I had done everything I could. I had run away from Charles, taken proper care of my body, and had had my son in the hospital. It still hadn't been enough. That was the hard fact. It hadn't been enough, it never had. My son was dead. I had only been able to hold him once, seen him once, and he was taken from me before I could even wake to see him again.
Like a vicious harpy of fate, I had lost the last thing that meant anything to me. I had come here to Chicago from my home to try and find Carlisle, but I had not. Besides I had lost him long before I'd had him, as I'd never had him. I had left my husband which meant that I had lost my whole family as I had disgraced them all. And now, after everything, I had lost my baby as well.
There was nothing left for me, no one out there to help. My son was dead, my life was over. I vaguely recognized the fact that I was in a cab, and was headed to the outskirts of town. Physically I knew where I wanted to end up, but mentally all I knew was anguish.
When I had asked to see my son one last time–after I discovered that he was dead–the nurse had replied, "I'm sorry, honey, but they've already taken his body down to the morgue. If you really want to see his body you can stay a few more hours. The morgue opens to public visits at one." That was what she had said.
I suppose I should have stayed and seen his body, but I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear to stay in that hospital for any longer than I absolutely had to. The taxicab driver pulled to a stop, and I mutely paid him for the fare.
I walked for a few minutes and found what I was looking for. If only Charles had been a kind husband, I could have had several children now, but it was too late for that. In essence it was too late for anything and everything. I walked to the edge, and looked down without really seeing.
It was better this way; obviously I wasn't met to be a mother. I wasn't meant to have children, wasn't meant to have a caring husband, and wasn't meant to have a loving family. Perhaps this was my punishment for coveting a man that could never be mine. Even hell wouldn't be as bad as the pain I was currently going through; I already knew that there was no heaven for me.
This was my fate, I was meant to die.
I flung myself off of the cliff.