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Love Her to Death

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“Okay, so, I never really figured it would happen that way, but it did. So, like, she was sitting there and there was, like, a golden aura about her. There were angels playing harps and everything. And she was just reading her book in the library!”

She’s very passionate and verbal for such an odd time. I personally feel the urge to throttle her, or at least get her to stop talking. “Yang, now is not the ti-”

“Anyways, I approach her, and I’m all like, ‘Gurl, you like me. I like me. You got my doughnuts, I got your cake. Let’s make this thing happen, yo,” she continues, forcing her words into the conversation.

I swear, I love her, but I’m seriously considering loving her to death right now.

“And she’s all like, ‘I dunno. Your sister, while her breast size is small, is a pretty fierce competitor. You’ll have to really melt my ice if you wanna go swimming in this.’ and then she motions to her legs and stuff.

I could do it. A simple cut to her artery. I could say she had a knife fetish and was running it along her throat too hard. No one would suspect a thing.

“Come to think of it, she really does enjoy showing off her legs. Ruby wears the leggings, but she just legs it in the breeze like she knows she’s albino,” she continues, completely unaware of her impending demise.

But if I kill her, then the bed will be so cold. I learned that the hard way when I kicked her out in part three.

“So, I tell her she’s pretty cool about her overfrozen nethers, because she’s such an ice queen about the company she keeps. And she’s all like, ‘You’re such a brute!’ and I’m all offended and junk.”

But if she keeps going, I’m going to kill her. It’ll be the inner animal within me.

“Next, there’s this random girl who’s taking a selfie and asks if we’re dating because we’re really cute together. And so Weiss says, ‘No!’ but I say, ‘I wish!’”

If I do let loose, no one would blame me. They’d admit that they had done the exact, same thing.

“So, Weiss runs away. She’s all like, ‘I’m too much of as an ice queen to let this go smoothly, so I have to get my butt in fifth gear and go after her. We ran aaaall the way ‘round campus and stuff! And so I’m all like, ‘Babe, I’m sorry! It’s not you, it’s me!”

She should write this down.

“And then she’s on the edge of the cliff, and the wind is blowing, and I can see her underwear, but it’s white, not yellow. So, I’m all like, ‘Babe! Don’t do it! And she’s all like, ‘Babe, I have nothing to live for.”

I’m just going to let her finish.

“And then she’s all like, ‘But I had you this whole time!’ So I’m all like, ‘You know it, babe. Now gimmie sommodat Schnee’s Knees, bow-chicka-bow-wow!’ And then we embrace, but the wind blows into my face, and I can’t breath.”


She looks over to me. “And that’s when I woke up, my hair got tangled up in my face.”

I’m not sorry for glaring. “Yang, it’s three AM.”

The apparent blinking is a clear sign that she’s missing the point. “So?”

A pillow smashes into the back of her head. What’s odd is that it wasn’t from me.


“But she’s so cute when she’s dreaming about you!” Ruby whines.

“Do you want to sleep on the floor?” I hear her seeth.

There’s no hesitation. “Yang, shut up and never wake Blake up to tell her about your dreams ever again,” the younger sister orders like she owns her.

Yang scoffs before settling back into her half of the bed. “You people, I swear. No creativity.”

The door smashes into pieces, and Nora stomps in. Before anyone of us can react, she has one hand on Yang’s mouth and another on the hammer towering overhead.

“We’d really like it if you could shut up,” she whispers. “Cockroaches don’t talk, and we kill them anyways.”

She nods.

Nora smiles. “Excellent.” Removing her hand and hammer, she exits the room, slamming Team JNPR’s door as she retreats back into slumber.

But now there’s a huge, massive hole that’s letting in the dormitory's light.

Weiss groans before tumbling into her sheets.

I’m not going back to sleep. Usually, I'd say something about how I can't stay mad at her, but it's three AM. I want my sleep, and I'm not getting it.

“Confound it, Yang.”

“THAT MEANS YOU TOO, BLAKE!!!” Nora shouts from JNPR’s room.