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The Heavens Roll Away

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Yoongi likes picking up identities from people who are careless.

It feels less mean than stealing from those who actually look after their lives. The ones who don’t hide their PINs when they get money out, or who write down their passwords on unencrypted files on their desktops? They deserve what they get, and Yoongi has long since stopped caring about them. It’s the only way he can do what he does and still function, although he knows that some of his friends wouldn’t really consider his lifestyle ‘functioning’. Not that Yoongi is going to take life advice from Kim ‘just poison them if they annoy you’ Seokjin. Still, it means that when Yoongi picks up a bunch of information from an unprotected phone on the train home from the computer store, he considers it rightfully his. If you don’t RFID protect your shit, you don’t deserve to keep it.


He doesn’t drop his bags when he gets home, because he’s just bought some very expensive components, but he doesn’t exactly carefully file them away either. His apartment is relatively nice- or it would be, if it was clean- a two bedroom in a good part of town with very, very fast internet. Yoongi would be happy in a roach infested hotel, if it had fast internet, really, but he knows that having a place of his own makes his parents feel better about his job as a ‘freelance IT consultant’, and he can do that much for them. He pushes some empty ramen containers into the rubbish bin, fishes a can of tea out of his fridge, and goes into his study to look over what the careless idiots of the Seoul Metro have donated to the Min Yoongi Lives Life The Way He Wants fund. His computer is sleeping, and he wiggles the mouse, startling it back to life with a hiss of coolant and fans. The desktop is his baby, and a fucking monster. Anyone who knows computers would either drool or cry upon seeing it, and Yoongi is rightfully smug about its construction, as shown by how quickly it wakes up and logs him back in. He removes his phone from its own RFID protected case and sets it to connect, flips through the identities he’s picked up today, looking for anything useful.


There are a few businessmen, a mother of four, and a young man- early twenties, Yoongi would guess, from the pictures on his social media. He doesn’t look anything like Yoongi, but the age range is closest, which means Yoongi will find it far easier to spoof his spending habits and take out some credit cards in his name. If anyone asks any questions, it’ll be easy to set up some official looking documents in the name Kim Namjoon, anyway.


But, before he gets to ruining Kim Namjoon’s good name, Yoongi needs to check how good that name actually is.


He picks through Kim Namjoon’s bank account. He looks at his statements. He does a quick google.


Well. Damn.

It’s not like Namjoon set out to become a depressing stereotype about being an artist. He went to university and studied, he was the best in his music production class, was going places, was working hard, and was really, really broke.


He had meant to get a job, but his classes were intense, and he'd had to leave his previous job once the semester really got going.


He’d meant to talk to his parents about getting some help, but they had enough to deal with supporting his little sister.


So, he kept increasing his loans instead.


He’ll find a way to pay it back eventually, when he’s not a struggling student. He’s only slightly concerned about it.


He’s a little more concerned about the fact that his wallet hasn’t held anything other than the lucky cent coin his cousin gave him as a souvenir from New Zealand since before July, and his account has a strong four thousand won balance in it to last him to the end of September.


It’s currently the eighteenth of August.


Still, he’ll figure something out. Namjoon is practically a genius, according to his academics. He’s got plenty of stable food, and he’s got friends. He can strategically turn up around dinner pretty regularly and Hobi will feed him, he knows from experience. It makes him feel a little shitty, but at the same time, not so shitty he won’t do it.


Namjoon flicks over from googling how much you can get for selling a kidney back to his online banking, hoping that when he refreshes, it’ll say something different.


He blinks.


His phone buzzes- he’s received a message- but he’s too busy staring at his account.


It’s meant to say four thousand won. He knows it’s meant to say four thousand won.


It doesn’t.


It says 11,277,000.00 won. He’s got 11,277,000.00 won in his account.


His phone buzzes again, but Namjoon is busy panicking. It must have been an incorrect deposit. Some guy was buying a second hand car and accidentally sent it to Namjoon instead of his dealership. Or, some chaebol was sending his girlfriend a gift and typed the wrong account number because he was drunk, and it went to Namjoon.


What happens if someone sends you money like that? Did you call the bank? Explain it was a mistake?


Namjoon picks up his phone to call the bank, and notices that he has several unread messages, all from the same contact.


A contact he’s pretty sure he doesn’t actually have?


YOONGI (17:29): okay, so don’t freak out, but i’ve decided you need some help

YOONGI (17:29): and i am uniquely in a situation where i can help you

YOONGI (17:30): i’m sure you’ve noticed the change in your finances

YOONGI (17:31): bitch are you even reading these??

YOONGI (17:32): fine, i’ll wait


Namjoon blinks, and unlocks his phone. The number that the messages are coming from isn’t familiar, and usually he’d dismiss them as spam, but...he has notice the change in his finances.


SELF (17:35): yeah, i’ve noticed. Did you accidentally transfer me some money? I can send it back, I’m so sorry!

YOONGI (17:35): it wasn’t an accident. I’m genuinely concerned about your living habits. Did you know that you’ve spent over 100,000 won on music equipment this month and only a quarter that amount on food and transport combined?

SELF (17:36): how do you know that?? And also yes and its fine i have my priorities totally in order, mysterious benefactor

YOONGI (17:37): I’m not having this conversation right now. Go eat a vegetable and get more than 3 hours of sleep and I’ll message you later

SLEF (17:39): how do you know how much i’ve slept?

YOONGI (17:39): You logged six hours in a PC bang and bought three six packs of red bull yesterday. Also, your student account advised you that you have a final project due in less than three days.

SELF (17:42): how do you know that???

YOONGI (17:44): I am your God now. Go to sleep, Namjoon.


Namjoon blinks at his phone, and puts it down. Maybe the crazy phone number had some good points. He’s not sure the last time he actually saw his bed under all the papers, and he had enough problems without adding sleep deprivation hallucinations to the mix.


The bank account balance is probably part of that problem.


Mind decided, Namjoon nods, and passes out on top of his books.


YOONGI (17:46): Hey, fuck face. You forgot to logout of you internet banking. You know this is how identity theft happens, right?

YOONGI (17:48): I’ll log out for you, but only this once. After this, you deserve any identity theft that happens to you.