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Wearing Your Scars on My Heart (Revision Edition)

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"Wearing Your Scars on My Heart"

 

She would never get over this. How could she? Seeing Heda, her friend, her confidant, her mate, the bearer of her heart, walking into their private chambers after another bout on the grueling battle field.

 

Heavy her emotions become at the sight of Lexa limping, no longer stepping with the confident bravado she usually does. The blacking under her right eye. The purples and blues on her sleeve torn arms. The broken skin on her plump lips. The healer in her knows that these will all be temporary, but the lover in her calls to shield the alpha forever from the responsibilities that come with her authority.

 

Even with the fall of the mountain and crowning of the new Azgeda king, members loyal to the former queen decided an uprising needed to be exacted. All the diplomatic relations and attempts at compromising proved useless as the few hundreds, along with Ontari whom calls herself their leader, parted from their clan to form a new one. Better built in Nia's twisted image.

 

Blood after blood has been spilt over the last three years, trying to bring the rebels to their knees. Small as they are, they have proven themselves to be a strategic foe indeed. Enough so that Lexa returns wounded in some way each time.

 

Clarke can see from the fragile aura that surrounds her, that this round in particular was a tumultuous one. Lexa's eyes are dark and have yet to attempt to meet her own. Her shoulders are slouching, heavy with guilt, she believes. Something of great and terrible pain has occurred tonight, and the omega knew it was going to take her best efforts to sooth the bruised leader of the 13 clans.

 

"Undress." She says, making her way around their quarters to gather the different items she's sure she'll need. "The water will not take long to birth."

 

Lexa doesn't speak. She never speaks after a battle, at least not immediately. Instead she nods curtly.

 

Clarke goes to prepare a bath in the enormous restroom partnered to their own quarters. She hurriedly gathers all of Lexa's favorite oils and scents. The ones she knows have the power to calm her soldier in ways she could not sometimes. She lights a few candles around the large basin, sits clothes for after the bathing along the sides, and makes a small plate of green grapes and plums, more of Lexa's favorites, placing them on an empty corner, easy to reach should Lexa garner an appetite.

 

After everything is ready, Clarke makes her way back to their room. She finds her Heda still fully dressed, now sitting on the chair at their vanity. 'She is blaming herself for something.' Clarke gathers. As hard as Lexa likes to project herself to be to her people, it is only with Clarke that such boasting is nothing more than a child spilling false claims to hide the hurting soul within.

 

Clarke carefully approaches Lexa, doing her best not to spook her companion whose mind is still trapped on the front line. Giving off soothing pheromones to ease the tension that surrounds her.

 

"I'm going to undress you now, is that okay?" She asked softly.

 

Still, no words leave the commanders’ mouth. Another sharp nod is her answer.

 

Clarke goes to work. She unclasps the many buckles and belts that make up the commander's battle armor. Unlaces her boots and removes them, along with her socks, from her feet. She smoothly undoes her pants and pulls them and her underclothes from her legs. Then the harder part approaches.

 

"Lift for me, beja (please), Heda?"

 

Lexa nods and leisurely raises her arms above her head. The motion, causing her obvious pain from the looks of it. Her brows tensing more than before and a small nibbling at the edge of her lip, the dead giveaway. Clarke removes the shirt as swiftly and gingerly as she can, as to not cause Lexa more than she has already endured.

 

Finally, Clarke unleashes Lexa's bindings, leaving her now completely bare, but her aura still holds onto a cloak of self-torture. Clarke wants nothing more than to take her in her arms and cater to her lover until she is freed of her personal insanity, but she knows that this is not the solution for their current situation.

 

"Come, Heda." Clarke says as she stands and holds out her hands. The alpha slowly takes them and allows herself to be pulled up, then sluggishly follows Clarke to the bath that awaits her.

 

"In." Clarke politely demands, and Lexa does as she is told. A breath escapes the commander as she sinks into the large tub and lays her back against one of the edges. Clarke starts with tenderly undoing the braids in Lexa's hair. Then, she pops open the bottle of honey oiled shampoo and tenderly washes her lover's luxurious brunette locks. A small smile finds itself on her lips when she notices Lexa's shoulders unravel bit by bit at the sensation. Her soldier was always weak for the massaging of the omega's hands through her scalp.

 

"It is getting longer it seems." Clarke casually comments about Lexa's hair. "It was at your shoulders for such a time. Now it goes to the middle of your back."

