't know. The plants can't hear you either."

Dorian butted in, "You enjoy talking to the Commander?"

"Cullen and I are friends. We enjoy spending time together."
"I bet you do," Bull chuckled after he spoke.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't have even a minuscule amount of attraction for our illustrious Commander?" said Dorian

Scarlett paused, "I didn't say that, but I'm sure you could say the same."

"Yes, guilty as charged, but I, unlike you, have little to no chance of ever getting that."

"Cullen's attractive, obviously, but I don't have the desire to marry the man and have ten babies."

"Alright then," Dorian laughed, and Scarlett only hoped the teasing wouldn't get worse from here.

 

After some more demon-slaying and more rift-sealing later, darkness approached and the party camped in the fens. The area that was recently cleared out for the Inquisition. 

Scarlett listened to the fire crackling as she attempted to scrape the dirt from underneath her nails. They were so filthy she wondered if she'd ever have clean fingernails ever again. No matter how much scraping she did, the dirt wouldn' t budge. She was so zoned out she barely heard that Cole was talking until he said,

"He doesn't know, doesn't want to, but he does. He enjoys it. Forbidden, unnatural, undesirable, but he enjoys it."

She probably should've listened to the first half of his thought, 

"Who are you talking about, Cole?"

"It's-"

Dorian crawled halfway out of his tent after she spoke, on his stomach, half asleep with his usually-perfect hair messed up at the front. Scarlett waited, but Cole didn't finish his reply...

"It's still nightfall. Why haven't you two gone to sleep?"

Bull dragged his way out of his tent to answer, also on his stomach, "Because boss doesn't want to share a tent with me again, for whatever reason."

"You rolled over too far and nearly suffocated me last night. I thought for a moment that I might die," Scarlett said.

Dorian groaned and tried to find a solution, "Well then, Cole can stay in Bull's tent tonight and Scarlett can stay in mine."

"No," Cole said, almost immediately. Odd...

"No?"

"No. I don't need sleep. Bull's loud anyway, it wouldn't be pleasant."

"You slept last night though, Cole?"

"No, I wandered around the camp, picked some flowers. I don't sleep."

"So what's your proposition then, Inquisitor?" said Dorian.

Scarlett thought about for a moment,

"How about this: we could alternate. You, Dorian, share a tent with Bull tonight and tomorrow we'll switch and I'll be with Bull."

"You're suggesting this only because you want me to be smushed by the giant this evening?" 

"That is one reason."

He groaned but complied as he got up and went to Bull's tent.

"Awww, don't be disappointed. You like it." Bull said.

"I'll enjoy this as much as I would enjoy being swallowed by a rage demon."

Dorian climbed in and Scarlett tried very hard to suppress her laugh as they closed the tent flap. She swore she'd heard him gag, or something close to it,

"Vishante kaffas! Don't you ever bathe?"

"Sometimes. You want to watch, don't you?"

 "I'd rather stand upwind."

"Human sweat smells like pork that's been sitting in the sun. Just saying."

She laughed, and Dorian groaned again. This would be a rather interesting night.

 

As Scarlett was about to fall asleep in her tent, the most obnoxious sound in the history of Thedas pulled her back in: Bull's snoring. Dorian cursed before putting a spell on him so he'd stop. Scarlett couldn't imagine how the Qunari managed to sleep at all with how much noise he made. 

Another sound got her attention shortly after. A hum. Faint and soft, and far off in the distance. It sounded like Cole. She couldn't tell what song it was, or if it was a song at all and rather just a simple tune. but it was sure as hell better than the ear-aching snores that Bull produced. Maybe he was doing it to help them go back to sleep... A minute went by and she could confidently say that if that was the case, it definitely worked. She'd never fallen asleep so fast since she was a baby.

Notes:

Some smut is approaching in the near future

Chapter 20: Bull's Suggestion

Summary:

What the fuck did Scarlett sign herself up for?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

"An annoyance, a distraction, but he doesn't mind. He tells himself otherwise, but he knows," said Cole, kicking his legs against the stone wall faster.

Scarlett sat next to him as they looked over the sunny, snowy mountain-scape, highly intrigued.

"Cole, how long has this been going on?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. Their thoughts weren't so loud before, but they grew more noticeable over time. Now they think about eachother, lying awake, clutched breaths, conflicting thoughts, wondering if both will be together on the next journey."

Scarlett laughed, convincing herself that she was actually hearing this.

"Thank you, Cole. This is best blackmail material I've ever received."

"Dorian would not like you to blackmail him."

"If he knew a secret of mine I wouldn't like to be let loose, he better like it."

"I see, the feeling is the blackmail."

She nodded, "Do either of them plan to act on this feeling? Dorian and Bull? The other night they sounded as if they were an old couple."

"No."

Well, that was fast.

"No? That's disappointing."

Cole halted his kicking and looked off to the side. He was concentrating on something. 

"Iron Bull's thoughts are... currently preoccupied."

She was confused by his sudden change in demeanor, "What does that mean-"

"Hey, Red? You got a second?" Iron Bull approached, dragging away Scarlett's attention. 

"One moment, I'm talking to C..."

A gust of wind blew from behind her and she looked back, expecting to see the spirit still sitting on the wall, but Cole was gone. Why was she surprised?

"Talking to yourself?" he laughed.

Scarlett sighed, "Yes, obviously."

"Alright, you're free then. Come on, let's go somewhere more private."

Bull started walking to the nearest tower, not paying attention to the fact Scarlett wasn't following him. She stood, contemplating why 'private'. It took a moment, but when he realized she wasn't behind him, he turned back and tossed his arms up.

"Come on?"

"What are you doing?"

He looked at her like he had no idea why she'd be cautious, "Just follow me, unless you're not up to it."

"...Fine."

Unsure of what to expect, she followed the Qunari until they reached the tower that connected to the tavern. When they entered, he closed the door behind her and Scarlett quickly realized that this was his bedroom. Food littering an area of the floor by his bed, and an axe protruding from the bottom of the bed certainly said a lot about his character. She looked at him questioningly and was about to call him out before he spoke again.

"Okay, before you yell at me, I just want to say something."

She crossed her arms, "Uh-huh."

Bull looked away and bit his lip before beginning, "Back at the Plains, I noticed since we sealed that first rift there that you haven't been feeling that great. On the way back, the spirit guy- Cole said that thing, about your headache."

Scarlett shook her head, "Cole tends to care a little too much about those things."

"Did you have a migraine?"

"Maybe?"

"You know why?"

"Because of my job," she moved her hands to her hips, "You're playing dumb. What are you getting at?"

 

He stepped closer to her, "I know you have a lot on your shoulders right now."

He scratched his chin, gaze moving slowly from her eyes to her lips. Scarlett wasn't quite sure how it made her feel. It wasn't necessarily bad, though...

"I have a small proposition, a suggestion, maybe."

She didn't say anything but raised a brow to tell him she was listening.

"You're overwhelmed, I saw that clearly back at Haven and I see it now. I'm not the only one either. I know you're not the one to talk about your feelings or spill your heart out to someone, I'm not gonna make you do that. My idea is just the opposite."

Of course it'd lead to this. Scarlett wasn't going to let him have that moment of satisfactory, "You want to have sex with me to 'remove some of the weight off my shoulders' or something?"

"That's not all," He took a few steps closer and the air began to feel thin around them, like it was getting harder for her to breathe.

"I've seen how you look at me. You're curious, aren't you?"

She'd be fibbing if she said she'd never thought about what it would be like to bed the Qunari. With everything he's said and everything she's heard, how could she not have? Chantry sisters, serving girls and even Dorian mother-fucking Pavus has thought about this. She hadn't thought about it much, it had been more of a thing kept at the back of her mind that she rarely ever pulled out. But now she had the chance to act on it, even if it wasn't much. There wasn't much to restrain her curiosity at the moment, except Dorian. With her new information, she wasn't sure it'd be good to sleep with her friend's new crush,

"I am a little... but I can contain it."

His gaze on her was heavy, and his voice grew deeper, huskier, yet not verging on the edge of falseness or desperation,

"Do you want to, though?"

This man knew how to seduce, and suddenly everything about him was sexier than it had been when they first entered the room. Even the eye-patch was kinda hot. It didn't help he was shirtless, either.

"Instead I could help you... explore that ?"

Bull brought his face closer to hers, slowly maneuvering his hand around the dip of her waist and pulling her to him. Fuck it. If it's simply one and done, it can't hurt. Scarlett didn't have to think about it, for she already knew the answer as soon he started talking about her stress,

"Not now."

Puzzled, Bull pulled back a little, but still kept her close.

"Later, tonight. In my quarters. I'd rather not have sex in a bed with an entire pie under it."

They both looked over to Bull's bed which most definitely had a pie underneath to complement the rest of the food.

"What's wrong with pie?"

Scarlett gave him a look and he complied.

"Okay, that's fine..." he turned his gaze back to her and resumed the sexual persona, "Waiting for it will make the moment that I conquer you that much better."

She placed a hand on his chest and pushed him away teasingly, "Don't get that idea. I won't be conquered by anyone," then she walked back towards the door.

Her breath caught when his tongue darted out and wet his lips, "You say that now, but you'll disagree tonight."

Scarlett closed the door behind her before walking along the battlements, processing what in fuck's name she'd just agreed to.

As she turned her thoughts back to what Cole said just a few minutes before, Scarlett decided she would probably need to use that blackmail material very, very soon.

Notes:

Hopefully, this smut coming soon will be better than the first one. May take a while for it to get here though because I think the next chapter's going to be the longest of them all so far.

Chapter 21: Cutting Loose (NSFW)

Summary:

She's off to ride the Bull

Notes:

I think this may not actually be complete shit so let's see how this goes

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Scarlett wasn't sure what time she should go to her quarters, or if she should go at all. She hadn't seen Iron Bull all day since they talked, so, during the early evening, she went to the tavern to investigate his whereabouts, assuming he was probably in the tavern. To her surprise, there was no Bull. He wasn't at the bar or in his normal chair, but the chargers were there. 

He might already be waiting for her.

Oh Maker.

She wasn't nervous. Bull may be the... strangest partner she's agreed to take on, but the man he was or the reputation he gathered didn't intimidate her one bit. 

Well... maybe a little... but only because of how much of a beast he is.

Though this probably happened with anyone that slept with him that wasn't Qunari, everything that involved size was a little daunting to think about.

She creaked open the door to her quarters, half expecting to see Bull there, but didn't. Up the stairs she went, and not a single noise. Scarlett began to wonder if he was in her quarters at all until she made it to the top and turned around.

On her bed sat the eight-foot Qunari, hand perched on his thigh and an expression on his face that Scarlett couldn't describe.

"I almost started to think you wouldn't come," he moved at a slow pace, eyes transfixed on her own with an impish hunger to them.

"Neither did I."

It didn't take long before strong arms enveloped her and lips nearly met her own, but she pushed him away for a moment,

"Two things before we do this."

"Alright."

"One: nothing too crazy. I don't want to see forty pieces of... equipment flying around my face."

Bull smiled, "Easy, only brought three."

"and two: we're only doing this once."

"Fine with me," he breathed as he pulled her close again, but this time sliding his arm lower until he had a firm grip on her ass.

"Permission to begin?"

She nodded and almost immediately his lips were on hers, warm and smoother than she was expecting and she had to stifle a gasp at the sudden urgency. He lifted her up by her thighs and carried her towards the bed without a moment wasted. He held her by the ass with one hand and was stripping her with the other, holding her up like she weighed nothing. When she felt her back land on the soft sheets, her shirt had already been thrown to the side and her trousers were about to join. Bull paused a few seconds to strip himself of the little clothing he wore, not taking his eyes off of Scarlett. 

"You got freckles everywhere," he said as the pants came off, leaving him only in his small undergarments, which didn't do much to hide the obvious fucking monster between his legs.

She swallowed, trying to focus on his comment, one that so many others have made in the past, "So I've been told."

As she was about to sit up, Bull pushed her down and made quick work of her breast band and smalls. When she expected him to start going for it, he reached underneath the bed and pulled out two long pieces of cloth. He'd hidden the equipment under her bed?

More slowly and a bit more sensually, he tied up both of her wrists and pinned them at the headboard before tying another knot at the back. Now her hands were bound and she was at his will.

"This is okay?" he asked, checking each knot to make sure it wouldn't come loose easily.

"Yeah," Scarlett said, nearly breathless. Everything seemed to happen so fast she could barely process it. Then he studied her again and she felt that vulnerable feeling that you always feel at some point when sleeping with a new person. This feeling was elevated, though, with not only all her skin bare but her hands tied. 

"Listen close to me. I want you to relax. You don't have to do a thing, I don't want you to do a thing other than lie there and let me do all the work. I'm the one in charge right now. Understand?"

She didn't like being given orders. Not in bed, not ever, but this felt okay, a bit strange, but okay. Right now, it was okay to not be the one leading.

"Mhm."

Bull looked up and down her body one more time before getting up and walking to the side of the bed. He pulled out a small bottle with some liquid in it, also while grabbing a towel. Lube? He stood over her again, lifting her up by her hips to place the towel underneath her before pouring a small amount of the liquid in his palm, lathering it on his other hand. 

Scarlett let out an unsteady breath as he took her calves in his hands and began to massage her legs.

"Don't ask questions. I don't want you to talk. Talk only when I give you permission, unless you feel uncomfortable, or want me to stop."

His grip moved from her calves slowly upward, covering every inch of her legs in the slick liquid all the way to her hips. When he turned his attention to her inner thighs she had to bite back a small groan. His huge hands knew how to knead and work through skin, and they moved over hers with ease. Bull stopped to lube his hands a bit more before moving on to her stomach. Scarlett noticed his movements were so much more gradual, measured than when they first started. Like he was almost counting the freckles on her belly button after he took his hands from there. Each part of her body he made sure he felt thoroughly until it turned into putty in his grip. 

He suddenly leaned down and kissed the gap between her breasts and she was barely able to stifle the moan that almost broke through. 

"Don't hold them back. I want to hear you."

That wasn't difficult. He took one of her hardened buds between his lips and Scarlett finally let out a groan. His tongue moved in long, languid circles before he stood back up, much to Scarlett's dismay. Luckily his mouth was swiftly replaced by his lubed hands, thumbs teasing and swiping each bud gently, almost tortuously. She pulled against her restraints, wanting to grab his arms and press them down harder, but she knew it wasn't that easy. After another minute of massaging her torso, Bull gave a quick warning before flipping her over on her stomach. She couldn't really see what he was doing very well now, but the hands that began sliding up and down her back felt so good she couldn't help but close her eyes and give in to his touch. 

How long has it been since she's had a decent massage like this? Scarlett couldn't remember.

Bull found a knot near where her neck met her shoulder and worked that area until it loosened.

"Ah, shit," she said before realizing, and immediately felt a hand on her ass, hard and fast. 

She almost yelped in surprise, but Bull started talking, "I didn't say you could talk. Moan all you like, but don't speak."

Scarlett couldn't help but laugh.

"What if I like-"

Smack

She moaned, feeling a rush of wetness from between her legs

"Fuck, do that again."

Smack

Smack

He grabbed the area he just hit and kneaded it like he did with her back. She liked how that felt, so she didn't speak again. Bull didn't spend a lot of time on her ass before flipping her over again. 

Now she could see his face, eyes hooded and dark, filled with lust. She assumed hers probably looked the same. His fingers trailed downwards and to the area just above her center, where he teased going further before pulling away and returning his attention to her inner thighs. What came next was just a repeated cycle of teasing. Edging so close to where Scarlett wanted to be touched, but not quite getting there. Wet fingers feeling everywhere around but never going in.  His gaze moved from her core to her face, reveling in the fact he's made her throb with desire without even touching her most sensitive area. She wanted to hate him for the satisfaction he's getting but was too far gone to think about it for long. 

When he finally did touch her he glided his middle finger lightly across her opening, feeling the slickness she'd secreted. Scarlett nearly growled when his hands completely abandoned her body altogether. 

"You want me to touch you?"

His tone was so deep and musing she felt herself become wetter just from the sound alone.

"Yes, Bull!"

"Or should I make you wait, since you didn't obey me earlier?"

"Come on, please."

He smirked while wiping some of the lube off his hands and onto the towel. "You'll be good?"

Fuck, he was enjoying this way too much. Scarlett was too turned on to care, though, "Yes, I won't talk again."

She all but begged before Bull grabbed both of her legs, spreading them open wide, "Alright then."

Two of his fingers returned to her center, teasing the entrance. It was light, but still gave her some of the friction she needed.

They rubbed in slow, back in forth moments that made Scarlett lean her head back and close her eyes. She didn't see him change positions, only focusing on the gentle movements of his fingers, so when she felt his tongue slide across her bundle of nerves she yelped and her eyes shot open. When she saw his eyes piercing into hers in return she leaned back down and moaned again. His hands moved to her legs to keep them spread while his mouth continued to taste, kiss and lick her clit steadily and with so much skill she definitely understood what all the fuss was among the serving girls.

She was already so turned on from the massage, so wet from his teasing she already felt herself start to come undone with each concentrated movement of his tongue. Her hands pulled on her restraints, wanting so desperately to be loose so she could grip onto his head, or horns, or whatever she could grasp. Even the bed sheets would suffice. The pace of his tongue grew quicker, and he applied just that much more pressure to have Scarlett was moaning so loudly anyone in the courtyard could possibly hear.

As her orgasm grew nearer, she heard the soft sound of cloth ripping and looked up to see her wrists were red as her hair and the bindings were starting to rip at the seams. She glanced back down to see if Bull had noticed, only to see his eyes were still locked on her own, which sent her over the edge, nearly screaming as her back arched off the bed. 

His actions slowed until she started to come down from her high, which is when he stood back up again. 

He laughed and licked his lips, "You're louder than I expected."

"No shit," she barely got out in between her uneven breaths. 

Bull rubbed his fingers against her opening again before easing one of them in, pumping slowly. 

This made her realize how much bigger his fingers were than an average mans'. When he added a second one, she groaned and he curled them both ever so slightly as they delved in deeper. 

Then he tried to add a third, and as it passed the lips of her entrance she winced, making him pull out, "Did that hurt?"

"A little."

He raised them to his mouth and sucked her juices off them one by one. Scarlett glanced down and saw the undeniable bulge that was practically screaming to be released from its confinement. As if on cue, he finally pulled his smalls off and his cock sprung free, hard and bigger than anyone she's ever seen. 

If his fingers felt big...

Maker help her.

Before she had the chance to examine him like she wanted she was flipped over again. She heard him rubbing more lube in his palm and then hands were on her center again, teasing, delving inside, only to tease some more. 

"Get on your knees and put your hands on the headboard."

She didn't protest, but soon realized her knees were basically jelly at this point, and wrists slightly sore from pulling at the cloth. Speaking of the cloth, it was so loose she didn't even need to use a fire spell to burn it and release her. One more strong tug and her arms would be free. She didn't know how Bull would react, though, and he didn't appear to check the state of the restraints, so she stayed put. Scarlett hardly felt like doing anything anyway after he put his fingers inside her again. With the lube, three fingers this time almost felt like nothing. She wanted more.

Bull groaned, slowing the movements of his hand. She thought he might be lubing his cock.

He pressed his tip against her entrance, tormenting her with soft strokes that made her whimper and whine.

"Tell me what you want."

He was going to try and get ever last plead and beg out of her if he could.

"You inside me."

She could tell he was getting impatient with his own game. His own desire overtook him as he slipped inside her slowly, paying attention to her body's reactions.

"Good girl," he breathed as he pushed into her as deep as he could go before sliding out, thrusting in and out and quickly forming a steady pace. 

Scarlett's head felt dizzy and she couldn't concentrate on how good his cock felt because the words kept pounding in her head.

Good girl

Her fingers on the headboard started to shake, but she willed herself against it. No, she couldn't focus on that now. She needed to relax. This is Bull, this isn't in the Circle nor is he who she associates those words with so well. 

The last thrust was hesitant. Of course this Ben-Hassareth can see she's troubled.

"Are you okay?" he asked, running his hand down her back soothingly. Like he was trying to comfort her.

She hoped he wouldn't see through her lie, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Haven't had sex with a man... in a while so-"

He almost pulled out completely, cutting herself off with her own moan.

"You sure?"

"Mhm. Keep going."

Obviously, he didn't mind that answer at all. Bull waited only another moment before thrusting back in, long but harder, hitting that spot inside of her that caused her toes to curl. After that he was relentless. All the teasing got to his senses and it made his self-control dwindle into his pool of lust and desire.

Each timed he pumped his cock into her his motions became more and more carnal, increasing speed as he moved harder, growling and groaning. His hands gripped her still-lubed hips so hard she thought there might be a bruise tomorrow. Scarlett did all she could not to curse and stick to her other noises which, at this point, if the people in the courtyard didn't hear her, they were probably deaf. She could've sworn she'd cussed a few times, but Bull hardly seemed to notice, lost in how tight and wet she was around his cock. 

The bed creaked underneath to their efforts as she moved her hips to meet his thrusts, relishing the sound their skin made when they joined. It was all just so fucking hot.

The way it twitched inside her told her he was close. She felt herself climbing there too, but knew she probably wouldn't get there again. She could never finish just with penetration, no matter how good she was fucked. She thought that is until he reached around her hip and began rubbing the little bundle of nerves as hard and as fast as he was pounding into her. She cried out, gripping the headboard as hard as she could and felt Bull finally spill himself inside her. He didn't stop the speed of his hand, though, and soon after he was spent she felt herself crash over those familiar waves, and dissolve into nothing in his hands. 

For a moment, the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing... but there was something else. A crackling noise?

It wasn't until Bull said, "Shit," did she look up and see that where her hands were on the headboard were currently on fire. The cloth binding her arms was gone, probably burned to bits. He quickly slid out of her as she calmed the flames down with an ice spell, seeping coldness into the air, which made the air and the bed feel much cooler than just a moment ago. The sweat that covered both of their bodies helped fight off the cold. Scarlett couldn't help but laugh as she collapsed on her back, still trembling from the force of that last orgasm. Bull looked surprised, but laughed with her all the same.

"Does that happen often?" he said, touching the spot where the ice was beginning to fade, revealing a crumbling, blackened spot in the headboard with two not so mysterious handprints to compliment.

"Sometimes. I can't recall the last time it happened, however."

She lied there in contentment, with Bull next to her, for a few minutes after, waiting for their breathing to steady and their highs to completely come down. Then he propped himself on an elbow, staring at her with that same satisfaction until his eyes danced around the room.

"You got any wine in here?"

 

Two minutes later they were sitting on opposite sides of the couch in front of the fireplace, a soft fur blanket covering their bodies and a glass of wine in each of their hands. Scarlett managed to wipe off most of the lube from her skin as he poured them each a glass, so as not to get it all over the sofa.

The silence between them was comfortable, but she couldn't help breaking it,

"You're pretty happy with yourself, aren't you?"

Bull didn't look at her directly, but scrunched his eyebrows,

"What do you mean?"

She took a sip before putting the glass down next to her,

"You did it, you finally conquered the all high and mighty Inquisitor. That's what you wanted even before."

Scarlett thought of the time in the tavern back at Haven and Bull's drunk self getting way in over his head. She didn't think she'd even have to spell it out for him. 

"I didn't have sex with you just to get some... trophy out of it, or whatever."

She didn't completely believe that, "Really?"

"No. Mainly because I thought about how you reacted when we talked, you know, after Haven went to shit."

"I was just overwhelmed then more than anything, I think."

"Maybe, but I can feel your frustration. Not just in how you fight, but how you act. Sometimes you need to just... cut loose."

He was right, of course. There was more than he knew, though. He just wasn't going to say anything.

"I suppose releasing frustrations in ways other than killing have been difficult to find... as of late."

"I wasn't even going to try anything on you, honestly. I figured you would find help once you realized you needed it. That and... those things Cole said, back at the plains, not just the migraine thing, but about Cullen..."

Cullen? Why would he...

"That’s not a problem. The commander and I aren't together. I don't know why everyone keeps teasing me about it."

"I know, but you at least care about him.."

Scarlett shook her head. She wasn't going to flat out deny it, but she didn't want to accept anything like that right now either.

"I don't know, but it doesn't change anything," she paused to down the rest of her wine, "Even if we somehow got together, it wouldn't work. A mage and a templar. Sounds ridiculous."

"I bet there's been stranger."

Probably, but right now, the idea was pretty strange. No matter how much she wanted it. She got a thought as she looked at him, suddenly remembering the talk before she'd agreed to let him in her bed.

Oh boy, there's been stranger...

"That reminds me... Why don't you indulge me on something?"

"Alright," he brought the wine to his lips again.

"Tell me about this little... infatuation you've developed for our favorite Tevinter mage."

He almost choked on the wine he just swallowed.

"How did you-"

"Someone in our party is a very good source for juicy secrets."

Bull thought about it for a moment before seeming to get it.

"Okay, we're not talking about that."

"We just discussed my whole situation the least you could do is spill some information of yours."

Bull grumbled, "It's... complicated."

"Yes."

"And I honestly don't know what's happening."

"Don't tell me you've slept together or this will be weird."

"No, no," he chuckled, "The opposite. He acts all proud, never says he's interested. But the body language, the way he gives me long, side glances that last for minutes at a time tell me otherwise."

"And that's why you don't let up? On the flirting?"

"I don't know if he hates it or wants me to keep going."

"Or both?"

They laughed, then Bull sat up, finishing the last bit of his drink,

"You could ask him. You two are good friends now, right?"

Oh no, that'd end very badly. If Dorian even find out Scarlett knew it wouldn't be pretty.

"I think he'd rather jump off my balcony than tell anyone."

"Perhaps."

He put the glass down before getting up, "This was fun. Shame we can't do it again." 

His clothes, scattered around the bed soon made their way back on his body and Scarlett had the urge to put hers on also, but then remembered there's no need. This is her room and it's nightfall, anyway. 

Bull sighed, resting his hand on the railing.

"Have a good night, boss."

"Goodnight," she said as he went downwards. 

After the door closed behind him, she thought she'd heard him speak. To himself or to someone she couldn't say. She hoped it was to himself. Scarlett looked at the empty glass in her hand, then to her bed and the headboard that was now ruined beyond repair, probably. How she was going to tell Josephine she needed a new bed without mentioning why she didn't want to think about right now. That was one of the many issues that could wait till morning.

Notes:

If Cullen hadn't been a romance option, my main romance would've 110% been Iron Bull. Or Cassandra, but probably Bull.

Chapter 22: Choking

Summary:

Secrets don't really stay secrets in Skyhold

Chapter Text

 

When she woke up the next morning, every limb in her body felt rejuvenated. Any tenseness that formed in her muscles or stiffness in her bones would be gone for the day, and for that, she was very grateful.

Other than that, it was hard to say whether it was entirely worth it. Scarlett felt like something just wasn't right with what happened last night, which didn't make any sense. She'd had dozens of one-night stands, but this one stood out from the rest. She thought maybe it was because of what he said that reminded her of Nerianna, but that couldn't be the reason. People said things like that all the time, but it never affected her then like it did last night. Overall, though, Bull did succeed. That night's sleep was the best Scarlett had in a long time. Overall, she was slightly glad she accepted Iron Bull's request. What she wasn't glad about was the sly side glance that Varric gave her after she left her quarters. 

"Yes, Varric?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, Freckles, right?"

She didn't know how to respond to that, so she just raised an eyebrow and moved on. 

 

    Scarlett went to the kitchens and got herself a warm tea to start what she was hoping would be a mostly relaxing day, and planned to talk to either Cassandra or Cole, someone who probably wouldn't tease her about what happened last night, but on her way to the courtyard, an early war room meeting was called. Probably because Leliana's people located the missing Seekers. Cassandra was going to be pleased. 


As she approached, she heard either Leliana or Josephine snicker from the other side of the door. Her advisors all greeted her when she walked in and got down to business as usual, but there was an unnatural grin on Leliana's face that just wouldn't go away, and it made Scarlett suspicious. She didn't care though, she just focused on her nice cup of tea. 
After Josephine and Cullen finished up with their reports, Leliana got Scarlett's attention before they called an end to the meeting.

"Can I ask you something, Inquisitor?"

Scarlett laid the cup down gently, "Okay?"

"Do you feel... better?"

She immediately knew what her spymaster was trying to make her do. Damn Nightingale knew everything that went on in these castle walls, of course she couldn't avoid telling her.

"Better? I haven't been injured recently."

Leliana put down her papers and that smirk came back to her face, "It's simply, you seem more... awake than when we usually have early meetings. Do you know why?"

From the look on Cullen and Josephine's faces, they had no idea what Leliana was getting at, but they didn't pay much attention, consumed in their own work.

"Maybe I just had a better night's sleep. Why do you ask?"

Scarlett took another long sip of her tea because damn did she need it if this conversation was heading where she thought it was.

Josephine was invested now as Leliana tried to act busy again,

"Oh, I was only wondering why I saw... a certain... Iron-Bull-leave-your-quarters-late-last-night."

 

She choked.

The tea wanted to go down the wrong way and almost came from her nose and Scarlett coughed over and over again.

Josephine was laughing, eyes wide and glancing from Scarlett, the heaping mess of an Inquisitor to Leliana, who was very proud of herself, surely. Cullen, whose attention was definitely caught, looked like he wanted to disappear. It all made sense, though. The person Bull was talking to was probably Leliana, and if not, one of her messengers that went to tell their Nightingale right after. 

Leliana didn't even say it exactly, but every soul in the room understood what Iron-bull-leaving-your-quarters-last-night meant. 

It almost took a whole minute for her to stop coughing, and when she finally did, she knew she couldn't say anything to revive from this mess,

"I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

Her spymaster shook her head, "Maybe not."

To Scarlett's surprise, Cullen was the one to step in next,

"Can we move on to related matters now, or are we done here?"

"No, I think this is what we're talking about now," said Leliana, causing the Commander eyes to roll.

She gave Leliana a look, one to tell her that she can't talk about this now with certain people in the room. Thankfully, she shut up.

 


 

    Why Cullen was in the courtyard with Cassandra, hitting the dummies over and over with his sword, he couldn't say. He felt the urge, and that was all it took. Cassandra didn't ask why either, only glad about Leliana's people finding the missing Seekers, it seemed.

For a little while, he trained like he usually did, controlled strikes, not too hard either, so as not to damage the dummy very much. Over time though, with each time he struck, the more force he put in until there was a noticeable difference between the way he and Cassandra were fighting. She stopped for a minute, wondering why he was so angry all of a sudden. 

"Um, Cull-"

The dummy head was gone, and Cullen finally realized how hard he was hitting. He dropped the blade and wiped his sweat-drenched forehead. 

"Are you alright, Commander?" said Cassandra, who had also put down her weapon.

Cullen wasn't sure of the answer himself, "Y-yes. I believe so."

"Is the pain worse today?"

Oh, right. The withdrawal...

Strange, he'd hardly thought about that at all this morning. How could it be the reason for this though? When the pain kicks in, all he typically wants to do is curl into a ball in his office until the memories go away and the pain recedes. 

"I can't say..."

Cassandra took off her gloves and breastplate,

"Well, if you need something, do come speak with me later. I'm going to clean up."

 

Cullen wasn't sure what to do after she left other than work, which he really didn't feel like doing now, so he went to sharpen his sword since the armory wasn't far anyway. As he walked to one of the grindstones, he saw Iron Bull with one of his chargers, a dwarf that Cullen didn't know the name of. He automatically didn't want to be in there anymore, but the Qunari called his name as he was about to turn around and leave. 

"Can we use the shields again? You wanted me to tell you the next time we-"

"Do whatever you want, just bring them back when you're done."

The dwarf spoke up, "Someone's in a sour mood today."

"If that isn't every day," said Bull, "Thanks, Cullen."

Cullen didn't waste any time in leaving after that, rushing up to his office so he can bury himself in his work because ultimately, that'd be the only way he can forget about whatever is bothering him so much. He wasn't going to bother to watch what Bull was doing with the shields. There was something in him that didn't even want to look at the Qunari right now. 

Chapter 23: Surprise From Ostwick

Summary:

People from the past have come back, but to do what exactly?

Chapter Text

Back to the Storm Coast. Words Scarlett hoped she wouldn’t have to hear again, at least for a while. She, Dorian, Cassandra, and Varric journeyed there only because of a bird that delivered Leliana a torn letter in the middle of the night. The handwriting was messy and hardly legible, but with help, she was able to read most of it. It said very little, but enough to grab attention. An Inquisition camp by the rocky waters of the Storm Coast had been ambushed by Venatori. Now, the soldiers that were there were being held hostage in a cave nearby. The Inquisition needed to aid them or else, and the rest was either torn up or the ink had bled. Multiple things were odd about this situation, causing Scarlett and the advisors to wonder. Nevertheless, the party went to investigate.

 

As they tracked through the mud and rocks, Cassandra brought up a point the advisors had addressed earlier,

"Why would Venatori bother to take prisoners from one camp? Don't they know we have hundreds of others?"

Dorian shrugged, "Perhaps they grew bored of the usual killings and sacrifices. Thought they might try something new?"

"You think they'd be this bored to go through the trouble?" Scarlett asked, but didn't object. Dorian knew more about these cultists than her. No matter how weird it may seem.

"I don't know. I'm just as baffled as the rest of you," he sighed, "But if you want my honest opinion: even if they are expecting us, they've probably already done something to them. If they're not dead, they might wish they were."

The mood grew solemn, and no one spoke after that. Especially when they approached the camp where the ambush had supposedly took place, though it didn't appear so.

It was abandoned, but every torch that hadn't been put out by the rain was still lit, lanterns still burned and nothing was burned, destroyed or otherwise damaged. The camp was practically untouched. The only off-putting thing you could see on the outside was the dried bloodstains covering an assortment of items, which were quickly washing away from the sea air.

Varric checked a perfect barrel, which still had plenty of useful supplies, and scoffed,

"Did they decide to clean up after the ambush or something?"

"I don't see why they'd bother. Especially if the Venatori want us to come after them," said Dorian, feeling a spot of dried blood on one of the tables. It wiped off with just a few strokes of his thumb. 

Scarlett noticed, "The blood couldn't have been recent. We received the letter four days ago."

"Who knows. I won't be surprised at anything at this point," Dorian looked over to where Cassandra was.

She peered inside one of the tents before quickly bring her head back out, "We have a casualty here."

The rest of the party approached the tent, then Scarlett went first to see the damage. Yes, there was a dead Inquisition solider, but you could've mistaken him for sleeping. It wasn't until Scarlett scooched closer did she see a thin and dark line tracing his throat, but there was no blood. It almost seemed like she was observing the scene of an assassination the kill was so clean. 

"Venatori aren't always so pristine with their killings, right Dorian?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. It could depend on circumstance, though I don't know what those circumstances would be."

 

The group didn't spend long at the camp before seeking out the cave, which was only half a mile far. 

There was clear signs of Venatori there. One mage with a spear through the heart lay on a rock near the entrance. This blood was definitely recent and was still dripping from the wound. That scene in itself was just as confusing as their situation. Were the Inquisition soldiers able to kill one of their captors as they were taken hostage? It didn't make sense unless these were stupid and weak Venatori, which were usually weren't weak and very rarely stupid, coming from Tevinter anyway. Scarlett may have just been looking too deeply into this. It didn't matter though, since their answer was just inside, past the layers of darkness and stone.

Cassandra unsheathed her sword and took her shield from her back, nearly hitting Varric in the face in the process.

The dwarf brought Bianca out and gave her a look, "Careful Seeker, don't get all worked up on me."

"I'm am not worked up, certainly not on you. We don't know what we'll find in here."

Scarlett went in first, drawing fire from her hands to make what light she could. She didn't need her staff for many simple spells like this. 

As they delved further, she saw there were torches to light, of course, so she and Dorian were the only hope that they could see at all in this place. Scarlett hated caves. She'd never been in one since she became the Herald, but once she went in and came out the first time, she'd never want to go back. Maybe it was her small amount of claustrophobia or all the darkness and unknown. She felt her feet step in puddles, plants and something else Maker knew what it was and all she wanted was to find what's left of the soldiers and get out. 

She turned a corner and saw small patches of yellowish orange began to appear a not too far away. Scarlett walked faster, not really caring about all the noise she was making by stepping in the puddles. The light grew brighter and warmer with each step until her party found themselves at a door. She glanced at Cassandra when she placed her hand on the wood, and the Seeker replied with a nod. Gripping her staff, she pushed the door open but didn't see what any of them were expecting. 

 

    When on the other side they thought there'd be Venatori mages with knives at Inquisition soldier throats, there were Templars, five or six, lying on the ground, bloodied and bruised, but still breathing. In the back of the room, there was a pile of dead Venatori, with a few dead Inquisition soldiers around them. 

"Finally," one spoke, groaning as he tried to sit up straighter, "We didn't think anyone would come."

Scarlett stepped closer to assess the damages, and that's when she recognized the man. That scar on his forehead, long, black hair the same color of his eyes and the wrinkled cheeks had always been burned into her memory. She froze where she stood quickly glancing around the room.

She realized she must know half the men in here from the Circle

"Templars? What are you doing here?" the Seeker asked, kneeling in front of the knight.

He was clutching his stomach, just near the end of his breastplate. The wound was deep and bloody, judging by the amount of blood soaking his palm. 

"Lord Seeker Lucius sent a few groups of us here a week ago. Thought it was another normal mission, but it turns out we were being sent out for slaughter."

"By the Lord Seeker? Why?"

Another one stepped in, one of the few that was able to stand, "He'd been speaking of betrayal not long before. Swore to us that he wouldn't waste his time with traitors. He must've thought we weren't loyal enough to the cause."

Scarlett saw a hole in this story she couldn't ignore,

"Are you not Red Templars? I thought Corypheus corrupted the lot of you."

The one with the scar examined her after she finished. Like he was seeing an old friend for the first time in years. Except Scarlett never saw him as a friend.

"I know you," he said.

"I'd be surprised if you didn't. Herald thingy, Inquisitor and all that."

The Templar suddenly had the strength to stand and step closer to her, "Lady Trevelyan of Ostwick, first to Senior Enchanter Lydia."

"I see your memory hasn't failed you yet, Knight Captain Davin."

"That's Knight Commander to you now," his tone was almost threatening.

Meanwhile, the rest of the party was very confused. 

Varric most of all, "What?"

"I was positioned at the Ostwick Circle for many years. So was Ser Finnegan here," he pointed to one of the men on the ground, "Ser Colgan and Ser Ward. I'm sure the Inquisitor remembers us, especially me, very well."

Scarlett turned away from him, "Too well I'm sure."

She moved to the pile of dead Venatori, awaiting an explanation from them. 

"Ah, of course. You see, we never intended to be involved in this... debacle. We came in while your men were being held hostage. We attempted to free them, but the Venatori outnumbered all of us with your men combined." 

There was something about the urgency that could have made someone believe him, but the disinterest in his tone that hid behind his words made Scarlett think otherwise.

"We tried to save them, we really did, but-"

"Are all the soldiers dead?" Cassandra asked.

"There should be one alive. He escaped in the middle of the fighting."

Dorian stepped in, "Perhaps he was the one we saw at the camp? The one that wrote the letter?"

"So you met him?" The Knight Commander raised a brow.

Varric sighed, "Met his corpse, if that even counts."

Cassandra took one of the weaker Templars and steadied him so he could walk,

"We should take them back to Skyhold. Cullen could find some use for them."

Help them? Bring them to Skyhold? If Davin was still anything like he was when Scarlett was in the Circle, that couldn't happen.

"Couldn't they be Red Templars? How do we know they're telling the truth?"

"I agree," said Dorian, "We shouldn't accept these Templars so eagerly. We only just met them."

Davin scowled at Dorian, "I've known Lady Trevelyan longer than anyone in here, I assure you."

"All the more reason to take her word rather than yours."

The Knight Commander didn't say anything else, instead choosing to help one of the other Templars.

Cassandra began to head toward the exit, "You're not simply going to leave them here, are you?"

They would be fine on their own.

"I...guess not. I better not regret this, though. Davin?"

He smirked, following the Seeker, "I doubt you would, My Lady."

"Don't call me that," Scarlett ordered, helping Varric with one another wounded man. The last two were able to walk on their own. 

The journey through the rock and slush was much longer and more annoying than when they first came in. Especially since Davin couldn't shut up about the Circle, and how oh so well he and the Inquisitor got along in her younger years. Oh if they knew what kind of person he really is, or what the truth really was.

"You know, Scarl-Your Worship, you seem to have lost that... gentleness and delicacy I remember so well."

"Good. I don't like being delicate."

"But I do recall everyone appreciating it more when you were soft and polite-"

"I don't care what they did or didn't appreciate. Most of 'everyone' is probably dead right now."

Varric laughed, "I can't imagine Lioness ever being gentle or soft about anything."

Davin bit his lip, "There was a time, dwarf."

"I think the Herald is doing perfectly fine being herself," Cassandra said with a huff. Maybe she was as annoyed as Scarlett was with all this stupid talk about what she was.

"Thank you, Cassandra."

 

    The rest of the journey to the nearest, non-abandoned camp was rather peaceful once the Knight Commander started feeling light-headed from his wounds. When he finally fainted from loss of blood, Scarlett was only relieved that Dorian took up the responsibility of carrying him and healing him just enough to reach their destination. 

She had a bad feeling though. If this simple hike was bothering her, what would things be like when they returned to Skyhold? What would Cullen do with these men? Accept them as Inquisition soldiers, if they were up for it? That'd be a nightmare. A complete and utter nightmare.

Chapter 24: A Bad Feeling

Summary:

Cullen and Scarlett have another talk, but things don't always go the way they want.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Cullen couldn't see why the Inquisitor thought adding Templar's from Ostwick was a horrible idea. Sure, no one knew what their true intentions were, but after they all introduced themselves to the advisors, it seemed as if they genuinely wanted to help. They were polite, disciplined, and headstrong as any good Templar could be. The only man Cullen was unsure about was Knight Commander Davin. While on the outside he made it appear he was only there to aid them after being booted by the Lord Seeker, he saw something else there. When the meeting was nearing its end, the man grew more impatient and short with his words. Like he didn't really want to be there but was tolerating it for the good that'd come from it later. Cullen saw this years ago in new Templar recruits who were actually just trying to kiss up to their superior. Whether this was the case with Davin, he couldn't say, but no matter what, the Herald was clearly in favor of them not being in Skyhold at all.

"We have plenty of good soldiers, you don't have to be here," she said. 

Davin softened his voice, "I know, but that's why we're offering. Corypheus is a threat to all of us. I'm ashamed I even came close to being one of his henchmen."

"Well, you can go fight him all you like then, just not for us."

Cullen intervened, "If they truly want to assist us, we should at least give them a chance. We could always do background checks, run tests to be sure they haven't touched Red Lyrium."

"Or is there a bigger reason you don't want us here, My Lady?" The Knight Commander put his hands behind his back, "Is this about the Circle? Because if I offended you or anyone there I assure you it was only because of my orders. Your Commander understands, surely."

Cullen wanted to nod but fought against it.

"It's nothing. Don't bother mentioning anything. We'll run the tests, do the checks. I just hope they find something that'll root you out," she shooed them away with a flick of her hand.

Davin nodded, "Ladies, Commander," and the rest of his men followed close behind as he left the war room.

The four then stood in awkward silence for who knows how long. Everything about the conversation felt so tense Cullen wasn't sure what to think now.

"I assume you two have a history?" Leliana joked, but the Inquisitor wasn't amused.

She shook her head, "More than any of you want to know."

"They seem cordial enough," Josephine reasoned, "like most Templars we've accepted thus far."

"Good fighters, as well. It's been difficult as of late to find Templars such as Davin who haven't gone mad," Cullen added.

The Herald wasn't convinced, "And I would've been fine with any other group of Templars, but it had to be him. Their sudden appearance is strange enough, let alone the circumstances surrounding it."

"Which I already have my people investigating. With all these precautions we're taking, it'd be difficult for any secret they have to be hidden for too long," said Leliana.

"That is the only reason I'm willing to let them stay right now."

 

    The Commander decided that something wasn't right. Why was the Inquisitor so unnerved by these men here? Cullen had never seen her unnerved by anything, and that worried him more than it probably should. A little while after the war meeting concluded, he went looking for her but ended up just standing outside his office, wondering where she'd be. It didn't take long for him to think of an answer.

The tavern.

To his surprise though, she wasn't there. As he glanced around, looking very lost, Bull approached. Cullen was still feeling a bit sour with the Qunari right now, so he greeted him in a way that definitely wasn't as polite as it could've been. Bull didn't have an answer to his question, however, which made him even more confused. 

After that, he figured he shouldn't bother. Maybe the Herald didn't necessarily want to be found right now. He headed up to the third floor of the tavern, passing by a strange looking boy with an equally strange hat as he opened the door to the battlements. Cullen didn't say anything to provoke conversation, but the boy spoke to him as if they'd been having one for the past twenty minutes.

"Her hands tremble and she hates it. Tingly feelings should go away, stay away. In a tower where it's safe. No one can see the fingers here."

He turned around, but saw the boy wasn't even looking at him or had even budged for that matter. There was something so familiar about him...

Then it struck him. He was talking about the Inquisitor. In a tower?

"W-what tower, exactly?" he asked.

"One near your office. She passed by it hoping you'd be there."

Something twitched inside Cullen at the thought. The plan he just made was quickly thrown out because obviously she had been looking for him at some point, if what this boy said was true. 

"You're certain? How do you know this, exactly?"

The boy was silent for a long time, "...I know," was all he said, though.

He wasn't sure if this was the best source for the Inquisitor's whereabouts, but decided it wouldn't hurt to see if he was correct.

 

    The tower's door was closed, so he placed his ear against it to listen for anything. 

When no sound came from the other side, Cullen debated whether he should open it or not. If she was in there, he didn't want to disturb her, and even though the boy said otherwise, he wasn't sure if he should take his word. Did she really want to see him? For work, most likely, yet he couldn't help but wonder if there was more...

Tentatively, he eased the door open.

Someone stood up on the other side before the door was even open all the way.

Cullen peeked his head around and saw it indeed was the Inquisitor, a little more disheveled than usual, and with her hands behind her back.

As she saw it was him, her expression softened, "Oh, hey. Did you need-"

"Is everything alright? I mean, I- no- I didn't mean to intrude-"

"It's fine, you're not... It's simply..." her eyes drifted to the floor and her hands still placed firmly on her back.

Cullen had the idea of what she wanted to do before she had the chance to continue. He wasn't entirely sure of the cause, but the way she stood up so quickly and how she was covering her shaking arms were tell-tale. It was something he'd been doing more and more lately as the withdrawal pains grew more painful and tiresome, "You wanted some time for yourself?"

She nodded, "I suppose I haven't gotten much of that, lately."

"Neither have I," he said, finally stepping inside all the way. He suddenly felt that he really shouldn't be here. The Herald just needs some time alone and not her Commander bothering her in the process.

"I can leave if I'm not helping."

"Oh, well. I was hoping we could talk. Considering I've been gone a while."

"About?" his lips threatened to pull off a grin. He didn't want her to know how relieved he was that she said that. 

"Not the Ostwick Circle or anything Templars related. Something else, for a change."

"Anything different?" he asked, and the smile she gave him could've lit up the entire room.

 

    Shortly after, they both were sitting on a plank of wood that wasn't very comfortable, but he couldn't care about that right now. Especially since once they did sit, the Inquisitor's hands weren't behind her back anymore, and very clearly shaking.

She saw that he noticed and quickly drew them back, "It's no big deal, there's a spell I can use to calm it down."

"I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, but is it because of Davin and his men?"

She sighed, running her glowing hand over her fingertips. The mark pulsed with her magic and Cullen watched as the magic began it's work.

"Yes, but it's just bad memories. The circle wasn't exactly the happiest place on Earth. Davin is one of the reasons so."

Cullen nodded but didn't say anything more. He wasn't going to keep on if it agitated her.

"Is the withdrawal getting any better? I meant to ask you."

No, not at all 

He couldn't let her know, however.

"A bit. It's a slow process..." he said instead.

"But all the worthwhile, I imagine."

It will be... I hope it will be...

It took everything for Cullen's own fingers to not start shaking.

As she spoke, he noticed the spells were working. Her fingers almost lay still now.

"If you don't mind my asking, I was never actually told why you decided to stop taking lyrium."

A topic he had hoped to avoid for the time being. Cullen wasn't quite sure if he was comfortable sharing all that much with her yet.

"After I left the order, it only seemed fitting that I stop."

"...That's it?"

"That's the jist, yes."

She took her attention from her hands, "I know that's not the whole truth."

Great, was he that easy to read?

"The rest isn't exactly easy to share."

The Herald looked like she was almost about to laugh. In confusion, maybe, based on her expression, but the thought didn't help him at all.

"Why? Templar life isn't exactly horrible."

"In Ostwick, maybe your Templar's had it better, but some are less fortunate than others."

Of course, even when you try not to bring up the Circle, it always seems to come into the conversation.

Her brows furrowed, "All I know is Davin should have nothing to complain about when it comes to the Circle."

"I doubt that," he countered.

"What?" she stood up and Cullen could see he must have offended her in some way.

He followed suit and stood after her, "All Templar's go through trials, even in the Circle. The failed harrowings, the demons."

"From what I saw, Davin seemed to fall upset when certain mages passed their harrowings."

"He must have known those mages didn't have the best intentions or the brightest minds. My point is, Templar's have it worse than I suppose you were taught, if you were taught," he was getting angrier, and he hated it. It felt like he was arguing with Leliana.

"Yes because it's certainly all about them. The Templar's are the true victims here," her sarcasm felt like mocking, "Haven't you stopped to think about how they treated Mages in the Circles? Using the Rite of Tranquility left and right because there can't be a single ounce of insubordination, even if it's accidental?." 

"It was called taking necessary precaution."

"It's called striping someone from their identity forever!" she half yelled, "And don't think that's the only form of punishment they used. You've seen all kinds of mistreatment in Kirkwall, maybe even inflicted them. Maybe you're just like Davin."

She stormed from the room and you could've sworn a cloud of smoke was trailing behind her. Once the door slammed shut Cullen was left alone to process what in Maker's name just happened. He was glad she left then, however, because how far would they have gone? How can something go from a quiet moment to a political argument in less than a minute? He shouldn't be surprised, though. An Ex- Templar Commander and an Inquisitor who's a mage won't always connect. Cullen had thought about this before they even came to Skyhold, and now the reality of it has come to light in a way that's making him scared for the future.

Notes:

A title change is coming soon, btw. That one was a work in progress because I feel it's way too cliche and cringey.

Chapter 25: A Bad Memory

Chapter Text

Leliana has investigated the background of Davin and his second in command. Nothing incriminating surfaced, and Dagna also ran a few tests which found no red lyrium in their system, only the regular.

More great news, because that's all she wanted to hear right now.

When Josephine called her over with news, Scarlett could only hope that Davin was rooted out and already out of Skyhold, although that was too good to be true.

She sighed, "So what now? They're going to stay?"

Josephine shrugged, "It appears so. You heard how he said he wanted to aid the Inquisition."

"Do you believe him?"

"I...don't know. Your uncertainty makes me feel a bit nervous."

