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I never told you

Chapter Text

''Magic's in the craftsmanship,'' Crowley says, holding the lance of michael- now broken in two. The boys and Mary look back at him, suprised. Dean turns to Cas, who now looks one hundred times better, despite writhing in pain with black ooze dripping from his mouth just minutes ago. Dean thought he'd lose him for good.

''Cas?,'' he asks, to make sure he's alright.

The angel blinks slowly a few times at Dean, breathing still heavy - trying to calm down from the shock of it all. The boys stand and turn to look at crowley, confusion on their faces.

''Oh. You're welcome,'' Crowley adds, and just like that he's gone, dropping the lance with a clang.

The brothers grab Cas by the hands and help him up, he stumbles a little and looks at both of them with shock and exhuastion written on his face. Cas slowly walks forward and lets go of Sam's hand, but Dean's hand lingers for a little, and his other hand comes to rest on the angel's back, not wanting to let go. He'd almost lost him, he feels like if he lets go he'll almost lose him again. Cas's last words linger on his mind.

Dean turns to him and says, ''Let's go home.''

Home. It warms his heart to hear that.

They turn to leave, Dean follows behind and picks up the lance, bringing it with him. Cas walks ahead, his eyes watering a little from the emotional vulnerability of it all. He'd just confessed to Dean, but even in what he thought was his last moments - he couldn't say it right, or even look dean in the eye. ''I love all of you'' he added in an attempt to make it familial love. He was too cowardly even on his supposed deathbed. He'd hoped they wouldn't notice the weight of what was said, His hands shook a little as he walked to the Impala, nerves getting the best of him. He felt exposed.

Once Dean was done throwing the lance into the boot of the car, he passed the keys to Sam. The younger brother took it by suprise, but said nothing as he got into the front seat with Mary and put them in the ignition. Dean helped Cas into the backseat and joined him. He noticed Cas holding one arm over his stomache as the car drove off.

He raised his left hand to Cas's shoulder and spoke in a quiet voice, ''you sure you're alright?''

''I - I'm fine. Just a little sore... and tired.''

''I thought you didn't need sleep?,'' Dean said, concern in his eyes.

''I don't. That lance.. It affected my true form too. I'm healing but it may take a while, and it appears to be using up allot of my grace. I may need to rest.''

The hunter noticed how exhausted he looked. He was resting back in the seat, his head lolling to the side. Since it would take a while to get back to the bunker, Dean took his jacket off and folded it onto his lap as a make-shift pillow.

''Here. Lay down.''

Cas watched him with furrowed brows, his mouth opening and closing a few times as if contemplating what to say, before finally speaking.


''It's a long way till we're back at the bunker, and you look frickin exhausted dude. You need rest. So uh - lay - lay down. You can rest your head here.'' He waved his hands vaguley at the general vicinity of his lap. ''If- if you want, or not,'' he coughed.


Cas slowly sinked down on his side across the car bench and rested his head on to Dean's lap. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh as he relaxed.

''Thank you.''

Dean smiled at his thanks. He reached out and held the angel's hand at his side. Cas didn't react at first, but once he realised what Dean was doing, he curled his fingers and held on tight. Deans guard was down, his emotions still very raw from what they just went through, so he didn't notice the silence up front or the glances Mary and Sam were giving eachother. He didn't care that they might see how soft he was being towards Cas either, all he cared about was making sure the angel was okay. That's all that mattered to him in that moment.

The ride back was long, and silence filled the air. He noticed Cas's breathing slow down - he must be sleeping. Dean's mind wondered over the words again. ''you're my family. I love you. I love all of you.'' He played the words over and over in his head, as if trying to make sense of It's meaning. The angel had gushed his heart out to them in that barn, but singled Dean out first. He was sure of it, but he couldn't handle the weight of what that might mean.

As if coming back to reality, he suddenly stopped in his tracks - realising how intimate this all was. Cas was resting on his lap, and he was holding his hand. What was he doing? He moved his hand away from the angel's, hoping he was too asleep to notice the change, and he did the best he could to repress his thoughts for now. He looked up and caught glimpse of his brother giving him a concerned look in the rearview mirror. Suddenly feeling bashfull at what was happening - Dean looked away quickly and out at the window by his side - putting on the best mask he could.


The rest of the drive back was quiet, and once they made it to the bunker he shook Cas's shoulder gently to wake him.

''Hey buddy, we're home. You with me?''

He slowly blinked his eyes open and sat up with a yawn. They all got out of the car and made their way down the bunker's stairs to the war room. Dean stayed behind Cas and kept a watchfull eye on him the whole way.

''Right, I'm gonna hit the hay,'' Sam declared, making a hasty retreat to his room. He wasn't really that tired, but he knew Dean and Cas needed space to talk about what just happened - well, he'd hope they'll talk at least. He gave Mary a knowing look as he passed her.

''Yeah, me too,'' she said before stopping to turn and look at Dean.

''You boys okay?''

Dean nodded as he sat down opposite Cas at the war table, beer in hand.

''Alright, goodnight.''

