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mooncakes, bunnies, tombstones and tears.

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i envy the sun you catch the rays
envy the love that you embrace
envy the one i can't replace, oh i envy
envy the hands touching your face
envy the arms around your waist
envy the man taking my place, oh i envy, i envy him
i envy him. i envy him  


gillbert didn't want to be here. he was staring, at the love of his life, marrying the man that he hated with a burning passion. 

erzsébet had her glowing, brown hair down, flowing over her exposed shoulders, and she was wearing the most beautiful white gown gilbert has ever seen. maybe that's just because erzsébet was wearing it. 

"should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

gilbert kept his lips sealed. he only wished for erzsébet's happiness, and there was absolutely no way he would want to disrupt something he was sure she wanted. 

the church bells chimed, and the room erupted into cheers as gilbert sat rooted in his position, his eyes glued to the ground. slowly, he stood up, and dragged his feet out the church. 

what he failed to notice was the pair of bright green eyes following him, her heart falling to the feet as she watched the love of her life walking towards the exit, forever holding his silence. 

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it was the 1500s. arthur kirkland walks the late-night deserted streets of london, basking in the moonlight. out of the blue, a girl runs into him before backing up and apologising profusely. she had long, flowy brown hair and eyes to match. she would've been beautiful, if it wasn't for the ugly blue-black bruises and the fresh cuts that littered not just her face, but her entire body as well. 

"my god! are you alright?" arthur asked the lady, concern lacing his voice.

"no," the lady responded. "please help me, my husband will have my head if he finds out that i have run away from home."

arthur paled, instantly knowing the reason why this lady is out at this hour and why her body is littered with so many horrendous blotches of blue and black. 

a silent 'yes' fell from his lips and the rest, as people say, is history. 


it was the 1800s, the lady that arthur met on the streets nearly 300 years ago, had passed away. her name was victoria chartette, he learned. and he told himself that he will never forget that name for as long as he lives. 

she was the one who taught him love, the one who taught him how it feels like to be embraced by someone you hold so close to your heart, the one who taught him that love was blind, and it knows no boundaries. 

at the end of her days, she had asked arthur a question, "do you believe in rebirth?" 

no, he told her, he didn't believe in rebirth. 

but now standing in front of him was a little girl who looks identical to victoria. 

her eyes reflected the same colour as the lady he met so long ago and her hair was the same shade as well. 

"what's your name?" he asked the little girl.

"i don't know," was her timid response. "the villagers call me the new singapura."

"from now on, your name will be victoria. victoria kirkland," arthur spoke. 


victoria's question lingered in his mind. 

"do you believe in rebirth?" 

his answer may have been 'no' but times have changed and so has his belief. 

"yes, victoria. i believe in rebirth."

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"стоп! калі ласка, спыніце! [1]" natalya yelled as she snapped her eyes open and sat up, her lungs desperately trying to get all the oxygen it needs. she was panting as she clenched her chest with one hand while the other held onto her blanket tightly. 

tears pricked the edges of her eyes as she covers her face with her hands, silently sobbing into her palms. 

"belarus?" a voice called out from the door as it slowly opened, the light from outside seeping into her lonely and dark room. natalya raised her head and looked towards the door, seeing tolys standing there, a concerned look on his face. slowly and hesitantly, he walked over to her side and wrapped his arms around her figure. 

she clung onto him, burying her face into his shoulder and cried harder. "i don't want to live like this anymore..." she mumbled in between sobs as she kept a firm grip on tolys, spilling her heart's content onto his shirt. tolys' blood runs cold as she mumbled those words, he himself feeling no different from what she was feeling. 

he ran his fingers through her hair as he held her close, keeping silent. 

"i want this to end..." she choked out, her body shaking with sobs at this point. "i don't want to be belarus anymore..." she spluttered weakly. 

tolys bit his lips and buried himself into natalya's soft, silky hair. "i don't want to be lithuania too," he mumbled. "it hurts, it hurts for both of us. but we have to bite through it, for our people," he continued, heaving a deep sigh. "for the pride of our nations."

"it hurts..." she repeated. "we're both hurting..." she mumbled into his shoulder. she leaned back and stared into his eyes. "you're hurting more so than me..." she mumbled, lifting her hands up to rest them on his face. she wiped the tears that he didn't even know were running down. "stay with me, don't leave me," she pleaded as she placed her ear close to his chest, listening to tolys' heartbeats, which always seemed to soothe her nerves. 

