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Marriage Act Par Excellence

Chapter Text

In every wizarding newspaper in magical Britain, the following article endorsed by the Minister for Magic and the Wizengamot was printed on the front page:

The number of witches and wizards after the war has deteriorated almost to the point of the magical population being unable to sustain itself; therefore, a new marriage law has been enacted. This new Act applies to ALL unmarried witches and wizards who are fertile and of an age and health to have children. ALL witches and wizards of an age to have children have had their fertility tested already and all eligible witches have received a list of eligible, fertile wizards.

Each unmarried, fertile witch aged 16 years or older is required to choose two fertile wizards aged 16 or older who are not already engaged/married, and the wizards may not refuse the witch's choice. Two wizards per witch are required to care for said witch to reduce the number of miscarriages and/or stillbirths which can be natural complications for multiple birth pregnancies. It is the witch's sole choice to prevent allegations and/or accusations of sexual slavery, marital slavery, or brood-witches from arising. Further since the witch will spend much of her immediate future pregnant, she alone should choose WHO she wants to procreate with...therefore, no wizard can refuse, and if he does, he will be sent to Azkaban until he consents. Witches in the Order of Merlin, First Class, choose first...those holding the Order of Merlin, Second Class, choose next...those holding the Order of Merlin, Third Class, choose next. After that, it is first come, first served!

All fertile, healthy witches will be required to bear a total of 12 live magical children in 15 years, rewards will be substantial to any witch and/or couple and/or triad who/which has more than 12 live magical births. After twelve live magical births together, the couple may separate by consent. Death Eaters are eligible for the Marriage Act but should be undergone advisedly. In the case of unions with one or two Death Eaters, a minimum of twenty live magical children in less than twenty years is required for the Death Eaters to be freed with no restrictions placed on them...they will be on "parole" under the supervision of their witch until the requisite number of live magical children are born. Said unions may then separate by consent. No marriage will be registered until the witch is proven to be pregnant by one or both of her chosen wizards.

If a fertile witch is already married and she has between one and twelve live magical children, then she is required to select another wizard, who cannot refuse her choice. Once she has produced twelve live magical children, she may separate from one or both of her husbands...but if she continues to bear children, she (and/or the couple and/or the triad) shall be rewarded exponentially. If a fertile, married witch has no children, her partner is to be tested for fertility. If he is infertile, she may keep him as a husband, but will be required to choose another two more fertile wizard as her second and third husbands.

IF any couple/triad have more than one squib (non-magical child), their fertility will be monitored until they have at least five healthy magical children. If they produce more than two squibs, they will be split up and new wizards will be chosen by the witch. A witch may not deliberately marry an infertile wizard until she has borne a minimum of twelve live magical children, at which point, she is free to separate from her husbands and she can marry or not as she pleases. IF she continues to bear children, she will be rewarded exponentially!

Lastly, a witch or wizard who is fertile and refuses to cooperate with the Marriage Act will be jailed in Azkaban until they choose to cooperate. No exceptions will be made for same sex couples. Further, IF any witch and/or wizard deliberately makes themselves sterile to avoid the Marriage Act, they will be stripped of their magic, obliviated, and kicked out of the magical community with only the clothes on their back.

Chapter Text

"Damnation!" Hermione grumbled..."Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed!" She was referring to the article that was on the front page of the Daily Prophet, the Quibbler, Wicked Witches Weekly, Wizardly Wizards, and every other magical British tabloid paper....front page and central. There was a new Marriage Act...but for once, witches weren't getting the worst of it....this time, it was the wizards that got it in the neck.

"Still, what will I do?" she thought, "Minerva and I are the only eligible witches holding the first class Order of Merlin. We have to choose first for everyone to see and ponder...we can't hide our choices in the crowd. Fuck!"

A week earlier and she would have known that one of her choices would have been her then boyfriend, one Ronald Billius Weasley! BUT, that was before she caught him shagging that prize slag, Lavender Brown once two often! And when cornered, Lavender claimed that she was pregnant by Ronald. Ronald looked like he was caught in the headlights...she knew he was looking for a way out but no, this was the last time he cheated on her. Pasting a fake smile on her face, she congratulated the happy couple and floo'd home.

