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You are my Reality

Chapter Text

" I'm sorry to tell you that your son has what we call Erotomania. It is a type of delusional disorder where the affected person and, in this case, your son is obsessed with another person and groundlessly believes that that person is in love with him.
This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger and you're saying that this is the case with your son, that this guy named Kai is a stranger to him! .. so during an Erotomanic delusion, the patient believes that a secret admirer is declaring his or her affection for him or her, often by special glances, signals, telepathy, or messages"

 

The doctor continues explaining his case to his parents, who kept asking questions. His own mother looks on the verge of crying as he kept standing near the door observing silently.

 

" And right now the disbelieving and denial that is coming from you or anyone else is going to be dismissed by the patient as a ploy to try to take him away from the one he believes he is in a relationship with. He will take it as you trying to just set them apart, he won't understand that this is all in his head. A mere delusion and that's why he kept this unrealistic relationship a secret, all this time"

 

 

That's what Sehun heard almost a year ago when his parents insist to take him to a Psychologist, even though he kept telling them after they find out that what he's saying is the truth. That he's not imagining some kind of unreal relationship between him and the boy next door.

But that didn't go well and that's why he's here in this mental hospital for almost a year, and no one is believing him no one is believing that he and Kai were real and they are till now real. But Sehun knows, he believes in it.

 

" Good morning Sehun, how you're feeling today ?"

The same boring question comes always from the same nurse Yuri, who is responsible for him and making sure he is taking his medicines in time every single day. She's a nice woman in her early thirties and always been so nice to him and try to cheer him up, but Sehun is not in the mood.

" What do you think ?"

He said back to her. Really what kind of question she keeps asking him? like what would a person feel if he's locked in a mental hospital knowing he's not sick, knowing the life he's seeing and remembering is true?

Everything was so real and he will always keep saying it to the doctor even if that means they will keep him here even longer.
Because what he had with Kai was real.

" uhh... I'm sorry I didn't .."

" No, I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that. And it's okay! I'm used to this by now"

She smiles at him warmly as she gives him five different pills and glace of water. He takes them and drank them with the help of water without complaining or hesitating.

 

He's tired. During the first few days, weeks and even the first few months he fought and refused to take them. But they forced him and kept forcing him till he gave up. He gave up and start taking them without any resistance.

" Open your mouth, please !"

The usual order whenever he takes the pills came. It's the routine like Yuri says, for them to check if the patient really did take them. So Sehun once again didn't fight to not open his mouth or whatsoever and did as he's been told. The nurse Yuri checks, then smiled satisfied and start taking the medicines and stopped at the door.

" Okay Sehun see you at lunchtime, and I hope this time that you will go out of your room and join the others"

 

With that, she left him. The moment the door is closed, he runs to the bathroom throwing up the piles that actually slipped down his throat. True, he's not fighting them anymore but that doesn't mean he's giving up or obeying them.

He's been doing this since he figured out that fighting isn't going to work, so he changed his methods with them and the only thing he could come up with is to play along and just go with whatever they say but that doesn't mean he is believing them, no!
He will always believe in himself and only himself, he's not crazy or mentally ill like they keep saying. He's not, it's just what he sees and believes in doesn't go with what they want, their beliefs don't go well with his reality that he keeps seeing till now.

 

He looked at himself in the mirror and he notices how he's even paler than usual and of course no need to mention how much weight he lost which made him so thin. For someone who's only seventeen years old, it's too much, this is too much for anyone but he still has hope.
A little faith that is still there in his soul and heart even after spending all these months here.

" I can make it through this! I can service this, he will come for me... he will find me, I'll get out of here"

He kept whispering those words to himself again and again like he always does to keep himself in check to not lose it here is a mental hospital. He needs to keep his mental state on check all the times, he needs to always remember that the past he sees is true, that Kai is real and loves him more than anyone in this world.

Chapter Text

It's Sehun sweet sixteen today and as always his parents aren't home. Anyway when they were ever here with him, to begin with, but at least they allowed him this time to go celebrate with his friends. That's after he promised them to come back early and he needs to keep his promise. Because even if they weren't here the rules are still applied on him and the servants make sure of that and he is the forever good son, always listening to his parents and never say no to them.
So that's why he's now in the car with the driver taking him back home and it still 12:30 PM.