"i won't leave you..." he sighed, running his fingers through her hair again. 

tolys slowly started to drift into the land of sleep with natalya in his arms, steadily falling back asleep as well. 

"i'll stay strong, for us."

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a disturbing snapping sound resounded in the room, accompanied by a shrill scream of pain that came from alfred. tears flowed down his face as he felt ivan grip the blades of his dislocated left wing. 

"no...please stop..." alfred whimpered, crawling towards ivan who towered over his frail figure. that plea fell on deaf ears, as ivan violently tore the wing away from alfred's body as the latter let out another shrill cry of pain. blood poured out from alfred's back, staining his white clothes with his sinful blood. 

"why should i stop? you claim to love me, but you might use those dainty wings of yours to leave my side." 

"ivan...i really mean i-it..." alfred choked out. 

"i can never be sure, alfred sweetie..." ivan mumbled, kneeling down to alfred's level. his large palm caressed alfred's face, and he pressed his lips against alfred's in a tender, loving kiss before pulling away.

"that's why i must do this, so you will never leave me."

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don't do it, they would say.

don't do establish relations with the soviet union, they would say. 

well, do they know where they can stick their warnings? 

up their asses, that's where. 

it was 1968, and three years prior, singapore had just gained her independence.

since then, she has already established relations with many countries, including west germany, and the united kingdom just to name a few. there were still many countries to become friends with, however, she was happy with the progress she has made. 

and now she's going to become friends with the soviet union. 

america had warned her time and time again, not to cross his path, and he made sure he nailed his point back home with her.

but did she listen?

no. of course she didn't.

the sound of the door opening and the shuffling of feet snapped singapore out of her thoughts. she snapped her head to the door, jolted out of her seat and stood upright, like a soldier standing at attention. 

"it's nice to finally meet you, singapore." 

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heroes don't cry, so america shouldn't cry as well, because he was a hero and heroes don't cry. 

america shouldn't cry, he can't show the other nations his weakness. he couldn't show them that he was weak and that he was unfit to be the powerhouse of nations. 

he can't let himself become the laughing stock of all the nations. he can't let every nation view him as useless and stupid. he can't let the other nations hate him. he can't cry, because heroes don't cry. 

others often wonder why america always seemed so cheerful, to the point of being slightly obnoxious. 

his answer?

"because heroes don't cry!"

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yao sighed as he traced his fingers around the packaging of the mooncake, staring longingly at the mid-autumn delicacy as he wondered about his lover. 

was he eating well? was he getting enough sleep? was he making sure he wasn't falling sick? was he overworking himself? 

yao constantly asked himself the questions that he knew would never be answered, but he still worried over his lover's well-being.

"it's that time of the year again, ivan," yao mumbled as he looked up at the full moon that hung up high in the night sky. "i got the mooncakes that you love so much," he added, a gentle, loving smile adorned on his face.

yao knelt there alone, at ivan's tombstone, his pale, slender fingers ghosting over his lover's name as a single tear fell from his eyes, landing on the mooncake, all while keeping a gentle, comforting smile on his face. 

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"i'm right here, alfred," arthur said in a tired, almost sleepy voice. "what's wrong?" he asked, sitting up on their shared bed, staring at alfred with concerned and worried eyes. 

"i-i h-had a dream...where...where y-you were b-being killed...a-and i couldn't d-do anything to save you," alfred choked, his red and puffy eyes looking at arthur. 

arthur sighed, and wrapped his arms around alfred's neck and pulled him close to him, saying, "don't worry, i will never be killed. if ever i was in trouble, i'm sure you'll save me just like the hero you are."

they spend most of their nights like this, but arthur never minded, and he was ever so loving and caring to his lover. 

to him, he was alfred's queen, and alfred was his broken king. 

arthur wouldn't have it any other way.

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"prussia?" canada's soft and meek voice called out as he shifted around in the grass, getting closer to his lover. 

"hm? what is it birdie?" prussia asked, closing his eyes and wrapping an arm around canada's body, pulling canada as close to him as possible. 

"do you ever think..." canada paused, biting his lips, his eyes looking up at the stars that littered the night sky. "about what will happen if you fade completely?" he finished, intertwining his fingers with prussia's cold and pale ones. 

gilbert stayed silent, staring off into the night sky just like canada. "i try not to think about that, so you don't think about it either!" he answered, flashing canada the smile that the latter always adored and loved. 

silently, the two lovers stayed within each other's arms, under the moonlight, none of the world's faults bothering them in the slightest, and enjoying each other's company, before it was too late. 