An hour later, Molly floo-called asking if she could come through to discuss the little "misunderstanding". By that time Hermione had it up to here with the Weasley's AND she had a good three firewhiskeys by then. She told Molly that this was just one in a long line of "misunderstandings" and as far as she was concerned, a pregnant Lavender was more than welcome to Ron...but she was done with him...end of story!

Harry was next...he floo'd in to explain how Ron was misunderstood and that he really didn't mean to sleep with Lavender. Hermione was at the bitch state by then...."Look, Harry, I know he is your best friend but I am sick and tired of him screwing every loose skirt around...including your secretary, by the way...and then when caught, he cites a "misunderstanding". The only misunderstanding here was me actually believing he wanted to be me alone
and that he was capable of keeping it in his pants. Well my misunderstanding is over....and Ron, having made his bed, can sleep in it....I want nothing more to do with him!" Harry apologized for disturbing her...and then things were quiet for an hour or so, in which Hermione had even more fire whiskeys.

It was Ginny next and she asked Hermione to give Ron a second chance after all, he only cheated because she wasn't putting out! Hermione nearly had a stroke and she raged, "The only reason Ron wasn't getting any from me was that I wasn't going to give it up to a man who didn't value my virginity. Your brother was screwing every witch who was within a five kilometer radius...including half the Harpies and Harry's secretary. So, Ron doesn't get to plead the victim here! And now, I have a headache and am going to bed. Night, Ginny!" With that, Hermione closed and blocked the floo and changed her wards before she headed to her bed.

Ron continued to try to get Hermione to take him back until she threatened to get a restraining order to keep him away. Ron had allegedly knocked up Lavender and he could marry her for all she cared. And that was what had happened a week earlier.

Now, she had to think about what she was going to do. She was glad she wasn't going to be married to Ron...but who did she want to marry? She knew what she did want...a wizard who could keep it in his pants....who would only have sex with her and no one else...someone who could talk about more than Quidditch...one who could haul her out of herself when she was too serious...one who was very clever and understood her...someone she wouldn't be ashamed to be married to. It should be someone older, possibly more mature. That was a tall order...but one thing was certain, whoever she chose, it wouldn't be Ronald Weasley! That was one very lucky escape!

So who? She ran thru a list of everyone she went to Hogwarts with and no one came to mind. Draco? Not after seven years of his bullying her. The Weasley twins? They would be good for a laugh but not for much more. Ditto for Sirius Black and the Lestrange brothers. Adrian, Marcus, Theo, Blaise were certainly okay but they weren't strong enough for her. So who was?

Then Hermione remembered...there was someone from Hogwarts who might do. She had been the victim of bullying from both Gryffindors and Slytherins...they would snap her quills, pour ink over her homework, and smash her inkwells, as well as stealing her book bag and leaving it all over the place. That was...until Thorfinn Rowle stepped in. For no good reason she could remember, he made it abundantly clear to all concerned that Hermione was under his protection and that he would be most unhappy with anyone who bullied her. All of a sudden, she was left alone...no one took her things or destroyed them....instead, they avoided her, not willing to earn Rowle's wrath. His reputation was such that even after he had graduated from Hogwarts, no one ever bullied her again...perhaps because they were out of the habit or because they were afraid he would still come after them....she never would know.

Thorfinn Rowle...much brighter and more thoughtful than most realized...and although he was Quidditch-mad, he could converse on more than Quidditch. And although he was a bit of a man-slag, no one had ever alleged that he had cheated on anyone; mind you, she wasn't sure he ever did date anyone exclusively, so perhaps that didn't count. Could he make her laugh and take her out of herself? Yes, definitely. Could he be serious and understand the things that were important to her? Maybe? But then...did all the qualifications have to be present in just one wizard...after all, she was to have TWO wizards!

So...Thorfinn Rowle...and who would be the second wizard? Just one name came to mind and it surprised her...Antonin Dolohov. She wasn't stupid...she remembered that he had tried to kill her in her fifth year, but then, he had been in the service of a mad man...a fanatic. Would he still be like that now? She knew that he and Thorfinn were best mates so as co-husbands, they would work well together. She had to make a choice...and although it was likely to really piss off all her friends, she was decided. She could do a lot worse than being married to Thorfinn Rowle and Antonin Dolohov...so, they were her choice!