''Night,'' Dean added before she left.

Dean took a few swigs of his beer and then glanced up at Cas, who was looking down and uncharacteristically fidgeting with his fingers on the table.

''You sure you don't need to go rest some more, man? There's a spare room you can take''

''I'm fine.''

''No, you're not.''

''Dean I-''

''Don't ever do that again!,'' Dean suddenly burst out, grasping the beer bottle so hard his knuckles were turning white.

Cas glanced up and squinted his eyes at Dean.

''Do what?''

''Almost- almost die on me! and then- and then you said you lo- you-,'' he stopped in his tracks, taking a deep breath as if trying to calm himself. He was angry, angry that the whole ordeal almost cost Cas's life, but also angry because it took Cas dying in order for him to declare his love. What would he have done if Cas never came back after that? After saying he loved him? Dean would probably be angry at himself for never saying it back, for never breaching the subject. He'd have to live a miserable life knowing his love was requited, but that he couldn't do anything about it.
He took his hand off his beer and tried to steel his thoughts. Perhaps it wasn't like that - perhaps it never has been, It can't be. He's kidding himself - this bond between them was never something more, Cas would never think of him like that. But he could die again and never get his chance, he has to ask, it's the only way to truly know what this tension was that has been building between them for a long, long time.
Suddenly feeling nervous, he glanced up at Cas from across the table and started picking at the sticker on his beer before speaking.

''Did you mean it?''

Cas looked up again at Dean and squinted.

''Mean what?,'' he answered.

''That - that you love us.''

''Of course. You and Sam are my family, I love you both.''

Not satisfied with his answer, Dean took a deep breath before finally braving it.

''Is your love for me different?''

Cas's eyes widened at that. Crap. He felt like the whole world was closing in on him, Dean knew and surely it would all be over. He wished he still had his old wings so he could just fly away from this moment and never come back. He couldn't answer Dean truley - He'd be disgusted and angry at him and they'd never be friends again.

He stood up from his chair and lent against the table with shaky hands.

''Yes,'' he answered in a quiet voice, not making eye contact with Dean. He mentally braced himself for Dean's anger.

Except he wasn't met with any. He looked up at Dean - and his facial expression wasn't one of anger or disgust, but one of longing and sadness.
He made his way around the table and over to Cas - He grabbed him by the lapels of his trench coat and looked him in the eye.

''Why did you take so long to tell me?.'' his voice was wrecked, almost on the brink of tears.

''I -'' He stumbled on what to say, but suddenly the distance between them was closed and Dean's lips were on his.

After the initial shock, Cas closed his eyes and melted into the kiss. Dean's hands flew up to cup the angel's jaw as he kissed him slow and sweet. Cas was awkward and wasn't sure what to do with his hands, but eventually he bought them up to rest on either side of dean's waist. Dean finally broke the kiss to breathe, his chest heaving as he locked his gaze with Cas. Both were overwhelmed with emotion - their faces flushed red. Dean finally broke the silence.

''I never knew.''

''Me either,'' Cas replied, his voice more gravelly than usual.

Dean moved his hands to the angel's shoulders and let out a soft chuckle.

''I guess we're both a couple of dumbasses then.''

Cas smiled at that, a big warm grin that made Dean's heart flutter.

''I guess so.''

Chapter Text

''So uh - you're okay?,'' Dean said softly, his gaze dropping to Cas's white shirt, still bloody from the attack.

''I'm fine Dean, I appear to be healing well,'' He looked down, and with a wave of his hand his shirt was rendered clean by his grace. ''Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.''

''You better not.''

Cas smiled again and slowly reached out his hand to interlock his fingers with Dean's before speaking. ''I always want to be with you, Dean.''

Dean looked down at their joined hands while his face heated up, suddenly feeling nervous about the whole ordeal. ''that- that's sappy.'' Cas raised an eyebrow at that, smirking at how visibly flustered he was making Dean. ''But it's true,'' he replied.

''Shut up you big sap and kiss me again,'' he chuckled, raising his hands to the angel's cheeks to kiss him once more. The kiss felt so right. He wouldn't like to admit it - but he'd always wondered what kissing Cas would be like, the feel of his stubble and those plump lips against his, and now that he had it it was intoxicating. Cas was inexperienced which was to be expected, but his enthusiasm and little sighs of pleasure made up for it. He'd wished he just closed the distance and kissed him a long time ago - now he knows what he was missing he can't get enough.

Their kisses started to speed up and soon grew hungrier, he wanted more - wanted to feel more of Cas's body against his. He held the back of Cas's neck as he trailed kisses across the angel's jaw to his ear, drawing their bodies closer together. Dean could feel Cas's breath hot and panting against his cheek. ''Dean,'' he breathed out, his eyes fluttering closed at the sensations. Finally having Dean this close and intimate was overwhelming, he found himself wanting more. He grabbed at Dean's shirt to hold on as the man rocked his hips forward against his own - the motion drawing a groan from both of them. ''Dean,'' he said again, this time with more urgency. He could feel the man's hardness against his own through their clothes as they rocked together.

