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What Once Was Lost

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For the millionth time in two weeks, Alec has wondered how he got roped into being a chaperone on Max’s ski trip. And another thing, why in the world do teenagers of almost 18 years need a damn chaperone to go skiing?

Then he remembers his ski trip and it all comes back to him. He didn’t ski. He stayed in with the owner’s son, talking, making out, laughing at stupid things, and falling in love. If asked whether he believed in love at first sight he would laugh, but ask him whether he believes in love at a skiing trip, and he refuses to say anything but yes.

He fell in love with the boy that week at this very ski lodge. They agreed to stay in touch, but it never happened. Alec was mad at the boy, and he never got his name, only heard his mother call him terms of endearments in a different language, and he only saw a number attached to his suitcase with one initial, M. He doesn’t know why he never asked, and he dared not call the number for quite some time.

He thought that maybe they would never meet again. He only called the number once and the woman who answered was in tears. When Alec asked for the boy he was told that the boy had been in an accident. She wouldn’t say whether he was okay or not. Alec never called again.

Which is what makes this trip all the more upsetting for him. He wants to see the bo- no, man, but he isn’t even sure he is here. He feels his eyes falling shut, and dreams of himself and M. He is completely unaware as the bus comes to a stop, and everyone else getting off, and later he will wonder why Max never woke him.


Magnus has all the rooms set up, just as his mother had every year. It is time for their annual ski trip hosting, and he isn’t nervous. This is his first year as the owner, and he is not worried. What could go wrong? He has seen his mother do this for many years. He has only ever missed one year, and that was the only year she closed the lodge. He refuses to let it end now that she is gone.

A few hours later all of the students are arriving. He checks them in, and reads them the rules about behaving and being safe, to which one of the Chaperones on the trip corrects him, “No sex. At all.”

Magnus only chuckles. “I will have you know I found my first love on one of these trips. Well, he was on the trip, not me.”

The students all ‘awww’ him while the Chaperone grins a bit and replies, “But surely you both behaved yourselves?”

Magnus whistles, and his eyes shift a bit as he licks his lips, “Well, what is your definition of behave? Because we definitely did not keep our hands to ourselves. But good news, we were safe. Never went skiing either.”

The woman frowns. “Mr. Bane, these are children, set a better example.”

Magnus smirks, “Sorry, but all of these students are seniors, there is no way they are children. And I am sure some of them are more experienced than even myself.”

The whole crowd chuckles, even the chaperones. “Alright, enjoy your stay here at Bane Lodge.” He nods, slips his hands in his pockets, and excuses himself.

He steps outside and takes in the beautiful snow. It is always so lovely, and he always thinks of the way his mother smiled at the falling flakes, telling him, “My boy, each flake is a kiss from papa. Catch as many as you can.” He walks along the bus catching the flakes when something - no - someone, catches his eye. Someone on the bus.

He is quick to board the vehicle and make his way toward the back, “Hello, I think you missed the-” His eyes fall on the man’s sleeping face, so familiar to him that his breath leaves him as his heart beats rapidly in his chest. It is the boy. When he feels himself frown he knows his heart has never stopped being his. He decides to turn and leave him, tell someone else he is on the bus.

He never expected the slight shaking of the earth followed by an offset of snow. He is almost too late as he stands and watches the snow begin to flow toward the bus. Shit. If it gets in they will both die.

He rushes for the door and pulls the lever to shut it, in just enough time for the bus to be covered in snow. He can feel the bus being pressed backwards, but not with enough force to cause much damage. He runs to the man in the back of the bus, toward the man, who is just waking up, looking confused and frightened.

“What happened?” His voice is stronger, more confident, but still holding onto sleep.

It’s too dark for him to make out his face, “Well, we have an issue. There was a small avalanche and now we are trapped in here.”

He can see the man’s silhouette coming toward him, “Who are you?”

“Magnus.” He feels ridiculous as he holds his hand out to shake hands. Then the man just pushes past him.


Alec frowns, who the hell? And what a name. “Are you one of the Chaperones? I don’t recognize your name.”

“No, I own the lodge.” Magnus follows after him, looking over his shoulder as he gets close to the door, “I can assure you that door is not coming open.”

Alec rolls his eyes, “I know. I am just…” He reaches into the glove compartment and switches a lever, then turns the keys in the ignition and lights come on around them. “Trying to get some light in here.” It is not vibrant light but it is enough to make Alec’s heart stop as he turns quickly and comes face to face with Magnus. He stands his mouth half open, staring in surprise.

