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You Don't Mean That

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“Yeah well you think your so fucking special, well your not, there’s a million dam dames just like you on every corner of this fucking city, so why don’t you do us a favor and fuck right off sweetheart!” The brunette yelled before storming off, slamming his own bedroom door shortly after.

The blonde had already stormed off to take a walk around the city after calling you both the biggest fucking fools to walk the planet and didn’t know why he wasted his time on either of you. And now with Bucky’s words piled on tops of Steve’s… was to much to bare, you fled the apartment sobbing.

You can’t even remember what started the fight, but you do remember the recent missions taking there tolls on both of the men. You helped the best you could, but you were just the front desk clerk to stark tower, a nobody really. Why they ever wanted to date you in the first place was still baffling, even four years later. Still you knew something was gonna give.

It’s not like this was out of the blue, it had been a slow build for 6 months now, longer and longer missions, sure most of the time Steve and Bucky were sent out on those long missions together, but you were ALWAYS stuck back home and couldn’t do anything. The missions where they got sent out without each other didn’t happen often, but they did happen and they didn’t go as well and when those ran longer it was more stressful for everyone.

Longer missions meant longer hours alone, and even once they were back all the debriefings and paperwork, you were lucky if you got to see them a few hours each night, plenty of nights you went to bed alone missing them dearly.

Of course it would all come to a head when the stress just got to be to much and of course a fight would happen at some point, both men had tempers sure, not in a bad way, just that once it got really going, it went going until something gave and neither of them backed down if it got bad enough. The mistake you made was when you tried chiming in and that’s when it really went to shit.

Now you really have to wonder if they were just getting sick of it all, you, the missions, each other. You couldn’t see either of them leaving the other though, childhood friends to lovers didn’t leave each other and after everything they had been through you just couldn’t see that happening. You could however see them leaving you and after there words….

You end up taking the subway all the way to coney island so it takes a few hours, by the time you get there it’s of course closed, it is midnight after all. Still the the long dock is what you want and once you get there you take off your heels and walk down into the sand. This time of night no one is around and as you make your way down under the dock to sit for awhile you shiver against the cold. You lean up against a pillar and cry, you cry until you fall asleep right there.

You get jostled awake by someone grabbing at your purse, the pre dawn light starting to show as you feel your purse finally get taken from you, more awake now you stumble to your feet and go after the guy starting to leave with your purse, you grab at the handles of it and pull it back towards you, “Give that back asshole!”

You try fighting for your purse back, but in the end it just ends up costing you a hard backhand to the face knocking you off your feet and back into the sand. The thief runs away as you hold your face. Your phone was in that dam purse, your wallet, money, keys, everything. With no way to call for a cab or a way to take the subway back, you resign yourself to a very long walk home.

The first hour into your walk your face starts hurting, touching your fingers to the right side of your face makes you hiss and when you pass a store front window, your reflection shows what is clearly the starts of a black eye and bruised face and it makes you sigh sadly. Great now you look like shit on top of feeling like shit.

You have long ago lost your heels, you put them down only for a second and then bam they were gone, your stockings are now ripped and have tiny holes in them, your skirt and simple blouse still look ok, but with your face how it is….you kinda wanna cry and scream. You of course ask people you pass if you can use their phone for a call, but once you get brushed off so many times you give up.

When you finally get to central park you decide you need a break. Your legs feel like jelly and sleeping on this bench right now seems like a wonderful idea. Instead you sit and touch your face, it’s more sore now and you can only imagine what it looks like. God the thought of Steve or Bucky seeing your face… matter how mad they are right now or even if a breakup is waiting for you back home, they would never ever wish harm on you, so you know this is gonna be a bitch to explain to them.

When you finally get back to the tower it’s nightfall once more, and you want to die. If you never have to walk again that will be fine by you. Entering the lobby of the tower at this time of night yields little besides the front desk guy who works the night shift same as you looking to you and asking if your ok and wonders if he should call the police and it takes a few minutes to calm him enough to let you just get to your floor. He was a good guy, but nothing could be done now, your purse was gone and you would have to order new everything. You groan at the pain in the ass that will be.

You don’t know why you almost knock when this is your place too so instead you sigh deeply and open the front door, closing it softly behind you. The place is silent and when you ask Jarvis, he informs you they are out looking for you and you groan again, great. You tell him he can let them know your back so they stop worrying, before you decide a shower is much needed, sleep is a fast second.

