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Kiss For The Camera

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There’s the cutest cooking channel on YouTube which Victor is addicted to. He doesn’t even know what the man who runs the channel looks like but he just knows he’s gorgeous. It’s the calmness of him, how nice his hands are, and his arms, and his chest, usually clad in a simple t-shirt. Not to mention the occasional glimpse of his jaw and mouth, which hello, Victor is so gay. There’s also a cute toy poodle which occasionally makes an appearance as Katsu — the pseudonym the man goes by — coos and fusses over him.


Victor has his own channel under the name NikBitch, but everyone knows his real name and he happily shows his face. He does makeup tutorials and silly dance routines as well as glimpses of his actual routines on the ice. He retired from professional figure skating at twenty-eight and is thoroughly enjoying being a YouTuber and occasionally guest commentating on figure skating competitions, as well as a little choreography on the side when he feels like it.


His absolute favourite pastime is watching Katsu’s channel though. Katsu’s also done some game play-throughs after he mentioned that he likes video games and his fans demanded he show himself playing some. So there’s a section for that on his channel too.


Sometimes Katsu’s joined by a friend for these play-throughs, and while the friend is happy to direct people to his own channel where his face is visible in his hamster dress up and care tutorials, Katsu remains mysterious. The friend is Phichit Chulanont, a cute Thai dancer who is the personification of an exclamation mark and a general bundle of joy.


Victor may or may not have Internet stalked Phichit to see if he could catch a glimpse of Katsu’s face. But alas, Katsu remains stoutly private even on his friend’s Instagram page.


Victor carries on doing his own videos, is flirty and pouty and sassy and hints at having a crush on a fellow YouTuber. His fans, of which he has many as one of the top YouTubers, pester him constantly as to who it might be. There’s guesses that it’s his friend Christophe Giocometti, who still skates competitively, but likes YouTube too and will upload his routines and occasionally join Victor in his videos. They have a special section of Victor’s page called “Victor and Chris’ Gay Roundup of the Week”, where they do everything from live-streaming as they watch the latest episode of some Kdrama that’s so bad it’s good, to tearing apart celebrity fashion choices.


It’s definitely not Chris though, and Victor’s surprised none of his fans have guessed who it is after the heels stunt. Katsu happened to mention something about liking heels while he was playing a game, and Victor promptly uploaded a video of him doing a death drop in six inch stilettos and a pair of booty shorts. His fans went mad.


Not to mention the time Victor was doing a Q&A during a makeup tutorial and midway through explaining how your eyeliner should be sharp enough to bring swift and painful vengeance on your enemies, he'd noticed a question about what nationality his YouTuber crush was. Victor had tipped a smirk at the camera and said "he’s Asian, that’s all I’m saying".


Victor’s been watching Katsu for a year and a half; he was already watching prior to his retirement from competitions. And after all this time, he’s finally given the best gift he could’ve ever hoped for.


Not only Katsu’s face, but a full body view of him in high-waisted hot pants, a crop top and a pair of heels. Victor happens to be live-streaming at the time, reviewing an episode of a Russian soap opera, when he gets the notification that Katsu’s uploaded a video. He glances at it, planning to watch it when he’s done streaming, before he promptly chokes on the mouthful of wine he just took.


His email notification says Katsu’s uploaded a dance routine.


Victor stares at his phone screen long enough for his followers to start asking what’s wrong.


“I’m sorry everyone,” Victor says, looking up at the camera with slightly wild eyes. “We’re going to have to take a slight break from our scheduled live streaming of Katya and Ivan’s break up to watch a video together.”


After this it sounds like he says “God is good to the gays, praise be to Jesus,” but it’s muffled and the mic doesn’t really pic it up.


The live comments on his stream are a series of “?????” and “what’s going on?” and “why does he look so pink?”


Victor is muttering to himself, swearing occasionally as the video takes a while to buffer and he nearly spills the wine he’s topping his glass up with because he’s too busy watching the screen.


The video finally loads and his comments are a mix of “oh my god?” and “is that Katsu?” and “CALLED IT, FUCKING CALLED IT VICTOR’S YOUTUBER CRUSH IS KATSU HAHAAAA”.


And then there he is, strutting on screen in his perfectly tidy apartment in a pair of fucking high-waisted hot pants, a crop top and a pair of heels. He’s unfairly beautiful, dark hair swept back from a face with high cheekbones, pouty lips and fuck me eyes.


