Subject: I’m thinking too much.
Time Stamp: 6 December 2017, 1:29 AM
I can’t sleep. I can’t do much of anything to be honest. All I ever do is think. Think. Think. Think. It’s like a broken record, my mind. I keep going over everything again and again and again. A never-ending loop that is slowly tearing me apart. I wish I knew you in person. I wish you could be here with me. You always say that you want to be there for me, but how can you do that when your hundreds of miles away?
I know it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you for it. I’m sorry. But I just can’t stop thinking. All I want is to be able to hear your voice in person, to feel your warmth radiating all around me as you hold me close. Is that too much to ask for? Probably.
I’ll go now. Sleep well. Love you.
Subject: RE: I’m thinking too much.
Time Stamp: 6 December 2017, 8:09 AM
To my lovely Jimin,
I hope you were able to get at least a few hours of sleep love… I’d hate for you to lose too much sleep. You need as much as you can get. I wish I knew you in person too. It hurts me every time I think about you being sad and alone, holed up in your little apartment with no one to keep you warm. I bet you’re as gorgeous in person as you are over skype. I’m sure you’re even more beautiful, to be honest.
Please don’t apologize, love. I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me what you’re thinking and what’s going on with you. I’m glad you came to me. But I wish I could go to you. Like, actually go to you. But, for now, this is all I can do to help.
Do you wanna hear about the dream I had last night?
It had both you and I in it. You were wearing one of my hoodies – you know, the green one? – and it was so big on you, you had the cutest sweater-paws ever! Anyways, we were at the beach here in Busan, sharing a lunch and sitting in the radiating sun. You were glowing in the sunlight, your smile shining brighter than the sun itself.
I woke up a little sad, knowing that it wasn’t a reality. But it was still a cute dream. I promise that I will get to see you soon Jimin.
I love you so much. I hope your day gets better and you get a lot of rest.
Subject: On break
Time Stamp: 6 December 2017, 2:39 PM
I’m on my late lunch break from work now. Work has been okay. Hoseokie-hyung has been helping me teach the class today. It was actually kind of fun. The kids seem to love Hoseok and they behaved so well today. It was a relief.
I didn’t get to sleep last night, actually. Instead I binge watched all of your favorite movies and wrapped myself up in a think blanket. It still wasn’t as warm as it would be cuddling with you, but I managed.
I hope that you weren’t too disappointed from your dream Kookie. It’ll happen one day, I promise. I’m sorry for dropping that on you again, the whole I want you here bullshit that I always seem to pull in the middle of the night. I know it makes you sad. I have faith that we’ll eventually get to meet – maybe once you graduate college and finally convince Namjoon-hyung and Yoongi-hyung to move their studio to Seoul – but I wish every day on 11:11 that it’ll be soon.
Also, would it be too much to ask you to send me that sweatshirt??? It’s not like we haven’t sent things to each other, but it’s only ever been gifts. I’ve never gotten something directly of yours. Can I get a sweatshirt to wear around? I can send you some of my shirts or sweatshirts – you know I get everything too big anyways – for you to wear. If you’d like. You don’t have to, just offering.
I love you too. I hope your classes are going well today!
Subject: RE: On break
Time Stamp: 6 December 2017, 7:58 PM
To my angel Jiminie,
I’m glad Hoseok-hyung was there for you today. I’m sure teaching little kids how to dance on zero sleep wasn’t easy, I hope you made it through the rest of your lessons. (Also, I know you like to practice on your own in the afternoon, but please don’t push yourself to much. Make sure you still eat dinner and go to bed early. You need sleep, Jimin.)
Just imagining how cute you would look cuddled up under a blanket brings a smile to my face. I hope you enjoyed the movies, I wish I was there to watch them with you. One day we will have our own favorite movies to watch together. <3 <3
I could never be disappointed in you Jimin. Even though the dream made me a little sad, I was more happy than sad. It just added another thing to our to do list when we finally do get to meet. And I wish to meet you soon every 11:11 too… to be able to hold your cute self in my arms. It’d be a dream come true…
OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE MY SWEATSHIRT. TAKE THEM ALL IF YOU’D LIKE. Like, honestly, baby if you wanted my entire wardrobe, I’d give it to you. Haha sorry I’m that obsessed. I’ll send you a couple sweatshirts and a few shirts, okay? I’ll make sure they get spritzed with my colon before I mail them. You better give me tons of cute pictures of you in my clothes!!! I’m expecting them! If you want to send some of yours, I’m okay with that. But you don’t have to Jiminie. I just want you to be happy, so I’ll do everything I can to make that happen.
Classes went okay for me today. Who knew that being a music production major could give someone so much homework??? Like, I have almost three hours of homework to do tonight. I’m sure it won’t take that long, with Namjoon-hyung and Yoongi-hyung to offer me assistance. They can never say no to my pouty face – though Yoongi does get a little grumpy with it.
Speaking of them… they say that they’re getting ready to release their next mixtape. They might be going on tour for this one. Their last two mixtapes brought in a lot of fans. I mean, look at you and me. We met through their fan page almost a year ago, after they released their second mixtape. Remember how you freaked out when you found out that I knew them personally? Great times… haha I still laugh remembering that skype call every time.
