Actions

Work Header

How To Stop Masturbating For A Week

Work Text:

HOW TO STOP MASTURBATING FOR A WEEK

 

Beast Boy and Cyborg were always either playing pranks or having stupid contests to see who was better.

 

Contests such as: Who can have the highest score in a video game, who can run the fastest, who can burp the loudest (it was originally farting, but thankfully the other Titans talked them out of it), who can spend 24 hours dancing, who can spend 24 hours watching movies, who can only say a food item over and over (y’know the one I mean) and who can watch the Nicki Minaj Anaconda Fart Remix without laughing. 

 

Running out of ideas, Beast Boy and Cyborg were fresh out. B.B. decided to watch some TV and Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” video came on. Beast Boy was turned on by that sexy scene where she was dressed in leather shorts and those tights.

 

He grabbed onto his crotch, which had a huge bulge sticking out of his pants.

 

"Look what you made ME do!" Beast Boy purred at Taylor.

 

This gave Cyborg an idea.

 

“Beast Boy, I challenge you to go a whole week without masturbating.”

 

Beast Boy looked at Cy.

 

“You’re on!”

 

“Starting from…………..NOW!” announced Cyborg.

 

So the game was on.

 

 

 

 

Day One went by very easily.

 

“This is cake,” said Beast Boy. “I’m not even thinking about jerking off. Not even thinking of it.”

 

“Me neither,” said Cyborg.

 

 

 

Then Day Two came along.

 

Beast Boy and Cyborg were watching TV, and it was showing that sexy Taylor Swift video again. Beast Boy quickly changed the channel.

 

Cyborg had an idea. He had his tablet and showed Beast Boy the Taylor video on it. B.B. yelped. He knew that Cyborg was trying to get him horny. So Beast Boy got out his tablet and showed Cyborg a video on YouTube: Eva Mendes’ nude scene in “The Spirit”.

 

“Oh shit!” cried Cy as he had to make his move before he got aroused.

 

Cyborg then showed Beast Boy Eva Green’s nude scene in Sin City. Beast Boy then showed Cyborg Beyonce’s Crazy in Love video.

 

Soon, the rivals were in a whirlwind of showing each other sexy videos to make the other one hard.

 

Raven walked in to see what was going on.

 

“What is going on here?” she asked.

 

“BEAST BOY IS TRYING TO GIVE ME A HARD ON!” announced Cyborg.

 

Raven just looked at them, and then just walked away.

 

 

 

Day Three came and the duo were fighting the cravings.

 

“Dude, how do I know you’re not secretly masturbating behind my back?” asked Beast Boy.

 

“With my Masturbation Detector,” said Cyborg.

 

He held out his arm which had a scanner on it.

 

"If the light on my arm is green, it means that you haven’t jerked off in a while," said Cyborg.

 

He scanned his arm over his own crotch and then Beast Boy’s. The light turned green.

 

“But if you HAVE been jerking off….”

 

He scanned it at Robin, Starfire and Raven. The light turned red.

 

“Guys, this is stupid,” said Robin. “You need to stop doing this.”

 

“Never,” said Beast Boy and Cyborg.

 

 

 

Day Four came along and they were desperate.

 

Cyborg had an idea.

 

He was making tea for the Titans and he secretly had a small packet of Viagra.

 

He crunched the pills into powder and put it into one of the cups of tea.

 

He giggled to himself.

 

“This was gonna be great, B.B.’s gonna lose.”

 

But there was a problem. All of the cups were blue, and Cyborg couldn’t remember which one he put the Viagra in.

 

Shit! He thought. Oh well. It’s Russian Roulette .

 

He brought the cups over to the Titans who were on the sofa watching TV.

 

As they drank their teas, Cyborg pretended to drink his, hoping that he wasn’t the one who got it.

 

After 15 minutes, nothing was happening.

 

Which one of the Titans drank the viagra?

 

Raven felt strange. She ran her fingers through her hair.

 

“What’s wrong, Raven?” asked Robin.

 

“I dunno………,” she moaned. “I have a craving……… for a gigolo.”

 

She got up and floated over to the table which had the laptop. She looked up a goth gigolo online.

 

“Oh, he’ll do.”

 

Soon, Raven was heard inside her room, doing it with a goth gigolo.

 

“You may be a demoness, but you have the body of a supermodel,” said the gigolo. “It’s the outfit and legs.”

 

“Oh thank you,” moaned Raven with pleasure.

 

 

 

 

Later, Cyborg told Robin and Starfire that about the viagra in the tea and how it was meant to be for Beast Boy.

 

B.B. was nearby. He had turned himself into a fly and heard everything.

 

He needed revenge.

 

So that night whilst Cyborg slept, Beast Boy snuck into his room and opened up the robot’s head. He then placed a chip into his brain. He closed the head and walked away, cackling to himself.

 

The next morning, Cyborg refused to come out of his room. The other Titans were outside his door.

 

“Cyborg, you need to get out,” said Robin. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I’ll show you what’s wrong,” said Cyborg.

 

The door opened and Cyborg came out with a massive robotic erect penis.