Good. At least Scarlett knew her worries weren't going completely unnoticed.

"I don't want you to worry, Josephine. If those Templars are here for something other than to help the Inquisition, it's not you."

It looked like Josephine didn't know what she meant by that, but decided not to press the matter further.

"Leliana also wants to hear your side of the story about him. She's not the only one who's curious as to your suspicion." 

"That's a story I'm not going to tell her unless I have to or she bribes it out of me."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate the challenge," The ambassador said sarcastically, smiling at Scarlett as she left her to continue working.

 

   All she wanted to do now is crawl into a broom closet and hide for the rest of the day, rest of the week, if she could.

Things were going bad, to really bad, to even worse at a rate she wasn't sure she could take for much longer. Finding Davin in that cave was enough to ruin her for a while, but now she can't talk to Cullen because he probably hates her. The little talks they'd been having lately had been helping her take her mind off of things for a while. That's gone now. She threw it in the trash along with a few pieces of her sanity. Scarlett wasn't sure how many she had left, now that she knows Davin will be staying. Staying. In Skyhold. Less than a mile away from where she sleeps at night, passing by her every now and then to harass her about Maker knows what he'd think of. It felt like the Circle again. If it weren't for a rambunctious Qunari, clever Tevinter mage, and story-telling dwarf, it would've have almost been. 

Luckily, she felt content in simply doing her work, signing papers and writing reports in her quarters, away from most forms of real human contact.

It was early evening when she wrote her signature one final time, placing the paper into the large stack she'd made, ready to be distributed. Now she couldn't be distracted by work because there was no more work right now. 

Fuck, she needed a drink. Something that could maybe help her relax, maybe sleep even, considering the past few nights weren't very kind when it came to rest. The tavern it was.

 

    Two large drinks and a few drunken conversations with Bull and Sera, Scarlett felt kind of okay. As she stood at the bar and drank, Sera secretly put a copper in Bull's drink when he wasn't looking, and the idiot, too drunk to notice, gulped his whole drink down in one go, coin and all. He ended up gagging and choking, knocking everyone out of his way, wrecking half the tavern until Krem came and squeezed him until the coin shot out. Sera was dying of countless snorts and giggles on the floor while Scarlett found herself laughing at the incident also. 

"You could've killed him, Sera," she said.

Sera picked herself off of the ground, still snorting, "An' it would'a been hilarious! Death by copper!"

Krem returned Bull to his usual chair, which is when things finally started to die down again. 

No one even noticed the figure that entered the tavern shortly after, not until it put its hand in front of where Scarlett had her own on the bar.

"Inquisitor!? Lovely evening... isn't it?"

You have to escape, escape now. 

Scarlett maneuvered her way around him, "Lovelier without you, Davin, I'm sure."

He persisted, moving his body in front of her own, "Aw, you don't mean that. You don't have to be so rude, now do you?"

"I do mean that and I think you should get out of my way."

"Why? Weren't you having fun just moments ago?"

She looked around. No one was paying attention to them now, not even Bull or Sera. 

When Scarlett went to move again, he moved with her, preventing her from leaving. She did notice he was stumbling though, like he could barely gain a foothold on the sturdy ground. 

"Yes, but now you've spoiled it, so I'm ordering you to let me pass."

His eyes grew wider than the sky and then he started laughing. To be specific, going between laughing and hiccuping. 

"Order me? You think you're ordering me?"

"You addressed me as 'Inquisitor' less than thirty seconds ago, or did you forget?"

"Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, First to Senior Enchanter. All those titles that don't actually mean anything. You're still the same little girl I knew that came crying to every soul in the tower after Evrard Reiter t-"

Another Templar came through the door and looked to Davin, then Scarlett before taking Davin by the forearm.

"I apologize if he's bothered you, your Worship. We brought drinks to our quarters and he may have had a bit much."

As the man dragged him away, Davin couldn't help but get one more comment in,

"But we were having such a delightful conversation! Weren't we, my lady?"

Scarlett didn't answer, nor did she need to. The door shut behind them moments later. 

 

    She ordered one last drink and brought it up to her quarters where she drank until her coordination began to falter. After emptying the mug, she flopped onto her bed, not even bothering to change into her nightwear. All she wanted to do right then was pass out and forget. She almost did. her body and her eyes begged for it, but her mind continued to conjure the image of a fourteen year old girl, just barely having gotten used to the Circle, being frightened each and every day of what all these big and strong men in full armor were capable of. Even after she made a name for herself as a mage, becoming first to her Senior Enchanter, she still felt like some of the Templar's made an effort to assert their dominance. Maybe Davin was right. What are titles and ranks when you're terrified despite them? Does being the Inquisitor really protect her? 

To help her feel better, Scarlett made a list of each and every person that would come to her aid if something did happen.

Cassandra, Iron Bull, Varric, Dorian, Solas, Cole, Blackwall, Sera, Leliana, Vivienne even would and Josephine would try her hardest. Cullen...

Even if he did hate her, which Scarlett was still unsure of, he's so selfless he wouldn't waste a moment. It wouldn't matter who she was. Why did she have to say those things to him? He wasn't Davin. Cullen didn't pressure her or ridicule her like Davin. She had to say something. Tell him she's sorry. She didn't know if it was the drinks or her final thought that put her to sleep.

Chapter 26: In The Circle

Summary:

Angst mostly, so be warned

Chapter Text

 

The Inquisitor didn't show up at that morning's war table meeting. Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana stood there for a good fifteen minutes before Leliana dismissed the meeting, saying she'd reschedule later on in the day. 

He didn't say anything, but Cullen assumed at first it was because of him. She didn't want to see him right now, but that idea didn't sit right. It didn't make any sense considering they had a war room meeting earlier yesterday, just one day after their argument. He didn't tarry on the thought for long, but made it a plan to keep an eye out for her during the day.

Cullen took the shortcut to his office, through Solas's room, saying a quick hello before moving along. 

On his way out the last door, he nearly hit a man who was entering. It didn't take long for the hair, scar and templar uniform to hit his senses.

"Glad you missed that one, Commander," Davin laughed, "Be a sad tale to tell if you gave me a bloody nose with a door."

"Sad indeed..."

He could've sworn he seemed a little sluggish, "Are you well, Davin?"

The Templar shook his head and coughed, "Just a bit off. May have had too much to drink last night."

"Ah, I understand. Well, I'll be seeing you."

Cullen tried to pass the man but only made just barely outside before he used himself as a barricade, keeping him from moving further.

"I've been meaning to chat with you, actually. Care if I speak for a moment about something?"

He did care. Right now he just wanted to go back to his work, but Cullen thought that if he said that, Davin probably wouldn't take no for an answer. 

"Alright, but be brief."

"I was only curious: I've heard a little rumor that you've quit taking lyrium."

Why does everyone have to bring that up?

"I... yes, I have."

"I'm not criticizing, truly. I commend you for making a decision like that. Must be rough, eh?"

You don't know the half of it.

"It's one of the many trials I have faced since I left the Order."

"I only pray you power through it, Commander. You're a good man. Maker knows the Inquisition would be worse off without you."

Rather nice, Cullen would say. Especially for someone who's hungover.

"Thank you... I appreciate the thought."

Davin patted him on the shoulder with a warm smile stretched wide across his face, "Don't mention it. I'll be seeing you."

He walked into Solas's room, and on the other side of the door, he could hear the Templar giving the Mage a very friendly greeting also.

Cullen started to move again, but something on the corner of his eye was bugging him. his eyes wandered downwards to the area where the surgeon worked and spotted her. The Inquisitor, arms crossed and giving him quite a suspicious look. When she realized he saw her she turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction, up the stairs towards the Tavern. She was probably even angrier now. Two days after their fight and he's having a conversation with the person that was the center of it. Terrific.

His office was empty when he entered, thankfully. Now he could focus on what needed to be done. One report and a few signed papers later, though, there was a knock on the door. Before he got to ask who it was the Herald entered and shut the door behind her. She leaned back on it and took a deep breath. Cullen didn't speak first, for fear that she might explode. Instead, he dropped his pen and stared at her until she talked, "What were you and Davin discussing?"

Choose your words carefully, Cullen.

Her tone wasn't angry or frightful, which he took as a good sign.

"He... asked me of my withdrawal."

"That's all?"

"He told me it was commendable, then left."

"And?"

"And that the Inquisition was better with me in it. That I was a good person. That's all."

She huffed again and began to pace about the room, "This confirms it now, shit."

"Confirms what?"

"He's kissing up to all of you," she ran her fingers through her hair, "Saying you're 'good people' and praising your decisions. I just spoke with Leliana. He's told her she's an immaculate spymaster and she was very brave for helping the Hero of Ferelden defeat the archdemon. Josephine said he told her she was beautiful and that any noble should be honored to make her acquaintance. He even found something nice to say about Dorian, and he's Tevinter."

"Inquisitor, I don't mean to impose, but," Cullen stood up slowly, "But perhaps Knight Commander Davin is simply trying to be polite, considering the circumstances."

"Or maybe he's manipulating you and you don't see it yet!"

"How are you certain?"

This felt just like the other day. He wanted to stop it but felt like she needed to have an open mind about all this. It's what he's tried so hard to accomplish these past months.

"Because I know him, Cullen. I've seen how he influences and I've seen how he tries to deceive people."

"It's been years since then. Things could've have changed."

"He's not acting much different. It almost feels like the Circle again."

This really was their conversation resurfacing again. The Circle could never truly leave either of them, it seemed.

"If you want him out that bad you can say the word and he's gone. You're not powerless."

She paused, holding herself with slightly trembling arms. For a moment Cullen thought he might have said the wrong thing.

"I kick him out and he'll never truly leave me alone. I don't know exactly what he's trying to do but he's relentless, whatever it is."

What in Maker's name could he have done to her before? 

Cullen was so confused he didn't have anything else to add to support his idea. He couldn't convince her of anything. She was just as stubborn as he was. 

His voice was getting louder,"I don't understand what's happening. If you'd speak to Leliana she could help you figure out what to-"

"I can't talk to her about this!"

"Why? What is so bad about him that troubles you so much you can't talk to Leliana? If it's about Ostwick she can help," he was at the point of yelling like she was, but couldn't think enough to stop himself.

"If I go to her, or anyone I'll only be a little Circle mage begging again!"

Her voice wavered. The whites of her eyes were red like her hair now. He was afraid she might collapse on the ground crying.

She took a shaky breath, "None of them can help me now. If I ask anyone, this will be no better than Ostwick."

"The Inquisition can't be worse than the Circle?! What could he have done that makes you thi-"

"I was raped in the Circle, Cullen!"

Any other word he might have said was caught in his throat. The silence that dragged on was painful as he processed what she just told him. He couldn't look her in the eye he felt so terrible, drifting to the floor and back her face and eyes that were beginning to well with tears. His head was screaming at him to apologize but he couldn't get it out. She rolled her eyes and rubbed them with the back of her hand. 

"It doesn't matter. You might not care anyway."

She went to the door and Cullen tried to think of any way to stop her, to fix this, but his dreaded stuttering caught up with him,

"Sc-Scarlett, wait-"

Slam.

She obviously wasn't aiming for discretion. Cullen slumped back in his chair, an empty feeling of disgust crawling through him. It suddenly all made sense. Her tenseness didn't come from pure paranoia. It had cause, and a damn good one at that. If Davin had actually... A sour taste filled his mouth at the very thought of the name. 

How would he fix this? There must be a way, but like hell does Cullen have any idea of what that way is. 

Suddenly, he realized something. It dragged at him for a moment but became clear almost as quick as the thought.

That was the first time he'd ever said her name. 

She wasn't just the Inquisitor or the Herald. Scarlett was her name that went from his lips so naturally he didn't even catch it at first. He could've imagined the first time being under more pleasant circumstances. This was not the situation he wanted it to be.

Chapter 27: Silenced (Slight NSFW)

Summary:

Davin makes the worst mistake of his life

Notes:

***potentially triggering stuff ahead: sexual assault***

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

That morning she woke up feeling numb. Her limbs could move, but too much motion was too much to bear as she rolled over in bed, replaying every word she'd yelled at him in an angry haze. Scarlett shouldn't be surprised, though. With Davin's arrival, it was only a matter of time before her secret got out. She only expected it to be someone like Leliana or even Dorian, but not Cullen, not like that. It was even Davin who had raped her, but now he probably thought that was so. Rape. Simply saying the word in her mind left a sour taste in her mouth. What was she going to do now? Cullen was going to tell someone soon. She was smart enough to know he wouldn't brush off what she told him. His stunned expression was proof enough. That and the fact that he actually said her name. She wasn't sure if he'd said it before, but couldn't recall a time he did. The thought made her heart beat faster and it was the last thing she wanted right now, not with all the other shit that's going on. 

After a moment of pondering her next move, she decided: she needed to tell Leliana what was really going on. She needed to tell her. Not Cullen. At least, if he didn't already. There wasn't much else she could do. Ignoring it wasn't an option anymore. 

When she arrived where Leliana typically loitered at the top of the tower, she quickly learned there wasn't much to talk about. Cullen had told her late that evening.

Scarlett sighed, "Of course. Why am I not surprised?" 

"I already have made plans to escort them from Skyhold, and I don't mean to criticize but you should have told me before. If Davin-"

"It wasn't Davin."

"It... No?"

"No, not any of them. Davin was just... close friends with him."

Leliana didn't say a word, but she seemed to understand at least a little. She hoped she did. 

"But you still want them out... correct?"

"Yes, it's only..."

"You're worried what the other Templars will say? Or how they will react?"

"I suppose. I don't know why else I didn't kick them out before."

It sounded like Leliana laughed, or scoffed, "If they make you uncomfortable you don't have to keep them around."

"I know that, but what the others here want is more important than my discomfort."

"From the way Cullen sounded, I don't think he'd agree with you, and neither do I."

What does that mean?

"...Was he that worried?"

Leliana only nodded, a certain look on her face telling her that she definitely wasn't sugar-coding.

Scarlett sighed, "It doesn't matter. We should let them stay until we find a valid reason to make them leave."

The spymaster opened her mouth, but nothing came out. After a long pause, she shook her head, "Alright, if that's what you wish."

Scarlett nodded, not bothering to say anything more as she began down the tower. When she passed Dorian, he turned as if he was about to say something. No doubt he heard that conversation and wanted to know what was going on, if he didn't know already. She ignored him though, passing Solas as well and only hoping Varric or Bull or whoever didn't speak to her about it at all today. 

As she went for the exit, she saw Cullen walking up the stairs. Thank the Maker his head was buried in a paper, or else he might have seen her. She turned on her heel and went the opposite direction as fast as she could without making it look too awkward. Bull passed her as she went and he waved, but she did nothing in return. She was tempted to hide underneath a table or in the underforge, anywhere she wouldn't be found easily. She got the door of the underforge, looking back for a moment to see Cullen was talking to Varric and Bull joined in shortly after. Good, they're occupied. Before Scarlett could figure out the next part of her impromptu escape plan, a messenger approached her, one of the elves that was often in Josephine or Cullen's office. She rarely ever delivered things to her directly, however. 

"Your Worship. Josephine requests your presence in her office."

"Alright, thank you."

The elf nodded and went the opposite way. 

She was glad, though. Now she had not only a place to escape to but to distract her. Unless Josephine brought it up, and that's why she was called because then that would not be pleasant. Nevertheless, she went. Josephine can be so sweet, she probably only wanted to check up on her. Scarlett snuck in the room quickly, and it seemed no one noticed. It was quiet inside, no sounds of a pen on paper or the shuffling of books she'd usually hear when seeing Josephine. She approached closer to the ambassador's desk, but no one was in it. Glancing around the room she found no one was in there. The messenger told her in her office? Correct? 

"Josephine?"

No answer.

"Josephine? You wanted to see me?"

What was going on? 

Maybe she was in the war room. She opened the door, but she wasn't in there either...

Did someone put her up to this? A prank? If so, it was probably Sera or Dorian-

She didn't finish her thought because as she turned around, a large, veiny hand clamped over her mouth and another held her arm firm, pinning her against the crumbling walls.

She tried to kick, but her legs were also restricted by another, much stronger and larger pair. Those devoid, black eyes were so close she could almost touch them. 

"This is pretty gullible of you, Scarlett."

She made a noise, but instead she tasted the flesh of Davin's hand, which was something she never wanted to do again. It was like a combination of dirt, blood, and metal. 

"Look, I never really planned on doing anything rash, but now there's a little story going around about me, which isn't exactly true."

Her semi-free arm was useless if she tried to hit him. His arm with the hand on her mouth pinned that one down as best he could. It would only hit armor, and her magic would be insufficient against Templar armor anyway. 

"I never figured you tell anyone about Evrard. You know he died about a year ago, by a mage's staff."

"guu," she tried to say good, but that didn't work at all.

He looked back towards the door that led to Josephine's office, "Now they're going to give me the boot because of you. That can't happen. You're going to make it not happen, okay?" 

His tone was so much less threatening than it could've been. It was like he was speaking to a child, scolding her.

"Fug uu,"

Scarlett shook her head as she squirmed some more. If she could get just one arm free...

"I don't want to really hurt you, you know that."

As she wriggled about, one of her knees loosened from his grip. He didn't have time to notice before it went straight to his balls. 

He didn't yell, but the arm that didn't cover her mouth went towards the hit. She tried to get a spell out, but Davin was faster. In a single second, it felt like all her energy and all her power was slipping away. He was silencing her.

"Stubborn bitch!"

She felt trapped and weak in a bubble with no air and no strength. She'd only been silenced once before, but the memory of it still lingered, haunting her nightmares which were becoming more and more real. Her vision was fuzzy, but she saw a hand reach for her neck and slam her harder against the stone. The other hand that was squeezing her neck harder now went to the waist of her pants, struggling to get the buttons undone and the zipper down. She couldn't fight back with her numb limbs. Her sounds came out as choked gasps for air. Davin couldn't get all the buttons, but two out of three were undone as well as the zipper, giving him enough space to delve inside.

"Now let's see what Evrard missed, shall we?"

The silencing was starting to wear off as his palm finally reached her heat. The grip on her throat didn't feel so constricting and her limbs gained more feeling. Then, a foolish mistake, Davin moved the fingers on her throat to her shirt, trying to start the buttons there. Scarlett got in a yell and a muffled scream before her mouth was covered again.

"Dammit, you'll regret that."

He silenced her again, sapping the magic from her body and the will from her mind. The world was blurry and her limbs were practically pools of jelly now. She felt a stab of pain in her stomach and it took a second to register he'd just punched her there. Another strike to her leg, nearly making her fall down, but the palm in her pants kept her upright. This time, the feeling of confinement and weakness wasn't as worse. His energy was beginning to fail. She continued to squirm with her useless limbs, trying as hard as she could to not focus on the hand rubbing against her entrance. 

She felt a finger enter her just before the door opened. 

Davin's grip left her mouth almost instantly, but he couldn't quite get his hand out of the small gap in her pants. Scarlett used the opening to kick him. She couldn't see where, but it felt flat like a chest would've been. He must've fallen back because she collapsed to the floor immediately after. The silencing was fading quickly, and the room was clearer. Just as her vision focused entirely she saw Bull's hand slam against Davin's throat and lift him in the air like he only weighed two pounds, even with the heavy armor. A pair of hands were on each of her shoulders seconds later, and she almost pushed them away, but when she saw the fur pauldrons and head of golden hair she finally breathed. Almost on instinct, she melted into a puddle in his arms, grabbing wherever she could reach, while her head fell against the soft furs. There was yelling, she could hear that, but she barely made any words out other than 'don't' and 'please'. Davin's voice. Cullen said something afterward, which she couldn't understand either, but it didn't matter because when she felt one hand touch the back of her head, caressing her hair, she sighed. She felt safe. It was going to be okay. 

He held her for another minute or so before he whispered something in her ear. She didn't want to let go of him yet, but didn't have much of a choice. He pulled her up with him, and that was when Scarlett realized her pants were still undone. She fixed that problem as quick as she possibly could, and then she was rather embarrassed with Cullen still standing right in front of her. She glanced around. Bull was gone, but so was Davin. He touched her shoulder gently as he began to walk. Scarlett managed to pull her legs enough to walk mostly normal. The two of them said nothing, and an awkward silence grew, so she gave silent thanks to the Maker she didn't believe in as they left the hall, but what was going to happen now?

Notes:

New chapter WILL come out next weekend, I promise. I can't just leave this like this, obviously

Chapter 28: Apologies

Notes:

this is longer than usual but I don't think you all mind that much :)

Chapter Text

Their conversation was interrupted by a faint yell from afar. Cullen had never heard that scream, but he knew whose it was automatically and that it'd be burned into his memory forever. Iron Bull and Varric turned to the sound as well. Bull gave Cullen a look before moving towards Josephine's office. He followed, but Varric waited outside the door. 

When he and the Qunari walked in he heard a mans voice. He couldn't tell what he was saying but he knew he heard 'dammit' in there somewhere. It was coming from the hall to the war room. Bull went in first, slamming the door open, and what they saw sent a chill of rage down their spines.

Davin was trying to cover it up, but the hand inside her trousers couldn't quite get free. He was caught. Scarlett suddenly kicked him back, knocking him to the floor, where Bull proceeded to storm up to him and grab him by the throat with one hand, slamming him against the wall. Scarlett fell also and as Cullen came closer to her, he could feel the negative energy. He shuddered at the thought this may not be the first time a Templar's used silencing to abuse someone. Cullen held her shoulders, which were trembling to the touch.

He opened his mouth to ask if she was okay, but when she fell against him, clutching at his sides and burying her face in the furs of his pauldron, the words caught in his throat. They'd never been this close before. He would've pushed her off if he didn't feel the rest of her body racked with shudders and the feeling of her ragged breathing barely brushing against his neck. Bull, meanwhile, had Davin dangling through the gap in the wall where the stone had been crumbled to bits. All the squirming he did couldn't save himself. 

"Don't! I wasn't going to, I swear it! I would've stopped if she told me!"

"There's more ways of saying no than with words."

He'd never seen Bull be so threatening. It scared him a bit, but he was glad all the same. It's what the pig deserved.

"Iron Bull, please! You can't do this!" he was begging, a pitiful little beg that sounded like it came from the mouth of a whiny baby.

Scarlett's breath grew steadier and the trembling was minimal. It made him confused as to how him holding her had this much of an effect on her. He tentatively reached for the back of her head and was surprised when he felt how soft her hair was. She sighed as he moved his fingers through the deep red.

Davin continued to plead above him, "I promise on my life that I won't touch her again!"

"You're right, because you'll never touch anything ever again except for ice."

"No!"

"Bull," Cullen stepped in, "Don't. There are other options. She needs to decide what to do with him."

Davin hissed, "Scarlett won't be merciful." 

"I'll be surprised if she is," Bull said before throwing him back onto the floor with so much force Cullen thought it might've killed him, but the pathetic man still managed to pick himself up before Bull knocked him back down again, grabbing him by his hair.

"I'll take him to the cells. You stay with her."

Cullen nodded as Bull dragged the Templar by those ugly black locks out the door. 

He didn't want to let go of her, and he assumed she didn't either, but they needed to go to Leliana and Josephine and tell them. He leaned closer to her ear and said ever so softly, "We need to get up, okay?"

In response, she gripped him harder and Cullen almost felt it a crime to release her, but he had little choice. He pulled her up gently, still holding her at the crook of her neck, but Scarlett's hands went elsewhere. Then he heard a zipper and it clicked. He quickly removed his hand and coughed, unsure what to do as she fumbled with the buttons on her trousers. She hadn't said anything to him, which was understandable, but it felt eerie. Usually, she never hesitated to speak in any situation. It didn't put his mind at any more ease. Cullen put his hand on her shoulder when she finished and they walked back down the hall together, still not saying a word.

 

That night no one said anything about what happened. Word spread quickly, of course, but everyone managed to keep it on a down low. Davin was put in a holding cell and Cullen held onto the key all evening, even going as far to tuck it under his pillow when he went to bed. He didn't sleep, maybe for one hour his eyes shut, but no more. He tossed and turned as the memory replayed in his head. It all happened so fast but still, he saw it as clear as it had been some hours ago.

He remembers more than anything the way his heart skipped a beat and his head froze when she collapsed into his arms. The very thought made his chest feel tight and his stomach pool with a strange heat that he tried to push aside. Though, that memory was better than anything else that happened that day. He wondered if she was getting any sleep. Probably not. If he couldn't, Maker knew how she was feeling. 

The next morning, he awoke to high-pitched female noises and he nearly leaped out of bed, but the image outside was only Vivienne talking to Scarlett in the courtyard. The closer he looked, though, he saw hands and arms moving and the shaking of heads. Were they arguing? 

He got dressed and went to investigate. Luckily, Cassandra was already there with a hand on Scarlett's shoulder.

"I simply don't understand how you could've been so foolish, darling. Do you not know men enough to know their intentions?" said Vivienne.

Scarlett laughed in the not so funny kind of way, "I'm sorry that I'm not all-knowing. Maybe I am a little stupid but you have no right to-"

"Ridicule you for nearly endangering your life? Your sexuality?"

"Vivienne, this is not her doing," Cassandra cut in.

"Exactly. See? Someone understands that assault like this doesn't share blame in most cases."

"I'm not saying you're responsible, I'm telling you that you need to be more insightful. I thought as Inquisitor, you knew that all too well."

Vivienne stormed off, leaving an awkward silence behind to spoil the mood some more.

Cullen finally approached, and Scarlett glanced away when she saw him. Could she even look him in the eye now?

"This is ridiculous," Cassandra spat, "I'm going to have to ask Josephine to do something-"

"Cassandra, I can," Scarlett insisted.

The seeker shook her head, "No, you have enough to deal with. Let me do this."

She began the ascent to the main hall, leaving Cullen and Scarlett there alone. She still wouldn't look at him. 

He didn't quite know what to say, where to start, or if he should start.

"Are you feeling better?" 

Stupid question, of course not. Why would he ask her that of all things?

She finally looked at him, seeing the rings underneath her eyes that not even her freckles could conceal. Her already pale face looked even more pale than usual. 

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

Then Scarlett walked away just like that. It made Cullen's heart twinge and he felt awful. He shouldn't have approached her or asked her anything that was dumb and only made her feel worse. What was wrong with him? 

 

Later on, Cullen went to the tavern and got a drink, by himself, with no one to talk him into it. It was the first time he joined the Inquisition that he had done such a thing. Though, he only drank about half of it before pouring the rest out the window. Bull came to him afterward as he sat at a table, staring into space. 

He took an empty spot in front of him, "Still shaken up?"

Cullen only nodded.

"Me too," Bull admitted

The silence was heavy and solemn. Bull tapped his fingers on his mug, taking a deep breath while Cullen fidgeted with the gloves on his hands before taking them off altogether.

"Did you talk to her today?" Cullen asked.

"A little. She said thanks, but that was about it."

Strange, Scarlett never said anything like that to him.

Bull saw his eyebrows furrow, "What about you?"

"Nothing to me. At least nothing like that."

"What does that mean?"

He wasn't sure how to put it...

"I don't think she wants to speak with me right now."

The Qunari huffed, "I doubt that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think if you go up to her right now and talk to her, she wouldn't mind at all."

"And you don't think you'd be better company?" When he said the words he immediately knew they were wrong.

Bull did a double-take, "What?"

"You... you two aren't..."

He didn't know what the situation was. Like hell he'd ever ask.

When he got it, Bull quickly shook his head, "No, no, not even a little bit."

"Oh."

"Did you actually believe that or are you just making excuses?"

He thought for a moment, "Both?"

The Qunari laughed, "Stop. You really don't have anything to worry about. She likes you more than me."

"Alright, sure. You're just saying that."

Maybe he was just saying that, he didn't know. He could never tell with Bull sometimes.

"You want to know what I really think?" Bull stood up, "I think it'd do some good for her sanity if you tell her you care about her."

Cullen scoffed, "It's not like tha-"

"I didn't say it was. Friend or not, you care about her," he shrugged, "Let her know that."

Bull grabbed another drink before heading out, letting Cullen ponder what he said. He thought about it all the way to the evening, as he sat at his desk, fumbling through papers he knew he didn't want to sign and fill out right now. He didn't even get the ink out, knowing there are more important things than work...

He'd made up his mind.

 


 

Scarlett flipped through the pages of the last book she thought she'd be reading: Swords and Shields, the first chapter. It was on her bookshelf, for whatever reason, so she grabbed it and began skimming through it to see if it was any good. Varric was a good storyteller, she could gather that from reading Tale of The Champion and Hard in Hightown, so she expected for this novel to be interesting, at the very least. What she got was a silly love story that didn't appeal to her taste as much as she thought it would. After a few minutes, she put the book down. It was a nice distraction for a little while. She then decided to get ready for bed, since Leliana heavily insisted her to not do any work today so she could have a day of relaxation.

She was just about to take off her shirt to change when someone knocked on the door.

She sighed. Maybe not all messengers received the memo, "Come in."

When they made it to the top of the stairs Scarlett saw it wasn't a messenger at all.

"Hi," Cullen said. She heard the nervousness in his tone. He was only in a button-down shirt and trousers again, like that night at Haven...

"Hey, what is it?"

He clutched the railing, struggling to find the words, "I simply... wanted to talk."

Talk... hooray. 

"Alright," she motioned to the couch, "You can sit."

They sat next to eachother for quiet moments that stretched on for minutes at a time. She already felt embarrassed enough, this wasn't going to help things... would it? Breaking the silence would be a start,

Cullen had the same idea, "I'm sorry," they said simultaneously.

Scarlett spoke up first, almost automatically, "Sorry? For what?"

He shook his head, "Everything, anything I can think of that's happened this week."

"None of this is your fault, Cullen."

"I know that, yet still I feel I could've done more, I should've." 

He was facing away from her now, "What else could you have done that you haven't already?'

"Listened to you, heeded your warnings that I foolishly neglected until it was too late."

"You didn't neglect them."

He looked up at her, confused.

"You told Leliana, that's proof enough that you didn't just brush it off."

Cullen didn't say anything else to protest, his argument was easily beaten.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked instead.

Scarlett didn't want to get into that, but she felt there wasn't a way around it. She hated when things got personal like this.

"Acting like a stupid child who couldn't even pick herself up off her feet."

"No," he stated, harsh, like the words caught him off guard.

"No?"

He sat up, "You were hurt, and reasonably shaken by it, you can't feel sorry about that,"

But she did. She exposed herself to him with a moment of weakness, susceptible. It was the most vulnerable she had felt in a long time, and she hated that he had to see it. 

"You have to understand," she turned herself around in her seat, "I was weak and decrepit and that fucking terrifies me."

"I do understand, I have been there also."

She stopped, "You've been assaulted?"

"No, but I..."

Scarlett realized that was prying too deep, and internally hit herself, "Nevermind, don't explain."

Cullen turned also, "My point is, that... You're not weak."

She played with her fingers as the air grew heavier with each shaky breath. The words she said next she didn't think about before opening her mouth,

"You know, I never told anyone what happened in the Circle. At least, not directly."

He took a second to process it, it seemed, "...Really?"

Scarlett nodded, "And it wasn't Davin, by the way."

"He... He didn't-"

"No, it was just a... close friend of his."

"Ah."

She felt tense as she played with her fingernails, lower lip between her teeth. Not only had she barely told anyone about the incident in general, but she had never talked about like this before. Sure, it wasn't much, but it made her more nervous than she'd like to admit. Cullen saw this, she could guess by the way he was looking at her right now.

"Am I-"

"It's fine, I'm fine," Whatever he was going to say to comfort her, she didn't want it. 

He took a deep breath, "It's okay to not be fine all the time. That's... something that took me longer to accept."

She couldn't help but crack a smile, "Now you sound like an old man."

"According to Varric, I'm too somber like one would be. Apparently, I spend too much time with a serious expression on my face, and it's bad for my health."

She laughed. That sounds like Varric. Sounds like Cullen too. 

This was good. The conversation didn't feel so awkward anymore, hoped it remained so.

"I think that's what a lot of people here expect of you."

"Yes, I know." He nodded, "Do you?"

Scarlett had to think about it for a moment, "Sort of. You're not serious all the time."

"Good, I'm glad someone thinks so, especially you."

Especially me? 

Fuck does that mean...

She refrained from asking him.

After a short pause, Cullen stood up, ruffling his fingers through his hair. Something tightened in her stomach every time he did that. She couldn't explain it.

"I'd best be going, it's getting late."

Scarlett nodded "Yeah, I'm sure you have work to catch up on."

"Perhaps we could... talk again tomorrow? I-In a casual sense, of course."

Okay, here he goes again

"Casual like, what we-we did before. I didn't mean... I mean if you thought-"

"Yes. I'd like that," She stopped him before he got too ahead.

Cullen looked down at his feet. He obviously was embarrassed by whatever he was trying to say just then, but Scarlett found it endearing.

"I need not be so awkward, do I?"

"You're still pretty cute either way, I don't mind."

Fuck, why can't she stop flirting?

"Now you're just toying with me," he smirked as he said that. It almost surprised her that he didn't just blush or leave the room entirely as he did before.

She smiled and said sarcastically, "Really? It's not that obvious, is it?"

"A bit."

"Mhm."

Scarlett looked at him, expecting some other cocky or cute response coming from those lips with the sexy scar, but his expression changed. It suddenly looked sadder, and she wasn't sure if she'd said something wrong or if he didn- 

She was taken aback when he pulled her into a strong embrace, wrapping his arms around her waist, hands on her back, soft and firm at the same time. Only when she felt the fan of his breath against her hair did she hug him back, gently placing her hands on his upper back, near his shoulders. Her chest touched his and Scarlett couldn't help but think he probably likes the feeling of her tits against him. She didn't need to ask why he was doing this. He'd probably been holding it back since he got in the room judging by the way he was pulling her tighter now.

She had thought her display just the other day was embarrassing and that she'd probably made him feel uncomfortable during that awkward hug. Now she knew there was no need to feel that way. This wasn't uncomfortable for either of them, and it felt right. 

"I'm still sorry," he whispered.

She shook her head, "Don't be, okay?"

They stayed like that for less time than she'd hoped. As she was just about to close her eyes he pulled back, breaking her from the trance she had almost fallen in. 

He began down the stairs before long, "Have a good night."

"You too."

As soon as she heard the door shut she flopped herself on the bed.

Maker, this man would be the death of her soon if they kept this up. She could still feel where he touched her on her back and where his breath fanned against her hair. She never felt like that from a simple hug before. Nerianna hardly ever gave her hugs anyway, and she'd usually have to ask. Cullen was different. When he held her it felt like he meant it, every touch he put into it. 

Great... she's comparing Cullen to her former lover.

That's wonderful

Nevertheless, that evening she slept so much better than she thought she would.

Chapter 29: To Tell Her

Summary:

More apologizing, Cullen be struggling

Chapter Text

 

"Vivienne apologized to you, doesn't that mean anything?"

"It might have if she said it to my face."

Josephine nodded in agreement. They had an early war room meeting the next day to immediately catch up on what Scarlett missed during her 'day off'. Davin was being sent to Ferelden to work on Redcliffe farms with someone constantly observing him twenty-four hours a day. The remaining Templar's had denounced him for his actions and considered him not part of the order any longer. 

Scarlett quite enjoyed judging him, on her throne, looking down at him like he was a sad puppy. It was pathetic. He didn't even bother to beg or plead, in fact, he barely said anything at all. The trial lasted five minutes at most. 

That, and word got around to most of the companions about what happened in the Circle. Most just said something along the lines of "Sorry" or "You're still our Herald" and other cringey things. Sera and Dorian's comments were the most fun. Sera brought Scarlett a cookie with a note attached on it that said, 'Those piss-head rapey-shits got what they deserved. Good on you', and the cookie was actually really good. Scarlett wondered if she had baked it herself or stole it from the kitchens, assuming the latter. 

Dorian messed up her hair as she passed by the library and tossed her something she didn't know how he got until he told her, a lock of Davin's hair.

"Bull pulled him so hard, by the time he'd tossed him in the cell he realized he yanked it from his scalp," he said.

The collection of hairs was long and rough. She looked at it and laughed before giving it back to Dorian. 

"I think I can do without it, thank you."

She was turned around and almost out the door when she thought of something...

"Wait... Why did Bull give it to you?"

He paused, completely out of words, "He... wanted me to give it to you, of course."

"So he just came up to you and asked you to give me that? Why couldn't he do it himself?"

"I- Ah... It..."

"What's going on, Dorian?"

"Nothing that's anything of your business, that's what," he turned on his heel and buried his face into a bookshelf, waiting for her to leave. 

"Well, then I'll just come back later and make you tell me all about it."

She closed the door behind her, leaving Dorian with somewhat shattered dignity. Perhaps Bull and Dorian acted on their crushes after all.

 

Vivienne was a different story than the others, however. She sent Scarlett a letter. A letter when they both live in the same castle, in the same building. She didn't even send it to her directly. Vivienne gave it to Leliana and asked her to give it to Scarlett. The whole thing was weird.

Leliana intervened, "Vivienne probably hates that she had to apologize."

"Or she's embarrassed out of her wits," Scarlett said.

"Scarlett is most likely correct," began Josephine, "When Cassandra came in yesterday she told me how sure Madame De Fare seemed in her suspicions."

"Why don't you just confront her about the letter? make her apologize to you in person?" Cullen asked.

Scarlett nodded, "I want to. I'm curious to see how her ego will handle it."

"Don't be too harsh," said Josephine, "I'm sure Vivienne feels awkward enough about the situation already."

They concluded the meeting with that. Scarlett went upstairs to talk with Vivienne, a smile on her face and letter in hand.

 


 

Cullen went to the armory afterward to sharpen his sword. It'd been overdue for one and he hadn't bothered to go by the armory since before Haven because he hardly went into the field. 

To his surprise, Cassandra was inside, sat at a table instead of by the dummies where she'd usually be. It wasn't until he'd reached the grindstone that Cassandra noticed him, and nearly jumped from her seat. Cullen turned around, but as he did so he saw her just barely hide something beside her, concealed partially by the chair. 

He couldn't help but ask, "What are you doing?"

She looked like she wanted to burst into flame, "Reports. I'm reading reports from Leliana."

"And you have to hide them from me?" he placed his sword beside the grindstone. he'd come back to it in a second.

"Yes."

"Really?"

Cassandra was obviously tired of the useless lie she was telling, "No."

She nearly threw the book down on the table, but Cullen didn't recognize the cover.

He stepped closer to see it better, "You're reading a book? I don't see what's..."

Then he saw the title, then more of the cover, then the author. He'd never read many of Varric's tales except the Tale of The Champion and bits of Hard in Hightown, so it seemed Cassandra would be the last person in history to be reading this. No wonder she was embarrassed.

"Oh."

"Don't laugh as Dorian did."

"...I wasn't going to."

"Good."

Cullen sat in front of her, "I thought you and Varric were in a spat?"

"I have no fondness of Varric right now, I assure you, but this tale in particular..."

He was silent. He wasn't sure if he spoke whether she would explode, run away, or hit him with the book.

The seeker huffed in response, "Nevermind. As if you would read romantic literature."

Cullen shook his head, "It's not the genre I prefer, no."

He slid the book over and opened it just to read a few sentences. It was rather entertaining to imagine Cassandra reading a frilly love story. He began to think about the last time he'd just sat down and read. Fiction. Just a normal book instead of reports and other business-related documents.

"Speaking of romance, do you happen to know what the Inquisitor likes to read?"

"Do I... what?"

The question caught him so off-guard, which made Cassandra smile for some reason.

"The In... Why-"

"I've been hearing many stories lately, and I've only wondered if there's any truth to them."

Stories? Stories about him and the Inquisitor? 

"Maker's breath. What have you heard?"

Cassandra chuckled, "According to Leliana, you went to her quarters last night. No one knows why, so there have been many rumors."

Cullen shouldn't be surprised. Gossip spread rather quickly in Skyhold.

"I... We didn't... Nothing like that happened, or what they think happened."

"I figured as much."

He sighed and scratched the top of his head, "Anything else?"

She thought for a moment, "I did overhear Varric and Dorian in the tavern not long ago. Apparently, Varric has another nickname for her, and it has to do with you."

"Isn't her nickname 'Freckles'?"

"Yes, but there's another one. I'm not certain how it relates to you, but does 'Lioness' have any meaning?"

Lioness? 

Cullen was stumped. Lioness...

"I don't..."

He thought of everything they'd talked about before, things she's seen. What could possibly make the nickname-

Then it came to him, "Oh."

"What?" Cassandra seemed very intrigued.

"Maker, no." The stupid lion helmet. He didn't even wear the thing! Why in Maker's name...

"I know why," he said, slumping in his chair.

"Are you going to tell me?" she asked.

"No."

"Alright."

They sat in silence for a few moments as Cullen racked his brain, trying to think if she would have also understood the reference. She probably did if she had seen the helmet. He was curious if she was embarrassed about it as he was. Probably not, but he could hope...

"Can I ask you something, Cullen?" Cassandra said, nearly scaring him out of his train of thought.

"Of course."

She didn't look at him when she asked him next, "Do you have... romantic interest for our Herald?"

He gulped, but laughed inside all the same at the words 'romantic interest'. That was the question he'd been trying to answer since after Haven, maybe even before then, when she would tease him relentlessly about them being more than friends. He knew something was there, at least for him.

"I... Would you scold me if I said yes?"

The seeker grinned, "I would not, no, but I'd avoid telling Josephine or Vivienne for the time being."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"Are you going to tell her?"

That was an even bigger question. Did he want her to know? Did he want to tell her, full knowing she could reject him? Worse, he feared that she didn't truly care about him, that she only wanted a fling or whatever people called it. Or worst of all, that she wasn't interested in him at all. 

"I don't think so. That is if she doesn't know already."

Cassandra frowned, "Why?"

"Not only is it... inappropriate, but were at war. It wouldn't be wise."

She stared at him intensely. He knew that stare, seen if before when he told her he'd stopped taking lyrium. This wasn't an 'I am plotting your death' stare, but more of a 'stop beating around the bush' stare.

"You're only telling me the half of it," she furrowed her brows, but underneath there was a little smirk.

Yes, he was, but what did she expect? "It's nothing you should be concerned with anyway."

"Probably not, but perhaps maybe you two will stop dancing around eachother like fools if I say something."

"I'm the only fool here, not Scarlett."

No, not her. She always seemed to know what to say and how to say it to make him an awkward pool of mush. There were exceptions, but even then he would overthink everything. He was ultimately the big bumbling mess of a Commander who can't think straight around a certain freckled, red-haired, smug, impulsive, and absolutely insufferable woman.

Cassandra laughed, "Maybe so. You're already on a first-name basis, I see."

Cullen, not even realizing his mistake until she said something, buried his face in his hands.

"Perhaps I should say something," he sighed.

The seeker picked her book up and stood, "You needn't worry so much, Commander."

He laughed, "You believe so?"

"From what I have observed, I sincerely doubt she feels different than you."

If he had heard that from Iron Bull, Varric, Dorian, Sera or anyone else that usually pestered him about those things, he wouldn't have listened, but this was Cassandra, someone whose goal is much more than to pester. She wants him to be happy. Not that the others didn't, but with Cassandra, he knew she meant it because she knew him better. 

"I suppose reading those books gives you something after all. You know twice what I know about any of this."

He stood up also. He'd almost forgotten about the sword he needed to sharpen.

"If you're that interested, I could lend you one."

"You're sure you'd be able to part with it for that long?" he teased.

She rolled her eyes, "Very funny."

They both laughed while Cullen moved back to the grindstone.

"I'll be seeing you," she told him as she left, opening the book again. 

Maker, he wanted Scarlett to know now more than ever. Tell her everything he'd been holding back that he was sure she already knew, but there was more than that. What's more, were actions. He'd thought of her lips one too many times as they spoke, her skin, littered with tiny freckles on every piece, or her hair that he'd only ever felt once in his fingers. He wished to know what those lips felt like, what her skin felt like. He wanted more. He hadn't thought much of what it'd be like to kiss her. He'd push the thought away before he dived into it too deep, but now he wanted to. He felt like a child, like he was back in the Circle fantasizing about Amell...

But this was different, Scarlett was different. This was more than a youthful infatuation. 

He knew how felt, so only one thing remained.

How in Maker's name was he going to tell her?

Chapter 30: A Little Fuzzy

Summary:

It takes a little more flirting to decide what she needs to do

Chapter Text

 

She'd typically spend her nights in the tavern or catching up on sleep. Tonight she did neither of those things, but she couldn't help but grab a drink on the way. Or she should say five shots and a very full drink. A glass of wine always seemed to help make long nights a bit more bearable. She stood outside the door for a few moments, clicking her tongue and deciding whether or not she should open it. There was still light coming from the other side and she barely heard the sound of footsteps.

"Fuck it," she whispered before knocking twice.

Scarlett didn't bother waiting for a reply. She pried the door open and poked her head around the other end.

Cullen looked up, "Hi."

"Good eveeening. Can I come in?"

"Of course."

She shut the door behind her, taking another sip of wine. Cullen put down the report he was holding before his eyes drifted to the glass in her hand.

"Should I have gotten you one?" she said jokingly, leaning on his desk.

He shook his head, "No, it's alright. I don't drink much anyways."

Scarlett was slightly disappointed he put back on his full armor. She quite liked him without so many layers. It wasn't until he started speaking again that she thought she might have been staring at him for too long.

"Are you set to head out to Crestwood? I figured you'd be preparing."

Right. They'd finally planned to leave again the day after tomorrow.  She was hoping to forget about leaving Skyhold for a minute.

"Well, I can't prepare without drinks. And when I drink, I might procrastinate. So here I am."

Cullen cracked a smile and it made her feel that weird thing in her chest again. 

He sat at his desk, "Did you receive Josephine's notice? About how we should meet tomorrow to discuss the threats to the Empress?" 

"Is work all you ever want to talk about?" she asked, waving her glass a bit too much, almost making some of the contents splash on the floor. 

"No, not with you."

"Mhmm. Good."

She leaned a little bit too far, causing her to lose her footing for a second. Surprisingly, none of the wine spilled. To avoid that happening in the first place, she finished off the glass and put it on his desk next to a stack of books.

"Are you drunk?" he asked, looking a bit concerned and a bit amused at the same time.

Scarlett laughed, "I am not. I can hold my liquor."

"Really? Not even a little? How much did you have?" he asked. He was definitely amused.

She bent over, both hands on his desk, "Four... five? Five shots and this," she picked up the empty glass again, "which was up to here about fifteen minutes ago."

She pointed a little bit over the top of the glass, "But I'm not drunk."

"I'll take your word for it," he was holding in another laugh.

"No you're not," she stood up straight and pointed, "You, Commander Cullen, are a liar."

He was laughing now. A real, genuine laugh rather than tiny chuckles she'd seen before. It was so fucking cute it made her brain go foggy.

"Stop laughing!"

He got back up and moved closer to her.

"It's making my head all fuzzy! Stop it," she pushed him on his breastplate.

Cullen paused for a moment and just looked at her, like he was studying her. It didn't make her head feel any clearer.

"Why does it make your head fuzzy?"

Fuck. Shit.

"Mmmm. Because it's adorable."

He still had a stupid grin plastered on his face, like it was stuck that way.

"And you're just saying that because you're slightly drunk."

"No! I told you I'm not drunk!"

Here came the laughing again, practically falling on his desk at this point.

"If you don't stop I'm leaving."

He didn't.

"Fine! I'm going."

She didn't even bother to grab her glass. Before she made it to the door, though, Cullen had a hand on her shoulder and he spun her around. They were close enough now for Scarlett to see the little places in his hair where whatever product he used was beginning to wear off. He was still smiling.

"Well, at least you've stopped laughing."

"Can I tell you something, Scarlett?"

Tell her something? Hmmmmm. And he said her name again, that was nice.

"Please do. I'm listening."

She swayed side to side, waiting for what he was about to say. She waited some more, but he said nothing, just stared at her with a slightly open mouth. Come onnnnn. Say it, please...

He swallowed, slightly uneasy, "...Nevermind. I'll talk to you tomorrow," then turned and went back to his desk. 

Scarlett just stood there baffled, "Wow, okay."

"Sorry, it's simply..." he trailed off.

"My breath doesn't stink that bad, does it? I mean, I didn't have any ale or beer-"

"It's not that."

He was getting short with her now. Maybe she was bothering him...

"Alright then, I'll go pass out now. Goodnight, Cullen." 

"Goodnight, Inquisitor."

Inquisitor? 

Why are men so fucking confusing?

 

Cullen was right. Scarlett definitely got a little drunk. The headache she had that next morning was proof. She had to meet with the advisors soon, however, so she couldn't waste too much time tossing and turning in bed.

As she was getting ready someone entered her room, not bothering to knock on the door. Dorian.

"Good morning. Do you remember what knocking is?" she joked as she raked a brush through her hair.

"Of course not, I was simply testing your patience."

"Hilarious."

He walked over to her desk and placed a stack of books on top. 

"The ones I borrowed. Your welcome."

She put her brush down, "You're in a bad mood."

"It seems you are as well, might I imply," he put both hands on his hips.

"I have a small hangover, so that's my excuse. What's yours?"

"You see, I-"

"No, don't tell me. You and Bull are in a spat."

He blushed like a tomato, "No! There is no spatting." 

Scarlett put her hands up, "Okay, fine."

She began stripping to change in her every day wear. Scarlett didn't care around Dorian. He'd already accidentally seen her tits once in the field, so he was practically immune.

Dorian huffed, "What about you and your dashing Commander? Maybe you're lying about the aftermath of your drunkenness."

"Am not. And he is not mine, mind you."

"Okay, fine," now he was mocking her.

Maker, can she just fucking punch this man sometimes?

"It's just curious, you know," he was pacing now. That's how she knew he was about to get into something.

"You go missing a couple of times here and there. I assumed you would be in the tavern at first. Can you imagine the look on my face when I heard you often visit our beloved Commander in his office? Alone, just the two of you? And it was definitely not a look of surprise."

"It's not like that between us."

"And one time I heard he even went to your quarters one night. How strange."

She rolled her eyes, "Nothing's going on, Dorian. And I'm telling you the truth."

"Do want there to be?"

"What?"

"Something going on? Do you want there to be?"

Okay, time to leave.

"Was this one of your goals for today? Objective one, make fun of the Inquisitor for having a silly crush," she brushed past him as she made it for the stairs

"You admit it!"

"Was it not obvious?"

"No, but you're admitting it! To me! In my face! You care about him."

Scarlett turned around to face him and crossed her arms, "Okay, well how about you tell me about your crush now? I've been dying to hear that story."

"Another time. This is about you right now."

"Not it's not," she shook her head.

"Why don't you tell him?"

She sighed. No one could give her a break about this, it seemed.

"You know why. You're just bugging me."

He shrugged and stepped towards her, "Scarlett, I don't think you being a mage will scare him off."

"How do you know?"

"It hasn't yet."

Sure, she's used it as an excuse for people to stop bothering her, but she was truly concerned Cullen could never completely see her as a person. Not only was she one of the most powerful people in Thedas as of right now, but his Templar past made dealing with mages... difficult. They were friends, but is that really all he saw her as? The Inquisitor, the mage? But Dorian was right. He was never 'scared off' by her, not even when they first met he always tolerated her. Maybe she was just overthinking...

