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Levi vs. Titans

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As every night before there’s an expedition, the Survey Corps HeadQuarters was empty as everybody enjoyed what could be their last night alive (or with all their members still attached).

Some soldiers were off at their homes, having a last meal with their families and lovers, but the most part was off at the pubs. While the newest recruits danced and cried and laughed in their drunken stupor, the higher-ranked veterans were all in a corner of the room, playing a drinking game.

It had been Erwin to introduce the rules:

“The game it’s called Titans vs. Levi,” He explained, his blue eyes glimmering mischievously over his cup of beer, “I’ll give you one sentence Hange said, and you have to guess if it was about a titan or Levi. Who’s wrong drinks a shot. Got it?”

Mike and Nanaba smirked at each other and agreed immediately. Lynne and Ness seemed less enthusiastic, but they ended up playing too. And finally, Erwin called Moblit over, “To mediate,” as he said.

“I’m not sure I want to play this,” Moblit grumbled, “If Captain Levi finds out-“

“I’ll pay your drinks for the rest of the night,” Erwin offered, and Moblit sat down immediately.

“Okay, first one,” Erwin rubbed his hands, “When Hange said ‘Wow, you’re so big’ ” – Moblit choked on his drink -, “ Was she talking to Levi or to a titan?”

“I knew I didn’t want to play this game,” Ness murmured. Moblit seemed to agree with him if his red face and horrified eyes were of any indication.

Mike and Nanaba, on the other hand, were completely invested in the game.

“That sounds like something Hange would say to a titan,” Nanaba said.

“She could’ve just as well said it to Levi,” Mike argued back.

“It’s Levi,” Nanaba remembered, shaking her finger under Mike’s moustache, “She’d say to Levi ‘wow, you’re so big’?”

“Everybody says stuff like that in the heat of the moment,” Erwin said, which made Moblit down two beers in a row.

“You never saw Levi naked,” Mike was still arguing with Nanaba.

“Oh, yeah? Is it something worth seeing? Something Hange’d describe as “big”? I vote Titan,” She said, turning to Erwin with finality.

“Mike, Ness, Lynne, what do you think?”

“Well, for his height it’s definitely big,” Ness murmured, frowning.

“Not about that! You think Hange was talking to Levi or to a titan?”

“Levi,” Voted Ness and Mike, making the women roll their eyes.

“Titan,” Voted Lynne, agreeing with Nanaba that Hange was not the type to spout things like that.

“Drum roll,” Erwin proclaimed, and Mike and Nanaba rhythmically pounded their hands on the table, “It was to a Titan!”

Ness and Mike groaned and downed a shot, as Lynne and Nanaba high-fived.

“I have one too, now!” Mike proclaimed, “Who was Hange speaking to when she said ‘Say my name’?”

“We all remember that!” Erwin and Lynne started laughing as they recalled the incident last year when Hange tried to teach one of her research titans to say her name.

“Dammit,” Mike grumbled, but then his face lit up. By this time, more people had gathered around them, curious by the old merry veterans, “Who was Hange speaking to when she said ‘What if you’re blindfolded’, Levi or a titan?”

“Wasn’t that one of her experiments last year?” Nifa asked, scratching her nose in thought.

“Yeah!” Ness spoke out, nodding with enthusiasm, “She wanted to know if a titan could guess where she was even if it was blinded! She wanted to see if they had heightened senses or something like that.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Erwin said, and everybody voted “Titan”, making Mike’s face fall.

“You’re terrible at this,” Nanaba laughed, “You only pick those we all remember!”

“Actually,” Moblit mumbled, and everybody turned to look at him. He must’ve already consumed a large quantity of alcohol, because never in his life would a sober Moblit say what he said next: “I once heard the Squad Leader Hange suggest to the Captain that he should use a blindfold “next time””.

Everybody in the group stared in astonished silence before they broke into laughter.

“I,” Gasped Erwin, out of breath for laughing so much, “Am loving. This. You guys have more of those? Don’t stop,”

“She also said that to Levi once,” Moblit casually said, making all of them burst into laughter again.

“How do you know about this?” Nanaba, who had fallen to the ground at certain point, asked Moblit.

“My room is right next to Hange, and the walls are really thin,” Moblit shuddered, a traumatized look in his eyes.

The game went on all night, with sentences like “Levi, Levi, Levi” (it was NOT about Levi); “It’s/He’s small but it/he makes a hell of a noise” and “You really want to eat me”. There was also “Erwin will kill me if he finds out about this”, which ended up being about drawing Erwin’s eyebrows on a titan, and not about that time Levi and she had done the deal in Erwin’s office, as Moblit thought (that time she had said “Erwin can never find out about this”; Jean had overheard while cleaning the windows).

The night ended with Erwin solemnly forbidding the entire Survey Corps to ever play the game again, since it only resulted in a comatose Moblit, so many hangovers the next day that the mission was postponed, and a change (he wasn’t sure if it had increased or diminished) of his respect for both Levi and Hange.