Chapter Text

Not one to let the grass to grow underneath her, Hermione leapt out of bed and into her clothes. She needed to talk to Minerva....the only other witch to hold the Order of Merlin, First Class....and make sure that they didn't opt for the same wizards and also to run her choices past her former professor, who was probably the one person who knew her better than anyone else.

"Rowe AND Dolohov, Hermione?" questioned the witch. "Either wizard on their own would be more than a handful for any witch, BUT the pair of them? What are you thinking?"

Hermione stayed silent for a few minutes, taking the time to gather her thoughts and her reasoning's. "Professor," she started, "I am pretty high maintenance or so I have been told. I do acknowledge that a sports-minded wizard or one that goes out all the time to get drunk and watch Quidditch is not likely to satisfy me. But when I made a list of the qualities that were either very important to me or which left me cold, I discovered that one wizard couldn't meet all my needs. And since the whole purpose of the Act was to give two wizards to every witch, then one wizard didn't need to be the end all for me...I could get my needs satisfied by two separate wizards."

Minerva continued, "But still, Hermione, Rowle, Dolohov? Why those two? Have you forgotten that they tried to kill you?"

"I have forgotten nothing, Professor," Hermione said. "But this Act is open for Death Eaters to rehabilitate themselves so there must be some sort of insurance to keep them from killing us witches. And I don't think you know that Thorfinn defended me when I was at Hogwarts. A number of spiteful wizards and witches took exception to my grades and proceeded to make my life a living hell. Thorfinn came across me crying in a deserted corridor and managed to find out what had happened....my quills broken, my ink spilled all over my books, including my library books, and the inkwells smashed...plus half my books were torn and/or missing. He got to the bottom of it...punished the culprits, threatened the rest, and replaced my damaged belongings. He even managed to explain to the librarian that it was his fault that the books were damaged and he paid for the damages himself. And after that, he kept an eye on me to make sure the bullies stayed away. I never forgot that...he was so good to me and he didn't expect me to do "anything" for him either. And if I can repay him for all his kindnesses to me by opting for him and freeing him from Azkaban, then it is the least I can do!"

Minerva nodded when Hermione mentioned the word "anything". They both knew that Thorfinn Rowle was a man-slag when he was at Hogwarts...if something wore a skirt and moved, he was interested. But...the key question was....has he changed...could he change and be faithful to just one witch? And why Antonin Dolohov?

Hermione continued to explain, "Antonin is a close friend of Thorfinn and I think that would make it easier for the two to share me, assuming neither is prone to jealously! Antonin is older, more mature, more serious and I think that between his personality and that of Thorfinn's, most of my wants and needs could be met. Certainly they wouldn't be met by either wizard alone....and together? I think I could be a very happy witch. Further, I think that they would not want to play on my role as the Gryffindor Princess...one of the Golden Trio....and with their history of having been Death Eaters, I expect they would know how to take care of things if someone like say Ron, tried to take advantage of me. Yes, ordinarily, I can take care of myself but I expect that I will find myself pregnant for much of the next 15-20 years...and pregnancy hormones can be quite draining. I can trust both Thorfinn and Antonin to keep me protected, whereas with a wizard like say Ron, it would be all about him....even if he isn't the one popping out babies!"

"Hermione, while I reflect on your words, why don't I have Tinker bring us some tea and some biscuits?" Minerva offered. "And Hermione, you have graduated so I think you can call me by my first name!"

"Thank you, Professor...sorry, Minerva," Hermione replied.

Tinker brought in two teapots...one with traditional tea and the other with Hermione's favorite mint herbal tea...along with a plate of chocolate covered digestive biscuits. Hermione was hungry. She had apparated to Hogwarts without having her breakfast...such was her need to consult Minerva!

"After suitable reflection," Minerva started ("suitable" meaning a pot of tea and four biscuits), "I think your reasoning is very sound and that the two wizards would balance each other off, thus giving you a favorable position in which to have children...obviously lots of them. It probably would be a good time to tell you that I too tested fertile and am expected to find two wizards and procreate with them. As we are both holders of a First Class Order of Merlin, you and I choose first. I have to admit that I did consider Antonin for myself because of his intelligence, focus, and serious nature, but I think that with Thorfinn, he is a better match for you. And since you are sure on your choices, I am going to choose Severus Snape....and Draco Malfoy!"

