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Amnesia

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Ryan doesn't mean to. One moment, he's rubbing the headache out of Spencer's brain, and the next moment, his finger catches on the memories. He catches them swimming together one summer (the heat). He catches Spencer's first kiss (Celia from the pool club) and second kiss (Robbie from hockey). He catches the day they meet Brendon (just a piece of Brendon's smile). And he catches the fight they had this morning -- almost the whole thing, that one. Cupped in his hand.

"Ryan, that feels weird," Spencer says sleepily. "What are you doing?"

He means to put them all back, he does, but this morning's fight was so bad, and they had been yelling. It seems like they're okay now, but what if they're not? What if that fight is the prelude to more fights? Ryan had gotten used to the new way the band worked with Jon, the lazy cuddles and easy songs. He doesn't want to go back to fighting about music. Can't go back.

The other memories, he puts them all back in, lets them drop into Spencer's brain one by one while Spencer sighs. But he keeps the fight, holds it back, lets it drop to the carpet and leave a little burn mark as it disappears.

"How's your headache?" he asks, putting two fingers back on Spencer's forehead. Spencer frowns a little, and Ryan lets his fingers heat up, rubs the frown away.

"Brains are weird," Spencer says. "Put me to sleep?"

It only takes a little push. Ryan feels sick. But when Spencer wakes up, he'll probably smile at Ryan, and it'll be a happy smile, no remnants of their fight lingering, and Ryan wants that more than he wants to feel okay.