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in the morning, erzsébet would wake up feeling empty and sorrowful but she always swallowed these emotions down, ready to put on brave face to take on the unforgiving world. she would get up and make two cups of coffee, for her and her husband, gilbert, who never seemed to finish his cup. after their morning coffee, she would get ready to go to work.

at noon, she would get her lunch break where she returns home to check on her husband. who knows what gilbert would be doing at this hour? he was always so unpredictable. 

at night, erzsébet would return home to an empty, desolate and silent house, as the reality of her husband's death two years ago finally starts to weigh down on her, breaking her down and reducing her to a tear-stained mess. after that, she would get ready for bed, ready to dream all about her husband's charms and quirks.

and the cycle repeats. 

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iryna stared up at the ceiling of the deary room as she laid naked on the bed. the room smelt of cigarette smoke and sex as she piled her blanket on top of herself. 

this was tiring, she thought. this hurts, she told herself. reluctantly, she pulled herself out of bed and got herself dressed, properly dressed, she affirmed to herself. 

she dragged her feet back to her small house, where she took care of her little siblings, and not where her dirty and filthy job takes place. her figure glided across the floor as she opened the door to her siblings' shared room and she woke them up, getting them ready for the day. 

once they go to school, iryna would stare out the window of their run-down and small home, imagining what life would be like their mother hadn't left them. 

and she would sing a tune, drowning out all her sorrows and pain as the thoughts of her childhood fill her mind. 

and she'll sing. 

and sing. 

until the pain is gone.


and i, will claim that i love you.
i am the one who birthed you.

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"'re not leaving me alone, are you?" russia's unusually meek voice asked, causing ukraine's and belarus' blood to run cold. ukraine let out a nervous chuckle as she slowly turned to face him, a convincing, kind smile plastered onto her face, her face looking as serene as ever. 

"of course not!" ukraine chirped, adjusting her suspender's straps. "we're just going out to get some groceries!" she lied as belarus simply stared straight ahead, keeping silent. 

russia trusts them, he knew they wouldn't leave him alone. they were his siblings after all, why would they leave a fellow brother behind! they won't leave like all the others!

that night, ukraine and belarus packed their bags and left, leaving russia, and turning the once bustling mansion, filled with nations, into a quiet and lonely mansion where the biggest nation will forever reside in, with no one to call his own. 

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berwald pressed the cloth against tino's wound gently, watching as the blood drenched the cloth in that god awful red that berwald would usually be fine seeing, but not when it was pouring out of his lover. 

"help is coming," berwald mumbled to tino as tears rolled down his cheeks, much to tino's concern. 

"why are you crying?" tino's small and weak voice asked, slowly lifting up his palm to caress berwald, a concerned look painting his face despite him losing so much blood. tino wiped away berwald's tears. "you don't usually cry..."

"why are you worried about that?" berwald breathed out, as he tried to patch up tino's injuries, as much as he could anyways. 

"it's not like you to cry like that..."

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"stop it, you stupid dane," lukas' annoyed voice said, as he rolled his eyes. 

"why? do you not like it when i do this to your hair?" matthias laughed, running his finger through lukas' soft, blonde locks, watching as they stayed in place, his fingers falling right through his hair. 

"no, it just feels cold," lukas answered, his eyes glued to the book in his hands. 

"everything i touch will feel cold to you," matthias remarked as he sat in the space beside lukas on the couch. lukas felt himself shiver, and matthias seemed to notice that as well, as he got up quickly and opted to just stand around him. 

"don't you feel sad?" matthias asked.

"why would i?" lukas questioned, still looking at his book.

"because i died so many years before you."

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he didn't know why, he wanted to to know why. why is that he cries when it's silent out, when the world is asleep, deaf to his sounds and blind to his tears? 

he also wondered why he is even crying. he had a good life, didn't he? he had a lot of money, didn't he? he has many friends and fame beyond comprehension, right? he had people to rely on...right?

heroes don't cry, he always told himself in the day. heroes don't ever cry, he would affirm himself. heroes have picture-perfect lives, he told himself. heroes don't have to cry.

heroes do cry, he tells himself in the dead of night, when the whole world is asleep, blind to all his problems.

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matt loved his family.

he loved it when his father, francois, would bring random women back from a random club that he visits every night. matt loved when he could hear whatever they were doing from his room.

matt loved it when his father, oliver, would randomly scream out of nowhere and accuse matt of doing outrageous things. matt loved when oliver would sob his heart out in the dead of night.

matt loved it when he could smell the scent of weed — or whatever the hell he was smoking — coming from his brother's, allen's, room. matt loved it when allen would keep himself lock in his room all day, probably high or something.

matt loved his family.