Hermione couldn't believe her ears....Minerva was more than three times Draco's age...the Malfoys were going to have a cow! And there would be nothing they could do....Draco Malfoy would be breeding stock for Minerva McGonagall. "Are you sure, Minerva, as Draco is quite a bit younger than you are?" Hermione said, trying very hard not to laugh! "Won't it cause a scandal?"

Minerva replied, "For centuries, old men have thought it acceptable to marry and bed girls only 13 years older, sometimes even younger...and society found that "acceptable"! So why shouldn't the reverse be true, especially since Draco IS a legal adult in our world? And should anyone be crude enough to object my choosing him because of his relative youth, I will point out how many members of the Wizengamot have been or are married to teenagers themselves. Hypocrisy is no defense. That, and I want Draco's "vigor"....I am the head mistress of Hogwarts and although Severus is fertile himself, he doesn't have the reaction time of a teenage male....I don't plan on spending every second of the next twenty years in procreation. If Draco can get the job done in half the time, so be it. And once those 20 babies are popped out, he is free to leave and marry whomever he likes!" Minerva said snippily.

"Twenty babies?" Hermione queried. "You aren't marrying a Death Eater, Minerva. Draco was forced into it and Snape was a spy for the order. Surely that won't count against them?"

"I think, Hermione, you will find, "Minerva said, "That both Snape and the Malfoy family have made a great many enemies so there will be pressure for them to be treated as the other Death Eaters can expect to be treated. At least with them as my husbands and thus able to take shelter at Hogwarts, I can offer them a degree of protection that they might not achieve with a younger, less connected witch! And I am sure I can count on your support!"

"Of course, Minerva, and I think you are right. I guess I wasn't thinking about how Malfoy or Professor Snape might be treated by their witch(s). As you said, with you, other than for procreation services, they can live their lives as they see fit! So, Minerva, when do you think we should make our choices known and should we just do it or consult with our wizards first?" Hermione inquired.

"Let me see," Minerva pondered, "Severus is free already but I think I will give him a head's up. I don't think he will mind too much as there are far worse options than I am. As for Draco, that one is going to be difficult...especially since I have been one of his professors. I think I am going to point out that I am going for the accelerated schedule and if he can shag two kids into me per year, he could be free in say ten years...free to choose another witch, while still being required to help raise our kids. He could have his freedom before he is thirty and as he isn't a stupid wizard, I think he will see the long term benefits for himself. And even if he doesn't, he still has no choice...."

"I am going to see Kingsley in the morning to get a pass to Azkaban. Although the new Marriage Act has been announced everywhere, I don't want to risk that the Warden of Azkaban refuses to acknowledge that his prisoners (the Death Eaters) are eligible. I plan on taking at least two fertility potions as the sooner I am impregnated, the sooner they can gain the freedom. I'll let you know as soon as I have the two of them home, Minerva!" Hermione said.

"Do, and when do you think you will make your announcement," Minerva asked.

"Well, I already have three fertility potions so as soon as I get a pass from Kingsley, I am heading to Azkaban to meet with my wizards. I am prepared to procreate then and there and I have been told that the healers at St. Mungo's can detect a pregnancy in as little as 24 hours. I am 100% sure that Thorfinn will be able to shag a kid into me in a few hours. Once we know I am pregnant, Kingsley will marry the three of us and then we will make the announcement! Why?"

Minerva replied, "I am going to run interference for you! Everyone will be talking about your choices and wondering what happened to Ronald Weasley....so, about an hour after you have announced your choices, I will announce mine. I can assure you that no one will think twice about you after that....I just wish I could see Lucius's face when I announce that I choose Draco. Ten galleons on Lucius and/or Narcissa fainting!" Minerva said with a thin smile.

Hermione jumps up and hugs Minerva, "Oh thank you, Minerva, that will take a lot of pressure off of me. But are you sure..."?

Minerva looks pleased and says, "Nonsense child, I could do no less by my favorite cub. Now get on with you as you have a busy day tomorrow...all that shagging will be hard work!" she said with a smile.

Hermione hugged her friend and floo'd home.

