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Private Log #2 Lieutenant Cameron Rushton- encrypted

Here's the second one of these logs shit where I write everything that's happened and try to make sense of it. Aka, give the brass and intel geeks some shit to muse over and pick apart when they're not interrogating me.

Everyone is so worried about the Faceless. Everyone thinks I have the answer. Truth is I barely know more than anyone else. Sure, I spent 4 years there. Sure, I can speak their language. Sure, I am probably the only human that has ever lived with them that long as far as we know.

But as for knowing about the Faceless, every day with them brought more questions than answers. You can't understand things that are truly alien. You can't make sense of something that is so not like you.

That's what the brass doesn't understand.

I'll tell you what is was like that day Kai-Ren said he was sending me back. I was crouched in the dark, slick slimy walls pressed against my back and wet muck oozing between my toes. It was a holding chamber, because I Cameron Rushton, Hawk Pilot, Earth hero, was afraid. Not of the Faceless, not of staying with them. I was afraid of leaving. After 4 years with them I knew what to expect. Tasteless mush that served as food. Loving caresses by hard sharp nails. Cam-ren sounding in my mind over and over like snake’s sigh, as he held me in place and reinforced our link.

I wasn't scared of the Faceless Brady, after living with them for so long , and being scared each day, somewhere in that time it became a apart of me. But, I feared what Kai-Ren wanted to do to me now. Send me back to humanity…that was the plan. Back to a Defender, back to do god knows what.

 I know the brass reading this isn't going to believe me. The intel geek, trying to pick apart the code in this log isn't going to for one fucking second believe I don't know every fucking plan of the Faceless, but it's the truth.  The Lieutenant summarizing this shit is going to snort into his coffee, at what a lying sun of a bitch I am.

But it’s the truth Brady.

I just know the little I was told. Maybe I would remember the rest if my pod had been deactivated correctly, maybe I would still be as clueless.

I don't know. What I do know is when Kai-Ren told me, right after he finished with me for the last time. I was still bent over on my hands and knees, my skin sweaty and his claw running down my spine. I held my breath as his words rang through my head. I listened, until he was quiet and then I ran.

 I ran as far as I could which wasn't very fucking far. Kai-Ren easily caught me, and he held me. And they came for me. I didn’t fight them, it would have been useless anyway.

 I was brought to the pod strangely compliant. What was the point fighting anymore? I never had a say in any of this. Kai-ren was the master, I was the pet. I climbed in, a thin sac line skin encasing the oily black pod I was laying in. Liquid started to flow in milky, and cool. I freaked out, even as Kai -Ren tried to calm me.

 Relax Cam-Ren.

I couldn't relax.

I felt like I was suffocating and struggled to get free.

Stop! Kai-Ren's shout froze me in place.

Breathe Cam-ren! I did as I was told even as every fibre in my body screamed for me not to. I breathed in and choked, gasped...and just like that I felt my lungs fill and burn.

I was drowning…and then I wasn’t. My eye lids felt heavy, but I didn’t feel them close or realize they had.

I drifted into a half asleep state, where dreams and memories and thoughts all floated together, coalescing into my reality only to break apart and reform. I floated among the stars unsure of whether I would ever get home and the funny thing Brady…the awful horrible thing.

I still didn’t know which was my home. Earth, Defender eight, the Faceless ship with Kai-Ren.

I woke up terrified out of my mind, coughing, retching, freezing cold after the warmth of the pod. Once human faces now as foreign as the Faceless has been four years ago. Orange suits surrounding me and snatches of faces through glass face pieces.

Everything that had once been familiar was now alien. I saw the way everyone stared at me…I was alien.

I still don’t know everything, but I solved one question at least Brady.

I know where home is.

It’s with you.