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lovino was so tired with being played by so many people that he just closed himself up entirely, became cold, became cynical, became the type of person no one wanted to surround themselves with. 

so he often wondered why antonio liked him so much.

antonio was cheerful and lovable. he had the most beautiful sun-kissed skin lovino had ever seen, and the most gorgeous olive green eyes that held so much life and happiness. many girls swoon over him, and people love being around him. 

antonio was the polar opposite of lovino. 

lovino wondered why antonio stayed up for so many nights, on the phone with him, trying to comfort lovino when he broke down in the dead of night.

lovino wondered why antonio would sometimes fly over to his place if he knew lovino was feeling down and just stay with him, holding lovino in his arms and making him feel loved. 

lovino knows antonio will grow tired of him one day, but no matter how many times he pushes antonio away, he will never leave lovino's side. 

antonio was persistent on staying by lovino's side, swearing to himself that he will never abandon him for anything or anyone else.

maybe somethings do last.

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can you imagine it? living through multiple centuries, experiencing all the different wars and still waking up to find out that you haven't died, and you never will, not until another nation kills you. 

living through so many years of hardships, so many years of broken friendships that will never be mended and so many years of wars that never seemed to end. 

can you imagine it? the countless people they've watched die, knowing full well that they can do nothing stop their deaths. 

sometimes, knowing full well that they were the cause of their deaths.

can you imagine it? finally able to find someone you love wholeheartedly and wanting to start a family with them, but instead, you watch them on their death bed, old and sick, while you stay young and healthy forevermore. 

can you imagine it? the lives these countries go through? 

sometimes, being immortal just isn't worth it.

but tell me, can you imagine it? 

i know i can't.

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natalya pointed her pistol at alfred who mirrored her action. 

the step counter showed, but neither of them paid any mind to it. they had better things to worry about. 

they both took one step forward. 


"put the weapon down, princess," alfred spoke. 

"why should i? i have a mission to complete and the mission wants you dead, alfred f. jones," she snarled, her grip on the pistol tightening as she took a step forward.


"shoot me, i dare you," alfred taunted, throwing away the pistol that he pointed at natalya and holding out his hands as if showing that he had no weapons. 

natalya took another step forward.


the deafening sound of the pistol firing echoed throughout the alley, as natalya fell to her knees and stared at alfred's motionless body. 

she glanced at her wrist. 

there were no more steps left. 

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as acid pours from the sky, i will stand right by your side, holding your hand as we stare at the dying world beneath our feet. we will patiently wait as our friends and family begin to leave the land of the living and join their ancestors up above.

you would like that, wouldn't you, gil? you would like to see germania up there right? who wouldn't, honestly. i, myself, want to see magyar up there too. but death will come slow for us, just like it had for our ancestors, just like it will for all of our friends. 

when that time comes, i will stay by your side just like you have always stayed beside mine, and we will die in each other's arms. 

a fitting end for the end of the world, no?

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erzsébet pulled her light brown curls in a sharp and neat ponytail, quickly tying a hand band to keep it in place. her hands reached for the iridescent pearl necklace that sat on the table and brought it to her neck, clasping it at the back. 

she held up the pressed powder and swiped the cushion around her face, making sure the entire surface is coated evenly with product. she checked in the mirror to see if her lipstick was prim and proper, just the way she likes it. 

she stood up and turned on her heels, putting on her favourite pair of heels before snatching her kitchen knife that sat on the top of the cabinet and walking out the door, into the streets of budapest, ready to look for her next victim.

she wasn't just a simple, traditional housewife — she was a murderer.

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"you're too young to understand what we're talking about, let alone try to solve our problems!" was what england or america would say to her if she tried to offer suggestions on issues that all the other nations were discussing about. they would flash her a protective look and singapore would always be confused. 

"you will never understand our problems and our troubles! go back to your western friends!" was what thailand or china would say if she tried to offer a helping hand to them when they had problems. they would give her a look of disgust and distrust, as though she had wronged them somehow. 

in the dead of night, singapore would hug her knees close to her torso, silently sobbing away her fears, sadness and problems, thinking about how her feelings were never taken into the other nation's considerations, and how everything was about them. 

all she wanted was for someone, just one person, to one day, care about her.