Chapter Text

Early the next morning found Hermione ensconced in a red leather in Kingsley Shacklebolt's office....he being the Minister for Magic.

"Hermione, if you are trying to get out of the Marriage Act..." Kingsley started.

Hermione interrupted saying..."Not at all, Kingsley. I think that the Marriage Act is as fair as it is possible, giving the choice for the first time to the witches who are actually going to do all the work. No, I wanted to discuss with you my choices."

"I'm not going to be one of them?" Kingsley asked tentatively.

"Oh, Kingsley, if I chose you, you would go nuts trying to cope with me and besides, I have it on expert authority that Luna has a thing for you...I expect that her choice will be both you and Blaise...and since her order is Second Class, I expect you will be her property in very short order!" Hermione bounced back!

Thankfully, Kingsley replied, "Then who? Certainly you will choose Ron as one of your husbands?"

He didn't even get to finish his sentence before Hermione spat, "Are you joking? I wouldn't have Ronald Billius Weasley even if he was the last wizard on this earth. I would rather be a muggle! It was only a week ago that I found him cheating yet again...blaming it all on my refusing to "put out"....not realizing that I had no intention of "putting out" to put it crudely because he was incapable of being monogamous. Apparently he now has Lavender pregnant and Molly has been trying to fix it so Ron will still marry me. But, he's had his last chance....one too many, I think, and Molly is just going to have to accept that Lavender will be her daughter-in-law and not me."

"That little swine," Kingsley responded angrily.

"Oh, it gets much better, Kingsley," Hermione replied with an ever so fake smile. "Not only has dear Ronald screwed around on me with anything in a skirt, but he has also shagged Harry's secretary AND your's too! And he thought that by blaming me, it would make his cheating acceptable! Well it isn't...and now it isn't my problem anymore. Honestly, I think he did me a service...not that I want that repeated...as having Molly for a mother-in-law would have been a nightmare! And now, I am free to find someone else...two someone else's!"

"So who then are the two lucky wizards? Do I know them?" He inquired.

"Oh, Kingsley, you know them very well," she replied with an evil grin.

"Shit, Death Eaters?"

"Exactly!"

"Is this revenge against Ron or something else?"

"Not exactly. I should never have even looked twice at Ron as we have nothing in common. If I had been married to him, I wouldn't be able to have a career...instead I would have been tied to the kitchen stove with about a dozen rugrats around my ankles. I don't think so. The whole purpose behind the new Marriage Act's "two wizards to one witch" will work out well for me...they will be busy taking care of me and making sure I am ok, which will allow me to focus part time on my career...and they can help take care of the children as they come along..." Hermione replied. Continuing, she said, "also, I have a better chance at getting my needs met when I don't have to find one wizard to be all for me...honestly, the Marriage Act couldn't have been better written as far as I am concerned!"

"So who? Or actually before that, I need to ask you an important question...did you happen to to hear the news this morning? Kingsley asked thoughtfully.

"No, I came straight here...didn't even have time for my morning coffee!" Hermione replied.

"Ah, that's easily corrected. Miss Watson, could you please bring in two cups of coffee...mine black as usually, but Hermione's is white with two sugars...and can we have a plate of biscuits, please?"

"Yes, Minister," his secretary replied.

Once the coffee and biscuits were placed on a low table in his office, he said to his secretary, "This is your last day working for me. Please give me your work id and take your belongings and leave. Thank you,"

Miss Watson looked poleaxed. She stuttered, "My last day...why, what?"

She didn't finish before Kingsley interrupted, "As my secretary, you are expected to be above reproach. Instead, I have found out that you are one of the Ministry secretaries shagging what was the Gryffindor Princess's now ex-boyfriend. Therefore, you are no longer morally fit for your position."

Miss Watson's face flushed and she turned to Hermione saying, "You cost me my job....I will have my revenge on you..."

Again, she didn't get to finish her sentence before Kingsley interrupted, angrily this time too, "You lost your job for you. You knowingly shagged with the then boyfriend of our war heroine. It was all over the papers that they were involved and yet you spread your legs for him. Don't even think about getting revenge on her as it was your actions and those of the Weasel that has you sacked from your job. If you do anything to harm Miss Granger's person or her reputation, I will cancel the reference I have given you and you will find yourself black-listed. Do you understand me, Miss Watson?" he stated firmly.