"...No."

"See? Good job, you can do this. Now go to his office, strip his armor away and get to the naughty bits."

She laughed, "If he even wanted to go there, it's not that simple. We have a meeting with Josephine this morning."

"Well then, do it in the evening with some lit candles to compliment. Very romantic."

"I'm sure he'll love the idea."

"Of course. My ideas work every time," they began down the steps together, and while Dorian rambled on about romantic destinations near and in Skyhold and every food you can think of that can be used in a sexual way, Scarlett couldn't think about anything he was saying. She should just tell Cullen how she feels. It's never been difficult before, so why the fuck has it changed? She couldn't think of a reason other than that he worked with her, but that didn't really make sense. She was fine with hooking up with Bull. Even if she didn't tell him, her constant flirting would get the better of both of them and they'd probably end up making out anyway. And that thing he said he was going to tell her yesterday... Her mind wandered a bit too much on what that thing would entail. 

Dorian was talking about positions now and she shut him up before they got to the bottom of the stairs. When she opened the door, Cullen was already outside Josephine's office. Dorian nudged her arm before leaving her be. 

The Commander smiled at her before walking in. She followed him close behind.

She needed to say something because he wasn't going to. It was going to torture her otherwise.

Chapter 31: Alone?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

"I've made some inquiries into the Imperial Court. The sooner we deal with the threat to the empress, the better. The political situation in the empire is dangerously unstable. It will complicate matters." 

When was the Empire not complicated? Cullen wondered why they would even go to fix their problems when more would spring up in their place.

"Everything in the empire complicates matters. It's the Orlesian national pastime."

Leliana scoffed, "Turn your nose up at the Grand Game if you like, Commander. But we play for the highest stakes, and to the death."

"The court's disapproval can be as great a threat as the Venatori. We must be vigilant, to avert disaster."

"How can it be more unstable than usual?" Scarlett asked. She seemed just as bothered as he was about all this.

Josephine started speaking of the civil war. He already knew the situation, and Orlesian politics bored him to death, so he tuned out until the end, 

"Orlais holds Tevinter at bay. All of Thedas could be lost if the empire falls to Corypheus. Celene is holding peace talks under the auspices of a Grand Masquerade. Every power in Orlais will be there. It's the perfect place for an assassin to hide."

Scarlett laughed, "A Grand Masquerade? I need to go shopping."

"If we are to have the privilege of wearing dresses, that is," Leliana added.

"I'll arrange for an invitation at your discretion, Inquisitor."  

 

After the meeting concluded, Cullen went back to his office and thought. The thought that'd he have to go to Orlais and deal with all the ridiculousness of their culture bothered him. But the more he pondered, he believed it'd be worth the aggravation if he saw Scarlett in a dress. She wore only her simple blue, button-down shirt and tan trousers most days, and it's not that he thought she wasn't beautiful in those. He only wanted to see her in a dress at least once. When he realized the childish fantasies were returning for the fiftieth time today he stopped and tried to think about work instead. 

Everything about her was just so distracting...

 


 

 

Scarlett sat on the couch in Solas's room, fumbling with her fingers. She was taking the shortcut to Cullen's office but stopped halfway and paced around before sitting on the couch. Solas himself walked in a few moments later. Naturally, he looked a little confused.

"Good morning, Inquisitor. Did you need me for something?"

Scarlett didn't even look at him and insisted on staring into space, "I'm good. Just... thinking."

"Of what? Perhaps I could provide some insight," he suggested, taking a seat at his desk.

She shook her head, "I don't believe so. I doubt this is really your area of expertise."

Solas shrugged, "...Try me."

She hardly ever heard him talk in that tone.

"Alright, fine. What can you tell me about... having feelings for someone? Romantic feelings."

Solas looked at the ground before smiling, "Quite a bit, actually. In the fade, I've seen not only great battles and ancient ruins but stories of love and passion."

"Well have you seen a memory of someone who's deciding whether or not to tell someone how they feel?"

"I have, but I don't think they will aid you in your specific situation."

She furrowed her brows, standing up and walking closer to him, "Oh really? How come?"

"None of my stories involve mages falling for templars."

"And how do you know it's that specific?"

Dorian intercepted from above, "Darling, if someone doesn't know at this point, they must not have eyes or ears."

"I didn't ask you!"

"Dorian is correct, however," Solas said, "Word travels quickly in close quarters."

"Just do what I told you to do. Walk in and strip away the armor."

Solas gave him a funny look, "No. I don't believe Cullen wishes to move at a pace faster than lightning."

"Thank you, Solas," Scarlett aimed at Dorian, "See how I'm not wrong?"

"That is how you achieve a man's attention in the majority of cases. I've had sex with more men than you, Scarlett, I should know."

"What, like Iron Bull?"

Dorian threw the book he was holding at her. It missed horribly and landed on the ground with a thud. 

Solas ignored the two acting like fools and continued with his work. Dorian didn't bother to say another word to her, probably for fear that'd she tease him about his adorable crush again.

Now she needed to act on her own. Why she kept stalling she had no clue, but she needed to say something before she left for Crestwood. She didn't want to admit to herself that she was scared.

 

She didn't knock on the door before entering his office. He smiled brightly at her when she entered, pushing a few papers he was looking at aside. Her palms were sweaty and she could barely concentrate on the words that were leaving her mouth,

"Hello, Cullen."

He leaned on his bookshelf, "Hello. Did you need something?" Even the way he looked at her made her heart beat faster.

She couldn't take it anymore, "I thought we could talk... alone?"

It's as if the words caught in his throat, "Alone? I-I mean, of course."

They couldn't decide where 'alone' really was, so they settled on the battlements. It wasn't too private, but there wouldn't be any messengers to bother him at least... They'd be in his office.

She assumed part of Cullen knew why she wanted to talk, she could judge by the way he was awkwardly scratching his head and not uttering a word.

Fuuuuuuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Why the fuck was she so nervous? Why the fuck were her palms sweating, why was her head spinning? Scarlett had never felt like this before about something so stupid. What's changed? What about him has her tied up in a knot and made a mess? She couldn't stop cussing in her head. Is it the scar? The hair that she knows is actually curly but he hides it under layers and layers of gel? His sexy arms that she barely ever sees? The scruffy attempt of a beard that he has? His eyes? 

She barely even noticed they were outside now, or registered he had just said something, "What?"

The look in his eyes told her he was just as nervous as she was, or she hoped.

"It's... there was something you wished to discuss?"

Shit, he doesn't sound that nervous... shiiiiit

Just fucking say it, look him in the eyes and SAY IT

"Cullen, I care for you, and I-" she trailed off. Fuck.

"What's wrong?"

She sighed, "You left the templars, but do you trust mages? Do you think of me as anything more?"

He paused for a moment and Scarlett nearly had a heart attack, "I could, I-I mean I do... think of you," he scratched his head again, "And what I might say in this sort of situation."

YEEEESSSSSS.

Now that she wasn't so nervous, the flirting side of her kicked back into gear, thank fucking Andraste.

"Then what's stopping you?" She leaned against the battlements, making her best attempt at looking sexy without trying too hard.

"You're the Inquisitor. We're at war and you... I didn't think it was possible."

He was stepping closer now and she could feel the heat he generated as he looked at her more intently now. There was no way she could go back. She was too far gone in him.

"And yet I'm still here."

She raised a brow and smiled. A look that must've activated a sense in him because Cullen was moving much closer.

"So you are," he seemed to have a flirty side that kicked into gear also, "It seems too much to ask... but I want to."

It felt especially so when he stepped once more until they were only inches apart. He put a hand on her waist and leaned in. She had only just closed her eyes when they heard a door slam.

"Commander!"

You've got to be fucking joking

She looked away from him as the hands on her waist dropped to his sides.

"You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana's report?"

He turned away from her with the most angry-face expression she'd ever seen on him. It became even more apparent in his tone, 

"What?"

"Sister Leliana's report? You wanted it delivered 'without delay'."

They didn't say anything, and Scarlett could only assume he was giving this messenger the death stare of his life right now.

Judging by the slight fear in the boy's tone, he probably was, "Or... to your office... right."

Well, this was great. So much for telling him fucking anything. They'd probably have to wait till she returned from Crestwood to recover from this. She knew her face was red and flushed and she refused to meet his gaze. When she finally heard the door close again, she spoke up, 

"If you need to-"

His lips crushing against hers cut off whatever else she was going to say. It was clumsy, a little hurried but oh fuck was it hot. She reacted almost immediately, grabbing his coat and pulling him hard against her as his hand cradled the back of her neck, running through her hair. He wasn't the most experienced kisser she'd seen but it didn't matter. Their lips seemed to melt together anyway. 

Cullen suddenly pulled away but Scarlett wasn't sitting with that, no fucking way.

"I'm sorry, I-"

She held his face in her hands and yanked him back in, which he didn't seem to mind that at all. This kiss was longer, deeper and she couldn't remember the last time she fell into a complete and utter trance during a simple kiss. The last time she could think of nothing else but the feeling of someone's lips on hers. 

After a solid minute of making out, they pulled back for air, resting their forehead's against eachother's.

Scarlett couldn't contain herself and let out a girlish laugh. She felt better when Cullen started laughing too.

"That should've happened way before, shouldn't it have?" she said, still breathless, letting her hands fall to his shoulders.

"Maker, you have no idea," he smiled at her before pressing another deep kiss to her lips. 

They stayed like that for a few more minutes, never quite getting enough of the other's taste. She wasn't sure how many guards passed them as they continued but she didn't give a single fuck. She was finally released from this teasing torture and she could give in. Giving in to him didn't feel scary anymore, and she was obsessed with every bit of it.

Notes:

Slow burn is finally over! Hope you enjoyed my take on this scene

Chapter 32: Letters

Notes:

This chapter switches perspectives a lot so sorry if it's kind of confusing

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

He hated that she had to leave so soon. Not even a couple of hours after their kiss, she and her party left for Crestwood. It didn't matter though. Cullen still felt like this was all some twisted jest the Maker was pulling on him. It was still hard to believe any of this could be real. But it was real. Their kiss, her feelings for him were all real. He wasn't going to be able to concentrate on anything if he tried. He walked into Josephine's office staring at the ground with an unintentionally wide grin on his face. 

"You seem particularly cheerful today, Commander."

Cullen looked up, "What? Oh, I... um..."

"Yes?"

Leliana came in seconds later, "You two don't know what privacy is, do you?"

He didn't say anything. He just glared at her and prayed she wouldn't continue.

Josephine stepped in, "What happened?"

"I don't know, Commander. Do you care to tell the ambassador?"

He shook his head.

"Half the guards say they spotted the strangest sight on the battlements," said Leliana.

"Maker, can you stop."

Josephine was smirking now, "No, do tell. I think I know what it is."

Cullen rolled his eyes and went to the war room, leaving the women to gossip on their own. He could stand the gossiping, it was worth it. At least their newfound relationship wasn't the only thing going on in this messed up world right now. They still had Corephyus to deal with...

 


 

"Come on, let me read it. I'm amazing at editing, you know."

"If you grab this paper I'm punching you in the face."

"Oh, piss off Varric, let me get it."

Sera nearly tackled Scarlett to the ground trying to pry the letter from her hands. 

"Buttercup, slow down! You're gonna break something."

"Like my fucking finger- ow, Sera! Get off!"

Blackwall stepped in, hurling Sera over his shoulder before throwing her back in her tent. 

"Grey Wardens are no fun!"

Blackwall smiled, "Don't get me wrong, I do find it amusing that you of all people are writing a love letter."

Scarlett huffed, "It's not a love letter, dammit! I just want to check on him."

"Then why can't we read it?" Varric said. 

She didn't say anything, so Sera found another question to ask,

"What do you call him?" 

"Call him? Like a pet name?"

"Cullen Wullen? Cully Wully?"

"He'd hate it if I called him that."

"Bet he likes you in other ways."

There can't be one day that goes by where mindless teasing isn't a part of it. 

Varric laughed, "Like how?"

"Lot's of men under him needs a woman over him. Because positions."

Everyone was laughing now, but Scarlett would be lying if she said she didn't find the innuendo amusing also. 

"Have you bedded him?"

"Sera, we've only just started. It's not like I already know the size of his dick."

"You went there with Bull, though, ain't that right?"

"Bull was a one night stand. There's a difference."

Blackwall sighed, "Kill me now, Maker."

She took the now crumpled piece of paper back in her hands and tried to finish what she was writing. It didn't help that Varric was peeking over every five seconds to try a catch a glimpse of it. She only hoped Cullen wouldn't mind it was messed up now thanks to these amazing idiots. 

 


 

Cullen,

I haven't written a personal letter in... I don't even remember, so forgive me if I sound as if I have no idea what I'm saying. We're not at Crestwood as I'm writing this, but we might be when this gets to you. I'm sure you're having fun in Skyhold, considering our moment was completely and entirely private and alone. I'm receiving my fair share of mocking here also. I really want I've never been good at saying things like this, but I miss you. I wish I didn't have to leave so soon. Are you feeling alright? I don't know the last time I've asked that, but I probably should have done it earlier. Tell me if  I want to know if Sorry that the paper's dirty and crumbled. Sera was tackling me on the ground for a chance to read it. Don't worry, she didn't get it.

Scarlett.

 

He was about to get ready for bed, but immediately changed all of his plans, grabbing a slip of paper and a pen. He didn't know what he would say to reply, so he just let the words fall out of him,

 

Scarlett,

You don't have to worry about a thing. I'd much rather receive a war-torn letter from you than something business-related. I'm having an amazing time here. Josephine and Leliana have been teasing me nonstop since you left. Not even twenty minutes after you left, to be specific. I shouldn't be surprised, however. You wouldn't believe how quickly gossip spreads through the barracks. I miss you too, more than usual. And yes, I'm fine. Don't concern yourself with my problems. 

Cullen

p.s. I'm pleased to hear you kept it out of Sera's hands out of all people.

 


 

He missed her too... Scarlett thought she was going out on a limb saying something like that. It wasn't because it was untrue, but dealing her emotions in on all this wasn't something she was used to. It wasn't even that fucking emotional, either, she was just a mess. She was used to hurried fucks in brothels, taverns, and even the woods if she was desperate. This wasn't a typical hurried fuck. This was a relationship she was in now, or at least she thought it was. From what she learned after leaving the circle, basing her expectations for courtship off of her and Nerianna wasn't exactly accurate. Therefore, she didn't know what to expect with Cullen. It was exciting, but if there was something she was still worried about, it'd be the emotional shit. 

She still couldn't resist writing him back, however,

 

Cullen, 

I will concern myself with your problems. Isn't that how these things work? I know you worry about me, too, so it makes no difference. Does it bother you? The gossiping, I mean? While it's annoying having Sera ask me all of the sex-related questions in existence, I don't regret anything.  

Scarlett

p.s. Sorry this is so short, we've almost arrived and we're not wasting time.

 

She received his next letter much more quickly than she anticipated. When it came, before she had the chance to take it, it was snatched by Varric instead.

"Varric, no, give it!"

"This is the second letter in less than a week. You two are way far gone."

Sera joined in, "Pass it here!"

Great, she was going to try and protect it from the constant downpours, but that plan was ruined. Would she be able to see the ink anymore?

Scarlett didn't even feel like fighting it. They'd give it to her eventually. Just as Sera started to open it, Blackwall took it from her and gave it to Scarlett. The Warden could be exceptionally kind sometimes.

"Thank you again, Blackwall."

He smiled, "I don't see what the big deal is, anyway. It should be you and Cullen's business alone."

"Then why did they do it on the battlements?" Sera blurted out.

Scarlett was already deep into the letter at this point and let her three companions bicker by themselves,

 

Scarlett,

About the gossip, I would rather my our private affairs remain that way. But if there were nothing here for people to talk about, I would regret it more. And... I do believe you're right. That is how relationships work, I think. Perhaps I shouldn't have pushed you away so quickly, I'm sorry. It's difficult sometimes to speak of the things that trouble me, and I would much prefer to not tell you them in a letter. I do worry about you, such as right now while I'm writing this. There's no such time when you've left Skyhold, or Haven for that matter, that I don't worry for your safety. I'm eagerly awaiting your return.

Cullen

 

Scarlett put the letter in her pocket to read again later after dealing with the Warden. It made her heart swell to think he's worried since Haven

Varric must've seen her grin, "What did he write this time? A love poem? An oath to the Maker declaring his eternal love for you?"

Scarlett shook her head. She didn't want either of those things because she hated poetry and she barely believed in the Maker anyway. The letters he wrote were plenty enough for her.

Notes:

I may not be updating for a while so here's another chapter to hold you over

Chapter 33: Eagerly Awaiting

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Alistair was... different than what she was expecting. Scarlett knew some things from stories of the Hero of Ferelden and the Blight, but still, the image in her head was more of a fairy-tale prince rather than a solemn, lonesome Warden running from Corephyus. Still, childhood Scarlett was squealing inside as she spoke with him. She only wished it was under happier circumstances. On their way back to Skyhold, Alistair and Scarlett walked ahead than the rest of the group, leaving Varric, Hawke, and Sera further back to torment Blackwall. As the two spoke, Scarlett had to bring up the Hero of Ferelden. She couldn't help herself, for she had never been more fascinated by an individual in her life. She was her childhood idol.

His answer sounded just as forlorn, "No, she left before any of this began. A mission of her own, something personal. We Wardens don't live that long. The Calling I spoke of, the real one, before it went crazy, eventually it kills us. The thing is, when we killed the archdemon... we discovered that might not be as set in stone as we thought. She's searching for a way to end the curse. For us both. Maybe for us all."

"The way you talk about her, I'm surprised you aren't still together."

"Oh, there was a discussion, believe me. Someone had to look into the rumors about Corypheus. We didn't know what was involved at the time. She was going to stay to help, but we had a lead that couldn't wait. One of us had to go. When I'm done here, we'll be together again. Forever, this time."

Forever... Cullen suddenly popped into Scarlett's mind for some reason. 

"How can the Calling be stopped? Is that actually possible?"

"Grand Enchanter Fiona was once a Warden, so I'm told, but had the taint completely drawn out of her. There was also a Warden named Avernus who extended his life far beyond what should have been possible. So we looked into it. We weren't going to give up without a fight. That's when we found a rumor that meant going deep into the west. It wasn't much, but we've done more with less. My love will find a way, I'm certain of it."

With every word Alistair spoke of her, Scarlett couldn't help but wonder if Cullen would speak of her this highly.

"Have you been happy with her in the years since the blight?"

His grin was brighter than she had seen yet, "Happier than I ever dreamed possible. She's more than I deserve... and I hope I make her days... easier as well. She was rebuilding the Wardens in Ferelden, while I hunted darkspawn leftover from the blight. It was hard work for both of us, but we always had eachother."

She imagined Cullen in her head speaking to whoever, saying things in such a way as Alistair had. One of his men, a stranger, it didn't matter. She was acting foolish, she knew, but her heart was swelling nevertheless. When Scarlett didn't reply, she assumed Alistair looked over and saw the sappy expression on her face, "Did I just make you swoon, or-"

She snapped out of her thought, "Oh, yes, of course you did. I must not be able to resist your awkward charm."

"It's quite alluring isn't it?"

They laughed together for a beat before Scarlett felt it in her to tell him otherwise, "It's only... When I was sixteen, and you'd defeated the Blight, I couldn't tell you how much I idolized her. To a girl trying to make by in the Circle, it was amazing to hear a mage had done that. Since I became Inquisitor I've heard people say things about how perhaps I may be just as strong as the Hero of Ferelden, or stronger for the mark on my hand."

"What do you think?"

She didn't need to think twice, "I'm absolute nug-shit compared to her. And I'm not going to argue about it."

"You give yourself too little credit."

"Think so?"

He shrugged, "From what I've heard, I think you are very brave and strong, badass. I believe she'd think so, too."

"Well, I appreciate that."

"You're very welcome."

She and Alistair talked for the rest of the return journey and was surprised at how well they bonded. She was so caught up she nearly forgot to reply to Cullen's last letter he'd sent her. Almost. 

As she wrote while they sat around a fire at their camp, Sera had to poke more fun, "She's doing it again!"

Hawke intervened, "Doing what?"

"Scarlett has been very involved with someone at Skyhold, lately, and she's been very grumpy about it," Varric said.

"Ooh, a romance?" asked Hawke.

"Maybe a little bit," Scarlett said. Giving in to the teasing might make it a bit more bearable.

Alistair peered over to look at what she was writing, "Cullen? Cullen... Rutherford? Isn't he your commander?"

Hawke laughed, "Oh I knew him. He's like the asshole of the century. Hates mages-"

"He's not like that anymore," she said.

Hawke looked to Varric for confirmation.

"It's true. Curly's definitely gotten better on the whole 'mages are not people' idea."

"Really?" Hawke shrugged.

"I don't think Scarlett would be so enamored with him otherwise."

She shook her head, "I'm not enamored. Not... entirely."

"You've been together less than a few weeks and you've already written him three letters," Varric smiled. He seemed all too happy to have Hawke along his side to tease her with him.

"I remember Cullen also," Alistair added.

Scarlett looked up, "You do?"

"Yes, although it was only once and he wasn't exactly... It wasn't the right time."

"What does that mean?"

She had a hint she shouldn't press further, but she was too curious.

"It was in the Circle. Ferelden's Circle. The best place to be during the Blight, definitely."

Scarlett didn't pry much when she and Cullen spoke of the Circle. She knew he served in Ferelden's and Kirkwall's, but hardly anything else. She couldn't blame him for being quiet, though. She didn't like speaking of Ostwick, either. At Alistair's sudden grim tone, Scarlett chose not to pry any further. She remembered what he'd wrote her last. How it's difficult for him to speak of the things that trouble them. She was sure they were about the Circle, some way...

When she finished writing, she allowed Alistair the special privilege of reading it. He didn't tease her like any of the others would have done since the letter was mostly about the Wardens anyway. He just smiled as he read the one personal bit she included: I might be more excited than usual to return to Skyhold. I'm sure you know why.

"This is almost child-like," he said grinning, handing it back to her. She had never been accustomed to those kind of things, maybe that's why it sounds so.

 


 

When Scarlett came back from Crestwood, he couldn't see her immediately. He had to finish up drills and Scarlett had to write a report on the Warden situation. Then they finally had a war room meeting. He couldn't greet her properly in front of Leliana and Josephine, but he took what he could get. Cullen was smiling and fidgeting with his fingers as they waited for her to enter, so Leliana had to point it out as she giggled. Seconds later, the Inquisitor joined them. To Cullen it was like a shining ray of light had come into the room,

"Inquisitor we were-"

"Eagerly awaiting your presence," Leliana intercepted, "Some of us, more than others."

"I wasn't- I-I mean, I was."

He groaned. Within less than ten seconds of seeing her he's already stumbled about himself like an idiot, "We have work to do."

"Of course," Leliana seemed all too happy with herself. 

Scarlett just shook her head, but he could've sworn he saw a grin underneath.

 

After the meeting concluded, Cullen was the first out of the door. He wasn't going to allow anymore teasing, blushing or stuttering or whatever to ruin things more for them. Maker knew he was embarrassed enough, so he was going to go to his office and stay there for the rest of the day if he could. When he shut the door behind him, the other one opened less than a minute later. He hadn't even made it to his desk yet.

Scarlett closed her door and leaned against it, staring at him intently, "Why are you running away from me?"

Her tone was playful, but he didn't know what to say to play along in return.

"I'm... not?"

She approached him, gazing back and forth between his eyes and his lips. 

"Well, I haven't received a proper hello. As your superior, I command you to resolve that immediately."

If she kept talking like that he'd do anything she'd ask. Cupping her chin, he leaned in and kissed her gently, much more gentle than their first. Barely a brush against her lips. Scarlett didn't seem to think it was enough, grabbing him by his breastplate and pulling him against her harder. She kissed him with such fervor that he thought she might not have enjoyed the tender kiss he just gave her. He held the back of her head and felt her sigh against his mouth, noticing that she'd seemed to do it every time he touched her hair. They moved until his back was against his bookshelf and her hands had found their way around his waist and up his back. That's when Scarlett slid her tongue along his bottom lip. His body froze as her warm tongue tried to make its way into his mouth. Cullen didn't know how to react, so he pushed her back lightly, breaking the kiss.

Breathless and very confused she asked him urgently, "What? What did I do?"

"N-nothing. You... I just-" 

Now this beautiful woman was leaning against his desk, looking at him and wondering if she did something wrong. He was the one that had something wrong with him. She needed to know the reason, know why he was being stupid. But he didn't need to say anything, she knew.

"You've... never kissed with tongue before, have you?"

This may have been more embarrassing than the moment in the war room ten minutes ago.

"I- I have."

"Tell me the truth," he'd be scared if she sounded judgmental like he figured she would, but it wasn't judgmental. He wasn't sure what it sounded like, but whatever the case, he'd be even more of a fool to lie to her, anyway.

"...No."

He stared down at the ground, refusing to see what he thought would be some kind of disapproving look on her face as he let the silence drag on. Cullen hadn't felt this insecure in a long, long time. Never had he had to worry about being with someone or the multitude of things that came along afterward. He isn't surprised she was assuming these things so quickly, Scarlett was smart like that. What he was scared of what that it'd put him in a different light, one that sets him apart from her and causes her to feel like she's not receiving enough from him. He realized that's what was going to happen: She'd never get what she deserved if she chose this relationship. It was obvious enough to him that she had done many... things of this sort. If she guessed outright he'd never even been to first base, she must think...

"Cullen, it's alright," her words snapped him out of it, but it didn't help.

He shook his head, "It's not, you're just telling me that-"

At first, he tried to escape back to the desk, but Scarlett didn't allow it. She took his hands in hers and led him back against the shelf. 

"Listen, I... I really like you. And I don't say this stuff to just anyone. Dumb things like that don't matter to me, okay?"

The look in her eyes told him she was serious. Cullen refrained from arguing with her about it because he would probably find him at a dead end and win. He just nodded.

She could see he didn't really believe her, "Here, I have an idea. I will get you past first base."

"You make it sound quite sad."

She pulled him by his hand and motioned him to sit at his desk. When he did, she positioned herself on his lap and Cullen barely suppressed the nervous lump in his throat that was about to form.

"You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course."

"First, lean back," he realized he was sitting up then and did so, especially considering it might not have been very comfortable for her either.

She took his face in one of her hands, caressing the stubble on his chin, "Now relax, and... I don't know how else to phrase it... let my tongue come into your mouth."

Cullen laughed, "I think there are many other ways you could have said it."

He was shut up seconds later when she pressed his mouth against hers. It was hinted Scarlett was trying to be more tender, and clear when she pressed down gently on his chin to pry his mouth open ever so slightly. It was enough room for her to slide her tongue in between his lips. He opened up to give her better access, and she responded by massaging the roof of his mouth. He'd never felt anything like it and it made him wonder why in Maker's name he pushed her away moments ago. She sighed when he grew bolder and reciprocated her actions. If he thought he knew what her lips tasted like before he was completely and utterly wrong. Cullen fell into such a deep trance he didn't realize one of his hands had snaked down to her backside, gripping and feeling her against the layers of clothing there. Scarlett gave one last lick, brushing barely against his scar, before pulling back. He thought he might faint when she licked her lips afterward. 

"See? Not much to be worried about."

He breathed and smiled, reveling in the lovely sight in front of him, on his lap, no less, running her fingers along his hair while his hands were on her... 

Realizing his position he coughed, jerking his hand back and setting it on the armrest. 

Scarlett obviously noticed the swift change and looked down at him amusingly, "What's wrong with my ass?"

Cullen opened his mouth but he didn't know how he was going to respond to that. He would've tried to say nothing was wrong with it, but she spoke for him, "Nevermind, it's alright."

She kissed him one more time before standing back up. 

"As much as I'd love to stay and make out more, I have to talk with Alistair now."

He didn't follow her. They'd have more time to themselves later.

"I'll see you tonight, maybe?" Cullen suggested.

She nodded before backing out of the door. Cullen leaned back and exhaled deeply because he felt considerably less worried and insecure now. Scarlett was probably right, it was nothing to be scared of those things. She cared for him as he for her, and that's all that truly mattered. Perhaps it'd take some time to fully accept it, but he was willing to try. For her, he would.

Notes:

We're getting into insecure Cullen territory now.

Chapter 34: Fantasy (NSFW)

Notes:

I'm back with some smut!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

She hated this. She hated this with every inch of her body. Every inch of her body she could feel, anyway, because she was wearing a fucking corset.

A. Fucking. Corset.

She hated the way the things pulled at her waist, constricting it to a third of its size. Scarlett considered corsets up there with Corephyus on the things-she'd-like-to-burn-to-bits-with-her-magic-scale. She couldn't burn this corset, though, because it was 'made with fine Orlesian velvet' and silk from fucking wherever. Josephine and Leliana seemed to love their corsets, however, as they tried on dress after dress that hung on the rack, oohing and aahing at whatever color or jewels adorned them. They'd set up a whole thing in her bedroom just for this. Scarlett was hoping the Winter Palace would make them wear those matching outfits, after all, this was painful. So far, she'd tried on two dresses, but took them off so fast because it either felt as if they were trying to squeeze the life out her arms or her tits. The two advisors tried to cheer her up about it at first, saying she'd find one that suited her but they soon realized that was impossible and moved on. 

"Wouldn't Cullen enjoy seeing you in a fancy dress? Just once?" Josephine smiled, twirling around in a particularly sparkly golden dress. It did look pretty on her. Gold was her color.

"If Cullen knows anything about me at all, he wouldn't put 'me' and 'dress' in the same sentence."

"I doubt that," Leliana said from behind the privacy partition she had also set up, "I would think he's like most men. What man like the Commander doesn't want to see a lady in a pretty dress."

"I am not a lady," Scarlett spat rather rudely. She wouldn't be so arrogant if she was wearing her normal clothes.

The spymaster laughed, "Of course not, Lady Inquisitor."

Josephine giggled too as she began to take off the dress she was wearing. Scarlett helped her with the zipper. 

Now the two waited in their corsets for Leliana to change into whatever dress she was putting on next. Neither of them heard the door opening or someone coming up the stairs with the shuffling Leliana was doing behind the partition. 

It was the sound of his voice that startled them both, "Scarlett, I have th-"

Josephine immediately grabbed a nearby robe and shoved it on. Scarlett barely had grabbed a sheet to wrap around herself before Cullen looked up. He almost dropped the report in his hand. 

"You had to bring this to me now?" She wanted to sound mad, but her smile told him otherwise. 

"I didn't realize... this would be going on. What is this, exactly?"

Josephine intervened, "We're picking out dresses, in case the Winter Palace calls on us to wear any."

"Ah."

Scarlett stared at the ground, "In other words, torturing the Inquisitor."

Leliana stepped out from behind the partition. She was wearing a long, blue dress this time. 

"Your only saying that because you haven't found one you like."

"Or because this corset barely allows me to breathe."

Cullen either looked extremely bored or slightly amused due to the ladies' banter. She couldn't tell which.

“We want your opinion on something while you’re here," said Josephine, "Wouldn't you like to see Scarlett in a dress at least once?"

Scarlett rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Cullen studied her up and down for a brief moment, causing her to realize her state of undress again.

He finally settled for "It wouldn't matter to me," and she let out a silent sigh of relief.

Leliana stepped closer to the group, "Not once? Not even at the Winter Palace?"

It was something in his tone that sounded like the teasing was getting bothersome now, "Didn't I just answer the question?"

"Leliana, that's enough," Josephine said while giggling, "I don't believe the commander is amused."

"Neither am I," Scarlett said. She adjusted her grip on the sheet and it accidentally, fell a little past the area where the corset tried to give all the cleavage she could possibly have. She wasn't sure she minded it anymore, Cullen might have even liked it.

It appeared Leliana noticed this. 

"Perhaps he would like to see you in other things," she said before grabbing the edge of the sheet and yanking it off her unexpectedly.

“Hey! Leliana!"

If she had grabbed the fucking robe before Josephine, she wouldn't be here, Cullen standing less than two feet away from her as she curls her arms around her waist. If he didn't know how many freckles she had before, he does now. The Ambassador and Spymaster just laughed as Scarlett and Cullen stood there unsure what to do with themselves. They both had their hands in their hair and faces red as tomatoes This felt like that time in Haven when Cullen busted in on their conversation about the stupid chest-touching situation.

He finally put down the report he'd been holding on one of the tables and, not even looking at her, slid his fingers over the pronounced curve in her waist and slightly lower. An inch further it would've reached the bare flesh. Her breath hitched because he was so close that she might have kissed him if the other women weren't in the room. Without another word he started back down the stairs and out of the room, parting her with only a smile, a smug-as-shit little smile. Leliana and Josephine were something of speechless. That is until Leliana started laughing again.

The door shut and Josephine spoke, “I would not have expected that from him.” 

“Honesty, I wouldn't have either,” Scarlett admitted.

The game of 'Let's tease The Commander and The Inquisitor' was only going to get worse from here. 

 

Scarlett ended up not finding a fucking dress after all of that. It was fine to her though, she was just glad she might not have to wear a blighted corset. That's not what she was thinking about, though. She was thinking about Cullen as she sat at her desk, signing paper after paper, filling out report after report. She understood something now, or should she say realized. 

Scarlett was the one in charge in this, most of the time, she could see that, but there were the brief moments where she wasn't. 

That time in Haven, their first kiss and now with the whole hand-snaking-it’s-way-around-her-body-in-a-corset ordeal. Little moments like those where she's embarrassed or slightly vulnerable is where he found his confidence. He would have never touched her like that with Leliana and Josephine in the room if she hadn't been flustered. Maybe alone... but never with them. It's not that the thought made her uncomfortable, quite the opposite. He does it unexpectedly, catching her completely off guard so much so she feels like falling in his arms.

Or tearing off his clothes. Same difference.

No man out of all people have had this effect on her. It was a bit scary, but thrilling all the same. Scarlett had barely noticed she had written 'tear off clothes' and 'Cullen' in the same sentence in the report she was writing. She crumpled and tossed it out so fast. Now she couldn't focus on the report because all that was running through her mind was the image of him pulling his shirt over his head, looking at her with that same smug smile he'd given her a couple of hours ago. 

Scarlett shifted in her chair, feeling she's gotten wet just by thinking of him taking off his fucking shirt. A year ago, she might have called that sad, but right now she doesn't give two shits. She already had a hand in her pants. She can imagine what he looks like shirtless: soft but toned and muscular, scars littered across his chest. Touching herself through her underwear gave her a little bit of needed friction and she began to fantasize. 

Horribly, cringey fantasies.

 


 

 

Cullen would have wished his thoughts were as pleasant.

He tried to go to bed early every so often so as to possibly avoid the nightmares that plagued him. It didn't help, but he was willing to try anything at this point. His nightmares were never about Scarlett. Maybe one or two have been, but she was never the center, sometimes just in the background like an extra. It's strange.

Tonight, though, she was there in clear detail. 

They're in his office, Cullen pinned against the door and Scarlett pressing into him rough and urgent. She breaks their searing kiss as she yanks her shirt off with such force it breaks some of the buttons. Practically assaulting his mouth with hers, she grabs one of his hands and brings it to her breasts still covered with her breast band. He's gentle, but she forces him on her harder and it feels like he might be hurting her. Scarlett brings her mouth to his neck, sucking harshly while she fumbles with the ties on his trousers. 

That's what does it for him. 

He shoves her away more forcefully than he had before. She looks at him with something of disgust, "What the hell is it now?"

"You're being too rough, too fast."

She scoffs, "Cullen, that's how men like it, how I like it. You should know that."

 


 

In less than ten minutes she moved to her bed. Her pants and underwear long gone, Maker knows where they are in the room right now. In her little dream Cullen's touching her clit like she is right now and fuck his fingers are big, bigger than hers. Slightly more coarse than her smooth fingertips but it feels great anyway. Scarlett can't remember the last time she's let herself just feel something. Sure, she slept with Bull, but when's the last time she felt herself

She could get off just to the sight of him under her, staring at her body, watching as he slides a finger inside her softly, softly like how he touches her everywhere. He's gentle and caring, so unlike her other lovers. Maybe it's what she needs. 

 


 

"I'm not going to hurt you. I don't see why you're so scared."

"I-I haven't done this before, you know that. Does it have to be so... rough?"

She rolled her eyes, "Look, it's already enough you're a virgin. Can you get over yourself just this once and let it be the way I want it to be?"

"I don't think that's how it works-"

"How do you know how it works? You're the virgin here."

"I know a little bit! I'm not ignorant and I know I have a right to say I don't appreciate the way you're treating me."

"You sound as if I'm assaulting you. I'm the one who's been raped! Or did you forget?"

"No, of course not-"

Scarlett picked up her shirt off the ground and lazily threw it on.

"You're a fucking coward. You're thirty, Cullen, thirty and you can't find the fucking nerve to sleep with me."

Cullen scowled, "I'm sorry, but I-"

She was walking out of the door with her shirt half-buttoned, "No, it's fine. I'll just wait until your forty, maybe you'll be ready then."

It slammed behind her hard enough to wake everyone up, and it bounced back in his ears like a painful cry.

 


 

"Shit, ah."

Her fingers were moving at an impossible pace now. She didn't know how big his cock really was, but it didn't matter because he was moving insider her faster, and it was big. Not like Bull's obviously, but more than average.

She grabbed the pillows underneath her head as Cullen kissed her again, wet and filled to the brim with lust and passion. He whispered adoring words in her ears as he came inside her. On cue, she came just after him, barely covering her mouth before a scream escaped, turning into a muffled moan. She felt the wetness she'd secreted and brought it up to her mouth to taste as she collapsed. 

Fuck that was good. It was like the little pieces of stress were leaving her mind and disintegrating one by one. 

Scarlett wanted to hit herself for being childish but didn’t much care right now.

She should fantasize more often.

 


 

Cullen woke up with a groan in the middle of the night. His head was hurting and he couldn't stop thinking about her now, trying hard to pull the dream and reality into separate things. He did it rather easily, easier than his other nightmares. It felt so real, just as the dreams of Kirkwall and Ferelden feel. So real, the only way he told it and reality apart was that he knew the words she uttered would have never left her mouth if it had been real. Scarlett would never say those things to him. He told himself that over and over. It didn't completely sink in yet, but the monotony helped him fall back asleep.

She would never say that

She would never say that

She would never say that

 

Notes:

Weekly updates will continue for a little while then probably stop, but this work will never be abandoned. My DA obsession just comes and goes in phases. If you're actually still here I really appreciate you!😊

Chapter 35: Wicked Eyes And Wicked Hearts

Chapter Text

 

Cullen should be speaking with Leliana or Josephine, considering they are to arrive at the Winter Palace within the coming hour, but instead he’s hiding. Hiding outside in the garden of the building everyone else is currently in, getting dressed and prepared before they set off. Cullen’s prep time wasn’t very long since he didn’t have much to do anyway except gel his hair and put on the red formal attire all the men were assigned to wear. He wasn’t yet sure what the women were wearing. He stared at the sky, the sunset, and the patterns in the clouds when he heard the door open. 

Scarlett came out and smiled when she saw him, and she was actually wearing a dress. It wasn’t too fancy, a forest green dress that barely touched the ground, adorned with a thousand patterns of gold, but everything else was rather simple compared to what any Orlesian wore. Her red hair was in a unique braided style Cullen had never seen before, but some was let down in its natural waves. The only thing he placed wrong was her face, which was considerably more pale than usual...

"What are you doing sulking out here?" she asked playfully.

"They tried to cover your freckles."

Scarlett nodded, "I fought against it, but the makeup artists were adamant. Obviously, they couldn't cover them entirely, yet they tried."

He stepped closer to her, "But they're beautiful. You're beautiful. I don't understand why they would."

"I-mhm..." her expression softened as she sighed, "It's just annoying beauty procedures. I never understood them either, even as a little girl."

"One of the many reasons I never want to understand Orlais."

"Because they don't like freckles?"

"Yes. It's something I've always liked about you, even before."

"All of them? All the thousands here," she pointed to the exposed part of her chest the neckline of her dress reveals. She did have a lot of freckles there, but the makeup artists tried to suppress them also.

"here," she pointed at her back, "here," she placed a hand on her thigh, "and everywhere else you can possibly think of?"

Cullen looked at her steadily and smiled, "Mhm. Every single one."

Her eyes went back and forth between his and his lips before she pulled him by the waist and pressed her lips to his. His hand found itself in her hair, holding the back of her neck gently so as to not mess up the braids. She parted her mouth enough to let him in, and Cullen, much less nervous this time, let his tongue enter the mix. Maker, this woman will be the death of him one day.

Scarlett broke the kiss briefly and spoke breathlessly, "You really like them?"

Cullen drew his fingertips along her cheeks and whispered, "Of course I do."

He was tempted to try to wipe away the makeup that suppressed them.

He drew her back in, feeling her sigh against his mouth while one hand moved to wrap around her waist and pull her close. His other hand dropped and traced hesitant lines across the exposed part of her chest. The skin was so soft but strong at the same time. He felt-

"You are filthy!"

Both pushed the other away immediately to see Dorian standing in front of them, hands on his hips and a fake-surprised look on his face.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Scarlett said rather quickly.

"Wondering why her worship went outside in her gown and no shoes."

Cullen looked down and just now noticing she indeed did not have shoes on. No surprise there.

"They were uncomfortable, so I'm stalling."

"By snogging?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m curious as to how you two will possibly keep your hands off each other during the ball. I understand the temptation, but the scandal...”

Dorian began walking back inside, Scarlett following close behind.

“You’re one to talk, you know?”

“However do you mean?”

“You have no idea what dirt I have on you.”

Cullen grinned to himself for a few moments longer before going back in as well. 

 


 

Every corner she turned in this ridiculously large palace, the more flashbacks Scarlett had of her younger self. Those memories weren't very pleasant. She could just picture her nine, ten-year-old self side by side with her father as he kisses up to every soul in the room that could grant him favor. All while he gushes over his 'preciously wonderful daughter' and not so secretly setting her up for future marriage arrangements she didn’t want. It made her sicker than she was already feeling. Maybe she shouldn't have had those tiny cakes...

The image of Cassandra dying inside while trying to maintain proper posture came into her peripheral vision, so she decided to chat for a moment.

The seeker sighed when she approached and blurted out what they both were thinking, "This ball is a waste of time, like all Orlesian foolishness."

"And here I thought you might have turned around and started dancing with the Grand Duke."

"Let's just find the Venatori collaborator and get out of here." Cassandra seemed to not be in the mood for sarcasm.

"Not enjoying yourself?"

"No. I can imagine you aren't either."

"All this does is remind me of why I was glad to leave home."

Cassandra grunted, "Orlesians pretend their petty squabbles are a 'game'. Yes, let us treat murder, corruption, and deceit as delightful amusements. How wonderful."

"Don't forget ritual backstabbing and sabotage."

"We are here to save Empress Celene, and it galls me. Why does she merit our protection? The empire would be better off without her. Gaspard is the leader Orlais needs in this crisis."

"You think Gaspard should take the throne? He doesn’t exactly have the cleanest record."

"Perhaps not, but he would see the true threat. Not spend his time throwing balls and writing letters."

Scarlett laughed, "Well, what if I decided to throw a ball one day?"

"I would command you to report to the infirmary. There would be something seriously wrong with your head."

 

Scarlett went to speak with Iron Bull and Dorian after her chat with Cassandra. After talking to Bull and moving on to Dorian, she noticed the two didn't stay too far away from one another in the Palace. How coincidental. The transition from the smooth interior palace floor to the cobblestone outside was difficult. The points of Scarlett’s heels were quite small and got caught in the small spaces more than she’d like to admit. Josephine would have probably shed a tear in fear and embarrassment if she had seen her almost trip over Lady Mont-de-Glace.

She finally made it to Dorian without falling, “Are you having a good time?”

“I don’t know. This is all so familiar. I half expect my mother to materialize from the crowd and criticize my manners.”

Scarlett thought about the same, except it would be her father materializing and ridiculing. Their pasts may have not been so different.

“I appreciate that you were willing to come here.”

“And expose myself to all this exquisite finery and exotic wines. Such hardship.”

“I meant not everyone will be friendly.”

“It’s true. You’d think I’d smell of cabbages the way they wrinkle their noses. It’s of no concern, but thank you.”

She glanced around the garden, watching if there were any gazes with furrowed brows and judgmental demeanors, wandering to where they were standing.

“Have you talked to Bull while we’re here?”

Dorian blinked a few times, “Do I have any particular reason to be speaking with him?”

“You tell me. He’s not far if you’re interested.”

“What in Maker’s name are you plotting?”

“Plotting?” Scarlett shook her head and smiled, "Other than to take down an assassin?”

“That is what you should be worried about right now other than whatever the hell you’re doing.”

“I’ve been talking to my companions, such as yourself, asking them if they’ve seen anything.”

He scoffed, “Bald-faced lie. I bet you’ve already snuck to an ass-end corridor of this palace to make out with your commander.”

Scarlett put a finger to his lips, “Keep your voice down. These Orlesians would have a field day if they found that out here.”

“Then don’t snog in-“

She shushed him again, quickly scanning around to see if there were any prying eyes. 

“We have done no snogging,” she whispered, "Matter of fact, I haven’t even spoken to him since we arrived.”

“Then you should rectify that right now, dear.”

Oh, how she’d fucking like to.

“Josephine said we shouldn’t speak too much at all or else that in itself would start rumors.”

“Aren’t there already rumors about, currently, the most famous woman in Thedas?”

“Of course, but-”

“Precisely. Now run along,” he shooed her away with a flick of his hand.

“You want me to leave so I don’t tease you about Bull again.”

“Quiet your tongue before you get shushed too.”

Scarlett put her hands up in surrender as she left the garden, Dorian snickering from behind. Before she could make it back inside, she couldn’t help but almost trip for the fourth time as her heel got caught in the cracks between the stones. She hoped Dorian hadn’t seen that. The ever so graceful Inquisitor.

 

 

Scarlett barely managed to spot Cullen inside the palace. The small crowd that surrounded him surprised and confused her at the same time. As she moved closer, she overheard the words being spoken. 

“Smile, commander. You’re so handsome when you smile!"

“He is just as handsome when he doesn’t.”

Scarlett approached the crowd in amusement.

“Are you married, Commander?”

He looked about ready to explode.

“Not yet, but I am… already taken.”

“Still single, then…"

Cullen must’ve seen her because he looked conceivably more happy than he did a moment ago.

“Inquisitor.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt you all, but may I have a word with my Commander?”

One of the men bowed, “Of course. Forgive us, your worship.”

Scarlett had Cullen follow her to an unoccupied section of wall not so secretly near some snack tables. They stood by a closed window and Cullen looked behind him like he’d finally lost an enemy he was running away from.

“Did you need something?” he asked, “The sooner we track down this infiltrator, the better.”

“I know Josephine said we shouldn’t talk, but I couldn’t help myself.”

He smiled, “I think she was overreacting and before you ask, no, I have seen anything.”

She nodded and grabbed a glass of wine from the table.

“You’re not getting drunk?”

“It’s one glass. I’m not that irresponsible."

“Perhaps I need one myself. I’ve already answered half a dozen questions about my personal life."

“Who were all those people?”

“I don’t know, but they won’t leave me alone!”

Scarlett barely suppressed her laugh, “Not enjoying the attention, then?”

“Hardly. Anyway yours-“ he cleared his throat and spoke softly, almost sultry, “yours is the only attention worth having.”

That thing happened again that happened in the garden not two hours ago. Her head was foggy, heart-swelling, legs suddenly feeling a little weaker. In a distorted haze of emotion, she asked him something she’d never thought she’d ask in a lifetime,

“I don’t suppose you’d save a dance for me?”

“No, thank you.”

“Oh."

“No! Maker’s breath-“ he sighed, “I’ve answered that question so many times, I’m rejecting it automatically.”

This time, she did laugh. Not too loud though or else it might have seemed suspicious to the others.

“I-I’m not one for dancing. The templars never attended balls.”

“I understand.”

“However, you’re one of the last I expected to offer. I didn’t realize you’re one for it.”

Oh no, she’s damned herself. 

“I am not. Absolutely not.”

“Really? You did just ask-”

“Only with… certain partners,” she finished off the wine and placed the glass back on the table, "That’s all I’m going to say about that. Have fun with your entourage.” 

She began to walk away as he whispered, “I await your signal."

Chapter 36: For you, I'll try

Notes:

Quarantine's brought me back from the dead

Chapter Text

 

He’d been looking for her since she went to speak with Empress after exposing Duchess Florianne. Afterwards, he quickly found that he wasn’t the only one who desired the Inquisitor’s attention. The ball had taken off, and while everyone seemed twice as bubbly and obnoxious than they were an hour ago, things felt more calm than they had been. Scarlett wouldn’t be around to deal with that. He finally spotted her across the way past a door to one of the balconies of the palace. There was another woman in a darker dress slowly walking away as he approached. Cullen saw her steps, her head held high and recognized it was Morrigan. He glanced at her curiously, but she didn’t look at him. He didn’t care, he just wanted to see Scarlett, who was turned away from him at the moment.

“There you are. Everyone’s been looking for you.”

She didn’t acknowledge him, but when he turned and saw her face he knew she was just tired. Her braids were coming undone and the makeup that subdued her freckles had worn off almost entirely.

“Things have calmed down for the moment. Are you all right?”

“I’m just worn out. Tonight has been… very long.”

“For all of us. I’m glad it’s over.”

Even with tired eyes and a small, recent scrape on her chin, she was still beautiful. Cullen wanted to ask who gave her the scratch, but refrained. 

He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, “I know it’s foolish, but I was worried for you tonight.”

“All I did was kill a few mercenaries and dance with a duchess.”

“With a mystery assassin on the loose who’s working for Corypheus.”

“Who turned out to be my dance partner.”

Cullen chuckled, “Is that what you meant by specific partners?”

“Of course. What, did you think I was talking about you?”

“I suppose I was mistaken.”

The band began to play a different song, a slower song. She didn't seem to notice or care, but the situation was playing out rather conveniently. It didn't hurt to ask, maybe she'd like it. He looked at the door then back at Scarlett before moving behind her.

“I may never have another chance like this, so I must ask.”

She turned around and seemed surprised when he extended his hand.

“May I have this dance, my lady?”

“Just don't call me 'my lady' again,” she said as she took his hand, “But I thought you didn’t dance?”

He snaked the other hand around the small of her back, “For you, I’ll try.”

 

Cullen spoke to soon, because in a little less than ten seconds he found himself stepping on her toes multiple times. He apologized every time rather frantically, but Scarlett just giggled and kept going. How in the world did she do this with Florianne so flawlessly without falling over?

Eventually she let go of his hand and wrapped both her arms around his neck, tired of trying to figure out their feet. He did the same to her waist, and so they just swayed to the music. It was much better now, and he hadn’t even stepped on her toes yet. As Scarlett stared into the distance, Cullen took the time to study her eyes; bright as amethysts but darker around the edges. He wondered why he hadn't taken the time to appreciate them before. They were absolutely enchanting.

A smile began to grow on her face, "One of the maids that lived with us when I was girl taught me to dance. Not for events or balls like this, but just for fun. She managed to make it fun and... actually enjoyable."