''Fuck,'' Dean cursed as he let go of Cas. Both men gazed at eachother for a while - their chests heaving.

''Bedroom,'' Dean said quickly, grabbing the angel's hand and leading him through the bunker halls. As soon as they closed the door to Dean's bedroom with a click - he hastily pushed Cas up against it with abandon and kissed him hot and heavy. Cas gasped as their groins where pushed flush together once more. Dean pushed a leg between Cas's thighs for more friction and began untying the angel's tie with trembling hands. Once he'd thrown the tie to the floor Cas swapped their positions so Dean was pushed up against the door as he continued their kisses and gripped onto the hunter's hips. ''Cas -'' Dean said in a breathly voice once their mouths parted. He didn't even bother getting Cas's trenchcoat off as he pushed him backwards untill he was lying on the bed. He straddled the angel's hips and rocked once - twice, drawing deep groans from Cas. Dean had never felt so turned on in his life, if Cas kept making those noises he knew he wouldn't last long.

''God Cas, you don't know how long I've wanted this,'' he muttered in a broken voice as he began quickly unbuttoning the angel's white shirt. Once his shirt was open he pressed kisses down his collar bone and chest untill he reached a nipple - mouthing at it and darting his tongue out. Cas's back arched as he let out a gasp and a little ''oh.''

Dean smirked up at him ''You like that?''

''that - that's,'' was all he managed to get out, he was overwhelmed and rendered a wordless, blabbering mess. Seeing Cas - who was usually so stoic and held together - lose it like this - eyes shut tight in pleasure and hair messy, made more of Dean's blood rush down south making his jeans even tighter. His hand flew down to Cas's groin, cupping the hardness through his dress pants and rubbing, the friction making the angel tense up as his eyes flung open. ''De- Dean, I- Dean!''

He stopped and looked up as he heard Cas's panicked voice and watched as the angel's eyes started to shine a lighter blue with grace. His hands were gripped tight in the bedsheets by his hips. He thought he might have done something wrong or should have gone slower so he stopped and placed a hand over the angel's.

''Hey- hey, you good?,'' he said, rubbing a thumb over the angel's hand in a soothing motion as he watched him slowly calm down - the light in his eyes dimming down and his chest heaving.

''I- I almost,'' he stuttered out, eyes clamping shut again with a pained expression on his face. ''I almost reached ejaculation already.''

oh. Dean felt a spurt of precum wet the front of his boxers just at the thought of Castiel - angel of the lord - almost cumming in his pants too quickly.

''Fuck thats - that's hot,'' Dean said as he lifted up his hips and pulled his jeans off, throwing them on the floor in a hurry. ''Don't-,'' Dean began as he fumbled with Cas's belt and unhooked it, pulling his black slacks down past his thighs. ''Don't worry 'bout it Cas, just- just let go, it'll feel good. Want you to feel good.''

He hummed in responce as Dean began straddling his hips again, sitting up and eyeing at Cas's white boxers. The light colour did nothing to hide the big wet patch already soaking the front where it tented. He thought he saw something like hesitation cross Dean's face for a split second, probably because being with someone with a male body was new to him, but any doubts he might have had were erased as soon as Dean kissed him again and ground his hips against his. Dean sat up once more and grabbed at one of Cas's hands and held on tight as their humping grew faster, Cas's other hand gripping at Dean's ass as he humped him into the matress - the material from their boxers causing glorious friction that sent sparks of pleasure through them. It wasn't long before Cas was tensing up again, his eyes glowing blue as the grinding grew faster. Dean reached out a hand and rubbed at a nipple - and that was it - Dean watched on in something like amazement as Cas groaned loudly, his back arching off the bed as the lights in the room flickered and two huge shadows of wings erupted from his back on either side of the bed. He was startled as the lightbulb in the lamp next to them blew as he felt the wetness of Cas's orgasm through their underwear. ''Dean- Dean - Dean,'' he chanted in a wrecked voice as he rode wave after wave of pleasure. Dean shoved his hand in his own underwear hurridly and gave a few tugs to his dick, soon after he came with a shout and 'Castiel!' on his lips.

He slumped down and laid beside him on the bed, their hands still held together tightly as they both trembled from the aftershocks of their orgasm. Seeing Castiel's wings briefly reminded him that this man he loves wasn't just a man - but something other-worldly, old and powerful - and he loved him back. He was shook with emotion at the fact that an angel like him could love a mere human like him.

''Love you,'' he blurted out in almost a sob. Cas turned to face him on the pillow and gave him a wide smile as they gazed into eachothers eyes, just like they've been doing all these years.

''I love you too, Dean.''


Morning came and Sam was suprised to see that his brother wasn't up yet. He walked to Dean's room to wake him up and knocked on his door gently. When he didn't get a responce he pushed open the door just slightly and poked his head through. His eyebrows shot up at the sight before him - Dean snuggled up under the blankets with his head resting on Cas's bare chest, both sound asleep and snuggled close.

He quickly shut the door and leaned his back against it, a smile forming on his face as he let out a sigh.