Sullenly she replied, "Yes, Minister. Here is my pass. I will just get my robes and leave. You still plan on providing me with a reference?"

"Yes, but you will keep your mouth shut about what and why you have lost your job...feel free to say that the position was being revamped....and not one word about Miss Granger or you will never work in wizarding Britain again. Do you understand me?"

Miss Watson nodded her affirmation and then left, never to be seen by either of them ever again.

"So, Hermione," Kingsley said after Miss Watson left them and he had closed his office door with the swish of his hand. "Who are your picks and why? Oh heck, I forgot...you said you didn't hear the news this morning?" he asked anxiously.

Hermione said, "No, should I have?"

"Damn," stated Kingsley. "This was one morning you should have turned it on. Rita Skeeter was on Wizarding Radio this morning interviewing Molly Weasley about how happy she was that you were going to become a member of her family at last, having accepted Ron's marriage proposal!"

"What the fuck!" Hermione responded totally outraged, her voice an octave higher. "No wonder I had so many strange looks this morning. Molly is hoping to pressure me into marrying her son and he certainly has not proposed to me and I have not...and never will...accept him as my spouse...end of story! What a manipulative bitch! Now what do we do to fix this as I will not marry him!"

"Let's start with who then, Hermione, followed by why, and then we will see what we can do to checkmate Molly's strategy," Kingsley replied.

"Okay....Thorfinn Rowle and Antonin Dolohov!" Hermione replied.

"Rowle and Dolohov? Are you nuts, Hermione? They both tried to kill you and if you found Ron unfaithful, Rowle-the-man-slag will be ten times worse..." Kingsley responded,

"Firstly, Rowle was never unfaithful because he never was in anything but casual sex arrangements. Since he never committed to any witch, fidelity was a non issue. Further, he was very good to me when I was at Hogwarts....he protected me from all the bullies and expected nothing from me to replay him! And Dolohov is his best friend...I think they will make a good team in meeting my needs, in cherishing me, and in providing for my general welfare. I ran this all across Minerva yesterday and in the end, she agreed with me that they would be good for me. Further, Minerva is going to run interference for me....she is eligible herself as she is still fertile...an hour after I make my announcement, she is going to make her's. You will never guess who she has chosen. Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy!" Hermione said excitedly!

"Merlin's saggy balls," Kingsley replied. "Severus, I can see but Draco Malfoy? Does she know the scandal that will make?"

"I don't think, Kingsley, that she cares. She is fully prepared to tell everyone that if it is accepted by society for a wizard of say 60 to marry a 15 year old witch, then it is equally acceptable for a witch in her middle years to marry a wizard who is a legal adult. She is hoping to take the pressure me as every one will focus on the Malfoys and herself...there is no way Lucius will ever let Draco marry a witch of her age without causing a humongous uproar!"

"Hmmm...." Kingsley said thoughtfully. "Actually, I think that is excellent strategy on both your parts but why did you choose Rowle and Dolohov?"

Hermione answered carefully, "I don't think we have time to discuss my motivations because of Molly's attempt to ambush me. Is it enough that Minerva approves?"

"Minerva's good opinion is all that I need to know.....so how do you plan on handling Molly?"

"Well now, this is what I think.....we should both go to Azkaban together so that if the Warden is going to cause any grief, you will be there to assist me. Although the new Marriage Act gives no choice to the wizard, I will not force Thorfinn or Antonin into marrying me....not that I think they will actually refuse as this is one way for them to get out of prison... I have been given two fertility potions and I have been told that the healers at St. Mungo's are able to determine pregnancy and paternity in as little as 24 hours after intercourse has taken place. So, if we go to Azkaban this afternoon and the wizards agree, you can transfigure a room for Thorfinn, Antonin, and myself to shag a baby into me."

Kingsley blushed crimson when Hermione mentioned "shag a baby into me".