Cullen stared at her as she rambled. The activities in the garden had wore away the pale powders and creams on her face, much to his liking. Hers too, probably.

"I'd say it's the only 'girlish' thing I enjoyed doing then, and now."

She looked back up to his eyes and scrunched her nose, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's endearing. Your story, I mean."

"Now I'm endearing? Oh hooray."

"It's not so bad to like those things, is it?"

"No but... After my mother died, none of those things ever sounded fun to me. I wanted to do them with her, but I couldn't. My father was no help either he... Well, let's just say he wasn't the best company."

She seemed to have trailed off, and then suddenly jerked her head like she just snapped out of a trance.

"You... You won't repeat any of that, right? I never really talk that much about... my family."

He shook his head, "Of course not."

"Okay, good." she sighed and nodded to herself.

Cullen's heart wanted to leap from his chest when she rested her head on his shoulder. Scarlett's hair had a faint smell of sweat but it didn't bother him. They must've put on a heaping load of perfume because it nearly masked it. Cullen didn't remember how long they were like that, but it felt like a long time. He might have even fallen asleep listening to the music and distant chatter with her soft breathing against his shoulder, but then came a sharp pain in his temples. He'd felt it earlier while his entourage was ogling him, but he thought it was just due to the company. This one was worse. He stayed put at first for fear of ruining the moment, but Scarlett pulled back, running her hands along his arms.

"You're shaking. Are you okay?"

"Yes it's... I'm fine."

Her grip moved to his hands, which she caressed there.

"You're hands are freezing."

His entire forehead felt like knives were poking at him from the inside. He could focus on anything as his head began to spin.

"It's the withdrawal, isn't it?"

"No, it's fine."

"I know some spells that might help. Might make the headache go away faster."

"No, I said I'm fine," he jerked his hands away from her.

She looked scared, "Cullen, I just want to he-"

"Well I don't need your help."

As soon as he walked away he immediately regretted it, but his feet were taking him elsewhere. He couldn't recall much else from that night but the subsiding pain.

Chapter 37: Leashes

Chapter Text

 

Cullen had been acting strange ever since they'd gotten back from the Winter Palace. Scarlett visited him in his office once outside their regular war room meetings, and he barely even acknowledged her presence. She wasn't going to ask him about the lyrium spell at the ball, but it seemed as prominent in his mind as it was in hers. She'd given him a steady kiss on the cheek before she left. That was the first day after they'd returned. The next day she judged the duchess early in the morning before going to visit him. But this time, Cullen wasn't in his tower at all, with only a messenger there to greet her.

"Inquisitor, if you're looking for the Commander, he's gone to speak with Seeker Pentaghast."

She decided to investigate and headed down to the armory, thinking about why he might have gone to talk to her at this hour, rather than just send the messenger to do it for him. She originally went to the spot near the dummies to see that Cassandra nor Cullen were there, but then heard voices coming from inside.

Scarlett put her ear against the door and listened to Cassandra speaking in a slightly more frustrated tone than her usual one.

"You asked for my opinion and I've given it. Why would you expect it to change?"

"I expect you to keep your word. It's relentless. I can't-"

"You give yourself too little credit."

"If I'm unable to fulfill what vows I kept, then nothing good has come of this."

Okay, she heard enough. Time to do what she does best and intervene.

"Would you rather save face than admit-"

Cullen scratched his head when he saw who opened the door.

As Scarlett approached the two, he went the other direction, "Forgive me."

Cassandra scoffed, "And people say I'm stubborn. This is ridiculous."

The door shut behind them, rather loudly too.

"Cullen told you he's no longer taking lyrium?" 

"Yes, and I respect his decision."

"As do I. Not that he's willing to listen."

Scarlett wondered for a second if this was about what happened at the ball, but was quickly mistaken.

"Cullen's asked that I recommend a replacement for him," Cassandra shook her head, "I refused. It's not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him. He's come so far."

"Why didn't he come to me?"

Why the fuck did he think he needed to be replaced was what she wanted to ask.

"We had an agreement long before you joined us. As a seeker, I could evaluate the dangers. And he wouldn't want to... risk your disappointment."

Of course. No wonder he pushed her away before.

"Can we still change his mind?"

"If anyone could, it's you. Mages have made their suffering known, but Templars never have. They are bound to the order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break that leash. To prove to himself, and anyone that would follow suit, that it's possible. He can do this. I knew that when we met in Kirkwall."

Scarlett sighed, "I'm not sure if he wants to talk to me right now. He's been... distant since Halamshiral."

"But he cares for you and your opinion. Persist when you talk to him. Decide if now is the time."

 

Scarlett didn't hear anything outside his office when she approached. Perhaps he still wasn't even in there. She opened the door quietly and didn't expect the box that was suddenly flying at her face. She moved her head and it crashed into the door with a clang.

"Makers breath! I didn't hear you enter, I-"

"Cullen, please talk to me."

Cassandra was right. She wasn't going to let him deflect this away from her anymore.

"You don't need to-"

He groaned and fell against his desk, like his legs just turned to jelly.

"I never meant for this to interfere."

Scarlett stepped closer, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes... I don't know."

He pushed himself up and finally looked her in the eyes,

"You asked what happened to Ferelden's Circle. It was taken over by abominations. The Templars, my friends, were slaughtered."

Judging by Alistair's silence on the topic before, she had assumed nothing good happened there. He moved to the window, clenching one fist and rubbing his head with the other.

"I was tortured. They tried to break my mind and I... How can you be the same person after that?"

The weight of a thousand bricks felt like it was dropped on her heart. It must have been how he felt when she told him about her assault...

His voice was wavering and he still wouldn't look at her, gesturing at the window,

"Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight-Commander and for what, hm? Her fear of mages ended in madness. Kirkwall's Circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets. Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?"

"Of course I can, I-"

"Don't. You should be questioning what I've done."

She wanted to be closer to him, but it probably wouldn't have helped. She settled her hands on her hips as he began to pace back and forth.

"I thought this would be better. That I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won't leave me. How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause..."

His tone was on the verge of yelling and each pained word struck a chord inside of her she couldn't explain.

"I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry. I should be taking it!"

She almost jumped back when he lashed out and firmly punched his bookshelf.

"I should be taking it..."

But this wasn't about the fucking Chantry, not even about the fucking Inquisition. This wasn't an order or assignment she or anyone else had put upon him. This was about breaking the Chantry's leash. This was about finding himself again. This wasn't for anyone else.

This was for him.

"This doesn't have to be about the Inquisition. Is this what you want?"

He finally looked at her steadily again and slowly relaxed his fists, "No."

The anger was fading, the tension releasing as she stepped even closer now.

"But... these memories have always haunted me. If they become worse, If I...If I cannot endure this..."

She steadied him with a hand on his breastplate, forcing him to face her as she told him, "You can."

Cullen exhaled deeply, "Alright."

Scarlett grabbed his hand and led him to his chair, "Come sit."

He obviously didn't feel like fighting her anymore because he complied and slumped in the chair at his desk. 

"Do you have a headache?" she asked.

"Just a small one. It'll fade."

The rage was still subsiding, she could feel it in his voice. She moved behind him in the chair, "I'm going to use a spell. It'll help, I promise."

"You don't need to-"

"Cullen."

"...Okay."

She moved slowly, so as not to catch him guard as she made her hands grow ice-cold, then placed a hand gently on his forehead. The anchor reacted slightly to her spell, at it would sometimes do, but he didn't seem to notice. He sighed at the contact, which was a good sign.

"Where does it hurt most?"

"...Temples."

Scarlett smiled at his tone. It was already calm, relaxed. Her hands moved to the sides of his forehead and she rubbed in soft, circular motions. It was relaxing for her too, watching him as he closed his eyes, breathing in contentment at her touch. A drastic change to how they were just a minute ago. The way her heart was swelling as she looked at him wasn't scaring her right now as it did sometimes. Like at the ball where she rambled about family and dancing and shit. He listened to her with no disregard or judgment, his eyes told her that much. And she loved it more than she could describe. These things were starting to become clearer and she was starting to understand. It's not all just sex and empty emotions. Right now, it felt like much more.

"Thank you," he said with a smile.

"You're welcome. But please, don't brush me off next time this happens."

"I'm sorry, it's... I'll try not to."

"That's all I ask."

She leaned over the chair and gave him a soft peck on the lips, maybe to help confirm it for him that she was here for him, that he didn't have to push her away.

Chapter 38: Perseverance

Chapter Text

Scarlett and her party were about to leave for the Western Approach. It'd been a couple of days since the incident passed, but he still had some things he needed to tell her. He'd had the chance but just didn't get the words out, replaying them over and over in his head to see if they sounded normal, and not too incredibly cheesy. Every day since the talk she'd nagged at him in a way that almost reminded him of his mother. She came every morning and asked if he needed food, tea, head massage, kisses. Most of the time it was just kisses, maybe a head massage. It was another thing about her that made her so... cute. She'd hate that word, but blast it, that's what she was.

That's why he needed to talk to her before she left. To thank her.

Cullen got up slightly earlier than usual and went to her quarters, where he assumed she'd still be packing. She always prepared up to the last minute for her journeys.

He knocked but didn't wait for a reply before entering.

"Cullen?"

"Yes?"

"Good, it's you. You can help me with this-this fucking thing."

He went all the up the stairs only to see Scarlett with her hands up and what looked like the shirt and cuirass of her light armor covering her head and upper body. Her breasts and stomach were exposed, though, save for her bra, but Cullen's heart went in his throat.

"This stupid armor never wants to go past the boobs."

"I see... What do you want me to..."

He moved closer and couldn't help but notice the mass of freckles where the toned lines of her abs were. That's where the freckles were the most, it had to be.

"Just pull it forward then down."

Cullen did so, trying as hard as he could to not touch her breasts, but it proved difficult. He may have brushed them ever so slightly, but the armor flopped down anyway, finally revealing her face and her hair which was a bit of mess now.

"Yay. Thank you. I usually have to get Dorian or Cassandra to do it later on."

Scarlett began tying the ties of her garment, moving on to pack the rest of her things.

"What'd you want to see me about? Say goodbye?"

Cullen finally remembered why he was here.

"I wanted to say some things before you left. I... I wanted to thank you..."

She looked up at him, curious.

"When you came to see me..." He scratched his head, "If there's anything..."

Maker's breath he just can't say anything to this woman without making a fool of himself.

"This sounded much better in my head."

She walked back over to him, "Are you okay?"

"I am it's just..."

He stared down at the ground, trying to find the words. He watched as she took his hands in hers, twiddling with his fingers.

"I never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden's Circle. I was... not myself after that. I was angry. For years, that anger blinded me, I'm not proud of the man that made me."

Cullen always wondered what'd it be like if they'd met before, if she saw the way he was before. The very thought frightened him because he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she'd hate him.

"The way I saw mages... I'm not sure of would've cared about you, and the thought of that sickens me. But now I can put some distance between myself and everything that's happened."

She smiled at him, "For what it's worth, I like who you are now."

"Even after-"

She gave him that 'stop talking' look again that he'd only seen a couple of times before. It reminded him of Cassandra.

"I care about you, you've done nothing to change that. I mean, you just saw my tits. I think that means I like you a little bit."

He laughed, "But I'm serious. Thank you. For everything these past few days."

"You're welcome."

Cullen stayed a little while longer, enjoying the feeling of her hands in his before leaving her to finish packing.

 

In a few hours, her party was ready to leave, making final preparations for the horses and supplies by the entrance of Skyhold. He came to her again to say goodbye because it'd be weeks before he got to see her again. At least he could write.

She spotted him approaching and smiled, "Just can't stay away from me, can you?"

"I don't think I could if I tried."

He heard a fake-vomit noise from nearby. Dorian.

Scarlett ignored it and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Can you two be any more disgusting. Some of us just ate, you know?" Dorian said as he hopped on his horse.

She responded to his teasing by kissing Cullen full on the mouth.

Blackwall sighed, "I'd stop teasing before she tries to strip him in the middle of the courtyard."

Scarlett pulled away then and mounted her horse, "I'll write to you when we arrive. You'll be alright?"

He nodded, "Cassandra's still here, she'll check on me in your place, I'm sure."

"Tight, cold hands, but they loosen. She breaks the chains, breaks the leash, makes him see more-"

"That's enough, Cole."

Scarlett's face was red, his too probably.

Dorian rolled his eyes, "I am officially sick now, thanks to the three of you."

The party set off out the gate, and Scarlett gave him one last little wave. He watched until they were but specks in the mountain landscape before him.

 

Cullen headed up the stairs towards the armory, where Cassandra already decided to stop him for a chat.

"Did they leave yet?"

"Yes, just now."

She sighed, "I wanted to say something to the Inquisitor, but it seems I'll have to wait."

They began walking back toward the armory.

"What was it?"

"That she wouldn't have to worry for you while she's gone."

He chuckled, "I think she already knows."

"Perhaps. It wouldn't hurt to be reminded."

Cassandra sort of nagged at him too. Not quite the same as Scarlett, maybe more like an older sister than a mother. Cullen suddenly thought of Mia and grew nostalgic.

"I was concerned when I told her to talk to you. From the way it sounded, you'd be obstinate and refuse to listen to her too. I suppose I was wrong."

She was right. Cullen had wanted to push her away again, tell her not to be concerned for the thousandth time, but it would have only delayed the inevitable talk. Now, he didn't understand why he acted the way he did. He still felt bad about it.

"My anger blinded me so much so I almost didn't. I acted... inappropriately, untowardly. I'm surprised she stayed and listened to me."

"If anyone could put up with your stubbornness and not get tired of it, it'd be her."

"She's as stubborn as I am."

"I believe it. Must be the only way, then."

It must be. Cullen can't imagine anyone else putting up with him, even for the short amount of time they've been together. Nevertheless, he was grateful. The conversation carried on inside until their duties called for them again.

Chapter 39: Quieter, Stronger

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A week into their journey to the Western Approach, Scarlett received a letter with a seal she immediately recognized. Dorian, Blackwall, and Alistair were already sound asleep, Blackwall snoring like a hog, but Cole was still awake, playing with the little dried shrubs on the ground by the fire. He complained before that he couldn't hear them, probably because they were dead.

When she tore the letter open, the anchor began to pulse again. This was the third time today it had done so at an irregular time. She hadn't even closed any rifts today. It stung, but went away within the minute, thankfully. She shook her hand and resumed to what she was doing.

Scarlett smiled as she read the words Cullen wrote for her, glad that the other idiots weren't there to laugh at her or try to take it. They weren't anything particularly over the top or romantic.

Scarlett,

I simply wanted to write to you to tell you that I miss you. I know you're busy so I don't wish to take much of your time. Don't worry for me too much, if you are. Cassandra and Leliana have been pestering me almost as badly as you do. Not that it's bad. It's not bad when it's you, just annoying with them. I wish that I could have come with you, or that you could still be here, but I suppose I can't have everything. It doesn't stop me from missing you, though.

Be safe, Cullen

When she looked up, Scarlett saw Cole was staring at the letter with a puppy-eyed expression.

"Can I read?"

She nodded and extended the parchment to him, "Sure."

He stared at the letter for a long time, as if he read it over twice.

"He won't tell you because he is afraid. Weak and broken, ashamed you saw him, but he sounds new. Echoes of laughter on an empty riverbed, not for sailing but safer."

Another phrase for her to decipher. At least now she knew what to write Cullen back with tomorrow. Though, she quite liked Cole's insight on her inner circle. It made her feel a little more knowledgeable.

"Do you have anything else? What about something... about me. With Cullen, I mean."

The boy tapped his foot on the sand, head down, and thinking.

"It's okay if there isn't anything."

"But there is. He sees you, hears you more than anyone else. He changes because of you. Safe and solid, protecting and proud. He feels like quiet, stronger when you hold him."

Changes... stronger...

Scarlett felt a little uneasy at the words, but it didn't frighten her. She was taken aback by how much she must affect him.

Cole gave her the letter back, "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, it's alright."

The boy stood up smiling before beginning to wander off.

"Don't go too far, Cole."

"I just want to find some more plants, plants I can hear."

She didn't really need to concern herself. Cole went off by himself more than anyone probably realized.

 

After another long, tiresome two weeks in the approach, Scarlett and the party returned to Skyhold with the unsettling information about Erimond and the fucking demon army. They knew about already from Alexius and the mages at Redcliffe, but now it was here. Her mark kept acting up too, pulsing and stinging during anything from getting dressed to casting spells. Even Dorian noticed and commented. She said it was nothing, that the pain faded quickly, but suddenly felt like Cullen how he pushed her away. It wasn't quite the same, maybe, but she still felt a little hypocritical.

Speaking of Cullen, he wasn't there to greet her at the gate like she had hoped, presumably busy. She'd just have to find him later and be sure to show him how much she missed him.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful otherwise, other than writing reports for the advisors on what they found out, and what might possibly happen next. She sat at the desk in her quarters, writing one copy for each advisor, when the door opened and Leliana came up the stairs.

"Hi. I was just writing the reports."

"Good. I spoke to Blackwall and he sounded on edge," she stepped closer to the desk, "I assume there's no good news."

Scarlett shook her head, "Not much, I'm afraid."

"I just wanted to let you know someone arrived in Skyhold a couple of days ago who asked for you. They're in the medic's area by the gate when you want to visit them."

"It's not an Ostwick Templar, is it?" she said jokingly.

Leliana laughed as she left, "I'd be surprised if they were."

She finished the last couple of sentences on the third report before going to investigate.

 

When Scarlett made her way to the courtyard, she was perplexed as to why Varric and Solas were standing along the wall that looked over the castle entrance. They were talking and Varric even laughed at something Solas said. 

"What are you two doing?" she asked playfully.

She spotted Cullen approaching out of the corner of her eye. Good, now she can say a proper hello. She smiled and waved at him before looking over the wall.

"I wanted to see if you knew this person. She came and asked Solas and I some really confusing questions about you before you got here..."

Varric's words were muted in her ears because right now she couldn't believe who she was looking at by the gate. She was turned away, but there was no mistaking her for someone else. The sun was suddenly too bright, the air too cold, stinging as she breathed heavily. The world became a haze, throat numb, heart dropping, and legs wobbly as she rushed down the stairs.

Notes:

I'm seriously considering rewriting/adding some things to the first ten or so chapters of this fic. After reading it again, I realized my writing style's changed a lot since I've started this work. That and the first chapters suck. After a couple more new chapters, I think that's what I'm gonna do. Thanks to all who are still here btw!

Chapter 40: Nerianna

Chapter Text

 

Cullen wanted to greet her as soon as she returned to Skyhold, but was occupied by a parade of soldiers and war reports that had to have come today and not earlier. He got through the majority of them, so he felt he deserved to pay Scarlett a visit. He was heading to the main building as he saw her talking to Varric and Solas. She smiled at him, but when she turned her head her face suddenly went pale.

"I wanted to see if you knew this person," Varric said. He was speaking of that elf that arrived the other day.

"She came and asked Solas and I some really confusing questions about you before you got here..."

Scarlett apparently wasn't listening, because she brushed past Varric and quickly ran down the stairs.

Varric smirked and shook his head, “I guess she does.” 

Cullen watched as the elf turned around when Scarlett reached the bottom of the stairs. He hadn’t gotten the chance to see her before, only hearing of her presence in Skyhold. She was rather fit for an elf, judging by the exposed areas in her garment, her hair long and silver. He also couldn’t help but notice the mage's staff on her back.

“I’m not surprised. It makes sense,” said Solas.

“It does?”

The elf and Scarlett collided in a crushing embrace. The strange thing was that the elf held the back of her head with a hand, almost caressing. It was something he would often do to her too.

Solas shrugged, “She is a mage. An old friend from the Circle, perhaps?”

The elf abruptly ended the hug before grabbing Scarlett’s face and pulling her into a searing kiss. Cullen felt as if a giant weight had been dropped onto his chest.

"Or maybe more than friends..." Varric remarked.

Scarlett's eyes were wide and she abruptly pushed her away a few moments later, but Cullen was already heading down the stairs. Obviously she wasn't expecting her to do that, but he was going to put his foot down on the situation anyway. When he neared the bottom, he saw the elf staring at her weirdly as Scarlett was barely able to stutter her way through a sentence. The elf noticed him, and that's when Scarlett turned around and saw him.

"It's... This is..." she scratched her head, laughing nervously.

He couldn't help it, but he felt like he was staring down the elf-mage a little too intensely

"Nerianna, this is... Cullen," he extended a hand, and the elf took it tentatively.

"Commander Cullen, my Commander. We're... together."

The elf, Nerianna, instantly realized as a surprised expression spread across her face.

"Oh! Shit... I-I didn't mean-"

He cut her off, "It's alright. I'm sure you wouldn't have tried anything if you'd known."

Cullen wasn't really as upset with this elf right now.

She began to step back, probably intimidated. He did approach rather vehemently.

"...We'll catch up later, Scarlett."

"You don't hav-"

Nerianna shook her head, "Your ambassador wanted to get me better accommodated anyway. I'll see you later."

She turned on her heel and went the opposite direction, walking as fast as she could. He was grateful that she made an exit, though, because now he might get an explanation.

"So..." 

Scarlett could barely look him in the eye, "I... I'm sorry, I... ugh." and seemed to prefer glancing back and forth towards the stairs, as if she was hoping the elf was still there.

"Did you forget my name?"

"No! Of course not, I just got... disoriented."

Disoriented? What in Maker's name did that mean?

"Who is she?"

"An ex. We were together in the Circle."

He scoffed, "And she's here now because... Does she think you're still together?"

"No! Well... I don't know why she's here after all this time," she groaned and put a hand on her forehead, "This is not what I wanted right now."

Cullen didn't want to be mad at her, and maybe he wasn't. Maybe it was just the kiss that made him upset like this. Scarlett was hugging herself now, and it was clear that she felt bad.

"It's..." he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "It's fine. I'm sure you weren't expecting this."

"The hell I wasn't. I thought she was dead!"

"Dead?"

She shook her head, "It's complicated."

He could see there was more to this than she was letting on.

A soldier approached from behind, startling them both, "Commander! A message for you."

Really, now...

Cullen took the piece of paper from the messenger, but by the time he started reading it Scarlett was walking away from him. Oddly enough, the direction Nerianna had gone. He decided to leave this alone for now, for he had not the time to think it about it anyway. They'd talk in further detail later though. He wasn't going to let this go just yet, not until he was sure of this elf's intentions- and Scarlett's.

 


 

 

 

Without missing a beat, Scarlett went straight to Josephine to see where Nerianna was staying in the castle.

"Oh good. You know the mage?"

"Extremely well, which I don't think is a good thing right now."

She looked concerned, "Why?"

"She's an old lover... from the Circle."

"Ah."

"And Cullen just watched as she kissed me in the courtyard."

"Even better."

"Life is never dull for the Inquisitor, is it?"

Josephine sighed, "She's staying in the mage's tower, I believe, but she could have gone elsewhere."

"Thank you, Josie."

 

She went straight to the tower, hoping no one else would be in there, which there usually weren't many at this time of the day. She opened the door, and it seemed Nerianna had the same idea, as they nearly hit each other.

She was breathing heavily for some reason, "Hi."

"Hi. We need to talk."

"Mhm."

Scarlett walked all the way in and closed the door behind her. There were no other mages in the tower, judging by the lack of noise. She took a deep breath because now she could finally vent her frustration and confusion properly.

"How in fucks name are you not dead!"

She looked like she had no idea what she was talking about, "Dead?"

"The Circle rebelled, I searched after the chaos and I couldn't find you. I wrote to you every day as soon as I was able to and you didn't reply once. Every place I went to, I asked for you and no one knew an elven apostate with silver hair."

Her voice was shaky, and she tried to suppress it. What was worse was that Nerianna looked puzzled, like she couldn't understand why she was angry.

"Months pass, I move on and accept the fact you're dead. I go to the Conclave, become the Inquisitor and the Herald of fucking Andraste, find another partner, which I happen to really like, and now you want to come back and make out with me in front of said partner who is now not very happy with me!?"

Nerianna just stared at her for what seemed like the longest time. Her mouth opened many times but no words escaped until she finally spat something out,

"I'm sorry, but this situation isn't exactly convenient for either of us."

"You could have wrote me back. I know you got at least one of my messages."

"I did but... the fall of the Circles turned everyone's lives upside down, not just yours," she scoffed, "You said you moved on. Well, so did I."

Fucking excuses. She should have expected this.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I didn't think you asked a question."

"Why are you back now? Because I'm the Herald now? The Inquisitor?"

"No, I don't care shit about the Inquisitor or whatever. I wanted to be with you again."

She kept beating around the bush. Scarlett didn't want to sound threatening but her words began to come out that way,

"Nerianna, why now?"

She seemed offended and while it might have made Scarlett feel like shit if this was the Circle, it wasn't. She didn't feel bad anymore.

"Is it that strange to believe that I just wanted to see you again?" Nerianna shook her head and took a step back, "You've changed."

Scarlett rubbed her neck with both hands, staring at the wall, "Well, I'm sorry that I'm not the scared little girl you used to know."

Nerianna didn't know how to respond, it appeared, so she just stood there, unsure where to put her hands or land her gaze. Scarlett didn't budge. She started at her intently because if this was how she was going to coax a half-true response from her, then so be it.

She finally looked up at her again with an expression that resembled more sympathy than she would have expected,

"Scarlett, I'm sorry. I truly am. I moved on, but I didn't forget about us, everything we went through together. I was just hoping you wanted to see me again too."

If she'd asked her that months ago, or even at Haven, it'd be an immediate yes. Things were so different now... at least for her. She wasn't sure if Nerianna had even changed a little bit. She didn't look that different, sound different, talk different. It didn't put Scarlett at ease. Nerianna was appealing to her sympathy as she had done countless times before. It had always been her weakness.

"It's not that I didn't. I missed you so much but-"

"You got your new, shiny, commander boyfriend."

No, it was because she moved on and realized there are better people out there for her.

"He looks like a dream, a prince from the stupid kid stories. I didn't even think you liked men."

"That was only because of-"

"I know, I know."

Scarlett was at least grateful they stopped short of talking about Evrard or Davin. 

Nerianna sighed, "But I am sorry. You know that."

No. She wasn't sure she did. Nevertheless, she didn't have much of a choice but to accept the apologies. Nerianna forced her way through to the softer side of her again. It wouldn't last forever.

"Listen... I don't want to end this on a bad note. I'm happy you're here and alive, just-"

"Don't kiss you in front of your Commander?"

"Don't kiss me at all."

"Yes, Inquisitor," she said in a joking manner, though Scarlett didn't laugh.

Silence stretched for a time, a time where Nerianna was staring at her in a way that was all too familiar. She suddenly stepped much closer. Scarlett thought she might pull her in for another kiss and began to push back, but Nerianna shoved her hand down and pulled her in close for another hug. Scarlett accepted hesitantly, but only until Nerianna touched her hair again. It made her feel all warm inside but she didn't like it because it was supposed to be Cullen that made her feel that way. She firmly pushed her back at the touch before she tried to pull them together again.

Nerianna looked annoyed.

Scarlett swallowed, "I'll talk to you again some other time. I need to get back to work."

Then she left and shut the door behind her with enough force that it might send a message. She didn't know what message, but anything would have worked.

 


 

 

 

Leliana called for a war council meeting later that afternoon, and to Cullen's surprise, Scarlett was there before him. He heard them speaking outside the door and stopped to listen a moment before entering.

"But Cullen can't be angry with you. She forced you into it," said the spymaster.

"I don't know, I hope not. I haven't had a chance to talk to him since it happened."

"I still don't quite understand. How did you think she was dead?" Josephine inquired.

That's when Cullen finally walked in. He wanted to know the answer too. Scarlett looked down when she saw him, arms crossed over her chest. He continued to approach as she found her words again,

"Many templars and mages alike were killed when we rebelled. Afterward, I couldn't find her. I wrote to her countless times, asked around and I got nothing."

"Did she have a reason not to write back?" asked Josephine.

"No. We weren't necessarily... together at the time," she glanced up at Cullen for a split second, "But we just..."

Leliana filled in the blank, "Had a falling out? Taking a break?"

Scarlett sighed, "Something like that."

"We're lucky we have Orlais' support now," Josephine began, "If Nerianna had arrived before Halamshiral, the court would have had a field day with the affair."

"Affair?" Cullen blurted out accidentally.

Leliana answered, "Together or not, it'd be seen as one. The Inquisitor has a secret elven lover? Scandalous."

"Had," Scarlett corrected rather sourly.

"Not only that, people saw you two dance at the ball. The stories and rumors that would have piled afterward would've been too numerous to count. Not that they aren't already."

Scarlett perked her head up, "There's stories about us?"

"Of course," Leliana was smirking, "You weren't exactly discreet about it."

Cullen groaned, "As if I wasn't bothered enough while we were there."

He didn't want to imagine what these 'rumors' and 'stories' looked like. Orlesians were good at making things more complicated when they needed to be.

Josephine suddenly grew a smile as she stepped to the other side of the table, "That reminds me..."

She picked up a small stack of papers and placed them on her little board, "I have requests for information on your lineage from a few interested parties at the Winter Palace."

Cullen wanted to tear at those papers as soon he got the chance, but settled on rolling his eyes for now.

"Andraste preserve me! Feel free to use those requests as kindling."

Leliana peered over the board, "No, I shall take them. I want to know who pines for our Commander. We can use this to our advantage."

"I am not bait!"

"Hush. Just look pretty."

All the girls were laughing now as Leliana began to flip the pages in earnest. Scarlett went over to take a peek as well, and here he was hoping she would diminish the teasing he was being subjected to. She glanced up at him from behind Josephine with a smug grin.

Chapter 41: Sparring

Chapter Text

 

Cullen was hoping Scarlett would stop by. He felt almost incomplete after they never really got a chance to talk yesterday. Thinking about it more clearly, he knew it was only the kiss that brought out the small jealous, maybe even possessive side of him. The girls were right because he could never actually be upset with her about it. That and the elf- Nerianna - had apologized. A misunderstanding on all their parts, probably. Now he needed to apologize to Scarlett for how suspicious he'd grown. He wanted to seek her out and visit her himself, but his work had him consumed, trapping him in his tower for the entire morning.

He was at his desk replying to letters when the door on his left opened without a knock beforehand.

Cullen dropped the pen in his hand because it must've been her since she's one of the few who doesn't knock anymore, but the person that entered was shorter, hair long and silver instead of red.

The elf's eyes landed on him and she jumped back, "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize this tower was occupied."

His head dropped back down, "It's alright, you can come in."

She stepped in and shut the door behind her before glancing upwards, surveying the room. Cullen glanced up briefly from his paper to look at the elf more clearly, now that she wasn't looking at him. She was not as nearly as frail as many other elves he'd seen, and was very beautiful, but there was more. Her eyes were almost black, and they spoke no trace of meekness or debility. Much like Scarlett's violet eyes, but Nerianna's couldn't even compare.

She suddenly inhaled before looking back at him, "I did want to apologize again for... yesterday... I never meant to-"

"I know you meant no offense, apology accepted."

She sighed in relief, "Thank you. I half-expected you to yell at me as she did."

Cullen looked back up, confused, "She yelled at you?"

"Ranted, vented, went off. But understandably, I suppose.”

He just nodded, unsure of how to respond.

Nerianna opened her mouth again but was cut off, "Has she ever men-"

The door opened. This time it was Scarlett who walked in, instantly confused when she saw the elf in the room. 

“What’s going on here?” she asked, but her tone didn’t show any aggression or urgency.

“Just visiting your fine Commander is all.”

Cullen swore the elf smirked as she left the room, closing the door behind her. Scarlett walked over to where he sat at his desk. 

“What were you two talking about?”

Cullen pushed his papers aside because he couldn’t write and talk to her at the same time if he tried.

“She sort of… stumbled in here accidentally. Other than pacing around the room, she only apologized for yesterday.”

She hummed in understanding before moving to sit on the edge of his desk, very close to his hand, might he add. 

"You're not upset with me, right? About that?"

He put a hand on the thigh closest to him, "No, of course not. I'm sorry if I seemed angry before."

"I get it. This whole situation's just thrown me for a loop."

"I can imagine. But if I may," he rubbed slow circles with his thumb, careful to not move too close to the... inner parts... of her thighs, "You two have a history far beyond what we have..."

She scratched her neck, "That doesn't change anything between-"

"I know it doesn't. I just want to know more, if that's okay with you."

"I... don't know."

Scarlett went to say something, but swallowed it and stared back down at the ground. He listened to the sound of fingernails tapping against his desk as he waited, though he knew she wasn't going to speak. Her expression told him that much. Her eyes almost looked sad, brows furrowed as she bit her lip.

She took a slow, deep breath and opened her mouth again, but was cut off when the mark on her hand lit up, pulsing and shaking.

"Ow."

"Are you alright?"

She shook the hand awkwardly until he took it into his own. It felt like a strange energy was pressing against his palm, not wholly unpleasant, but strange nonetheless.

"It's just been reacting more lately. I don't know what it is."

Cullen didn't know what to do to make it feel better, if there was anything he could do, so he settled on giving her hand a massage of sorts. It didn't really do much, but she didn't pull away either.

"How long does it last for?" he asked.

"Not long. Another minute at the most?"

As if on cue, the anchor's glow began to subside, the pulsing less frequent and intense.

"I didn't help much, did I?" he said sadly.

She gripped his hand tighter, "It's okay. It doesn't hurt that bad."

He gave her palm a steady kiss before meeting her eyes again, slightly lidded as she stared down at him with a growing smile.

“I never did get to greet you before.”

Cullen laughed softly, “Here to rectify that, are you?”

He stood up then, keeping his grip on her hand.

Her eyes went to his lips, “Perhaps, or maybe I just wanted to be sure you weren't mad at me.”

He responded with a gloved hand on her hip because he could never stay mad at her for long. She just smiled giddily before taking him by the back of his head and kissing him. 

Maker, but he did miss this.

He was tempted to yank the gloves off his hands because he would’ve very much liked to feel her without them. He remembered the way her bare skin felt that time before the ball when he felt the bottom of her neck. Even with gloved hands she was soft but stronger than he expected. Cullen gripped just that much tighter on her hip, and it must've ignited something inside her. He let out a strange noise when she gently took his bottom lip between her teeth. He felt her gaze, watching him, expecting a reaction, but he kept his eyes closed as he deepened the kiss. His head felt dizzier now, his movements more sloppy, hurried, but it didn’t matter. He wanted to do the same to her now, see what biting her lip would feel like, how it would make her feel, but then there was a loud knock on the door.

Scarlett jumped back and got off the desk, “Andraste’s tits.”

A messenger came in seconds later, “Commander, a message from Seeker Pent-“

When the dwarf saw the Inquisitor, she paused, “Forgive me, ser," and quickly put the note on his desk.

She left as swiftly as she came in. 

“We need to find a more private makeout spot,” Scarlett said, giggling.

Cullen scratched his head, “As if there’s any such place in Skyhold.”

 


 

Another two days passed with Nerianna in Skyhold, and she hadn't spoken with Scarlett since the spat in the mage's tower. She couldn't help wanting to talk to her again, but perhaps she was avoiding her for fear of being criticized again or upsetting Cullen in some way. Despite her short time in Skyhold, Nerianna had made a small impression on a few of her companions. Notably, Sera, who seemed very excited that she was both 'smoking hot' and 'not elfy' whatever that meant. She assumed it meant Dalish or someone like Solas, since she hated him with a burning passion.

Despite Scarlett wanting to talk to her, she never sought Nerianna out, finding it better just to procrastinate and merely think about seeking her out. That's what she was doing now, wandering around in the main hall aimlessly in the late hours of the afternoon. She was content to do that for a little longer, but when she found herself in the little area Madame de Fer staked her claim, she immediately wanted to turn around and do some Inquisitor work instead.

Even though she was on her balcony, Vivienne spotted her before she could do that, and called to her, "Inquisitor. You might want to witness this. It's a rather entertaining sight."

Curious as to what Vivienne pictures as 'entertaining' she walked over to the opening in the window.

"It's rather surprising your elvish lover is adept in both magic and blade."

The sight was definitely odd. It was Nerianna in the small fighting pit they'd set up not too long ago. Fighting Iron Bull. Maybe even winning. Scarlett ditched Vivienne and headed down the stairs.

As she got closer, she could see the fighting easier. Lightning bolts were suddenly thrown at Bull's shield, making him stumble backward.

She always did prefer lightning magic.

A minuscule crowd had amassed, Dorian and Sera one of the few, so she strutted over to them first.

Sera was almost drooling, "I don't really like elves or magic, but your ex is... something else."

"Thank you, Sera," Scarlett sighed and stood next to Dorian. He was watching with intent also, but more at Bull.

"You might want to be careful, dear. If Cullen comes to watch, he might fall for her, too."

She immediately bursted into laughter at the notion.

Nerianna noticed, or at least she must have noticed because she turned her head towards her direction. Bull saw that as an opening to slam her back with his shield and strike, which she effectively blocked in turn with her practice sword.

Scarlett teased, "Don't get distracted on my account."

Bull lunged forward again, and she expertly dodged before whacking him on the back of the head with her staff, then again on the chest. She slid below him and knocked his feet out from underneath him, then stood up and put a foot on his stomach triumphantly.

"I wasn't."

Dorian was laughing now as Bull rubbed the back of his head.

He grunted, "Stupid, fast elf," and pushed her foot off of him.

Sera was leaning on the fence, about ready to fall over, "Wow."

"Glad you three enjoyed the show," Bull said sarcastically, standing up before practically throwing his practice axe and shield in their barrels.

Scarlett laughed, "Enjoyed watching you get knocked on your ass."

Nerianna moved and leaned on the little fence where the three were standing nearby.

"I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well last night. She had an advantage!" he exited the pit, frowning grumpily.

Dorian turned, "Excuses, excuses. You probably never get any sleep, anyway, being the oaf you are."

Bull's scowl turned to a smirk as went the opposite direction, "Not with you, I wouldn't."

He mumbled it just loud enough for them all to hear, and Dorian was now turning a deep shade of red.

Nerianna was giggling in a mix of confusion and bewilderment, "I didn't know you two were a thing? A Tevinter and a Qunari-"

"No!" Dorian stomped his foot, "Vishante kaffas, if I'm made a fool out of this- this fantasy- one more time-"

Scarlett quirked a brow, "Oh, so now it's a fantasy?"

He looked down and scratched his forehead while the girls laughed.

"If Corypheus's archdemon were to swallow me right now, I'd be fine with that."

Dorian obviously didn't want to stay only to be poked fun at again and left as fast as he could. Sera had left too at some point, probably bored since there was no more fighting.

Scarlett turned her attention to Nerianna, who had a bright sheen of sweat all over her. She also couldn't help notice she wasn't wearing much other than a small top that didn't even cover her shoulders and some tight trousers. Of course she was barefoot. She never liked to wear the shoes they were given in the Circle, preferring to walk all day with her bare feet against the cold stone and tiles. Her hair was also in a braided style she'd seen before, pulled up midway so it wasn't always getting in her face. There was an awkward pause growing now, so Scarlett broke it as soon as she found the words,

"You're fitting in quite well, it seems."

Nerianna smiled, "I'm trying. You've definitely found interesting company."

"How'd you end up fighting Bull?"

"He wondered why a mage would carry a sword as big as mine. There may have been boasting. Boasting leads to bets, and now he owes me a drink tonight."

Scarlett always knew Nerianna was as skilled with a blade as she was with her magic. She was the reason Scarlett could handle herself with a dagger if she needed to, though she never got nearly as good as her.

"You still keep up with the skills I taught you?" she asked.

Scarlett nodded, "I use them when the need arises, which is pretty often in my line of work."

Nerianna didn't say anything else, and things began to feel tense again as they stood there blankly.

Scarlett looked back towards the main hall, "I... I should get back-"

"Back to your prince?" she turned and put her staff and sword away.

"He's not a prince."

She had a wicked smile on as she left the pit, "Mhm."

Afterward, Scarlett didn't go back to her 'prince' and settled on getting some work done instead. It was another one of the few things that kept her mind off Nerianna.

Chapter 42: Pressure (Slight NSFW)

Notes:

SMUT and some angst? Beginning of major backstory overload here...

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett's dreams were once again invaded by her. Maybe it was more of a nightmare than a dream because she felt uncomfortable, a little afraid, even.

"You like the way I feel around your fingers, don't you?"

Nerianna was on top again. She always ended up being the one on top, it didn't matter whether Scarlett asked to change it up, try something different. She had her pinned to the bed, holding one of her wrists against the covers as she rocked back and forth onto her hand. She also wouldn't stop talking, whispering filthy words above her and into her ear.

"You're such a good girl, you know that?"

A bitter taste filled her throat, and Scarlett wanted to say no, so she shook her head, but obviously not enough.

"N- I-"

A firm hand covered her mouth that told her not to resist. A command without words spoken, a common ritual between them.

Scarlett searched her face, seeing if her eyes could tell her what her mouth was unable to, but Nerianna was looking off to the side as she brought herself down harder on her fingers. Nerianna never looked at her either unless Scarlett was the one receiving pleasure.

She wanted to stop. She wanted to finish this up and go to bed now because she wasn't into it anymore, nor very comfortable.

To accomplish this, she brought a thumb up to make fast circles around the sensitive nub. She moved quickly so Nerianna wouldn't have the composure or will to instruct her otherwise. It didn't take very long before she got what she wanted.

The high came down and she finally got off of her, rolling beside her on the small twin bed.

"I didn't tell you to do that," she said teasingly, breathless.

"You didn't mind."

"Mhm. You can get away with it right now, but next time I might not let you off so easy."

Nerianna played with her disheveled red locks splayed out over the pillow while Scarlett thought. Thought about how none of this was getting better like she hoped it would. How she wasn't sure she wanted Nerianna again.

She didn't want to admit it to herself yet.

She didn't want a next time.

It was less of a nightmare, more of a memory. Figments of multiple memories jumbled together into one hazy dream. When she woke up it was morning, early morning judging by the lack of noise and sun. Scarlett could've gone back to sleep for another hour, but now she didn't want to.

 


 

Cullen found himself in the mage's tower later that morning. A political dispute between a soldier, once a Templar, and a Mage that needed a firm presence to break it off. It was nothing major, no threats or violence and with a few strong words from their Commander the Templar stormed off and the conflict was resolved. In the aftermath, Cullen talked to the mage for a moment, giving him a bit of guidance and words of warning to remember that former Templar or no, everyone was part of the Inquisition.

As he spoke he noticed the elf, Nerianna, had come down the stairs to investigate. She looked at him and smiled slightly, but didn't say anything.

He dismissed the mage and watched out of the corner of his eye as Nerianna bent down near a bookshelf and shuffled through a small knapsack on the ground. She grabbed a small vial that appeared to be a lyrium potion before standing back up, grabbing her staff, and leaving. Presumably off to spar with someone, perhaps? He had heard of the fight she had with Iron Bull yesterday.

The door closed, the mages scattered and suddenly Cullen was alone on the first floor.

His eyes found a crumpled piece of paper that had slipped out of the knapsack and onto the ground.

He wasn't going to deny that he was still suspicious of this elf. He had forgiven her and understood, but he didn't let his guard down, not yet. Not until he had the full story. The full story wasn't easy to obtain, however, because Scarlett obviously didn't wish to speak of it. Cullen would have rather tried to forget she was even here, but that couldn't happen, not with them passing by each other every day.

He picked up the piece of paper, intending to just put it back in the bag. Then he saw the handwriting.

The familiar sight of Scarlett's curly, condensed script immediately made him smooth out the parchment and begin reading.

 

Nerianna,

This will be my last letter. I'm tired of wasting ink and paper because I know there will be no reply from you. You'll never even read this. I've convinced myself now that I'm writing to a corpse, but I needed to do this just one more time. I've been chosen as a delegate to this Divine Conclave at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, I assume because I'm one of the only ones here that's noble. I don't want to go, but I suppose I'll have to do my best with what charisma I have, though I honestly doubt the Chantry's presence will solve any problems for mages. I just don't want to be put in a Circle again, or we'd revert back to the same shit we started with. You'd like many of the mages I've met so far. Some of them may even be more 'radical' than you or me. I'm curious to see how we'll get along with the clerics and templars. I should stop ranting. I've done enough political talk with these mages already.

Now I'll come to the point I wanted to make in the first place, the reason I'm wasting this last bit of ink. If you think for even a moment that I'd like things to return to the way they were with you, you're dead wrong, and it's not about the Circle. The Circle was bad enough as it was, but you only made things worse for me. Not when we first met, not after Evrard, but when we got together. I think about the way we used to be and it makes me sick. Now that I've slept with new people and figured some shit out, I can't believe I let you treat me the way you did. They were just casual hookups and they were more sympathetic to me than you ever were. Perhaps it's not much, but I deserve more than what you gave me. Though I suppose it doesn't matter now. You're dead, or maybe the Maker is actually real and you're watching me write this from the heavens or something, but it still doesn't matter. I mean what I'm saying. Now that you're gone and the chains of the Circle are too, I'm finding out more about myself every day. I'm relying on myself, and I have a new sense of my own identity, who I want to be. Who I want to be is not someone who sits around in a Circle and studies all day only to never be able to leave. It's time for me to explore, try new things, and most importantly, get on with the life I should have been living long ago. That's why this is my last letter. I don't have to concern myself with you anymore, alive or dead. If I dwell on you, I'll never truly be able to get on, and I'm not going to let that happen.

Goodbye,

Scarlett

 

The parchment felt heavy in his hand as he carefully placed it back in the knapsack. It took some time for his mind to process it all. Though it was quick and to the point, each word on the page was extensive and profound. Cullen felt relieved, confused, maybe a little concerned. He'd never seen Scarlett speak this way to anyone. Sure, he'd seen her angry, and even sad before, but this was different. Her writing felt livid, disgusted, yet bold and assured. What in Maker's name did Nerianna do to warrant this letter? Context clues gave him some idea, but still, it was difficult to imagine.

He was left with more questions than answers, questions he needed to figure out how to ask her later.

 


 

While Scarlett was working on some reports at her desk, Nerianna knocked on the door to her quarters. She didn't know it was her until she made her way up the stairs of course, but the soft sound of bare feet on stone was tell-tale. It was one of the few times she'd rather it be a messenger. She could never take her mind off the situation for long.

"Hi. Did you need something?" her voice came off less positive than she tried.

Nerianna paced in the center of the room, "I- I was just..."

Scarlett noticed her staff in hand, "About to spar with someone again? Did Bull bet against you again?"

"Not him, that other city-elf, Sera? She was pretty excited when I agreed."

"She likes you."

"No shit," she scoffed, "She's a little insane though."

"Try traveling with her for weeks at a time, then you'll know crazy."

Before either of them spoke again, the anchor lit up again. This time, it hurt worse than usual, and she had to use her magic to try and get it calm down a little.

"Dammit."

Nerianna moved closer, but looked more curious than concerned, "That's your mark?"

"Yes, it-" her hand pulsed again, effectively cutting her off.

"Does it hurt that bad?"

She jerked her hand back and forth because the damn spell wasn't working, "No. It just stings. It'll stop soon."

"Ah."

Nerianna just stood there, waiting patiently.

Scarlett wished Cullen was here to rub her hand instead. Though it didn't do anything physically, the way he performed the gesture the other day almost made her forget the pain. He was too sweet, sometimes, too gentle. After another minute, the pulsing was minimal and the pain was gone.

Scarlett sighed, "Okay, that's better."

She waited for Nerianna to talk again, but when she looked up, she was just staring down the floor, hands across her chest.

Scarlett pressed, "So, what did you want? Aren't you going to go see if Sera can kick your ass?"

"I was but," she looked at the staff and back at her, "I've been wanting to talk to you."

No

She knew it was coming. She knew they needed to talk beyond 'where were you' and 'how are you not dead' yet she still didn't want to. If she had gotten the chance to confront her before, in the Circle, she wouldn't have thought twice. It's funny how so much can change in such a short time.

Nerianna twiddled her fingers, "I've meant to come to talk to you for a couple of days now, but I've been... sort of afraid."

"Afraid?"

She sighed and turned her head to the side, "I know you hate me. You don't have to hide it."

"Neri, what do you-"

"You know I said I got some of your letters?"

Scarlett nodded.

"Well, I got the last one you sent. The one right before the Conclave."

She thought for a moment. That was the one where she dedicated an entire essay to venting at her and their relationship. It seemed so long ago that Scarlett had trouble remembering exactly what she wrote, but she knew none of it was very good.

She just nodded again.

"I've kept it, and I've thought about it a lot, and I-"

Nerianna stared at the floor, biting her lip while Scarlett waited with bated breath. She always wondered what her reaction would be if she had read the letters she wrote her. Watching her read them would have almost been as good as telling her the contents aloud. Scarlett wasn't sure now if it would have been as she saw Nerianna's expression grow more solemn by the second. When she breathed again, it was unsteady.

"And I-"

Scarlett could've sworn she saw tears swelling up in her eyes, "How does Cull- your Commander, treat you?"

Her brows furrowed, "He..."

Scarlett knew why she was asking. What she needed was an answer that somehow summarized how much better Cullen was than anyone she's ever known. How he spoke to her with reverence and kindness, despite their political differences. How he touched her softly with worship and adoration. How no one had ever made her feel the way he makes her feel. Any other lover pales in comparison. Perhaps that was it, and she didn't need a summary.

"He's better than all of them."

Nerianna cocked her head in disbelief, "Even as a former Templar?"

"Even so."

"...He must be good in bed then."

"We haven't slept together."

Honestly, sex was the least important thing about their relationship right now, and Scarlett thought she'd never say that about anyone.

"You... haven't?"

Scarlett shook her head, "Doesn't change the fact. It's not about sleeping or not sleeping with. The important thing is that he cares about me. Sincerely cares about me."

"I cared for you," she whispered with breaking voice

"I know. You just had a twisted way of showing it."

Nerianna sighed, moving her hand up and down her staff. Her attempts at getting under Scarlett's skin by being sappy and mopey were fruitless. Maybe the fact had to settle in her mind some more before she stopped trying.

"There's not much I can do to apologize to you, is there?"

"Is that what you came here to do all along?" Scarlett asked, tone rising, "Appeal to my sympathy and gain my forgiveness?"

She hesitated, "I don't know anymore."

"Did you honestly have no idea how you treated me until I sent that letter?" Scarlett stood up abruptly and walked around to the front of her desk before leaning on it.

"I knew it was a little fucked up but-"

"A little?"

She threw her hands up, "I can see that now."

"Do you? Do you really?"

"I think so and if not, then I'm trying to! I'm fucking trying!"

Her tone was on the verge of screaming.

Scarlett was taken aback. She'd never seen her burst out, not even once in the Circle. Nerianna turned away from her and settled on hugging herself, staff still in hand. She stepped towards her slowly.

"...Maybe I can forgive you."

"You can?" she said as she turned again.

"But you have to do something."

Nerianna then looked up at her softly, the closest they'd been since that embrace in the mage's tower. Her eyes were darker than usual, slightly glossy, yet still as big and beautiful as they had been for years. Scarlett felt a pressure in her chest, a familiar feeling. Before it was normal, so normal it was almost comfortable. Now it only felt like a weight on her heart.

