It was night - it had to be, cause you could no longer make out any lights or contours through the boarded up, tiny window in the bathroom.
The RV had been motionless for a while and an eerie stillness lingered around, it dug under your skin and bubbled out in forms of fidgetiness and tears. You spun around in the confined space, trying to concentrate on your breathing. Tracing your hand over the dusky white, stained walls, your hand felt sticky and greasy, but it didn't really bother you.
You were so filthy and grungy already since he hadn't let you take a shower during this whole time you had been with him. Instead he had been giving you wet wipes every now and then and you welcomed them gladly every time. It had become like a little exciting treat for you.
You stayed really quiet since you knew not to come out until he came and let you out.
So you sat down, awaiting him patiently, tucking your hands under your legs so they would be still.
A loud bang went off outside, startling you and you flinched. Holding your breath as you strained to hear what was going on. It sounded like voices surrounded the RV and were moving about.
You whimpered, afraid he had brought people over to help him end your time togehter. To end your life.
You heard people shouting and giving orders. You imagined you even heard dogs barking.
A couple of seconds later another bang went off and then another, followed by a silence that you practically could touch. You covered your face with your hands, trying to stay calm even though pure fright crawled through your body. You felt as if you were the only person left in this world and you whimpered as your heart was about to beat its way out of your chest. You prayed this was just a prank from his side and that he would soon open the door, usher you out and everything was as before.
Footsteps could be heard, making their way to where he had you locked up and you dug your fingers in your skull, squeezing your eyes shut and begged that this was not the last thing you would experience in life.
You sensed someone jiggle the door knob, shouting questions you couldn't really make out as your heartbeats drowned out all other noises.
All of a sudden the door was kicked open and hit your legs, you looked up and stared right into a pair of brown eyes. Concerned and relieved at the same time.
"I got her!" he screamed. "She's here. I've got her!"
A wave of emotions hit and washed through you, leaving you completely hollowed out and at the same time brimful. You lunged at him.
"You saved me!" you screamed. "You saved me!"
It was like your emotions didn't fit in you and you had to get rid of them. You clung to him and sobbed. And in seconds the RV swarmed with police.
"It's ok" the man with the brown eyes assured you. "It's over now"
You wanted to believe him. He had such a comforting voice and honest eyes, kinda like Billy...
And suddenly it hit you; if this man was here to save you, something had happened to Billy.
"What happened? What happened to him?"
"It's ok. He is dead, he can't hurt you no more"
"No!" you screamed and yanked yourself loose from his arms. Shoving him backwards to the old, worn out cabinet and pushed past masses of men and women wearing suits and badges.
Flashes of blue and red light blinded you, and made you instinctively put your hands up infront of your face for better vision.
You looked around in panic after Billy, wishing and hoping he was ok. Wanted to cry in the overwhelming confusion.
"Billy?!" you whimpered.
Your frantic eyes found him, lying in the tall grass and your heart dropped. You screamed, at least that's what it felt like, but no sound escaped your mouth and for a couple of seconds you just stood still, frozen in your own emotions.
The man came up to you, gently putting his hand on your shoulder, wanting to escort you out of there, but you violently shrugged him off you, running up to Billy and kneeled down beside him, sobbing harder than you imagined was possible.
"Billy?" you whispered as you carefully touched his arm. "Billy?"
A female agent made her way to you, wondering if it wasn't best if you came with her to the ambulance to get you checked out, but the man with the brown eyes took her aside and said it was ok, that she should just leave you alone for a minute.
It was completely windless and peaceful as you sat beside him in the grass, feeling your heart break again and again as you carefully stroked his forehead. His face was so calm and soft. Seeing him dead you realised just how much pain he had carried when he was alive, how immensely he had suffered. You could see in his face that he had finally found peace, and you knew he got his longed for second chance in heaven with his mother.
Your hand brushed his chest and you noticed a piece of paper in the pocket of his polo shirt, you looked at his closed eyes, almost like you sought his approval before you could read it. You reached gently for it and opened it. You instantly recognized his sloppy och clumsy writing, letters that seem to sprawl everywhere. He had scribbled letters that formed words that made sentences;
"Im very sorry for putting you thru this
I diddnt want to hurt you"
A new wave of sorrow crashed into you, making you lose your breath as tears poured down your face.
You rested your forehead on his chest as you fisted his shirt, wanted to break into a million pieces to feel something other than overpowering emptiness and grief.
In slow motion you felt a pair of hands reach under you, forcing you up and wrapping a blanket over your shoulders. Someone led you away, away from the past days, away from the RV and away from Billy.
And he became less and less evident in the tall grass. Soon you couldn't even pinpoint where his body was and your tears wouldn't stop falling.