Neither of them are back by the time you get out of the shower and you sigh just wanting to get it over with, if they were ready to break up, you just wanted it done already, by the time you crawl in bed naked, your crying again and you fall asleep that way.

You wake when you hear the front door opening, you don’t know why it wakes you, but it does, your just starting to sit up in bed, sheets pooling down around your legs when they come in and boy you were not ready for this, but it’s too late there they are and….they look like shit.

Hair all messed up, dark circles under their eyes, clothes even looking rumbled, even their eyes, red rimmed from crying, you instantly feel bad for worrying them, but remember why you left in the first place and suddenly your mad all over again, and just when you turn to glare at them and tell them off, their faces change to one of shock and and concern and suddenly they are both by your side, crawling in bed surrounding you.

“Baby what happened to your face!?”

“Who did this to you, oh my god sweetheart what happened!?”

They fret over you something fierce, Bucky’s hand gently touching your black eye before you hiss softly. He pulls back like he’s been burned but he doesn’t move away. “I’m sorry.”

You do glare at him now, “You should be.”

You both know you don’t mean him checking your wound. You glare at Steve next and he has the good graces to bow his head in shame same as Bucky now. Even when all those means words were being yelled, you not once added to them, you tried to chime in sure, but you never ever said anything you would regret and this they know and this is why when they look back up at you, their faces are full of shame and sorrow and just about the saddest looks they could ever wear.

Gone is the anger from them, and hopefully they had made up with each other but now they had to make up with you and hopefully that meant they didn’t want to break up after all. “Your both assholes and you physically made my heart sad. Both of you have said more then once you would never hurt me, but yesterday you did, both of you and i’m very disappointed in you both.”

Neither of these men are small, far from it, but right now...they do look small, small and sorry and so many things, it’s rare for you to ever call them such a name, but it was true in this case, but…..they were your assholes, your super soldiers.

First you grip Bucky’s chin with you your fingers making him look you in the eyes, his own leaking downs as he stared back at you. “You said some really hurtful things Bucky, you basically called me a whore and that’s not ok.”

His eyes widen, nodding and swallowing thickly, “I’m so sorry doll, I never should have said such a thing, you gotta know that’s not true, your so important to me and I never want you to feel bad like how I made you feel, it breaks my heart I did that to you, i’m so sorry doll, you mean so much to me.”

You stare him down, your eyes hard and unyielding before you lean in and kiss him softly. “Your forgiven.”

His eyes widen even more going to say something, but you press a finger to his lips to silence him. “No.”

You turn your eyes to Steve who….honestly looks like the most kicked puppy ever, but like Bucky his eyes are leaking tears and this man doesn’t cry often so you know he hurts because you do. “There’s nothing I can say to make what I said any better, but I didn’t mean it, not any of it, your not fools either one of you….your my everythings and if I didn’t have either of you….I don’t know what I would do, your right i’m a asshole, and I don’t deserve you, either of you, but know from the bottom of my heart i’m so so sorry baby.”

You stare him down same as Bucky, you poke him in the chest hard, “You can’t keep bottling this stuff up Steve.” You look to the brunette, “Same goes to you Bucky.” You look back to the blonde, “We can’t keep not sharing our feelings until something like this happens. I’m not going to stand for it, for now on we share what’s on our mind no matter how hard it is at the very least among ourselves got it?” You finish firmly.

It’s not normally in you to be so in their face about something, but in was a must.

“I swear sweetheart.” Steve promises, eyes pleading for you to believe him.

You look to Bucky who nods, “Yeah doll I promise.”

You look back to Steve, "Your forgiven then." You kiss him softly before pulling back.

You look between them with a frown before you finally take a deep breath and let it out slowly, “Alright, now….come cuddle with me.”

They look thrown for a minute in the change of the tone but get with it soon enough undressing before coming back to bed.
“Doll we need to know what happened to your face.” Bucky ask a few moments later, pulling the blankets around you all.

“I was mugged at coney island.” You say out around a yawn as clap the lights off.

The duel exclaims at that make you smile, you pat both of their bodies where they lay on either side of you. “Shhh i’m fine, I tried stealing my purse back, shouldn’t have done that.”

You know they wanna say more, are most likely dying from the desire too do so, but you beat them to it, “We can talk about this more in the morning when you both make me breakfast.”

“But doll…”


“You can stab the guy when we find him ok?” You offer knowing he wouldn’t REALLY, ok maybe he would alittle, but that was beside the point.

“Fine.” He grumbles but he snuggles you something bad from behind as Steve snuggles you like a octopus from the front.

You fall asleep instantly.