"Leave. Leave Skyhold. There's nothing you can do for me, nor I for you. I want to focus on my life now since there's a darkspawn magister I'm trying to take down."

Nerianna's face hardened eyes contracting, "So that's it?"

"What else did you expect?"

She walked backward, not taking her eyes off Scarlett until she reached the staircase. As she went down, the sound of her steps gradually released the weight in her chest, and Scarlett could breathe steadily again. The door slammed, and while sixteen, seventeen-year-old Scarlett would have sulked around the rest of the day in guilt and anxiety, twenty-six-year-old Scarlett was relieved, satisfied, even. She took a deep breath, letting the mountain-air fill her lungs before returning to work.

Notes:

I think we're more than halfway through the story! The way I have it planned it's gonna reach at least 80 chapters before it's done.

Chapter 43: Emma Lath

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Nerianna was soon to do as she was told. That night, she had packed and was prepared to leave in the late morning. Scarlett only knew this because she spotted her, Bull, and Sera by the stables from the courtyard. By the time she made her way down there, Sera had left, but Bull was still there, helping her put final touches on a horse with some bags on it. When she spotted Scarlett, her eyes immediately went to the ground.

"Bull just wanted to say farewell," she said rather tensely.

Scarlett approached the horse and pet it gently, "I didn't suspect anything different."

Bull obviously noticed and didn't want to get in the way. He patted Nerianna on the back before leaving them.

Nerianna glared at Scarlett like she was bothering her, "You wanted me gone, so I'm going."

"You don't have to be rude. Maybe I wanted to say goodbye too."

"Why?"

She sighed and brushed her hair away from her face. Why indeed. Maybe because she didn't want the last memory of her to be an argument. Because no matter what had become of them Nerianna had still been an important person in her life. Good or bad, she couldn't forget that. That was too eloquent to say, though.

"Because I'm not a shitty person," she said instead.

Nerianna stopped fidgeting with her things, "And I am?"

"No, I don't think that. I just... didn't want a fight to be the last conversation we had."

They stared at each other again. For a split second, she saw a smile on Nerianna's face.

She dragged her foot along the ground before asking, "Can I hug you again? Just this once?"

Scarlett nodded, and they collided for the last time. This time, there was no rushing, no harsh gripping of flesh or dragging of nails down backs. This felt alright.

"Ir abelas," Nerianna whispered, "Ma melava halani itha, emma lath."

She pulled away first and began walking towards the gate with her horse, but turned her head to say one more thing, "Dareth shiral."

It was one of the few elven phrases Scarlett understood. The other things she said, she didn't know the meaning of. Someone approached her moments after Nerianna had hopped on her horse. Scarlett watched her pass through the gate, not bothering to see who it was until they spoke.

"Was that her leaving just now? You're friend?"

Solas. She bobbed her head, gaze immovable until every part of the horse had left her eye-line.

"I'm too late, then," Solas sighed, "I was hoping to inquire about something."

Scarlett could only guess what that'd be. It seemed odd he'd want to bother since the only things particularly 'elfy' about Nerianna were her ears and that she could speak a decent bit of the language. She didn't bother pressing further.

She turned to face him, "Can you translate for me real quick, Solas?" she asked instead.

"Of course."

"She just said..." she paused, hoping to get the pronunciation correct, "Ir abelas... Ma melava... halani itha, emma lath?"

Solas smiled softly, "I am not aware of the context behind it, but she told you, 'I am sorry. You helped me to see, my love."

My love.

The words rang in her ears different, even if it was Solas repeating them. Her way of saying 'I love you' perhaps. They were words she had never heard before in her life, no time that she could recall, anyway. Her father might have told her once, her mother many times before she died, but never from anyone else. They would have been more impactful if Nerianna had really meant them, rather than just telling her what she wanted to hear.

"The feeling is not mutual, I assume?" Solas chimed in.

Scarlett shook her head, "Maybe once, but not anymore."

She wasn't sad that Nerianna left, or guilty. She felt a little freer than she did a few minutes ago. Not only that, but she sensed a gain in confidence, courage. She had left Cullen in the dark during all of this, brushing him aside when all he wanted to do was hear the story out. All after he had a particularly painful withdrawal spell. That was the only thing Scarlett felt bad about right now. He had told her everything, trusted her that she wouldn't judge or reprimand him for his actions nor for the man he was before. He told her everything and she had almost told him nothing. There was so much more than just Evrad, or Davin, there was Nerianna.

She began to march up to his office, not intending to give her whole life's story but to tell him that she would. Later, away from prying eyes and possible interruptions. He deserved that much.

 


 

Cullen made his way up to Scarlett's quarters, thinking about the whispers and rumors that would follow him as he closed the door behind him, shutting out the great hall. She told him that since Nerianna was gone now, she wanted to talk to him about, as she put it so gracefully, "sappy, emotional shit that I usually hate talking about"

He didn't need to pry further to understand.

After he finally got up some fifty flights of stairs, he knocked twice on the door before opening it. Cullen didn't think he needed a reply to come in, but perhaps he did because he heard the sound of something thudding on the ground above and Scarlett cursing. When he got to the top, Scarlett was on the ground, picking up small chocolates and putting them into a glass bowl.

"If this bowl had broke, Josephine would've had a fit. I've already broken one of the wine glasses she ordered from Val Royeaux."

He was going to help her pick the chocolates up, but they were already all back in the bowl by the time he reached her. She extended one to him, and he suddenly got déjà vu of that one day in Haven.

"Want a floor chocolate?" she laughed.

He smiled and took it before popping it in his mouth. They were never his favorite, but they were a nice treat every now and then.

"You must enjoy these, don't you?"

She ate another one and put the bowl on the end table by her sofa, "Of course. Although, these aren't my favorite. I like the ones filled with caramel or the truffles."

Though her words were slightly garbled with chocolate in her mouth, he kept them in mind. But for now, his mind turned to the reason he was up here.

"So, you wanted to talk?"

Scarlett slowly nodded as she swallowed, "Yes. Well, you said you wanted to know more about things."

"About you and Nerianna?"

"It's just that... I can't really talk about it without telling you more."

"The emotional, sappiness you spoke of."

"Mhm," she looked down and twiddled with her fingers. Cullen took one of her hands in his own and led her to the couch. They situated themselves there with his arm around her shoulder, grateful he decided to remove his armor. It wouldn't have been nearly as comfortable for either of them.

Scarlett took a deep breath and whispered, "I don't know why it's so difficult, sometimes."

"You know you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to-"

"But I do. I want to."

Cullen gripped one of her hands, entwining her fingers with his as she rested her head on his shoulder. He never thought about how much he loved holding her hand. The sensation alone made him feel safe and warm. The backs of her hands were loosely dotted with freckles that slowly increased further up her arm. They were smaller than his but strong. He caressed her thumb with his own as he waited patiently.

"Can... Can I just start from the beginning?"

"Whatever you want."

She paused for another moment, but not for as long as he expected, "It really starts a year after I arrived at the Circle. Nerianna and I met before though, she came a couple of months after me. We were in the same age group, so we studied a lot together and she became my first real friend."

Cullen listened with intent, with care. Words couldn't describe how much he appreciated the fact she was beginning to open up more. He nuzzled his head on hers, smelling her hair as she continued. It had a faint scent of embriums.

"It was about a year after we met, and we were good friends at that point when... when..." Scarlett squeezed his hand tighter, and her breaths came out shaky, "His name was Evrard. Evrard Rieter. An older Templar who got away with too much. He... He was the one who raped me."

She said it quickly, like ripping off a bandage. Cullen's heart sank as he thought about it.

"You said you were thirteen when you left," he said.

"Yes?"

His hand went slightly limp, "It only happened a year after..."

"I was fourteen. He would always stare at the younger girls..."

"Scarlett I... I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"It's okay," she said just as softly, "But this isn't about him. It would've been worse without Nerianna. I went around to every superior I had and none of them believed me, said I was just trying to lie my way out of having the Templar's watch me. No one would do that to a little girl, especially not him because Evrard was top of the line 'he's been with us for years' 'he's one of the kindest people I've ever known'. Kiss-asses. No one believed me except Nerianna. She listened, let me vent out, and cry, and I hate crying, but with her, it didn't feel so bad. I would have fallen apart from the trauma if she hadn't been there for me. We were close before, but after that, we were basically inseparable."

She paused for a moment to shift in his arms. The top of her forehead was now brushing his neck, warm and soft.

"We got together soon after it happened. I suppose it was because she's girl that I didn't feel put off or scared by being in a relationship. Things were good in the Circle after that, surprisingly. I passed my harrowing and Evrard ended up being transferred to another Circle after ten years of serving in Ostwick. I like to say I lost my real virginity to her when I was seventeen, even though that's not technically true. She was kind at first. But then it was like... something changed. This is probably way too much information..."

He squeezed her hand, "If you want to talk about it, it's alright."

"Even with the smutty details?"

"Not too... smutty I imagine."

She let out a small laugh, "I think I can spare you of some of them."

Cullen couldn't help but pull her hand up to give it a quick kiss before placing it back in between them.

"Things became different between us after we slept together. It was as if it changed something inside her. She was more demanding, impatient. Before she would listen to me and comfort me, but then it just... went away. It was all about her all of a sudden, didn't matter what I wanted. When we were... together, Sometimes I'd be uncomfortable. I'd tell her to stop, she wouldn't. I didn’t like it but I didn’t really know any better. She was the only one. I just thought that’s how it always was, put myself down for thinking otherwise.”

"Do you know why?" he questioned.

"Not really. I never asked. The reasons I can come up with is either some trauma she never told me about or that it was just a part of her, just the way she was. It strained us, obviously because I couldn't stay happy like that. But then even after that I... I told her that I loved her. It seemed right. We'd been together for four years, and I cared about her more than anyone else despite it all. She nodded... that was it. I'm stubborn and I wasn't going to drop it, so I kept telling her. Less because I meant it, more because I wanted her to say it back. But she never did, not even after a year of saying it. That confirmed it for me. Nerianna didn't care for me as I cared for her, so I wasn't going to waste my time trying. We had a huge fight and then we called it off. It didn't stop us from talking or being near each other, of course, but I wasn't going to sit through that shit. She pushed us to get back together sometimes, and I just couldn't. The Circles started rebelling shortly afterward, and... well, you know the rest."

Cullen didn't speak for a moment, almost expecting more, "That's it?"

"Not enough, for you?" she said jokingly.

"No, I was just wondering. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. It felt good to get some of that off my chest, I think..."

They didn't move after that, watching their still entwined hands, which were probably a little sweaty by now. He didn't want to move. The moment felt right and he dreaded the fact that he needed to leave. Everything Scarlett told him was still running through his head, but he was happier that she trusted him so rather than feeling sad about what happened to her. Not that he wasn't upset, his heart felt as if it'd been wrenched from his chest when she started speaking of that scum, Evrard, and the way that Nerianna treated her. He understood her conflict now, the frustration. The way she acted around Nerianna made sense after having read that letter and hearing the story. It hurt him to think that while the elf cared for her, she hurt her anyway. He couldn't imagine hurting her, not ever.

Cullen suddenly wanted to tell her he loved her.

Maybe he truly did love her. He wasn't quite sure, but nevertheless, the words lingered on his tongue. Cullen hadn't really thought about it until now when she completely opened herself to him. It wasn't the right time to say it, though. It was too soon, and perhaps she'd take it the wrong way, or thought he was just saying because of what she'd told him. He needed time to think about it, anyway. For now, he was thinking about what to say to her right at this moment. There was nothing that could easily sum up the emotions that were swirling through him. He couldn't tell her he cared for her; she already knew that. He couldn't tell her he loved her...

"You didn't deserve the way they treated you."

He may have settled on saying something rather weak, but it made the statement no less true. Scarlett was a sparkling ray of light in his otherwise dark world of twisted nightmares and a horrible past. In no way did she deserve the abuse she received at the Circle. Cullen recalled what she said in the letter.

Perhaps it's not much, but I deserve more than what you gave me.

She deserved everything he could possibly give her, and he'd do everything in his power to make it better than what she had before. Her head shifted again, but this time her forehead brushed against his cheek.

Scarlett was looking at him, "What do you think I deserve?"

He turned his head, seeing her face for the first time since she started talking, eyes lidded and mouth slightly open.

Cullen didn't respond, he simply connected their lips. She reached for the back of his head and pulled him forward until they were lying horizontally on the couch. The hand that was around her shoulder found it's way around her lower back while her hands ran through his hair and down his arm. Her lips and tongue had a faint taste of chocolate, moving with his clumsily, with abandon. He didn't realize it at first, but the flimsy fabric of her loose shirt must've been pushed up because now he was feeling an unclothed waist. Of course, she didn't mind at all, and apparent when she nibbled at his lower lip again. This time, he opened his eyes and found hers staring back into his with a certain smugness to them. The sight clouded his mind, and he gave her another searing kiss before his mouth moved to her neck. The taste of her skin was heavenly enough, but the contented sigh she let out might have been even better. It spurred him on, and his lips moved lower and lower until they were on her collarbone, her shirt pushed off her shoulder to give him full access. He wasn't thinking anymore as his senses were completely enveloped by her, lost in everything he was feeling, hearing, tasting, the way her nails scratched at his scalp and squeezed his bicep. His hands moved slowly up her body, savoring the way her bare stomach felt against his fingers, but then he felt something else. Cullen suddenly jerked back and lifted his head up. Her eyes were dark and wanting, but she was also confused. He'd barely touched the underside of her breasts when he realized she wasn't wearing a bra.

Cullen stared at her blankly, his mouth open but no words could seem to come out.

Scarlett just looked at him for a few moments before smiling, "It's okay."

She pulled his head back down and kissed him softer. He knew what she meant. Like the second time they ever kissed and Cullen had pushed her away, she sensed his unease, hesitation, but didn't disregard it. Nerves dwindling, his touch moved back upwards to the back of her neck, feeling her hair. Cullen didn't know exactly how long they stayed like that, but it must've been a while because when they finally pulled apart, the moon was much higher in the sky, the stars more abundant. So much of him wanted to stay with her tonight, continue to speak adorations with his lips and hands because his words simply couldn't do it justice. Show her how much she truly deserved, show her that she was deserving of love and worship not because she was Andraste's Herald, but because she was the most amazing person he'd ever known. But he couldn't, and he withdrew after placing a few more gentle kisses on her lips.

Cullen returned to his own quarters that night, but the taste of her neck and feel of her skin lingered on until he fell asleep.

Notes:

Last new chapter for a little while because I'm gonna start updating/rewriting older chapters. I only plan to do 1-11 and I'll mark that they're updated when I change them. I do plan to add a maybe one or two more chapters in between 11 and 12 while the Inquisition is on their way to Skyhold because I planned to do it before but just scrapped the idea for some reason. I'd highly recommend going back and reading the ones I update, but if you've been here a while, you don't have to. I'm really doing it for the new people who might read the first chapter and think it's shit because it is written pretty shittily. As always, thank you guys so much for reading! ❤️

Chapter 44: A Date

Chapter Text

 

When Scarlett opened the door to Cullen's office, he was standing at one of his bookshelves before his head whipped around.

"There you are,' he was obviously excited about something.

She approached him with a curious look, "Were you waiting for me?"

"Yes- I mean, no."

She blinked, "So I've kept and not kept you waiting?"

He groaned rather adorably, "Let me start over."

"By all means," she sat at her usual spot on his desk, him standing in front of her. Sitting on the desk felt far more comfortable than standing or sitting in his chair, for some reason. Besides, the way he looked at her each time she did it had grown increasingly...seductive. Not that she minded one bit.

He gathered himself and began, "We have some dealings in Ferelden. I was hoping you might accompany me. When you can spare the time, of course."

"Is something wrong?"

His eyes grew wide, confused, "What? No! I would rather explain there, if you wish to go."

"Well, I believe there's time now."

"I will make the necessary arrangements," Cullen sighed in what seemed like relief before moving to sit back at his desk.

Scarlett moved accordingly and stopped him before he could grab some paper or pen, "Can you tell me what kind of dealings we have? Where in Ferelden are we going, exactly?"

"The business is my responsibility," he held her thigh with the closest hand, "I was intending for you to take a break, perhaps."

His thumb drew slow circles as his grip tightened ever so slightly. Cullen must have a thing for thighs...

"As to where... I'd rather that be a surprise."

"I didn't know you liked surprises."

He smiled, "Sometimes."

Scarlett put her palm over his gloved hand. She wished those damned gloves didn't even exist.

"So is this more of a date than something business-related?"

"A... a date?"

She laughed, "Yes. A date. Where a couple goes somewhere, spends an evening together, maybe grabs dinner-"

He rolled his eyes, "I know what a date is."

"So answer my question. Is this a date of sorts?"

Cullen opened his mouth but closed it just as quickly before staring off to the side.

He thought for a long moment, "I... suppose it is."

Something in his tone felt unsure. She was confused until she realized he's probably never asked someone on a date anymore, or at least not in a long time. Though, when she thought about it, Scarlett had never really either. Unless you count going straight to the bedroom. Venturing into the wilds of Thedas with her party didn't count either. It'd be nice to go somewhere with just Cullen and Cullen alone, even if she didn't know where they were going.

She cupped a cheek in her hand and turned his face back towards her, "Well then I'm looking forward to it."

She gave him a long, tender kiss on the cheek before leaving him to his work.

 

They arrived in Ferelden in the late afternoon, and Cullen didn't spend a lot of time working, much to Scarlett's enjoyment. The rode along a dim, foggy path making basic small talk until Cullen stopped his horse in sort of a strange area. She finally understood his intent when they approached a little dock leading out to lake.

"Where are we?"

They stepped onto the edge, where a box stood with a lantern on top. Everything was just so still, relaxed, the soft sound of the water and the creaking of the wood the only things to be heard.

"You walk into danger every day. I wanted to take you away from that. If only for a moment," he leaned against one of the posts, "I grew up not far from here. This place was always quiet."

Quiet indeed. As he stared out into the water his expression softened, shoulders relaxed. It was the calmest she'd seen him in a while.

"Did you come here often?"

"I loved my siblings, but they were very loud. I would come here to clear my head."

That sounded like him. If only there was a place like this in Skyhold. Her heart warmed at the fact he grew up close by, that he took her to a place that was obviously important to him.

"You were happy here."

He smiled, "I was. I still am."

The lake wasn't nearly as nice as how Cullen looked right now. Not just because he was hot as always, but something was different. He was calm, maybe more than calm. A happy calm, calm like he'd just returned home for the first time in a long time. Though, that was the case, wasn't it? There was no Commander here, no soldiers, reports, or duty to be found here. Scarlett loved seeing him this, a new part of him she hadn't yet discovered.

"I wonder, how will you survive without a parade of messengers and war reports?"

"I should be able to last the day. Besides, I told Leliana to send word if-"

He tensed slightly and she rolled her eyes because for Andraste's sake he wasn't supposed to fucking worry about work right now, "Cullen. You. Me. Alone. Pretty Lake."

He blinked, "Right, of course."

She walked closer towards him, tempted to lock his fingers with hers, but fought against it, content to watch him gaze into the distance. Right now, Cullen was much prettier than the lake she was supposed to be looking at.

When he turned his head she jerked her own away, hoping he hadn't caught her staring at him, "I hoped this might clear your head as well."

"Oh?"

"After you talked the other day, I thought I might have pressured you too far..."

Scarlett would've preferred not to mention that again, but that was the price she paid for telling him all that shit. He'd pestered her with it once already, but dropped it, presumably because he saw she was uncomfortable. She thought after the talk it'd be easier to open up more, but it felt like little had changed. Every time she remembered something she had said or he had said she cringed. She didn't know what was wrong with her, why she couldn't just stay consistent with her emotions for one damn day. Still, he didn't pressure her to talk more, so that helped.

"You didn't. You told me everything that happened at the Circle. It only seemed fair I do the same."

"I didn't tell you everything."

She paused, "No?"

Cullen was staring down now, "At least not with all the gruesome details."

"Well, you didn't need to do that."

"I should. Eventually, I mean."

Scarlett didn't comment and just looked back at the lake. She didn't really want to stare at him anymore for fear he would actually catch her this time. They stood there in silence for a while, and she could hear Cullen sigh. He probably had that relaxed look again and she just wanted to glance over to see it one more time, but then he moved. A hand reached into his pocket, fingers gripping something she didn't quite see.

Cullen moved off of the post, "The last time I was here was the day I left for Templar training. My brother gave me this," his hand opened, revealing a small silver coin, "It just happened to be in his pocket, but he said it was for luck. Templars are not supposed to carry such things. Our faith should see us through."

"So you broke the Order's rules? I'm shocked."

"Until a year ago I was very good at following them, most of the time."

He played with the bit of silver in his palm. If he's carried it all this time it must have meant a lot to him too.

"This was the only thing from Ferelden the Templar's didn't give me."

His face contorted with something she couldn't describe, eyes slowly moving from his palm to her face. Then he smiled again.

"Humor me," Scarlett was confused when he suddenly took her hand and placed the coin in her palm, "You don't know what you'll face before the end. This can't hurt."

She was dumbfounded, stumbling on words because he must not know what he's doing.

"A-Are you sure? Cullen if this is-"

"I am. Maker knows I wish I could protect you in the field."

He gripped her hand tighter, the coin cold and hard on her fingers.

"You should see me fight sometime. I think I can handle myself pretty well," she couldn't help but slip in some sureness in her tone.

Cullen raised a brow, "And I don't doubt it, but if this is the least I can do..."

His eyes never moved from hers as Scarlett pondered. She thought he was being stupid, giving her something like this, even if it's just a coin. Scarlett didn't have any prized possessions, no tokens or gifts from friends or lovers, or even family. Nerianna never gave her anything special, she'd be surprised if she had. There wasn't a way she could even comprehend the feeling. Still, he was being an idiot giving her something like this when she ventures into every ass-crack in Thedas. But if this was what he wanted...

She finally drew her hand away, but kept the coin tight in her grasp, "I'll keep it safe."

Before she could put the silver in her pocket, his hand found her waist and pulled her to him. Gently and measured, as he was with every move. His gaze went to her lips.

"Good. I know it's foolish but... I'm glad."

She put her free hand on his cheek as he drew her in, and his lips tasted sweeter than usual.

Chapter 45: Something More (slight NSFW)

Notes:

**BEFORE YOU READ** if you haven't read the rewritten chapter 5 you should in order to understand something in this chapter, but it's nothing major or anything it just might make more sense.

Chapter Text

 

Cullen had planned for them to return to Skyhold later that evening, but it seemed Scarlett had other ideas. They were tired after traveling, and she kept asking him if they could stop and stay at an inn for the night. It didn't take very long for him to give in. Anything to make this day last a little bit longer. When all this was over and they had time to spare, they'd go on 'dates' more often.

He felt fine on the path to the nearest inn as they talked, riding side by side as the sun slowly went down. The inn itself wasn't very busy and nicer than he expected, though he never stayed in an inn growing up. They grabbed a quick bite to eat, a drink, and talked some more. It was good. Things felt right, normal.

Then Scarlett rented a room.

One room.

Single bed.

He was about to argue until she began going up the stairs, a thousand different thoughts racing through his brain that he shouldn't even have been concerned with. They turned the corner into a dimly lit hall and it was there he gently put a hand on her shoulder,

"Why didn't you rent two rooms? They're not full."

Her brows furrowed, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I thought..." he didn't know what he thought.

Scarlett stared at him for a moment and Cullen feared he'd have to explain, but she eventually got the point and sighed, "We don't have to do anything. We'll just go to sleep."

She grabbed his hands and squeezed them, giving him that look that told him she was serious.

"I don't snore. You don't have much to worry about," she smiled before turning and approaching the door to their room.

Cullen still didn't know why he was jumpy around that topic. He wasn't afraid of her or the act in general. That nightmare he had of her was only that. A nightmare. It must've been that part of him he left in Kinloch. The one the desire demon ripped out of him before he even knew he had it. Shortly after it had just happened, any mention of anything sexual gave him flashbacks, glimpses of memories he was desperately trying to forget. Things were different now. He hadn't had a flashback like that since before the Inquisition, even with the withdrawal. He'd barely even though about it. His dreams weren't often filled by the desire demon either. It was mostly just the other demons taunting him as his friends were ripped apart. Still, there would probably always be something there that made him feel on edge, and he hated that. Scarlett was sparkling compared to any demon, and even the person it tempted him with...

Cullen felt less uneasy as she turned the key. He made sure the door was closed and locked behind him.

But then he didn't know what to do with himself, watching her as she stretched her arms over her head. She paused and glanced around a second before groaning.

"Fucking great. I don't have any nightwear," she went to the dresser by the bed and searched through the drawers. He didn't have anything either, and he had to suppress those troubling thoughts that tried to resurface. Instead, he focused on taking off his armor since he wouldn't wear it to sleep anyway, no matter how much he might have wanted to sometimes. When he'd wake up with nightmares, he felt vulnerable and unprotected without it. If only they made armor that was comfortable to sleep in.

Scarlett then pulled out a big brown tunic out of the bottom drawer, way too big to fit on her, or even him for that matter. She held it up at her chest and laughed.

"Maybe you can wear this and I'll wear your shirt," she lifted it and sniffed the underarm area, "Smell's clean."

Before Cullen could say anything she tossed him the tunic as he was removing his breastplate, barely catching it. He forced himself to look away when she began to undo the buttons on her shirt. By the time the armor and the coat were gone, her shirt was too and he couldn't help but glance over at her.

She placed it on the dresser and moved towards him, "Here, give me your shirt. Unless you want me topless."

The idea didn't sound so bad when she said it in that tone. Still, he did as she asked. His chest was bare as she quickly yanked the shirt over her head. Where he expected to feel uncertainty, vulnerability, he found none. Cullen didn't quite know what he was feeling. It hadn't been anything he'd felt before. As he grabbed the large brown shirt she'd thrown at him, Scarlett stared at him, eyes moving slowly downward.

She smirked and turned back around, "Not bad."

He didn't quite know what she meant, only that she must've liked what she saw. That was enough for him.

"Can I take these off?" she asked, the sound of her belt buckle filling his ears, "Honestly, your shirt covers my ass anyway."

Though she looked at him expectantly, the trousers continued to come off. Cullen just nodded. When his boots were finally gone and he was in nothing but the big shirt and his pants, he crawled into bed, where Scarlett had already found her way under the covers.

He was about to say something, realizing he hadn't spoken since they entered the room, but grew confused when her hands reached around her back. Then they went up underneath the front of his shirt and Cullen thought there was something wrong, but understood when a bra suddenly appeared only to be thrown lazily on the dresser.

"Much better."

Not long later the lights were off and Scarlett had her head atop Cullen's chest, fingers twirling the little ties on the tunic. He could smell her hair, the faint scent of embriums, feel her bare skin the way his arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer. Her breasts were pressing against him through his shirt as well as bare leg against his own. The skin to skin contact felt more comforting than he would've initially anticipated. It was complete and utter bliss.

"How did we ever end up here?" she asked rhetorically.

Cullen smiled. Sometimes, he'd ask the same.

"The stalwart prince of a Commander with someone like me..."

He didn't know what she meant by someone like her.
He wasn't perfect by any means.

Scarlett lifted her head up, propping herself up on an elbow, "I wonder, the day you kissed me on the battlements: how long had you wanted to do that?"

He chuckled as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, faintly making out her face in front of him, "Longer than I should admit."

"Mhm. How long?" she bit her lip when she said that and Maker's breath was it beautiful.

Then he realized what she was asking, "No, really?"

"How long?"

"Maker, do you actually want to know that?"

She lightly hit him on the chest,"Yes!"

Cullen sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He didn't have to think about it for very long,

"Do you remember the day you visited me in my tent back at Haven. You had that bowl of chocolates..."

She looked at him blankly, "You're joking."

He laughed. Maybe it was rather foolish he'd had a feeling about her not even a couple months after they met. It was probably even before that, Cullen wasn't quite sure.

He turned his head back to the lovely sight lying next to him, "What about you?"

She took a breath, "Let me think about it..."

Scarlett bit her cheek as she sifted through the memories. He was curious if she'd thought about him for as long as he had.

"Oh, I know. You know when I scared you after I caught you staring at me, and that report flew out of your hands."

Cullen immediately remembered.

"Maker's breath."

Now it was her turn to laugh uncontrollably, forehead falling onto his chest.

He sighed and caressed the back of her head, "Did it have to be that moment?"

"Well I couldn't help that you were absolutely adorable."

She drew him in for a long, slow kiss that he wanted to last for ages. Adorable was not the word he would use to describe himself, but it seemed to be her favorite. It didn't matter what she called him because all coherent thought left him when she started kissing him like that. Harder and more urgent, kisses he usually didn't prefer to softer ones, but they certainly felt good right now.

They moved slightly, and in one motion she was suddenly above him, pressing her lips tighter against his. Legs still wrapped around his, she lifted herself until she was sort of half-straddling him. His hands went to her lower back, and he could feel her skin again, slightly colder than his own, but soft. Without really thinking about it, he shifted the leg she was straddling, and his thigh hit an area he barely recognized. She moaned. It was quick, hardly even anything, and her mouth crashed back down on his moments later, but the sound went straight to his cock. Cullen wasn't sure if she even realized what she was doing as her lips moved down, grazing his ear before latching onto his neck.

His breaths were coming out unsteadily, his head foggy and it didn't take long until he was hard considering she was fully on top of him now, lightly grinding against his leg. Hands went up his shirt and grazed his stomach littered with scratches and scars, and Cullen couldn't help but notice her tracing one with her thumb. While his hands went ever upwards, her mouth went lower, and at the bottom of his neck she licked gently.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to stop. His body was telling him no, but his mind said otherwise, that maybe they should wait a little longer to do this...

"Scarlett."

She stopped and looked up, as if she'd just fallen out of a trance. Her freckles were darker all over as a massive blush had spread from her cheeks and down to her chest. She groaned before plopping back down next to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright."

It was his turn to prop himself up to see her better. Her face had guilt all over it.

"I-It wasn't... bad." Cullen tried to console her.

Though she chuckled and her face lightened up, her features were sad, "But you're still unsure."

It wasn't a question. She stated it because she knew better. Cullen just sighed.

All he wanted to do was get over himself. No matter how hard he tried otherwise, he always managed to ruin moments like these.

He laid back down, "I'm not very good at this am I?"

"What do you mean?"

"This. Us."

There was a pause where Scarlett's breath hitched more than once. When she positioned herself above him she looked more confused than he'd ever seen.

"What are you talking about?"

Cullen didn't think he'd have to spell it out for her. It was obvious she didn't care when or where it happened between them and he felt horrible he couldn't quite feel the same. He wanted to think there was just something wrong with him.

He gazed off to the side, "I can't make up my mind about it for one thing-"

"Stop."

She put a hand on his cheek and nearly yanked his face back to look at her.

"Don't ever think like that. I'm not going to pressure you into anything."

"But if you want-"

"It doesn't matter what I want. If you want to wait, then we'll wait."

"I should at least give you a reason."

She didn't reply as her gaze slowly moved to his hair. When it stopped there she stared for a bit and then Cullen felt a hand in it. His heart warmed when she smiled uncontrollably, "You're hair is so curly."

Maker no

Not now.

Of course the gel would have worn off by now.

Cullen swatted her hand away gently, "Don't you start. Varric's already given me that horrendous nickname."

"And I see the reason for it now," she was laughing now.

"Maker's breath."

Her head fell into the crook of his neck as she played with the curls nearest his forehead. It was these moments that made him wonder how in the world he could feel uneasy around this shining ray of light of a woman. This woman whom he adored above all else. Who he may even loved, he still didn't know.

"If... If I seem unsure, it's because it's been a long time since I've wanted anyone in my life," Scarlett lifted her head again, fingers moving lower until they reached the scar on his lip, tracing it tenderly, "I wasn't expecting to find that here. Or you."

Her eyes were darker than her usual violet, but softer this time.

She kissed him again, this time on the poorly stitched scar, the most tender kiss she might have ever given him.

Cullen moved his head to kiss her more fully this time. Before anything else could happen, she pulled back.

"You want to sleep?"

He smirked, "You were the one who was tired, weren't you?"

"Well, I am."

She curled into him once more, and Cullen brought the covers up further. They'd been pushed back due their... activities.

"Goodnight."

That didn't take long. She must've forgotten she was ready to sleep after they started talking. He put his hand over the freckled one that lay across his chest, caressing it softly. As he stared at the wooden ceiling with this amazing woman in his arms, he decided he'd do two things. First, he wouldn't bumble and stutter his way around every mildly sexual situation they found themselves in. He didn't need to, he trusted her more than he trusted himself. Maybe even more than Cassandra. The second one might be more difficult to commit to, but he'd try- no...

Cullen would be more confident.

Later though, after this day had long passed.

For now, he placed a small peck on her forehead, "Goodnight."

The next morning, Cullen was pleasantly surprised, not just by the unusual sight of Scarlett lying next to him, red waves splayed out like wildfire and sleep still written across her face.

It was the first night in weeks he didn't have a nightmare.

Chapter 46: Gifts

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett had a dilemma. It was a dilemma she made up almost entirely on her own, but once she started thinking about it, she couldn't stop. She hoped Dorian could help because she knew next to nothing about what she wanted to do.

"Cullen gave me this," she extended the coin to him, the precious piece of metal he'd given to her so certainly. She still couldn't wrap her head around why he did that.

"He's had it since he was a child, his brother gave it to him. Basically, his only prized possession."

Dorian sat up in his fancy chair to pick it up briefly, "How precious of our Commander."

"Yes, it's very adorable and entirely too sweet but..."

"You don't want it?"

She put the coin back in her pocket, "No, I just... I feel like I should give him something in return."

He shrugged, "Give him something of yours, then."

"That's the problem," she sighed and slumped back into the bookshelf, "I don't have any tokens. I didn't bring anything to or from the Circle. This is the first time I've gotten a gift like this, ever."

"Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it much. You shouldn't feel obligated to shower him with gifts just because he gave you one."

"But-"

"Hush. If it's that important, by all means, we can take a trip to Val Royeaux before we storm Adamant fortress."

She scoffed, "Well that's not what I meant."

"I know, so worry about it later. I'm sure you're presence alone is enough of a gift for him."

He was probably right, but it didn't really ease her mind. Scarlett was stubborn. She'd figure out something before they went to Adamant, something that told him he meant as much to her as the coin told how much she did to him. Her presence wouldn't express that very well. That wasn't quite the present she had in mind.

"...That sounds like something he would say."

Dorian smiled, "Exactly."

"Ugh."

 

She asked Varric after Dorian, partly because he was on the way and partly because he had written romance novels for Andraste's sake, but he gave just as little advice. He said to give him some reports, or updates about patrols and guard rotations. The sarcasm was rather amusing.

Then she went to Cassandra. Scarlett thought she'd groan and force her to change the subject, but to her surprise, she was engaged. More than engaged, eager, excited. The Seeker gushed over the coin and Scarlett almost wanted to ask if she was feeling bad today.

"There must be something of yours you could give. Something from the Circle?"

"I don't really have any possessions like this. That's why I've been asking. Dorian and Varric were no help."

Cassandra thought for a long time and Scarlett had some hope. Maybe out of all people the Seeker would have a good idea.

"How has the withdrawal been?" she finally asked.

"Good, I think. He's been better since Halamshiral."

Though he'd rarely admit it, the head massages she'd been given him had helped. Cullen did tell her the headaches were getting better, too.

"Is there a tonic, or medicine he hasn't tried?"

"I... don't know."

"I'm unsure of what gifts our Commander enjoys, but perhaps a new remedy for him might send the message."

That was something. Better than what the other two had suggested.

Cassandra seemed confident in what she proposed, so Scarlett took the advice and headed for the alchemist. The Seeker was always good at giving advice, anyway, even if they didn't always agree on everything. Luckily, Scarlett knew a thing or two on remedies and reagents, so she carefully picked out ones she thought might work for him, or that she knew he hadn't bothered to try.

She didn't know much about lyrium withdrawal until he told her about his. After Halamshiral, she did a lot more research because it pained her that she barely knew enough to help him. The ice spell before was an on the spot innovation, even though she knew it'd probably work.

After a few moments of sifting through cabinets, Scarlett decided on three vials of remedies she was sure would make for decent gifts. She only hoped he received it as she intended.

 


 

Cullen grinned when he saw who entered his tower. Scarlett seemed in a good mood, one hand behind her back as the other shut the door behind her.

"Hello."

She approached where he was sitting as his desk, "Good afternoon," and gave him a quick kiss on the lips before perching herself on her usual spot.

"Just came here to distract me, did you?" he teased.

"Well, actually... there was..."

She scratched the back of her head as she trailed off. The hand that stayed behind her back moved downwards, placing something in her pocket he couldn't see.

"Did Leliana or Josephine need me for something?"

"No, nothing like that. I..."

Cullen looked at her expectantly but suddenly knew there was something wrong when her expression went solemn. He waited patiently, her mouth opening then closing multiple times until she finally shook her head.

She moved to try and stand up, "N-Nevermind. It's stupid."

He put a hand on her thigh and pressed down so she stayed where she was. The glare she gave him in response spoke annoyance but Cullen didn't care as he stood up and in front of her. Now, he needed to know what it was.

"Cullen, let me go, I'm leaving."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong."

"Then why can't you tell me?"

Scarlett sighed and rolled her eyes, "Because it's embarrassing. I'm embarrassing."

He eased the pressure on her leg, surprised when she didn't escape right then, "I might understand what you mean by that if you talk to me."

Her eyes went everywhere but on him, nails tapping against the edge of the desk. She finally reached towards her back pocket, "I have a present for you."

She took out something small and held it in her palm in her lap, fist enclosed. He saw what looked like glass through the spaces in between her fingers.

"You gave me your coin, so I wanted to give you something."

He stared down at her hand, "You didn't have to give me anything of yours."

Cullen didn't give her the coin at the lake simply because he expected something in return. He felt bad he made her feel obligated to do so.

"I didn't. I..."

She opened her palm, revealing two little vials filled with some liquid.

"I wanted to give you these. I don't know if you've already tried them, but they might help. For the withdrawal, I mean."

He was confused, "Tonics?"

"No one's ever really given me anything... sentimental, so I don't have something like what you gave me. I went to Dorian and Varric for help, but they were useless. Then I talked to Cassandra and she suggested medicines, and it sounded like a good idea at first but it's really not. It's dumb, so I was going to flee, but you made me stay and tell you so now I'm embarrassed and I feel stupid because-"

Cullen shut her up by kissing her, cradling the back of her head with a gloved hand. The surprised gasp she let out at the contact was muffled when his tongue entered the mix. Scarlett wasn't being stupid, she could never be stupid for something like this. It warmed his heart at her intention, that him doing something so simple as giving her a gift made her feel this way. The coin must have meant a lot to her, as it did to him...

This showed how much she truly cared since she wouldn't often show him in many other ways. Cullen appreciated gestures and moments like these above all else. He hoped the kiss told her that. 

When they pulled apart, he rested his forehead against hers. Listening to her soft breaths, feeling the loose red hair against his hand gave him comfort, a sense of calmness he hadn't experienced until he met her.

"You being with me is a gift on its own."

She chuckled, "Dorian said you'd say something like that."

"Dorian is clever, I'll give him that much," he quirked before pulling her back in to kiss her again.

Notes:

This is partially inspired by the part in Sera's romance when quizzy asks everyone for gift ideas. If that's not one of the most adorable romance things in the game idk what is.

Chapter 47: Demons of Desire

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

"I told you I didn't tell you everything."

"But that doesn't mean you have to!"

"You deserve a better explanation for why I pushed you away."

Scarlett stared at him with a slightly open mouth before sighing. They knew it was fruitless to argue anyway because they both were entirely too stubborn. She crossed her arms and leaned back on the battlements.

"...Okay."

Cullen stood in front of her, breathing deep, staring at the ground. He'd asked to talk to her, that he needed to clear things up because it was going to eat away at him otherwise. He did it more for her sake, but it may as well be a relief for him too.

He didn't tell her how it started, instead skipping to the middle because reminiscing of the memories in chronological order was more difficult. He didn't tell her what happened to his friends, their screams piercing his ears as blood splattered across the room. Cullen only spoke of the desire demon. Perhaps he was lucky it wasn't rage, hunger, or terror that hurt him. Maybe it was the reason he survived the Circle. He told her that. Though his eyes were still at the floor, he could feel hers on him, probably with that same look of understanding she always gave him.

The only detail he took out from what the demon did to him was the person it tempted him with. He said it was simply a mage he was infatuated with at the time. A foolish crush, but nothing more. Cullen didn't want Scarlett to compare herself to the Hero of Ferelden and he knew that's what she'd do if he revealed more.

It felt good to get more of it off of his chest. When he finally looked back up he saw the expression he expected.

"The memories are fading, I think. My nightmares are more about Kirkwall and other things from the Circle."

"That's good."

They stood in silence for a short time.

"Do the memories come back... when we're together? Like the other day?"

"N-No! I've never thought- I simply..." Cullen didn't quite know how to put it. It's more as if the experience changed him, made him more uneasy. He didn't think she'd quite understand if he explained it that way.

"It's not that I compare you to any demon it's-"

"I know, I get it."

Whatever he was about to say next caught in his chest, "...You do?"

"After what happened to me you think I just wanted to jump into it?" she cracked a tiny smile, only for it to go away, "I could barely think about sex for years. Honestly, I'm surprised Nerianna coaxed me into it so soon."

Of course. Why didn't he remember that?

"You said it was different."

She nodded, "I didn't even think I was interested in men for a while, at least until we split."

"Well, I'm certainly grateful you do."

Scarlett laughed, a small, but genuine laugh that never failed to touch Cullen's heart. Then there was another pause in which her brows suddenly furrowed, her eyes concerned.

"You don't care about that, right?" she asked.

"About what?"

She glanced off to the side and back at him, "That I've been with women. I mean, I assume you would have said something before, but I know some Fereldens can be..."

He blinked, "It doesn't matter to me. Did you- did you worry that I would?"

She shook her head and peering out over the battlements, "...No. I suppose it's just good to ask, sometimes."

Her eyes were calm again, and she breathed, leaning further on the cold stone. Cullen watched the way the breeze gently lifted her hair from her shoulders, like a dark fire. Scarlett sensed he was staring and looked back at him.

"See something you like?" she grinned.

Cullen smiled uncontrollably in return, "Only everything."

She reached out to put a hand on his arm, pulling her towards him. Though he knew she was bringing him in for a kiss, his lips moved elsewhere. She seemed confused when he dodged her mouth, only to let out an understanding noise when he pressed his to her forehead. A kiss he didn't give her as often as he should've. Her forehead had an extra abundance of freckles, though not nearly as many as her nose. He place a tender kiss there, too.

"Thank you for letting me talk," he whispered against her cheek before his lips moved there. At this point, he could care less if people saw them on the battlements, which many probably could right now. If no one teased him for it later, though, it'd be perfectly fine.

"You're too sweet, you know that?"

He chuckled, "Mhm."

 


 

Scarlett was walking back to her quarters, with what was probably the stupidest grin on her face. Still she could feel where his lips had pressed against her nose, a place she wasn't sure she'd ever been kissed. She felt like a kid the way she wanted to skip through the main hall. Literally skip. The feeling wasn't so strange now as it had been before.

She was brought out of her reverie by a familiar voice.

"My Lady, may I have a word?" said Mother Giselle, sneaking up from behind her.

Scarlett turned around and nodded.

"I have news regarding one of your companions, the Tevinter," she heavily hinted. Not this again.

Scarlett scoffed, "Is that a note of distaste I detect, Mother Giselle?"

The Mother stopped and sighed, "I... admit his presence here makes me uncomfortable, Inquisitor, but my feelings are of no importance."

The thing Scarlett liked about Mother Giselle is that she was always honest. They disagreed on some things when they first met, mainly because Scarlett didn't believe in the Maker, nor entirely trusted Chantry sisters and Mothers, but it didn't take long before they respected each other. Though, it was rather annoying when she'd stare at Dorian like he was some sort of foreign creature.

"I have been in contact with his family," Mother Giselle continued, "House Pavus out of Qarinus. Are you familiar with them?"

"Familiar? We've never met, if that's what you're suggesting."

"I'm suggesting nothing. I'm only curious whether you know of his... situation."

Scarlett was confused on multiple levels. This should be interesting...

"The family sent a letter describing the estrangement from their son, and pleading for my aid. They've asked to arrange a meeting quietly without telling him. They fear it's the only way he'll come."

If she was going to ask what Scarlett thought she would ask, there'd be no way in hell that'd happen. Dorian never really mentioned his family, but if the roles were switched, she'd wind up fucking dead before her family, aunts and uncles particularly,  called for a meeting with her. The worst would be her father, as if he'd even want a meeting.

Mother Giselle stepped closer, a pleading look on her face, "Since you seem to be on good terms with the young man, I'd hoped..."

"If you think I'm going to trick Dorian into meeting his family-"

She sighed, "I feared you might say that,"

No shit.

"The family will send a retainer to meet the young man at the Redcliffe tavern, to take him onward. If he truly does not wish this reunion, he can always end the matter there. I pray you change your mind, Inquisitor. Perhaps their letter will persuade you. If there was any chance of success in this, it behooves us to act."

Scarlett read the letter as Mother Giselle left. She didn't feel bad about it considering they didn't even send it to Dorian, rather a Chantry Mother. It didn't sound very concerned except for one sentence:

The thought of Dorian in the south, placing himself in the path of such danger, alarms us more than I can express.

Doesn't sound like anything her father, or most of her family, would say about her, minus her dead mother. Maybe that was a good thing.

Well, she wasn't just going to leave this.

 

"Dorian, there's a letter you need to see."

He turned around quickly from one of the bookshelves he was always peering at, smiling at the sound of her voice, "A letter? Is it a naughty letter? A humorous proposal from some Antivan dowager?"

Dorian's brows furrowed when he saw her troubled expression.

"Not quite. It's from your father."

"My father..."

It was like his heart dropped slightly. His face fell into a look Scarlett had never seen on him before. It was a little unsettling.

"And what does Magister Halward want, pray tell?"

"A meeting."

"Show me this letter."

 

He was pacing now, gripping the edge of the paper hard enough Scarlett thought he might accidentally tear it.

"I know my son? What my father knows of me would barely fill a thimble."

Dorian groaned in anger, "This is so typical. I'm willing to bet this 'retainer' is a henchman, hired to knock me on the head and drag me back to Tevinter."

"You think your father would actually do that?"

"No... although I wouldn't put it past him."

She couldn't imagine that happening. She'd have him tracked down and brought back immediately because no fucking way was she loosing another friend. Best friend, really.

"Let's go together, meet this so called 'family retainer.'" he spat.

"Together? Now? Right before we march on Adamant?"

"It won't take long, a day at the most. Besides, if it's a trap we escape and kill everyone! You're good at that."

Yes, she was. She didn't pride herself on her skill in battle much, at least not out loud.

"If its not. I send the man back to my father with a message that he can stick his alarm in his 'wit's end.'"

"There's bad blood between you and you're family, I assume?"

He laughed, "Interesting turn of phrase, but you're correct. They don't care for my choices, nor I for theirs."

It all sounded very familiar to her...

"Because you wouldn't get married? Because you left?"

"That too."

Well, this was a turn of events. An impromptu excursion, though not at all like the one with Cullen. Though no matter what, if this was what Dorian wanted, she'd go. Scarlett was rather curious to know the intentions of his father and this 'retainer.'

"Let's meet with the retainer, then."

"I wonder how much my father paid this man to wait around just in case I showed," he sighed, "We'll find out soon enough."

Notes:

Omg, I feel like a fucking idiot because I can't even copy and paste properly. Sorry I didn't get those last few sentences in!

Chapter 48: Last Resort of Good Men

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Scarlett and Dorian set off early the next morning, just barely giving the word to the advisors before they hopped on their horses and passed the gates. The entire way, Dorian was on edge. When she tried to make small talk he was short with her, so very usual for Dorian. He was never short. If she wasn't uneasy before about all of this, she was now. The majority of the trip, they rode in tense and solemn silence.

While Redcliffe was still alive when they arrived, only being late afternoon after all, there were no noises coming from the tavern. They stood outside, Dorian taking deep breaths in front of the door as they listened to the ambiance behind them. Scarlett rubbed his shoulder, to give him some sort of assurance that she was here with him, despite how alone he might feel.

He opened the door like ripping off a bandage, not a single soul in sight beyond. It was odd seeing the tavern in this state: empty chairs and empty tables, empty bar.

That meant no drinks, dammit.

Maybe it was a trap, after all.

"Uh oh. Nobody's here. That doesn't bode well." said Dorian.

Scarlett started to take her staff from her behind her back until a figure approached from the side, barely catching it out the corner of her eye. Dorian was still looking away, unable to see the man that was almost impossible to  not recognize as his father.

"Dorian, he said.

"Father."

The way the Magister simply carried himself was strange to her. It reminded her too much of her own father when they were at events, or had guests over at their manor.

Dorian's face hardened as he huffed, "So the whole story about the 'family retainer' was just... what? A smoke screen?"

"Then you were told," he stepped closer to the pair, "I apologize for the deception, Inquisitor. I never intended for you to be involved."

"Of course not. Magister Pavus couldn't come to Skyhold and be seen with the dread Inquisitor. What would people think?"

He took another step forward, demanding, "What is 'this' exactly, Father? Ambush? Kidnapping? Warm family reunion?"

His father sighed, "This is how it has always been."

Scarlett almost felt like she shouldn't keep intervening, but she was already intervening by being here, so why not keep at it,

"You went through all of this to get Dorian here. Talk to him."

"Yes, father. Talk to me," Dorian's voice raised by the second, "Let me hear how mystified you are by my anger."

"Dorian, there's no need to-"

"I prefer the company of men. My father disapproves."

Scarlett furrowed her brows, "That's not exactly news, Dorian."

He growled, "And why should it be? Why should anyone care? I have no idea."

"This display is uncalled for."

"No it is called for. You called for it by luring me here."

"This is not what I wanted."

"I'm never what you wanted, Father, or had you forgotten?"

She was confused beyond belief. Scarlett knew of people who might of thought liking the same sex was... odd, a little uncomfortable, even. There was once a fat, drunk Ferelden man who slurred at her in a tavern just because she was flirting with another woman, but this was different. No one gave a shit who you liked in the Circle, encouraged it, even. A few less reproducing mages... That's why they must not approve in Tevinter, where being a mage is more important than anything.

"That's... a big concern in Tevinter, then?"

"Only if you're trying to live up to an impossible standard. Every Tevinter family is intermarrying to distill the perfect mage, perfect body, perfect mind. The perfect leader. It means every perceived flaw- every aberration- is deviant and shameful," he looked back to his father, expression much angrier than it had been just moments ago, "It must be hidden."

"Then just walk away, Dorian. You already did that once, didn't you?"

"I agree, let's go. There's nothing more to be gained here."

The Magister moved closer, concern in his tone, "Dorian, please. If you'll only listen to me."

"Why? So you can spout more convenient lies?" Dorian got in his face, pointing a finger at him, "He taught me to hate blood magic. 'The resort of the weak mind' those are his words. But what was the first thing you did when your precious heir refused to play pretend for the rest of his life? You tried to change me."