 

“Whoa!” cried Raven.

 

Beast Boy started to laugh.

 

“Cy, did you have any nice dreams?”

 

“You did something didn't you!” snapped Cyborg. “You bastard!”

 

“Hey, it serves you right for putting Viagra into my tea!” Beast Boy barked back.

 

Raven raised her eyebrows. That was why she was aroused the day before.

 

“ENOUGH!” cried Robin. “This game has gone far enough! You two are being really stupid!”

 

“You just noticed that now ?” Raven remarked sarcastically.

 

“Just stop this stupid game before someone gets hurt!” said Robin.

 

“I’m not losing to this little shit,” replied Cyborg.

 

“I’m not losing to Robo-cock,” said Beast Boy, who stormed away.

 

Raven walked up to Cyborg and smacked him in the face.

 

"I deserved that," he said.

 

Later, he removed the sex chip from his brain.

 

 

 

The next day, Beast Boy and Cyborg were too depressed and angry at each other. The sooner this contest was over, the better.

 

There was the alarm.

 

“Titans Move!”

 

Gizmo, Jinx and Mammoth were attacking a bank.

 

“Alright, shit brains, fill up the sacks with green!” ordered Gizmo with two pistols at the ready.

 

As the staff filled up the bags with money, the Titans arrived.

 

“Titans Go!”

 

The battle was on.

 

Starfire fired her beams at Jinx, who just back flipped away from them.

 

Robin was fighting Mammoth with his staff.

 

Raven used her psychic power to pick up objects and throw them at Gizmo, but the little bastard had a force shield covering his body. The objects just bounced off.

 

“Try that again, Wednesday Addams!” taunted Gizmo.

 

Beast Boy and Cyborg were too weak to fight, due to the lack of masturbation over the week.

 

Mammoth grabbed Robin and threw him across the bank. He hit the wall hard.

 

“Guys, we could use some help here!” Robin cried to B.B. and Cyborg.

 

But the duo were zombies. There were out of action.

 

Gizmo fired a tranq dart at Raven’s arm, causing her to fall to the floor. Then the little shit fired a sonic blast at Starfire, causing her to fall too.

 

Gizmo, Jinx and Mammoth looked at Cyborg and Beast Boy.

 

The zombified duo had to do something!

 

Beast Boy noticed the dragon logo on the Chinese restaurant across the street. He had an idea.

 

“Dude,” he said to Cyborg. “Remember Robo-Dragon?”

 

“Oh yeah!” said Cyborg.

 

Beast Boy then turned himself into a dragon and Cyborg detached his entire body and clamped onto the dragon creating body armour.

 

Together, they were….

 

ROBO-DRAGON!

 

The three bastards were amazed.

 

“I didn’t know that asshole could turn himself into a dragon!” cried Gizmo.

 

The dragon breathed fire at the trio and they dodged. Then it launched missiles at them, which they also dodged.

 

Gizmo launched his mini missiles at the dragon, but it was no use. As they hit Robo-Dragon, they just went…...Pffttttt.

 

The trio of little bastards were fucked.

 

“Fuck this noise, let’s get outta here!” cried Gizmo.

 

And with that, he, Jinx and Mammoth just ran away.

 

 

 

Beast Boy and Cyborg changed back and everybody watching applauded.

 

Just then, Cy’s arm bleeped.

 

He looked at it.

 

“B.B., WE DID IT!”

 

He and Beast Boy cheered. It was an alarm clock that meant the time was up. They had both won the anti-masturbation contest.

 

“So, how will you guys celebrate?” asked Raven.

 

“Oh you know the answer to that one,” said Cyborg.

 

 

 

 

Back at Titans Tower, Cyborg was in his room jerking off:

 

“Oh MAMMA! OH BABY! OH YEAH! Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………...Booyah!”

 

Beast Boy was still jerking off in his room.

 

“Yeah, oh yeah, this is awesome!”

 

But then the door opened to reveal Starfire holding a book.

 

“Friend, I forgot to give you your book back.”

 

“STAR!” cried Beast Boy. “GET OUT! I’M GONNA………..”

 

Robin and Raven were in the living room watching TV, until they heard a massive splattering noise coming from the corridor. They got up to investigate.

 

They ran into the corridor and were shocked by what they saw.

 

“What………… the fuck?” asked Raven.

 

Starfire was pinned to the wall covered in gallons of Beast Boy’s semen.

 

“Star, I’m really sorry!” said Beast Boy. “But I did warn you.”

 

“That’s okay, Beast Boy,” said Starfire as she wiped the cum from her face. “Tamaranean men can ejaculate geysers. There is an award winning documentary about it that I most show you.”

 

“Sounds interesting,” Raven replied sarcastically.

 

“I’m going to take a shower,” said Starfire as she walked away leaving sperm footprints.

 

“You're cleaning this up,” Robin told Beast Boy. “That’s what happens when you don’t ejaculate in a week.”

 

He and Raven walked back to the living room. Beast Boy went to Cyborg’s room.

 

“Cy, I need your help.”

 

Talk about a climax, eh?

 

THE END