Magnus sighs, “Well, it seems you’ve noticed the same thing I did.”

Alec feels a tear in his eye, “M? You are… You’re alive?”

Magnus laughs a bit, “Yeah, I think so.” He takes a step closer and reaches over Alec to flip a switch on the dash, cool air rushing in, “It was getting hot in here.”

Alec bursts out laughing, “Hot… in here.” He can’t help how the laughter grows. “We are literally in a bus covered in snow.”

Magnus rolls his eyes and turns away from him, “Speaking of, how the hell are we going to get out of here?”

“I have a better question; why are we both in here?” And before Magnus can make a smart ass comeback, Alec holds up a finger, “I mean, why were you in here?”

“First,” Magnus turns back to him, “That’s not a better question. Our safety should be top priority. What if we are stuck in here for days. I left my phone inside, we have no food, and what happens when it gets too cold in here? Are we gonna get naked and snuggle for warmth?” He almost regrets asking, but seeing the blush on Alec’s cheeks makes it all worth it. He still likes him… maybe.

“N-No. We can’t do that. But what we can do, is turn the Air Conditioner off.” He turns and messes with the dials and the cold air dissipates. “And I have food and water in my bag. We will be fine for a little while. I can just call into the lodge and let them know we are out here, you know because I always keep my phone on me in case of emergencies.” He smirks and pulls it out of his pocket.

Magnus just sneers at him a bit and walks to where Alec pointed his bag should be. He starts to pull everything out and takes count. He has never been trapped like this, and he is freaking out a bit. And let’s not even talk about the fact that Alec is here too, and all he has really wanted to do since Alec woke up was ask him why he never called, never tried to see him again. Ask Alec why he broke his heart with false promises that winter.

“Damn it!” Magnus startles at Alec’s outburst. And when he turns he is captured by the sight of Alec running his fingers through his hair, a concerned look on his face. “They are snowed in, as well. Not as bad as us but until help arrives, we are stuck here together.”

Magnus suddenly stands up and smirks, “Remember when we layed in my bed and imagined-”

“Stop! Don’t.” Alec holds his hand up. “Don’t do that to me.”

“Excuse me?” Magnus frowns, “Do what, exactly?”

“This, reminiscing about old times. I didn’t come here for that.” He huffs and flops into one of the seats.

Magnus has trouble stopping himself, “You didn’t exactly come here for this, either, and yet here you are trapped in a bus, with me, and I am not the biggest fan of sitting in silence as you know.”

Alec sighs heavily, hinting he’s not in any mood to deal with Magnus right now, “When we imagined something like this before we had a plan, was all I was going to say, by the way. What that plan was I can’t remember, and I was hoping you could.”

Alec just shakes his head and turns away from Magnus. He remembers the plan, but it was a silly plan dreamt up by two teenage boys who believed they were in love, and that a situation like this would be fun and sexy. This is most definitely not sexy for Alec.

Magnus goes back to the food and drinks and counts again. “Okay, so we have some goldfish crackers, some vegetables and fruit bowls, and 7 bottles of water.” He puts it away and slides into the seat across from Alec. “So we won’t starve to death or dehydrate.” He jokes.

Alec just nods but doesn’t look his way. He takes this as a sign that Alec wants him to just shut up, so he does.

At some point he dozes off, forgetting he is trapped in a bus. When Alec’s phone goes off Magus jolts awake, “What was that?” And for the second time today he is surprised to see Alec until he remembers what happened.

“Um, my phone.” Alec smirks, “Still a light sleeper?”

“Oh no, we are not reminiscing, remember?” He snaps and turns to look out of the window, finding only snow. “Or talking, apparently.”

He can hear as Alec lets out a deep breath through his nose, “We can talk, I have been awake for the past thirty minutes watching you sleep, and it is kind of really boring. You aren’t as interesting when you sleep.” He chuckles.

“Oh, so now you got jokes?” Magnus raises an eyebrow.

Alec crosses his arms over his chest, “Mmhmm. Give it time and you will see I got a lot more than I used to.” He realizes how it sounds after it’s said.

His eyes widen as he sees Magnus smirk at him. “No, I mean… I, uhhh… Damn it, stop making me blush.” He growls. “That’s why I didn’t want to talk to you.”

“Because I make you blush?” Magnus leans forward and rests his head against the seat ahead of him, “Oh I am so sorry that you are attracted to me.” He is sure Alec can hear the sarcasm in his voice.

“You should be.” It is his turn to smirk.