Please don’t practice too much tonight Jimin. Get lots of rest. I love you lots xoxo
Your Jungkook <3
Time Stamp: 6 December 2017, 11:11 PM
I wish for my Jiminie to be sleeping well and for him to know how much I love him.
Subject: RE: 11:11
Time Stamp: 7 December 2017, 11:11 AM
I wish for my Jungkookie to pass all of his classes and for him to know how much I love and appreciate him.
Subject: Stressed af
Time Stamp: 10 December 2017, 2:27 AM
I’m so tired, baby. It’s almost 2:30 in the morning and I’m still studying. I have four finals next week and I don’t know how I’m going to get through them. I don’t know what I know anymore. I’m not smart enough for this. What if I fail? What if I sleep through my alarms and miss the exams? I’d be such a disappointment if I failed. Jiminie what do I do???
I really wish you were here… I bet you would force me to stop studying. You would bring me a warm drink and a blanket to wrap around both of us as you cuddled into me. Then you would run your fingers through my hair until my headache went away. And we’d share little kisses and sweet words until you were able to coax me to bed. Then we’d fall asleep, you in my arms. Jiminie I need that. I’m sorry.
I think this lack of sleep is making me extra emotional. I should probably get back to studying. I only have the 24 (less now) hours in this day before the exams are here. I will get as much information into this brain.
Love you Jiminie <3
Subject: RE: Stressed af
Time Stamp: 7 December 2017, 8:29 AM
Please, please, please tell me you’ve gotten some sleep. I swear Jungkook, I’m going to text Namjoonie-hyung to make sure you get some sleep. Multiple hours of studying in a row helps even less than you think Kookie. I promise you will be able to retain a lot more information if you get enough rest and take breaks between your studying.
I love you so much Jungkookie. Please get some rest.
I know who’s knocking on my door before he even says anything. “Yeah, Namjoon?” I mumble to him. I don’t turn away from the books laid out in front of me as the door clicks open behind me.
“You know,” Namjoon says quietly, the door clicking shut behind him. I turn to face him as he sits on my bed. “Your boyfriend is very concerned about you.”
“I know,” I sigh out, glancing back down at the books on my desk. “I just read his email.”
“You should listen to him, Kook. Have you slept at all?” Namjoon asks, giving me the ‘concerned dad’ look. “Last time you came out of your room was yesterday morning. Have you eaten anything?”
“Would it be bad if I said no?” I answer, giving him a sheepish smile.
“Yes! That’s horrible, Kook,” He gives me an exasperated look. I can only shrug in return. “You’re so lucky that Jimin isn’t here to yell at you. You know how much that boy worries about you. He’d give you quite the lecture if he knew what you were doing to yourself.”
“Yeah… I know. But I just have to get through this week, and then everything can go back to normal,” I say, sighing out a long puff of air.
“Are you ready for next week?” Namjoon asks, giving me an actual smile this time. He sits up straighter, crossing his legs at the ankle and staring at me with bright eyes.
“Beyond ready,” I say, smiling to myself. Without meaning to, my eyes flick over to the transit tickets I have pinned to my board. “I can’t wait to see him.”
“And you know he wouldn’t want to see you with bags under your eyes and no food in your stomach,” Namjoon points out, standing up from his spot. “So, c’mon Kook, let’s go get some food in your stomach and then you are going to at the very least take a nap.”
He extends his hand to help me up from my desk chair, giving me no option. But then again, I don’t feel like arguing with him about this anymore. So I let him pull me up from my chair and lead me out of my cramped room.
I can’t wait to see my Jiminie.
Subject: I SURVIVED!!!
Time Stamp: 13 December 2017, 5:47 PM
To my fantastically lovely Jiminie whom holds my heart in his small adorable hands,
Do you know what the greatest feeling ever is? The feeling of finally being able to leave the university campus knowing that you are completely free. Or, at least, free from it for at least a month haha. I feel like I’ve had the world of the weight lifted off my shoulder and I cannot wait until I can sleep my entire free month away. It’ll be the best thing ever.
Anyways, I love you lots Jiminie. I hope your day is going equally as fantastic <3
Your Jungkookie <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
“Are you ready to go Jungkook? The transit leaves in ten, and it takes five to walk there,” Yoongi says, pushing open my door as I finish zipping up my suitcase.
“Yep!” I respond with a lopsided grin. I tug my suitcase off the bed, holding it by my leg by the handle. “Let’s go!”
I barely wait for both Yoongi and Namjoon to follow me as I barrel my way down the street and to the station. The three of us pass through the ticket checker in no time, lugging our individual luggage with us.
Before I can even blink we’re sitting in our seats. I’m sitting next to Namjoon, staring out the window and trying to keep my excitement down. I can tell it isn’t working though, the flat look I’m getting from Yoongi says it all.
“Hoseok is still good to go on the plan?” I ask Yoongi, watching the small, almost unnoticeable, smile appears on his face from the mention of Hoseok.