" Welcome back !"

The servant is fast to greet him at the front door when she opened it. He didn't say a word, went straight to his room and locked the door after him, not like anyone will dare to come inside anyway but he likes to have his own privacy.

from Lu
The party still going ..u coming !!!!

If any other day he will refuse like usual because it's not the first time that his friend asks him to go hang out, but he can't accept it if it's against his parents' rules, he never goes against the rules.

But today he turned sixteen it won't hurt anyone if he just this time, just this once do what he actually wants and enjoy himself and do whatever he wants.

After a few minutes of thinking and rethinking, he finally makes up his mind and took a decision. He will go just this once, he will do it. What's the worse thing that could happen anyway?

to Lu
I'll call u if I made it there

 

Rechecking if the door is closed and hearing complete silence which means all the servants went to sleep since it was past midnight by now and they thought he is asleep, so no one will ever know he left the house and he will make sure to come before anyone figures it out. Besides no one ever came before to wake him in the morning, so the plan gonna do just fine.

With one last deep breath he jumps outside the window and even if his room is in the first floor he was scared, after all this his first time doing such a thing so he reaches with his hand to the nearby tree branch just to make sure he will land safely.

He chuckles softly when he succeeds in doing it.

" Wow! this is so much fun, no wonder Luhan likes to escape from his house so much"

He mumbles to himself still chuckling and with one last look to his window to make sure it's not so high so he will be able to enter from it later when he comes back and with that he let his own feet take him away.

 

After merely ten minutes walk he starts thinking to go to the bus station and then if there are no buses by this time he will need to call Luhan to pick him since he has no other choice. Well, he can call a taxi but he doesn't feel like it.

 

He stops for a moment just a few feet away from the front door of the Kim's house it's just like their own house. Actually, all the houses here are the same but he wasn't looking at the house, to begin with, he is more occupied with the car that stopped there. So he quickly hides so whomever those people are won't see him.

He saw a tall guy, very tall with ears Sehun couldn't help but notice them and very pretty eyes even with the dark he manages to see them maybe the light coming from the lamppost helped him too. The guy looks somehow familiar to him but he couldn't remember.
That guy went straight to the passenger seat and opens it to help another guy to come out that looked so drunk or worse on drugs maybe. All the thoughts suddenly froze in Sehun's head the moment he saw the second guy face. He is the Kim' son in all his glory or in all his drunken glory but still, he looks amazing so, so good Sehun could feel how hard his breathing became who could blame him anyway?
He's been liking Kim Kai the moment he saw him which is two years ago when he was only fourteen. It's only two years but he didn't manage to like anyone else no matter how hard he tries, so he just accepts it and kept stealing glances and admiring the guy from afar and it's so hard to actually catch the other since he is four years older than him and apparently never stay at home.

And a chance like this to see him in front of him is so rare he needs to take all he can from it.

" I-I'm ..fine ..I ca..can .. walk .."

He can hear Kai's voice echoing in the silence of the street but the way he talked showed nothing to be near fine like he is saying, he sure needs help and for a moment Sehun wishes that he could be the one there holding and supporting him, to take him inside his house but this will never happen.

At those moments when his mind wasn't there with him, he missed what they said to each other but whatever it was it made the other tall guy let go of Kai.

" Okay, I get it! I'll stay here at least till I watch you enter the gate safely"

That's all Sehun could catch and he is now watching how Kai enters and how the other guy did as he said and went to his car as soon as he made sure his friend did what he told him to.

 

When the car was out of his vision, he came out from where he was hiding and start walking again resuming from where he stopped before, only to hear a thud coming from behind, in the other side of the gate. The Kim's gate.
He sure isn't supposed to look inside; he isn't supposed to push it open and enter, he was supposed to just walk on his way like nothing happens, as if he didn't hear a thing. Yet, he is doing exactly the opposite of that.

He lets himself walk inside.

Chapter Text

" Please... d-don't please .."

No matter how much he begs and keeps on begging, the other won't stop, it hurt so bad but he's trying to muffle his cries because as crazy as it might sounds he doesn't want anyone to hear what's happening down here in this room.