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"oh christ's bloody sake, can't you ever do anything right?" alice's sharp voice would chastise, her eyes casting a menacing glare at alfred. alfred would stumble back a few steps, keeping his eyes glued to the ground as alice would continue to yell at him, blaming him for everything wrong in her life. 

"no! if you leave, i will kill myself!" alice would plead, her voice sounding so pathetic as she pleaded for alfred to stay whenever he would threaten to leave her side. she would grip alfred's hands tightly and not let go, no matter how hard alfred would try to pull away from her grip. before long, however, he would stop trying to pull away, and he would return to the same toxic life that they both lead. 

one day, however, alfred will reach his breaking point, but for now, he will put up with alice, because he loves her too much. 


you magnified even my minor mistakes
and pushed me to the edge of the cliff
well i love you anyway,
that’s why i put up with you

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love you so bad, love you so bad
for you, i’m enacting a pretty lie
love it’s so mad, love it’s so mad
i’m erasing myself to become your doll  


antonio doesn't know how much longer he can keep this up. the smile that he wears almost everyday is starting to falter, and it feels wrong to even be smiling. the cheerful attitude is starting to withering, his words now carrying the weight of his feelings. 

but he won't let it show, because if he does, lovino will leave him. if he lets anything show, lovino will think of him as useless. if he lets anything show, lovino will hate him. if he falters, his love, his lovino, will be gone.

that's why he keeps a smile on his face everyday, even if he is slowly chipping away. 


why you sad? i don’t know, i don’t know
smile, tell me you love me  

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on this night, they are ludwig and feliciano. not germany or italy, just ludwig and feliciano, the two fools so stupidly in love with one another and staring into each other's eyes lovingly.

ludwig's hands were placed at feliciano's hips while the smaller man's arms were wrapped around ludwig's neck. they swayed along together, enjoying the tranquillity that they had.

"ludwig?" feliciano's soft voice called out, prompting the bigger man to make a sound of acknowledgement. a soft sigh fell from feliciano's lips. "don't you ever think about how we'll have to stay this young forever? why can't we grow old like humans? why can't we die together like humans?" 

ludwig pondered over an answer before deciding to lean in and place a soft, feather-like kiss on feliciano's forehead, whispering,

"it doesn't matter, because you will always be young and beautiful in my eyes."


will you still love me
when i've got nothing but my aching soul?
i know you will, i know you will
i know that you will  

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and if i cried now, would you kiss the tears away?
since there’s nothing really left to say
just hold me tight and never let me go


"matvey," iryna's melodic and shaking voice called,  prompting the said boy to turn around to face her. her light blue eyes reflected sadness and remorse but the bright smile she kept on her face would tell you otherwise.

"y-yes?" matthew squeaked, feeling his face heating up and getting red when all he did was look at her. god damn it, matthew. get a better grip on yourself.

"i-i..." the girl started, her lips quivering as she rushed to find the words to tell him. "i love you," she muttered out, her eyes staring at the ground and her eyes filling with tears.

matthew stared at her with admiration before sighing and gripped her shoulders, forcing her to break her gaze from the ground and look right into his violet eyes. the both of them shared a moment of silence before matthew inched closer to her.

"c-can i k-kiss you?" he stuttered, looking into her tear-filled blue eyes. iryna gave a timid nod, and matthew pressed his lips against her soft ones, sealing the gap between them and giving her a soft kiss.

tears rolled down from iryna's eyes as she kissed back, not a fiber of her wanting to leave his embrace.

the bell rang, signalling to the couple that it was time to part. they pulled away, and shared a moment of tranquility before matthew walked into the train in front of them, giving iryna a small wave.

she wiped away her tears and gave him a gentle smile, knowing that she will never be complete without matthew's presence but he didn't need to know.

as the train began to depart, matthew traced his finger over his lips, knowing that he will miss the sensation of iryna's lips pressed against his.


around this time next year i wonder where we’ll be?
even if you don’t remember me,
i hope you’ll always be smiling and happy

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"go on, natalya," ivan's cold, emotionless voice whispered to the woman. "kill him and your mission will be done." he guided the hand holding her pistol and aimed it at the tied-up man. "are you loyal to your love or your agency?"

natalya hesitated, something she doesn't usually do, and her hand was trembling. her lips parted and quivered, as though she was on the verge of tears. her fingers tightened around her weapon, her mind telling her to follow her superior's orders, but her heart telling her to spare alfred's precious life. alfred stayed unusually silent, adding on to the tense atmosphere.

her mind reeled, but her heart's wishes rang louder, and in the end, she pointed the pistol at herself and pulled the trigger, the bullet plunging through her head and blood splattering on the ground. her body fell to the floor, motionless, dead.