Continuing, she said, "Once the pregnancy is confirmed, we can get Thorfinn and Antonin released. You can marry the three of us here in your office...I will ask them what kind of triad bonding do they prefer...and once we are married, we can make a public announcement. Something along the lines that I am pregnant and these are my two chosen wizards to whom I am now married. And then when they raise that interview Molly gave to Rita, I can look very sweet and tell the interviewer that once I found out that Lavender Brown was pregnant by Ronald Weasley, that for the sake of the baby I tearfully broke up with him and that I expected to receive a wedding invitation from Ron and Lavender any day now. That will spike Molly's guns as she can't get past Lavender being preggers by Ron. She will look like a monster if she tries to lever me into marrying Ron, thus leaving Lavender's baby without its daddy! And Ron will look like a douche bag if he tries to marry anyone but Lavender. Mind you, he is a douche bag but that is no longer my problem. What do you think, Kingsley?" Hermione asked anxiously.

"Brilliant, Hermione, absolutely brilliant. If Molly tries to get past Lavender's baby to get you for her son, everyone will know that she is up-selling Ron and that won't go over well!"

"I don't care anymore...I just want to be done with the lot of them...and fix it so Molly is Lavender's problem and not mine!"

"Great, well let's get you over to Azkaban. Which do you prefer, floo or apparate? Apparate? Cool" and then the room faded away!

Chapter Text

A short time later, Kingsley and Hermione were sitting in the Warden of Azkaban's office.

Kingsley said, "By now, I am sure you are aware of the new Marriage Act...and that it also applies to Death Eaters. Miss Granger here has chosen Thorfinn Rowle and Antonin Dolohov...and according to the requirements, she must become pregnant by them BEFORE they can be released, of which you must be aware. Miss Granger prefers to speak to the two prisoners while you and I make the "necessary arrangements for conjugation to take place."

The Warden looked ill, "They actually have to..." he stuttered.

Kingsley replied, "Yes, they actually DO have to and the sooner she is impregnated, the sooner they can be released, if you get my drift!" Then Kingsley addressed Hermione, "Hermione, why don't you go with that prison guard to chat with your chosen wizards while I handle things here."

Hermione nodded her head and getting up, she followed the guard to the level where they kept the Death Eater prisoners. The guard said, "They aren't exactly ready for visitors, miss. Wouldn't you prefer to wait in the Warden's office while we get them ready?"

"I don't think so," Hermione replied. "I prefer to see them in the condition in which you have kept them. You can, of course, though arrange for them to be in one cell and I would appreciate a chair."

"Won't you be wanting me to chain them down for your safety?" the guard asked shocked that she voluntarily wanted to see any of the Death Eaters.

"No," she replied, "that won't be necessary. Neither of those wizards will harm me."

Finally they reached the level where the Death Eaters were kept and down a very long corridor was Antonin Dolohov's cell. The guard banged on the cell door shouting, "Visitor! Stand up!" Dolohov wasn't impressed and he let loose a long stream of Russian words, from the look on his face none of them were pleasant, much less polite. The guard grabbed Dolohov and had him lean up against the wall while he unlocked Rowle's cell.

Once the cell door was open, the guard thrust Dolohov into the cell and then gestured for Hermione to enter the cell. Taking a coin from his pocket, he used his wand to transfigure the coin into a seat so Hermione could sit down. Hermione smiled her thanks at the guard, who informed her that he had to keep the cell locked and all she had to do was bang on the cell door when she was ready to leave as he would be awaiting her in the corridor.

Once the door was closed and locked, Hermione sat down and looked over each wizard thoroughly. Their year in Azkaban had taken a toll on both wizards...both had lost a lot of weight, their locks were shaggy and unkempt, their eyes sunken, their beards badly needed a trim, both needed a long soak in a tub of hot water and unlimited soap, and they needed clean uniforms. All in all, they were a mess and she was required to have sex with them so they could be released from Azkaban, once her pregnancy was confirmed. Fortunately, as well as her own fertility potion, she had fertility AND lust potions for both of them. It was absolutely necessary that they get pregnant the first time the shagged. Any further delay in extracting the wizards from Azkaban could lead to further decline, such that they might not be able to shag, which would be a huge problem (no pun intended).

"Suck it up girl!" Hermione told herself, "You need to put your big witch panties on and tell the big bad Death Eaters why you are here...and if you can't even do that, then what hope do you have for you getting pregnant by them."

