Chapter 1: It Begins
CigarBoi has added TheBestJacobs, BisexualityDisaster, TheMatureOne, Cute_as_ducks, BestofBrooklyn, CanIGetAWaffle, CanIPleaseGetAWaffle, KillerPanda, BlinkBlink, BestBi, SpicySpecs, PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon, Real_name_hidden, AggravatedCremeBrulee, Buh-buh-BACON, TheGayAwakens, Gred, Forge, and Bi-AcedReporter to Sassy Chickens.
CanIGetAWaffle: why is that the name
CigarBoi: why is Albert your name
TheMatureOne: Why am I here?
CigarBoi: if you want to leave
CigarBoi: the door is right there
BestofBrooklyn: kk thx
BestofBrooklyn has left Sassy Chickens
TheMatureOne: has left Sassy Chickens
BisexualityDisaster has added BestofBrooklyn and TheMatureOne to Sassy Chickens
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: why are you all up
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: Al and i were marathoning Indiana Jones
CigarBoi: i was watching Love, Simon
Bi-AcedReporter: how many times have you seen it???
CigarBoi: i lost count after the first 15 times
Bi-AcedReporter: only 15??? I thought it was more
CigarBoi: ive watched it at least 15 times today
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: is that even possible
CigarBoi: nothing is impossible!!!!!!!!!!!!
Real_name_hidden: go to sleep y'all
Buh-buh-BACON: its one in the morning
Buh-buh-BACON: school starts tomorrow
Buh-buh-BACON: go to sleep
Gred: school starts tomorrrow!??!?!?!!?!!??
Forge: i told you this mike!!
Bi-AcedReporter: Crutchie's the only good one of us
Bi-AcedReporter: they're sleeping and not on here at 1 in the fucking morning
Cute-as-ducks: what'd i miss??
Cute_as_ducks: i was watching vine compilations
CigarBoi: rip vine
CanIGetAWaffle: you will be missed
TheMatureOne: GO TO SLEEP
Chapter 2: The Lesbians Enter
Smalls and Sniper join the madness
So in this chapter, you will find out the usernames of all the Newsies. Sorry if the names were confusing in the last one
TheBestJacobs: so, do you guys mind if i add some girls i met at soccer to the groupchat today
TheBestJacobs has added Lipstick-Lover and LittleButFierce to Sassy Chickens
TheBestJacobs: Hey guys! This is Sarah from soccer
CigarBoi: the grammar it hurts
LittleButFierce: oh hi Sarah!!
Lipstick-Lover: um who is everyone
BisexualityDiasater: im Jack, he/him, poly and bi (obviously)
TheMatureOne: My name is Davey, he/him pronouns please, and I’m also bisexual
CigarBoi: the grammar
CigarBoi: it burns
TheBestJacobs: Sarah, she/her, lesbian
CigarBoi: Race, he/him, bi
Cute_as_ducks: I’m Crutchie!!! Nonbinary, so they/them pronouns, and I’m pan and poly
BestofBrooklyn: Spot, he/him, gay
CanIGetAWaffle?: Albert, he/him, panromantic ace
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle?: Elmer, he/him, polysexual
KillerPanda: Mush, he/him, polysexual
BlinkBlink: Blink, he/him, pan
BestBuy: Romeo, he/him, bi
SpicySpecs: Specs, he/him, gay
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: Finch, he/him, gay, ace
Real_name_hidden: Tommy Boy, he/him, gay
AggravatedCremeBrulee: Henry, he/him, gay
Buh-buh-BACON: Jojo, he/him, pan
TheGayAwakens: Buttons, he/him, gay
Gred: Mike, he/him, gay
Forge: Ike, he/him, pan
Forge: were also twins
Gred: if you didn’t already get that
LittlebutFierce: nice to meet you, im Smalls, she/her, and lesbian
Lipstick-Lover: im Sniper, she/her, lesbian
BisexualityDisaster: why do I feel like we’re missing someone
TheMatureOne: Where’s Kath
Bi-Aced Reporter: Sorry! I had to talk to the coach, and I just got home
Bi-Aced Reporter: Hi Smalls! Hi Sniper! It’s Kath from soccer
Bi-Aced Reporter: Oh, we’re doing introductions
BI-Aced Reporter: I’m Kath (obviously), she/her, and I’m Biromantic and Asexual
Lipstick-Lover: i love your usernames
Lipstick-Lover: is it okay if i call you al and el??
