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100 Ways to Kill You

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Atop the big box of Happy Fun Time Cereal Crackers, was a yellow post-it simply saying "If you touch these, I will kill you.", scribbled in Yuko's handwriting. This wasn't an idle threat. If Yuko-chan woke up one morning to find that "her morning crunchies" had been placed on the top shelf by whomever did the groceries - usually Masuyo - she would kill, as the other members of her household had come to know and respect.

With the box of crackers in hand, the short and pink haired Yuko-chan made her way over to the dining room door, sliding it open it to reveal a pair of feet swaying from the ceiling fan right above the dining table.

"Weak.", she snorted in an equally lifeless morning voice, before leaving for a more suitable eating location. Ayano was such an attention whore.


Once her two bare feet were on the floor, Hotaru stretched out into a big yawn. Masami - the girl she shared her bedroom with - was up, as usual, if she ever slept, staring mesmerized at her stupid shrine with a large picture of "her senpai" seated between two lit candles. People usually annoyed Hotaru, but the two sort of cancelled eachother out: One was a useless slob who didn't need to be in the room or anywhere near her, while the other was too preoccupied fangirling to even move, or sleep. He meant the world to her, and you could lead her anywhere just by moving the picture that she was mentally attached to. Move it away from her too fast, though, and she would kill.

Their bedroom door slid open to reveal Yuko crunching away at her usual cracker diet. "I wouldn't go down there.", she remarked. "Not before Masuyo's cleaned up Ayano."

"It's that messy this time?" Ayano was such an attention whore.

"No. It's just that she's hanging above the kitchen table, and you know how particular Masuyo is about feet on the table. The place will be reeking with disinfectant for a while."

With those words Yuko left for her own room, leaving Hotaru to stew in her own annoyance.


The four girls stood before Ayano's makeshift grave in their backyard, Masuyo still pretty exhausted from doing most of the digging.

"We're gathered here today to say goodbye to a beloved friend...", Masami led the ceremony in a monotone voice.

"Idiot.", Hotaru corrected her. "I will concede to her being endeared to us, but she's still an idiot."

"Hotaru, some respect for the dead, please.", Masuyo pleaded.

"But she does this every day!", Hotaru exploded. "Every single day! If she hates life this much, then why doesn't she just move out?!"

"Then who's going to bury her? We're the only family she's got."