She had made it to the funeral. No matter how much it hurt, she knew she had to be there for that. She was silent the whole weekend, sitting by Santana in the same pew she had at Will’s failed wedding. She stared across the room at Puck, knowing now more than ever that he needed someone there to help him, but she couldn’t bring herself to be that person. She also couldn’t bring herself to look at Rachel. She left every room that girl entered, save the sanctuary during the service.
But she couldn’t go to that glee memorial. She couldn’t enter that choir room, knowing he wasn’t there and that he never would be again. Knowing that she had once made it through the same situation he hadn’t, had wheeled into that room with a smile on her face and hope in her heart, when he never would.
But it was even more than that. That room - the glee club even - meant Finn to her. The entire reason, petty though it was, that she had joined the club at all was for him. In this room was where both Finn and Puck had rushed to her aid that time she got dizzy dancing, while all three of them were still living in the lie she’d spun. Later that year, it would also be the room where that lie came undone.
But the memories weren’t all bad. Some of the most important people in her life - though she wouldn’t admit it then and might not even now - she had met in this room. All because she joined glee club. All because of Finn.
It was true that she and Finn had been complicated at best. And that, in the end, he had always loved Rachel more than her - and honestly, she had always loved herself more than him. But that didn’t change the fact that Finn was the first boy she’d ever felt something real for. That Finn had been right at her side during some of the hardest parts of her life. That he held a place in her heart no one else could ever fill. And so, to walk in that choir room without him there would have been too much. It would have been too real.
Instead, while all of those important people in her life head back to that room, she stays in her dorm room in New Haven. Everyone thinks she’s just “swamped with schoolwork.” No one would probably guess that she’s really laying on the floor, crying over an old prom campaign poster.