His face was written in anguish, voice breaking, and Scarlett thought for a second he might even cry judging by the sound alone. It hurt her to seem him like this.

Magister Halward just shook his head, "I only wanted what was best for you."

"You wanted the best for you! For your fucking legacy! Anything for that!"

Scarlett was surprised by the sudden outburst, watching as Dorian moved to slump over a table, nearly on the verge of tears. Part of her wanted to just leave. If it was her in this situation, and it was her Father, she'd have never even come in the first place. But her Father would have never even made the effort to send a letter, let alone want to meet in a tavern. She shouldn't be comparing this experience to hers, however. That was the other part of her, the instinctive part that saw his father. He didn't want to just argue, and perhaps he did want was best for him. He seemed... genuinely discouraged. That was different from her own parent.

She quietly stepped next to Dorian, "You should at least let him speak. You got a lot off your chest..."

He looked at her coldly, and she though he might just walk out the door without looking back. But he didn't, storming up to his father instead, "Tell me why you came."

His voice cracked, "If I knew I would drive you to the Inquisition-"

"You didn't. I joined the Inquisition because it's the right thing to do. Once I had a father who would have known that."

Dorian didn't say anything else. Now, he was walking to the door and Scarlett was tempted to grab him by the arm and push him back to his father, but there was no need.

"Once I had a son who trusted me. I trust I betrayed. I only wanted to talk to him. To hear his voice again. To ask him to forgive me."

Scarlett felt her hear crack, but still she smiled at the look of shock on Dorian's face. He glanced back at her, for a reaction, or guidance, she was uncertain. She motioned her head towards the Magister. There was no longer a need for her there. They'd continue their possible reconciliation after she'd left, judging by the way Dorian was walking back towards him again, softer this time. That was a great sign.

 

Dorian didn't talk much when they first started the trek back to Skyhold. They knew they'd arrive late in the evening, but Scarlett had already taken that excursion with Cullen, and they couldn't waste many days leading up to the Inquisition's march on Adamant. Dorian might have been tired, but didn't mean he couldn't talk about what happened. She wanted to know what else they said to each other, if there was actually a resolution. That, and she wanted to know more about the situation itself, what he meant rambling about blood magic and 'changing' him. Scarlett didn't want it to mean what she already knew it meant.

Dorian's face was practically devoid of emotion as their horses peacefully trotted along the path. It wasn't until they were well far away from Redcliffe did he speak.

"He says we're alike. Too much pride," he stared blankly in front of him, his expression unchanged, "Once I would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. Now, I'm not certain."

So it didn't completely work out. Though, that wasn't a surprise.

He shook his head, "I don't know if I can forgive him."

"...He tried to change you?" Scarlett had to ask.

"Out of desperation. I wouldn't put on a show, marry the girl, keep everything unsavory private and locked away. Selfish, I suppose, not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside."

Though perhaps not as much, she could relate. Her father would have probably made her do the same if she hadn't been a mage.

"He was going to do a blood ritual. Alter my mind, make me... acceptable. I found out. I left."

The full picture became clear in her head. Why did every little tiny problem always have to lead to blood magic in Tevinter?

"Can blood magic actually do that?"

Dorian shrugged, "Maybe. It could have also left me a drooling vegetable. It crushed me to think he found that absurd risk preferable to scandal."

She couldn't imagine it. That your parent would rather have you dead or a vegetable than liking the same sex. Who gave a shit if Dorian preferred it in the ass? If Scarlett wanted vagina rather than dick every now and then? She never understood why anyone gave a shit.

"Part of me had always hoped he didn't really want to go through with it," he let out an unsteady breath, "If he had... I can't even imagine the person I would be now. I wouldn't like that Dorian."

His face was sad, more solemn than she'd ever seen. Scarlett would have given him the greatest hug she could muster, if she weren't on a horse, that is.

"Are you alright?"

"No, not really."

He said that, but seemed considerably less down than he was just a second ago. She was relieved when he finally looked at her with a soft smile.

"For what it's worth, thank you for bringing me out there. It wasn't what I expected but... it's something. Maker knows what you must think of me now, after that whole display."

"I think you're very brave."

"Brave?"

"My father... he's not that much different from yours. He's no Magister, of course, but if I hadn't been a mage he'd probably have me wed to some oaf or jackass by now. I'd be attending balls, meeting with other nobles as I wore big, obnoxious gowns with pounds on pounds of makeup covering every freckle on my skin while I try to keep myself sane. The Circle was shit, but it was a blessing, in a way."

"He also didn't care what you want? Rather have you be his precious heir and protege?"

"He never wanted me in general," her voice broke a little and she had to clear her throat to prevent that from happening again, "My mother was happy, but to him I was nothing but an accident, a nuisance. He was almost delighted that I was mage because he could send me to the Circle and never have to worry about me again. I kept it hidden for a time, but the after he found out there were Templars at our door the next day."

Dorian was silent for a time, not quite knowing how to respond. Scarlett on the other hand, felt really strange. She was opening up more now, what with Cullen and everything that'd been going on, but never had she spoken a word of her father to anyone, let alone rant. Though with where she and Dorian had just went and just done, it didn't seem so peculiar for her to talk about it. There was never a need otherwise. Josephine had mentioned once or twice that she should try to contact some members of her family, including her father, but she wouldn't get a reply if she did.

"He hasn't written to you since you became Inquisitor?" Dorian asked.

Scarlett shook her head, "I'd be seriously surprised if he did."

"Maybe I should feel lucky, then."

"Mine didn't try blood magic."

"To each his own, I suppose."

Dorian sighed as they both grew quiet again, but not tense or gloomy quite this time. The moon was moving ever upward as more and more stars came out to shine. She'd want to crawl and curl up under her covers as soon as she made it up to her quarters. It'd be so late when they finally returned to Skyhold...

"At any rate, time to go home and drink ourselves into a stupor. It's been that sort of day. Care to join me at the tavern?"

That wouldn't be smart. Getting drunk at the hour it'd be? And  if they got drunk, they'd be very loud and annoying for that time of night. She and Dorian would laugh and yell for no reason as they bumbled their way out of the tavern, plenty of wine and maybe some vodka in their systems. They loved the same type of wines. After Dorian had somehow wandered away from her, she'd probably stumble into Cullen's office while he worked late, completely out of her wits. She'd say lots of embarrassing shit she'd regret the next morning and immediately have to go explain to avoid any confusion. It'd be a glorious mess.

Still, she grinned, "You know I can't pass up a drink."

She wouldn't miss out on it for anything.

Notes:

I wasn't planning on making this quest take up a whole chapter and a half, but oh well. I felt like it tied in some to my quizzy's backstory. That and I feel like this was a good transition point in their relationship from good friends to best friends.

Chapter 49: Here Lies The Abyss

Summary:

The graphic depictions of violence warning finally applies now lol.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Cullen didn't like the Western Approach. he grew up around forests and lush grass, not sand and... more sand. Sand was annoying, and he already had to empty his boots of it twice as he, Scarlett, her party, and the Inquisition's army made their way to Adamant fortress. They were to arrive by the next evening, and attack during the night. Speaking of, the nights weren't very pleasant either. Sleeping on sand is even worse than walking on it. He didn't understand how Scarlett could stay here for weeks at a time.

Though she seemed to agree, scoffing as she poured some sand from a boot. She looked up at him curiously when he approached the fire she was sitting in front of.

"I'm still not used to you coming with us on journeys like these."

"I imagine the soldiers and giant siege equipment help remind you."

She smiled, taking off her other boot, "A bit."

Cullen sat down next to her, considering he probably should dump his shoes again too. Meanwhile, sand was currently spilling out of her other boot, a lot of sand. She might've not had emptied them all day.

"Are you ready?" he asked partly for the sake of making small talk, but also because he wanted to know. Scarlett seemed in rather good spirits despite the situation.

She nodded, "Of course. I'm confident in the soldiers."

"I asked about you."

"I am also plenty confident in myself, I assure you."

It didn't ease any worries he might have conjured up. He always worried about her when she wasn't at Skyhold. At least now, he could have some part in keep her safe by killing any demon who might hurt her instead. It was reassuring to think he'd always be close by.

"You're obviously worried. I think you're the one who isn't ready," her tone was sarcastic.

He rolled his eyes, "I am. I'm only thinking about the army of demons."

"Well, I've killed shit-tons of demons."

"So have I."

She lightly elbowed him on the shoulder, "Maybe I've killed more than you."

"I don't think so."

"Is that right?"

"I was at Kirkwall, remember?"

"...Well, bet I'm better at killing demons in general."

Cullen kept playing along with her lighthearted tease, shaking his head.

"I don't believe that either."

"You haven't seen me fight, so you can't start making assumptions."

"I'm older than you. I've had more experience."

"I bet I'm still better than you."

He laughed and dropped it because she'd keep being stubborn about it. Scarlett wouldn't talk often about fighting with him unless something 'fucking bad-ass' happened while she was in the field. She was certainly one for boasting every now and then.

Cullen didn't even notice him come up, but his attention was grabbed when Scarlett said something.

"Hi, Varric."

The dwarf sat down in front of them, all smiles, "Freckles. Curly."

"Where's Hawke?" she asked, glancing around.

"He and Dorian are bonding. Seeker wanted to talk to him, but Sparkles is more interesting to him, apparently."

"And you're not bonding with them?" Cullen said.

Varric shook his head, "I think Hawke's had enough of me for the past couple of weeks. Besides, I'm sure you two will be plenty entertaining for me."

Scarlett leaned forward, "Oh? How so?"

He shrugged, "I'm always looking for inspiration for my next book. If-"

"No." Cullen barked.

"What's the problem, Curly?"

"You are not putting anything in a book... about us! I know about Swords and Shields."

"Well, that series is horrible and shouldn't have even been printed. I think you two would make for a much better story, or maybe a side plot in a even bigger tale?"

Cullen groaned and slapped a hand on his forehead. Scarlett just giggled, of course this was amusing to her. He would collapse in embarrassment if her ever found himself in one of Varric's stories, let alone a love story.

Maker's breath. They were supposed to be focusing on the corrupted Grey Wardens and army of demons they were about to fight.

 

 

"Pull back! They're through!" a Grey Warden shouted from afar, just as the most recent blast subsided.

He was relieved to see Scarlett just beyond the burst-in doors, Varric, Cassandra, Dorian, and Warden Alistair not far ahead.

"Alright, Inquisitor. You have your way in, best make use of it," he said as she turned at the sound of his voice, "We'll keep the main host of demons occupied for as long as we can."

She raised a brow and smirked, "That's a worrying lack of specificity there, Commander."

He wasn't amused, "There are more of them than I was hoping, Inquisitor."

"...You don't say."

"Warden Alistair will guard your back. Hawke is with our soldiers on the battlements. He's assisting them until you arrive."

There was a piercing screech from above. Both their eyes went up just as a soldier splatted on the ground below their feet, blood suddenly covering the sand and staining their shoes. Another demon appeared over the wall, peering over at them menacingly, like they were next.

Cullen sighed, "There's too much resistance on the walls. Our men on the ladders can't get a foothold. If you can clear out the enemies on the battlements, we'll cover your advance."

Scarlett did seem fazed by the sight of a man falling to his death at their feet, nodding with a less smug and satisfied expression on her face. When she turned away he grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her back around.

"And be careful,"

He wasn't asking. It was a command.

She kissed him on the cheek and suddenly he was reminded of Haven, just before she set out to bring down the mountain and bury Haven. And herself...

Though, that was simply a peck before. This kiss was longer and slower.

"You be careful, too," she patted him on the same cheek before joining the rest of her companions. As much as he wanted to follow, he forced his legs to go the other direction.

 

As the siege went on, more and more demons and Wardens fell at his feet and Scarlett was that much closer to reaching Warden Commander Clarel. Cullen swore every now and then he saw a blip of ice or fire magic from above. He wasn't sure which one Scarlett preferred, but he only hoped it was her. It meant she was still alright. His nerves dwindled slightly, and he wasn't so afraid anymore.

That is, until the dragon appeared. It dove down directly into the main courtyard. Cullen was at the siege points, helping the soldiers and Wardens who'd switched side kill the remaining demons when the beast turned it's attention away from the courtyard. He barely managed to dodge the dragon fire that came forth after.

This wasn't in the plan...

What came next was a repeated cycle of killing, then the need to look up or over his shoulder because there he didn't know when the dragon would decide to pay him another visit. He could see the fortress well from up here, though, and kept a careful eye whenever he found himself near the edge. The dragon was on the battlements now and that's when he saw it again: more ice magic. It was swallowed by another round of red fire.

He couldn't reach where it was, he was too far away to even try. He could only fight on as the dragon flew further away from him.

Cullen didn't expect it, too busy trying to yank his sword out of one of the last demon's head when there was a massive sound of a blast, a horrible screeching. Then the ground began to shake below his feet. He didn't know where, but somewhere part of the fortress was collapsing. It didn't take long for him to realize he wasn't safe up high on the siege points, and made his way down to the main courtyard. It's where Scarlett was supposed to be.

The path was longer than he expected and littered with a few more enemies he had to deal with, but didn't want to. He had to reach the courtyard now. She wasn't in that collapse...

When he finally arrived, he was only greeted by a large group of soldiers and Wardens, and one very open rift.

"Demons been spilling out periodically, Commander," a soldier said as he approached him, "We just finished off the last wave."

"Where's the Inquisitor?" he barked.

The young boy looked at him like he didn't know why he'd ask that.

"You didn't hea- ...She's gone, her and her party. they fell off the balcony. The others saw a big green light and then... nothing."

"What do you mean nothing," his tone sounded more angry than he meant.

"T-There were no bodies or blood seen on the ruins, Commander."

Cullen couldn't breathe. Something was punching his chest and sucking the air out of his lungs at the same time as his limbs suddenly wanted to go numb. He forced his feet to stay on the ground, hand to stay clenched around his sword when in reality, if he wasn't in front of his men, it'd already be dropped by now. Where he saw the soldier clear just a moment ago, now he was just a brighter colored blur in midst of the other grey blurs around him. But he wasn't brighter. He was darker now. The world was suddenly losing color as Cullen fought to keep him composure and not faint in front of the very confused boy.

"Ser? Are you alright? Should I call a heal-"

"No. Just... It's..."

Another burst of green light. The sand beside him pulsed with green spikes, the air of it connecting to the open rift. More demons were to come. He couldn't think about her right now...

Notes:

The end of this chapter's kinda shit so sorry about that. I didn't want to do a big complex thing of the fortress siege itself because that was like my least favorite part about that quest, and it was sorta boring up to point Clarel got fucking wrecked by the dragon. More detailed fighting next chapter though!

Chapter 50: Fear

Notes:

This is kind of a unique chapter. It's more like a chronological compilation of moments and Scarlett's thoughts in the fade, not really like the other chapters. Hope you guys like it and it isn't too confusing lol.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

The ceiling was... the ground?

Scarlett reached out a tentative finger as she hung upside down in the air. Before she even touched it a force slammed her down on her back and she grunted on impact. She stumbled when she stood back up, grateful that, at the very least, she wasn't falling anymore.

"Well, this is unexpected," a voice said from above. Scarlett looked up, but had to stare at Alistair for a solid thirty seconds before it processed that he was standing sideways? Standing on a wall?

Looking further up there was Hawke, fully upside down as she had been, "We were falling. Are we dead?"

She, Dorian, Varric, and Cassandra were on her level, still trying to gather their bearings.

"If this is the afterlife, the Chantry owes me an apology. This looks nothing like the Maker's bosom."

"No, the Inquisitor did something with the mark, opened another rift. I think... we're in the fade."

Solas would have had a field day if she'd brought him along. Nobody else was very happy about it though, it seemed. She wasn't either. Sure, she opened this rift , but only because they'd fucking die otherwise. Death by falling on rubble didn't seem adequate.

Hawke walked further ahead of them on his ceiling, floor ceiling? "The fade looked much different the last time I was here."

"I've seen my father in the fade. I've seen a demon pretending to be my sister in the fade, but I've never seen this," said Alistair.

"The first time I entered the fade, it looked like a lovely castle filled with gold and silks," Dorian began, "I met a marvelous desire demon, as I recall. We chatted and ate grapes before he attempted to possess me. I hear southern harrowings are slightly more strenuous."

Scarlett's harrowing was easier than most other southern harrowings, or so she was told. According to the enchanters, she was in the fade for less than ten minutes before she passed, though to her it felt around twenty or thirty. The most powerful demon there was desire, easy to resist considering the memory of her rape was still fresh in her mind, and she and Nerianna had only just started. The demon may have been full tits and all, but still it wasn't difficult for her to push it away. The other demons were even more pathetic, and then she was out. She would've prided herself on her quick time if it wasn't for the reason why.

Though this was anything but like her harrowing...

"It's not how I remember the fade, either," Hawke said, "Perhaps it's because we're here physically, instead of just dreaming. The stories say you walked out of the fade at Haven. Was it like this?"

"I don't know. I still can't remember what happened the last time I did this."

Maker wishes she would. She didn't mind forgetting for it probably wasn't a pleasant experience, but everyone asking what happened or why she couldn't remember got pretty annoying.

Hawke helpfully reminded them of the huge ass demon Erimond had outside that rift he was using.

"In the real world, the rift with the demons was nearby, in the main hall. Can we get out the same way?"

Scarlett shrugged, "Beats waiting around for demons to find us, right?"

She could almost hear Solas now, sighing with excitement as they strolled down the dirt paths surrounded by green... mush? She'd asked him about some things about the fade because they were interesting, but he got so damn happy about it that it was like he lived, ate, and breathed the place. She liked learning about fade magic, though.

Scarlett was interested by some of the aspects of it when she met the specialists. Not the fact the teacher didn't even know her own name, but throwing huge rocks at people seemed fun. She stuck with being a knight-enchanter, what she'd originally wanted, even if she preferred her ice magic over anything.

She hoped her ice would come in real handy here...

The energy around them was strong, she could feel it. Dorian and Hawke did too, judging by the looks they exchanged. The demon Erimond had was a powerful one.

She eyed at Cassandra too, but her attention was anywhere but on the others around her. She seemed more intrigued by the fade than Scarlett would have thought, "Imagine it! To walk in the fade and survive..." she said.

Varric had to quirk, "So we survive? Good to know."

The dwarf groaned as he stepped in one of the piles of green goo, "Is this really what it's like when you dream? How do you people ever sleep? Remember last time we were in the fade, Hawke?"

"Oh, how could I forget? My closest friends showed such loyalty in the face of demon's temptations."

"Well, we got better. Sort of."

There'd better not be any 'temptations' here with whatever demon occupied this part of the fade.

 

Things would have been predictable if fucking Divine Justinia wasn't there. When Scarlett saw her face, the glimpses of what happened at Haven suddenly became a little clearer. It looked just like a person, like her, but Cassandra couldn't tell if it was or not. It was probably a spirit.

Her explanation about the nightmare demon was certainly insightful.

What she was more unsure of were these 'memories.' Scarlett wasn't sure if she wanted to see them, she hated being called the Herald enough. The divine- spirit- whatever said they'd help her 'grow' whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. But if this furthered any of those false rumors...

 

"Now is the hour of our victory."

"Why are you doing this? You of all people?"

"Keep the sacrifice still."

"Someone help me!"

"What the fuck is this?"

Sometimes, Scarlett wished her words were cleaner.

The divine knocked the orb from Corypheus's hand. When she dove for it, it rolled right into her palm, like it was meant to come to her...

 

The nightmare was rather pathetic. It shaped the demons into the fears of each individual, which was rather distressing

But spiders. They made her skin crawl every now and then with those ugly, beady faces and their little pincers. So sure, she hated spiders with every inch of her body, but they weren't that scary.

This demon would have to try harder.

"Ah, we have a visitor."

She spoke too soon.

"Some foolish little girl comes to steal the fear I kindly lifted from her shoulders. You should have thanked me and left your fear where it lay: forgotten."

It had to speak. It could never just sprout other demons and leave them, could it?

"She told you pain would make you stronger? She's a fool to fill your mind with such drivel. The only one who grows stronger from your fears is me. But you are a guest here in my home, so by all means, let me return what you have forgotten..."

Bitch-ass demon.

The party approached another stretch of monsters, more spiders that the others began fighting, but Scarlett was fixated on particular demon further ahead. She spotted it only briefly, but couldn't pull her gaze away. An elf, hair long and sliver...

It turned a corner. She ran after it. The others could handle the rest of the demons.

Scarlett was confused because this wasn't the work of a desire demon. If it was a desire demon, it'd be doing a shitty job because she didn't want Nerianna anymore. She carefully turned the corner she'd seen it follow and then a foot was on her stomach. She was kicked onto the ground with almost enough force to knock the wind out of her, and her staff had flown out of her grasp. She backed up on her hands before she saw the Templar armor. The silver hair was now black and oily, and his eyes devoid of any emotion.

"This is pretty gullible of you, Scarlett."

Davin charged toward her, sword coming down on the ground just after she rolled away. Lying on the ground still, she casted an ice spell at his foot, thankful she was skilled at ice without her staff. His right leg froze in place as he moved and he fell to the ground. She crawled towards him, unsheathed her single dagger, and shoved it through his skull.

Though this was a demon, and it wasn't a skull because as soon as she took the weapon out of it's head it dissolved into a pile of misty green goo.

"Inquisitor!"

Cassandra's voice.

Well, shit...

She stood up quick and grabbed her staff, gaining back her composure. The Seeker was mad and questioning, but Scarlett didn't tell them who the demon was.

 

If only this nightmare didn't have so much to say. He had a big mouth for a demon.

It's tone was demeaning, "Perhaps I should be afraid., facing the most powerful members of the Inquisition."

It let out a slow, villain-like laugh. Then it began to single each of them out, one by one. Presumably delving into their 'fears.' Scarlett wasn't scared, for she didn't have many fears. At least not anymore...

 

"Once again, Hawke is in danger because of you, Varric. You found the red lyrium, you brought Hawke here."

"Just keep talking, smiley."

 

"You're Inquisitor is a fraud, Cassandra. Yet more evidence there is no Maker, that all your 'faith' has been for naught."

"Die in the void demon."

 

"Greetings, Dorian... It is Dorian, isn't it? For a moment, I mistook you for your father."

His reaction wasn't as annoyed as the other two, "Rather uncalled for."

 

"Did you think you mattered, Hawke? Did you think anything you ever did mattered? You couldn't even save your city. How could you expect to strike down a god? Fenris is going to die, just like your family, and everyone you ever cared about."

"Well that's going to grow tiresome quickly."

 

"Did the king's bastard think he could prove himself? It's far too late for that. Your whole life, you've left everything to more capable hands. The archdemon, the throne of Ferelden... Who will you hide behind now?"

"Is that all it's got? I've heard worse than that from Morrigan."

 

They trekked on for longer, past valleys of red lyrium and strange objects littering the path, most she didn't understand why they were there. A giant mirror, a child's bed, candles upon candles. It was strange how fear worked... She hoped they'd get to the divine before-

"Scarlett... That is your name, correct? Sometimes, I forget you're not just the Inquisitor."

Oh no.

She knew she wouldn't go without her share of torment. If only the others weren't here to listen in. Scarlett faced away from her companions because she didn't want to see what they were doing as this fucker talked to her.

"Do you think someone like yourself can continue to head the Inquisition? You lead behind a shroud of silence and tears you have yet to shed... Perhaps I need not say much. Your friends are here. Watching, listening. They can all see you, now."

She whipped around, "Oh shut the fuck up!"

Nothing....

Maybe that worked?

It was right, though. Everyone was looking at her, pitifully too. This is not what she wanted right now.

With the nightmare out of her head, she turned back around and started walking again. When they got a little ways ahead, and still no voices, she breathed again. There was another small group of demons they slayed as they moved closer and closer to the divine. Hawke stepped in to help her kill the last one and their magic combined finished it off in a matter of seconds.

"Cullen doesn't love you."

Can this fucking bitch-ass demon shut it's fucking mouth?

She groaned and rolled her eyes as it spat out more bullshit.

"He never will... How could he? He doesn't even want to bed you, let alone stay with you."

Yay, now everyone knows the status of her sex life. She started walking again, not turning to see if anyone was looking at her.

"He doesn't want you. Your efforts at comfort are useless because he will always push you away. There's a thousand problems on his shoulders and to him, you are just another one."

"Leave me the hell alone!"

"Maybe not yelling at it might work?" Hawke chimed in.

Scarlett rolled her eyes, "I'll try."

Hawke was right. The demon was getting what he wanted. He struck a nerve in her and she hated that but couldn't blame herself at the same time. It was hovering problems over her head she barely knew she had. She hadn't even thought about... that word.

That big word, the word that made her feel all weird. Not once since she and Cullen started. Maybe it was a thought that lingered in the back of her mind, waiting to be seen. The nightmare saw it better than her.

She brushed it off and continued on.

 

The spiders seemed to be getting bigger... hooray. Scarlett wondered if Cassandra saw huge-ass maggots, too, since that was what the demons appeared as to her, apparently.

The next time the group fought a patch of monsters, they were above a ledge, and the huge-ass spiders were overwhelming. She didn't check the ground behind her, not until it was too late and she was falling of the ledge. But the drop wasn't even ten feet, and she didn't even hurt her back on the landing. Though, the path to get back up there was more than a hundred feet away.

"Just keep going, I'll catch up."

"Be careful, Inquisitor!" Cassandra called to her.

When she stood back up, her ass felt sore, so she didn't come from the fall completely unscathed. She hoped it wouldn't hurt to sit down later.

It didn't take long for her to find her way back, and Scarlett could see the path again after only a minute. But there was another sound.

"Hello there..."

She stopped in her tracks. The voice faded, but the tone drifted in the air for many moments after. Her eyes went everywhere as she kept turning in circles because there was another demon nearby. She turned and turned but all that approached was another damned spider. She killed it with ease.

"What are you doing out of your bed? It's too late for a young girl to be wandering about..."

Dammit where the hell was it?!

"Come on, motherfucker! I'm not scared of that!" she shouted to the sky.

"There's no need to be frightened. Us Templars are here to protect you..."

The noise was everywhere around and Scarlett couldn't pinpoint one direction it was coming from. It was like the nightmare itself, just with a different person's voice.

"Maybe you're the one who's frightened," she taunted, "You can't even show your face."

"Look at me. It's alright."

She spun around so fast.

He was just... standing there... on the other side of the valley, as big and tall as she remembered. The armor and sword were perfectly shiny, like new. Though she couldn't see the face clearly, she didn't need to.

"You're dead. I know you're not real, I'm not an idiot."

The Templar stepped forward. Scarlett stepped back.

"Don't squirm too much."

One more step. She didn't move.

"It'll all be over soon-"

She casted a spell. He yanked the shield off his back and blocked it.

"Your spells can't help you. I'm your superior."

Another spell, another block. He moved faster.

Fuck, her ice was useless because she needed an opening. She wasn't going to get one from the front, so she let the demon come towards her. It charged and she let the waves of her frost step carry her ahead. He didn't get time to glance behind him before her staff wacked him on the back of the head. He stumbled and she used the opening to grab his forehead and let her fire come into play. She let the flames she rarely used sear through the skin until she felt bone. The screeches and wails were more satisfying than anything. What she would have gived to hear Evrard scream while he was alive.

Scarlett shoved him away from her, wiping off the green goo from her scorching hand. But as she looked back at him, she grew confused. It was unsettling enough that he was still standing considering she'd just melted half of his head to bits, but now he looked different. He wasn't wearing Templar armor anymore, and had a full head of hair. He was wearing noble's clothes, casual attire she saw worn around many of the noblemen back home.

The demon turned around slowly, the more intact side of the face coming into clear view. The eyes were violet, like hers.

The other side of his face was almost boiling, parts still on fire, peeling and charring. That included the purple eyeball that fell out of it's socket and onto the ground. She screamed.

Scarlett barely backed up enough so she could collapse against a wall. It didn't help the fucking eyeball was still rolling towards her. The demon eventually fell face first onto the ground, and there was a horrible squishy sound when the head hit the ground.

She didn't stare for long at the disintegrating corpse of her father before she ran.

 

"This is the breach back in Haven. That's how we... how I escaped."

She did remember climbing. That horrible, steep, stone staircase that felt more like a slippery ladder. Except now, the woman wasn't glowing.

"The demons!"

"Keep running!"

The woman didn't follow her.

"Go..."

 

The realization hit her like a shit ton of bricks.

"It was you," Scarlett said.

The divine looked at her sadly.

"They thought it was Andraste sending me from the fade, but it was the divine behind me."

She wasn't sent by a god, thank fuck. It would've been more relieving if it weren't for...

"And then you... she died."

"Yes."

She was the reason the divine died...

It was her fault.

Why would anyone sacrifice themselves for her?! She's Inquisitor now, so she can find multiple reasons... but before? Scarlett was nobody.

The divine died for nobody.

If she didn't have the title and the mark on her hand she'd still be nobody. Even now, she still felt like nobody.

Though she was 'most holy' maybe it was what she should've expected. Someone so faithful to the Maker would protect others above themselves. That was a teaching. Scarlett didn't care much about religion, but she knew what lessons were taught, what it meant to be Andrastian. She recited the Chant of Light enough times in the Circle that she had it memorized still.

It was haunting to think after she fell out of the rift at Haven that she may even be written into some religious books as 'The Herald of Andraste.' Someone who didn't even believe in the god whose bride she was the Herald of. How ironic.

But she wasn't.

Scarlett wasn't the Herald of Andraste, whether she believed or not, and now she knew.

It was the only good thing that happened since they fell in this shithole.

 

The thought didn't cheer her up for very long, considering the situation they were still in. She was shaken up, by which demon or memory, she couldn't say. Maybe all of the above. Varric commented on her change in demeanor, trying to be humorous while being concerned at the same time. Scarlett was short and basically told him to fuck off. She instantly felt bad that she was rude, but that wasn't the worst thing that happened to Varric that day.

Just when things turned around for the better, Hawke sacrificed himself.

Notes:

I've probably been playing too many horror games. Reading back over the fight scenes I can definitely see where some horror game-like inspiration came in. And yes, I 'killed' Hawke. I'm not one to believe in any off-screen death, especially the death of a former protagonist, so yeah, I think he's still alive. Besides, I couldn't do it to Alistair and my Warden. Sorry Fenris :(

Chapter 51: Hawke

Notes:

Sorry in advance for everyone who didn't sacrifice Hawke in the fade.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

"Where's Hawke?"

Silence.

Alistair turned his head away.

Scarlett didn't say anything, the words refused to leave her. The way she was looking at Varric communicated what her mouth couldn't. She'd never seen the look in his eyes before, but she needed to tell the others.

"Hawke... sacrificed his life to save us and strike a decisive blow against Corypheus."

She was unsure how she said all that without her voice breaking.

"Well..."

Varric didn't bother finishing his thought before storming off.

Cassandra called to him, "Varric, I'm..."

It was too late.

"H-he... gave his life not because he'd sworn an oath or been marked as someone special, but because someone had to do it."

Then she had to deal with the Warden situation. Scarlett let them continue to help the Inquisition, of course. She saw how many of the Wardens rejected Corypheus's calling and came to fought with them. If Alistair was right about anything...

Cassandra's reaction wasn't what she expected.

"After all that, you give them yet another chance!"

"While they do that, I'll report to the Wardens at Weisshaupt," Alistair said, "Corypheus won't catch us with our trousers down again."

Thank you, Your Worship. We will not fail you," a Warden said, easing her mind from the Seeker's little outburst.

Alistair smiled softly at her, still clutching at his side, "Good luck, Inquisitor. Tell Morrigan... Ah, just tell her I stood there looking foolish."

 

When Cullen had heard she and her party had returned, he came running to the main courtyard. She was finishing things up with the Wardens, barely catching him out of the corner of her eye as he approached Cassandra. Thank fuck he didn't immediately spot her because it gave her time to escape.

Now, Scarlett was hiding. She could be alone with her thoughts for a little while. There was a little crook near the courtyard for her to wallow in and think about everything that'd just happened, what she'd done. She sat on a piece of the fortress that had fallen, but it was rather smooth and made for a half-decent bench. She needed to sit down, and didn't want to do it on sand. Her dirty, bloodied hands, still wet with demon goop started shaking and she didn't feel like using a spell to calm it down.

She destroyed the conclave.

She killed the divine.

She killed Hawke.

A lot of people weren't going to like her after she recruited the Wardens, but that was only part of it.

Her eyes watered as she processed. The air was warmer, tighter than it'd been a second ago and it was getting difficult to breathe. She couldn't sit still, tapping her hands against the piece of rubble, her feet against the floor. The nightmare had sifted through her thoughts, her memories. It found out about Davin, Evrard, even her fucking father-

The sound of boots sifting on sand filled her ears and she made to stand up and bolt in the other direction. Cullen couldn't see her like-

"Scarlett?" he whispered.

It was soft, but not so concerned that it felt completely overbearing. Scarlett didn't need to hear the tone to know who it was. She sighed in relief at the sound of his voice and resettled herself, "Yes?"

 

Dorian turned the corner with a confused expression.

"Why are we cowering behind a wall?" he asked with humor in his voice.

She must have looked rather pathetic, slouching on the stone with red eyes and trembling hands, because now he definitely seemed concerned. He moved closer, and Scarlett couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze anymore.

"You're upset. What's wrong?"

She shook her head.

"No, something is wrong and I'd like to help."

"You can't help me Dorian, just leave me alone."

He kneeled in front of her and she was shocked since it'd get sand and dirt on his pants. On the way, he would cuss and brush off any little tiny bit he found on his person.

He'd hate that he did that later on,  "If it's about what the nightmare said-"

She sat up right and said rather rudely, "Let's not talk about that, alright."

"Well you don't have to put it like that-"

"We're not talking about it," she demanded with a wide-eyed glare.

Dorian was sad now, dammit. Scarlett could see it as she had finally looked him in the eye. She didn't want to be mean, but couldn't help it when she was being all emotional and shit. That's what happened when anyone tried to talk to her at a bad time, so that's what he got.

"Scarlett, I just want to be sure you're alright..." his tone was almost a whisper.

Fuck, her eyes were watering more. She clenched every muscle in her face as hard as she could, fighting to keep the tears at bay. Dorian wouldn't see her cry, not now. Her quivering hands slowly turned into fists.

She fucking hated crying. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated crying. It never failed to make her uncomfortable, even when she was alone. It was more uncomfortable that sleeping on hard, grainy sand, or even a fucking rock. More uncomfortable than the sound of a fork scratching against a dinner plate and that was her least favorite sound in history.

Scarlett hadn't cried in front of someone since Nerianna. Even then, that was what? A little less than ten years ago?

She couldn't look at Dorian, wouldn't. If she was going to cry, so be it, but she wasn't going to see his expression as she did so.

Face buried in her hands, she let out a pained and strangled sob. In seconds her palms were soaked.

Well, the nightmare could kiss her ass now. She certainly shed some tears.

Dorian didn't say anything, probably unsure how to react, but that was good. It was almost like he wasn't even there.

At least until he put a hand on her knee. She didn't push it off. He just kept it there, squeezing it a little every now and then as she continued to spill out all the emotions in her eyes onto her hands. The scary thing was... it didn't feel so bad. It was still unpleasant, but at the same time it felt okay, maybe even relieving?

The feeling was reversed when Dorian started talking.

"Should... Should I get Cullen? Surely he'd be better at-"

Fuck no.

Scarlett instantly lifted her head. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot as she glared at him and Dorian seemed a little scared.

"No, no, no," she grabbed his shoulders with the tightest grip she could muster with her shaking fingers, "You can't get Cullen."

"But wouldn-"

"I can't let him see me like this, you can't bring him into this, Dorian, please," she all but pleaded, strangled sobs breaking in between words. She'd told Cullen more about her past than she'd told most, and she supposed that was opening up, but this...

This wasn't something she had let people see so freely. The only reason Scarlett tolerated Dorian right now is because he wouldn't keep bringing it up later if she asked him not to, which she would.

Speaking of, there was a look in his eyes she hadn't seen before. She'd been seeing many new looks from him, recently.

"A-alright. I won't."

She sighed, and the sudden scare must have snapped her out of it because she didn't feel much like crying anymore.

"What the demon said... that wasn't true. You know that?"

She'd just wish he'd stop fucking talking about what happened.

"I'm certain Cullen would listen to you. The man's so endeavored with you he'd throw all his papers from the ramparts if it meant you'd be happy."

No he wouldn't.

There's a thousand problems on his shoulders and to him, you are just another one

Was she?

That was another thought that lingered in the back of her mind, waiting to be seen. Scarlett hadn't shed many of her problems on him thus far, but if he saw more...

More of what she was really like...

Dorian lightly slapped her knee and it pulled her from her thoughts, "Talk to him on the way back home. He came to the courtyard asking for you, Maker knows he's worried."

Of course. She fell off of a ledge into a rift and walked in the fade. And she said before she was confident in herself. How funny. Scarlett didn't feel very confident right now, especially considering that she had to talk to Cullen at some point tonight.

He'd fuss over every scratch he'd see on her face, ask her all sorts of questions that would lead into too much detail. Scarlett had to brush him off to avoid perpetual embarrassment, shame, and discomfort. She couldn't share with him the things that happened, how she was thinking horribly about herself because then he'd know too much. Cullen would see she's one big fucking mess.

Then the nightmare would be right.

 

Things only got worse when they returned to Skyhold. Varric wasn't pissed at her anymore, but he was much sadder than usual. Scarlett couldn't remember if she'd ever seen him sad. He'd scowl and look nervous around any patch of red lyrium they came across, but this was different. It was a couple of days before she'd gained the courage to speak to him. While she found it, it still wasn't easy to look him in the eye. Though, how could she?

She'd taken his best friend away from him.

For now, he was turned away from her, thankfully, "Did I ever tell you about the time Hawke was on a merchant guild hit list?"

A story. Of course.

"Hawke's uncle got into an investment scheme with a couple of merchant caste businessmen. They took a lot of peoples coin in order to arrange the import of wandering hills from the Anderfels. A delicacy, I'm told."

Whenever Varric told stories, he told them with gravitas and excitement. This one, while meaningful, felt almost lifeless in comparison.

"Their weird, foreign foodstuffs arrived... alive. And of them, true to it's name, wandered off in the middle of the night."

He trailed off, staring down at the ground and shaking his head. Scarlett needed to say something, anything. Any words she might have spoken were lodged in her throat.

She did the only thing her body would muster, and pulled him into a small hug. While she might expected him to lightly push her off, he accepted it and leaned into her touch. His head was on top of her tits, but he probably didn't notice, and if he did he obviously didn't care.

"Shit..."

So as not to crowd him for too long, Scarlett pulled away after a few moments, smiling softly. Varric nodded in appreciation. It gave her some much-needed comfort.

"The guild.. traced the shipment to Hawke's uncle, but as usual, he was so far in debt he couldn't see daylight. So, they went after Hawke instead..."

She listened intently, watching as the dwarf's frown slowly turned into a smile with every sentence. A smile she hadn't seen on him since Adamant. Since she, him, and Cullen were at the camp, and he joked about writing them into a book. Scarlett hadn't smiled much since then, either, though. It was only a week ago, but it felt more like a month now. What with everything that happened in the fade...

"...A couple of them became regulars in our weekly game. Hawke just... had that effect on people."

Varric's smiled faded and he stared back down at the floor again, "I always wanted to tell that one. Thanks."

He walked back to his table as he scratched his head. Scarlett wished she could say something to make the mood lighter, but she hand't been in a cheery mood herself lately, either.

"I guess I've got some letters to write. I should be the one to tell Fenris..."

She'd read the Tale of the Champion, yet almost had forgotten about Fenris. Varric definitely wasn't the only one who lost Hawke.

Fuck, she needed a drink.

Multiple drinks. Or maybe an entire bottle would suffice...

 

Notes:

We're in sappy, emotional Scarlett territory now

Chapter 52: Tears

Notes:

**long chapter alert**
This was a pain to write because of all the ~emotions~ but I like how it turned out. Hope you guys enjoy!

Chapter Text

 

There was something wrong. Something really wrong. Cullen had never seen Scarlett like this before. It was as if part of her life was being drained, and she hadn't even so much as smiled since. Since Adamant, she felt colder.

After he heard that she and party had appeared from the rift, having just returned from the fade, he almost broke out into a sprint towards the main courtyard. It confused him to see that she wasn't there, but she showed up after a few minutes, thankfully, Dorian following close behind her. Cullen didn't care that his soldiers were around. He pulled her in a crushing embrace, breathing steadily for the first time since she'd disappeared. Everything felt real again, brighter, and the grin on his face couldn't be stopped. Scarlett returned his hug lazily, but when he asked if she was alright, if she was hurt, she simply nodded and brushed past him. He would've gone after her if one of his men hadn't caught his attention.

Now, almost two weeks later, things hadn't changed. She was distant, more distant than he'd seen. The entire week they were back at Skyhold, she visited him once. It was only to drop off something for Josephine, and then she left before he could say anything else. Because she didn't visit him didn't mean they didn't see each other.

Cullen went to see her instead because this was entirely too out of character.

His nightly routine now included paying a visit to her in her quarters where she was sat at her desk, writing or sleeping. They'd make small talk and he made sure to kiss her at least once before he left, but still, she felt cold. When Scarlett slept, he wouldn't wake her. As the days of that week went by, bags began to grow underneath her eyes, darker and darker. He had some of his own and hers might have even competed. The others, such as Leliana and Josephine, didn't see much of a difference other than that she was quieter than usual. She acted almost completely normal during war room meetings, but when he visited her at night she'd be short and ill-tempered. It was him that was some sort of issue, maybe?

He had read her reports on what happened while they were in the fade, but she included nothing that hinted to a sudden change in demeanor. Though, that should be expected. If it was anything difficult to speak of, she especially wouldn't write it down.

Cullen wasn't sure what he should do. Scarlett didn't like talking about anything unless she was the one who initiated it. He may as well try, but she'd probably be short and brush him off as she'd already been doing. He wasn't sure what to expect from her right now. Despite their talks they'd had, it was clear to see she still was uneasy about opening up. Maybe it'd always be that way no matter how many times they talked.

Cullen had trouble focusing on work, constantly pondering what in Maker's name was going on, what he might have done.

 

Dorian came into his tower one day while he was, of course, working at his desk. Though, he'd never seen the mage here before...

"Hello, Commander. Might I have a word?"

He briefly glanced up from his work, "Of course."

The mage walked in all the way and shut the door behind him, "I don't wish to take much of your precious time, so I'll be quick."

Dorian approached his desk slowly. He looked nervous as he glanced all around the room, scratching the back of head. Cullen fully paused what he was doing.

"You-you've spoken to her recently, right?" Dorian finally asked.

"...Scarlett?"

"Yes?"

Cullen shook his head, "She hasn't exactly been in an agreeable mood."

"Not for me, either, but that's why I'm worried."

"You're worried?"

He shouldn't have said that like he did, like it was strange for Dorian to care. Cullen knew he and Scarlett were friends. The fact he was a Tevinter mage still made him uneasy every now and then.

Said mage sighed and stared at the ground, hands on his hips. It was as if he felt guilty about something.

He whispered briefly under his breath, "She's going to murder me."

Cullen waited intently, for now, he was pretty sure what Dorian was going to say.

The mage huffed and stared him in the eye, "Whether the mood is agreeable or not, I think you need to talk to her."

"What happened in the fade, Dorian?"

He didn't acknowledge his request, not yet. He asked what everyone else who hadn't been in the fade wanted to know. Cullen knew about the Divine, the memories, the nightmare demon. There were other specifics not shared. Dorian would know...

But he threw his hands up and laughed, "That's the issue here. None of us who were there knows everything," his face contorted, like he'd thought of something, "Though, the nightmare said..."

"Said?"

"The demon said things, to all of us, to her. Some of it might have been about you. One of the multitudes of reasons why you should to talk to her."

"Haven't you tried?"

"Maybe... and she may or may not have burst into tears at my very asking. She didn't even let me speak, practically scolding me to shut my mouth."

Tears.

Not even Cullen had seen her cry, though there were never many times when it'd even came close. Except for when she shouted at him that she'd been raped in the Circle. Fond memory.

But even then her eyes only grew red, a little glossy. He'd never heard of her crying. Really crying. And to Dorian?

The mage broke the silence he'd brought, "Just do me the one and only favor I'll ever ask of you and promise me you'll pry. She will hate me until the end of time because I'm telling you all of this, but I don't much care anymore."

Cullen nodded immediately, "I-I'll try. I can only hope she'll listen, however."

"A tough shell to crack, is it?" he cocked his head, a small smirk growing.

"More than tough."

"That's not surprising," Dorian turned to leave but continuing to talk as he went, "For what it's worth, thank you. I'll leave you to your... commanding."

He waved a hand behind him and left his office.

 

Cullen absolutely couldn't focus now, not while multiple worrying things were nagging at him all at the same time.

Scarlett cried. She didn't cry when Davin was in Skyhold, nor Nerianna. Never any of the times they talked. Not even after Davin assaulted her. Whatever happened in the fade must have been worse than any of those events.

And...

Dorian physically came into his office and asked him to talk to her. No, pleaded. It wouldn't be easy or fun, but he would try to do what the mage asked, maybe what Cullen was asking of himself, but simply couldn't find the courage to do. He was terrified of making Scarlett feel worse by bringing up the subject. Even better, she'd brush him off or refuse to talk about the matter like she did Dorian.

Though he wasn't Dorian.

Cullen cared for her much differently, more deeply. Scarlett cared for him too, trusted him in a way he never expected to feel after his past, what he'd done to mages. But she did trust and care about him. She'd already begun to open up, and he was so happy that she did so. The feeling that he knew she trusted him after what she'd been through was better than he could've imagined. The fade was just another hurdle. Maybe it'd take her more time, so be it. She was worth it.

Cullen laughed to himself.

He never had such thoughts about anyone. Scarlett wasn't even here, and yet his heart felt full. Then he realized...

He realized how he really felt.

 

If he knew how he felt,

Why was he afraid?

 

Cullen went to her quarters that night with a clear intention. Unusually, she wasn't there. Her desk was cluttered and it appeared she'd abandoned a report or letter.

He left confused. Maybe she went to the tavern? he was about to head that way when a soldier standing nearby stopped him in his tracks.

"Commander. if you're looking for the Inquisitor, she went below the castle."

"In the undercroft?"

"No, ser. The lower level, the one with that old library."

Cullen nodded, "Thank you."

Though he'd only been down there once to survey the area, he had a strong feeling where she might've gone.

 


 

 

 

The dust and cobwebs were pretty annoying. They made the chair she was sitting in much less comfortable, but it didn't matter. Here, she felt safer. Further and further away from any possible prying eyes. No one would think to look for her down here.

Scarlett was alone and alone was good. She could cry in peace.

The overwhelming feeling came while she was working in her quarters, the demeaning thoughts and images flooding through her head, getting a rise out of her. Immediately, she knew she couldn't stay. Cullen had been visiting her a lot during the night recently, so she wouldn't risk him walking in on her sobbing like a child. Perhaps it was cowardly to hide in a corner like this, but she didn't give a shit.

It was uncomfortable to cry, but it wasn't so bad here, staring at the different books on the shelves as they rested in the green light. Scarlett might have picked out one to see what it said, but she'd have to calm herself down, first.

Her eyes were still teary, and her head felt like shit. There weren't any tissues down here, dammit. She couldn't wipe her nose on the cobwebs, so her sleeve had to do. Her shirt was due for a wash, anyway. She sniffled-

A noise.

A slight sound of the floor, maybe from feet?

She held her breath.

Her head whipped to the entrance and if she hadn't frozen in place she might've gotten up and hid behind the desk. The huge-ass book would've blocked her from anyone's sight. There wasn't another noise, though, and Scarlett breathed again after a few moments of silence. Maker, she was paranoid.

Why did she have to react this way?

It was as if the world would end if someone saw her like this. The thought shouldn't have been so terrifying.

Why was she so afraid?

 

There wasn't a way to stop it again. She braced herself for the tears to fall and soak her cheeks once more, but found nothing. To her confusion, there were no tears, but only dry, pitiful sobs. In a few minutes, her head would hurt even worse than when she had a hangover, but the thought didn't help her stop. Her sleeve was going to be covered in snot at this rate. That and she was fully shaking now, hugging herself, desperately trying to keep steady.

Her feet tapped rapidly against the stone since they wouldn't stay still either. It was difficult to gather a sense of her surroundings, difficult to-

"Scarlett?"

No.

No, no, no, no.

She stood up just before he turned the corner.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped harshly, voice wavering still. Her eyes were bloodshot, cheeks wet, and he could see that. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"I was look- Are you alright?" he moved closer, quickly so.

"I'm fine, and I think you should get out."

"You're not fine-"

When he got to her she pushed him back with a considerably less-shaky hand clenched in a fist.

She shook her head and gritted her teeth, "No, no, no. I'm not doing this, Cullen-!"

He grabbed her by the back of her arms and Scarlett was surprised by the sudden force. She fought his grip and pulled away, blabbing and rambling with any kinds of words that'd get him off of her now. One of his hands moved to her back and at that point, it was useless to fight. He was stronger than her physically, yet she resisted anyway.

"Cullen, let me go!"

She saw his gaze and those damned puppy-eyes, but there was something else in them. It was almost... determination? Persistence? He was worried. He was worried, and she was shoving him away forcibly like the monster she was. He just wanted to help. Scarlett didn't meet his eyes for long.

"Cullen, please. I can't-"

She gave up.

A hand over her mouth and the other curled into his chest, she collapsed into his touch. Her head fell into his shoulder as his grip softened significantly, and she sighed through the tears when his fingers raked through the hair at the back of her head. Slowly, he moved them down to the floor.

They sat in front of the chair as she cried in his arms, and while it was uncomfortable and horrifying at first, it was different. Her heart ached when he whispered adoring, comforting words in her ear. That it'd be alright, that he was here. Scarlett was scared, but she felt the fear gradually dwindle with every tender stroke on her back and head. She didn't like it, but not nearly as bad as she expected.

Nerianna never did this.

His lips graced the top of her head until he placed a gentle kiss there. She didn't resist when he held the nape of her neck, pulling her head out of his shoulder. He kissed her scalp, her forehead while his thumbs wiped away the tears on her freckled cheeks. The crying was minimal now, but her lips still trembled.

"Scarlett, look at me," he whispered against her forehead.

That was something she didn't think she could do. She was afraid of what his eyes would say if he did. Still clinging onto him, eyes shut, she shook her head.

"Please?" his tone made her feel horrible for not wanting to. Bracing herself, she slowly lifted her head, but didn't meet his gaze. Cullen was looking at her expectantly. Scarlett could feel it, but she was more content to stare anywhere else that wasn't on him, even where her hands had found their way onto his chest. It was uncomfortable, him staring at her red, puffy face stained with the evidence of her crying. And it was probably in that stupid, sappy, puppy-eyed way he did whenever they had horrible emotional talks.

The crying was over and she didn't like him being here anymore, as much as she did when he first came in. She took her hands off of him abruptly.