 

He had helped Kai once he entered past the gate following the noises he heard. Finding Kai struggling to walk properly, and him being stupid and naive, not thinking much of what he is doing except how much he wants to get near to the older even if the other won't probably remember him in the morning. So he follows his heart, not really knowing that he is actually walking with the monster willingly inside.

 

That's how he finds himself in the latter's room, being fucked mercilessly. He can't see the other's face because he is on all four trying to get away from him but with two strong grips around his hips and he is stilling, while Kai keeps pounding inside of him so hard and it hurt so, so bad because it's his first time and the older didn't even bother to prep him.

He never had a dick inside of him before and this is too much for him, the other just shove it inside of him with one go just like that. But not before kissing his thin pink lips till they became red and swollen; not before he pushed him on top of the bed and grind on him sensually till Sehun felt his own cock starts to harden, and not before whispering a small can _you are so pretty_ with his deep, drunken voice into his ear, after a long suck on his earlobe.

But then, he just pulled his jeans and boxer down to his knees in one go exposing his ass and just like that he's now inside of him fucking him, even with him pleading for him to stop. Still, that doesn't seem to make any difference to the other maybe because he is drunk or on drugs. He doesn't know what he's doing; that's what Sehun kept telling himself.

 

Tears kept falling from his eyes to the sheets under him making them yet but not only from just his tears, also with sweat and pre-come that keep leaking from his member but that doesn't mean he's enjoying this, he doesn't want it to be like this.
This wasn't supposed to be like this; his first time wanst supposed to be like this. A part of him did surrendered to the older minutes before, letting him kiss him and touch his body in a way nobody ever did before but he didn't think things will reach this point. With the person, he liked for years now forcing himself on him while he's not in his right mind and probably won't even remember it in the morning.

Without any warning he found himself coming untouched just from the ruthless way the other is fucking him, hitting that spot inside of him that makes him see stars, and the older doesn't stop. He still kept fucking him and he's so sensitive; too sensitive till it starts to hurt once again when before in some moment it became kind of pleasurable but he shouldn't say that he shouldn't enjoy this; he shouldn't because he never want it to happen like this; he wanted Kai to make love to him, not this.

" Please, Kaii... please .."

He starts begging once again but this once he isn't sure for what exactly. It's too hard to talk, and so difficult to think properly with the way the older keeps on fucking his ass, so all that kept leaving his mouth after are his own moans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Opening his eyes; he gets up to face the reality instead of living in his memories he was seeing in his dream or was it a nightmare? He thinks after he notices the tears that are falling down his cheeks.

 

He didn't notice when he fell asleep and by now it's almost lunchtime. He stood up and decided that he should go out of the room and eat with the other few patients here, it's much better than staying alone here remembering that night; the night that turned his world upside down but at the same time he never regrets it because it brought one good thing with it as well; Kai noticed him since then.

 

 

" Sehun~ah you actually came out from your room. Come, sit with me please !"

Sehun didn't want to sit in the same table with him; he doesn't have the energy to handle Taehyung right now but that small please and the look he is giving him made him give up.

" Hi, Taehyung !"

" Well hi to you too! I'm glad really to see you leaving your room"

"Even if I left it, it's not like that's gonna do any good to me"

Sehun scoffs, but he is being serious and he doesn't get it how Taehyung can be happy at times like this when he himself is too in this mental hospital. He doesn't get it how the other manages to smile this widely after all what he has been through.

" Well, at least you're interacting with others ..?"

Taehyung said to him, and it comes to Sehun as a question more than being a statement.

" Yeah... interacting with crazy people, how great !"

He said it without much thinking and right away he regrets the moment that words left his mouth because it looks like he just hurt Taehyung by it, but he didn't mean it for this to happen at all.

" Yeah and you're the only sane one here"

He heard the other say and then start laughing. Even if he knows that the other laugh isn't that genius and he is only trying to fix the tensed mood by turning it into a joke, he didn't mind it. In fact, he is glad that Taehyung isn't mad at him. He does not want to lose the only friend he made here, in this place.
So he didn't make an effort to respond, placing a small smile on his face as he starts eating.
They stayed like this for few minutes till Taehyung couldn't take the silence any longer as Sehun expected and start telling him what's been happening to him lately, but the conversation took another direction too quickly for Sehun liking. From the light and funny mood only to bitter and angsty just like its supposed to feel in this place.