 

Lexa answers with a slight hum. Proof that Clarke's efforts are, in fact, working.

 

"One day it'll trip you if you do not trim it regularly, Heda."

 

Lexa scoffs lightly at her remark.

 

"Right, Leksa (Lexa), I mean."

 

Lexa hums at her again. The defensive reaction to Clarke calling her by her title instead of her name while they were in private, another sign that her woman was on her way back to her.

 

Clarke picks up the wash cloth at the side of the tub and begins to delicately wash the grime and blood from her lover's tanned skin. Her heart, tearing within from the sights of new scars in the making on Lexa's shoulders, back, arms, sternum...everywhere it seemed. An endless tapestry of suffering and loss, evident on her like words on pages.

 

"Raven and Octavia are at odds again. It seemed Raven had tried to teach Octavia about some new invention she's cooked up in that lab of hers," Clarke said, attempting to keep Lexa's and her own mind busy with small talk. ", but Octavia only managed to break the device in half out of frustration." Clarke chuckles as she recalls watching the omega and beta bickering. "I'm sure Anya and Lincoln will have their hands full with them tonight."

 

She moves to Lexa's neck with the cloth. "Oh! And Aden," she smiles as she thinks of the rough little boy. "He actually was able to make a dent in Ryder's armor today. He was so proud of himself. I'm sure when you see him he'll be all too excited to share the great news."

 

She goes on to Lexa's chest. "And Bellamy, ugh that fool, he tried to have Echo teach him to shoot a bow today. He barely was able to hit a single target before he stormed off like the stubborn ox he is." She shakes her head. "Echo had to..."

 

A hand on Clarke's as she was about to move to Lexa's stomach stops her.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry Lexa. Did I hurt you or...?"

 

Lexa shakes her head side to side, before slightly tugging at the hand that has been cleaning her. Clarke nods in understanding, and places the cloth back at the side of tub, then she quickly removes her body from the silk blue night robe she was wearing. Once she is naked, she proceeds to join her lover in the warm bath, sitting just in front of her, wanting to give her all the control over how much affection she needed.

 

Lexa takes Clarke's hand gently then gestures her to move closer, her eyes still never meeting Clarke's concerned blue ones. Lexa lays Clarke against the front of her body, wraps her arms around her back, her softened cock bumping against Clarke’s thigh as their legs mingle together, then rests her chin atop her golden tresses. Clarke relaxes into her embrace. Her chest vibrating with warmth from the feel of Lexa's skin on hers. A shiver travels down her spine when the alpha begins to lightly stroke her fingers at Clarke's lower back, while her breathing levels from taking in Clarke's scent.

 

"Victory was ours today..." Lexa finally spoke for the first time that evening. "...Ontari's forces were astounding. Some of our people were lost, but still more of their blood was spilled than our own." She is quiet for another few minutes before she whispered, "I killed young ones today..." She chokes a bit on the confession. "...some, who seemed to not even meet their 12th summer yet. Some, who barely seemed to know what a sword was. Who clearly had never seen a speck of blood leaving another creature...who looked at me with so much terror, and yet, continued to try to take my life even after I pleaded with them that they did not have to live as they were..."

 

Clarke feels more than she hears the hiccup of emotion break from her usually sturdy commander. Lexa takes one of Clarke's fingers and brings it to a new, fresh scar on her belly. "Nicholas was his name, the one who did this...unclaimed beta son of Nia herself. He wanted to make his mother proud, he said, before his spirit left from his body...my blade, embedded in his small chest..."

 

Lexa cradles Clarke into her. Her forehead slumping down golden tresses, finding Clarke's shoulder. "I never wanted this...Klark (Clarke)..."

 

"I know, Lex." The omega whispers as she places a gentle kiss into her hair, holding and comforting her guilt-ridden warrior as best she could, Lexa sobbing quietly on her. "I know..."

 

They remained that way for some time. Embracing. Letting their feelings roam freely in this small venue of peace they've built for themselves. Wanting to escape the horrors of their world for as long as possible.

 

"I am here, niron (lover)." Clarke whispers into her ear, before taking Lexa's lips into a loving kiss. Gifting her forgiveness, she felt she deserved. Sharing with her, the affection she held within her heart. Vowing to never let her go. Promising, to love Lexa, even when Lexa is unable to bare the weight of the world upon her shoulders. “I am here…”

 

Lexa purrs into the touch. Giving herself fully to the rhythm of soft lips that fiddled against her own. Granting access to the pink muscle that begged for entrance into her mouth. Meeting it swiftly, and welcoming it into the home for which it belonged. For this was a battle she found herself more suited for the last few years. Conquering her despair with the help of Clarke’s love. Grounding herself in the stream of calm only her mate could provide her.