"What are you doing?" she asked, briefly glancing up at him before moving her gaze back to the side. That look in his eyes was there, of course.

"What do you mean?"

What do you think I fucking mean?

It's like he had absolutely no idea what she could be talking about. Scarlett finally managed to hold gaze for more than ten seconds, and only saw pure confusion in his face.

"Sitting here, wallowing with me. You should go back to work-"

He grabbed her hands, "I'm staying right here."

She yanked them away, "I'm telling you, you should go somewhere else."

"You really don't want me here?"

Maybe...

The instincts she'd built up for years and years told her she didn't. That she'd like him to leave and forget he ever saw her like this.  Yet, she couldn't tell him no.

"Why do you want to sit here and watch me cry like a little baby?" Her voice didn't tremble anymore, and it suddenly was more demanding.

"You're not a baby."

"Well, I fucking feel like one."

Cullen huffed and released her hands. He wasn't looking at her anymore, finally, and she took the chance to study him better. Except now, he almost seemed angry. Scarlett took him standing up as a sign he might actually do what she suggested and leave, but instead, he grabbed her by her forearm and pulled her up. While she felt like resisting, her body couldn't do it, and she let him move her into the dusty chair by the desk.

Cullen kneeled down in front of her and she braced herself for more questions, more talking. The hand in hers went to her knee and squeezed, and the touch would be more comforting if he wasn't shaking his head, clenching his jaw. He was thinking long and hard about what to say next. If he'd just understand that she'd like to be left alone for once-

"As for why, maybe it's because I care about you?"

His tone was accusing, eyes hurting, and Scarlett couldn't bear to look away from him anymore.

"Maybe because I don't want you to be in pain. Because I want to help you? Did you think about that?"

No...

"Maybe that's what people do in these sorts of things? They're there for each other when the other's hurting. They concern themselves with the other's problems. Weren't those your words?"

Yes...

"I'm staying because I want to be here for you like you are for me. Because I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you, because I love you-"

Cullen's mouth closed immediately. Where there could be a thousand thoughts running through her mind, Scarlett found none, staring at him blankly as the words reverberated in her head.

 

"I..."

He almost seemed scared. She was the one who'd been afraid, maybe afraid for nothing because if what he said was true...

"You-"

"I-Is that alright? Is that too fast or..."

Perhaps it was, but it didn't feel like it. It was an age since she ever heard those words, and still, she was having trouble processing them.

"It's okay. I'm... just trying to remember the last time someone said that to me."

No, she wasn't. Scarlett knew, but if she told him, his face would look ten times sadder than it did right now. Without counting her father's kiss-ups and Nerianna's elven, half-I love you, it was over a decade. Two decades. Twenty years. Was her mother the only one to love her up until right now?

"You... mean it?" she asked, though Cullen would never lie about something like this, "You're not just saying it because I'm-"

He shook his head rapidly, "No. No, of course not. I truly do love you."

She laughed. Or maybe more of a chuckle. A chuckle of complete and utter shock and bewilderment because holy shit Cullen loved her. He might have taken the laugh the wrong way, but hoped her uncontrollable grin told him otherwise. Scarlett looked back in his eyes and laughed again, and he seemed very confused, but oh well.

Cullen smiled with her before taking her hands back in his, "Listen to me for a moment."

That command didn't sound so bad anymore. She was still so overwhelmed, it was difficult to focus on what he was saying.

"I don't want you to hide," he squeezed her fingers, "Come to me with these problems."

She forced her head to nod, "I'll try to be better."

"I love you and I'm here for you, but I can’t be when you push me away."

He was right, of course. Why couldn't she have just been normal and accepted the help when she obviously needed it? Why were these things so difficult? All of a sudden, she felt like crying again because she felt so bad. There must be something wrong with her to have pushed away from such a man who loved her and treated her like no one else ever had.

Cullen went to stand up, squeezing her hands one more time before attempting to pull her up with him, but Scarlett didn't much feel like leaving right now. She didn't budge.

"C-Cullen?"

"Mhm?"

He kneeled back down as she considered asking him something she'd never even think of asking before.

"Can..."

Her eyes were watery again, and it was difficult to see the man on his knees before her clearly, but she wasn't looking in his eyes anyway. She couldn't, not while she asked him this.

"Is it okay if I just... cry for a little while?"

His face contorted with what looked like concern, yet also appreciation. He just nodded before pulling her back down to the floor with him. There, she curled back into his arms and didn't fight back any emotion that was swirling through her. Scarlett wanted so bad for it to feel comfortable, maybe even relaxed, but it didn't. It was still unpleasant and she still felt awkward about it. At least it wasn't as bad as the first time. The hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair was soothing, the soft breaths on her shoulder relieving.

Crying wouldn't be so scary anymore. Because there was this man here who didn't mind it, a man who loved her and wanted to see her happy. She smiled as the tears subsided, tracing patterns in Cullen's shoulder with a fingernail. By the time she calmed down, she'd finally processed what he'd said entirely. Scarlett pulled away, unafraid to look at him steadily since he first came down here.

"Better?" he smiled.

She nodded, but then she remembered something after her mind had grasped everything. Cullen loved her. Did she love him? Scarlett had no fucking idea. She obviously looked troubled again because he noticed instantly.

"What is it?”

"You said you love me, but...”

The words seemed to slip out of him easily, but Scarlett was having trouble even thinking about saying them.

“You don’t have to say it back," he told her softly.

She shook her head, “No, I should-“

“You don't have to. It’s alright if you’re unsure.”

Unsure was the word. She cared about Cullen more than anyone she's ever known, more than she probably ever cared about Nerianna. Was that love?

Had it really been that long? That she forgot what love is supposed to feel like?

“But you said it-“

“Scarlett, don't say it if you don't know.”

He leaned in and kissed her nose, and it gave her that butterfly feeling again. Maybe that was love. She'd have to rethink every little feeling she had for him and wonder whether it was or not. If he didn't mind that she was uncertain, then she didn't either. It was a relief.

She sighed wordlessly when he kissed her on the mouth. Perhaps it was the confession that changed it but something felt different that time. They'd locked lips hundreds of times, but this one just felt... deeper.

Scarlett held his cheek in one hand, the other ran over the strong muscles of his shoulder-

There was something wet. Wet and sticky. She pulled away from his lips, and her hand off his arm.

There was a good-sized wet spot on his shirt.

"Oh, I drooled all over your shoulder," she laughed, moving to dab it with her sleeve, "There's probably some snot, too."

He pushed her arm off, "Shirts can always be washed."

Well, that one would have to be unless he wanted it forever stained with Scarlett snot and tears.

Cullen pulled her up off the floor with him, "Come on, I'll take you to bed."

He wrapped an arm around her as they left the old library.

"Can you join me? Just for tonight?"

They'd already shared a bed once. Didn't hurt to ask.

"Of course,' he rubbed up and down her arm, pulling her closer even though they were walking.

That was a relief. The nightmares she'd been having after Adamant were worse than the every-now-and-then nightmares she'd usually have. The last thing she needed tonight was another bad dream. Having Cullen there would help her sleep, and not be afraid to fall asleep. She knew before, at the inn, that it helped him too. He didn't say anything, of course, but he seemed more lively the next day, more awake. 

They really should sleep together more often. Though, it was only a matter of time...

Chapter 53: Good Book?

Notes:

Here's something funny for the emotional pain that was last chapter

Chapter Text

 

Scarlett walked through the courtyard, greeted by an unusual sight. Cassandra was in her area by the dummies, but she wasn't hitting them or standing around aimlessly as she would. She was hunched over on a stool, and it wasn't until Scarlett got closer that she saw a book in the Seeker's hand.

She seemed so enraptured. It was rather amusing for Cassandra, so amusing Scarlett had to stop by and make fun of her.

"Good book?"

It took way longer than it should have for the Seeker to jolt up and slam the book closed. Scarlett wasn't intending to scare her, but damn it was funny. Especially when she ended up dropping the book altogether. It landed cover-up on the grass.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about."

It was funny when she was clearly embarrassed, too.

"Yes, because I suddenly went blind."

"Oh, that? Just.. reports. From Commander Cullen."

Even if she hadn't been hiding the cover of the book with her foot, that wouldn't have been believable.

"You're an excellent liar."

"It's of no interest to you, I'm certain."

"No? Really?"

Cassandra glared at her for a moment before rolling her eyes and moving to pick the book up off the ground.

"It's a book."

"I can see that."

She stared at the cover longingly, giddily.

"It's... one of Varric's tales, Swords and Shields. The latest chapter."

Ah.

"The latest chapter, meaning... you've read them all?"

"Not... since this all began. We've been busy!"

"That's just her favorite," popped in a familiar voice. Dorian.

Cassandra pointed a finger at him, "Nobody asked you, Tevinter."

He laughed, "I couldn't finish the last one you lent me. I actually feel dumber for having tried."

The Seeker shook her head. Scarlett had to admit, this side of her was pretty adorable.

"It's literature! Smutty... literature."

Smutty? She'd only read one chapter and if she knew there was sex, she might have delved further. Scarlett expected that from herself, but Cassandra?

Seeker Pentaghast reads smut- no, loves smut, written by Varric... The world really was coming to an end.

"Whatever you do, don't tell Varric," she told her. Because that'd be even more embarrassing. Hilarious, but embarrassing.

Scarlett smirked, "Maybe I should read that book."

Cassandra immediately shook her head, "You? No!"

She shook her head back, "Why not me?"

Why not indeed. Perhaps Varric really does write good smut?

"...You're the Inquisitor."

She instantly burst out laughing.

"The oh-holy Inquisitor can't even read about sex? Can I not talk about it either, let alone do it. You should hear about this one time I went to a Ferelden brothel. These women had the-"

"No."

"...biggest-"

"No. Spare me any details from your... brothel adventures."

Aw. That was a good story.

Cassandra gestured to the book again, "They're terrible. And magnificent. And this one ends in a cliffhanger. I know Varric is working on the next, he must be!"

She must have had some sort of revelation because her eyebrows rose and her face lit up.

"You! You could ask him to finish it! Command him to..."

What was it about being the Inquisitor?

"Oh? But should the Inquisitor be the one to do this? My pure, innocent eyes can't even read the words!"

The Seeker wasn't amused, "Always with the sarcasm..."

Well, Cassandra walked in on that one...

She opened the book, presumably to find her page. Then she turned around and sat back on her little stool.

"Pretend you don't know this about me."

Like hell she fucking would.

 

Scarlett almost wanted to run into the main hall she was so excited. But then Cassandra would've probably seen and knew exactly what she was doing.

"Varric! You're not going to believe this!"

He looked up from something he was working on; it looked like a letter, "Freckles?"

"Cassandra's waiting for the next issue of Swords and Shields," she stood in front of him on the other side of the table, smug as shit,.

The dwarf stared at her blankly, "I... I must have heard that wrong. It sounded like you just said that Cassandra read my books."

"She's a pretty big fan, in fact."

"Are we talking about the same Cassandra? Tall, grumpy Seeker? Likes stabbing things?"

She was about to laugh and agree, but Varric interrupted.

"Wait, did you say the romance serial," he huffed in amusement, "She'll be waiting for a while then. I haven't finished it and wasn't planning to. That book is easily the worst I've ever written. The last issue barely sold enough to pay for the ink."

"Well the tall, grumpy, Seeker seems to be hooked on it."

"And I honestly thought a hold in the sky was the weirdest thing that could happen. So.. you want me to finish writing the latest issue of my worst serial... for Cassandra."

Yes.

Varric shook his head, but smiled all the same, "That's such a terrible idea, I have to do it. On one condition: I get to be there when you give her the book."

"You've got a deal."

"I'll get to work, then," Varric put aside whatever letter he was writing and stood up, "You know, the fact that the book is just terrible just makes it more worthwhile, somehow."

 


 

Cullen was beyond relieved when Scarlett went back to her usual visits. She still didn't want to talk about what happened in the library, but said she was trying to do better. That's all he could ask.

He was just glad to see her back to normal, strutting into his office with that mischievous grin.

Cullen smiled brightly as he turned from his bookshelf, "Good morning."

"Apparently Cassandra likes romance novels."

She perched herself on his desk to face him, very excited by this fact for some reason.

"Does she?"

"Varric's no less. I might have interrupted her reading."

He raised a brow, "Was it Swords and Shields by chance?"

"...How did you know?"

"I also may have interrupted her at one point."

Scarlett laughed, "Then she certainly doesn't hide it very well."

There was a pause where they both didn't seem to know what to talk about next. Cullen just stared at her, her eyes, suddenly remembering how they looked glossed over with tears. Her freckled cheeks stained with the wetness he'd tried to wipe away as tenderly as he could. It was difficult not to think about it.

"Are... are you feeling alright?" he knew he shouldn't have asked.

"Cullen, don't start again-"

"I just want to ask," he sighed, "I'll stop bothering you about it."

"Good."

"For today."

She glared at him and he raised his eyebrows back.

"...Fine," she groaned, "I'm slowly learning to tolerate it."

Scarlett didn't seem to want to look at him anymore, settling for twiddling her fingers around his pen. He still stared at her, taking a moment to study just how beautiful she was. Cullen never forgot, but he didn't the chance to do so as often as he would have liked. Usually, he'd admire her hair, how red and wavy it was. How she never cared much to do anything with it other than brush it and let it flow. Her freckles that she obviously didn't love, but he loved them on her. He'd almost mesmerized the ones on her face: the especially dense spots on her nose, forehead, and upper cheeks. Cullen had seen the ones on her stomach, her legs when they stayed at the inn. More impure thoughts came into his mind when he wondered where else she had an abundance of freckles. Thoughts he didn't suppress, but felt a little strange about after he realized he got so lost in thought thinking about...

That was another part of her beauty to study, places he didn't focus on much until recently...

He caught himself looking at her ass on one too many occasions.

 

Though now, his mind was wandering to a faraway place as he unknowingly stared at her chest. He realized it a little too late, and when he looked back up, Scarlett was smiling back at him.

She laughed. He could barely think when she leaned back on the desk, not-so-subtly accentuating her... assets.

"You can look at them all you want, I don't mind."

Cullen scratched the back of his head, "I didn't mean to-"

She pulled him towards her by the waist, "Come here."

When she was about to kiss him, he pushed her back a little, just enough to move his hand up to her chin.

He stroked it slightly with his thumb as she looked up at him with gorgeous, lidded eyes, "I love you."

Cullen didn't expect her to say it back anytime soon, but it couldn't hurt to remind her. Judging by her smile, she didn't mind at all.

They both sighed when their lips met. It wasn't so clear before, when they just started and everything was still so new, that Scarlett was especially gentle. He knew now. More gentle than he knew she could be. He always liked kissing her, but it almost felt as if she was holding back. Cullen didn't want her to. He pressed his lips against her harder, more urgent than she was used to with him. She laughed in the kiss, reciprocating the pressure. Small hands grabbed his breastplate and pulled him closer until he was standing in between her legs. Yes, closer was how he wanted her. Close enough to feel her against him, her breasts, her stomach, her hips. He remembered something he'd made out to do before, but hadn't gotten a chance.

Cullen took her bottom lip between his teeth, watching that always-smug expression fade into a new type of hunger. Her lips slammed back on his and it wasn't long before a tongue was sliding on the roof of his mouth. At that point, he couldn't think, couldn't breathe as he let her tongue work it's marvelous ministrations. Maker, it felt heavenly. He wondered what else her tongue could do-

Scarlett pulled back suddenly after one last peck, "I hate to be the one to ruin our fun, but I have to leave."

Cullen backed up so she could get off the desk, "Usually I'm the one that always ruins the moment."

She smacked him on the arm.

"I have to talk to Leliana. She has more information about Sahrnia and I put her off all evening yesterday."

She made to leave, but he whipped around in her direction,

"You put off Samson?"

She turned around and just shrugged, "...I was tired. Besides, I'm going to talk to her now."

"Any information she has is important to know even beforehand for preparation," Cullen stepped towards her again, "It's extremely dangerous what you're doing with Samson and you need to be careful. That armor is dangerous and with the red lyrium at his disposal... You're leaving in two days and-"

"And it'll be fine. We're there to disrupt red lyrium shipments, not fight a fucking dragon."

He glared, "Scarlett-"

She glared back, "Cullen. Stop worrying. I've just fought a humongous nightmare demon in the ass-end depths of the fade, I think I'll be fine against a couple of Red Templars. Unless you think I'm that incapable?"

With their plan to take Samson down finally being put into action, Cullen found yet another thing to be stressed about after he was able to stop worrying about Adamant. After she fell... he couldn't help but think something else could happen. It'd be better if he could go with her, but she wasn't incapable. Though, he mostly had only Bull and Varric's word on that.

"N-No! I don't..."

He hoped that'd be enough to convince, but Scarlett gave him a look that said she expected more.

"...Do you?"

"...Of course not," he sighed, "You know I worry for you. I know you'll be with your friends. It's just..."

She moved in front him, grabbing each of his forearms in her hands.

"I'll always come back. I'm entirely too stubborn and arrogant to die."

Cullen huffed, "If only that guaranteed survival-"

He planned to ramble some more, but was cut off when her lips were against his again. Unfortunately, that kiss didn't last as long.

She pulled back, smiling giddily before lightly slapping him twice on the cheek, "Go back to work and stop stressing."

Easier said than done. Still, she wasn't entirely wrong. He needed to get back to working on whatever in the world he was doing before she came in.

"Is that an order, Inquisitor?" he asked sensuously while she made her way to the door.

"It can be," she softly bit her lip, "That is, if you like following orders," then closed the door behind her.

Cullen wouldn't have thought too much of that statement, but when she said it in that sultry way, all coherent thought left him. That and something inside him just... ignited whenever she bit her lip. And to think he'd just done the same to her not even five minutes ago.

It was getting hot in his tower, which was rare considering his roof was open and they lived in the mountains. Now, this was new. A new sensation, something that made him happy, curious, excited.

He rather liked the feeling.

 

Chapter 54: Carried Away (Slight NSFW)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Cullen wasn't in his office. When Scarlett walked in, it was silent other than the sound of the door closing behind her. It may have been mid-evening, but that usually didn't mean he wasn't working. Sometimes he worked too long. She was about to leave and look for him, but then there was a faint groan coming from upstairs.

"Cullen?"

"...Hi."

His greeting sounded strained, a little muffled. Scarlett started up the ladder.

"What are you doing up here so early?"

As she reached the top, she understood why. Cullen was curled into a ball at the head of his bead, head buried in between his knees, rocking back and forth. He was shirtless too, and while Scarlett would have made a flirty comment at any other time, he obviously wasn't in the mood right now...

"Are you alright?"

Though he must've heard her footsteps, felt her presence as she sat in front of him, he didn't respond. This damned withdrawal...

"Cullen, let me use my magic."

She touched one of the shaking arms concealing part of his head, urging him to look up. He did so rather easily, but didn't look at her. It was so clear in his face that he was in pain and it hurt to see him like this. Scarlett made her hands grow cold before placing one on his forehead. He hummed in approval at the touch and instantly closed his eyes.

They stayed like that for a time as the trembling in his body subsiding and the heat radiating from his head dwindled. It never failed to surprise her how quickly her touch could soothe him. She studied his relaxing face, those lips curling into a smile, that scar...

She loved it when he smiled. It never crossed her mind much before, but when he smiled it was as if the world grew just a little bit brighter. And the fact that she made him smile made it even better.

Scarlett was confused when he suddenly moved her hand aside, even more confused when he dropped his head down onto her shoulder. She couldn't very well do her magic while he was like this. He had a headache, right?

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

Cullen huffed in amusement, "Can I not have you hold me too?"

Oh. Okay...

She tentatively wrapped her arms around his naked back, but his pulled her in much tighter. This wasn't something she was used too. As if Nerianna would have ever let her do this. Though, this was so much better than if it was Nerianna. It wasn't even that she could feel the hardened muscles of his shoulders, but it was certainly a benefit.

They didn't stay like that for long, and Cullen sighed deeply before pulling away, "Thank you. I'm sorry if I worried you."

His hands made their way down her arms and Scarlett wished she wasn't wearing her damned long sleeves...

She grinned, "You didn't. And you know I'd do this anytime."

"But I mean it," they held her wrists and squeezed gently, "You just saved me from a horrible night."

"And I mean it to. I'm here to help you. You think I'm just going to leave you here in pain?"

Oh shit...

Scarlett stared down, mouth slightly open in shock and realization because holy shit.

She was a hypocrite. The biggest fucking hypocrite in all of Thedas. It took something so simple as a withdrawal spell to bring her head out of her ass and wake up. Well, she'd woken up a little since the incident in the library, but now it was impossibly clear she was an idiot.

"Fuck..."

She sighed and slapped her forehead, "I'm so stupid."

He gently pulled her hand away from her face, "No, you're not."

"How do you have all this figured out so easily?" she blurted.

"Have what figured out?"

What did he think she meant? The stuff she'd been struggling with since even before their relationship...

"...Feelings. Emotions. I try as hard as I can but I still don't know how to-"

"I told you it's alright."

Sure, sure. It won't be 'alright' forever though.

"Well, you still didn't answer my question."

"How do I have things figured out?"

She nodded.

He briefly tossed his hands up, huffing as he smiled, "I'm as new to 'feelings' as you are. More new, really."

"It doesn't feel like it."

If he was so new, why did it take him less time to sort out his feelings?

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to figure it out."

"You will. However long it takes."

It'd be easier to argue if he wasn't shirtless, if he didn't have those damned arms, abs...

Even if she had the urge to say something contradicting, he didn't let her as he pulled her in for a kiss. It was a little too quick for her tastes.

Cullen made up for it when he licked his lips, "Have you been drinking?"

"A little," she scrunched her brows, "It's evening, after all."

As if he expected her not to have had a drink.

He eyed at her accusingly, but teasing, "So you came up here with-"

"A glass of wine isn't nearly enough to get me drunk, ser. Do you think I'd be able to talk about any of this coherently if I weren't sober?"

"Fair."

She poked his stomach, "You should have a drink with me and Dorian, sometime. I would love to see you drunk at least once."

"Now there is no way that's happening," he laughed, leaning back against the headboard. Whether he wanted to drink or not, she was glad to see him in a better mood already. Her magic really worked wonders.

"Oh, why not? Next week? We could do fun stuff after..."

"And there is one just reason as to why not."

Scarlett looked at him steadily, "...I'm just teasing you."

"I know. I'm just saying I'd much rather have that time be when we're both plenty sober."

He got up and opened one of the drawers on his dresser. Probably trying to delude what he just said.

"So you've thought about it?" she said fake-surprised, "Commander, I'm shocked. Whatever happened to the pure, innocent Chantry boy I knew so well?"

He glanced over at her, "You make it rather difficult to not think about it,"

Cullen pulled out a shirt to cover up, she supposed. Oh but how she wished he wouldn't.

"Good. Maybe I can convince you to drink the same way."

He shook his head, "I don't like much wine, or vodka."

"Now how did you know I like vodka?" she raised a brow.

Slowly and almost sultry, he leaned over her, hands on each of her thighs.

"Because I've had it. I know what it tastes like and I know you've had more than a glass of wine."

He closed his statement with another peck to her lips.

"A glass of wine and two shots," Scarlett admitted, "Still, it doesn't make a dent."

Cullen laughed, finally pulling the shirt he grabbed over his head, "Mhm. Come on, let's go back down."

He tried to grab a hand and lead her toward the ladder, but she didn't budge.

"What, you have work still?"

"Just a few things to finish up," he wasn't waiting for her and went to begin climbing down, but she wouldn't have it.

Scarlett leaned back on her hands, "Oh, please. You can relax with me up here for the night, can't you?"

Cullen looked back at her, understanding her intent, and walked back over, thank the Maker.  He crossed his arms in that serious Commander way she'd rarely seen before when he wasn't with his men.

It was pretty hot in this setting, "I thought you wanted me to get drinks with you?"

"That can be for later. But for now you can take that shirt back off..."

She was testing the waters, expecting such a demand to put him off for a moment, make him uneasy. There was nothing in his eyes that suggested it. He just stared at her for a little while, maintaining that sly smirk that only accentuated that fucking scar...

She was his superior after all...

He obeyed, pulling the article of clothing over his head.

But then he started... folding?

She fought the urge to chuckle as he carefully folded the shirt and placed it back in the drawer. Her face must've showed her amusement because he looked confused.

"What? Did I do something?"

While she entirely expected his new-found confidence to make him throw the shirt to the other side of the room. Ball it up and toss it in the lustful way she most definitely would've, Scarlett didn't care.

She smiled at him brightly, pulling him down onto the bed with her, "Just come here."

 

In a very short amount of time, Cullen's tongue was in her mouth and she had made her way on top, running her fingers along the back of his head and down his neck. Even better, a curious hand of his felt her ass underneath her clothes. A curiosity that she loved. Her free hand felt along the strong line of his abs, up towards his pecs and he jolted when her fingers barely brushed a nipple.

Scarlett pulled back instantly, "Sorry."

"It just surprised me, is all."

He almost yanked her head back in and crushed his lips against hers. Though, the reaction reminded her that this was all happening very fast for him, made her wonder what brought about this sudden change in behavior.

She had to pull away again, "Cullen, is this is okay?"

"Of course," he nodded, and it wasn't quite as affirming as she wanted, but the look in his eyes told her he was serious. So she didn't pull back that time when he connected their lips again. They stayed like that for a few moments longer, reveling in the feeling of their bodies against each other, even with the unnecessary layers of clothing, the way their lips melded together. It was so different from their first kiss clumsy and rushed. Their lips and tongues knew each other now, took their time and felt every lingering sensation.

Other senses came to light when Cullen's hands fumbled with the buttons on her shirt. She wasn't quite sure if he knew what he was doing right now, but that didn't stop her from helping him out. In seconds it was on the ground somewhere and his palms were gripping the bare skin. He leaned back a moment, maybe to pause, but also to study what was just revealed to him. Parts he'd seen before, but only briefly.

Scarlett watched him, their heavy breathing the only sounds to be heard as he looked her. He could see all the freckles that were trying to take over the skin of her stomach, the ones that made a trail across her collarbones and down the dip in her breasts.

She almost felt insecure, but any troubling thoughts were interrupted when he grabbed her hips and flipped them over, silenced when his mouth made contact with her neck, sucking and biting. It thrilled her to think she may even have a not-so-suspicious purple mark on her lower neck tomorrow with the amount of vigor Cullen was putting into his kisses.

While she was focusing on the sweet, pleasured pain in her, neck, she almost didn't notice rough fingertips and palms were on a breast. But she certainly did now, watching those rough fingertips feel the soft skin. Scarlett gripped his arm and couldn't stop the moan from escaping-

"Commander! Are you in there?!"

Andraste's fucking tits.

He propped himself on an elbow and Scarlett could finally see his face, more flushed and rosy than she'd ever seen.

"What?!"

The boy noticed the annoyance in his tone, "S-Sister Leliana wanted a quick word, ser. She said it was urgent."

Cullen groaned, and she groaned in turn when he removed both hands from her. It was rather amusing to see him get mad at any of his soldiers.

"Do you happen to know where the Inquisitor is, too?"

"Haven't seen her!" she said loud enough so that anyone around his tower could likely hear.

The messenger didn't say anything after that. He probably left in embarrassment.

Scarlett laughed, but Cullen didn't look as amused when he stood up and abruptly opened his drawer again.

"What are you doing?!" he blurted.

"Oh, come on," she sat up all the way, "It got him away, didn't it?"

He rolled his eyes, yanking that dreaded shirt over his head, "I don't want more gossip spreading through the barracks."

"I'm sure there are worse rumors about us than 'we may or may not have been in bed together'."

As he buttoned up, he stayed silent.

"Cullen?"

"Aren't you going to put you're shirt on?"

Rude.

"Hello?" she stood, crossing her arms over her chest, "The hell is your problem? You certainly liked me just a second ago."

"It's..."

He looked into her eyes, then back down like he was going to say something but didn't want to say it.

"I'm not mad or anything."

Scarlett tossed her arms up and began searching for wherever the hell she threw her shirt. She always thought women were more confusing than men when to came to this stuff, but she shouldn't have over-generalized.

It was fun to realize her shirt had fallen through the many holes and cracks in the floor, and was somewhere on the ground in his office.

"Well, fucking great."

Cullen whipped around and said coldly, "Great... I'm not mad?"

"No. My shirt fell through the floor."

Okay, what was his fucking problem? She walked back over to him because if he didn't want to say much, then she'd ask for more.

"Did I do something? Were you uncomfortable with anything becaus-"

"No! I wouldn't have..." he sighed, running his hand along the back of his head, "Nothing's wrong. I'm just being rude for no reason."

There was more, but he obviously wasn't going to talk about it. Nor did she really feel like prying if he was going to be short.

"Since you admitted it, I forgive you. Why don't we go to bed now, or are you still worried about rumors?"

"I still have to see Leliana."

"Leliana can wait."

She grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it gently before urging him back to the bed. He smiled softly and shook his head, kissing her one more time, but she had to break it so as not to forget-

"I really need to grab my shirt first."

Scarlett went for the ladder as she heard him chuckle.

 

Luckily, it wasn't dirty and it didn't smell like feet. She held it up, feeling rather exposed with her breasts nearly out in the middle of his office, "Now, this would definitely spark gossip."

 

Notes:

The smut is coming I promise... ;)

Chapter 55: Advice

Notes:

Thank you guys for almost 200 kudos and 6000 hits! I didn't expect this work to do that well with da4 on the way...

Chapter Text

 

Varric finished Swords and Shields sooner than Scarlett expected. He didn't come with her to Sahrnia for a reason, though Cassandra did. The day after they got back, he approached her and told her it was finished, while unedited, and ready to present to the Seeker. Scarlett had never been this excited about something that involved Cassandra. The battering ram of a woman whose look could call you a thousand insults and punch you in the face was about to be overjoyed by a romance novel.

She didn't look excited when the two approached, however, but that would surely change, "What have you done now?"

Varric just had the book by his side, but the dwarf's hand and the contents were shrouded by the tall grass.

He seemed excited, "I get it, Seeker. You're still sore after our spat."

"I am not a child, Varric," she spat, "Do not suggest I'm without reason."

"A peace offering: the next chapter of Swords and Shields. I hear you're a fan."

He extended out the novel, and the Seeker's face contorted with so many different emotions in the span of five seconds, Scarlett wasn't sure whether she'd squeal or scream.

Instead, she glared at her with that iconic, disapproving stare, "This is your doing."

"Oh yes," Scarlett immediately nodded, "Do you really think I'd miss this?"

Varric shrugged his shoulders, "Well, if you're not interested, you're not interested. Still needs editing, anyhow."

Though he began to walk away, Cassandra didn't let him get very far.

"Wait!"

He turned his head with a shit-eating grin, "You're probably wondering what happens to the knight-captain after the last chapter."

"Nothing should happen to her! She was falsely accused!"

"Well, it turns out the guardsmen-"

"DON'T TELL ME!"

She yanked the book out of his hand, concealing it in her grasp as if someone else was about to steal it from her. How adorable.

Varric cleared his throat, very satisfied, Scarlett was certain, "...This is the part where you thank the Inquisitor. I don't normally give sneak peaks, after all."

Cassandra faced away from her, staring at the cover with a look of pure joy she'd rarely seen.

She turned around and smiled, "I... thank you."

"Varric's the one you should be thanking," Scarlett motioned her head to the dwarf.

He bowed, "I am but a humble servant to my loyal readers."

"I wonder if I have time to read the first part?!"

"Don't forget to tell all your friends, if you have any any..."

He sighed in contentment finally walking away from the pair, "Completely worth it."

 

Cassandra sat down on her little reading stool, presumably ready to crack open the book and dive in, but Scarlett had to ask something first.

"I don't mean to spoil your excitement, but these books..."

She let out that nearly trademarked 'ugh' and rolled her eyes, "Yes? What of them?"

"So under that taciturn shell beats a true romantic heart."

"Why must it be an accusation? Romance is not the sole province of dithering ladies in frilly dresses. It is passion. It is being swept away by the pursuit of an ideal. What is not to like about that?"

That was even more adorable. Perhaps Scarlett shouldn't have sounded accusing.

"Don't get me wrong, I like this side of you."

The Seeker stared at her blankly. She didn't know what she'd meant by that, "...I don't swoon."

"Aw, sorry to hear that."

"Ugh."

"I should leave you to your romantic, 'pursuit of an ideal' books," Scarlett crossed her arms and backed away, intending to leave Cassandra to her precious reading time, "Have fun."

"You don't understand that, do you?"

She furrowed her brows and walked forward again, "What? Romance? I think I'm pretty well-informed in that area-"

"No. The 'ideal' part, the passion."

The Seeker telling her she doesn't know what passion is, like she was some child.

"I know about passion. I really should tell you about some of my brothel adventures and maybe you'll even get a lesson in-"

"I'm talking about emotion. Passion is not simply rushed sex in secluded closets."

Scarlett laughed, "Such dirty words, Seeker. I'm shocked."

Cassandra rolled her eyes, turning the book over to glance at the back, "But that's what you think passion is."

"No. It doesn't have to be rushed sex. You can do it on a bed, the floor, a wall? Get some binds or ropes?"

"You sound like Bull, and that proves my point."

Bull? Maybe a little like Dorian but not Bull. Besides, his people weren't the kind for dithering ladies in frilly dresses. Scarlett suddenly pictured a female Qunari in a dress and laughed inside. But her point was not proven, so she'd keep arguing.

"Bull told me himself the Qun don't have sex for love. At least I'm better than..."

Oh no.

How can she back up that point if she barely remembered loving anyone? Definitely not anyone she'd slept with. Cassandra knew more about love than she did. Varric's horrible romance serial probably gave her more information than all of what Scarlett had.

Scarlett sighed, "Shit."

The Seeker looked up from the back cover, "What?"

"I'm having a realization."

"Of course."

Scarlett hugged herself, thinking all kinds of existential questions she'd been putting off asking since forever.

But she asked Cassandra one of them, "Do... Do you know what love feels like?"

She looked confused, "You mean romantic love?"

"No shit."

"You don't know?"

"...I don't think so."

Scarlett almost wanted to cry. How could she have someone who told her he loved her, made her feel loved, but she was questioning what the emotion even was?

"Does Cullen love you?" Cassandra asked the question almost giddily, though that should be expected.

"Yes."

"He's told you?!"

"Yes?"

She stood up, practically dropping the precious book onto the stool, "Oh! That's wonderful!"

"You're supposed to be helping me right now because I have no fucking idea whether I love him back."

Was it just the way she was? After years of assault, shitty relationships and pointless hookups, did she forget so easily? Or was she simply incapable?

"What does your heart tell you?"

"My heart doesn't say very much."

Scarlett never understood those kinds of expressions.

"Not true. Why don't I ask you the important questions?"

She scoffed, "Like what?"

Cassandra thought for a moment. The things that she inquired weren't quite what she expected.

 

"Do you respect his opinions? Even ones you don't always agree with?"

Scarlett nodded, "I mean, we argue sometimes, but everyone does that."

 

"Do you accept him with all of his flaws and the he's ashamed he once was?"

"Of course."

 

"Do you want to stay with him after this is over? If we win against Corypheus or the Inquisition is disbanded?"

"These honestly sound like strange wedding vows."

"Well, do you?"

"Yes. I can't imagine being with anyone else."

Scarlett didn't know what the Seeker was doing when she suddenly stopped interrogating. Instead she just stared at her with a weird grin.

"What?"

"I think you love him."

"...That's it?"

So she passed her little test? A couple of basic, obvious questions decided whether she felt the big, gushy emotion of love?

"If you didn't, you wouldn't be so concerned about determining it."

That... made a lot of sense. Wow. Cassandra Pentaghast is the one who helped Scarlett figure out her complicated feelings. She expected such aid from Dorian, maybe even Leliana or Josephine, but not so much Cassandra. Though, it wasn't a bad surprise.

"How do know so much about this stuff? You're not that older than I am."

The Seeker chuckled, "I have loved someone."

She stared down, kicking the dirt lightly, but smiled gently. Scarlett braced herself because if Cassandra loved him, he couldn't have been here. If he had, Scarlett would've found out, probably, and teased her until they both grew tired of it.

"Only one man. A mage, with whom I adventured when I was still very young. He died at the Conclave."

There it was, "Oh, I'm sorry."

She shook her head and looked back up, "Don't let fear hold you back. If he truly does love you, there's no need to be afraid."

Cullen did love her. Even if she was unsure at first, it was impossible to be now. He doesn't hold back from his feelings often, and if he does, it's not for very long. So unlike her. Fear was always her problem, and it was always holding her back. The dumb demon in the fade was still right. Scarlett was strong, brave as she faced fade rifts, giant demons and nightmares, even Corypheus himself. Yet she was afraid of love?

"...Fuck me."

"Does Cullen tolerate your swearing as much as I don't believe he does?"

"You know, I was surprised at just how much he tolerated it."

Tolerated everything she found wrong about herself, really. Her stubbornness, occasional arrogance and bluntness. Her drinking habits which could probably use a little work, especially on nights where she had to work. Her relentless teasing about anything and everything, although she didn't consider that a bad thing, necessarily. Cullen didn't always agree with her opinions either, and it was difficult even before when their thoughts on mages clashed, but that wasn't going to stop her from caring about him. She treasured him despite his flaws. Needed him, really. Wanted him. And it was so much more than the physical.

Though she wanted that, too.

Scarlett hadn't noticed, but the Seeker had sat back down on her little stool, ready to open her book as she already had it turned to the first page. She was expecting Scarlett to say something else, maybe, but there wasn't a need.

She wasn't going to keep her from her reading anymore, "Read your smutty books. I'm going to think about... things."

 


 

Cullen didn't know what to do about his situation, but he soon realized there were better options than talking to Iron Bull. He hadn't meant to be rude and shove her off like he did, and he felt awful about it. Once the moment faded and he realized how carried away he'd gotten, his nerves spiked. It was difficult to react to how fast everything had happened. It was just unexpected, and Cullen needed to change that reaction, fix his anxiety.

There was work he could've been doing, but the issue wasn't going to stop bothering him until he did something. He approached Iron Bull as he was sparring with one of his chargers, the Tevinter. Though, it was just with wooden shields and the Qunari was clearly tiring the boy out.

"Bull. Might I have a word, or are you busy?"

The pair looked over at him and Bull immediately shook his head, "Nah. We were just finishing something up."

He dropped his shield on the ground, leaving Krem behind to wipe the sweat off his forehead and recover, "When I get back, I better see drinks, Krem!"

"Yes, chief," The boy said flatly.

 

Bull originally pulled Cullen off to the side not far from where they were sparring, but they were still plenty outside. It felt way too out in the open to talk about what he wanted to talk about. The Qunari was obviously confused and suggested his room as the location in response.

Cullen would've preferred his office, but there was more risk of interruption there... So he agreed.

Bull closed the door behind them, "You look nervous."

"I do?" Cullen scratched the back of his head.

"You do that to your neck when your're nervous. And tired, and grumpy, and annoyed. I might've thought you were any of those other things, but your face speaks more than your hands."

Cullen groaned.

Bull moved and sat on his bed, hand on one knee, "Why do you want to talk alone? Did I do something bad?"

"I don't want to talk about certain things out in the open," things his men would have a field day gossiping over if they overheard.

"...Huh?"

Cullen went to the other door, the one that led towards his tower, and peeked through to be sure no one was on the other side. When he saw no one there, he strolled back over to the Qunari on the bed. He couldn't help but notice the cheese wheel lying next to it.

"I was wondering if... If you could... could tell..."

He honestly didn't know what he was asking, or had very little idea. It was a... big topic, and there was no polite way to phrase any of it. Though, he was never going to get anywhere if he couldn't say anything.

"Give me..."

Bull stared at him curiously, "Usually, I'd be able to tell what you want from me, but you can't even get one full sentence out."

"Can you give me advice?" Cullen blurted, thank the Maker he got that out.

"Advice?"

"Yes," he hated that he even had to ask, "I need your... tips."

The Qunari threw his hands up, "Maybe I could help if you told me what 'advice' you need."

"It's..."

"You're not coming to me for combat tips. Commanding tips? Leading the chargers, I could give you some good ones. I've got a bunch of new ideas for training exercises..."

He knew this would happen. He knew Bull would ramble on about nonsense while the conversation went nowhere, and yet he came to him anyway.

"This one, oh, it's even better than the shields. It's not as big, and it won't even piss you off, I don't think. We've been practicing for weeks, and I think I've almost nailed the trajectory. See you-"

"I'm not talking about training exercises."

"So... other stuff? I'm not good with the other parts of your job. You have your fancy little positions, meetings and all that."

"I-"

"Or, you're finally going to admit I'm good leader? Are you just secretly trying to flatter me, you sly dog!"

"I'm talking about sex!"

Finally...

Why couldn't he have done that thirty seconds ago?

Bull looked at him blankly and suddenly the atmosphere was too awkward for comfort, "...With your guys? Didn't think you and boss'd be interested in that-"

"NO! Maker's Breath!"

"Oh, I see," Bull put a finger up, a wicked smile growing, "You want to... excite things? Spice things up rather than, I don't know, boring missionary and single orgasms. Too embarrassed to ask Josephine or one of the other merchants to place an order for toys."

He seemed way too excited about this, and all Cullen wanted him to do was just stop talking.

"I've got you. We're lucky we're in my room, I've got this stash here," he stood up immediately and went around to one of the dressers. Cullen wasn't curious as to the contents of any of those drawers.

"Maker, why didn't I just go to Dorian?"

Maybe the mage wouldn't have been much help either, but surely Cullen would've gotten the damned request out easier. Less side conversations to deal with.

Bull turned around, perplexed, "Dorian doesn't have any equipment, I'm the one who brings in the fun stuff."

"...You what?"

"For someone who prides himself on everything, he's so... tame. He hadn't even tried beads before I introduced him to them. Or, should I say in him."

There was nothing else he wanted to know about that last sentence.

"Shit," the Qunari grew wide-eyed, "You tell Scarlett I just said any of that and we're both dead."

Cullen was still trying to not process whatever beads were, and barely took note of what he told him.

"You and Dorian..."

"We have a thing, yeah and he doesn't want her to know about it right now."

"Why?"

Bull shrugged, "I don't know, and I didn't really want to ask about it either. I assume it's because she'll never let him hear the end of it until the end of time."

True.

"Just do me the biggest favor and don't tell boss. I'll give you any toy you want, pick anything."

Andraste's sake, he didn't want toys! "I- Ah. I won't tell her, and I don't want any... equipment," Cullen didn't have much knowledge on that area anyway.

"No? But-"

"All I want is some advice."

"On..."

"Sex?"

"What part?"

"It's just... you two have already..." If he could say anymore words without pauses or stutters, that'd be great, "...and I-I was hoping you could give me information on what... how..."

It was embarrassing to even think about asking Bull on how he should have sex with the woman he's in love with. Now that he was actually trying to complete the task, it was worse than he envisioned. Maybe he should've just ran with it without prior knowledge, but the practical, strategic side of his personality said that'd be a bad idea. Like any mission, assignment, or siege, you should have some information on what you'll be doing and how you'll accomplish your goal. Well, and where you'll be going of course, maybe some tips on the things you'll face while you're there.

Scarlett would be proud about the fact he just made an entire metaphor about sex.

Meanwhile, Bull on the other hand, clearly had no idea what was going on, "Cullen, you know her in that area better than I do."

"I don't," he groaned, "Maker's breath, we haven't done anything yet."

Now he understood, but his expression didn't look any less sly and scheming.

"Ah. I see," he laughed, rubbing his hands together, "You want to know what kinda stuff she likes, stuff she doesn't like."

Okay. Now we're on a better track.

"Well-"

"You want to seal the deal, do the... deed, but you don't where to start."

Cullen sighed in relief and nearly slapped his forehead, "Exactly. Finally, sweet Maker."

The Qunari thought for a moment before going on yet another ramble, "You don't want to do anything we did, that'd be too similar and it wouldn't single out the experience. First, don't use binds and tie her up. Don't give her a massage or use lube, unless she needs it."

That was... quick.

"Don't bend her over on the bed, or wherever you do it."

"Wherever?"

Bull raised a brow, "You can fuck on more surfaces than a bed. My personal favorite is the wall, but you can't give someone a good massage on a wall, it's not the same. Not as relaxing. But, you know there's tables? The floor?"

This wasn't the advice Cullen thought he would get.

"You have that desk in your office, yeah? Just don't bend her over on that, not the first time anyway."

...his desk?

"Though, based on my," he cleared his throat, "prior knowledge, Scarlett's more of the kind to like being on top. Probably be best to let her ride at some point."

"Mhm."

"What else do you want, advice wise?"

Cullen couldn't look Bull in the eye if he tried, "I... don't know."

"Ah, and if you go... down. I think she likes little circles the most. Just stick your tongue-"

"I think I've had enough advice, thank you."

"Oh, come on, it's not gross. If you think that's gross, you're just a wimp."

Maker, when would this end?

"I didn't say it was- Ugh."

Bull was laughing hysterically now, and it didn't really help ease his mind, "All joking aside, just don't stress out so much about it. Half the point is to relax and take the edge off, and you can't do that when you're worrying about everything."

He had a point, but was speaking of it so casually Cullen didn't feel as relieved as he wanted to be.

"Well, shouldn't I have more information before I... do anything?"

Bull obviously didn't know what he meant, so Cullen was forced to clarify.

"When you're on an assignment, or a job in your case, you want to know more about what your dealing with."

"First, you shouldn't be comparing sex to a job. It's not anything like that, unless you're a prostitute."

"That... makes sense."

This Qunari was giving him a weird look, and Cullen didn't know what it meant. He stepped a little closer, that devilish expression fully faded into something that spoke more... concern? Understanding, even?

"Cullen, I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest."

Oh, no. He already knew what it was. When he scratched the back of his head again, he thought of what Bull just said about it and put his hand down immediately.

"Are you a virgin?"

"...No."

Bull didn't even saying him, just waiting because a Ben-Hassareth knew the true answer.

"...Maybe. But I'm not..."

'Not an idiot' were the first words that came to mind, but they didn't seem adequate, "I know what I'm doing."

"Just so long as you know where it goes, I think boss can provide you with the other details."

"I think I know where it goes," he said sarcastically, his tone much more annoyed than he intended.

Bull took note, "I don't think you need much advice. You want to stop talking about this?"

"Very much so."

He chuckled before his much bigger, stronger, and more tattooed arm wrapped around Cullen's shoulder, leading them both out of the cluttered bedroom.

"Alright. Come one then, let Krem and I tell you about the new training exercise we came up with."

The talk didn't help as much as he hoped, but the whole idea felt... grounded, not as intimidating anymore.

 

Chapter 56: Revelations (Slight NSFW)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Cullen suddenly felt a major gain in confidence. He thought the painful conversation with Iron Bull would've made him more tired, or short-tempered, but it was quite the opposite. Even if the Qunari didn't really help all that much, he felt less on edge. So less, in fact, that he had the courage to ask Scarlett if he could sleep in her quarters that night. The word sleep could imply other things, and he'd try to make that clear, if he could.

Cullen stripped himself of his heavy armor, going for something much more... practical, before heading towards the main hall.

It was scary because he gave the descision so little thought. He  barely thought at all, his head empty of words and only the emotions spiraling: excited, terrified, curious, and anxious. He simply followed where his legs were taking him, up the thousands of flights of stairs to the Inquisitor's quarters. Though, Cullen wasn't sure what he was going to do when he actually got there, but they'd figure it out, surely.

Heart beating fast and hands unable to stay still, he knocked on her door. A little too loud, but he couldn't help it, not when his nerves were spiking and anticipation building in his gut.

Scarlett opened the door, and the sight in front of him was breathtaking as always, maybe better than breathtaking. Better since she had on something that suited exactly how he was feeling right now: a silk robe, long, cream-colored, and just that tiny bit see-through. Her face was bare of any makeup, and even though she didn't wear much, you could still notice when she took it off.

She smiled at him curiously, "Hello."

The word caught in his throat as he tried to say it, and it ended up way too long for it to finally come out properly, "Hi."

Her brows furrowed and the chuckle she let out spoke confusion, "You look nervous."

Not again

"I... I'm not nervous."

Cullen wasn't going to think straight if she kept laughing like that. His heart was already fluttering enough.

"Sure," she grabbed both of his hands and said sarcastically, "And I'll just take your word on that."

He did have time to groan and roll his eyes before she pulled him through the door and up the stairs. When they made it up, he spotted an almost empty glass of wine on the corner of her desk that she immediately headed for. Cullen wanted her to be sober but...

Oh, Maker damn sobriety.

The overwhelming feeling in his gut was enough to make him feel a little drunk on it's own. All he needed to do now was let some words leave his mouth without them catching or breaking. He marched towards her with intent and she downed the last of the wine. He was stopped just as he opened his mouth,

"I wanted to talk to you, actually, so it's good you came to visit," she whipped around, and Cullen's feet froze in place. Was it about... the same thing? If so, then he'd thank the Maker he wouldn't have to start the conversation.

But it wasn't. The look in her eyes alone told him that, glancing from side to side, never able to fixate on one place for long. The tapping of fingernails against the desk and the way her mouth opened and closed.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

She looked back up at him like she'd fallen out of a trance, "Oh, no. Nothing like that."

"It's..." she took a deep breath and put the glass down, "A big thing."

"'A big thing'?"

"You know I'm not good at describing shit."

He chuckled.

"I want to talk about a thing, but I don't even know how to phrase it."

Cullen felt the exact same way, though about different things, presumably. Maybe he could help if she gave some sort of hint to what she was getting at. He leaned next to her on her desk, waiting patiently as she stared at the floor.

"Can I just be blunt?"

"Aren't you always blunt?" he teased.

She cocked her head to the side, "Well, yes, but that's beside the point."

Scarlett stepped in front of him, arms crossed in front of chest. Cullen assumed this would be a 'sappy and emotional' talk she wanted to have. She didn't act like this in any other occasion, though she seemed less on edge.

"This is different. What we have here. It's... bigger than anything I've ever..."

She groaned and rubbed her face with her palms, bringing her fingers up to run through her scalp, "I'm so bad at this."

"Then be blunt, like you said you would."

Seemingly in agreement, she nodded. Her hands dropped to her sides and she smiled uneasily before swallowing hard.

Scarlett looked at him steadily for the first time since she started talking, "...I love you too."

 

It was like a weight had been lifted from her. Her shoulders relaxed, and she let out a long sigh of relief, “I did it.”

She looked down at the ground before a small laugh escaped her lips. Similar to the one when he first told her that, one of complete and utter shock. Like she'd even surprised herself, not just him. Cullen was surprised beyond measure.

She'd been gone for a while in Sahrnia, but it still felt so soon...

“A-Are you certain?”

He instantly regretted asking that. Her expression of joy quickly changed into concern.

“...Yes?” Scarlett tensed up again, “Do... do you not believe me?”

“You just...”

“D-Did I do it wrong?”

That question made his heart ache. She was worried now, she was already worried and he just made it worse by causing her to think she did something wrong. Sometimes, it was difficult to remember none of this was easy for her. His emotions were clear to him, most of the time, but the picture was blurrier in her eyes. Now, she was seeing clearly and he was about to ruin it all.

