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things you didn't say at all & things you said i wasn't meant to hear

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Sometimes, Magnus woke up with a start, and he told Alec everything about the vision in his dreams, that had caused him such a violent awakening.

Sometimes, Magnus woke up with a start, and he didn’t tell Alec everything about the vision in his dreams, that had caused him such a violent awakening.

Sometimes, Magnus woke up with a start and he pushed Alec away like he was the vision in his dreams, that had caused him such a violent awakening.

Alec had never really asked why, hadn’t remembered, often, especially when it happened in the middle of the night and they both fell back asleep. There were thousands of thousands of memories, and so many bad things that could cause Magnus nightmares. There were so many things he’d lived that could make him this way, and Alec knew he wasn’t entitled to most of them. They were Magnus’ memories, and they were private, and some things weren’t things he was supposed to know.

So he just provided comfort, silent and non judgemental comfort, a steady shoulder to curl up against at night, arms to keep the pain away.

That didn’t mean that he didn’t wonder.

He could see Magnus flinch sometimes, wince, and shrug it off immediately, and he never said anything about it. He didn’t know what was hidden in those golden eyes, what darkness inhabited his lover. He wanted to know though. He wanted to share the burden, he wanted to hold him close and cuddle him to bed, and have Magnus spit out every horrible thing, every dark creature, any demon and any pain.

There were things Magnus didn’t say, and he knew he needed to keep him safe, and give him the time to say what he wanted when he wanted. So Alec didn’t ask, and stayed in the ignorance of it, until he walked in the apartment one day, earlier than expected.

There were voices in the apothecary, so he didn’t go and disrupt Magnus and his client, just put his things down and tidied a little around the kitchen. Kitchen that was just next door to the apothecary. And from which, he realized, he could hear everything.

“Do they scare you?”

“The runes?” It was Magnus’ voice, and Alec instinctively listened a little harder. “No.” There was a pause. “I mean yes.”

Yes? Runes? The runes on Alec’s arms? They scared Magnus? Since when?

“Too many memories, I’m guessing.” It was Catarina’s voice, this time. Alec liked Catarina. She was wry and sarcastic, and loving.

“It’s not him. You know it. It’s everything from the past. My mind still thinks that I’m being hunted sometimes. You remember it as I do. The fear. Sometimes, when I wake up and I seem them, even from the corner of my eyes…” He stopped. Alec stopped breathing with him. “I hate that I am this way.”

“Immortality comes with trauma. He knows it.”

“I haven’t told him.”

“You should.”

He should. Alec would burn away the runes himself if it would cause Magnus less pain.

“Maybe… It’s not often. It’s just old instincts. I’m still… a warlock. Old enough to know what it was like to be hunted by them. He doesn’t remember the way they hunted us, but he does see the way they look at me sometimes.”

“Not everyone is Alexander.”

“I’m aware of that.”

They stopped talking, and Alec went back to tidying, to putting the kettle on the stove to make Magnus a cup of tea, sit him down on the couch and tell him that he wished he could erase every scar and every pain, that he could take away everything that had ever happened to him.

He stopped listening, and soon Catarina was walking through the door with a smile. And soon Magnus was following. They had things to tell each other, and Magnus probably knew, because his gaze had something serious about it when he saw Alec.