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serendipity

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The day you found out was the best day of your life, and also the worst.

You were 16 and 16 year olds aren’t supposed to have babies. But this was your baby. You and Dirk’s baby.

A couple months back, you and Dirk had..experimented. He wanted to find out if he was gay, you wanted to find out if he was too. And you had always gone by the fact that you were bisexual - but you had only been with Jane for a brief period, before you guys realized you were better friends than lovers.

So when Dirk proposed to experiment with each other - since you guys were such close friends, of course you said yes. You’ve had a crush on him forever. Not so much lately, but still.

And almost 2 months after that, when you finally took a test after weeks of throwing up and sore breasts, you cried. You cried so hard. You didn’t know what to do. You were so upset that you were a teen mom, but so excited because you were a mom.

Telling Dirk was hard. Especially since he was in a relationship with Jake. But nonetheless, they were supportive. That was the first time you had ever seen Dirk tear up (you made him take off his glasses for this).

Jake was excited. He smiled brightly and immediately placed his hand on your stomach. You laughed and pushed his hand off, telling him that he’s not going to feel anything this early.

Telling Janey was even harder. She placed her warm palm on the side of your face and smiled sadly. “No matter what,” She said in that soft, motherly voice you were accustomed to. “I will always love and support you. We’ll all help you with this baby.”

-

The next week when the whole gang was together in Dirk’s basement, Jake popped the question. “So what do you think you’re gonna name the little one?” He asked.

You smiled. You’d been thinking about this for weeks now. “Callie-Rose.” You said. “After my grandmother.” Everyone nodded.

Jane smiled. “That’s a lovely name.” The rest agreed. “And a middle?” She asked.

You thought for a minute. You didn’t really have anyone else to name her after. But soon you settled on one. Your favorite word.

“Serendipity.” You answered. The others nod. Dirk swallows awkwardly. He isn’t as excited about this whole baby business as the rest of you, especially since it’s his. You know he’s afraid. He doesn’t wanna turn out like his older brothers, D and Bro. But you know he’d never.

“Callie-Rose Serendipity Strider.” Jane tried. “It fits.” And you swear you saw Dirk smile at it.

-

A week after that, 2 weeks before your 3 month mark, you get your period. Or what you hope is your period.

You woke up in the middle of the night with such horrible cramps. Your stomach felt like it was twisting itself around itself. You got up, holding your barely-paunch stomach as you stumbled towards the bathroom.

After getting up, you felt the warm wet blood pooled between your thighs and stained onto your white bed sheets.

That night, you gave birth to Callie-Rose Serendipity Strider, in a toilet bowl full of blood.

-

All night that night you spend cleaning up all the blood, washing the sheets, scrubbing the toilet and throwing away the underwear you were wearing when it happened. You didn’t sleep that night. You called Jane at 4:03 in the morning, crying while hoping she picked up.

When she answered in a groggy voice, you couldn’t help but let out a sob. Instantly, you heard the perkiness in Jane’s voice once she heard you cry.

“Roxy? Dear, what is it?” She said, worried.

“I-” A sob cuts you off. “I l-lost the baby!” You sob into your cell phone, clutching the pink kitty-cat case with both hands. You heard Jane’s breath hitch.

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” She said and hung up. You laid in your freshly sheeted bed, crying as you waited for her.

When she got there, she laid your head in her lap and smoothed your hair down until you stopped crying. Neither of you slept. You both just closed your eyes while Jane sang lullabies to you.

“Should we call the boys?” You whimpered after a long silence.

Jane tucks some of your blonde hair behind your ear. “We’ll worry them with it in the morning.” She said and you nodded, not wanting to have to speak to them right now anyway.

-

In the morning, after not getting but a few minute naps throughout the night, you had to tell the boys. All 4 of you cried. Even Dirk. Silent, but you saw the tears. You all missed a little girl none of you had the chance to get to know.

The next week or so, you live in your bed. One day, Jane brings in your favorite homemade soup she makes, “pot pie” soup. You sit up in bed, your hair a mess and you smelling like sweat. You sit with your knees to your chest as she feeds you spoonful after spoonful of soup. Jane says she’s glad you can keep food down.

Another day, Jake comes in and puts a movie in, and you guys watch it while your head lays on his shoulder and his arm around your small body. Every once in a while you catch his worried looks. He tries to make funny commentary, and you give him small smiles every time he does, because you don’t want him to feel bad.

Another day, the final day, Dirk visits you. He doesn’t tell you he’s coming, he doesn’t knock to come in, or say anything once he comes in. He just enters your room quietly while you’re on your phone, facing the wall.

He walks over to your bed, kicks off his converse (the orange ones you got him for christmas) and crawls under the blanket with you, wrapping his big arms around you.

You scoot closer to him, and he speaks, right next to your ear. “I will never understand the pain you’re going through, because I never carried her in my body. But I do understand the pain of losing a child.” He says, and with that you lay like that for 3 hours. You eventually fell asleep and when you woke up, he was gone, but his cologne lingered.

-

Eventually, you heal. Pregnancy videos still make you sad, you still get a small pang of fear every time you slide your underwear down to pee, scared to see blood. Your periods make you worry and remember, but you live.

You’ve come to realize that the universe didn’t want Callie-Rose. And by god, the universe gets what she wants. Always.