" You know Sehun! I don't wanna be here either, it's not like I'm being here by choice. Well actually, it is... my choice I really wanna recover; I wanna forget and move on, and be better... don't you ?"

He looks at him, asking him a question Sehun doesn't know how he should answer it. Does he want to be better? Isn't he already okay, and only need to get out of this place?

 

" I'm not sick Tahyung. I am not crazy what and I'm here totally against my will. I've been saying the truth to all of them, it just... nobody wants to believe me"

Taehyung continues talking after a short pause; continue talking like he didn't ask him a question; like Sehun didn't give him an answer just now. He behaves as if he didn't hear anything and perhaps he truly didn't hear anything too deep in his thoughts to be able to.

" But he keeps coming to me; I keep seeing him and talking to him, no matter how much I try to just not think about him it's not working. I think I'm gonna stay here forever if this kept going like this, I will never recover"

 

At this Sehun didn't know what he is supposed to say, he doesn't have an answer to this but after thinking about it for a few seconds Taehyung didn't really ask him a question at all.

Sehun knows about Taehyung problems; he heard them all from his nurse Yuri one day. He knows how Taehyung lost his lover Jimin is a car accident, how he survived but the other didn't and Taehyung since that day lost himself; didn't become normal again.
He didn't belives them when they told him the love of his life died when he woke up from his coma and with the effect of the shock he start seeing him every day, everywhere, talking to him like he is still with him and no one noticed for a long time since Taehyung beside Jimin, the only family that left for him is his older brother. His brother Baekhyung came right after when he heard the news, and after living years in China, he decided to settle down here to take care of his brother. After only a few weeks he noticed his brother weird behavior and when confronting him the younger told him everything while crying his eyes out and Baekhyung not knowing what to do, bring him immediately here to get therapy.

 

"Sehun, it's time for your session"

The voice of his nurse Yuri calling him made him look away from the frowning Taehyung, he hates it to see the other like this. He prefers the smiling and playful Taehyung, but what he could do to make the other feel better when he himself is helpless over here.

 

" Taehyung I have to.."

" Yeah, go ahead. I will be fine !"

The smile that filled Taehyung's face; Sehun could see how fake it is. Sehun knows because he himself put that smile on a lot lately, all fake and just for show.

Another call of his name from his Nurse and he has to leave Taehyung and head straight to his usual session.

Chapter Text

It was one month after his seventeen birthday when his parents found everything about Kai; the Kim's son. At first, they got mad at him and forbidden him from even saying his name at this house and warn him to not see him again.

But only days after, they came with this new idea of them that Kai is just a delusion in his own head. They said that it's all inside his head and all of this is not true. They kept trying to convince him that nothing of this is true, that Kai doesn't even know about him.

But of course, Sehun know that these are all lies. Since everything is true or was true and Sehun believe that it will become true again when Kai finds him, he hopes that the other is looking for him and that he doesn't really believe that Sehun left him after the fight they had to go abroad without even telling him or at least saying goodbye.

 

Sehun keeps prying God every day that the other didn't believe the lie his parents told the others so they don't have to say that the Oh son in mentally sick and in a hospital for treatment right now.

 

Sometimes he wishes he never told his parents about them, if he kept his mouth shut like Kai asked him to do and didn't say a word about them or at least if he only has proved that what he was saying is true.
A text; a photo of them together, anything to prove him right, then maybe they would have believed him.
If only he told his friend LuHan about them. If Kai just let him keep something that would have made the others believe him, but Kai didn't. He was always trying to be careful and he suspects everything around him and make Sehun delete everything the moment it happen from a text message he would have sent to a call, even their meetings were continually in secret, he made him promise him to not tell a single person about them and Sehun did exactly that. He didn't even tell his hyung and best friend Luhan about it and that's what lead him to this, where he is right now.

 

Though he knows that Kai was doing the best for them both by that. Because really, he himself couldn't tell anyone about them especially his parents, knowing that if one word escaped his mouth about them being together when he's still a minor his parents will refuse and even Luhan won't be able to help him in this case, he has enough problems himself.