 

She wasn’t the leader whom bellowed out commands. Instruction, that often led to the undoing of those whom opposed her position. She wasn’t the warrior whose sword drove through skin and bone. Birthing a constant sea of red in her wake. She wasn’t the top alpha whose snarl could send a blast of shivers down anyone’s spine. Who could send a man twice her size to their knees.

 

She wasn’t Heda here. Not with Clarke.

 

Here, she was allowed to be the one part of herself that she was forced to neglect the most. The piece of her, that was more than what her title suggested. Here, she was only Lexa.

 

“Tell me, my love.” Clarke says as their mouths part and they search for air. Baby blues taming the raging green of Lexa’s eyes with its shear devotion. “Tell me what I can do.”

 

Lexa doesn’t ask. Because she doesn’t need to. Her body does all that is required to give Clarke her answer. Arms, decorated in a desirable tone of muscle, secure themselves around Clarke’s waist. Clarke gasps slightly as she’s pulled towards Lexa’s chest, their combined warmth contrasting the water surrounding them. The omega’s legs parting instinctively and straddling against the chiseled frame of the alpha’s stomach.

 

Her hips buck as she feels the once soften cock of her lover glide against her backside under the cooling water. Lexa needs to escape, Clarke knows this, and she was more than happy to run away from the rest the world with her. Together.

 

Clarke moves the hand behind her and takes her lover’s cock into her hold. Smirking just the slightest as she feels Lexa’s heart drum against her own chest at the gesture. She kisses Lexa again, stealing her breath with every ounce of power she had as she guides the alpha’s cock to her waiting entrance. Slowly, gently, she brings herself down. The mix of her own wetness and the water in the tub aiding her significantly endowed mate inside her.

 

Both women groan in pleasure as the walls of Clarke’s cunt safely shields Lexa within. Embracing her with all the love the omega held in her heart for the seasoned warrior. Causing tears of gratitude to fall from the commander’s tightly sealed eyes.

 

A sob from Lexa causes their lips to part as they begin to move together. The constant sinking and rising at a turtles’ pace with a skilled hammers force, causing the water to breach over the corners of the tub and litter the floor. Her grip on Clarke’s hips are one of desperation, clinging to her for dear life as her own hips jerk up and slams against Clarke’s rounded rump. Lexa feels herself approaching her climax sooner than she would have liked, but this was Clarke.

 

For the omega was her only solace.

 

Her sanctuary in a story of woes and losses.  

 

Her everything.

 

“Lexa…” Clarke feels the end coming for her too as the alpha’s forming knot begins to beat against her entrance. They had avoided impregnation for a long time. Both fearing that bringing a pup or more into a land still dipped in chaos would be unfair. But the look in Lexa’s eyes tell her something else. Something more.

 

‘Now? Are you sure?’ Her spirit asks through the guise of her own orbs to her mates.

 

Lexa gives her a confident nod. She knew that the war was far from over, but the thought of being taken away from Clarke without ever giving her the gift of her seed, was far more daunting. Never sharing the grace of motherhood with the woman she held to the highest reaches of the sky, that pained her more than words could offer. It was a thought that played tricks on her mind often as she rode into battle.

 

‘Should this be the last time I see her, part of me, of us, I want to leave behind.’ It was time. For her at least, and if Clarke accepted, she would do her damnedest to bring this ongoing conflict to a head faster than the gods would believe.

 

A smile accompanied with tears of elation find their way into the omega’s expression as she nods her head too in agreement. Lexa picks up pace then. Holding Clarke as firmly as she can as she thrusts herself inside fast and precise. It takes a little coaxing, but eventually the roundness of her knot makes its way through Clarke’s opening and pops into place.

 

Both women moan and sob with glee as the seal is complete and their bodies release simultaneously in a thrall of joy neither thought they could feel in times of war. Clarke’s eyes roll to the back of her head at the feel of Lexa cumming inside of her, filling her with no ways to escape, and planting their new future safely within the flesh of her belly. She had never felt so full. Never knew this level of content could overshadow all the other moments she spent with her mate.

 

Now they would have something that was brought together not by peace talks, treaties, or bloodshed. But born of their undying love and need for one another.