”my loyalty stands with my heart,” natalya would always say. she wasn’t wrong, was she?

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victoria's reflection glistened on the surface of the coffee that she was absentmindedly stirring, a hand propping up her head, a soft sigh falling from her lips.

the memories from that day clouded her mind, the pained face of her friends' forever taking up her headspace. what right did victoria have that she had to live like nothing has changed while her friends suffered in their own homes, desperately trying to find solutions for their ever-growing problems?

maybe if she had helped them, instead of immediately associating with russia and china, they might've stood a chance. maybe if she had defied her bosses, instead of going with them, her friends might've had enough to make it through. maybe, if she hadn't believed that they were strong enough, she wouldn't have thought everything would solve itself. 

in the past, there was always a maybe to her, but now, all the maybes have vanished, leaving her to see the consequences of her lack of action.

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america was so frail and fragile, it was almost as if he would break at the slightest amount of pressure, and he just let himself rot away in his own home, already aware that at this point, there was no one to cry to, there was no one to lean on. 

japan? he's too far gone as well, doubt he can even help america in this state. england? he's probably too busy gushing over how he is once again stronger that america. canada? he's only barely clinging onto what was left of his finances. france? too far gone, he can't survive much longer. singapore? she's too busy sleeping with every last rich nation, why else would she abandon america and the others like that?

gosh, he missed the days when everyone were more carefree, and when the world wasn't so shitty, or maybe, the world has always been shitty, they've just never paid it any mind until now. gone were the days where matthew would come over to alfred's house just to play some game, the days where arthur would come over to visit alfred, the both of them making love late into the night. 

alfred just hopes that his country has left something for the end of this era, and something for the start of the new era.

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"i will never hurt you." was what saeyoung heard when his mother took him and saeran, but look where it got the both of them? abused, locked up, starved. saeyoung was never going to believe such a lie ever again.

"i will never hurt you." was what jihyun said to saeyoung when he offered to bring the young boy to the intelligence agency. look where it got saeyoung? abandoning his younger, weaker brother and resulting in a mad woman making saeran unstable. saeyoung was never going to believe such a lie ever again.

"i will never hurt you." came rana's gentle and soft voice as her hazel brown hair cascading over her shoulders as she holds saeyoung close to her, her body radiating warmth that made him feel safe and secure, as if she was his safe haven. 

although he didn't want to believe it, deep down in the dark corners of his heart, he knows that this time, it isn't a lie.

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margarita stared at kasper's motionless body, tucked comfortably into the blanket and laying so peacefully in their bed. 

"is this enough for you? or would you prefer more women in the room?" margarita asked, her fingers ghosting over kasper's face, tracing his closed eyes, nose and lips. "why aren't you speaking? you're normally very nosy with your opinions and thoughts," she remarked after seeing how still her husband has become.

"do you want the women you have been with to sleep as well? don't worry, i already got that done," margarita smiled. her eyes shot to the clock that was hung on the wall. "oh look at the time! i need to continue on my work," she said as she pressed a soft kiss onto kasper's forehead, a gentle smile dancing on her lips.

as margarita closes the bedroom behind her, even she knows that her husband will never meet the light of day again.

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the letter that you wrote that faithful day is still sitting on my nightstand, untouched. i haven't opened it yet, i can't bring myself to. i always tell people that i am over your passing, that i'm too awesome to dwell on the sad past. that's the ugly lie, i never moved past you, i will never get over your death. your letter sitting on my nightstand reminds me of you everyday, and it is too painful for me to read it. it's too painful. it's too hurtful. 

you know why? because it reminds me that you are gone, that you are no longer here, that i can no longer see you, hold you, talk to you or kiss you. i hate that fact. you know, i always think about how it would've been if i had found out earlier. maybe if i had found out that you were taken advantage of earlier, i would've helped you, i would've given you all my love. i could've stopped you from tying that rope that faithful day.

but no, instead all i have now is a letter to remember you by and the memories to keep me company at night. i love you, erzsébet. come back to me.

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>install emotions.exe?
WARNING: the program may overheat the android, resulting in a system shutdown, would you like to proceed?
yes / no

kiku's dull brown eyes scanned over the question being displayed, feeling his curiosity peaked at the prospect of 'emotions'.  it was something his creator, arthur, always told him about. he said all humans had 'emotions' and they were things such as, 'happiness', 'sadness', and 'anger'. 

as an artificial life-form, he never could understand the concept of 'emotions', let alone feel them. he glanced over the simple question displayed on the screen one more time, and pressed yes. 