Not to forget the fact that his family and the Kim hate each other gats for reasons he didn't dare to ask. So it was impossible for him to tell anyone and right now he's paying for loving someone; loving Kai by lying and hiding things, he wishes if he didn't tell his parents if he only listen to what Kai told him, if he only kept lying maybe then this wouldn't have happened, but all the lies are bound to be revealed at the end and that's what happened exactly.

Sometimes, just sometimes after spending hours in the session with his doctor he wonders what if he's wrong and everyone else is right? What if he and Kai weren't real at all? What if him liking him for years made him imagine things just to let his hope up. But he quickly shakes all these thoughts away.

He can't be crazy, he just can't because it felt so damn right, he still can remember every kiss and every touch. Every feeling when he was in his arms. All this can't be just in his head; it just can't be.

 

 

This time though, he really is scared of what is coming from his session. He's so scared that one day he will believe what the doctor is saying to him; that one day he will be like Taehyung wanting to forget his lover. He shakes those thoughts away trying to settle down his fast beating heart by reminding himself again that he and Taehyung aren't the same, and their problems aren't the same.

His lover is still alive and real, everything is real. Kai is his reality; his only reality that keeps him from losing it in here.

 

 

 

 

Sehun enters the room thinking that today going to be just another one like the usual. The doctor will talk and ask him questions, he will answer them and the other will try to convince him that he is sick and so on. The same boring thing as always. But today was deferent it really was deferent the moment the doctor decides to show him a video from the security cameras around Sehun's house, and for a moment Sehun felt a shiver run through his body when he heard that.

" Look Sehun-ssi, I didn't want to show you this and I actually agreed with your parents to not do it... but things changed and since I'm not seeing any improvement in your condition, I have no other choice but to let you see yourself the..."

" What do you mean Dr. Suho? The security cameras will prove what I'm saying is right... they will show you the truth! I can't believe I didn't think of them before"

Sehun totally forgets that their house contains security cameras around it from the outside and some even inside, at the entrance of the door. However, he is feeling worried about the look on the doctor's face. He feels like something bad going to come, that he isn't ready for.

The cameras should prove him right since it will definitely catch him going out in the middle of the night, almost every day to go see Kai. They should catch that one day when Kai himself took him back and help him go inside because he couldn't walk properly because of the night that incident happened.

" The cameras Sehun-ssi... indeed did reveal the truth that you keep running from, just take a look please and you will see yourself. Right now showing you is better than just trying to talk and convince you"

Nothing; nothing at all, that's what the cameras showed from clips to deferent nights, deferent hours. And most importantly, from the first night that he runs out of the house in the night. It shows completely hours of nothing, simply the dark, and silence of the night.

 

Drops of tears fell from Sehun's eyes.
" No! this is not real. You did something to them .. this ... this can't be true. No, please this can't be true... I am not crazy"

His whole body started shivering so bad, till doctor Suho had to come to him and keep him calm, hugging him to his chest tightly, while he kept screaming how this is not true; how it's all fake.

" Sehun-ssi, you need to know that we're here trying to help you and open your eyes to the reality. We are not your enemies here, do you think your parents want to hurt you? We're all here trying to help you, to make you feel better so you will be able to go back to your life and out of here. I really want you to be cured, Sehun"

Chapter Text

" What the fuck! How did this happen? I thought you said you got everything under control !"

"I am really sorry! but things... didn't go as planned and we are actually lucky, things could have gone worse and he might..."

" Just shut up! You should be our best lawyer. You should have got him out of this mess with no fucking problem, clean like a fucking baby but instead..."

Kai is pacing inside the room, he can't stay still not after hearing the news about all this fucked up mess. He doesn't get it, they were very focused on every detail so nothing goes wrong so how the hell this happened? How did the police manage to hold one of their trucks, filled with drugs when it's about to reach the customer? Something is definitely fishy over here and Kai is not stupid; he knows there is someone who is letting things out. One of them is a traitor and he will know who he is. He will pull this rat out even if he has to kill and threat every single one who works for him to find them. He won't let his father mildewing in prison just like this without taking revenge.
Thinking about it, he doesn't even know how long exactly his father going to spend.

