Working everyday I don't have any time to think unnecessary thoughts. And I can't say I mind it. When I put all of my efforts in something I feel useful, needed. I feel like I belong somewhere.
Everyone treats me like a person, and I like being here. I am not really happy living like this, but at least I know Hatshepsut is not in danger because of me. I do sometimes find myself regreting my decision, but I never let it become a self-pity.
It has happened how it happened. Right now I can't do anything to change it. It is my fault anyway, so I have to face the consequences.
While I was walking in the distance I saw a flower. A beautiful flower, with red and white colours, that makes this barren land a little more colourful. I immediately remembered her, and how this flower represents her perfectly.
Desert rose. That is what she is. A ray of light, hope, in this cruel world full of darkness and sand.
And no one knows that better than her. Fighting impossible odds, battles where she probably will lose everything. But always with her head held high. No one can knock her down, and even if they do she will come back up, even stronger than before.
Many positive characteristic describe her: bravery, intelligence, strength, patience, friendliness, compassion. All the traits that describe a good human, a good soul. I hope she gets a special place in history, I hope she makes the history.
I know she is fighting against the world, with everything she has. Many thoughts still haunt me like:
If only I had been stronger and I hadn't fallen in love with her.
If only I had stayed longer with her I could have helped her more.
If only I had been smarter and not made everyone suspicious.
If only I hadn't let her down.
If only I got my feeling returned.
If only that wouldn't put her in danger.
If only, if only, if only......
So many things could have been different, but they aren't. You know, maybe this is for the best. Maybe this situation turned out in the best way possible.
I am sad I can't be near her and protect her, but I know she is strong enough, to protect herself. And she has people who love her, and will always help her if she needs help. I know she is in good hands. But it is in human nature to always worry, to always speculate, to only see the worst and not the best.
At least in my case. You were different. You always saw the best things in people, you always fought for your friends, for justice, for equality. I really hope you succeed even without me. I really do.
And even if they strip me of everything, kill me or rob me, they will never take you from me. The Hatshepsut in my mind, in my heart, your image, mirage I always dream of, I always see in the night.
My one and only. The woman I love. The woman I adore.
My desert rose.