Luca was awestruck by all the human headwear hanging on racks and sitting on shelves. The Bastil had no need for such garments for climate protection, so the concept of putting on anything to cover your head was completely foreign. But still, he loved the idea of hats and would do just about anything to look more human.
“Let’s take a look at the ball caps, Luca. Everyone wears them and I might find one I like too.”
Luca nodded in agreement, not entirely sure what a “ball cap” was until he was confronted with them. He gazed at the hats’ various colors and embroidered images, trying to make sense of those with words on them like “Diamondbacks”, “49ers”, and “Nohomo”.
One particular hat interested Drew, a camo cap with a grizzly bear paw on the front. Not usually a hat guy, he decided to try it on, backwards, like all the cool kids his age do. After putting it on, his rebellious hair poofed out in all directions, especially through the hole above the sizing closure, making him look like a proud peacock. Luca found this hilarious and started laughing out loud.
“What!?” Drew said nervously.
“Droo’s hair! Is like bird’s feathers! Bwahahahaaaaaa!”
With that kind of reaction, Drew knew it was a must-have and said, “I’m totally buying this.” Luca winked and said, “Good for Droo. I love bird feathers!”
With that settled, he focused his attention more squarely on finding a similar hat for Luca.
After searching a couple of rows of caps, he stumbled upon a gem, a white cap with a little green alien on it - the perfect complement Luca’s new alien sweater. He stuck it on Luca’s head, playfully pulling the bill down tight. Luca blushed a little, happy that His Human continued to thaw his iciness.
Drew was surprised at how cute-hot Luca looked in that cap. He had a thing for guys in hats, but even so, the instinctual urge to grab and make out with the male alien (the “malien” Drew once mused to himself) right there in the store was something he didn’t expect.
Drew’s eyes widened ever so slightly, “Do you like this hat, Luca? I’ll buy it for you.”
Luca pulled up on the hat and took a look in a nearby mirror. After a short deliberation, Luca grimaced with a protruding tongue as if he just finished sucking on a lemon. “Bleahh. Don’t like. Not pretty.”
“Really? I think it looks uh… uhh.. well… Then… which hat do you like?”
Luca carefully studied the other ball caps and decided they were all mundane. How frustrating. He began to gaze around other parts of the store, hoping to find something better. Then, something caught his eye in another part of the section hanging on a hook. He gasped with delight, almost not believing what he was seeing. He pranced towards the wide-brimmed, tall-crowned, dark grey masterpiece finished with a deep eggplant-purple decorative band. It looked majestic, it looked distinguished, it looked like the most amazing piece of human clothing he’d ever seen. Drew followed in pursuit, not exactly sure what had been spotted. Luca pointed frantically and asked, “What.. What is this hat, Droo!? Is it the most prettiest hat?”
Drew’s mouth slowly became agape. He was shocked at what Luca had discovered, and more fearful that Luca was raving over something that would clearly not help him blend in…at all.
“This hat…uhh.. this hat is a cowboy hat Luca.”
“Kaoouuboy, Droo? What is kaoouuboy?”
“It’s a person who rides horses and herds cows.”
“I know what horse is! What means herd cows, Droo?”
Still in a little shock, Drew pulled out his phone to show Luca a picture of a cow. “See? it’s a big animal.” He hesitated a little before adding the next part because he thought Luca might just scream with too much joy causing a scene: “Cows go mooooooo.”
As expected, Luca jumped up and down and repeated “Mooo000OOOOOOO000oo!”
“So silly animal!!!”
“Alright, alright Luca, calm down. Herd means to collect the cows together. That’s the cowboy’s job to collect them and raise them for food.”
“Ahh! I understand! So humans can eat flesh!”
“Not flesh, Luca. Meat.”
“Is still same thing, Droo….”
“…… I guess you’re right…”
Luca was content that Drew finally came to his senses about meat, not realizing that he was just trying to quell the alien’s pedantry. After a short moment, Luca’s focus came back to the hat.
“I want to try it!”
Drew sighed, “Alright, but please be careful with it.”
Luca’s hands twitched and trembled while carefully taking the precious hat from its perch. Luca marveled at how soft, but still stiff and weighty it was. Carefully, Luca placed it atop. In response, Drew’s eyes widened and his jaw completely dropped. He couldn’t believe it. The hat complemented all of his facial features, and its colors even perfectly accented the alien’s eyes. Luca’s face markings peered out of the sides, making them look like rugged scars he earned from a few rodeo wrecks. No question about it - Luca looked like one smokin’ hot alien wrangler, one for which he’d happily bareback under the stars in some pasture. Imagining that scenario made his lower region begin pulsating.
Meanwhile, Luca had galloped over to the nearest mirror and outwardly agreed with Drew’s inner analysis by shrieking with delight, “IS THE MOST PRETTIEST!”
Luca turned back to Drew, who was still lost in thought and immobile. Sensing his tacit liking of the new look (and seeing the not-so-tacit bulge building in his jeans), Luca gave Drew a deep, penetrating gaze which got his attention. Softly he whispered “Yoo are my moo, Droo… I herd yoo. But, Droo’s flesh is only…ONLY for me!” as he instinctively pulled down on the brim slowly over his eyes while keeping his intense stare. Luca knew that seduction sealed the deal as Drew turned marinara sauce red and raised his hands to his face.
“We buy?” Luca asked.
After regaining his composure Drew nodded slowly and said, “Yeahhhhh. I mean yes! But, I guess this means we’re gonna need to buy you a pair of boots too.”
Luca’s face beamed with delight. “Squeee!!! My most prettiest hat! But what’s a boots, Droo? For my head too?”
Drew shook his head and smiled, “Come on, cowboy. I’ll show you.”