Jace stared at Magnus who was staring at Alec, as he slept recuperating from the arrow Jace nearly stabbed through his chest.
He couldn’t look at Alec himself. He nearly killed him, the one person who cared and loved him like no other. They were soulmates, and he almost killed him. He could still feel the dull ache in his chest from where the arrow had been in Alec’s.
He replayed the fight over and over again in his mind. He knew that deep down it wasn’t his fault, he was possessed, and Alec would not blame him. He even was forgiving him as he stabbed him, trying to comfort him, with his last breathes. But even deeper down than that, he blamed himself for it all.
Magnus looked at Jace for a split second before returning his gaze to Alec, who looked a lot better than he did several hours ago when he was lying in some dirty alley bleeding out. He had been thinking of a way to explain this to Alec. To everyone. Why not start with Jace?
“I need more power than I have to help break you free of the Owl’s control. After exhausting all other options. I went to Edom and made a deal with a greater demon. He let me borrow his power, in return, I gave up my magic.”
It was short and left out significant details. However, he didn't want to give Jace a rundown of his life right now. And no matter how hard he tries, he cannot get the image of Jace pushing an arrow into Alexander’s chest.
“Why?” Jace’s question was barely auditable.
“There two reasons. One, Lilith tricked me into helping her make the potion she used to have you under her control. And two, you are Alec’s parabtia. The last time you died, it nearly broke him. I had never seen him in so much pain before. I didn’t want to see him go through that again.” Magnus had unconsciously pulled on the Omamori Charm and rubbed it across his fingers.
“You did that for me?” Jace asked.
Magnus doesn’t answer automatically. The first thing that pops into his head is no. He didn’t do that for Jace; he only tolerated Jace. He wouldn’t give up his magic for him or any other shadowhunter. No, he did this for Alec. If it were for anyone else, he would have accepted his father first offer. To just remain in Edom, but no, that meant no Alexander. And that was the whole point. To protect him, to help him save his brother.
While he is glad Jace is alive and well, he didn’t do any of these for him. He was selfish; he did this entirely for Alexander. He would have died for him; he would have burned the world down to save him. He gave up his magic for him. The one thing he couldn’t give up was Alec. Jace was just a consolation prize.
“No. I did it for him.”
Jace nodded and left Magnus, going back into the living room.