CanIGetAWaffle: thats fine
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: we dont mind
BestBi: just dont call them albie or elmie
SpicySpecs: those are their pet names for each other
TheGayAwakens: race called them that once
TheGayAwakens: he was bitch-slapped twice
BlinkBlink: theyre not dating tho
CigarBoi: look at you
CigarBoi: using theyre
TheMatureOne: I'm proud of you. You used the right they're!
KillerPanda: we all know he has autocorrect on
BlinkBlink: hes right
LittlebutFierce: who here is in a relationship
Bi-AcedReporter: Sarah is my beautiful girlfriend
KillerPanda: blink is my boyfriend
Buh-buh-BACON: theyre that couple thats always disgustingly cute
BestBi: specs and i are dating
SpicySpecs: us three couples are the only people dating here
TheBetterJacobs: you mean
TheBetterJacobs: were the only ones that have our shit together
TheMatureOne: SARAH BRIDGET JACOBS
TheMatureOne: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE
TheGayAwakens: also davey is our mom
Real_name_hidden: and crutchie is everyones son
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: elmer and mush are the only other semi innocent ones
Gred: the rest of us have been corrupted
Forge: by race
Chapter 3: It's Fall Y'all
Albert has a jean jacket problem, Sniper has a flannel and beanie problem, and Davey pisses Sarah off
hey everyone! sorry about not updating, the past month has been crazy. so, enjoy this next chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Lipstick-Lover: idk about yall
Lipstick-lover: but im excited about fall
Lipstick-Lover: bc its flannel season!!!!!!!
LittleButFierce: sniper has an unhealthy amount of flannels and beanies
KillerPanda: I GET TO WEAR BLINKS LETTERMAN JACKET
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: AND I GET TO WEAR SPOTS
CigerBoi: and imma steal alllll of als jean jackets
CigarBoi: he has like 20
CigarBoi: its bad
BlinkBlink: i get to wear your soccer jacket then mush
CigarBoi: im gonna say it
CigarBoi: your username is unoriginal
BlinkBlink: HOW DARE YOU
KillerPanda: race is right
KillerPanda: well thats something i never thought id say
BlinkBlink: im wounded mush
BlinkBlink: youve betrayed me
CigarBoi: im sorry to interrupt this beautiful moment
CigarBoi: but blink
CigarBoi: im changing your username whether you like it or not
CigarBoi: ive known you since we were kids
CigarBoi: i have my ways
BlinkBlink has changed their name to EmoBoi
EmoBoi: RACE CHANGE IT BACK
CigarBoi: blink had an emo phase in 7th grade
EmoBoi: RACE DONT YOU DARE
CigarBoi: It was the whole year
EmoBoi: IT WAS THREE MONTHS RACE
KillerPanda: why have i never heard of this
EmoBoi: IT NEVER HAPPENED
KillerPanda: do you have pics race?
CigarBoi: of course, what do you take me for
CigarBoi: i have more, i just cant find them
KillerPanda: these are beautiful
KillerPanda: thank you race
BisexualityDisaster: you know i always forget that we only met blink last year
TheMatureOne: me too
TheGayAwakens: i just opened this chat
TheGayAwakens: im not disappointed
EmoBoi: time to go die in a hole
TheBetterJacobs: 20 points if anyone can guess what my biggest pet peeve is
CigarBoi: delancy brothers
EmoBoi: when people expose your 7th grade emo phase to your boyfriend and all your friends
TheBetterJacobs: all good guesses, but no
TheBetterJacobs: people leaving the toILET SEAT UP AFTER THEY USE THE BATHROOM
TheMatureOne: oh shit
TheBetterJacobs: DAVID JACOBS I WILL KILL YOU
Real_name_hidden: well dave
Real_name_hidden: it was nice knowing ya
albert is me, dont judge
also, if the usernames are confusing, heres a quick list
Kath: Bi-Aced Reporter
Tommy Boy: Real_name_hidden
Chapter 4: Don't Listen to Race
Race ruins at least five people's innocence
I'm back!!! This fic isn't dead, I just keep forgetting to update. Now, to chapter 4, in which people realize why they shouldn't listen to Race
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
CanIGetAWaffle: skittles are gay rocks
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: are M&Ms lesbian then?