Cullen shook his head and moved close enough to touch, “No, no. Of course you didn’t.”

Before Scarlett could argue, he brought his arms around her waist and pulled her into his chest, squeezing her tight. Perhaps to communicate he was sorry for doubting, even if for a split second.

She returned the embrace, but her body was still tense as he held her, “So you believe me? I thought about it a lot, all while we were in Orlais and on the way back, I've thought about it.”

Cullen felt horrible he caused her to feel this way, that she had to reassure him.

“And I mean it, I’m not just saying it because you did or anything. Cassandra even gave me advice with it earlier today, and it actually really helped me understand.”

He pulled back, hands moving to cup each of her cheeks. Not as gentle as he could've been. Enough to tell her he meant what he was about to say,

“I love you, and I believe you.”

That look of concern slowly went away, and Cullen was relieved. He held her face, caressing her freckled cheeks with his thumbs until a small smile formed across her lips. Those gorgeous pink lips...

He brought his own to meet her forehead before gently placing them on her lips. The kiss was long and slow, and Cullen tried to feel every sensation the feeling of their lips joined gave him. The hands on his neck, the ones feeling the soft skin of her cheeks, the taste of her mouth which never failed to comfort him. Reveling in her confession, that she loved him. Now, he loved her as she loved him and it made every feeling so much more. Scarlett pulled back sooner than he'd have liked.

Her forehead fell against his and Cullen listened to the steady sound of her breathing as she spoke, “It’s strange...”

“What?” he lifted his head up slightly to put yet another kiss on the bridge of her nose.

“I thought I almost forgot what love even felt like.”

Thought was the word because she could've never forgotten. Even if she did believe it possible for her, Cullen wouldn't have.

She lifted her head to look at him again, “What’s worse is that I might’ve been okay with that if it weren’t for you."

His brows furrowed, and hands dropped from her face down to her waist, caressing softly, “You would’ve found someone else.”

“You think? Someone who can put up with my intolerable stubbornness and recklessness.”

“Better than the tortured Commander struggling with lyrium addiction.”

She lightly smacked him on the stomach. Cullen still didn't agree.

“You would have found a man," he paused before he forgot, "...or woman without withdrawal, someone who wasn’t as broken.”

Though the thought of Scarlett being with someone else made his blood begin to boil, he couldn't see how such a strong and beautiful person as she was would end up alone. The grip on her waist grew tighter.

“You’re not, and you’re still wrong.”

She took notice when Cullen's hands moved to firmly grasp her hips. The hitch in her breath made him want to kiss her again right then.

“I couldn’t have been with anyone else. It would have never been the same.”

“Why?”

He was being short because he wanted her to stop arguing and move on to... other activities. Though, he was curious to find out the answer.

She lifted a hand, running a gentle thumb over his top lip until it met the scar, “They wouldn’t be you.”

Cullen kissed her again almost instantly. He couldn't help himself, not when she was speaking about her emotions so openly, more than ever before. Telling him that she loved him. That she couldn't have loved anyone else but him. It was more than he deserved.

There was a hand on his chest pushing him back again, “Why did you come up here in the first place?”

Ah, of course. If she had been wearing more than undergarments and a silk robe, he might've forgotten. Though, it was as if this talk helped him even further. He thought about it for a moment, and quickly realized his new knowledge gave him more assurance than he'd already had.

His grip slowly moved lower, “I had... much different intentions, but I’m certainly glad we talked.”

When his hand found itself on a much curvier, rounder part of her body, he was fully aware of how little the robe covered her skin with it's very thin fabric.

“That tone," her fingers curled into his shirt, "What intentions do you mean, Commander.”

“Much less... pure.”

She giggled, a completely adorable and otherwise head-spinning way before Cullen kissed her again. This time, he was feeling her without hesitation or doubt, no concerning thoughts lingering in the back of his mind as he gripped her bottom hard through the fabric. There was nothing else to doubt. They loved each other, and that was all they needed. His other hand moved along the skin just below her neck, pulling the edge of the garment down gently.

Scarlett wasn't so gentle.

She nibbled at his bottom lip, fumbling with the edge of his shirt and pulling it out where it was tucked into his trousers. Her tongue slid against the roof of his mouth, almost claiming it, and Cullen didn't mind that at all, While it was amazing, the feel of her skin, the familiar dance of their lips, he needed to touch more places than those bare minimums. Kiss her in different places, undiscovered places that he was begging to explore.

He pulled from her lips abruptly, “I love you so much," and his mouth trailed downwards to her jawline, her neck, which he'd only kissed a few time before, but Maker did he need to do it more often. The short sighs she realized told him she liked it.

“I love-" she moaned, loudly, when his lips went upwards, just underneath her ear, "...you too.”

It spurred him on further, and he kissed that spot with abandon.

It obviously felt good to her, maybe a little too good because her knees began to buckle underneath her. More beautiful noises escaped her as he tried to keep themselves upright, but there wasn't no point. Cullen pulled her down to the floor with him, or maybe it was more of a fall, though, she still followed gladly, straddling his hips as he found that spot again.

Her sweet spot... and he'd remember it.

And if she'd make these noises every time, he wouldn't want to stop.

Scarlett almost went limp above him, soft hands barely pressing enough on his chest to keep herself from collapsing on him. It probably didn't help that he was still kneading her bottom with his fingers, tugging the robe down more and more with each strangled groan. How could a man as with not even a hint of sexual experience cause a woman of such caliber to react this way? It was so much, so much, yet so little at the same time, everything and yet nothing.

His tongue wanted a taste, too, and he licked with just as much urgency.

“-Cullen!”

He pulled back immediately, looking at her questioningly, “Hm?”

Maker's breath, that look in her eyes made him feel drunk. It was a little lost, a little hazy, but in every way intoxicating.

“What?” she asked breathlessly.

“You said my name.”

She raised a brow before laughing, and Cullen was confused: didn't she want something?

“Because I liked what you were doing. Now do it on the other side.”

A genuine, excited grin spread across his face as Cullen did what she asked, pushing her hair aside to give him better access.

He teased in between kisses, “Bossy, are we?”

“I am the Inquisitor. And you’re beneath me. Figuratively and literally.”

As he worshiped the side of her neck with urgency, Scarlett's hands were desperately attempting to feel underneath his shirt. He most definitely wasn't helping when his hands finally undid the blasted robe. The garment hung from her shoulders loosely, letting his hands explore below once again. Cullen would've given anything for her to take off the rest, namely what was covering her arse. Though, the article of clothing didn't cover it completely, and when he pinched an area of exposed skin with his thumb and forefinger, Scarlett yanked his face from her neck and brought her lips back down on his. She was moaning into his mouth and by then, he'd lost any and all composure he might've had. It was a hard, rough, and intense kiss, and before Cullen processed what he was doing, his hand was underneath her smalls, grabbing an entire cheek in his palm-

"Oh!"

Their lips parted instantly and they looked to the side. To Cullen's horror, there stood Leliana and Josephine, standing there shocked, yet also trying to contain their inevitable laughter.

What's worse was Scarlett was still on top of him and Cullen's hand was still very much in her smalls. It took an embarrassing amount of time for them to come to their senses and push the other away.

"Andraste's fucking tits!" Scarlett blurted, not even bothering to tie her robe again.

The two women were just... standing there, watching his and Scarlett's sad display of sitting on the ground, breathing heavily with angry expressions.

Josephine giggled with a hand over her mouth, "W- We didn't realize we were-"

Scarlett gave them her classic death-glare, "Can you leave?!"

Neither respond, still giggling their heads off. Leliana was pulling Josephine's forearm, urging her away, but the Ambassador's legs seemed unable to move.

Scarlett waited, and commanded even angrier, "NOW."

Josephine quickly nodded in agreement until Leliana finally managed to drag her towards the stairs again.

"We'll meet tomorrow in the war room, then," the spymaster said, still struggling to contain her laughter.

The ladies went back down, sniggering as they went, and Cullen couldn't help but ask, "Did you not think to knock?!"

Leliana huffed, "Don't be mad at us, one of you should've heard us coming."

Well, they were focused on... other matters.

When the door finally closed and Cullen regained his previous sense of security, Scarlett stood up, rolling her eyes, "That's my fault. I should've locked the door. In fact, I'm going to do that right now."

She ran down the stairs, body still very much revealed due to his clumsy untying of her robe, and he heard the door lock moments later. As she came back up, he saw that familiar, mischievous look in her eye. Though not as intense as it'd been just a moment ago.

"So..." Scarlett walked towards him in almost a funny way, bottom lip between her teeth, "Do you want to keep going?"

No. After that ordeal, he didn't feel much like doing anything. Thankfully, her indifferent tone told him it didn't matter whether he wanted to or not. The mood was completely soiled, but thankfully it wasn't his fault for once. Though, he still hated that feeling, and sighed in annoyance.

"I wish I did."

She smiled lazily, "I agree. Suddenly gets much less hot after your coworkers barge in. We can just go to sleep."

Fantastic idea. The rush was disappearing, leaving him more tired than when he first came up.

"You want to give me your shirt?"

Oh, right. Cullen walked over to her, taking it off, but hesitated after it came over his head. He let it rest on his arms as he thought. Why did he have to give her his shirt?

"You don't need to wear my shirt."

She raised a brow, "Well, I need to take this off. While they're amazing, they don't feel too great at the end of the day."

Scarlett pulled at the front of her breast band. Cullen was aware of the practicality-over-comfort of those things, especially in the field. She still didn't have to wear his shirt.

"I know."

He finally stripped of his shirt completely, before folding it lazily. Cullen hated when his clothes were wrinkly. He placed on the nightstand before looking back at her, that wicked expression forming once again. She reached around her back, slowly, almost teasingly, but paused. Her hands went to her sides and she walked over to the candle on her desk. He didn't know what she was doing at first, it was odd. At least, until she put it out with her ice magic, then moved on to the one on her shelf until the last lit candle was the one on the nightstand he just put his shirt on.

Understanding her intent, Cullen blew it out, and the only light left was the moon and stars. He made his way beneath the already-unmade sheets of her bed and waited. It was dim, too dim to see much but Scarlett's figure, a dark silhouette with a slightly blue hue. She went to the bed again before reaching around and undoing the clasp behind her back. The article of clothing found its' way on the floor somewhere as she slid next to him under the covers.

"You did that on purpose."

"Of course. You wanted to see them didn't you?"

"It doesn't matter to me."

She climbed over him slightly

"You can feel them, if you like."

The idea was so deliciously tempting. He'd touched them before when they were trapped in their confines, though that probably couldn't compare to how her breasts would feel bare.

Cullen resisted the urge. He didn't have to, she'd given permission, but waiting might have just made it that much sweeter later...

If she wanted to tease, so would he.

His fingers felt along her stomach gently, rising ever upwards slower and slower, making her breath hitch and body press closer to his own. It was obvious she was desperately attempting to control herself. That made what he did next even more cruel.

Fingertips barely brushed against the underside of a breast, the most gentle caress he could muster. Then his hand pulled away.

"I think I'd rather wait."

He put it underneath his head and smiled in satisfaction at the sight of a very annoyed look on her face. It looked hungry. Though, it didn't sway him.

She groaned, hitting him on the chest, "Fucking tease," before rolling on her back beside him.

Cullen chuckled.

"I didn't think you'd have something like that in you."

What could he say? His gain in confidence wasn't for naught.

"Neither did I."

They both laughed in unison.

Sleep overtook them not long after, even if Cullen wasn't allowed to hold her like he wanted to. He'd tried to wrap his arms around her stomach as she lay on her side, but Scarlett brushed his hands off and scooted away. She said it was "punishment". Well deserved, he supposed.

Cullen might've had a chance to take a quick peek at her breasts in the morning before she awoke, since she was clearly not a morning person, from what he observed. She slept in as late as she could. But he didn't get a chance. When he woke up, Scarlett was gone, the other side of the bed only slightly warm.

The pillows and sheets still smelled of her though, and that was enough to give him comfort until he got up too.

 

Notes:

Sorry to say, but my Dragon-Age-writing battery is almost officially dead for now. I'll definitely get the next chapter up soon for... reasons ;) but it may be until the end of the month until I call it finished. I think I'm gonna take a hiatus after that just to take a break and recharge. Don't worry though, I'm never going to leave forever lol. And again, thank you all so much for reading! It really does mean a lot to me!

Chapter 57: Here's Pure Smut (NSFW)

Notes:

I know it's been like a year and a half but anyway here's nearly 7,000 words worth of a smut chapter

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Scarlett hated having to leave so soon. Barely two days after her confession, another lead with Samson called her away from Skyhold again, and Cullen wouldn't let her turn it away if she'd tried. It was annoying how adamant he could be about preparations, but it only seemed worse when Samson was at the center. He was on top of it when it came to training, planning, and making sure she didn't wait till the last minute to gather her things like she usually did.

She loved him, but that didn't mean he couldn't be annoying. He was annoying, impossibly infuriating.

Though Cullen would've argued otherwise, Scarlett currently had a much more important goal of her own brewing. But to avoid fuss, she did as she had been told, shoving some clothes and other shit into her bag quickly before it was too late in the night. She'd never packed with so much urgency, but it couldn't be helped when she had another mission that needed attending to as soon as possible. It might've just happened to be in the Commander's bedroom...

Judging by the noise coming from inside his office, he was in a meeting. What she was pleased to see, though, was that the door had been left partially open with enough space for her to carefully slide in without making a hint of noise. After she did so, she leaned against the wall beside the door, smiling as she watched Cullen point around and read papers all concentrated and professional-like.

Luckily, it appeared that they were wrapping up.

"Rylen's men will monitor the situation."

"Yes, sir. We'll begin preparations at once."

"In the meantime, we'll send soldiers to-"

His eyes caught hers, and while she didn't give him a look, she toyed at her bottom lip with her thumb.

"A-Assist with the relief effort."

Scarlett never failed to notice how she impacted his composure, even during business meetings.

Cullen snapped out of it and addressed his men one last time, "That will be all."

Good. After he gave the order, everyone filed out, barely paying their Inquisitor much attention other than small nods and faint whispers of "your worship". When they were all gone and it was just the two of them, Cullen closed the door with both hands, leaning against it sluggishly.

"There's always something more, isn't there?" he sighed.

"Wishing we were somewhere else?"

He chuckled, "If you didn't have to leave, I would. Though, I barely found time to get away before."

Scarlett was ready to follow as he made for his desk, but he turned around,

"Speaking of which-"

"I packed my bag," she cut him off before he could rant or scold her, moving off the wall, "I sharpened my dagger, tuned my staff, didn't even go to the tavern, I came straight here. There's my whole night for you."

He was smiling in a teasing sort of way, "Did you actually pack-"

"Yes. I packed my bag early. I obeyed your every wish like the good little Inquisitor I am."

"Very funny."

"I know I am."

That smile stayed, but suddenly faded into something else just before he turned away again. Something tense and insecure. Scarlett caught it and sought out what it meant.

"What's wrong?"

Cullen shook his head before moving back to his desk, "I was thinking about... things."

"Now you sound like me when I'm about to be emotional," she approached him, carefully watching his movements, any other signs and indications of uncertainty.

"I want to ask you something before you leave... But I don't think you'll like it."

She raised a brow, "I'll be more inclined to talk about emotions if that's what you're worried about."

He still hadn't faced her yet, "It's not that. It's... bigger than that."

"Like... marriage?"

He stiffened and whipped around at that suggestion. She knew he wasn't proposing. She was very sarcastic and very mocking.

"Well, I wasn't-"

"What? Where's the ring? Is it in your pocket?"

Cullen sighed as he fully recognized her tone, "Maker's Breath, I don't have a ring. You know that."

"Then, I still don't know what you're talking about."

A fragment of a word left his lips, but stopped in its tracks.

He finally turned around, "I'm not speaking of marriage but..."

She gave him silence as her answer and a puzzled look, because it was obvious he wasn't talking about what she thought he was talking about.

"This war won't last forever..."

Obvious signs he was about to go on a tangent began: ritual pacing around his desk, occasional stuttering, all until he found something to keep his fingers busy and focused on that.

"When it started, I barely considered much beyond our survival, but things are different now."

"What do mean?" Scarlett stepped closer.

"I find myself wondering what will happen after, w-when this is over,"

She raised both brows with an ill-contented sigh, "I'll still be the Inquisitor, you the Commander."

"Not forever," he shook his head and turned again, "I know you you don't want this job forever."

She stared for a few seconds, "...I-I like my job. I have my friends, I have you."

"You don't have to lie me. All I'm asking is..."

Cullen couldn't seem to figure out what his legs or hands wanted to do. He had leaned against his desk one moment, then stood up the next, crossing and uncrossing his arms. Finally, he turned back around to stare aimlessly at a piece of paper, as if there was actually something on the paper other than scattered ink stains.

He scratched the back of his head, "I just don't know what you- that is, if you..."

Though his nerves and complete inability to phrase the question might have gotten in the way, Scarlett figured out what he was trying to ask. Her answer might have been harder to come by just a few months ago, but all he'd have to do is ask for the words to fall seamlessly from her lips. Easier than saying her name. Easier than saying his. She loved him, but did she want to stay with him? Beyond the lives they've made in the Inquisition, perhaps when there'll be no more Inquisition.

"Cullen, do you need to ask?" she grabbed his hand, maneuvering her way around him slowly and surely. She sat on his desk, as she had a thousand times before, but now she leaned back on her hands, watching his face, his slight movements as he processed what was happening.

"I suppose not."

Scarlett saw a clenched fist ever-slowing loosening it's grip, but still holding on. He's still restraining himself, but why?

She let his thoughts come to him and come out in hesitant stutters as she moved back further, practically begging him to pin her against the desk already, "I-I want-"

She barely felt the bottle against her hand before it was falling to the floor, crashing in a crescendo of broken glass and spilled wine. A bottle she'd brought in, of course, but now it'd be no good unless she was that desperate to drink floor wine.

Her eyes went back up to Cullen as his went back and forth from her and the floor. A mischievous look was brewing, and before she could ponder what it meant he'd leaned over her, shoving almost every bit of pen, paper, book, and scrap from his desk in one go.

She laughed at his sudden fervor, but it was quickly swallowed by his mouth as he moved her further onto the desk. Two pairs of hands clutched at each other, his nails dragging across the back of her head and her fingers beginning to undo the endless amounts of clasps and ties to his armor.

Maker, yes, was this finally happening?

The world around her became hazy after he slid his tongue against the roof of her mouth, but she did feel his hands move lower, grasping onto her hips and it took a moment to figure out what he was doing. When he tried pushing her down gently with an urging hand on her shoulder, she smiled into the kiss, understanding his intent.

Scarlett pulled away from his mouth to lay flat across his entire desk, sitting up on her elbows and staring up at him curiously as he climbed over her.

While this was completely unexpected, it didn't matter in the slightest to her. Especially when he sat up on his knees, continuing to strip off pieces of his armor with flushed cheeks and pupils darker than the night sky just beyond the windows. As she followed suit, cursing at the millions of buttons she was currently undoing on her shirt, she remembered something. She paused and looked around cautiously.

"Did you lock the doors?"

Cullen looked up at her, removing that blighted fur from his shoulders before shaking his head with a bothered expression. He went to get off the desk to complete the task but Scarlett stopped him with her legs, wrapping them around his hips. His eyes widened at the small motion but she couldn't concentrate on how she was making him feel just now.

She refrained from using her magic too often around him for fear it might bring up more bad memories, but she didn't think he'd mind right now as she locked each door with the little telekinetic knowledge she possessed. While she was at it, she unbuttoned the rest of her shirt with her free hand as fast as her fingers could move.

He chuckled as he heard each door lock one by one, "That comes in handy."

"Well, I'm not having any more interruptions."

Once she finished with her fucking annoying shirt, Cullen helped her with the last two buttons and took the liberty of tossing it to the side after she got the damned thing off of her, and it lay amongst the endless parchments and books that littered below. He didn't fold the shirt either, thank the Maker.

He had no plans to, apparently since his mind, or mouth, should she say, was too focused on feeling the gap between her breasts. The sight of him just below her head, tasting with his lips the endless valley of freckles as his hands yanked off her trousers was, as of that moment, the most erotic thing she'd ever seen in her life. She grabbed at his hair, hoping to unravel it into its perfect curls as she arched her hips closer to his.

The thought that she would rather be in control never lingered in the back of her mind like it typically would. As much as she wouldn't have minded if Cullen opted to switch and let her ride him, this was still better than everything because this was what he needed. He needed to take her the way he wanted to not just because he'd never done this before but because it'd show her what felt natural to him, let her see just what he wanted from her.

Now he wanted to keep ravishing her and it seemed that's what he wanted to do most whenever they were close like this, feel as much of her as he could almost as if something would take her away. As soon as the trousers were off his hand went to feel her through her smalls and holy shit the rush Scarlett felt when he did that could've caused a thousand fires. A groan escaped her in response to his fervor, and while his touch was very inexperienced, it was curious, and not in any way hesitant, which was just enough. He bit down gently on the side of a breast her band didn't quite cover before moving his lips upwards to the edge of her jawline. When he moved his hands from her heat and began to pull her smalls down by the seam, however, she pushed his hand away and sat up.

Cullen pulled back to lean on his knees, taking his hands off of her and looking down at her with confusion, "What, what are you-"

His words caught in his throat when she started undoing his own trousers and whispered, "I want to see you."

He let her do so and she did with pleasure, pulling his pants and underwear down in one strong tug. The breath he let out was low and unsteady, and Scarlett could say with complete and utter honesty she'd never been happier to see a dick in her entire life. The blush almost extended across all of his fucking gorgeous body now, and she assumed her freckles were darker than they'd ever been. She leaned back on her elbows, taking the entirety of him in as much as she could in those brief moments as she used the time to strip off her own smalls so he could see her too.

Neither moved for a few seconds. Even though Cullen still had his shirt on and Scarlett her breast band, even though both weren't entirely nude, it was still enough for both to take a moment to catch their breaths, after all that'd just happened in the last couple of minutes. It all happened so fast, yet it'd taken so long to get to this point, it was still so painstakingly slow.

Scarlett couldn't take it anymore.

Maker be damned, she wanted his hands on her, around, and inside her now. Or his cock inside her now. No, yesterday. There was a bed upstairs just underneath the stars where she could properly explore him later. She urged him forward rather harshly with her legs around his waist and he obliged happily, grabbing her hips with both hands and moving to lean over her again.

The first feeling of his tip against her entrance almost made her whine, but instead, she attempted to move him closer. As close as they could possibly be. Close enough that she pushed him halfway inside her a little clumsily, yet causing him to let out a fucking delicious moan of her name nevertheless. Scarlett stopped then, letting him push all the way into her without pressure from her since that wasn't what she was trying to do. Pressure him, however much she wanted him to slam inside her right now. She waited to confirm this was he wanted right now, and it most certainly was judging by that look in his eyes. It was unlike any other she'd seen.

When he finally did push to the hilt, she made a fractured noise, a mix of a gasp and a moan as she bit down hard on her lip. His teeth barely moved along her earlobe, seeking out her sweet spot now that he'd finally found it and her hands felt along the muscles of his upper back, decorated with scratches and scars, but still so firm and strong.

Looking up at Cullen just then, watching his face contort with as much as she hoped she was feeling right now, something felt so satisfyingly different. Scarlett leaned her head back down against the desk and let it wash over her. A glorious wave of not just pleasure and lust but love. Never had she had sex for love, never for the emotions and feelings she had for him.

Who knew it could feel like this. She certainly didn't, and if she had, she would've broken up with Nerianna long before they got too deep and sought out the feeling properly. Though it was all so different and new, she never wanted a causal hookup ever again.

And to think, this was how Cullen was feeling it for the first time. That's a dammed good first time...

It obviously seemed so, since with only a few deep thrusts in, his cock was already twitching inside her. He didn't feel like starting slow, a hard and steady pace forming quickly that had her whining and groaning with every hard thrust. She might've come from the penetration alone with how fucking intense it was, and it didn't help he'd just turned her head with a hand so he could better ravish that spot just underneath her ear. Her hands clutched his upper back, that fucking back that was toned but so clearly defined with muscles earned after years of training and fighting. She clung to it like a lifeline, wondering how she'd ever be able to let go.

On a particularly hard thrust, he bit down on her earlobe before muttering nonsense to her, the Maker, or Andraste, who fucking cares. When she let out a moan louder than any she had the whole time, Cullen let out a shaky breath onto her neck. He was unraveling quickly.

She thought he knew that, too, or at least it looked that way as he moved even quicker. He dragged a hand through the hair at the back of her head, pulling it as far back as it could go as he pulled his head away from her neck also, staring into her eyes. It was almost too intense to hold gaze and Scarlett was barely keeping hers eyes open until she snapped them closed when he struck that perfect spot inside her, whining his name. He pressed his sweaty forehead against her neck, and with a few more final, hard and delicious thrusts he was coming inside her.

"Maker's fucking breath."

That whisper almost made her finish with him.

His head fell into her shoulder where he began to come down from the high. The hands gripping her hip quickly loosened and Scarlett felt him stroke the area of her hip dips. Then she had a thought. That was the first time he'd ever said 'fuck' in any context. Ever.

She laughed not just at that fact, but it was also her body's natural response to everything that'd just occurred during the past ten minutes. Cullen lifted his head, eyes delirious but curious all the same.

"What?" he smiled.

Scarlett just continued to giggle, shaking her head.

"Did I do something?"

She held back anymore giggles, running her fingers through the hair at the back of his head, "Oh, yes you certainly did something."

She pulled him in for a brief, but full kiss before leaning her head back again.

"My filthy mouth has finally corrupted yours, I see."


 

Cullen let out a laugh of his own at the presumption. It was an appropriate time to let out such swears, he believed, but was happy to see it make her happy nonetheless. The high from his climax had fully dissipated and the completely overwhelming feeling sex had brought him had faded into something different, something softer.

He had been in a haze so blinding it overtook all his senses. Everything had been just her. Her and soft limbs wrapped around him, warm skin pressing into his own, and tight...

"You want to clean all this up?" she said sarcastically, and he groaned at the reminder.

Scarlett shifted, allowing him to slide out of her before she moved to stand up.

"Or we could leave the evidence of our passion for your men to clean up?"

"I'll do it," he stood up after, surveying the damages, "Maker knows what they would think."

"I think I'm going to go get comfortable," she said as she walked toward the ladder, and while he was picking up a stack of papers he could barely even think with the view she was giving him.

Then he stopped, "Wait, what?"

She had already grabbed the ladder before he processed what she was doing, "I haven't properly explored you yet, Commander."

And with that, she started up towards his bedroom. Cullen's chest tightened with a twinge of anxiety at that thought. She used the word explore. She was going to explore him, and that image was entirely too much until his mind went back to that night in Ferelden where'd he stopped her short of doing so fully. Her mouth on his neck, fingers tracing his scars.

He waited, wondering why he was now nervous all of a sudden, almost intimidated as he shuffled around with the mess around his desk. He'd faintly heard the sound of a form plopping onto a mattress. His mattress. Then something fell through the ceiling. A black piece of clothing, and he almost hadn't registered it was her breast band until it lay flat on the floor of his office.

"I'll let you see them now!" she called from above.

He nearly laughed and decided not to waste anymore time. Snatching up their clothes from the floor, he managed to carry everything on his shoulder as climbed the ladder, save for his coat and the clunky, metal pieces of his armor. When he got to the surface, he threw everything on the floor before his eyes met the glorious sight splayed out on his bed. His bed. Scarlett was on her stomach propped up on her elbows, kicking her legs back and forth and he had to focus carefully on the steps he was taking so he wouldn't trip over himself on the way to get to her. His expression probably compared to that of a drooling puppy.

"See something you like?"

"Only everything."

Slowly, tantalizingly, she flipped onto her back in the most filthy, sultry position he could've pictured, staring up at him expectantly. Maker, there were so many freckles. Cullen finally reached her and crushed his lips against hers, rolling over her immediately, covering her with his body. She broke away to pull his shirt over his head, the sole piece of clothing left between them. The realization and sensation was so satisfyingly overwhelming it almost blurred the quells of anxiety he had still. Before he could do anything else, a firm hand was on his shoulder, pushing him down next to her on the bed and she climbed over him slightly, but didn't straddle him.

Scarlett was raised enough above him though that he could see the patterns of her freckles he'd so badly wanted to explore himself. They increased in volume the further down the valley of her breasts, and it was only as he caught himself staring that he realized she was exploring a similar area on him. Her index finger danced on a small, but deep scar just underneath his right nipple. Her eyes were soft, relaxed, and mixed with complete and utter content, a unique meaning he hadn't yet seen from them.

"You can touch me," she said absent-mindedly, not even making eye contact, just focusing on the small scars that littered his chest.

Cullen then understood that it might've been strange that his hands were still and stiff down at his sides.

"Oh, just... anywhere?"

She looked amused at his asking before reaching down and taking his wrist in her hand.

"Anywhere you want."

His hand was lead toward a breast, and before his palm reached it she kissed him slowly, but fully, surely trying to speak affirmations of consent and encouragement. He didn't know why he'd become hesitant with her so soon, as if he hadn't just laid claim, touched her in most intimate places on his desk not ten minutes ago. He'd barely thought about anything on his desk, just seeing and feeling and tasting. In his bed, shrouded only by the soft sounds of the sheets and her breathing, the warm breathing of the beautiful form above him who thought he was worth exploring, he had time to think and process.

Currently processing the way her nipple felt in between his thumb and forefinger.

She broke the kiss, sighing into his mouth, "That's it."

Her head tilted back further, allowing him to see just what was causing such words. His hand released her breast, moving instead to stroke the gap in between.

"Are you going to comment on how many freckles I have?" she almost whispered.

Cullen brushed away some of the hair that was falling in front of her face, "I wasn't planning on it. Do others make comments?"

"Everyone usually has something to say."

That statement gave him another thought, another thing to consider in his processing.

"How... How many others have you been with before?"

She thought for a moment, "Eight? No, Bull's the ninth."

His expression must've spoken insecurity because she kissed the scar on his lip.

"Now you're the tenth..."

Her lips danced around his and he couldn't complain when her hands began an assault on his hair again, even if it was obvious she wanted the blighted curls to make an appearance. Cullen wasn't done thinking, though, and his mind went back to the conversation he'd had with the Qunari just a few days earlier.

"And Bull... was he-"

She pulled back.

"Was he better than me?"

All he got was a blank stare for a few, long moments where Scarlett was still holding the back of his head. He regretted letting the question slip his lips now. He was processing all the information at once now, his messy lack of experience versus her obvious easygoingness, his clumsy taking of her on his desk was just that: clumsy and entirely what he hadn't expected. The fact that a friend of hers had already seen her naked before him, who was known across Haven through Skyhold for his skills and expertise. The thought made his chest tighten.

"Wh- Why are you asking that?"

She couldn't even understand why he'd ask?

"I just don't know if, maybe I'm being foolish-"

"You are. Cullen, you don't have anything to be nervous about with me."

Her expression was more sincere than it'd been all night, and it finally began to quell more of his anxiety. He doubted himself, but inside he knew that Bull was nothing like him. Bull didn't love her the way Cullen did.

"Alright."

He initiated the kiss this time, which was much more gentle than many of the previous had been that evening. Throughout their talk, her adventurous hands never stopped, trailing over the lines of his upper arms, feeling his biceps and shoulder. His own hands were much less eager, but curious nonetheless when they traced along the curves of both breasts.

Cullen couldn't help himself. He latched his lips back onto that spot under her ear. The responses it summoned from her were addicting, small moans for him and only him.

"I love you."

He punctuated that statement with a nip at her jawline, and he was certain at that moment there wasn't a single area on her skin that wouldn't taste absolutely amazing. Her neck was just as wonderful, her collarbone...

"I... love you, too."

Scarlett hesitated a little too long to finish the thought. She hadn't said it as many times as he had, and it was obviously still difficult for her, but Cullen knew it'd only get easier with time.

He didn't know when they'd sat up, but he wasn't concentrating on that development when he noticed her hand was gently urging his head further down her body. He looked up briefly at her face, head tilted back and lips slightly parted.

With a hand around the middle of her back, he wrapped his mouth around a breast and her hand instantly stopped its urging, moving down to his upper back instead. It was like a silent command. A command he gladly obeyed, tongue swirling experimentally around a nipple. She whimpered softly and he suddenly wished it were louder.

He took a moment to shift how she was sat on his lap, more fully and secure, so he could better worship the other breast, and as his lips found it, his thigh was suddenly wet. The whimper she let out was much louder this time.

It was distracting enough that he felt her sex, wet and wanting against his leg, to make him pull away from his task, but Cullen also came to the conclusion that while she insisted he not worry about his inexperience, it didn't mean he should ignore it. She lifted herself off his leg slightly and he very much wanted her back where she was.

Scarlett swallowed, "Sorry I-"

"Did you... finish?"

He stared up at her with lidded eyes, Scarlett's being ten times wider.

"...No."

"Oh."

She rested her hands on his shoulders, "Women typically can't just from penetration alone."

"Ah."

That would've been helpful information.

"But, it's alright. You d-"

"No, that's not fair to you."

He attempted to move them so he'd be over her again, but she pushed him down by the shoulders enough to tell him to stay put. She deserved just as much if not more pleasure than he received.

"Sex isn't necessarily an exchange of services."

Cullen gripped her hips, "You deserve it. Let me..."

She raised her eyebrows curiously, "Let you make me come?"

That request couldn't have left his lips if he tried. He slowly nodded before connecting their lips again. Scarlett pushed him back down, but she remained upright, and the sight alone caused arousal to return to him again.

"But I don't know how-"

"That's alright, too. You'll pick up quickly."

A leg was on each side of him, spreading her just enough that absolutely nothing was left to the imagination. He'd already looked at her before, but now she was staring down at him expectantly, waiting for him to start doing something he didn't know how to start, and it was so much more intense.

"Touch me, Cullen."

The order made his breath hitch slightly, "But-"

"I just want to see what feels natural to you."

That... wasn't so bad. Natural. Not necessarily what would feel good, or bring her to release, but what he felt was right in the moment. How in Maker's name was she so patient with him?

One of the hands that still had a hold on her hip moved until it brushed ever so slightly against the patch of hair below her navel. If he drew this out any longer, he wouldn't be certain if he had the willpower to finish what he'd only barely started. Propped on an elbow, watching her expression carefully, he slid the pads of his fingertips across her entrance which was warm and slick beyond expectations. Her breaths came out shorter, but no change in demeanor there otherwise, not even when he curiously slipped a finger inside, surprised at how quickly it was welcomed.

She hummed and giggled a little, and like before, he thought maybe he'd done something wrong, or odd, but the more he thought about, he figured it was only her natural reaction to some things. It warmed his heart, nonetheless.

After a few more moments of experimenting with a finger inside her, he went to slip in another one, but she stopped him short with a hand on his wrist again.

"Was that not-"

"Shhh."

She led his hand up to his face before specifically holding onto the base of the finger that was inside her moments ago.

"You wanna taste it?"

Maker's breath, her words would be the death of him soon enough. He smiled and brought the finger into his mouth, savoring it only for a few moments, watching her expression grow more and more satisfied with her ministrations. It was only a few moments before she nearly yanked his hand back down to her sex.

With a long, open-mouthed kiss to his lips, his fingers felt an area just above her entrance, and her hand urged him to rub around it. Once he did, she sighed blissfully into his mouth before resting her head in his neck. He felt comfortable, slightly confident with her guidance, but once she released his hand entirely he was on his own. His fingers maintained the same rhythm she left him with, but was unsure where to go from there. The noises she made above him told him well enough that she enjoyed it, at least.

Cullen had tried not to conjure up memories of his and Bull's conversation, but he remembered what he said towards the end, about the "little circles". Maybe this is what he meant.

With firm, but controlled circles around the nub he felt, she moaned into his neck in the most delicious way he could imagine. She must not have been far from release before judging by the way her breaths came out only in quicks pants, hands almost unsure of where to go, moving their grip from his skin, to the sheets, to the pillows. Her hips moved against his hand, but were obviously being restrained from fully grinding down on his fingers.

At the moment he moved faster, just a little bit harder, she cried out into his neck before stilling a few seconds. The release was almost a little violent when she let out the loudest noise of the night, biting his neck before crashing her lips down on his, hard enough he felt the slightest bit of teeth. She grabbed his hand and slowed his movements and he obliged, not wanting to overstimulate her. While he waited for her breathing to steady, Cullen pulled her closer to his chest, relishing the sensation of her breasts pressed against him. Now he felt even more aroused when they first started on the desk, and the desire for her warmth started to flood his senses once more, especially while she was still above him, hips only slightly moving against his still fingers.

Pulling back from her mouth, he saw just how delirious she'd become, almost as if she was drunk. Drunk on the way he'd made her feel.

"Was that alright?"

He didn't have to ask, but he did anyway because he knew her lips would curl into that wicked smile, that'd she might even laugh again, which she did.

"I told you you'd pick up."

He'd refrain from telling her it was really Bull who gave him the knowledge of just how to touch her. Maybe he'd never tell her, for he'd never hear the end of it from both of them. Cullen finally took his hand away from her heat and held her waist to make another effort to flip her over on her back again, but she was relentless, hands firm on his chest to keep him just where he was. He could've overpowered her if he wanted, but her physical strength, especially after he'd brought her to orgasm, was surprisingly stronger than he'd expected. Then Scarlett sat up again, brushing her hair out of her face, "Nuh-uh. I'm not done with you yet."

The way her breasts moved even with just the movements of her arms took back any desire of wanting to switch positions. She leaned back on a hand and used the other to stroke his length, to which Cullen gripped her waist harder in response. Before he could question her intent, she lifted her hips and positioned herself over him.

That other thing Bull said rang in his head, 'Probably best to let her ride at some point'.

The reality of that image put any and all imaginings to shame. She went much slower this time, taking him long and deep and less hurried. They had time now, and even though he knew it wouldn't take long for him to finish with her over him like that, he didn't feel insecure about it. She most likely knew anyway. In bed, it felt almost like she was all-knowing, knowing exactly what he was feeling, what would feel best for the both of them.

While the feeling of being completely and fully inside her was exquisite, right now Scarlett seemed too far away. She wasn't, obviously, sinking up and down onto his length, as he lifted his own hips to meet her, but she was leaning back on one hand, head tilted back, other hand grabbing a breast as she sighed in response to the movements of their hips. As arousing as the sight was, he wanted to grab her breasts instead, hold her close, close as he possibly could get to her and he couldn't do that on his back.

He sat up, gripping her bottom with both hands in an attempt to gain some form of control, mouth latching onto the breast her fingers had been on just moments ago. She hummed languidly in approval, supporting both their weights with both hands now, whispering short praises and saying more and more things that only brought him closer to the edge.

That's perfect, just like that and the one that struck him the deepest, causing him to spill inside her once more after only a few more rolls of her hips: You like the way I feel around you?

He nibbled at the skin of her collarbone, biting down too many noises he would've made otherwise. He gripped her softer now, stilling feeling the curves of her skin, so soft, and both cheeks fit right into his palms. Cullen waited only a few more moments for his pleasure to subside before finally taking advantage of their position, holding her hips and flopping her back down onto the sheets to be beneath him. She giggled in surprise, and he muffled the noise with his mouth. He didn't spend very long there as he slid out of her, rolling onto his side next to her so he could keep the perfect view of her as long as he could.

"If you talk like that every time, I won't last as long as you'd like."

"Well then that just tells me you love it," she bit her smiling lip, moving to lay on her side also.

"I can't deny it."

He wondered what other words or phrases Scarlett had in her wondrous arsenal of dirty talk. An arsenal that let loose such perfect words from those perfect lips, which suddenly lost their comforting smile as he studied them.

"You... You were alright with everything though, right?"

Cullen met her eyes again and blinked, "Of course."

"You weren't ever unsure or-"

She was probably going back over everything in her head, and he understood why he might have appeared hesitant. Maybe he was for a moment, but that's how long it would've been, only a moment.

He scooted closer to her, "It's all just... new, but I'm not unsure anymore."

Cullen felt confident in that statement, and he hoped she saw that, brushing more loose strands of hair away from where they fell into her neck, across her chin.

"I think..."

Scarlett paused, licking her lips, expression almost disappointed, but not with him.

"I think I was maybe a little more forceful with you than I'd like."

Forceful? When she kept pushing him back down, perhaps that was the most forceful she'd been, but not in the way he didn't enjoy. He trusted her, knew that she'd stop if he wasn't alright with anything, especially considering both their pasts.

"I don't think so."

"Really?"

"I'd tell you the truth if I felt otherwise."

Her eyes softened and the smile slowly returned once more. She moved closer until their noses barely touched and she was able to wrap an arm fully around his waist.

"...Good."

He kissed her bottom lip, the most gentle kiss he could muster against such beautiful skin. Maker, she was perfect.

After only a few short minutes of gentle caresses and whispered nothings, she was curled into his chest and sleep was quickly overcoming them both. Just like that night in Ferelden, except they were in his own bed and fully nude, complications of insecurity or uncertainty vanished and dissolved into nothing beneath the sheets where they were wrapped in eachother's embrace.

"Cullen?"

The way she said his name was perfect, too. It was a soft murmur of a question, but behind it he felt her tense slightly above him.

"Hm?"

She took his hand in her own, and the fingers were tense as well. He held it firmly within his own, tempted to kiss it, but the tiredness in his body overwhelmed the wish.

"I-I love you."

It sounded nervous, a little scared, even. Though, it was the first time she'd ever said it first, not just in response to him saying it. Cullen's heart swelled, threatened to burst even when his eyes fell closed, oblivion tugging at his head, begging to take him. He only had enough energy left to turn his head and slightly press his mouth to the top of her forehead, feeling the hair brush against his lips, soft and perfect. Perfect continued to be the word, and he didn't want to let the feeling go.

He only said one thing before he fell asleep, "I love you too."

Notes:

honestly, I'm glad I waited until I genuinely felt like writing this chapter because it wouldn't have turned out nearly as good as I think it is.

Chapter 58: Pranks

Chapter Text

 

She awoke to streams of light pouring in from the ceiling, flooding his bedroom with warmth that only built onto the warmth currently holding her by the waist, strong and weathered hands that felt like they knew just how to feel her skin, even while asleep. It'd be even more difficult to leave than it'd been in the past.

Cullen looked so peaceful in the mornings, gorgeous little curls out of control and beyond any hope now. The bags under his eyes were less intense, proof of a good night's rest, and exactly what she'd wanted.

Scarlett eventually pried herself from his arms, quietly hopping to where he'd lazily thrown their clothes the night before. She was leaving early, no doubt, and she didn't want her earlier preparations to be for nothing.

He'd rolled over onto his back while she dressed, and she went to investigate if that meant he'd awoken, but was pleased to see sleep obviously plastered across his expression. She sat down next to him, sliding on her boots, taking her time, but then Cullen shifted again.

It was quicker, a jerkier motion and she turned to him only to see his eyes scrunched, head beginning to shake slightly.

"No... Leave me..."

Scarlett touched the middle of his chest, tempted to wake him, bring him out of what might have been a worse sleep than she originally thought, but that wasn't a good idea either.

"Leave me..."

One more short breath and his eyes were open, sitting up slightly hand grabbing the one she had on his chest, searching for whatever had been hurting him in his nightmare. When his gaze landed on her he sighed, releasing the grip on her hand, back flopping back against the bed.

"Bad dream?" she asked, caressing back and forth enough to help reality come into focus faster.

"They always are. Without lyrium, they're worse."

She turner her attention away, finishing the ties to her boots, but when she looked back, Cullen was staring at her, slightly concerned but also slightly... reverent?

He propped himself on an elbow, moving his hand to caress her cheek, "I didn't mean to worry you."

It amazed her every time that he could still say such things after everything she'd seen him go through since they met, everything he's seen her go through.

"You can let me worry about you a little."

She reached up to play with some of the little curls by his ear as her hand slowly dragged down, tracing the stubble on his jaw.

He smiled softly, stubbornness that he otherwise might've used to fight at her insistence slipping away, "Alright."

That moment that he looked at her, Scarlett could feel the waves of reverence pouring from his eyes into hers. There was no denying it, and although it was hard to imagine, he so openly and clearly loved her- revered her. How did she deserve such adoration? She would never bother asking, settling on leaning her head down, seeking contact with his own in something that felt like more than just a kiss.

"You are..."

He sighed, at a loss for words, mirroring a conundrum she found herself trapped in so often in their relationship. What he came up with was rather simple, yet more elegant put than she could've mustered, and it only helped that it came in almost a whisper, a short brush of breath against her lips.

"I have never felt anything like this."

That's what Scarlett had been telling herself this entire time. Everything was so different with Cullen, new yet familiar in a way that was so difficult to understand at first. She'd never quite expressed to him how different this really was, but perhaps he knew anyway. It's not like it wasn't obvious at times.

She lifted her head, "Neither have I, but I like it."

'Like' was a massive understatement, but she said it in a way that seemed sultry yet certain. Scarlett already told him she loved him last night, and wasn't sure she could come up with the strength the repeat it again so soon. He looked perfectly happy anyway, taking his chin between his finger and pulling her down to kiss him, quick but not rushed.

She scooted off his bed after, leaving him with a final order, "Come see me before I leave."

He chuckled as she made for the ladder, and it was a good enough answer. Cullen always came to say goodbye before she left. Scarlett heard him sigh and lay back down as she made her way down, greeted only by the glorious mess they left the night before.

"You do still have to clean all this up, you know!"

There was a groan from upstairs, followed by her laughter. She'd leave him to do it. He's the one who made the mess this time, after all.

It was his punishment, since Scarlett would never be able to look at that desk the same way again.

 


 

After returning to Skyhold after weeks, still reeling from the blighted business with Samson, it was the early evening, and Cullen was very, extremely eager to greet her in her quarters, rather than settle for a simple one in the courtyard with Dorian, Bull, and Cassandra there to gawk at his increased show of affection. He seemed about ready to carry her up the endless flights of stairs. Scarlett almost wondered how he hadn't written more personal notes in the letters he'd sent her while she was away. She was tempted to write some dirty thoughts, but maybe not as much as he might've been.

Whatever tension or stress her journey had placed upon her shoulders, Cullen disintegrated it. Twice. His hands became more deft as time passed, picking right back where they'd left off those weeks ago. Maker, how she wanted him to use his mouth instead. She'd show him next time, as well as other things. They talked more in-depth about elevating their physical relationship, and she was thrilled seeing him so much more open, curious to explore different things. It wasn't as long of a talk as she'd have liked, but Scarlett was worn out, desperate for a sleep guarded by his touch again after having missed it for some time.

The morning after, Cullen was gone when she awoke, not to her surprise. Instead, a messenger greeted her as she was getting ready with rather unique information.

"Sera wanted a word with you, your worship."

"Sera?"

"Yes."

"...Okay?"

Why Sera didn't just go to her herself was confusing enough on it's own, but Scarlett started for the tavern nevertheless. The conversation between them started rather bluntly,

"You have a problem."

Scarlett scoffed, "Only the one?"

"That over there is a full tavern, but everyone's drinking alone. They're all up their own asses about the Inquisition. I can't have fun with everybody whinging, and they'll fall on their swords before coryphenus can push them."

And so she needed her here because...?

"I'm thinking pranks. Just you and me messing around in people's stuff. You know, to start."

Scarlett didn't mind messing with people, in many different ways, but pranks weren't her area of expertise. That and she had a list of people who would immediately reprimand her when they found out.

"But I'm the Inquisitor, you know. The leader."

Sera's eyes lit up, "Right, they'll never suspect you!"

Sure.

"What, titles are only for getting away with bad stuff? Let's do something fun, come on!"

"Alright, lead the way."

"What, really?"

"Do I have to say it twice?"

Sera laughed, nearly ready to break into a sprint, "No! Race you to the general's office!"

Of course she'd start with Cullen.

His office was empty, which was odd for it only being late morning.

"Aw, your Cully-Wully's gone. Good for us, though."

"What did you think we could prank him with in here?"

"I don't know, have a search about. Something that'll give your soldiers a laugh."

Scarlett didn't snoop too hard, for Sera would surely find something better than she possibly could've. She instead strolled over to his desk, eyeing the various papers scattered about, remembering how easy it had seemed for him to just brush it all off, like it was nothing. Her gaze caught a type of parchment she didn't quite recognize, words etched that didn't have anything to do with the Inquisition. A personal letter. She could tell even just by the format before she picked it up and began reading.

 

Cullen,

I was glad to receive your last letter. You sound happy. It's been--never mind. I just hope you are well. Which reminds me...

Scarlett? Not Inquisitor? Not Her Worship, the Herald of Andraste? Your last letter was far too short.

Love,

Mia

 

How adorable. She noticed there was another paper under it, a reply he had yet to send:

 

Mia,

I will write you a longer letter when there's time. Stop prying.

Cullen

 

Oh, but Scarlett didn't mind the prying.

She laughed, placing the letters back on the desk, "Mia Rutherford..."

It was only when Sera came over to her did she remember why she was here in the first place.

"What, mess with his papers?"

Right, pranks.

"Or the desk? Oh yes! Center of the empire and all that. What to do..."

"I'm not as good at this as I'd thought I'd be."

Sera pushed the end of it slightly, "Thing looks heavy, don't want to move or break it."

"Oh, it's sturdy."

"I got it! Easy one, just a slip of something under here."

Scarlett didn't even see what she grabbed, but it was small enough that the desk still appeared an even, flat surface.

"There, won't notice much, but it's just that little bit wonky. He's so in control, that'll piss him royally."

They'd notice if they ever decided to fuck on the desk again in the near future.

"I tell one of his soldiers and boom! The general seems like people. And because he's all up into you, you'll seem like people."

"All up into me?"

"Yeah, generaled his way right into your breeches," Sera giggled, making for the door.

Scarlett followed, "More like I inquisited my way into his."

 

They went to Josephine's office next, placed a rather precarious water bucket, went to Leliana's place in the tower, but Solas nearly caught them so they didn't have time to come up with a decent prank that wouldn't put them on the Nightingale's hit-list. It was fun, even if Scarlett wasn't doing much of the work, just being with Sera as they caused subtle machinations to her advisors. Even better, they got drinks after. Sera ranted on about 'people' and Scarlett still wasn't sure she understood completely, even though she'd spent a third of the day with her already.

"If all they got was the Herald stuff, the serious bit, you'd start to sound pretty scary. That works, but not for long."

"Whatever it takes. I'd start throwing pies if it kept people inspired."

"Pies is so good! And coryphenus would never do that! Good thing for you, innit? Cause from the bottom, everyone up top sort of seems the same."

They finished their drinks and Sera stood up to leave, "It was fun chasing you, Inquisitor. Nice view."

Scarlett was about to flatter herself further, but not before the tavern door slammed behind them. Well, Josephine's prank wasn't so subtle, and she was making sure they knew that loud and clear as she stormed up to them, very wet and very mad.

Sera just turned to her and pointed, "You did it!" laughing as she ran off, leaving the Inquisitor to calm down the ambassador currently dripping onto the floor. It was still worth it.

 

Even more worth it when she went to see Cullen that evening, and he seemed rather annoyed, a little confused, even.

"I know Sera was in here and when I find out what she's done I will...do something back!"