>installing emotions.exe, the process may take a while.

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"can you maybe tell me a story?" ludwig asked, tugging gilbert's shirt. gilbert rubbed his chin in thought before he looked at ludwig.

"i have a lot of awesome stories, which one do you want to listen to?"

"the one that you think is the best."

"hm...there is this awesome story that i thought of!" he paused for a moment. "here i go!"

"once there was a boy who was lonely, he had no family or any other friends. he was just...lonely." gilbert started. "he lived for a very long time, he met a lot of different people but none of them wanted to stay with the boy for long."

"one day he met a man who welcomed the lonely boy with open arms, and taught him many things, like how to paint, how to play many instruments and how to write. but you know what was the most important that man taught the lonely boy?"

ludwig shook his head 'no'.

"that man taught the lonely boy how to love. he taught him what happiness was, what sadness was, and most importantly, he taught him how to live a fulfilling and worthwhile life."

"does anything happen after that?"

"of course! the man was like a father to the boy but like all things, everything must come to end right? eventually the man was on the brink of death, and the boy, youthful and energetic as ever, sat beside him."

"the man grasped the boy's hand in his one last time and told the boy, 'when you look up at the night sky, the brightest star is me, looking down at you.'..." gilbert's voice died down to a whisper as his eyes drifted down to a sleeping ludwig.

"...and i'll never fade..." he finished, getting off from bed and leaning down to his little brother's level. "gute nacht," he whispered, before standing up and leaving the room.


"when i die, i'll be a star. so look at the brightest star and know that i will always be watching over you..."

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鲜红色的血从他的手上滴到厕所里的白地板。亚瑟吸了一口气,看了看他自己的身体, 对自己想到:“阿尔弗雷德现在一定会爱我了!我连別人都替他杀了。”



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the blood dripped from his pale, ashy hands down to the pristine, white floor of the bathroom. arthur took a look at himself, and smiled to himself. "now alfred will love me! i even killed someone for him!"

he laughed maniacally, but icy, cold tears trickled down from his emerald green eyes. what was happening? why did arthur have such a reaction. has he gone mad? insane? he didn't even know.

that day, the person arthur killed was himself, because he knew that someone like alfred would never love someone as stupid, as useless and as imperfect as arthur kirkland. 

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did erzsébet just catch gilbert fucking another girl in his office? yes, she just did. was she ready to dump gilbert's albino ass? yes, in fact, she was more that ready to do just that. was she feeling betrayed, devastated and agony beyond human comprehension? yes, she was. 

as soon as she admitted that last bit to herself, she swallowed down her sorrow thickly and held the bitter tears that pooled around her waterline back, determined not to cry over gilbert. no, she will not cry over him. he isn't worth her tears. he isn't worth her energy. he isn't worth knowing that erzsébet was pregnant. he isn't worth anything. 

yet, in the privacy of her own bedroom, crying over gilbert seemed to be the only thing erzsébet was doing, but she wouldn't let anyone know that.


i like being alone, because i should be true to myself

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bleak was the word to describe matthew's world. cold and monochrome. that was his everyday life. there was no colour, no warmth, just him and his sadness that follows him every where he goes. his interactions with the people around him are all an act. the smiles he show others are fake, the laughs he lets out in front of others are fabricated. nothing he shows others are real. 

no one will ever love him, no one will ever notice him. everyone will leave one day and they will leave matthew all alone in this unforgiving world. 

but nothing really mattered as he laid in the arms of his lover, watching as gilbert rambled on about his day and how bad or good it was, and in that moment, matthew decided that, maybe his world wasn't so bleak and colourless after all. just then, gilbert flashed matthew a bright smile, and it washes all of matthew's troubles away, leaving him slightly more hopeful.

the world may be cruel and unforgiving, but gilbert will always be there to make it slightly better and that's enough for matthew. 

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when people said the world would end soon, i would have never thought it would be like this. i would have never thought that natsu would be the one to end the world. i never thought he would leave me alive.

but he did.

he did not utter a word to me, he only went on murdering zeref and all our friends. their blood paint his hands crimson red and he never once looked back at their bodies. yet he left me alone.

natsu is still in there. i know he is.

that’s why i’ll do everything i can to bring him back.

it may be the end of fairy tail’s story, but it’s not yet the end for natsu.