CanIGetAWaffle: weve uncovered their secrets
CigarBoi: you wanna know an awesome commercial
CigarBoi: banned skittles and banned doritos commercials
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: where can i find them
CigarBoi: I HAVE BEEN K'd
CigarBoi: ELMER WHY MUST YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: ive been scarred for life
CanIGetAWaffle: what did you do
CigarBoi: i didn't do anything
CigarBoi: for once
CigarBoi: he mustve just watched the commercials
AggravatedCremeBrulee: they cant be that bad
BestofBrooklyn: race is the one who found them
AggravatedCremeBrulee: i stand corrected
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: i just watched them
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: ill never see doritos or skittles the same way again
BestofBrooklyn: holy shit
BestofBrooklyn: how the hell did you ever come across those
CigarBoi: for all you curious souls out there
CigarBoi: heres the link
KillerPanda: imma watch it
TheGayAwakens: how the hell did you find those
CigarBoi: i just looked up banned commercials and that popped up
TheMatureOne: And you just look this up on a normal basis?
CigarBoi: no, otherwise i wouldve found them earlier
TheMatureOne: Don't give me sass young man!
TheMatureOne: I just want to know what compelled you to look that up.
CigarBoi: you act as if youve havent been so brain dead at 3 am that you dont even know what the fuck you search
TheMatureOne: I haven't.
BestofBrooklyn: i have
Bi-AcedReporter: I have
CanIGetAWaffle: i have
CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: i have
Gred: i have
Forge: i have
BisexualityDisaster: i have
TheBetterJacobs: i have
Lipstick-Lover: i have
LittleButFierce: i have
SpicySpecs: i have
BestBi: i have
AggravatedCremeBrulee: i have
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: i have
Buh-buh-BACON: i have
TheGayAwakens: i have
Real_name_hidden: i have
Cute_as_ducks: i have
KillerPanda: i have
EmoBoi: i have
Bi-AcedReporter: Did you know that the first puck ever used in a hockey game was a piece of cow crap?
TheMatureOne: What the fuck is wrong with you people?
BisexualityDisaster: you know you love us dave
TheMatureOne: That's debatable.
CigarBoi: uhhhhhh Kath
CigarBoi: you good
Bi-AcedReporter: I’m fabulous!
Bi-AcedReporter: Never been better, actually!
CanIHaveAWaffle: are you drunk
CanIPleaseHaveAWaffle: are you high
TheBetterJacobs: ok then…
Bi-AcedReporter: why not
TheMatureOne: I’m confused.
Bi-AcedReporter: What’s confusing? It’s a kid smelling a cactus
TheMatureOne: The whole thing.
Bi-AcedReporter: It’s just a kid smelling a cactus
Real_name_hidden: do you ever look back at your life choices…
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: and regret everything?
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: every time this groupchat goes off
Cute_as_ducks: hey guys, look its Jack
BisexualityDisaster: wait what
Cute_as_ducks: you want to go to Santa Fe
Cute_as_ducks: There’s cactuses in Santa Fe
TheMatureOne: Actually, it’s cacti.
TheMatureOne: The plural of cactus is cacti.
Cute_as_ducks: ok then..
Cute_as_ducks: theres cacti in santa fe
Cute_as_ducks: Jack wants to go to santa fe
Cute_as_ducks: Jack would be with cacti
BestBi: so basically, youre saying Jack is the little boy hugging the cactus
BisexualityDisaster has changed their name to KidSmellingACactus
Sorry about not updating in 5 months, but I should be updating more often!!
Anyways, the banned doritos/skittles commercials actually exist. My friend showed me them, and you should be warned if you feel like looking it up
The kid smelling a cactus convo is like one I had with my friends about that picture, and i was Katherine
To see the picture Kath sent, just look up Kid Smelling a Cactus
Finally, Happy 7 Year Anniversary to Newsies Opening!!!!
Jack: BisexualityDisaster (now KidSmellingACactus)
Kath: Bi-Aced Reporter
Tommy Boy: Real_name_hidden