But it seems after that they are quiet again. What could they talk about now. They don’t know each other anymore. They probably didn’t even know each other then. Alec thinks back to remember what he learned about Mangus in those days. He is Indonesian, loves the color maroon, especially in his hair, make-up is his friend. His best friends are Catarina and Ragnor, He is bi-sexual and very proud of that fact. He loves cats and one day wanted at least two. He hates green beans and loves carrots. His favorite food is an Indonesian dish his mother used to make him, called Rujak, a spicy fruit salad.

Alec shakes his head, maybe he knows more than he is willing to admit. He never could let Magnus go truly. He is pulled from his thoughts by Magnus, of course. “What happened?”

Alec shrugs, “What do you mean, nothing happened. We have just been sitting here.”

“No, Alexander. I mean with us. Why didn’t you call me?” He moves closer to Alec now, “I waited for you to call, and you never did.”

“I did. Once.” He feels ashamed for not having tried more before that. “The woman that answered told me you had been in a terrible accident and I panicked. I thought you were gone from me forever.”

Magnus wants to accept this but, “Why didn’t you ask her if I was okay? Why didn’t you try to call after to see if I was alive?”

“I was scared, okay.” It comes out snappy. “I was afraid she would tell me you were gone, that you died and if I didn’t call I would never have to know. It was easier for me to believe you were alive and happy without me.”

“I was not happy without you, not since the day you left. I wanted you back in my arms so badly. I wanted to hear your voice, kiss your lips.” He sighs, “You were so selfish.”

“Selfish? Was it not easy for you? You could see anyone you wanted, fall in love, have a life without me? I would only have held you back, we live so far apart and-”

“Stop making decisions for me.” Magnus snaps. “I was already in love. I already had the one person I wanted.” He runs a hand through his hair, “But I thought he didn’t want me. That he thought of me as just a fling.”

“You were never a fling, Magnus.” Alec turns in his seat catching Magnus’ gaze, holding it. “You were everything I wanted. You helped me realize who I am, who I am supposed to be. I came out to my entire family when I got back, because I fully planned on introducing you to them. But I guess when my parents freaked out on me I lost my courage.”

He feels himself drawn closer until his knees are touching Magnus’ “I loved you. I was in love with you.” He feels his own hand on Magnus’ knee. “I meant it when I told you I love you the day I left. I meant every promise I made to you those nights in your room. And I held true to them. Well, most of them.” Magnus feels shocked, feeling Alec’s hand in his, feeling so familiar, he remembers the promises, there were four.

“So you're telling me, you have thought about me every single day at least once?” Alec nods, “You came out when you got home, but was it on your own terms?”

Alec smiles, “Of course.”

“But you didn’t try to call me, so you failed that one.”

Alec shakes his head, “Wrong, I tried to call you once, it counts.”

“Says you. I say it doesn’t,” Magnus frowns, “And you have never been with anyone else. A promise I never meant for you to make, by the way.”

“I have only ever been with you. I tried to date but it just never got past dinner.” Alec shrugs. Then he closes his eyes and places his hand over his chest, right above his heart. “This is still yours.”

He can’t believe how honest it feels to say those words. He’s still Magnus’, even after everything. He doesn’t expect it, but moments later he feels soft lips against his, very quickly, then they are gone. He opens his eyes and Magnus is still so close.

“I’m not sorry.” Magnus closes his eyes a bit, “I’m not sorry that I stole your heart and never returned it. I’m not sorry that I just kissed you. I’m not sorry that this,” He places Alec’s own hand over his heart now, “Still belongs to you.”

Alec feels Magnus’ heart pounding against his palm. “I’m still in love with you.”

Alec leans forward, his free hand coming up to hold Magnus’ neck, the feel of him against his fingers again like life coursing through his veins.

He smiles before pulling Magnus’ lips back to him, “Can I keep those, as well?” He smiles just before he kisses him. This time the kiss lasts longer, and neither of them feels the need to part. Not even when Alec’s phone buzzes. It will be a while later before they wake up in each other’s arms, cuddled together for warmth between the seats of the bus.

“To answer your question, yes, you can keep anything you want.” Magnus smirks as he pulls up and retrieves his shirt to pull it over his head. Alec pulls him back down, kissing him again and again.

“I want you, Magnus. Just you this time, forever.”

“Only if I can have you.” He smiles as Alec nods and pulls Magnus’ shirt back off. “I will keep this, as well, far away from you.” They fall back into kissing and forgetting about the world around them.