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If

If, it was a word I had been using a lot lately. Just two simple letters, one word. I had used it quite often throughout my life and today I was using it again. If I had only waited for a better man then I would have died a human as an old woman. It was the true way that nature ran its course and it was far past the time that I should have died.

Today I was out here with my family and friends preparing to die. Today I once again questioned the ifs that brought me to this point. However, I could not bring myself to regret what had now brought my friends and family face to face with death. If we were not here today then Renesmee would have never been born and I couldn't even imagine her gone.

Without Renesmee our feud with the werewolves would have only escalated till someone died. Without Renesmee I would have never truly become a friend with Bella, and without Renesmee I never would have gotten to experience what it felt like to raise a child. The only if I truly wondered about was if Jasper and Alice had stayed would our odds be any better.

If, it was a big word indeed. Only two letters but in it there was so much more. If had left a lot of unanswered questions in the last seventy-three years, and if had always been monumental to me.

If I had been born plain, instead of beautiful? If I had never met Royce King Jr.? If I had been allowed to grow old like I was supposed to? If I had never met Emmett? If Carlisle had never changed me? If…

It was a more monumental word than I cared to admit. I had always been shallow when it came to my beauty, and had based my life around it. Now, staring at my fate I realized how foolish I had been, but it was too late to apologize.