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do whatever you want,
even if you’re mean
and you make me sad.
you need to be yourself,
even if i’m not feeling well,
and it’s a sad ending.


alfred was late. again. this wasn't fine. kiku should be doing something about this. but he won't, because he is alfred's dear boyfriend and alfred didn't like assertive people.

kiku knew exactly what alfred was doing behind his back. he often came back with lipstick stains on his shirt and sometimes, alfred comes back smelling like perfume, something that the blond man never wore.

but kiku will keep quiet. he will stay quiet as long as alfred is happy. even if it hurts kiku.

because alfred was the hero, and heroes will never hurt anyone.


the show must go on.

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i'll search the universe,
until i can find you again.
i won't let go, even the smallest memories.
memories engraved in the seasons,
they come and go several times
but i will still call out to you.


the endless cold rain seemed to convey gray's emotions, cold and gloomy. his hair covered his eyes and the rain perfectly masked his bitter tears, but it wasn't like there was anyone there to find him...not anymore anyways. not after what happened with alvarez.

he pulled the scarf closer to him. he was never one to wear layers when out in the cold, but he made an exception this time. the scarf was special, because juvia made it, and because he was never going to see juvia again. 

the image of juvia, motionless in his arms while gray desperately tries to get her to just open her eyes dammit was all too vivid in his mind. but she didn't, and she never did. 

and it was all for him. like it always has been. 

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happy was a word i only read in books
happy was only a name of a puppy


drip. drip. drop.

juvia's world had always been gloomy. rain followed her everywhere she went. it was how she lived, it was how she remained alone. everyone hated the rain. they said it was so depressing. they said it ruined their day of bonding. happiness wasn't something she had known, it wasn't something she was familiar with.

juvia is the rain woman. 

until she met gray fullbuster, and suddenly her world was not so gloomy anymore. she has  met many friends and gained many allies along the way. the rain stopped following her, and she greets everyday with a bright smile. happiness is something she cherishes now, something that she hopes will never be taken away from her ever again.

not anymore.

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"chung liên, what is your favourite flower?" kasem asked as chung liên continued with cleaning her room. 

"a lotus," she answered, her gaze never once leaving her hands. she thought for a while and then she stopped cleaning. "why?" she asked, turning around to look at the man that stood outside her window. 

no one. there was no one. did he just disappear?


over the next few days, lotuses kept popping up on chung liên's windowsill and she can't help but wonder if it was kasem's doing. but nevertheless, she still cared for the lotuses and even used them to decorate her dull room. 

until one day, the lotuses stopped coming. 

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life returned to some sort of normalcy after everything that happened. zeref was defeated, and fiore was in safe hands once again. team natsu was officially back in business!

the first thing that happened was that all of team natsu were promoted to s-class. isn't that exciting? that gives them access to go on s-class jobs that were never like any of the ones they had done before. but ultimately that means that s-class jobs are going to harder than the ones they done — but no one ever said that a little challenge was bad! 

a crack appeared in the sky, and soon the world around lucy was breaking and collapsing.

a lie, it was all a lie. 

no one survived, and lucy barely made it out with her life. 

her deepest wish, her one true prayer...

bring back what once was mine.

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if you turn back time,
to when we first met. 
don't stand there, underneath the streetlight.
don't smile, and push your hair back like that
so that,
i can just pass you by.


katsuki let out an annoyed huff as he adjusted his scarf, treading through the pavements painted white with snow. his hand clasps at nothing, and he asks himself what he's doing. there was no one's hand to hold, no one's hand to warm up. only his, and his alone.

why was he even out here anyways? it was freezing, he should be at home, huddled up in fluffy and soft blankets, cuddling with- 

get out of his head! get out! he had no place in his heart, not after what he did for katsuki. not after defending the weak katsuki like that. 


the blood splattered on katsuki, but he never felt the sharp pain piercing his body, neither did he feel the sweet release of death that he embraced himself for. 

instead, as his eyes slowly peel open, he sees izuku slumped over his shoulder, limp, motionless. his chest wasn't even moving. 

"d-deku...?" god, katsuki hated how shaky his voice was, but he couldn't help it. katsuki's hands move up to caress izuku's back gently, and all he feels is wet, and he sees crimson. 

"deku, you fucking idiot! why would you- why did you- how could you-" katsuki's voice sounded pitiful, but in that moment, he couldn't care less as bitter tears run down his cheeks. 

"izuku...dammit! i hate you, i hate you!" 


let's not forget our love.
you and me,
us, forever.