“Hi there,” Katsu says, waving at the camera nervously. “So, err, a few of you have wanted to see my face for quite some time, but you’re getting a little more than you bargained for ‘cause, err, I lost a bet… so yeah… now I have to dance to… oh god. Okay, here’s Rihanna’s Pour It Up, because Phichit you are an absolute shit and I will take your hamster sons and make them see me as their true father. Bite me.”


Victor may choke slightly at this point and whisper something that sounds a lot like “yes please.”


Yuuri struts over to an speaker dock and lines up his iPhone, which is when Victor notices the pole. He gazes into the camera as though to say “what the absolute shit fuck? What? What? Help?”


The music starts, and Yuuri draws closer to the pole with a sultry roll of his hips, his expression changing from one of slightly nervous to get-on-your-knees-and-worship-me-like-the-god-I-am. Victor has never been so turned on.


“Jesus Christ,” is just audible as Victor takes a huge swig of wine.


At first Yuuri just circles the pole a few times, as though playing with the audience a little, drawing them in. Then he tilts a smirk at the camera, lifts himself easily up onto the pole as though he weighs nothing and flips himself upside down. Victor almost chokes for a second time.


What follows is the goddamn hottest thing Victor has ever seen in his twenty-eight years of life. Yuuri is a deity in mortal form. He’s so effortlessly graceful and sexy on the pole, cheeky and flirty and the epitome of an absolute top so that Victor — who’s usually a switch — swears to bottom for this man for the rest of his life if Katsu would only step on him.


“Can you believe, dear followers,” Victor says, eyes still firmly fixed on the screen where Katsu slides up and down the pole like he does it for a living, “that God is real and Japanese??”


A couple of his commenters get slightly offended, but seeing as he’s an openly gay man who wears makeup and occasionally heels he attracts a certain demographic, and the large majority are thrilled by his reaction.


There are a few times in the video where Yuuri goes to the floor and does a perfect drop, his back curved beautifully on his way back up, in a way that tells Victor this man must enjoy bottoming sometimes because hello? Only bottoms have that flawless a back curve when they’re bent over. Victor also briefly ponders the political correctness of stereotyping sexual preferences by appearance and personality, before Katsu does a perfect split and he decides that there are more important things to worry about at present.


The song finishes and Katsu holds his ending pose for a moment, before he falls back into the adorably flustered man that blushes and thanks everyone for watching, and briefly promises swift and painful vengeance upon Phichit and a plague upon his house. Then the video ends and Victor is left breathless, flushed and so incredibly aroused.


“Holy fuck,” he whispers, eyes wide as he looks at the camera.


There’s a moment’s silence and then Victor is scrabbling to grab the camera.


“Okay that’s all we’ve got time for today folks, err…” Victor trails off, looking a little mad before he curses in Russian. “Right, well, your boy is a mess and Katsu? DM me. I swear to god I need you to DM me, don’t leave a poor skater come YouTuber hanging, I will die. Okay bye my good bitches.”


The video cuts out and Victor’s viewers are left confused but absolutely thrilled. Victor uploads the section of the live-stream with him watching Yuuri’s performance as a video, and may or may not DM Phichit Chulanont a link to it.


Turns out he needn't have bothered as Katsuki Yuuri, aka the YouTuber known as Katsu, is currently screaming as he watches Victor Nikiforov, his skating and YouTube idol completely freak out over how hot Yuuri is. Doesn’t stop Phichit replying with a video he took of a very drunk Yuuri sobbing over how beautiful Victor is in his Stammi Vicino routine. Also a short clip of Phichit asking Yuuri what he’d do if someone tried to get between him and Victor at a skating event.


“I’d kill a man,” Yuuri says, entirely straight faced.


“Wow,” Phichit can be heard saying off screen, sounding utterly delighted.


Phichit is the one who bursts in on Yuuri and joins in with the screaming, as Yuuri is his roommate as well as his best friend. He tackles Yuuri onto his bed and shakes the living hell out of him.


Two days later Yuuri uploads a video of his dance routine to Arianna Grande’s Into You, in which he winks at the camera and says “if you’re Russian, enjoy wearing heels and are drop dead gorgeous with an ass to die for, this one’s about you.”


Victor lets out a noise like a dying animal when he sees it, and has to take care of himself twice before his arousal goes away.


Two years later Victor and Yuuri, otherwise known as the YouTubers NikBitch and Katsu, are married in Yuuri’s hometown of Hasetsu. Victor’s makeup is flawless and Yuuri surprises him at the reception with a live recreation of the Pour It Up routine. Victor sobs for the fourth time that day. Phichit live-streams the whole thing.