“Yes, of course he is,” Yoongi replies, rolling his eyes. “You could just text your boyfriend and ask where he’s at.”
“He thinks I’m sleeping though. So I can’t text him now,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders and turning back to look out the window.
Only three hours until I can hold you in my arms, Jiminie. Wait for me.
Seokjin is at the station to pick us up, cramming the three of us and our luggage into his tiny car. Of course Namjoon sits in the front seat, his hand gripping Seokjin’s on the center console the moment we start driving. I can hardly sit still, which I can tell is starting to annoy Yoongi.
“How much longer?” I ask after five minutes of departing from the station.
“Jesus kid, at least try to pretend that you can keep your cool,” Yoongi grumbles in response.
Seokjin laughs at Yoongi, turning his head to give Yoongi a raised eyebrow in the rearview mirror. “As if you’re one to talk. How long has it been since you’ve seen Hoseok, hmm?” Seokjin says this with a light tone, knowing he’s right.
Yoongi grumbles something under his breath, moving his gaze out the window. He can’t hide the tiny smile on his face though.
“But Jungkook,” Seokjin says, drawing my attention back away from Yoongi. “We’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” I nod in response, grinning at his reflection in the mirror. Even though we can’t see it, I know he can feel my excitement.
The remaining fifteen-minute ride flies by with overdramatic singing from Namjoon, grumpy mumbles from Yoongi, window cleaning laughs from Seokjin, and lame witty comments from me. My heart races as we pull into an open parking spot at the dance studio. Of course the parking lot is nearly empty, only a couple cars occupying spots.
When I blink, I realize that Yoongi is already out of the car, his door left open and his body halfway across the parking lot.
I turn to Namjoon. “I think that’s the fasted I’ve ever seen him move.” Both him and Seokjin crack up, letting out little chuckles.
We turn to watch as Yoongi wraps his arms tightly around the body of his boyfriend – who I now can put a face to the name. From here I can hear Hoseok’s happy laughter. I turn away when they pull back to share a kiss, wanting to respect their privacy.
Seokjin is already looking at me, his body turned around in his seat so he can face me directly. “What are you waiting for?” He asks softly. “Go get your man.”
I grin at him, pushing myself out of the car door with jittery hands. My excitement and nerves are bubbling over, apparently. I pass by a still hugging Hoseok and Yoongi.
“Which studio?” I ask Hoseok.
“The third one on the left – Studio 3a,” He mumbles back, not even looking at me as I pass by. I nod, continuing on my path with hurried steps.
I can hear my heart beating louder and louder the closer I get to where he is. As I push my way through the front door of the dance studio, I can barely even breathe with how excited I am. I glance at the signs hanging by the few hallways. I follow the one that’s labeled ‘practice rooms’.
He said third one on the left… one… two… three… Studio 3a.
Oh crap, how do you breathe? I think I forgot how to breathe. Is there a pounding sound in this hallway? Oh wait… it’s just my heartbeat. Dang it Jungkook, you need to calm yourself right now. It’s not that big of a deal… it’s only your other half standing on the other side of this door. You got this.
I take a deep breath, trying to work up the courage to move forward. I move closer to the door, glancing through the tiny window. If I thought I couldn’t breathe before, I definitely can’t breathe now.
Jimin is so gorgeous.
I can barely look away from him. His hair is messily tossed on his head, a light amount of sweat shining on his skin. I can only feel the beat of the song, the rest of the sounds being blocked with the closed door. His movements are so fluid, he is practically floating around the practice room. Shit, he’s so beautiful.
With one last calming breath, I finally get the courage to open the door (which was thankfully unlocked).
“Ah!” Jimin screams, tripping on his feet and falling onto the ground. He’s staring at me through the mirror, his eyes wide and his mouth gaping open in surprise.
“I must be hallucinating,” I hear him mumble. His voice sends a chill down my spine. I smile brightly at him, tears starting to well up in my eyes and a lump of emotion forming in my throat.
I shake my head, trying to tell him that he wasn’t hallucinating. The door shuts behind me now, a moment of silence falling between us.
Jimin pulls himself off of the floor slowly, turning to face me on shaky legs. I can see the tears welling up in his own eyes. “Please tell me this is real,” He whispers, his expression almost pleading.
“It’s real,” I whisper back. “I’m here, Jimin. I’m here.”
He lets out a sob, nearly tripping on his feet as he tries to move to me. I meet him halfway, my own sobs wracking my body as I collect him in my arms. I hold him tightly, his own arms wrapped around my body with the same strength.
“You’re here,” He mumbles. “You’re really here. You’re real, and you’re here. Oh my god…” he repeats this through his sobs, which are starting to become more like hiccups.
After a while, I pull back slightly from the hold. I cup his face with my hands, wiping away the tears that keep flowing from his eyes. “I’m here,” I say, leaning my forehead on his. “And I love you so much Jimin.”
He lets out a strangled noise, his eyes shining even brighter. He leans up, pressing his lips to mine before I have time to do it myself. “I love you too,” He mumbles into the kiss. Our first kiss.
This is what kissing an angel feels like.