"I gather, gentlemen," she started, "you have heard of the new marriage law. What you may not know as of yet is that Death Eaters are eligible to be chosen. Any fertile witch may choose you and you have no say in the matter...you must accept. And the big problem is that you may not be well treated as only your sperm-providing abilities are your primary attraction."

"And you are here because," Thorfinn interrupted.

"I have chosen both of you for my wizards," Hermione sighed.

"Us, why "us"? We both tried to kill you during the second wizarding war!?" Antonin exclaimed.

"I am more than aware of that, Dolohov," Hermione responded. "I chose Thorfinn first and foremost because of his goodness to me when I was at Hogwarts. I was at the point of chucking it all when he found out that I was being bullied quite badly for being a "mudblood". I owe him a great debt!"

"Owing a great debt isn't exactly going to make for a happy marriage, Sunshine," Thorfinn interjected.

"Agreed," Hermione said. "But there is more to it. I deeply respect you and I know that you are more than how you portray yourself in public. You are intelligent, kind, gentle when you wish to be, hardworking, dedicated, considerate, thoughtful, and loyal...very loyal. I couldn't ask for a better husband than you, Thorfinn, and it doesn't hurt that I find you attractive as well!" Hermione winked at the embarrassed wizard...he had turned scarlet when she listed his good qualities!

"And what about me?" asked Antonin. "I tormented you and I nearly killed you. Why would you want me? I certainly wasn't "good" to you at any point in time!"

"Honestly, I chose you first and foremost because you are Thorfinn's best friend...and I had no intention of taking Thorfinn out of this hellhole, leaving his best friend behind. And, you are serious-minded, dedicated, mature, as well as being loyal. I know we don't have much in common but since Thorfinn thinks so highly of you AND he trusts you, then I am willing to give you a chance, and I hope you will accept it. I know that you don't have any choice under the law but I don't want a wizard in my bed that would rather be some place else. So, if you don't want to marry me, say so now and I will look elsewhere. The only thing you need to keep in mind is that the only other first class holder of the Order of Merlin beside myself is Minerva, but at my request, she has chosen someone other than yourself, Antonin. So, if you turn me down, you could be chosen by almost anyone. The only way I can possibly protect you and keep Thorfinn happy, is to have you share the marriage bed in a triad union."

Thorfinn said thoughtfully, "I appreciate that you gave us a choice and yes, I accept you as my spouse and if you are willing, then for time and all eternity!"

Antonin spoke second and he said, "I know that we don't know much about each other and what we know isn't so good, but I am impressed with your trusting me and I will do everything in my power to make you a good husband. You will not regret your choice, I promise you...and if you are willing, then for time and all eternity too!"

"There is just one thing you should know, before we proceed," Hermione said tentatively. Believe it or not, I am still a virgin. I am not looking for rough sex (ie. shagging or rutting) or anything kinky...I want to be made love to. And if you aren't able to manage that, you can take back your consent. One last thing, Thorfinn, IF you are as "large" as your reputation would lead me to believe, it probably would be better if Antonin went first." Hermione blushed right down to her toes.

Both wizards looked at each other and came to an immediate consensus. "We will treat you like you are our "everything" and we will do nothing to harm you in any way at all...after all, you are the "sunshine" in our life...and as the planets revolve around the sun, so shall we revolve around you!" They said in unison.

Then Thorfinn spoke, "As much as I would have preferred to be your first, I think you are wise, Hermione, to let Antonin have that privilege, as we don't want you traumatized, either physically or mentally. There are things we can do to prepare you for my size, but not for your first time. It is bad enough you have to lose your virginity in a prison, but I am glad it is with us. And I am glad that you aren't holding our Death Eater status against us."

Hermione thought for a minute and then replied, "Thorfinn, I learned to love you from your many kindnesses to me and therefore it wouldn't matter to me what you were or are...love truly conquers all. And I know you had no choice...your father made you become a Death Eater and if you did not, he was prepared to have your younger sister marry a Death Eater. You chose to protect your sister at a great cost to yourself...I admire that. As for you, Antonin, there has to be a reason Thorfinn cares so much about you and I am relying on that above everything else.

"And so, gentlemen, since we are in agreement, let's find out what preparations the Warden and the Minister have arranged. I will be back shortly!" Hermione then proceed to kiss Thorfinn and then Antonin before calling the guard to come back and take her to the Warden's office.