Once upon a time, in an extremely ridiculous timeline that, dare I say it, dear reader, should not exist (but by some cruel affliction or burst of creativity, unfortunately, does), there was a large, stone hall, a manse-looking building of sorts. This building was in fact a school- housing fiction’s best and brightest, among several others. This highschool, affectionately named ‘Mistake Gakuen’, was hardly the prime of education. Not only was it architecturally ludicrous, with long, single, vertical rows of seats along windows to accommodate the edgy anime protagonists (since they never sit anywhere else), the programs themselves were severely lacking. Classes were not marked, since nobody even really seemed to go to them, anyway, students preferring to either go to clubs or just skip altogether.
A windy, rainy, miserable Tuesday, today is much of the same. An irate Elizabeth Bennet stalks down the hallway, arms crossed and skirts swishing around her feet, as Hermione Granger argues with an increasingly high-pitched Ryugazaki Rei about the semantics of the quadratic formula. Just slightly down the hall, the infamous Society of the Indomitable Sisters meets.
The Society is essentially an elaborate name for Mistake Gakuen’s club for the school’s most desperate losers. Their goal, to find love and hopefully a prom date, has long gone unfulfilled. Edward Cullen heads the meeting.
“Good afternoon, fellow brethren,” he says, bowing his head slightly as he addresses the
group. “Solas, Christian, Hamlet, good to see you all.”
“I STILL don’t understand why I have to be here,” Christian Grey huffs. “I’m an absolute lady-killer.”
“If by ‘lady-killer’ you mean you kill your shot with ladies by wanting to tie them up and shove things up their ass, then yes, I suppose you are,” Solas mutters. Christian turns on him.
“What franchise are you even from, egghead?” he snaps.
“Woe is me,” Hamlet sighs.
“Gentlemen, enough! We’ve all had unfortunate circumstances. Our dear prince lost his Ophelia. Our Solas lost his Inquisitor. Our Christian lost his… uh…”
“Not his virginity, that’s for sure,” Solas cackles.
“SHUT IT, EGGY, OR I SWEA-”
The door opens, cutting off Christian Grey’s yelling, to reveal a bored looking boy in a red hunting cap. “This the Society?” he asks, leaning against the frame.
“Yes! Are you our new member?” Edward asks, inviting him in with a welcoming smile. The boy sighs and kicks off the wall, loping in.
“Yeah. Guess so,” he mutters.
“What’s your name?” Edward asks, gesturing to a seat. The boy sits down, manspreading a bit.
“Holden Caulfield,” he grunts.