 

" How many years we're talking about here ?"

He throws a dirty look at the lawyer sitting on the other side of the desk. He could see how the other is scared of him, from the things he could do to him. Because everyone knows that even if he's young, but still he is the son of Kim. And like father like son, he is capable of doing a lot, since he's been involved in the business for so many years thanks to his very lovely father. All the dirty jobs were given to him, his father trusting him the most to do a smooth and clean job, without the slightest of hesitation.

" A-about... at least t-twenty five years"

With a loud smash of his hands on the top of the desk of his father ( that is his right now), he gave one last glare to the lawyer who he doesn't even remember his name before he dismisses him.

" Get the fuck out... now !"
The other didn't waste a minute and quickly find his way out from the office.

 

 

 

The moment the lawyer left, Kai starts laughing out loud enjoying himself. He can't believe he finally did it; the thing he's been working on it for a few months now and he did it so easily without any mistake. After all, he is not the Kim son for nothing, but today he proved it to himself that he's smarter, so much smarter and worse than his father, he learned from the best after all.

" I see that everything went as planned"
The sudden presence of someone else didn't surprise him at all since he knows exactly who he is.

" I told you everything going to be perfect, didn't I ?"

" Ahhh... I hate to admit it but, yeah whatever"

Laughing a bit more, he then tries to catch his breath so he will be able to talk properly to his friend, who's now lazing comfortably on the big sofa in the corner that surprisingly managed to fit all his height on it.

" I feel like a weight is lifted from my shoulders now since I got rid of my father. He was seriously a pain in the ass"

" Yeah, yeah! and because you think he did something to that kid you were fucking"

" I swear to god, Chanyeol! if I confirmed that he really touched one single hair of him... I fucking swear! I'm gonna finish him in that jail"

" I am sure you will do it! but we're still not sure yet"

Chanyeol mumbles, changing his position and sitting straight instead seeing how serious things became after the mention of that boy. Thinking right away of something else to change the subject.

" But hey! it was genius from you to use the fact that there is a traitor between us against your own father, dude that's what I call brilliant. However, there is still just one small problem.."

" I know! we need to figure out who he actually is as quickly as possible. We don't need any more problems"

Chanyeol lifted himself a little bit to be able to see the other, who is standing near the window looking far away and he already knows what Kai is trying to see the little kid house. Chanyeol though wanting to know what they're going to do now after this; after finally taking control and getting rid of the only stone in their way, who was Kai's father.

"What's next now ?"

 

" I want to focus now on finding him"

"Kai, we've been looking for him for months now and there is still no clue. He just disappeared, followed up with that story of his parents. And we already checked every fucking list in every airport, we checked hospitals, schools, his friends. Every fucking place and we came out with nothing, maybe it's time to give ..."

At his last words, Kai didn't even let him finish them, to begin with, throwing the nearest chair to him so fast, and after being with him for years no Chanyeol has never seen Kai this mad before.

" I'm not gonna give up on looking till I find him. He belongs here with me, so don't you dare say things like this ever again"

Chanyeol sighs giving up on this whole damn thing already since he can't really understand Kai when it comes to Sehun. And again changing his position, he lays down on the couch not wanting to look at his friend anymore.

"I will for now just say... fine whatever shit you want Kai! But... I don't get it are head over heels for that boy? or are you just playing with him since you are obviously still with Kyungsoo"

Kai didn't deny what he heard from Chanyeol, knowing what his friend said is the truth. He is with Kyungsoo till now, but still. After losing his baby boy, now that Sehun is not with him anymore, he completely accepted the fact that he simply misses him like crazy and that he will do anything and everything to have him again. If only he knows what's happened to him.
They were not entirely fine, but they were on their way to it. He was preparing to celebrate the younger seventeenth birthday together before Sehun disappeared on him.

 

However, he is sure that something must have happened to Sehun because he knows very well that the other will never leave him like this, knowing how much Sehun loves him. It's not even an option to the younger if he himself kept coming back to him after he literally raped him. So he is sure that something bad is going on and he's not liking this at all. He definitely isn't happy being away from his baby boy.